10 Common Thoughts You May Be Dis-Empowering Yourself With

We were all born codependent. We relied on those close to us to survive and feel welcomed into this big, chaotic world. We needed that tender, motherly embrace to know we were safe and nurtured; to get the sense that each of us were the most important person in the Universe. We were connected to the flow of life and vibrated in pure love, expecting the same in return.

Unfortunately, those loving impressions don't usually last long (and for some are cut short right away), because no matter how well-intentioned, parents have egos and wounded emotional patterns that often prevent them from tuning into the needs of their children. Not because they don't love them, but because their love gets tainted and distorted with unresolved issues they themselves carry from childhood and aren't aware of.

I have yet to find a family that isn't dysfunctional in this overly masculine and sensory-oriented world where everyone is continuously trying to heal by seeking external validation, thus simply reproducing the codependency of childhood. It's very likely that your parents or caretakers weren't nurtured enough either and unconsciously expected you to help them heal. They weren't necessarily bad people; they were just passing on the prevalent dynamic of a world that values ego above all else and promotes fear and hatred more than compassion and love.

You may be unaware of your emotional patterns and the beliefs you inherited from the figures in your life as you were growing up, but they shape your self-perception, which in turn creates your reality and colors your relationships. As a result, you may be unconsciously doing things that dis-empower you or make you feel less important than others, and you treat yourself like those who couldn't make you feel like the most important person in the Universe when you really needed it.

Now, you're probably thinking, "Hold on, I'm not the most important person in the Universe, and thinking so is self-centered and egotistic. I'm supposed to be generous and loving and selfless." But here's the thing: you should be the most important person in your Universe. Not because you're better than others, but because you need to reconnect to that flow of love and life that is your true nature and only you can express in your unique way. You were one with it when you were born and hadn't yet formed an ego, but now you have to make the effort to look within and break free from those self-defeating thoughts and dynamics that fashioned your ego.

You Are the Most Important Person In Your Life

It is from your perception that everything takes shape around you as you interpret it as an individual experience. In other words, you are the producer, director, and main character of your life-movie, and it all gets projected on the screen of your mind. So if you unknowingly place yourself below others or hide behind situations or people, chances are you remain disconnected from yourself without accomplishing or expressing what you want, or you 'go through the motions' without feeling fully present in your own life or truly enjoying it.

Placing yourself at the center of life doesn't mean you don't care about other people, although to remain centered you do need to care less about what they think and judge in you and more about what YOU want, because that's how your attention and your energy get pulled in different directions. Living from your center means not excluding yourself from the equation of love as you interact in the world and taking spiritual responsibility to invest your energy in the life you want to create and experience.

To achieve this Sacred Selfishness, where you honor everything you are to get to the infinite, loving core of your soul, you need to recognize how you may be self-sabotaging and self-effacing, and let go of what no longer serves you. Here are 10 simple examples to get you started:

1. You see others as more important (or beautiful, intelligent, valuable, creative, etc.) than you.
2. You feel guilty (or lost) if you don't please or take care of other people.
3. You believe giving as much as possible makes you "good" or "spiritual," but you don't give yourself what you need.
4. You tend to take all the responsibility for your relationships.
5. You are ashamed or afraid to express who you really are and what you really want.
6. You tend to focus on what's wrong or missing and neglect to take care of yourself and do things you enjoy.
7. You let fear, judgment, doubt or a sense of obligation dictate the choices you make.
8. You doubt or disbelieve your talents and gifts, and rely on external validation to feel good.
9. You believe that if you invest in what you truly want others won't love you.
10. You are generous with others but stingy with yourself.

Be radically honest as you go through that list, and please share in the comments below other self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors you have identified. The more you recognize the beliefs that feed your dis-empowering self-perception, it's easier to dismiss them and discover your true value, to place yourself at the center of your life. But be ready to ride the wave of discomfort (guilt and fear) that comes with any transformation!

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7 Criticisms You Need to Crush If You Are Looking to Live The High Life

"Know Thyself."

In one way or another, many of the greats have passed on the above message. Whilst many look outward for the answers to their problems, the wise look within.

However, having gotten over the fact that one has to look within for the answers to life, there are still a number of factors dragging people down, stopping them from really ever fulfilling their dreams and aspirations.

What are they? Well, I call them the 7 Critical Killers.

As we go through them, see if anything rings true with you. Could it be that any of the 7 Critical Killers has gotten hold of you and doesn't want to let you go? If you agree to that, this article could be one of the most important you would have read to date.

So let's get right into them. Here are the 7 critical killers:

1. Criticism of self

2. Age

3. Income

4. Education

5. Experience

6. Personality

7. Other People's opinions 

Now, this list is by no means exhaustive. No doubt there are a number of other criticisms people face. But, for this article, we'll go with the seven that are listed.

