Fitting In

Near the beginning of the popular movie "Sound of Music" there is a song that begins "How do you solve a problem like Maria?".

The tune is about a novice nun who has great difficulty following the rules of the convent. Even though she is eager to please God and take her final vows, she often becomes lost in nature and late for her commitments. The nuns obviously love her but are frustrated by the fact that she is always in trouble and doesn't fit in to their way of life.

Then Maria is sent to work for Captain Von Trapp who is a single parent of seven children and a strict disciplinarian. Maria charms not only the children but also their father with her unconventional ways. In the end she realizes that marrying the Captain and mothering the children is a better fit for her than becoming a nun and living in a convent.

It can be very difficult for individuals who do not seem to "fit in". They are frequently bullied and lonely. Many times they suffer from depression or anxiety. They may have kind hearts and eagerness to build good relationships but just can't seem to find the place where they are comfortable and feel connected. It seems that the harder they try, the worse it gets.

Unfortunately, we live in a world that can be very judgmental. When I hear stories of bullying it makes me wonder about the perspective of the individual who is actually doing the bullying. Where they abused and bullied themselves? Have they experienced trauma that causes them to lash out at others? Do they think that it is best to attack others before being attacked? Are they lacking in skills and think that this is only way that they can face the world?

The person who is targeted can respond in a number of ways. Many find that they move from one situation to another, always receiving the same negative treatment. They want to fit in but it is almost as though they are reenacting that old cartoon where the person wears a sign on their back that says "Kick me". They get to the point where they not only rehearse trauma over and over again in their minds but they also come to expect it.

The opposite reaction is to ignore the bullying and not let it take hold. Usually this takes power away from the person who is doing the bullying and wanting a reaction. It definitely isn't an easy thing to do, especially for teenagers who desperately want to have friends and fit in.

One of the best things that the victim can do is to find a place where they do fit in. Maria never expected that her future would be with a family that she had never met. They needed her and appreciated the exact impulsivity that had caused problems for her at the abbey. The fellow nuns who had been so frustrated by the fact that she didn't follow rules actually were thrilled that she found a place where she was a better fit and needed.

Instead of trying harder to fit into the place where you think you "should" be, try finding a career, support group or other environment where you can be loved for who you really are. This may take awhile and be somewhere that you least expect.

Bullying is a very traumatic and damaging occurrence. But it takes three factors in order to continue: the bully, the target and the environment that allows it.

We are all part of society and because of this we each have an important role in the quest to end inappropriate treatment and foster a world that is healthy for everyone.

What are you doing to prevent others from being bullied and treated poorly? Are you part of the problem or part of the solution?

https://ezinearticles.com/?Fitting-In&id=10139625

Message From the Universe: Where Being Successful Is Just Another Way of Life

"Why is it that so often those who are extremely successful in virtually everything they do are so unable to see that this is the case?

Yeah, you might not be the right person to ask.

I love dragonflies,

The Universe"

Go to any entrepreneur and ask them how they reached ultimate success and they will answer with: "I worked very hard, never stopped, had a clear vision to what I wanted in life and went for it no matter what". However, if they had to explain their journey to success in a detailed manner and how they perceive their new life, they would answer you with a shrug, like it is inevitable that I would succeed. Because of the amount of hard work they put in day after day and how persistent they are to achieve greatness, they forget their difficult journey and feel like all the sacrifice they made is forgotten, as it is something in the past and to never be remembered. Suddenly, the struggles and hurdles they face no longer seem to be a part of who they are, like it is something that was inevitable to achieve success. Now, as the good times are settling in, they are finally able to enjoy their hard work and appreciate them even more. It is only through major challenges and hurdles in life that you appreciate the good times and never feel entitled to anything.

