Message From the Universe: Thinking Ahead of Time (By Daniel A Amzallag)

   

"Oh, because you've been wondering...

You're way ahead of schedule. It's time you learn to let the rest unfold.

It doesn't matter that others are talking about you. They sense the profound effect you'll have on humanity.

And yeah, you can pretty much coast from here. Just remember, coasting implies that you'll stay in motion.

TV will suit you,

The Universe"

As being an entrepreneur, it can be hard to determine accurately the path of our venture. Will it succeed? How long will it take? Am I on the right path? Am I missing something? Am I going in a different tangent that will not bring me to my desired destination? Am I doing something wrong? Am I doing everything right? How long more? How much more do I need to invest? What will be my ROI on time, energy, money? Am I working below minimum wage? Should I limit my losses and quit? If I do quit, and eventually realize that was the biggest mistake of my life, will I be able to pick up the pieces of my life and move forward to other exciting projects that my brain can create? Or will I let myself get into an abyss and see someone else succeed with my project with minimal efforts on his part? Where? Why? How? When? Now, should I keep posing questions on your behalf or you get my drift?

These questions are normal. It is not because you have a sense of insecurity about what is going on in your life, and don't know the path to take that will render the best possible result for you but because, as an entrepreneur, NO one will direct you to the best possible path. Your gut instinct will give you the tools, will do its best to direct you but you need to listen. Sometimes the easy path is the best path. Sometimes, you are so advanced in your ideas, in your logic, in your vision that what you are doing now is so far above anyone can even imagine, and that your ideas are of the future, the very distant future. You are just ahead of your time, thinking now what brilliant scientist can only think with advanced technology. In 1991, I came up with Compumatch, a system that will bring college students together to socialize. This system was going to go global. You can say it was the predecessor of Facebook. I had it in my hand. I could have been the Mark Zuckerburg when I was only 19 years old in Montreal, Canada. It was very hard to get seed money so I abandoned the project. Do I regret it? Who wouldn't? I would have been one of the richest person on Earth, and probably the youngest billionaire in this planet. I guess I had no direction and being an entrepreneur in 1991 in Canada was just being perceived as someone using heavy drugs. However, I moved forward and didn't let it bother me and pursued other projects and ventures. Obviously, NONE of them are making me a billionaire as of yet. Time will tell!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Thinking-Ahead-of-Time&id=9670812

Truth Doesn't Have Versions

The sky is falling - the sky is falling. The earth is flat. We are all going to die in this storm. The end of life as we know it will happen this year. Give me a break. Just because the speed limit is 70 MPH - I don't have to go that fast. Just because the expiration date on my eggs is three days past doesn't mean I have to throw them away. Made my point yet or would you like twenty-five more examples (just kidding)?

Yes, I accept that some things I don't like or agree with are true but I also know that some things you believe are true are not - so - does the wind blow in both directions? Well yes. So, why then can't some people accept what is true when there is more than enough evidence and why do so many people live their lives in the realm of lies and obvious truths? I don't have 200 pages to deal with this so I'll do my best with just a few hundred words.

So, what is truth - truth is most often used to mean being in accord with fact or reality or fidelity to an original or standard. Truth may also often be used in modern contexts to refer to an idea of "truth to self," or authenticity. Need more? Want more? Truth - fact, veracity, certainty, actuality, reality. FYI - Truth isn't - opinion, impression, interpretation, estimation, judgment, belief, experience - Got this one too?

Therefore, I have three questions -

1) why do people act like their opinion etc. is the truth?

2) Why do people work so hard to convince others that their version of truth is the

only one or the only one that matters or the only one that you or I should believe?

3) How many facts (reality do we need) to know what is true or not true.

Is - gravity a truth?

Is - physical death a truth?

Is - the fact that change is constant a truth?

OR,

Is - the weather is crappy today a truth?

Is - the service in this establishment is really bad a truth?

Is - this "__________" (whatever) you believe a truth?

Is - this technology is really slow a truth?

Again - got it?

So, back to my questions.

Why do people act like their opinion etc. is the truth? Everything in life is a perception - the weather, time, health, food etc. In other words - This corn is too hot. No, it isn't! This movie is too long. Maybe yes and maybe no. That color is too dark. See where I'm going with this? Ever had an argument or disagreement with someone?

Sure, we all have. What caused it? Very simply - two different opinions coming face to face with each other - when only one could win but both were not necessarily true but you both believed that each of yours were true as far as the two of you were concerned. All conflict is the result of perceptual interpretation not based on truth and why - because truth does not have to be defended if it is real truth. When people can't let go of the need to justify opinions, attitudes, decisions, actions, feelings etc. that might be inconsistent with truth it is generally because of one of the following exists; the need for control, ego needs, arrogance, low self-esteem, insecurity or early conditioning that caused them to feel they need to get others approval in order to achieve self-acceptance and the way they do this is by being right.

Why do people work so hard to convince others that their version of truth is the only one or the only one that matters or the only one that you or I should believe or accept? A lot of this stems from the previous discussion but for clarity I will add a couple of other items. One is called projection. This is simply a refusal to accept a certain type of self-behavior and implying others of having the behavior that you have but refuse to acknowledge, admit or accept. In other words - "I am always late but can't admit it but I always blame you for being late whether you are or are not."

