Brokenness - A Blessing Or A Curse

Have you ever experienced brokenness? Not sure how to define brokenness? Doing whatever you can to avoid being broken? Just to be clear - I'm not referring here to your broken toilet, car or computer - I'm talking about your spirit, your relationships, your career or even your life. If you don't like where you think this article is headed do yourself a favor and go back to your - whatever, but if you have ever experienced brokenness of any kind, my hope is to help you grow from it, learn from it and pass through it with dignity, courage, faith and yes even speed if that is possible.

So, first - what is brokenness?

From my perspective and trust me I have been broken several times during my life (if that admission causes you to stop reading - believe me that doesn't surprise me - I've watched a lot of people walk out of my life because they found out I wasn't perfect) - where was I - OH, brokenness can be defined differently by everyone who has experienced being broken. Some would say it's devastating, others lonely, still others painful and uncertain and many - not what I expected or what I feel I deserved in life.

So, what is it - well from my perspective it's when life doesn't give you what you planned for, hoped for or desired when it comes to your goals, expectations, desires or dreams? It is when some aspect of life falls apart in some way - financially, in your health, your career or an important relationship. It's when you feel you have nowhere to turn for help, guidance, support or even someone who will just listen and care.

Why does life break us or try to break us every now and then?

Life is not the enemy. It isn't out to get us, destroy us or makes fail or experience pain. But life is. In other words, life contains a wide variety of potential positives and negatives and it does not discriminate or pick on any particular individual or group.

Oh, please don't start going into all of the stuff that humanity has done wrong over the centuries - I get it - but that's not the intent of this article - I don't care if you are female or male, old or young white or black, Christian or Jew, rich or poor, ugly or good looking or any other group that has been persecuted in the past.

The first thing we all must do is decide how we choose to define these two concepts. How do you define negative? How do you define positive? Once you have this out of the way you will have your first clue as to what brokenness is and, in your life, now or has been in the past.

Life is not picking on anyone but there are consequences to all actions, choices, decisions, attitudes and behaviors and these are nothing more than the natural ebb and flow of life as it unfolds. Do or say something stupid and sooner or later you may have to pay a price.

What can be the causes or contributors of brokenness?

As I said above there can be literally thousands of contributors to brokenness, but I have learned there are a few common denominators. Here are just a few. Arrogance, out of control egos, stubbornness, uncontrolled anger, hate or any other destructive and ill-placed emotions. Impatience and the need for control can also contribute to certain areas of brokenness. And let's not forget narcissism, selfishness, and just plain stupidity.

How do these contribute to a broken life is some way? Here's just one example.

A personality-driven by self-orientation, ego, and narcissism over time can drive people away from you in life. If this behavior continues - one day you may wake up and realize that you are alone without friends who care, family who wants to be around you and even strangers who turn their back on you. And the consequences - well it depends on how you react to traveling through life completely alone - for many this can be a devastating life position. There are literally thousands if not millions of ways that each of us responds to life stuff and decide whether we are going to let it break us or build us up.

What can we do while in the middle of brokenness?

This too is a choice - we can grow or withdraw, we can learn, or we can blame, we can get wiser or we can retreat, we can reach out to others or we can isolate ourselves even more. The response often will come back to your definition of positive and negative. I can hear some of you now - how can something obviously negative be positive? OK, can being broke (obviously negative) be positive? Can divorce (obviously negative) be positive? Can a heart attack (again obviously negative be positive)? Well, friends, I've been through all three and my answer is - yes, they can be positive if I chose to define them that way. I can hear even more of you "are you crazy?" Well, if seeing these as opportunities to get smarter, wiser, better, etc. then yes, I am crazy.

What can we learn from times of brokenness?

Let me close with a couple of simple ideas if you are in brokenness now or want to handle it if and when it comes into your life in the future.

- How you choose to define broken says a great deal about how you will experience what has come into your life.

- How you let broken define you will determine how long you stay broken and how well and fast you recover.

- Going through anything in life alone is stupid. Find someone who cares and reach out to them and share, learn from them and don't hide your pain.

- Keep the negative idiots out of your circle and out of your life if necessary. The last thing you need is more people pointing fingers at you, blaming you or not helping you learn something from your circumstances.

- Learn to be there for others when they are in need.

- You have been broken for a reason - discover it so you can learn from it.

- Read, Read, Read - as much as you can to learn as much as you can.

- Accept surrender as a positive approach rather than negative.

- All brokenness happens for a reason whether it's timing, details or circumstances.

- And finally - broken does not equal; stupid, failure, or denial but it can be related to these and other attitudes, choices, and decisions.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Brokenness---A-Blessing-Or-A-Curse&id=10157064

Expectations and Disappointments (By Linda Hancock)

A few years ago I met Kate Hammett Vaughan, a wonderful soloist who was nominated for a Juno Award. We arranged for me to travel to her home in Vancouver for some private voice lessons. During our first session, we didn't sing a note. We just sat and talked!

I had a little notebook and was diligently writing down everything she said. I will never forget one of the "lessons" that I learned that day. She said, "We are never disappointed unless we have expectations".

As a psychologist, I am often working with individuals who are disappointed in their careers, relationships or other matters. When we dig down to find the root cause, it is often the fact that they had expectations that were never met.

Some of the reasons that led to falling short is that they:

1. Never communicated clearly and openly about what they wanted.
2. Assumed that the other person or employer would automatically think like they do.
3. Didn't put in effort to accomplish their dreams.
4. Focused on people or jobs that weren't able or willing to strive for the same goals.
5. The expectations were unreasonable.
6. Thought everyone should do it for them.
7. Allowed distractions to derail them and became disappointed in themselves.
8. Weren't consistent in their efforts.
9. Didn't research or seek advice from mentors would could help.
10. Faced uncontrollable circumstances such as illness, weather disturbances or world issues.

Think about the things that have disappointed you over the years. Which of the above factors played a role in the outcome? Were there other things that prevented you from having your expectations met?

We definitely can't control everything that happens and frequently we don't have a choice in the events that occur. Many people do not handle change well. But being a passive observer will likely never take you to the place that you really want to be.

The good news is that the past is over, and you can begin on a new path today that will lead to a better future.

Make a list of the things that you want to accomplish and the steps you will take to reach a good outcome.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Expectations-and-Disappointments&id=10202494

Establishing Routine (By Linda Hancock)

I remember when I had my first child. We lived in a basement suite in Tisdale, Saskatchewan. Our landlady told me that the secret to having healthy and happy babies is to keep their stomachs full and their bottoms dry. That sounds simple but there was a lot of wisdom in that advice.