For some, wealth do not change who they are or were when they were starting through their journey of challenges and difficulties. They are still humble and do not let wealth of abundance change them in any way. They are still the same person they were in the beginning, living a normal life, without purchasing things they don't need. Just like Warren Buffet who lived in the same home in Omaha for decades and driving a regular car, or Zuckerburg still renting his home and driving his VW to work, fortune and glory is just a step towards them feeling a sense of accomplishment in their lives without the need to flaunt it as there is no reason to do so. As the world already know their worth, the desire to show what you can get but DON'T get it shows a sense of the quality of the person. It is OK to live and take advantage of what life has to give, but needing to have a 10 car garage is not essential to your happiness. Your success is because you made it happen, and working towards accomplishing greatness was based on your desire to be different, unique and thinking outside the box. This is something to be proud of.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Where-Being-Successful-Is-Just-Another-Way-of-Life&id=9813531

The Lifestyle

If I want to describe what the lifestyle is, I do not have a dictionary, but I have a thesaurus in my word processor, so that will have to suffice. Also, this is how I perceive a lifestyle according to my own lifestyle, and I will try to be as objective about it as possible. I think that a lifestyle is what you are, what makes you into the person you are. The words available in my thesaurus is; existence, routine, life, regime, way of life, standard of living, daily life and means.

If I had to choose one of those words, I would choose way of life and standard of living. Because your way of life describes your lifestyle perfectly. So, it describes the way you live, or how you live you live your life. Your standard of living affects how you perceive the people around you. And because of your standard of living, you will judge people accordingly. It also affects your perception of life in general and your way of thinking. Your standard of living also affects your perception of right and wrong.

So, what you consider as right could be considered wrong by other people. So, if you have a lifestyle where you have a job working in the corporate system, and you go to work from seven to five every day to support your family, then for you, this is the right thing to do. For you, it is right to own a luxury house and a fancy car, to have four children at school and a wife also working to support your finances, then for you, which is the right thing to do. If other people don't live according to your perceptions of what is right and wrong, then for you, it is wrong. Even though other people feel differently, and they live differently to your standard of living, and their lifestyle agrees with them that it is right for them to live like that, they think that your way of living is wrong. But neither is right nor wrong, it's all about each person's perception.

So, each person has its own lifestyle, or standard of living, and you live according to how you perceive your life. There are also so many influences on your lifestyle, besides how you already perceive how life should be lived. The main influencers in your life are your parents. At a young age, they taught you their way of life, which has been carried along by you, so you tend to live according to what your parents taught you. Other influencers in your life are religion. You live according to your religion, be it Christianity, Muslimism, Hinduism, and whatever other religion you find in this world. Religion is a lifestyle because you will live according to their standards of living, according to their laws and regulations and according to their perceptions of right and wrong. I hope this is making sense for you; I'm just trying to be objective and explain it as best as I can. My next task will be to try to explain the alternative.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Lifestyle&id=8842487

Are You Waiting Or Living?

You can't imagine how much time (life) the average person wastes - waiting for - something - anything. The right career, relationship, job, vacation or for life to give them what they want or they think they deserve. I know I have been guilty and I preach this stuff. So, why do we waste life - waiting?

Since I know you have something else to do, someplace to go or something you are waiting for I will be as brief as possible.

Waiting - the action of staying where one is or delaying action until a particular time or until something else happens. Guilty?

Living - way of life, lifestyle, way of living, life, conduct, behavior, activities. Helpful?

OK, so let me see if I can distinguish between the two and the advantages and/or disadvantages.

Life is short and speeds by in a flash. One day you are graduating from high school and in the blink of an eye you are in your 40's or 50's or older. We are all going to die and none of us knows when so why do we waste valuable time waiting for something better, newer or sooner?

Living is an adventure and each day can be lived with passion, purpose and a sense of joy or we can live each day wondering, fretting, worrying or regretting. Think about it - I'll bet for you the time has flown by leaving you asking yourself why - why you waited, why you wait or what you have missed as you waited or even - where has all the time gone? Living is not about yesterday or tomorrow it is about making the best of every year, every day or even every minute you are given, not squandering time.

Yes, I know that some things take time, but in the process do you stay in a limbo state waiting or live with gusto while you wait?