Another one is expanding on something or just making things up that aren't true. I want others to think I am successful so I create a self-story that over time I come to believe as true. Even if you know me well and know what I say about myself isn't true, I will still boast about these untruths as if they were true. Actually, you would be quite amazed at how many people have this behavior.

How many facts (reality do we need) to know what is true or not true.

Well, if you see a lose wire coming from a generator you might want to avoid it. If you see a red-hot grill you might not want to touch it. How many facts do you need to avoid these disasters? Probably just one. If you want to know if Heaven is for real you might need a few more facts. But here's the real issue when it comes to truth. Some things, many things might be or could be true, but we don't know it because we don't have enough information to make a decision. If this is true just because we lack evidence doesn't mean something is or isn't true. Think about it. For years people believed the earth was flat until what - someone figured out that it wasn't. But, many people continued to believe in this untruth because they lacked wisdom, knowledge or information. The same is true today. Could many things be untrue today that we just don't know are untrue but still believe they are? And the opposite. Could many things we believe are not true actually be true?

I'm done with my opinions - so what do you think about what you just read? Truth? Opinion? Blah, Blah, Blah?

http://ezinearticles.com/?Truth-Doesnt-Have-Versions&id=9728844

How To Overcome Self Doubt

It is evident that learning how to overcome self-doubt and fear is one of the hardest challenges we may encounter in life. Just how good is our performance depends a lot on how much confidence we have in ourselves because insecurity is an unusual kind of inner torture that can sneak easily in.

Therefore, how do you overcome the doubts, uncertainties, and fears that are overwhelming your thoughts? What can you do to believe in yourself to achieve more? How can you conquer the self-doubt that is holding you back from succeeding?

Self-doubt is a place where we have all been but, each of us handles it differently. Doubt and fear are hard to control and usually creep in deep within our mind. A wrong decision, a mistake or even a little failure make you hesitate and question your abilities. Next thing you know, you have a lack of confidence.

When you start a business or have a concept, self-doubt often crawls in while you begin to both comparing yourself to those who succeeded before you and being crushed by the idea of how much work you have to put in. At that point, you even begin to think that there is no way you will ever be able to make it as successful people have.

But success is getting the courage to move in the direction of your dreams and on the path that your heart is taking you. Never mind if you are not making it exactly like others before you have. You have to understand that self-doubt is not a rational behavior and you can go beyond it.

A Fact about Self-Doubt

"Self-doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will." - Suzy Kassem

None of us will ever be completely free of doubts. Everyone, no matter how successful, fights with it sometimes. But self-doubt can become a self-fulfilling prediction if you let it take over. You may have tried in the past to achieve some goal and decided to abandon because you faced an apparently impossible wall, but you should not give up.

It is just how life is! Goals get you out of the comfort zone, bring you into new territory and take you head-on with your doubts and fears. The concern here is not about how to escape self-doubt or fear, but how to make constructive choices that improve your self-confidence while uncertainties are present.

Too many people give up on their dreams due to self-doubt, uncertainty, lack of confidence and fear.

Going Beyond Self-Doubt and Fear

Almost all successful people have confessed they had to fight self-doubt every single day. Doubt is so toxic that it holds back countless of people from achieving beautiful things. And fear is not at all who you are, but rather a feeling that you are going through, an experience.

If you are trying to avoid doubt or fear, it does not make them go away. When you ignore these feelings, it does not make them any less painful, and if you look the other way, it does not make them vanish into thin air.

Therefore, take a deep breath. And realize that even if you are having doubts or a profound fear reaches you, you still need to take action. Stop self-doubt from overwhelming you and take the required steps to move forward in accomplishing your goals.

Overcoming Self-Doubt

How to remove doubts on the spot is always easier said than done. But below are ways so you can start overcoming self-doubt to achieve the things you have always desired.

Remove Wrong Words

You have to remove any words that seem wrong from your vocabulary. The terms, phrases, and words you use to talk to yourself have the power to blow your confidence away. Those incorrect words are often untrue.

So, eliminate and skip words such as "never," "always," "can't," "no one," "if," or "should." You will then notice how your frame of mind and self-doubt begin to change for better.

Identify Self-Doubt

You have to identify doubts which are not an easy thing to do. You might have a great idea to create a business, a website, or even an app. Yet, you might brush it off by thinking that you cannot just quit your job to jump into something else. You have a family and a loan to pay. And who will pay the bills?

Of course, there are always risks. But if you do not believe that you can be successful, guess what, you won't. So, next time you push an idea aside, sincerely think if it is self-doubt or reality that sneaked in.

Get a Dose of Inspiration

Get inspired by listening to podcasts, viewing videos, reading books, and watching movies which are optimistic. It can help you overcome any of your doubts and fears. You might also feel empowered to take action.

You can also discover some great speakers and mentors to listen to. Turn to these guys when you lack self-confidence.

Overcome Self-Doubt

Dumber people have succeeded also. You have to remind yourself that you are a capable and smart person. The reason is that there are people in this world who have achieved bigger things with less knowledge, tools, chances, and experience than you have.

You have to remind yourself that people with less advantage than you became successful. No dream or idea of yours is impossible or even unmanageable. Most of the time, the barrier you need to overcome is self-doubt.