Babies don't care if they are dressed in designer fashions. They can sleep through a great deal of noise and usually handle being passed around from one admiring person to the other.

The problem is when they start growing. If they don't have a routine or reasonable expectations, they can grow up to be sick and irresponsible adults.

Many times, my clients tell me about their lives, and I am sad for them. Watching movies until the crack of dawn messes up their whole day. When they sleep until noon, they miss sunlight and breakfast. It often takes them until almost suppertime to get into a mood for leaving the house. When they don't have any planned activities, they might spend hours listening to television or just thinking about negative things.

When I grew up we had news reports that lasted about twenty minutes. The newspaper reported events in other countries long after they had occurred. Now we have twenty-four-hour channels that spout opinions rather than news. We watch natural disasters or holds ups as they are happening. Even though these events occur in different countries, they enter our minds and can cause us to feel depressed, discouraged and hopeless. Turn the television off!

It can be difficult to fall asleep but if you are tired and not napping, sleep comes easier. It might take a few days to get into a habit but the best thing you can do is set an alarm for early morning. Get out of bed, eat breakfast and don't take naps. Once you have done this for a few days you will find that you have established a healthier pattern for your life.

Get out of the house! Winter can be difficult for some but going for a walk or doing volunteer work will feed your soul and help her to feel better.

Think about what has been good for you in the past and start doing that again. Were you a person who enjoyed doing crafts, baking or sewing? What were the thinks that you enjoyed as a teenager? Did you like to swim, play a sport or collect stamps? What are the goals that you have had but haven't started yet? Would you like to work on your family tree or learn a language?

Well, as they say, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life". Instead of just sleep at odd hours, eating poorly and thinking negatively, make a plan that will help you to establish a routine and find a purpose.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Establishing-Routine&id=10263800

Personal Expectations - The Juggling Act Between High Performance and Happiness

"You expect too much," my girlfriend tells me for the 2nd time in less than a week. We were not fighting, but she let me know that she felt that she had a hard time hitting my expectations, and that it was stressful. It was not making me happy either. I mentioned to her that she is setting a low ceiling but that it was made of glass. She has the ability to breakthrough it if she wanted to. That might not have been the best thing to say, but it really got me thinking. Not everyone wants the same things I do. To some, a certain level of success is not worth the effort or pain it takes to get there, and that is OK. For me, I would like to bench press 300 pounds like Travis, but in my mind, it would take far too much to get there. So, I don't try. Like me not wanting to reach my potential physically, she does not want to reach her potential professionally. We all have different priorities. By me setting such a high expectation for her professionally, it created stress for her and disappointment for me.

I have similar high expectations for my staff, my friends, and my daughters. People who desire similar results to me appreciate it, and we get along great. I like when I get pushed professionally too! Those high expectations have helped to create the level of success I have now and is what is propelling me to reach new heights and new goals. I like to be around professionally successful people, and I enjoy the road it takes to get there.

I believe that high expectations are positive and are extremely useful on your road to success. With that said, I also understand that setting expectations that are not reached creates stress, anxiety, worry, and disappointment.

It has been said, the secret to happiness is low expectations. I can see the point. If you have low expectations, it is easier to exceed them, and exceeding expectations makes you happy. I remember asking a girl on a date in high school knowing full well I would get shot down. To my surprise she said yes! My expectations were low, and they were exceeded so I was happy. Funny thing is, I was so into this girl that I had high expectations about that date and guess what happened? Yep... I was disappointed.

Using a strategy of lowering expectations can definitely help with happiness. I cannot be too hard on it for this reason. But growth helps with happiness too, and high expectations are essential for growth. In fact, I don't believe someone can be truly happy without growth, so you can see why this is an interesting juggling act.

So, what is the balance?

I believe true happiness and success needs accurate expectations. Expectations cannot be out of reach or you will always be disappointed, but they need to be high enough to push you to get better. It is also not good to set high expectations for people in your life that don't want the same accomplishments you do. They should set their own expectations and communicate those to you; it might be OK to push a little, but there needs to be a lot of support with the push.

I think the key here is to set high but attainable expectations and communicate that well. Both to the people around you and to yourself.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Personal-Expectations---The-Juggling-Act-Between-High-Performance-and-Happiness&id=10224491

Anger Management Made Easy

Have you ever noticed that your anger is usually directed towards your partner, your parents, your children and your best friends more than anyone else in the world? And do you know why this is the case? How come we end up punishing so often the ones we claim we love so much? In what follows I will explain why and I will also give you five basic steps towards breaking the cycle and start channeling love instead of anger and resentment.

If you have a relationship with someone, you inevitably create expectations. They are supposed to look after you, they have to be responsible, they should to care about you, etc. And of course, every time they violate your laws and can't deliver on your expectations, they score a black point in your memory bank. And you of course keep score very diligently. The more black points you accumulate in your bank, the more resentment you live with and this resentment is directed towards the person you are supposed to love (unconditionally?). The level of resentment you are holding onto will determine the amount of drama you create every time your loved one does something you don't like. They spill the milk, you create drama. They don't call, you create more drama. They fail to apologize, yet more drama.

In contrast, if someone you don't know very well and have less expectations about (i.e. someone you haven't kept score on) does all of the things mentioned above, you are more likely to brush it off and forgive. Why? Because you are not holding onto resentment toward that person (yet!).

In effect, you end up punishing the ones you love (thinking it's payback for all the disappointment they've caused you), and loving the ones you don't know yet (until you've gotten to known them better and figured out that they are not perfect either).

Is there a way out? Of course there is! Follow these guidelines and you can experience life differently:

• Adjust your expectations!
• Accept that no one is perfect and everyone is allowed to make mistakes!
• Don't take other people's mistakes personally! People do what they because of themselves, not because of you!
• Feel love and compassion towards the people you claim you love! Don't put pressure on them to do and to be what you expect them to.
• Forgive and forget! Let go and let God!

https://ezinearticles.com/?Anger-Management-Made-Easy&id=9805014

I Suddenly Have a Million Dollars: Should I Laugh or Should I Cry? (By Vyara Bridgeman)

If you had a billion dollars and your net worth was suddenly reduced to a million, you would be pretty pissed off. But if you had a hundred dollars and your net worth suddenly increased to a million, chances are you won't complain. So what exactly is the difference between a million dollars and a million dollars (no typo here!)?

In the last 4-5 months I had to learn how to use my left arm for things I used to do with my right arm. I also learned to ask for help. I still have my right arm. It just became a bit dysfunctional as a result of a shoulder injury that I initially didn't think much of. But as time passed by my arm got more and more stuck, the pain increased, and my frustration increased as well. I reached the point of tears, which was all good. When you hit the bottom, you know it's time to start climbing back up.