Disappointment is a natural part of life as are many other emotional states but in the end spending too much time in disappointment just wastes time and life.

Let me ask you have you ever spent time waiting? For something or anything that you couldn't control? If your answer is no - I'll bet you are in a serious state of denial.

Again yes, I know that we all need to be patient as we wait for circumstances, careers or relationships to play out their normal series of events but the real question is - if you wait and it doesn't happen the way you planned, hoped or desired was the waiting worthwhile?

Over the years I have developed a simple philosophy while I wait for life to give me what I want, hope for or desire. I will be excited if it happens and I won't be disappointed if it doesn't. This simple approach does several things for me.

One - it keeps my focus on now and not yesterday, tomorrow or what's next. Two - It helps me let go of control of what I can't control. Three - It reduces the disappointment and regret in my life. And four - it helps me realize how life happens in spite of my dreams, wishes or expectations.

Works for me. How about you - have a philosophy to handle waiting or is waiting in control of your life?

http://ezinearticles.com/?Are-You-Waiting-Or-Living?&id=9369393

Success Is Not a Goal. It's a Way of Life.

When you meet a successful executive or business leader – I mean the real deal, not a shyster CEO of a one-person company playing make-believe – there’s a real tendency to assume he’s led a charmed life and everything just sort of fell into place. For the vast majority, nothing could be further from the truth.

Many grew up with nothing and overcame significant adversity just to get to adulthood in one piece. Most started at the bottom and worked their way up one day at a time to make it to the upper echelons of the business world. Even then, the challenges never stop … and there’s so much more on the line.

I’m not saying that success is never easy or that it’s way harder than it looks. Both are true, but what I’m saying is that success is also a never-ending process. Success it not a goal; it’s a way of life.

The funny thing about real executives and business leaders is that they don’t just wake up one day and say, “Wow, I made it,” and then kick back and live a life of luxury. They usually never stop working their tails off and tackling the next big challenge because that’s who they are. That’s simply what they do.

I’m not just telling you this to inspire you. I’m telling you this because I know it to be true. I can tell you from personal experience – through my own career and those of hundreds of senior executives I’ve known and worked with over the years – that it’s true.

I’ve written quite a bit about what life was like growing up with adversity and beating the odds to make it big for great entrepreneurs like Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz, Oracle chairman Larry Ellison, Softbank founder Masayoshi Son, Alibaba chairman Jack Ma, former Verizon CEO Ivan Seidenberg, and the late Steve Jobs.

Trust me when I tell you, it’s not what you think.

It’s not the way most who write about entrepreneurship and leadership make it out to be. Those who make it sound easy and flaunt their self-proclaimed successes are all BS artists. If they weren’t, they wouldn’t write the sort of nonsensical fluff we see plastered all over social media and popular websites these days.

Becoming successful is not about popular notions like personal productivity, habits, inspiration, emotional intelligence or positive thinking. It’s not about thinking like an entrepreneur or being a leader. And it’s certainly not about faking it ‘til you make it. For those who spend their lives doing what everyone else dreams or writes about, this is what being successful is really all about:

Experiencing adversity.

The reason why those who grow up under difficult circumstances often turn out to be successful executives and business leaders is because they develop the sort of competitive spirit and tenacity needed to overcome the constant challenges of their jobs. There’s no better training for being a CEO than growing up with adversity.

Having something to prove.

Most top executives I’ve known seemed to have a chip on their shoulder, as if they had something to prove, although I’ve never been able to figure out to whom they had to prove it. I’m not even sure if they knew. But that’s usually why they’re never satisfied with their own performance and accomplishments. That’s why they never stop growing, innovating, and achieving.

Being obsessed with your work.

I think everyone sort of knows by now that true entrepreneurs are passionate about solving some sort of problem in a way that's never been done before. But the big success stories – Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Mark Zuckerberg, Larry Page – aren’t just passionate about their work; they’re obsessed with it. That’s why they’re so disciplined and focused.