Focus on Previous Achievements

As you wake up or during the day, are you focusing on the negative like the failures you have experienced? Or on the positive such as the victories you have achieved?

It is important because recent studies revealed that how you remember your past defines how you think about yourself today. Your thoughts about yourself have a huge impact on whatever actions you take afterwards and how well they turn out for you.

Look for Feedback

It is always good to seek feedback from others. To have a conversation with those who support you and are around you about your skills and abilities can end self-doubt right on the spot.

And above all, getting feedback helps you see both the positive and negative aspects of your abilities. As a result, you can improve some of the necessary skills.

Be aware of Doubt from Others

Self-doubt is already hard to deal with, but doubts coming from other people are just painful. When you realize that you start to get more confidence in yourself and your abilities, you might notice other people around you, often closer than you think who project their self-doubt on you.

They will undoubtedly try to shoot down your dreams or even find reasons why you should not pursue them. But let me tell you to act on your ideas anyway.

Celebrate Small Wins

At any time you are stuck in the depths of self-doubt, it consumes you. Even if in reality, it is not real, you make it accurate and turn it into a big deal in your mind. It took you a series of small actions to drop to that level.

Well, it will also take small but essential actions to get out. When you celebrate small wins, it motivates you because you see progress being made, and build momentum which adds up quickly.

More Tips to Overcome Self Doubt

• Self-doubt is challenging to overcome, but it can be done by pretty much anyone who has the will.
• Brainstorm every action, process, or a bit of effort that you think could help achieving success.
• Note all the things and skills you know how to do or that you could quickly learn.
• Start learning and implementing these new skills and abilities.
• Believe you can perform better actually to perform better.
• Draw your motivation from the right well, so focus on actions that get results.
• Get away from self-doubt by taking small actions that lead to success and build on the next one.
• Release that inner genius and ignore criticism and self-doubt.

It is quite easy not even to start or give up when other people tell you that you cannot do it, or that it is an impossible dream, or that it is unrealistic, but use their doubts as motivation for you to show them wrong.

A sign of self-doubt is when you let the opinions and self-doubt of others influence you to take action on your dream or idea. You have to choose your thoughts wisely because they become your emotions which in turn dictate your actions.

Undeniably, doubts will show up into your mind. So, to overcome self-doubt, you have to choose not to believe the thoughts that give you these doubts. Uncertainties, fears, and doubts will always be part of your life, but you are the one who chooses whether or not to believe them.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Overcome-Self-Doubt&id=9809673

How to Manage Jealousy

If we are jealous towards someone then it shows our insecurity. No one is perfect and it's perfectly natural to feel jealousy towards people who seem to be better than you. However, remember it's your life and you are as unique as anyone else. Become original and don't try to copy anyone. Be yourself. We all are meant to follow our own certain paths and if we keep copying others it will not help us at all. It's better that we stick to our lives without feeling resentment or jealousy towards anyone. It will only hurt ourselves by spoiling our mood. The subject of our jealousy will not feel bad at all.

Many people keep feeling jealous of others without making any effort to improve their own lives. It's a bad strategy. Improve your own life and achieve things you want. This way you will become satisfied with your own personal and professional growth and then you will not feel any need to feel jealousy towards other people. It pays to be focused in your own life instead of keeping a tab on the progress of others. Take care of your own life and stay away from petty feelings like jealousy.

We should know that we are all unique. We were born alone and we will leave the world alone. Then there is no need to compare ourselves with others. We should take advantage of our strengths while ignoring our weaknesses. Don't forget that even if you think that some other person is better than you it's not going to stop you from achieving your full potentials. We all humans are given natural talents and strengths that most of us are not fully aware of. Once you find your strengths look for goals that fully utilize your strengths. It's no use regretting lacking a single skill while ignoring all other capabilities we have. If you feel you lack a certain skill set which is stopping you from achieving your goals then get trained in that. If you lack any technical skill then you can easily get trained. If you feel you lack good communication skills then you can learn the same in any of programs provided by professional institutes.

If you are focused on realizing your own dreams and reaching your goals then you will not feel jealous of other people who are doing well in their lives.

Stop comparison with others

If you want to get rid of jealousy then you must stop comparing yourself with others. All people have their circumstances, challenges and fears. One person should not be compared to the other simply because we all are different individuals.

Instead of comparing one person with another we should focus on good things of all people. If you stop comparing yourself with others then you will feel no need to feel jealous of other person's success. Compare yourself with only what you were yesterday. Compete with yourself. Be focused on improving yourself and you will grow. If you compare yourself with others then instead of growing you will feel miserable. If you feel that the other person is more successful than you then have a second thought. Success is a very subjective thing. Many a times we look at a person and feel that that person is successful. However, when we have a close look we realize that that person may not be as successful as we think. Many times we judge success on the base of money alone. It's a mistake. Many rich people are unhappy and sad. Success has to be much more than just money.

If you can't stop yourself from comparing to others then you should take time and sit with a calm mind. You may realize that there are many better things about you compared to that person you feel jealous of. You will realize that you are better than him or her in many aspects. Comparing yourself with another person without understating that person is a futile and misleading exercise.

Love yourself

If you love yourself enough you will have no bad feelings about other people doing well in their lives. We feel jealous mostly when we feel we are not doing enough in our lives. If you are doing well then you would feel no reason to feel jealous of others.