And that's when I had my epiphany. What if, I asked myself, I didn't have either arm, and then the technological advancement reached such levels that I could have one arm, fully functional? How would I feel being able to use one arm (after having no arms at all)? Of course I would be ecstatic. There is no doubt about that! Well, in that hypothetical state that I would be ecstatic about, I would in fact be worse off compared to the state I am already in and being miserable about. In reality I have two arms - one of them functions fully, and the other one functions somewhat (but will get better according to all of my therapists).

So then, I continue my reasoning, there is nothing about the situation I am in that is inherently frustrating. If the situation was frustrating in and of itself, I would be feeling the same level of frustration in the hypothetical situation where I end up with the use of one arm after having no arms at all. But I am not feeling frustrated in that scenario, so my frustration has nothing to do with the situation per se. It comes from my expectations. I expect to be able to use both arms but I can only use one. It frustrates me. If I didn't have arms and then got one, I am totally fine with using one arm.

My conclusions are inescapable: Firstly, my expectations shape my perceptions. And secondly, to change my perception and I need to change my perspective.

How accurate are your perceptions? And how much of them are shaped by your expectations and have little to do with reality? The bad news is, perceptions are never accurate, that's why we call them perceptions (otherwise we would be calling them facts). The good news is, you can change your perceptions by examining your expectations and changing your perspective. Expect the unexpected! Release all attachments to "successful" outcomes. You are here, that's already a success. Everything else is a bonus. Including the one million dollars.

http://ezinearticles.com/?I-Suddenly-Have-a-Million-Dollars:-Should-I-Laugh-or-Should-I-Cry?&id=9733539

Why You Must Get Rid Of False Expectations

A fulfilled life is a result of successive complete and fulfilled days. If you are going to have a fruitful day, it is important that you have the day properly outlined and planned out. Of the many things you need in the right place are expectations: expectations for a positive fruition for plans and objectives. These are expectations we impose on ourselves and are sometimes imposed on us by other people.

Expectations have had a great bearing on how much I have accomplished, they have been the core of my belief and trust that things will happen as desired. Because I have been able to live each day successfully and have accomplished each day according to expectation, life has been a bundle of joy.

However, it has been of utmost importance to define and distinguish between realistic and unrealistic expectations. These can also be termed as true and false expectations. It is worth mentioning that, although truthful expectations help yield positive results, false expectations are a constraint to fulfillment of any endeavor.

While brooding over positive expectations is fundamental, it is of equal importance that false expectations are gotten rid of if achievement is going to be attained. My experience and research has identified an inexhaustible number of false expectations, this helped me get rid of all such hopes. Here now are some common false expectations and why it was important that I get rid of them.

The expectation that everyone should like me.

The expectation that the world must be fair.

The expectation that all my days are supposed to be sunny, that is, a storm will never come.

The expectation of never being anxious or depressed.

The expectation of always being in the driving seat- always in control and always knowing what is going to happen next.

The expectation that people will be perfect.

False expectations made me take up a level of control that I really did not have in given circumstances. This led to considerable failures and disappointments along the way. This denied me the chance to learn from others because, in my mind, I was on top of things and yet was not. I did not let those who knew better control things. Nonetheless, those days are gone and I know better now. I now know only to control the things I can and to let other players act their roles.

Disappointments literally make the heart sick. False expectations when fully mature breed disappointments which in turn sicken the heart. Such emotions are never good for anything, worse still for success and fruition of goals. There is a predisposition in man to repeatedly feel disappointed when their hopes are not met.

False hopes are heavy loads to shoulder. It does not really matter if they are really personal or about others, they are simply heavy to carry. You may want to tone down those expectations because they place unrealistic demands on ourselves, colleagues, etc. A tendency to act as if others "should" just live and give in to our expectations is a common feature of false hopes. They "Should" just know what my desires are is bad for business.

Further, false expectations cause the hopeful individual to have some preconceived blueprint of how things should be without really considering others. People develop an "if- then" syndrome which dictates how things should be done. This is actually a very common erroneous assumption.

To hold on to false expectations is to obstruct the knack to pursue what matters most in life. For example, those who expect NEVER to make a mistake won't actually take any form of a risk in life. And since they will not take risks, it is impossible to step out and pursue the things they care for.

Unfortunately, some expectations are not feasible. They are simply not practical. Often, they might appear like reasonable and viable expectations but are in fact not. From a distance, they may even give the impression of being fair, realistic and reasonable but in reality, such prospects cannot truly be met. Worse still, such expectations only create additional problems, far worse than they solve. For instance, the expectation that young children should always be tip-top in terms of their behavior is far-fetched. A colleague of mine shared his experience, "I had set all the appropriate limits and rules, and for some time they were all fairly-behaved children. But in my efforts and quest to further enforce this expectation, I experienced disappointments, and only roused conflict with the kids besides other problems.

False expectations are always grounds for loss because they set you and other people up for disappointment. Reality is that, there is no life without expectations, however, I choose to hold on to realistic and measurable expectations.

What is true is that I cannot please everyone nor can I make everyone like me. It can't just happen, I will be naïve in trying to make it happen.

To even start wishing I could control all the aspects of my world in order to ensure things function consistently in the most harmonious way is like fighting the wind. The world cannot be all fair and I can only control so much. The rest is about accepting and moving on.

Well, false expectations almost made a stiff naked person out of me, I was becoming rigid to the opinions and inputs of others. I could leave no room for change for situations or let other have a go at matters.

All in all, to get rid of false expectations, it is imperative to arrest all unrealistic hopes, thoughtfully and with seriousness. It will be key to reflect on the potential effect of the expectation and practice consideration for others as they are built. Being flexible and allowing for external impact is the way to go for getting rid of false expectations.

False expectations are a menace and are unhealthy, they should be gotten rid of no matter how hard it may be. It is possible to create a whole set of beliefs, motivations, etc. that will assist you and others.

Until next time,

Your friend,

Felipe

Learn why getting rid of false expectations is fundamental if achievement is going to be attained.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-You-Must-Get-Rid-Of-False-Expectations&id=9567364

Does Your Past Hold You Back? What Keeps You Trapped?

Your expectations may be flawed

When you have experienced a serious setback or life-changing event, it is natural to feel vulnerable, fearful, angry and hurt. You may be thinking, Why has this happened to me? Why did he do this to me? I did not deserve this. It should not have happened. A loving God would not have allowed it.