Believing you’re special.

One thing I’ve noticed all the greats have in common is they really think they’re special. I don’t mean that in an “I’m better than you” sort of way; they just play by their own rules. And they really couldn’t care less about how things are done or should be done. That’s why they often accomplish what others say can’t be done. Thinking you're special can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.  

Being smart and trusting your instincts.

You can think what you want, but all the successful business leaders I’ve known are smart and savvy. More important, they always trust their instincts when making big decisions. Sure, they hire the best talent and listen to what they have to say, but in the end, they go with their gut. And that usually works.

If you see success as a single goal, I doubt if you’ll ever achieve it. But if doing great work is simply what you love to do, then I’m sure you’ll be successful. 

http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/253549

How Fear Warps Your Thinking—and 3 Ways You Can Fight Back

Why fear is the biggest threat to your success

           

A tall, wobbly ladder–and you at the top.

A black spider with eight hairy, spidery legs.

A clown—any clown.

Fear can be a great survival tool. But as a way of life? It has some nasty side effects.

In every stressful or threatening situation, your brain starts logging details and adding warning labels. You may not notice at the time—you're too busy dealing with the situation—but later, whenever you encounter one similar detail to that threatening situation, you'll find yourself with sweaty palms and a racing heart. Once triggered, fear manifests in one of two primary ways: as a continual low-level fear or as a high-level, intense fear.

Anxiety is the low-level, everyday, garden-variety type of fear. It's an alertness to potential danger rather than a response to present danger. When you're anxious, your brain releases stress hormones and shuffles your priorities. Instead of focusing intently on one thing, you go into a vigilant scanning mode.

This is really useful if, say, you're on the savanna and need to notice that clump of bushes swaying before the lion jumps out. It's not so useful if the anxiety is triggered by deadlines, strained relationships, financial pressure or an overloaded inbox. In those cases, hyper-alert mode keeps you from concentrating, which is precisely what you must do to solve those anxiety-inducing problems.

The full fear response is intense, usually short-lived, and has profound effects on your body and mind. The first major effect is energy redirection. When fear kicks in, survival—rather than health—becomes paramount. Your brain reroutes energy to necessary survival skills, like eyesight and muscle response. Other functions, such as your digestive system, get put on hold.

Fear also redirects your thinking. Normally, sensory inputs take a long, leisurely route through your prefrontal cortex, where they are evaluated. Logical, abstract moral, and creative thinking all happen here. Fear gives your sensory inputs a short-cut, straight to your emotional, instinctive center: the amygdala. Here you get quick, concrete, reactive, specific thinking and emotionally or instinctively-driven decisions.

You can probably see how emotionally driven decisions might not be helpful when the fear you face is, say, an angry boss or an unhappy spouse.

Fortunately, there are some actions you can take to keep fear from controlling how you think. Here are three:

1. Recognize fear with body check-ins.

Perform a simple, hourly body check-in by asking yourself, What am I feeling right now? and then scanning your body, head to toes. When you find something off, such as strained vision, tense shoulders, heartburn or shallow breathing, ask yourself, Why am I feeling this right now? If you can identify the source of the fear, you can then face it consciously and determine if it is a real threat or not.

2. Reduce fear with buffers.

Everyday situations can cause unending anxiety that literally disables your brain from doing concentrated, creative work. Ease your anxiety by building buffer into your work and personal life. Set up soft deadlines a few days before the real deadlines. Add transition time between meetings, clients or events. Schedule extra commute time. As much as you can, space out your obligations and projects so your brain can relax and do its work well.

3. Face fear with controlled experiences.

For defined triggers, those distinct fears you know you have, you can slowly train yourself to handle them better. Nothing extreme; just decide on a simple action you'll take instead of freezing the next time you encounter the trigger. Freezing is the body's initial, automatic response. When you force yourself to take a different action instead, you slowly retrain your brain to respond to that particular fear in a different (more productive) way. Over time your brain learns that this trigger is not an unpredictable danger, but a manageable, if unpleasant, situation that you can handle.