Be realistic

Be realistic about various factors, including success levels of all of us. If you feel that some other person is doing better than you then you should realize that that person may not be doing well in lots of other aspects of his life. Don't just assume than another person is in a better position than you. Even if someone is in a better position it doesn't take away whatever good things you have in your life.

Success is subjective

We should also understand that success is a subjective term. One person's success may be another person's failure. Fifty five percent marks in an examination may be success for a weak student but disappointment for a brilliant student. We should understand that since we all are very different from each other we have to focus on our work, and not keep comparing ourselves with others.

Many times a loser suddenly becomes a big success. On the other hand, a successful person may dramatically fail. Success is not permanent, just like failure.

Write it down

If you feel you can't stop feeling jealous of a person then you should try to write down why you feel jealous of that person and also write down why you are better than him or her in other ways. Once you have written it down you will realize that suddenly you are feeling less jealous of him or her. As you have brought the thoughts out of your mind you will feel better.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Manage-Jealousy&id=9757524

Happiness Is Not a One Size Fits All Benefit or Outer Expression

***Think of your jovial tone as something innate and individual. Keep some forms of joy hidden from the view of others that only want to exploit you- or your talents and gifts. I know of so many fantastic artists from different disciplines, that could command a great income. They dazzle by their own inborn way of processing songs, tones, melodies and crafts. Almost as if the artwork is being channeled from their very physical being, a bloodstream of talented veins of power and knowledge, in so many ways. They have the pulse on the heartbeat of creativity all stored in their mind and big brain.. I often wonder what makes them hide their talents from public view?

No, it's not insecurity or low self-esteem. It's that they are aware that people, corporations and other entities, some with a lot of means, are eager to want to take credit for their skills and talents and to steal from them, constantly. I can only admire their work from afar and know in my heart that I have met probably some of the most talented and guarded artists that one can only imagine. I just know that I understand them and their protective nature about their art getting placed into the wrong hands, and exploited by people that are indifferent to artists in general.

Having the ability to command a feeling is not as hard as we make- believe that it is! If your artwork makes you happy, there is no need to measure your treasure. NO need to have to prove or disprove to anyone that your artwork is good. Sit down and relax and perform your art, skill, gift or craft and do it because it's your own creation and because YOU CAN enjoy it ALONE! Whether it's calligraphy, botany, painting or cooking if it brings you joy, let the energy free-flow from your heart and hands to your mind and soul! Come on, let go and enjoy making yourself happy. Enjoy releasing the wealth of creative energy that flows through your blood and veins. You'll be glad that you completed your masterpiece before the end of your life. Perhaps you'll leave a legacy behind for family or extended friends or distant relatives. True Story: I heard of a man in North Africa that painted every day of his life and when he died, his painting's were discovered.He had painted so much AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL artwork, during his lifetime, that his artwork was placed in a museum. His artwork became a treasure for his country and the higher courts decided that they were valuable and represented the country very eloquently. The courts decided that this treasure find was so great that it commanded an ability to be displayed for others to see and appreciate,and this was decided after his death. ** He made himself happy, while he was alive, and made others happy after he died. What an amazing legacy he left behind!

Decide to make yourself happy on a daily basis-Go to your happy habit,space, or place where other people congregate, or to the slow, upbeat tempo in the music that you seek. Happiness and joy are subjective, though please know that the principles for contentment are all the same. If we were to define contentment as a condition or a prerequisite for something new or different what exactly would that something be?

I enjoy learning from you and from others offering me knowledge continuously!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Happiness-Is-Not-a-One-Size-Fits-All-Benefit-or-Outer-Expression&id=9625449

Message From the Universe: Insecurity Is Not That Scary of a Word

"The need to clarify, explain, or justify oneself in personal relationships is always self-serving.

What's important is knowing the truth about why you felt the need, because it often points to insecurities that could be dealt with in more effective ways.

Hi-Ho! 

The Universe"

Every actions are sometimes followed by justifications. Anything you do in life, especially if the results rendered is not quite what you expected will require you to justify your actions to other parties involved as to why you chose this specific path. When working for employers, we sometimes hesitate to take action because of the later need to justify the reasons as to why we made these decisions. For many, it can be a burden so end up never taking any initiative at work when it comes to moving forward in their careers. Hence, the reasons why many are miserable at their jobs because of no opportunities are ever presented to them. Taking higher risk will render bigger rewards, so as long as none of your actions are malicious in nature, you will always learn and get better in what you do.