Hidden within such questions are expectations that are not necessarily realistic. For example, that life and people are always fair, that anybody is exempt from hardship and strife, that there is always an obvious reason for why things happen. And as for God... who knows what he/she would or wouldn't do?

Poisoned by blame

Seeking someone or something to blame is a common response to difficult events. But blame keeps you focused on the past. It keeps you in a state of helpless anger. It may also serve as justification for not getting on with life. Even if your hardships were due to other people's faults, meanness or carelessness, don't let it trap you into hate and thoughts of revenge. Hard as it may be, the past has to be accepted as a fact. This does not excuse or minimise what happened but only by taking responsibility for yourself from now on, do you have a chance of becoming free.

Stuck in analysis paralysis

The question 'why' is so seductive that we often get stuck searching for an explanation. But sometimes it is simply not possible to find one. Many events are so random that it defies explanation. You may have been born into difficult circumstances. Perhaps you were at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people? If you can't find a satisfactory explanation for past events, accept the uncertainty, let the past be the past and turn to the future.

Tripped up by hindsight

I should have known better... I should have seen it coming... Speculating about what you should or could have done in the past is a form of self-sabotage. Clairvoyants may have the ability to look into the future and foresee other people's actions. But usually people do the best they can with what they've got at the time. Speculative hindsight only keeps you focused on the problem rather than looking for solutions to your predicament.

Stinkin' thinkin'

Anticipating a terrible future, catastrophising, black-and-white thinking, 'shoulda, woulda, coulda', are very convincing thoughts and seem so true. However, most of the time they are unrealistic, over-dramatic, fear-based or simply wrong. They also close you off from seeing new options and stepping forward. Replace stinkin' thinkin' with thoughts that are realistic, life-affirming and helping you find a way forward.

Resisting or denying your pain

When pain gets too overwhelming, it's common to seek relief and avoid feeling it: Ignoring or numbing it with alcohol, drugs (legal and illegal), sex, workaholism, excessive use of technology etc. However, until you honestly look at your pain, it will hold you in its grip. The only way to resolve painful feelings is to feel and acknowledge them, understand their context and accept them as a wound from the past that no longer needs to hold you back. Then you can take positive steps to heal.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Does-Your-Past-Hold-You-Back?-What-Keeps-You-Trapped?&id=9718974

THE POWER OF BELIEF - All Realities Are Not Invented Equally!

We create our reality about ourselves and about others around us, and those realities will determine our relationships to ourselves as well as others, and who they are around us. Our responses to others, as well as others responses to us are linked to the belief and expectations we have for and about them as well as for ourselves. We create realities, then we forgot we have created them, and then we relate to them as something that someone else put upon us. Others responses to us is a reflection of the expectation we have for and about them. In the wise words of Albert Einstein; "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."

You and I were born into a world of existing ideas, practices, beliefs, traditions and rules. Our ideas have been formed by our experiences with life, family, friends, society and media. I believe the future we have is shaped and limited by the conditions that our past determined upon that future. A changing world and realities require constant updating of personal practices as well as social practices. Those practices and ideas that fit an old rather than a new purpose.

You and I are accountable and responsible for our lives. How will we upgrade past thinking to serve our present and future life? By recognizing and distinguishing the source of our beliefs and expectations. By getting present to how much of what we believe to be reality is what we have made up! Yes, we have made it up... ! Making thing up, making realities (creating expectations) about ourselves and others can be negative and dis-empowering or it can be positive and powerful.

What have we done as a human race that has defied the common perspective? What have we created by empowering our own beliefs and our own realities? Here some examples; 

• Invention of flying Machines 

• Invention of the light bulb 

• Reading & writing as a blind & deaf person 

• Man's first step on the moon

We can go on, and on, and on about so many amazing discoveries and inventions that altered human lives forever... What do all of these events have in common? Someone's beliefs! but what kind of beliefs? Invented ones! Created realities. Wright Brothers, Thomas Edison, Helen Keller, US President John F. Kennedy, and anybody who achieved anything that inspired us, all believed that the impossible was possible.

Our expectations, or what I call "invented realities" have such a power over our performances, personality and professional life. Before we can harness the power of belief/expectations or help anyone else remove and replace limiting and destructive beliefs/expectations, we have to understand why beliefs/expectations have such force. Let us look back at history;

On the light side, the power of belief has: 

• Broken through the sound barrier 

• Pioneered in space 

• Created miracle cures for plagues 

• Upheld the spirit of a nation against a superior enemy

On the dark side, this same power has led to: 

• Wars 

• Genocides 

• The extermination of races 

• Blinded people to solutions to some of the most critical issues facing humankind.

Even more importantly for us, at one time or another, limiting and false beliefs have caused each one of us:

• To miss opportunities 

• To make costly errors in judgments 

• To fall far short on the potential we have to succeed 

• To fail to achieve and accomplish

That is why our ability to invent and create our own beliefs and realities is one of the most powerful skills we can acquire. We need to know where they get their power. I am convinced that past positive and negative experiences, direct plus or minus others' inputs about us, and societies influences are the three primary factors that contribute to the power that beliefs/expectations have over our productivity and our lives as whole. As we create our expectations we have to control what we pay attention to; "our beliefs control our expectations", this force from which belief draws its magic is the power of expectations. An expectation is simply what we expect to happen, see, feel or experience. And as simple as this sounds, expectations have an incredible effect on everything we see, feel, hear and experience. 

Simply put;

• We feel what we expect to feel. 

• We see what we expect to see. 

• We experience what we expect to experience.

Through working with over 50,000 participants, over two decades of coaching and consulting practice, I have seen these common themes in almost everyone, regardless of what they do;

• If we expect to be successful, we experience success. 

• If we expect to see results, we see results. 

• If we expect to feel fear, we feel fear. 

• If we expect a situation to be unpleasant and difficult... It is unpleasant and difficult.

What we believe about ourselves, how we conduct ourselves based on those beliefs, and how we promote our beliefs about ourselves will produce either empowering or destructive results on our experiences of living life. As I always said; "All realities are not invented equally!"

ezinearticles.com/?THE-POWER-OF-BELIEF---All-Realities-Are-Not-Invented-Equally!&id=9541252

To Thine Own Self Be True

This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. - Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 3

Laertes receives a great deal of advice from his father before leaving. This includes material on fiscal responsibility, the wisdom of not speaking without first giving thought to what will be said, the difference between modesty and cowardice, and the importance of friendship. Above all of these things, Polonius places the importance of being true to ones own nature.