1. Criticism of Self

Let's face it - all other criticisms pale in significance when compared to this one. Self doubt, poor self-esteem, and a weak self-image all lead to an internal dialogue which would shock many, if the outside world were to eavesdrop on it.

What or who is that inner dialogue with? It's with our own inner personal gremlin, the voice that stops us from everything that's great. It's the dampener of spirit, the killer of dreams. It's the very frightened part of us trying to make sure that we play life safe.

Think back. Have you ever wanted to really do something, attend something, or learn something, but got thrown out of the game because you already gave yourself reasons as to why it just "simply can't be done"?

This is the inner critic. If you don't pay regular and daily attention to it, it will muscle in on your life and squeeze you out of all your dreams, hopes and aspirations.

2. Age

I suppose it's in the way someone says it, right? I mean, if they say it like, "how old did you say you were?" Or, "do you think you should be doing that at your age?" Or even, "What, they're 10-20 years younger than you! You'll end up looking like a fool!"

Think of what's better: the person who has a number of years on their side resigned to the fact that they are aging, or a person that says, "yes, I've picked up a lot of experience during my years and am looking to see what I can learn next!"

Can you see how easy it is to get psyched and phased out from mere simple statements? And how one can live a powerful and contributing life by knowing how to interpret the statement for personal gain?

Life really does hang in the balance based on how we're able to deflect the bad, and focus on the positive and good.

3. Income

"How much do you earn?" "You've been at this business opportunity thing for a long time now. How much are you bringing in?" "Shouldn't you be independently wealthy now?" "What, you haven't even got a private pension? What are you going to do when things really take a dive in your later life?"

If any of the above statements make you squirm a little uncomfortably, you can be sure there's a defense system that's just raised its head. And look, society has an insatiable appetite in wanting to know who earns what, who's bought what, whose kids go to what private school, what's the latest car they're driving, and what have you.

And, it's here to stay. If any of it makes you that uncomfortable, then congratulations! Because you're in exactly the right place to turn things around if you truly desire it.

4. Education

If there was one area people have a hang up about, it's in the area of education. They feel it a personal criticism that they couldn't attend the best of schools or universities. That they didn't have the opportunities to excel in their studies when at an earlier age.

Now, what's also true is that those who do emerge from the educational and institutional system are dissatisfied in carrying out their chosen discipline in the wider world.

Quire frankly, there's a whole industry in home study systems, vocational programmes, learning institutions who are aiming to fill the void many people feel they have, as well as catering to those looking to master a new set of skills.

5. Having No Experience

I've seen the self criticism and the critical arrows of others when it comes to learning something anew. And yes, there's a huge yawning gap as the wide as the Grand Canyon in the minds of those who feel they do not have the adequate experience when tackling something for the first time.

It's as if people feel they can't learn what it takes to make up this missing ingredient. Experience comes from doing, from interaction, from being able to take constructive help and acting on the feedback.

6. Personality

When you see someone who has just the most natural of personalities, the most attractive persona, the most flawless character, it's almost inevitable that we start comparing and finding faults in how we measure up. Our own critical antennae start flickering.

If we were to go back into the playground, it's probably true to say that the more attractive our personalities, as well as how we appeared to others, the more friends we had. And for many, this scenario is played out in their lives to the present day.

Statements like "you're too shy", "that's just the way you are", "he doesn't speak that much", "she's gone into her shell", "he's too outspoken", "who'd want to hang around with you", and other such things are all designed to pigeonhole a person. Eventually, these people are then known by these personal characteristics, which are then taken as criticisms.

7. Other People's Opinions

We look to our parents, our educators, the government, society, television, religious institutions, the press, other people in authority to give us the ideals in how we're supposed to live. And, for the most part, we lap everything up - hook, line and sinker.

However, when the time comes for any of those we hold in high esteem to tell us we're no good, we're not living well, we're sinners, we're fat, we're uncultured, or we're uneducated, we take their criticisms to heart. We truly believe that in some way, we're bad.

Sadly, that's just the way most of the world wants us to believe. But, we don't have to play their game!

As you've just read, there's a lot to contend with as we move through life. Criticism seems to be the normal way of things. However, what doesn't have to stay the same is the way we deal with and treat criticism.

We can either be reactionary to it all, or we can take the proactive approach and step in front of criticism before it reaches our senses and deal with it like we would deal with something unwanted. We can send the gift of criticism back to its originator, without so much as a negative thought. Just like an unwanted letter, we can return to sender in our own mind before criticism has a chance to strike.

It's not the way most people choose to live. However, if you're looking to live life at the top, it's essential to deal with criticism in a swift and efficient manner.

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