The same goes with personal relationships. We often feel the need to explain or justify our actions to our significant other in the fear of them feeling left out or insecure. However, mirroring the probable outcome as to how the other will react to our justification makes us feel insecure about the reasons why we acted a certain way. We do not feel insecure personally, we fear the insecurities of the other. We hesitate to act certain ways because we are not sure how the other will react, regardless of their level of security in the relationship. We are now accountable for our behaviors since we are committed to this relationship. Being single allows you NOT to care since you do not owe anything to anyone. You do what makes you happy and couldn't care less of anybody else. This is the reason why being in a long term relationship requires you to keep in mind that your decision making process might have positive or negative repercussion in both your lives. He or she is now a part of the equation. So how do you manage someone's insecurities? By understanding the root of what makes them feel this way, you can counter attack the problem by first making them feel like they are the center of your universe, make them feel loved, even though they might throw you some insecure remarks such as:" Why are you with me, I am fat and ugly", or "they are smarter people out there, why don't you go with them" or "I am short and you are tall" or whatever else comes out of their mouth. I have conducted many therapy sessions with couples and have heard it all. Despite all these remarks that can drive anyone crazy, you need to throw a lot of "Whatevers" to these remarks and counter attack with a lot of love you's and all that good stuff. Hopefully these insecurities are just temporary until they feel more confident in the relationship. You might need to play the offense-defense approach at the same time but as we all know, life is a game and it all depends on what side you are playing.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Insecurity-Is-Not-That-Scary-of-a-Word&id=9599160

Forget About Forgetting Your Insecurity - Here's What to Do Instead

Deep down, we'd all like to be able to simply forget - or delete - our insecurity.

Some people will claim that we're better off having insecurity. Because it's a natural, human trait that keeps us grounded and in touch with our humility.

But when someone with certain ambitions also has low confidence... They just want to find that insecurity and simply press 'delete'.

I know you're out there, and I totally hear you.

However, here's why we need to go about it a different way... :

Obviously there's the fact that doing away with a considerable part of our mindset tends to be a time- and ressource-demanding process.

But there's also the fact that when we want to get rid of something, first we need to accept it.

Those of you who struggle with stress and panic anxiety will know this. The more we fight it, the worse it tends to get. It doesn't start to go away until we calmly and openly acknowledge and accept that it's there.

It's like that for all imaginable problems, really.

Hell, just imagine trying to walk on a broken leg because you won't accept that it's broken. Not exactly clever, yeah?

When we accept something, we grow a little. I'm all about personal growth, and this case is no exception.

Because, just like with stress and anxiety, when we embrace insecurity, its influence lessens because we allow ourselves to contain it.

When we're big enough, we can contain anything. Including the things that have been opposing us. And if we simply absorb our obstacles, they're no longer in our way.

Pretty cool philosophy, right?

Furthermore, if you've ever been insecure, you'll always remember that feeling no matter how hard you try to forget it. So really, it's no use. But the root of the matter is, it's not about forgetting; it's about learning to ignore it at the right moments.

And yes, I specifically use the word 'ignore' here. Some might think me self-contradictory for talking about embracing insecurity first and then simply ignore it. But really, this is how confident people do it.

Given the right set of circumstances, anyone can feel insecure about something. This is basic, primal neural functions at work. We're hardwired to look for trouble. But that doesn't mean there's really anything to be insecure about. So we need to learn to distinguish between real and perceived threats. Then, we'll be able to tell our insecurity to calm down when it's not useful.

Which, in fact, it rarely is.

Now, apart from acknowledging your insecurity, there are several things you can do that will naturally diminish it.

If done right, meditation helps. Also, exercise is always a good thing. Eating healthy and getting enough sleep should go without saying. (And then, of course, there's confidence coaching, which I most heartily recommend!)

Different things work for different people. But however you live your life, always remember this:

Everyone feels insecurity. Even confident people. It's what we DO about it that shows our real character.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Forget-About-Forgetting-Your-Insecurity---Heres-What-to-Do-Instead&id=9733275

Avoiding Emotional Pain Causes Emotional Pain

We all had to learn many ways of avoiding emotional pain as we were growing up, because we could not have survived the pain of childhood without these protective strategies - which eventually became habitual. The problem is that what once protected us against pain is now causing much of our emotional pain.

For example, Julia grew up with two very judgmental parents. Julia's response to her parents' judgment was to become a very good girl, getting good grades and always trying to please her parents. Since her parents' judgment worked to get her to do things "right," Julia learned to judge herself in order to get herself to do things right. However, instead of her self-judgment motivating her, it caused her to feel so inadequate that she would shut down and become paralyzed, unable to take loving action for herself. The more she shut down, the more she judged herself, causing intense resistance and immobilization. Her self-judgments, designed to control herself into perfection, instead were creating an inner resistance and resulting feelings of inadequacy. By trying to avoid the emotional pain of others' rejection with her self-judgments, Julia was causing herself the emotional pain of inner abandonment.

In her attempts to avoid the core painful feelings of life - loneliness, heartbreak, grief and helplessness over others - Julia was actually causing herself the painful wounded feelings of emptiness, aloneness, anxiety and depression. She felt these wounded feelings much of the time due to the self-abandonment that resulted from her self-judgments. In her efforts to avoid all this emotional pain, she would then turn to food and alcohol. However, being overweight was also painful to her.

Obviously, the strategy for protection against the pain of rejection that she learned when she was young - self-judgment - was causing her to constantly experience anxiety, depression, emptiness, aloneness, procrastination and feelings of inadequacy. By trying to avoid pain, she was creating pain.