There is a great deal which can be learned from this simple statement. Regardless of what others may think, it is necessary for each individual to follow her or his own path. This is true for the simplest of things like dress and hair style and the larger things like setting goals for ones life, education, and career. This can be one of the most difficult things to adhere to.

Every person is an individual, yet everyone has a number of different factors which influence their day to day lives. We live in a world of social pressures. We all deal with expectations placed upon us by friends and family alike. While residing inside the confluence of these varied influences, we must create our own identities. In some ways these will be similar to those around us. In other ways they may be reactions to them. In still other ways the sense of self is unique to each individual in turn.

Often we do not realize the degree to which the creation of ourselves is a reaction to those around us. We mimic, either consciously or unconsciously, those we admire while rejecting those for whom we have no admiration. People often speak of "teen-age rebellion," but this can be viewed as a societal reaction to the previous generation. In order to create their own identities, teens must decide if they will accept or reject the opinions and lifestyles of their parents. In so doing the create a common zeitgeist of clothing, hair, political opinions et. al. by which they are able to easily identify themselves as belonging to their peer group.

On a personal level, each individual must examine the opinions of their own social groups and decide which ones are in line with their own internal belief system. Life is a continual process of trying on new identities, keeping aspects of those which are comfortable, and discarding the rest.

Over time one creates ones own identity, becomes comfortable in their own lifestyle, creates and pursues their own goals. This can be extremely difficult, especially when ones choices do not fit with those of the social groups with which they must interact. These social groups can be as small as their individual family units or close group of friends to the society as a whole.

What is important is that each individual strive for those things with which they feel most comfortable. Naturally, there are some limits which are placed upon everyone. Society places sanctions on some actions for the benefit of the populous. If one achieves pleasure from setting buildings on fire, it will be necessary for the individual in question to find some way to sublimate this drive and find a more constructive outlet.

No one can live for you, neither can you live another's life. The news is filled with stories of parents who push their children to achieve goals which they themselves wish they had been able to attain at a young age. While this can create scholars, expert musicians, and star athletes, it is important for parents to recognize the importance of allowing their children to create their own identities during this crucial developmental period.

Things do not necessarily become easier once an individual has constructed their own sense of self. Everyone encounters those who do not agree with their beliefs. At this point the individual must decide whether to remain true to themselves despite the discomfort or to give in to the tide of social pressure. While it may seem easier to conform, this is a betrayal of the individual's essence. It may provide temporary relief from the unpleasantness of being regarded as "weird" or an outsider. In the long run, however, that individual will have to come to terms with the fact that he or she is not living their own life but someone else's.

In order to be truly happy, one must decide what one wants and make efforts to achieve it, regardless of the opinions of others. This may make things more difficult for a time, but when the individual achieves the goals in question, the rewards will be even greater.

This does not mean to ignore the counsel of others. As noted above, there are some actions which are proscribed in any society. Sometimes these actions are forbidden because of a long standing tradition which has since become outdated. People may then choose to ignore the societal prohibition against these actions in an effort to change the populous as a whole. For example, without those who were willing to throw off societal shackles, the United States would still be a place where only white, land-owning men had the right to vote. Difference can lead to progress.

Similarly, it is possible to learn from each person that you encounter, even if you possess wildly different opinions on a number of subjects. It may be that the person you disagree with politically shares similar religious beliefs. The person who dresses differently may be able to provide you with advice on how to achieve one of your goals. If nothing else, the person may provide reasons which validate your own opinions.

Even in the most rigid of societies, there is room for individuality. In a corporate world of gray suited people, colorful socks can be a minor sign of rebellion and individuality.

Ultimately, each person must decide for her or himself what is right for her or his life. We all must create our own personalities by viewing the world around us and deciding what is important and what is not, what is right and what is not. Once this is done, we must strive to retain our senses of self, regardless of the opinions of others. This is the only way to achieve the goals you set for yourself and to be the person you want to be. All else, as Polonius intimates, is a lie.

http://ezinearticles.com/?To-Thine-Own-Self-Be-True&id=9688374

Lessons on Life, Learning and Earning (By Emmanuel Oluwadunsin Ayeni )

These few days and the rest of the year, I will share real practical posts, videos, podcasts, they will be stories on life, learning and earnings.

My goal is to give so much away that will benefit many people, especially those who may need to just read this now.

On Life...

Life is measured in the currency of Time. Hence we have grown through the past to get into the present with hope of the future in view. You would have mastered LIFE if you succeeded in mastering the 3 Forces. For anyone who has mastered these three, all things are possible.

Now and always you will unlock all doors when you have truly mastered the forces of Faith, Love and Hope... mastering these will be a topic for the coming days.

In life understanding the laws of identity makes you know you are unique and a powerful being.

Nothing can beat the expectations you set for yourself... God has endowed you and only the one in the mirror can stop you.

On Learning...

One day... I looked over to my beautiful wife Jumoke, as I was going back to complete my reading of the last few chapters of an interesting book and I said " I love you... " She looked over and said something to me that got me " I love you too, but sorry I cannot study for you... " I replied, " I know, because the door of change is one only you can open from the inside" She can not study for me, people can't grow FOR you but they can grow WITH you and be part of your journey. Others can help share their light with you, but the change always begins from within.

Learning is the way through which we grow our capacity to open the doors of ignorance, mediocrity or lack. Knowledge they say is power, applied Knowledge empowers absolutely.

On Earning...

Always Learn to earn and earn to Learn.

I got exposure to the phrase " Learn to Earn" some years ago as an undergraduate, I had stumbled on a material by the reputable Stock broker and Fund Manager, Peter Lynch where he delved much more on this.

The best form of knowledge is the one we internalize and we are able to apply with results... At times, our earnings can be one out of many ways to measure some of these results... Ask companies that will stop at nothing to make sure sales targets are met.

I always believe and share that Personal Mastery precedes Money Mastery.

When you have grown your capacity to become one who earns in the millions range, you will do the things required to make this happen and indeed you will have your desired earnings.

Remember there is no limit to all you can achieve in your rise to greatness if the right sets of principles on life, learning, and earning are learnt and applied.

I celebrate your meteoric rise to greatness.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Lessons-on-Life,-Learning-and-Earning&id=9623706

Letting Them Off The Hook

Do your relationships resemble a stormy weather forecast? The chief cause of this is an expectation of behavior that is beyond what another person performs on. The reasons range from the simple things like picking up socks to the most emotional like not spending enough time together, being excluded from important choices or simply feeling left out and unloved. All of these are about behavior that was expected but not lived up to. People are on the hook for failing to deliver.