Being unaware of fear can keep us locked into it. But when you know what fear feels like, looks like and does to your brain, you can start taking control.

http://www.success.com/article/how-fear-warps-your-thinking-and-3-ways-you-can-fight-back

5 Ways Entrepreneurs See Life Differently

Entrepreneurship is more than just a career choice. It’s a way of life. Because it consumes your personal life as well as your professional one, it typically changes you as a human being. Your approach to problem solving will change, you’ll learn new skills and become more familiar with new industries and markets. You’ll undergo a personality change -- for better or for worse. But perhaps most importantly, during your course as an entrepreneur, your perspective on life will undergo a dramatic shift.

Within a year or two of being an entrepreneur, you’ll more than likely find your world views changing in one or more of the following ways:

1. Everything becomes subject to evaluation.

Entrepreneurs are business commanders. They’re responsible for overseeing everything, from operations to management to accounting to sales and marketing. As a result, you learn to see things from a high-level perspective, and become adept at making flash judgments and fast evaluations in demanding circumstances. In the course of a given day, you’ll be forced to evaluate the strength of your financial models, the productivity of your team and the feasibility of your latest deadline projections.

As a result, you’ll start evaluating everything in your life. When deciding which restaurant to eat at, you’ll make a mental pro/con list. When you go see a movie, you’ll think about all the strengths and weaknesses of the picture, and evaluating each situation in terms of its risk and reward in the context of the film. It will feel so natural, you may not even notice it.

2. Decisions seem less consequential.

Everyone makes dozens of decisions each day, ranging from what color socks to wear to whether or not to move to a new city. As an entrepreneur, you’ll be making even more decisions, and most of them will seem more significant than “ordinary” decisions, yet you’ll come to realize that bed decisions can sometimes yield decent results and good decisions don’t guarantee victory.

After several months of helming your business, you’ll see decisions as essential, but less consequential. You’ll no longer be intimidated by the potential fallout of a bad decision; instead, you’ll make the best decision you can as quickly as you can, and you’ll move on.

3. Problems are less intimidating.

In startups, problems seem to arise out of nowhere. Every day, there’s at least one new fire that needs put out and at least one major change you never saw coming. Throughout your stay as an entrepreneur, you’ll become better at handling these problems as they come up, and all the other problems in your life will become less intimidating, too. Rather than seeing them as show-stoppers, you’ll see them as simple puzzles that are unavoidable and demand to be solved.

4. People become more important.

Entrepreneurship helps you see the importance of other people in your life. Your family and friends will be there to support you during your most stressful times. Your investors and mentors will help guide you to making the right decisions. Your partners and team mates will help you see your vision through to success. Your clients will make or break your business. Human relationships will dictate your success, and as such, you’ll learn to value them more.

5. Ideas are no longer fleeting.

During the course of a given day, I’d wager the majority of ordinary people come up with at least a half dozen ideas. Those ideas may be large, like an idea for a new business, or small, like an idea for a new dinner dish. They may be good or they may be bad. Regardless of the quality or scope of these ideas, the majority of them are released, never to be thought of again.

As an entrepreneur, you see first hand the value of an idea. Even bad ideas, if worked on, can become good ideas, and even ideas that never manifest in reality can be learned from if they are properly explored. After your course as an entrepreneur, you’ll never let another of your ideas go immediately. You’ll hold onto each one, explore it and consider it for application. Similarly, you’ll be more willing to hear and explore the ideas of others. You never know when or how your next great venture will begin.

Don’t let these perspective changes intimidate you. It’s true that entrepreneurship changes you, but in most ways, it changes you for the better. Besides, if you aren’t prepared to take a risk for a potentially monumental gain, you might not be cut out to be an entrepreneur in the first place. Your time as a business owner will be a challenging, rewarding and exciting journey. Whether you fail hard or become a massive success, you’ll be grateful you took it.

http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/247621