Mario grew up with a father who was rarely around. He drank and ran around with other women. When his father was around, he was highly critical of Mario. Mario's mother was a sweet, caring and compliant woman who loved Mario and never complained about his father. Mario learned to be sweet and compliant with others, but he treated himself just like his father treated him. To protect himself from the pain of rejection, he was compliant with others and judgmental of himself. In addition, he had learned to ignore his own feelings, just as his father had ignored him. He felt safer when he focused on others' feelings, trying to take care of them rather than caring about himself. As a result, Mario felt unimportant, anxious, alone and inadequate. No matter how much he gave to others and others gave to him, Mario felt insecure due to his own self-judgments and self-ignoring. His insecurity resulted in a constant fear that his girlfriend was going to leave him for someone "better."

Just as with Julia, Mario's attempts to avoid the pain of rejection with his caretaking, self-judgments and ignoring his own feelings resulted in more emotional pain.

Many of the people who seek my help do so because they are struggling with sadness, anxiety, depression, aloneness, loneliness, emptiness, addictions, insecurity and resistance. Underneath all this wounded pain is their intent to protect against the core pain of life that might result from rejection and other losses, such as loneliness, heartbreak, grief and helplessness over others. But in their efforts to avoid the core pain of life, they are rejecting themselves with their self-judgments and addictions. Rather than being mindful of and attending to their own feelings, they are abandoning themselves by ignoring their feelings with their self-judgments and addictions to substances and processes.

As long as they continue to protect again the deeper core pain of life that may result from rejection and other losses, they will be stuck with their anxiety, depression, emptiness, procrastination and fear.

When you are willing to be mindful of your feelings and willing to take responsibility for them, you will begin to move out of the pain that you are creating. Remember, you always have two choices in every given moment - to try to have control over getting love and avoiding pain, or to be open to learning about loving yourself. If you are tired of the pain you are in and want joy instead, start with being mindful of your feelings and being in compassion instead of judgment for yourself. Try it!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Avoiding-Emotional-Pain-Causes-Emotional-Pain&id=9429583

How to Build Self Esteem After Divorce

Divorce can be wrecking on lots of levels.

In addition to the financial toll and tension on both partners, it can rapidly destroy one's self-esteem. Even those who initiate the divorce procedure can experience extraordinary psychological turmoil leading to be sorry for, tension and anxiety and insecurity. Those who were not anticipating or in any way desiring the split can leave feeling psychologically harmed, confused and questioning their own worth. It's difficult to tackle these problems alone.

A support system, personal coach, professional counselor or other comparable resources will be incredibly important in reminding you that

1) you are not alone in your experiences or sensations and

2) there is a brighter future ahead for you-- if you take proactive steps in that guidelines.

While friends and family are usually extremely well-intentioned, their support might not continuously be essential for you. They have their own agendas, point of views and values about marital relationship, family and divorce. Exactly exactly what you most require at this tough time is a help system that is dispassionate, caring and educated about liable practices that will move you into a more positive chapter in your life.

Here are a couple of ideas to direct you in enhancing your confidence throughout the divorce and its effects.

Be dedicated to releasing the past: If you remain stuck in experiencing once again and sticking to exactly what not is your truth, you will not open the door to the next chapter in your life. There will be far better, brighter days ahead-- if you enable that awareness into your experience. Make space in your life for brand-new good pals, relationships, profession choices and fulfilling activities. Attempt to discover and anticipate new chances in new places.

See the future as a favorable start for you and your kids. You'll be happily impressed about exactly what you can produce when you expect advantages ahead.

Select your business carefully: We can not quickly change other people, however we can change individuals we link with. If your social group isn't encouraging of you, or tends to indulge self-pity, understand you have an option in your life about who you invest time with. Select rather, aware, introspective individuals who accept task for their own habits and proactively move ahead in transforming their lives.

Abandon the blame online video game and put yourself in the company of beneficial people with high confidence who can value you, with all your belongings and travel luggage, as the great individual you are. You may find these individuals where you least anticipate them.

So get out of your comfort zone-- and be responsive to brand-new buddies and brand-new experiences. Be versatile about adjustment: Life is constantly filled with changes, not simply throughout divorce.

Get comfy with the unknowns ahead and accept that modification is inescapable. While dark durations are tough to deal with, acknowledge they too will fall away and be replaced with better days and new relationships. Hear your self-talk. Release limiting beliefs about yourself.

When you catch yourself in doubt, concern or put-down language, end up being aware of that message and purposely refute it. I am a beneficial mother and fathers. I can draw in a new caring partner. I am worthy of being delighted in my relationships. My children love me and understand just how much I like them.

Recognize precisely what you wish to change about yourself from within and loosen up about handling scenarios around you. When you issue accept the reality of adjustments in your life, you'll feel more at peace with yourself and those around you. Life is everything about options and decisions.

Utilize your divorce as a motorist for favorable modification. Pick to be the person and mother and father you most prefer to be. Then enjoy how circumstances around you settle into area more harmoniously than you ever expected.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Build-Self-Esteem-After-Divorce&id=9440781

Have a Mind of Your Own

It takes consistent personal effort and that moment of lining up with that decision to eliminate things, tasks, people, that consume and drain you to no-end. Or else, there isn't really much change to your current pattern of thoughts and the way you carry yourself in your day-to-day life. You're always tired and emotionally drained and a chore to be with, always dumping your problems and issues onto other people. Or vice-versa, having people do that to you.

What goes around, comes around. That's what a vicious cycle is. You get back the exact same thing you put out there for others. That - is the balance of nature. It circles right back to you. You are still giving away what you don't have, I call it having your emotions "in deficit".