Who is at fault; the one with high expectations or the one who does not live up to them? This is the great debate that occurs in marriage and group counseling. There is a deficit here and it must be assigned to a column, yours or theirs. The great debate continues as we make our case and demand things change. Many times, they never do, and never will.

In our effort to understand the behavior of a loved one or friend we list all the reasons we are right and they are wrong. The person making the list rarely understands why there is a debate. They are right. When it is presented to the offender as 'evidence' the response is never satisfying. The most typical response is simply, 'I don't know.' 'I don't understand' is more accurate. Both are frustrating. Does this mean they simply don't care enough to change their behavior?

If you carefully consider the facts and determine that there really is a lack of emotional commitment the solution is easy and obvious; walk away. That is not usually the cause, thankfully. The person who responds by saying they don't know may really not know. They don't have a good understanding of the reason either. They also don't understand why things that seem trivial to them are important to you. You can ponder this, quarrel about it and maybe even survive a succession of separations in your quest to make them a better person. If you are seeking applause for your efforts it is likely to be an exercise in futility as is every effort that depends on other people's approval.

You can settle this in a different way by choosing to understand that what you are getting is as much as they are capable of giving. People are not all the same. Life experiences and exposure to events lend a great deal to our perception of life normal, including in relationships. For them what they give is sufficient, for you it will always be deficient. You can end this battle easily by simply accepting that they are incapable of delivering more and let them off the hook for the expected behavior that is not a part of whom they really are.

For real peace of mind make a list of every person who leaves you angry and feeling letdown and let them all off the hook. The only thing that changes is your level of expectations; peace of mind is the payoff!

http://ezinearticles.com/search/?q=Letting+Them+Off+The+Hook

Do Your Outsides Match Your Insides?

Have you ever found yourself saying to yourself, or to someone else, "Act your age"? What does that mean anyway? Does it mean that if we are a certain age, or have a certain status in "society" that it is not okay to be playful or silly? Does it mean that it's not okay to spontaneously dance in our living room? Does it mean that if we look great in jeans, or heels, that it's not okay to wear them because of our age? Does it mean that after a certain age it's not okay to listen and enjoy current music?

No one has determined an age limit to behaviors we enjoyed in our youth, yet many of us have beliefs, whether they are conscious or unconscious, that at a certain age we need to stop doing some things and think in a different way.

I'm not talking about an adult who is immature. I am talking about an adult who is a contemporary thinker, young at heart and spirit, and enjoys life to the fullest despite their age. I'm talking about allowing ourselves the natural inclination to be who we truly are.

Do You Act as Old as You Are, or as Old as You Feel?

Do you feel like the age you truly are? Is how you think, feel, and act in alignment with what others, and your own perceptions, are regarding your age? How do you reconcile the difference? Do you feel compelled to act the way you believe you "should" act given your age? Do you follow the expectations of how you "should" behave based upon whatever your perceived status may be in your community, or society in general? Or are you allowing yourself to be truly who you are despite this notion?

Are You Being True to Yourself?

If you're not being true to yourself, you might be depriving yourself of the little joys in life. You don't have to retire activities that brought you happiness in your youth just because you feel you've capped the age limit.

• Do you feel out of step with your contemporaries because you may tend to suppress your true self?

• Do you "fake your feelings or actions" to avoid behaving in a way which might be perceived as younger than you are, even if you may be completely comfortable with yourself, and your views, taste and interests?

• Do you feel younger at heart, soul, body, mind, and spirit than the people who are in your age bracket and socioeconomic status?

• Is there a sense of alienation because those of a similar age bracket, and societal position, are in a very different place than we are?

Do You Sit with the Crowd? Or Dance to the Beat of Your Own Drum?

I know for some of us feeling self-conscious may keep us from doing certain things because of the fear that doing so would ruin our sense of belonging. We want to fit in and be accepted by our peers. For others there are judgments around what is okay for certain ages, or if one has certain status in the community, and what is not acceptable.

You're Never Too Old to Embrace Your Inner Child

I remember walking through the park one day and having the urge to go on a swing. I didn't stifle this desire because I thought I was "too old" to swing. I don't believe we're ever too old to enjoy swinging. So my friends and I got on those swings and we had a blast. If I had squashed my desire to do this, I would have been depriving myself of something enjoyable.

My wish for you today is that you permit yourself to rediscover the joy in expressing your inside self on the outside and that this experience brings you much happiness.

Download 25 Most Powerful Motivational Quotes

http://ezinearticles.com/?Do-Your-Outsides-Match-Your-Insides?&id=9575515

Disappointment Is Not An Outcome, But A Process

Ever been disappointed? We all are sooner or later and some of us more often than others and more often than necessary. What exactly is disappointment and what are its primary contributors? But also, why do we set ourselves up for it?

Disappointment - the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one's hopes or expectations. Get it - the single biggest cause of disappointment are the expectations we want or need to happen or feelings we have when we have been let down by others or circumstances.

Let me briefly explain the title as I believe that expectations and their outcomes are more of a process than an outcome.

We want something to happen - a returned phone call, email or text response, someone to show up on time for lunch - whatever - and we believe/feel that it should happen due to our own needs, desires or situations and then BAM - nothing. So, we get upset, angry, hurt or yes - disappointed. I call it the disappointment - setup. Can it be avoided? Yes, but there are a few conditions that must be present.

First we have to grasp the simple concept that we are not in control of others or their actions, responses, timing or agendas.

Second we must accept that the world doesn't revolve around us.

And third we must nurture patience - not an easy task for control freaks.

When I say that disappointment is a process it starts with us and how we turn over control of our feelings, behavior, decisions or actions to others or circumstances. It doesn't just happen - it builds slowly as time passes and you wait for responses, actions, decisions or outcomes you want from others or life in general.

I don't care if it's an airline flight that is late or cancelled, the weather that messes with your weekend plans or simply routine traffic while on the way to an important meeting - it's all the same - stuff happens and if this concept is not ingrained in your consciousness I will guarantee you spend a great deal of time in a mindset of disappointment.

The other factor is the stress that is caused by these situations and if you are not aware of the negative impact of this let me tell you that everything in life is a stressor - a wedding or a divorce, winning the lotto or filing bankruptcy, getting fired or starting a new position - everything in life is a stressor but the body doesn't separate negative from positive stressors - they are all the same. Stress isn't what is happening but how you choose to respond internally to what is happening.

Yes, disappointment is a major contributor to stress and again its primary causes are the expectations you bring to any and every situation or person.

What can you do to eliminate or reduce your disappointments? Simple folks - let go emotionally of the things you can't control. Accept that life happens and not always according to your agendas or needs.

