New Year's Resolutions: Mistakes To Avoid + Be Successful

Most people look at the beginning of the year as a chance to change their lives,

However, I have seen that at least 50% of those who establish New Year's Resolutions or Big Goals for the New Year fail.

Reasons are that people are putting so much pressure on themselves to make New Year's Resolutions. or believe their lives will change at the stroke of midnight. Such extreme pressure sets your up for failing. Most people are in a fog from the holidays on January 1st that they don't even think about starting because they are tired or stressed.

For example, I had a client who for a couple years in a row said he was going to stop smoking for the New Year. He never did because he really felt pressure and in his heart really did not want to stop. This is so common to make such grand choices because people feel they are expected to make choices such as losing weight, stop smoking or other

habits that they really don't think about much the rest of the year.

How you can increase the likelihood of keeping a resolution or a new habit?

Whether is a New Year's Resolution or setting goals, people are more likely to success if they just take the time at the end of the year or when they are goal-setting to reflect. People should reflect on the past year or recent month to get a baseline or reference point on what they have been doing with their life and where they are at right now.

Asking 'heart-felt: questions are the key.

You must reflect before you make your choices.

1. Write down what you have done this last year.

Do these for different areas of your life such as work, relationships and self (self-care).

2. Ask yourself: What is missing in my life?

What have I not done yet?

3. Ask Yourself: What would I most likely to have in my life right now?

Image or picture what you most want in your life.

How would I feel in the next few years if I have not pursued my dreams and goals?

Don't be upset if you have negative thoughts or reactions, let 'inspirational dissatisfaction' motivate you.

The likelihood of making goals and developing a new habit are based on the questions what must be asked before goal setting. If you do not take the time to ask yourself these questions you are just shooting arrows in the dark at a target.

4. Goals:

After these questions then you are ready to make 2 to 4 goals.

Keep these tips in mind when you make your goals. To begin building new habits that support your goals or just wanting to make a change inhabits I suggest:

1. Start with small gradual moves or steps.

For example. if you want a new career or skills don't quit your job to go back full-time to school, take one course for a start and see if you like it. Break the goal down to tangible parts.

2. Break free of excuses

What may sound as valid reason for not working on your goals and new habits are really 'agony anchors' that hold you back. These are feelings of fear of change.

I hear from clients that they are 'too busy', 'I had no time this week' and other self-pity statements. This is never empowering. I have clients get a calendar or put in the cell phone calendar the day or evening they will work on their new goals and habits.

Example: If it is to go to the gym, schedule it in your calendar. Pre-plan and make this appointment with yourself. I am amazed how crowded my gym is in January and have many people stop going by Feb, because they have allowed many 'distractions" in their lives. Yes, things pop-up. If and when they do, immediately re-schedule your calendar when you will attend.

3. Don't share your goals or some of them with people who will act critical. Only tell those who will encourage and support you.

To become happier and more confident -- avoid emotional vampires. Unhappy people allow "emotional vampires" to suck their positive feelings right out of their skulls. Emotional vampires include people who put you down, criticize or mock you, or sabotage your dreams and aspirations. Never let snipers or negative people shoot holes in your boat. These types of people drain the life out of you.

Take survey of your life by making a list of people and situations you expose yourself to. Then, discard or limit people, habits or situations that keep you from feeling optimistic and happy. In other words, 'burn your bridges' if needed.

Example: I had a young client in her early 30's who wanted to train to run a half-marathon. She was very excited. She told her mother what she was planning to do and her mother looked at her and said, "you can't do that... " She was upset and learned very quickly this principle of enlisting those who are only positive and supportive.

Follow these tips and you will not only be successful in the New Year, you will feel happier and optimistic.

http://ezinearticles.com/?New-Years-Resolutions:-Mistakes-To-Avoid-+-Be-Successful&id=9842278

Loving Yourself When in Conflict (By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.)

One of the questions I often receive is about how to manage conflict. If you think back to the role-modelling you received regarding how to manage conflict, you will likely remember that your parents or other caregivers fought, complied, withdrew in anger, blamed or resisted, or just shut down and ignored the conflict. Do you have any images of your role models loving themselves through conflict, and of healthy conflict resolution?

Lissel asked:

"When I'm in a conflict with someone I start to feel anxious, angry and withdrawn from the person. Then I start to think about the conflict, what I said, what the other person said, and it goes on and on. It makes me feel nervous. What to do in these situations?"

Lissel, you feel anxious and angry and you withdraw because you are abandoning yourself rather than loving yourself. There are only two ways of managing conflict that are loving to you.

If you are capable of opening to learning about how you see things and how the other person sees things, and you think that the other person will open to learning with you, then it's loving to yourself to open to learning, which can lead to win-win conflict resolution.

If you can't open or you know the other person won't open, then loving yourself means lovingly disengaging, which is very different from withdrawal. When you withdraw, you are angry and punishing the other person by withdrawing your love, but when you lovingly disengage, you are loving yourself by getting yourself out of range of the conflict. Then, do your Inner Bonding work and come back in 30 minutes to see if resolution is possible. If not, you need to decide for yourself what is loving to you in the face of the other person being closed to resolution.

We all need to accept that we can't hear each other when we are angry, so there is no point in saying anything when one or both are angry.

Lissel, if you were loving yourself through the conflict, you wouldn't ruminate. You ruminate when you abandon yourself.

Maureen asked:

"How do I talk reasonably with my husband when he gets so fired up over any question that challenges his way of thinking?"