Whether you harbor a great insecurity and fear for aging, for your weight, your finances, your relationships, any single one of that (individually) is considered being emotionally tied down, as trivial as it may seem. As long as you carry stress and negative habit of thoughts about any single aspect of your life, you are not completely "free". If it pops up in your head constantly and lingers around, you are not free. Most people just grow accustomed to all these negative feelings over a period that it eventually feels "normal" to have it stick around in their life experience.

When was the last time you said or heard, "someone said the other day... someone told me last week... I heard from someone... " over your conversations? If that "someone" isn't YOU, keep it to yourself and don't pass it on to anyone. Even if that someone is your mother. Especially if it is your mother. If you've never tasted it, tried it, felt it your-self, don't tell someone what "someone else" said. That's like trying to feed a per-son food that your own pet dog wouldn't even steal a sniff. If you haven't even tasted it, don't offer it to someone else.

Don't blindly believe everything you see and hear without experiencing it for yourself to see that it truly serves you well too, and don't doubt anything you've never seen or heard before, at first chance without trying and simply write it off without thinking twice. In short, have a mind of your own. A strong and sturdy one that will tide you through the harshest of conditions. Making the shift (learning how to) to make the decision to follow your own heart (& own mind) lays the foundation to customize yourself a belief system that serves YOU well. Permanently.

Self-love & worthiness is validated not by the compliments people pay you, but from your own acceptance to love and honor yourself completely. Each time you feel the need to hear a praise to feel good about yourself, you shoot yourself in the foot and when you constantly need someone's approval to appreciate your very own self, you will never ever feel free for the rest of your life.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Have-a-Mind-of-Your-Own&id=9493756

3 Common Causes of Insecurity and How to Beat Them

15 tools to help you bounce back when you're feeling down about yourself.

Do you find yourself feeling filled with self-doubt and short on confidence? Despite your accomplishments, do you feel like a fraud destined to be exposed? Do you feel that you don’t deserve lasting love and that partners will inevitably leave you? Do you stay at home, afraid to venture out and meet new people because you don’t feel you have enough to offer? Do you feel overweight, boring, stupid, guilty, or ugly?

Most of us feel insecure sometimes, but some of us feel insecure most of the time. The kind of childhood you had, past traumas, recent experiences of failure or rejection, loneliness, social anxiety, negative beliefs about yourself, perfectionism, or having a critical parent or partner can all contribute to insecurity. Following are the 3 most common forms—and how to begin to cope with them.

Type 1: Insecurity Based on Recent Failure or Rejection

Recent events in our lives can greatly affect both our mood and the way we feel about ourselves. Research on happiness suggests that up to 40% of our “happiness quotient” is based on recent life events. The biggest negative contributor to happiness is the ending of a relationship, followed by the death of a spouse, job loss, and negative health events. Since unhappiness also influences your self-esteem, failure and rejection can deliver a double whammy to your confidence. In his book Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure and Other Everyday Hurts, Psychology Today blogger Guy Winch states that rejection inevitably leads us to see both ourselves and other people more negatively, at least for a time. And those of us who have lower self-esteem to begin with are more reactive to failure. It’s as if an experience like losing your job grabs old negative beliefs about your self-worth and activates them. It may help to understand that failure is a nearly ubiquitous experience: Before becoming president, Abraham Lincoln lost his job, was defeated for nomination to Congress, and failed at least twice in Senate bids. Persevering despite setbacks can lead to eventual successes—which raise your self-esteem.

Below are some tools you can use to overcome failure- or rejection-based insecurity:

1. Give yourself time to heal and adapt to the new normal.
2. Get out and engage with life, following your interests and curiosity.
3. Reach out to friends and family for distraction and comfort.
4. Get feedback from people you trust.
5. Persevere and keep moving towards your goals.
6. Be willing to try a different strategy if necessary.

Type 2: Lack of Confidence Because of Social Anxiety

Many of us experience a lack of confidence in social situations like parties, family gatherings, interviews, and dates. The fear of being evaluated by others—and found to be lacking—can lead you to feel anxious and self-conscious. As a result, you may avoid social situations, experience anxiety when you anticipate social events, or feel self-conscious and uncomfortable during them. Past experience can feed your sense of not belonging, not feeling important or interesting, or just not being good enough. Many of my clients describe how being bullied or excluded from a group of friends in middle school or high school continues to negatively affect their confidence as adults. If you grew up with critical parents, or parents who pressured you to be popular and successful, you may also be over-sensitized to how others perceive you. This type of insecurity is generally based on distorted beliefs about your self-worth—and about the extent to which other people are evaluating you. Most of the time, people are more focused on how they are coming across than on judging others. Those who do judge and exclude are often covering up insecurities of their own and so their opinions may be less than accurate; they may value superficial attributes instead of character and integrity.

Below are some tools to combat insecurity in social situations:

1. Talk back to your inner critic. Remind yourself of all the reasons that you can be interesting and fun or would be a good friend or partner.
2. Prepare in advance. Think of some things you can talk about—current events, movies you’ve seen, hobbies, your job, or your family.
3. Avoiding social situation just makes things worse. So go to a party or on a date even if you're nervous. Your anxiety should decrease once you get engaged with others—if not the first or second time, then once you get used to showing up.
4. Set yourself a limited, realistic goal like talking to two new people or finding out more about one person’s work and hobbies.  
5. Deliberately focus on others to combat intense self-focus. Put on your observer hat and notice what other people seem to be feeling and doing. Do you notice any similarities or skills you can learn from them?