I'll share one of my life mantras with you - "I will be excited if it happens but I won't be disappointed if it doesn't."

http://ezinearticles.com/?Disappointment-Is-Not-An-Outcome,-But-A-Process&id=9363213

The Givers and Takers of the World (By Maram J)

What makes a person a giver or a taker? Is there a thick bold line between the two, or is it more muddled? Are women more biologically prone to giving -whether it is time, money or apologies?

The idea of 'give versus take' takes shape in all interactions and relationships of our personal and professional lives. We are either giving advice, making time for people, or being philanthropic in any way possible without any strings attached, or we are on the receiving end. We alternate between the two based on different situations we encounter on a daily basis, if not an hourly one. In other words, we are almost never always just givers or takers.

According to Adam Grant, a professor at the University of Pennsylvania and author of the groundbreaking book "Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success", most people fall under the category of matchers.

A matcher is someone who strives to tip the scales so that they are even, fair and just. They make careful observations on takers and make it a point for them to pay something back in order to tip the scales again. They basically hold tabs on who has done what for who, and hate to see people who act so generously towards others not receive any rewards. In fact, most matchers will go out of their way and do karma's job by promoting and supporting givers so that they can get the good they deserve.

Givers, on the other hand, have close to zero expectations from other people and are not bothered when their request for favors go unanswered by those who they went out of the way for. In his book, Grant explains that givers fall under the two opposite ends of the spectrum: they are either very successful people or can be found at the bottom of the ladder. Either way, givers often put themselves at risk for burning out or being taken advantage of and ultimately give a few sacrifices, tangible or not.

Is there a gender factor that plays a part in this?

A study led by Hannah Riley Bowles, a professor at Harvard University, focused on the role of our sex chromosomes on the idea of giving and taking. She asked 200 senior executives to sit down in pairs where one person would act as the boss and the other as an employee to negotiate salary promotions. Male 'employees' asked for an average salary of $146k while the females asked for 3% less -only $141k. But why did they not bargain as hard as the men? Simply because they were more inclined to be givers.

Another group of women, who acted as the 'employee's mentors', asked for an average salary of $167k. Why the big difference? Bowles concluded that these women's tactical use of aggression on the negotiating table was consistent with their self image as givers; they were each fulfilling their responsibilities to be mentors for other people.

So, would it be fair to say that all men are takers and all women are givers? Of course not. But are women more inclined to do so, perhaps due to theories of evolution and social conformations?

If we are to observe the history of the female role in society, we will see a commonality across all cultures and traditions. Before colonization, and in the Choctaw Native society, women were deemed with high respect due to their vital roles as caregivers for their families, communities and tribes. In fact, they were dignified to the extent where family lines followed that of the mother, and during tribal functions, the children would sit at the fire of their mother's family while the father sat at a separate one.

But history didn't stop there. Up until our modern day, most women are most likely to stay at home and care for their children while men go to work and earn the bread. Within a household, the mother is most likely to be the emotional giver, the one who her children confide in, the one who provides comfort, whether it is by preparing her husband's favorite meal or taking care of a sick child.

Does this mean that history has dictated that all women enjoy taking up the role of the giver? Or is it that men never had the chance to take it up? Or perhaps a little bit of both?

As a woman, I cannot deny that I do enjoy the act of giving up my time, my knowledge, and my care and attention to the people in my life, and more often than not, complete strangers. I don't expect anything in return, but I do tend to draw the line and pull myself away when I feel like I'm being taken for granted. I also tend to get upset when I see a loved one's continuous actions of kindness go unnoticed. So, it is safe to say that I am 50% giver, 35% matcher and 15% taker.

I do know someone, however, who is 99% giver. I don't know how they manage to stay sane, but they are constantly devoting their time, sharing valuable insights and going out of their way for everyone who crosses their path. They give, give and give and expect nothing in return, and although they have changed the lives of many people, they rarely see any of it returned. But the universe is slowly repaying them; they are now extremely successful, well known for what they do and admired for it, too.

So, maybe, no good deed ever goes undone?

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Givers-and-Takers-of-the-World&id=9332919

Releasing Expectations

We all hold others in high regard. When we give all of our love and devotion, we expect others to live up to the same expectations. When we call others to catch up or to show our concern, we expect the same when we are going through things as well.

When we reach out, you shouldn't have any expectations of anything in return. When we love, we give of that love freely with no expectations of receiving love in return.

Everyone views every situation differently. Every situation is unique just as we are. We all evolve differently according to our own divine timing. The closer a person is to you your expectations of them become higher. The truth is, you can't expect anything from anyone. It is up to each individual to feel and be able to express how they feel.

Divine timing, is when something happens when it should without being rushed. It is when someone realizes what they lost, or almost lost or even better... realizes what they have.

When you go through things in your life, there are circumstances which make you feel so loved, there are times when you feel unloved, and there are times of joy and pain. Each event raises your awareness of who you are and what you have and what you want and don't want. Each life event makes us grow. It is up to us on how we grow.

How do you release expectations? If you think about it, you only have control over one thing, yourself. You cannot control the way someone else thinks or feels! You internalize things that might not even faze the other person. It is no one's fault. You can expect certain things of yourself but not of others. This is not a bad thing, it is a time when you evolve and they just haven't yet. So, if your phone calls do not get returned, instead of breaking the ties, give it a little bit and try again. You never know, their divine timing might make them realize how much you were missed.

As with everything in life, there is no handbook. There is plenty of good times and pain in each moment. You make the best of all of it as best you can. You continue to reach out because that is who YOU are. Keep giving love and expect nothing in return. Your moments can change someone else's; sometimes we're just not aware of it.

Fear might also play a part in your own expectations or someone else's. Sometimes we stand in our own way of reaching our own goals and expectations.

When we release all expectations of others' we see them for who they truly are. For an example, when you meet a stranger you smile and maybe have a small conversation and you walk away smiling. When you see an old friend you might carry the hurt from unfulfilled expectations that you put on them. Accept them for who they are. Don't judge someone by the way they respond or don't respond, we all think differently and each of us carries the weight of our own joys and burdens.

Release the thought that someone can live up to your expectations when their own expectations of themselves might be totally different than yours. Don't give up hope, just keep being YOU.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Releasing-Expectations&id=9338649

The Surfing Lesson

The water glistens. I can barely look at its beauty through squinting eyelashes as the blue mist touches my lips and the gulls screech their songs above. I feel the wind brush my face and sweep her maternal fingers through my hair as I paddle out on the board, full of butterflies...

The salty Pacific splashes through chilled toes, and I visualize myself riding her waves back to shore.

