What to Do If You Have Anger Problems

Anger is an emotion we feel like sadness, fear, joy and happiness. It is a feeling that is normal, healthy and serves the function of letting us know when all is not right in our world. However, when felt too intensely, too frequently or expressed inappropriately, (through violence, intimidation or verbal abuse) is when anger becomes a problem. Even when anger does not result in violence, the inappropriate expression of anger such as verbal abuse or threatening behavior often result in negative consequences not only for themselves but also for others around them.

There are numerous ways one can manage anger. Developing as many strategies to use in situations of anger can reduce the possibility that one will explode and/or act in an unhealthy manner. Here are several techniques to use when you are beginning to escalate.

1.) Take a time-out. Leave the situation that is causing the escalation of anger or stop the discussion that may be provoking it. Timeouts can be very effective when combined with other strategies such as breathing exercises or relaxation techniques.

2.) Use thought stopping. In this approach you simply tell yourself through a series of commands to stop thinking the thoughts that are getting you angry (i.e. I need to stay calm so I don't lose my job, I need to control my anger before it controls me).

3.) Use the conflict resolution model. Identify the problem causing the conflict, identify the feeling associated, decide whether to resolve the conflict or let it go. Ask yourself is it worth responding to or should I just let this go and move on? Identify any potential consequences if you are going to address the situation. If you have decided that the situation is worth getting angry about and there's something you can do to make it better, the key is to express your feelings in a healthy way.

4.) Communicate your anger using assertiveness. Use "I statements, which sound like: When you (specify the behavior), I feel (identify your feeling) and I want (identify your need).

5.) Journal writing. You may find that writing your thoughts and feelings is a powerful tool in reducing anger. Write about everything you felt, perceived, thought and experienced. Write for whatever length of time it takes to calm down so that you can move forward.

If your anger is becoming uncontrollable despite using anger management strategies, you may need additional help. There are many therapists, classes, and programs for anger management. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Finding others who can relate to your experiences and offer you support can be very helpful in managing anger.

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Boundaries: Can A Lack Of Boundaries Cause Someone To Have Anger Problems?

While there are some people who get angry from time to time; there are others who are angry almost all the time. Yet this is not to say that there are only two categories, as there are going to be others who are rarely, if ever angry.

When one experiences life in this way, they could believe that there is no reason for them to get angry, and the people around them could see them as an inspiration. But even though someone who doesn't get angry can be seen as more developed than someone is more or less always angry, it doesn't mean that this is the case.

A Reason

What this comes down to is that human beings have the ability to experience anger for a reason, and it could be said that the primary reason they can experience it is to protect themselves. So whenever one feels as though they are being taken advantage of or violated, it will be normal for them to experience anger.

Now, this is not to say that one needs to be controlled by their anger; what it means is that it is important for them to be connected to this part of themselves. Through having this connection, they will be able to pay attention to the information that is being provided.

For Example

If one is in touch with their anger and their boundaries are crossed, they would realise what has taken place. It would then be possible for them to take action, and this may mean that one has to step away and/or to speak up, for instance.

However, if one was not in touch with their anger, they might not even realise what has taken place. Thus, there would be no reason for them to do anything, and this could then mean that it will be normal for them to be walked over.

Containment

In the first example, one is not going to be controlled by their anger; they will simply pay attention to the information that is being provided. Another way of looking at this would be to say that their anger is contained.

But in the second example, there is going to be no reason for them to contain anything, and this is because they are not going to experience anger. What they could find is that they experience fear instead, and this will cause them to retract within themselves.

Sense of Self

As a result of this, one will lose themselves and they will end up being controlled by someone else. And on the other hand, if one can contain their anger they are not going to lose themselves and they are not going to feel the need to control someone else.

They will be maintaining their own boundaries and they will have no interest in trying to take advantage of anyone else. On the other hand, if one is unable to control their anger, it could be normal for them to violate other people's boundaries.

The Opposite Experience

This is not to say that they won't experience fear like the person above; what it mean is that they won't be in touch with this part of themselves. Through being overwhelmed by anger, it will cause them to feel empowered.

One can then have no idea where they begin and end and where other people begin and end. Through not being able to contain their anger, it will be a challenge for them to think clearly.

Regret

But once their anger has subsided, they may start to think about why they behaved as they did, and this could mean that they experience regret. What could make it even harder for them to handle their behaviour is if it is something that takes place on a regular basis.

Having said that, there is also the chance that they won't experienced regret, and this would show how caught up they are. One could believe that they don't have any other choice and there will then be no reason for them to feel bad about their behaviour.

One Option

However, if one was aware of how destructive their behaviour is and they wanted to do something about it, they might end up looking into how they can control their anger. And while they could read a few books, they could also have some kind of therapy or caching.

During this time, they may come to believe that the reason they get so angry is because of what is taking place in their head. Thus, in order for them to settle themselves down, it will be important for them to 'think differently'.

Exposed

After applying what they have learnt, they may find that they begin to settle down, and this will then allow them to carry on with their life. At the same time, one may find that this doesn't have much of an effect on them, and this could be a sign that they need to focus on their body as opposed to their mind.

If they were to take the time to connect with their body, they may find that they feel expose, and through experiencing anger, it stops them from feeling so vulnerable around others. If this is the case, it going to mean that they haven't developed boundaries.

Boundaries

On one level, boundaries allow one to say yes and no, as well as to know where they begin and end and where others begin and end, and on another level, they will allow them to feel safe in their body. Therefore, having boundaries allows one to feel safe at an energetic level.

So if one doesn't have boundaries, it is going to be normal for them to feel extremely vulnerable around others, and through being angry, it stops them from having to face how they feel at a deeper level. Based on this, it is not going to be enough for them to simply change their thoughts.

Early Years

When one is in a position where they haven't developed boundaries, it can be due to what took place during their childhood years. During this time, they may have been abused in some way.

This is not to say that one would been physically abused, as they may have been around people who got too close to them. Either way, their boundaries wouldn't have been respected and this would have stopped them from being able to develop them.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, it will be important for them to reach out for the right support, and this can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group. This can be a time where they will be grieving unmet childhood needs and working through trauma.

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