Type 3: Insecurity Driven by Perfectionism

Some of us have very high standards for everything we do. You may want the highest grades, the best job, the perfect figure, the most beautifully decorated apartment or house, neat and polite kids, or the ideal partner. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always turn out exactly the way we want, even if we work extra hard. There is a piece of the outcome that is at least to some degree out of our control. Bosses may be critical, jobs may be scarce, partners may resist commitment, or you may have genes that make it difficult to be skinny. If you are constantly disappointed and blaming yourself for being anything less than perfect, you will start to feel insecure and unworthy. While trying your best and working hard can give you an advantage, other aspects of perfectionism that are unhealthy. Beating up on yourself and constantly worrying about not being good enough can lead to depression and anxiety, eating disorders, or chronic fatigue.

Below are some ways to combat perfectionism:

1. Try to evaluate yourself based on how much effort you put in, which is controllable, rather than on the outcome, which is dependent on external factors.  
2. Think about how much difference it would actually make if your work were 10 percent better. Would the time and energy spent in checking and re-checking or answering every email really be worth it?
3. Perfectionism is often based on all- or nothing thinking, so try to find the grey areas. Is there a more compassionate or understanding way to view a situation? Are you taking your circumstances into account when you evaluate yourself? Is there something you learned or achieved even if the end result wasn’t perfect?
4. Perfectionists often have conditional self-esteem: They like themselves when they are on top and dislike themselves when things don't go their way. Can you learn to like yourself even when you are not doing well? Focus on inner qualities like your character, sincerity, or good values, rather than just on what grades you get, how much you get paid, or how many people like you. 
    www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201512/3-common-causes-insecurity-and-how-beat-them

The Truth On How To Become Self Confident

“Cultivating a close, warm-hearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the ultimate source of success in life”. ~ Dalai Lama

If you want to know how to become self confident on a more permanent basis, I’d like you to set aside your current notions on how confidence is cultivated and give me 5 minutes to put forward my case.

You see, I actually believe that confidence arises naturally and automatically once something else is taken care of.

I also believe that the usual advice on acquiring confidence is ineffective, temporary at best, and maybe even harmful in the long run.

What I believe to be the true method for developing self-confidence may be so counter-intuitive that it shocks you.

Standard advice is along the lines of the “ra-ra” pump-up. You tell yourself that you are good enough. Maybe you even make a “what’s great about me” list. Fix your posture. Do a Superman pose (yes that is real advice given by some people). But how long will it last? If you’ve tried it, you’ll know the answer to that one.

So why is it temporary? Why does none of it really work?

Can you see what’s actually happening here? You’re merely ‘masking’ a problem, not actually dealing with the root cause.

I believe it’s like attempting to combat an inferiority complex by developing a notion of superiority. However, in my opinion, a superiority complex and an inferiority complex are two sides of the same coin.

A superiority complex is just another form of inferiority. Why?

Because the only people who desire to be better than everyone else are those who feel inferior. The need to “outshine” everyone is actually born of fear and weakness, not strength.

So therefore:

• Fear
• Insecurity
• Inferiority

…masks itself as:

• Arrogance
• Overcompensation
• Superiority

The temporary pump-up method is based on a totally erroneous understanding of what true confidence really is.

Your job is not to overcome low self-confidence, but to allow it to disappear as if it never existed.

How?

Ok, I’ve kept you in suspense long enough. What we need to find is the antidote to fear, insecurity, inferiority and so on.

And I think it can be summed up in one word…

Goodwill.

If you can fill yourself with a sense of goodwill for everyone, can you possibly be fearful? Can you feel inferior when your mind is at ease like this?

The Dalai Lama, a man I have immense respect for, calls it “warm-heartedness”. Can you feel insecure with a warm heart? I don’t think it’s possible.

Here is another quote from His Holiness:

“I try to treat whoever I meet as an old friend. This gives me a genuine feeling of happiness.”

With a friendly and genuine interest in others, you can’t help but be confident. And the strangest thing is, you are doing it without giving a single thought to how confident you are. Like I said at the top of the article, it arises naturally and automatically.

When you live with a warm heart, your focus and interest is on other people. In any given situation then you naturally come across as secure and confident, without any actual conscious effort on your part.

So fear and insecurity are removed with this new mindset – it’s gone. But was it “conquered”? Was insecurity battled and fought? No. These states of mind simply cease to exist in a mind that is friendly and at ease. There was no battle; confidence arises as a natural by-product.

It’s like happiness itself: The more you pursue it directly, the more it eludes you. Happiness comes indirectly while you’re doing other things.

So my belief and my message is this: Traditional methods of improving confidence tend to be egoistic and self-centered. I’m convinced that this can only bring temporary change at best…and it may even make things worse.

In contrast, the more your thoughts and actions are motivated by a sense of goodwill, the freer and more confident you will become.

So it turns out that you don’t need to be Superman, you just need a warm heart.

And it’s just a lot easier

http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/truth-become-self-confident/