I get ready. I know I can do this. I am what I think. Paddle paddle. Strong arms. Lift off! What a rush! as I stand shakily and ride the wave to shore.

As the hours pass, I try to catch more waves. I fall. I get up. I fall. I get up. I get frustrated. My shoulder hurts. This board feels like a lumbering bear, maneuvering it in the water. Try, try and try again. Sometimes it's success; sometimes it's a bailout.

The surf class has ended. I'm exhausted and a little disappointed. This Cali gal thought surfing was going to be the end-all, the epitome of fun, flow and adventure. Even standing on the board, riding the waves didn't add up to sky-scraper-high expectations.

As I paddle back to shore, something from deep inside tells me to lay my head on the board. Let your arms float out to your sides, I hear. As my body sighs with relief, I surrender. I feel the waves move beneath me and feel how I am connected to the pull of the tides, the moon, the heartbeat of the Earth.

Here exhilaration, at last! I am One with the waves, the sea, the blue green planet, swirling in me, under me and through me.

As I float up and down in sacred silence, I feel complete. I trust the All of it.

So this is why I came to the surfing class. This is why I'm here. I breathe gratitude from my lips as my cheek rests on the bobbing board.

Sometimes our reasoned and well-meaning plans don't show up like what we expected or projected or thought they would look like. Sometimes our expectations get in the way of hidden treasures.

Thank you surfing lesson for reminding me to Trust. Everything always works out. Everything is perfect, even in its seeming momentary imperfection.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Surfing-Lesson&id=9337290

How to Overcome Trust Issues in a Relationship

A lack of trust in a relationship is a destructive force. Without trust, it's hard to feel secure and you may be wondering all the time whether the other person is being faithful, truthful or genuine. Whether it's a romantic, business or social relationship, trust matters a great deal. If you have trust issues, it's important to learn fruitful ways to overcome them before the relationship is harmed.

1. 1
   Consider what makes you fail to trust other people. Trust is harder for some people than others, often due to past experiences, recent let-downs or maybe even the way you were raised as a child. If you have had people let you down, fail to support you or fail to come through when you asked for their help, you may find it hard to trust. On the other hand, if you've had supportive people who have guided you through hard situations and have helped you to learn to cope with disappointment, you're more likely to have learned to trust people. If you do find it hard to trust, some of these issues may be stumbling blocks for you:

   • You feel that people aren't reliable; you generalize this to include every person you encounter, regardless of their reassurances.
   • You feel a need to shield yourself against being hurt by putting up defensive barriers before you even give other people a chance.
   • You don't like asking for help and feel it's just easier to do things yourself to make sure they're done properly, or at all.
   • You are a poor judge of character and seem to end up with more-than-usual untrustworthy types in your life.
   • You are sometimes a pushover and seem to attract people who take advantage of your generosity or willingness to be helpful.
   
   

   
   
2. 2
   Think about what you expect from others. Perhaps you have very high expectations, maybe too high. Some of the following things can cause trust issues in relationships:

   • Do you expect people to just "know" what you want or to "mind read"? This can often be a cause of lacking trust in others because they don't do things you've imagined should be done but failed to articulate.
   • You expect people to give as much as you've given. The thing about giving is that giving in relationships shouldn't be about weighing up who has done what. If you didn't give freely but expected something in return, then you will feel a lack of trust if the other person doesn't reciprocate.
   • You have low expectations of other people all of the time. In this case, it's hard for you to trust anyone.
   • When it comes to romance or intimacy, you have tough expectations that your partner will stick close by you. This can lead to smothering and even stalker-like behavior if taken to too great an extreme.

   1. 1
      Decide whether you're prepared to trust or distrust life. Think about the wider consequences of not trusting everyone throughout your life. It takes great effort, it alienates you and it leaves you constantly suspicious and disappointed. Is that an enjoyable way to live life? Hardly. Think about the bigger picture and how trusting will more likely result in positive outcomes that will far outweigh those negative times.
   2. 
      
      2
      Be discerning rather than suspicious. Trust is not about gullibility; gut feelings and critical analysis are still important parts of your outlook on life. There will be times when you think something is fishy and on such occasions, it's worth changing your approach and finding out more details before placing your faith in a person or a deal. But it also pays to be discerning, to realize that most people mean the best and expect to do things on an even level with you.
   3. 
      
      

      
      

      
      
      3
      Give people their space. Whether it's for an intimate relationship or a business or social acquaintance, nobody likes to be smothered by someone who wants to know their every move. A cornered animal will always fight like crazy to defend itself and you can expect very similar behavior from a person who feels followed, pursued, and treated suspiciously. By backing off and letting people feel they have space around you, you create a space for honesty and greater sharing.

      • If you sneak through people's belongings, writings (journal) or follow them about, stop now. It's highly likely they either know you're doing it or will find out soon enough and it's creepy, it's controlling and it's likely to destroy their trust in you. Two sources of broken trust do not make for a mended whole.
   4. 
      
      4
      Deal with past pain. Failed love, failed business deals, failed friendships––they all take their toll in the memory bank. But they are a part of your life, not all of it. Bad things do happen, yet how we react is what matters. Try to stop dwelling on what went wrong and start looking instead at what you learned from the experience.

      • Be aware that the more you focus on what was negative in the past, the greater it becomes with each retelling. What purpose is this really serving you? Often is becomes your own personal safety story rather than a reflection of reality. Over time, its retelling wears thin on those people who could otherwise be in a position to help you and guide you to better, happier choices. Try to let go of such stories that you tell yourself.
   5. 
      
      5
      Make a decision to find more constructive ways to cope with breaches of trust. There is no guarantee in life that your trust won't be broken. But you can make a decision to deal with such breaches in ways that don't add to a negative view of life. For instance:

      • Realize that some people are simply bad eggs. Not every person is though, so keep seeking the good.
      • Take the lesson out of the situation you've gone through. What can you do better next time? What did you do to contribute to the breach of trust? For example, you may have failed to notice tell-tale signs or not done checks that would have revealed issues earlier.
      • Forgive the person who breached your trust. If you don't, you carry that person with you for all times, into the future. That gives away too much of your own power.
   6. 
      
      6
      Stop expecting others to know what you want. Unless you're prepared to articulate your wants clearly, you cannot expect people to mind read. Learn to speak clearly, be assertive about your needs and stand up for what matters to you. It is unfair to blame others for letting you down if you've failed to make it clear in what ways you expected more from them.

      • Set ground rules in business and intimate relationships that work not just for you, but for both parties. With both of you knowing the expectations, then you have clear boundaries and understandings.

   http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Trust-Issues-in-a-Relationship