Maureen, it's not possible to talk reasonably with your husband when he's fired up. When we are angry, we are operating from the lower part of our brain. The reasonable part of us isn't even online. This is the time to lovingly disengage, and perhaps try to talk about it later, when he is calm.

Shelly asked:

"My boyfriend can get mad and scold me like a child and uses an angry and intense tone. I ask him to please not talk to me that way and he often continues. I bring it up later and he does not seem to understand how hurtful this is and he does not apologize. I feel so disrespected and abused. It is damaging our relationship. I know that I should just leave when he behaves that way and if I do he will then ignore me for several days then he calls me. We are caught in this terrible cycle. I feel like we are at the end of our relationship. Any advice?"

Shelly, there is no point in continuing to ask him not to talk to you that way because you have no control over how he talks you, or whether he will talk about it later or apologize. The only thing you have control over is you. By trying to control him rather than lovingly disengaging, you are allowing yourself to be disrespected and abused, and are disrespecting yourself. You are staying and being abused to try to control him into not ignoring you for days, but you need to accept that this is what he sometimes does. When you show up for yourself and choose to love yourself rather than continue to try to control him, things might improve between you.

Loving yourself, including in the face of conflict, can have a major impact on all your relationships!

Download 25 Most Powerful Motivational Quotes

http://ezinearticles.com/?Loving-Yourself-When-in-Conflict&id=9569494

The 9 Most Common Regrets People Have At The End Of Life

The six years I spent working in hospice care were some of the most profound and meaningful of my life.

I sat at the bedsides of dying men and women as they tried to make peace with their time spent on this earth. Some were able to find resolution. Others were not.

Although each person’s life story was unique, certain regrets were expressed time and time again. We don’t have to wait until it’s too late. We can make conscious choices now to live fully and make the most out of each opportunity we have. These nine regrets expressed by hospice patients can teach us how to start living a better life today.

1. I wish I had been more loving to the people who matter the most.

Many people expressed sorrow for not having been more understanding, caring, and present for the people who were important to them. They wished they had the courage to say “I love you” more often.

Take a few moments to write a letter or make a phone call to someone you love and let them know how much you care. It will mean the world to them, and it'll make you feel pretty great too.

2. I wish I had been a better spouse, parent, or child.

The people I worked with often regretted taking their families for granted. After all, once they got terminally ill, it was their families who stuck by them to hold their hand, provide love and companionship, and care for them around the clock.

Even if your family is not perfect, they're probably the ones who are there for you when you need them. Remember to express gratitude for them daily.

3. I wish I had not spent so much time working.

Many had worked long, hard hours and they regretted missing the important moments in their kids’ lives. I remember one such person — a salesman whose boss expected him to travel three weeks each month when he had a young daughter at home. Although he was an excellent provider for her, he never got to know her well. As she became older, he tried to form a relationship with her but it was too late to make up for lost time. He never fully forgave himself for choosing time at work over time with her.

Remember that you have choices when it comes to your job. Choose a company that values a healthy work-life balance. It's okay to respectfully decline additional assignments that would require you to work beyond your assigned hours. Your job is important, but there are other things in life that are just as important.

Even if your family is not perfect, they're probably the ones who are there for you when you need them.

4. I wish I had taken more risks.

Many felt that a fear of failure caused them play it too safe. They knew that they could have had richer, more fulfilling lives had they taken some risks and disturbed the status quo.

One gentleman I worked with decided he had stayed in the confines of his comfort zone for far too long. Soon after learning of his diagnosis, he took the biggest risk he could think of. A sixtysomething man with a prosthetic leg, a terminal illness, and a desire for adventure, he jumped from an airplane at an altitude of 15,000 feet and soared toward the Earth at a rate of 115 mph. He told me that the freedom and exhilaration he experienced skydiving was greater than anything he had ever done before, and he had no idea why he waited so long to try it.

Consider making a list of everything you have ever wanted to experience in life. Then start crossing them off one by one and watch your happiness (and your comfort zone) expand dramatically.

5. I wish I had been happier and enjoyed life more.

Most people regretted the time they wasted worrying about things beyond their control. They didn't realize they were capable of choosing fun and happiness until it was too late.

Spend a few minutes every day doing something that you love and that brings you joy.

6. I wish I had lived my own dream.

Many people’s lifelong dreams went unfulfilled because they were too concerned with trying to live up to someone else’s expectations.

You are the only one who knows what’s best for you. Allow yourself to be open to endless possibilities. When envisioning your dream, remember this mantra, “this or something even better.”

Make time to go on a nature walk, take a nap, or meditate each and every day.

7. I wish I had taken better care of myself.

Most patients thought that if they'd eaten better, slept more, and paid more attention to their health and well-being, they might not have gotten sick. They wished they had made self-care more of a priority.

Make time to go on a nature walk, take a nap, or meditate each and every day.

8. I wish I’d have done more for others.

I heard countless wishes from people who dreamed of making a difference through kindness, compassion, and acts of service. Many patients made the decision, oftentimes right from their hospice beds, to donate their money to charities and service organizations so they could positively affect the lives of others after they were gone.

Pick a cause that is special to you and consider donating a bit of your time or money to help someone in need.

9. I wish I had chosen work that was meaningful for me.

Many expressed that they had never enjoyed their job but had stuck with it year after year to pay the bills. They wished instead that they had chosen work that was in line with their purpose and passions — work that they were excited about and gave them a sense of fulfillment.

Take some time to get crystal clear on what you are passionate about. You can then begin looking for work that speaks to these passions.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-23024/the-9-most-common-regrets-people-have-at-the-end-of-life.html