The Dangers of Stress and How To Manage It

This is a state of mental or emotional strain or suspense. The body functions in a cyclical manner. There are periods when it functions at a peak and there are periods when it needs to rest and replenish its energies to face more challenges of future activities. Through relaxation, the body is reenergized. It is then able to restore the brain processes of focusing attention and performing subtle cognitive and social tasks.

A lot of stress in our lives causes great havoc to our body system. Some of the negative effects of stress are:

i. Muscular tension-

This is the physical condition of stretching or overworking the muscles. The muscles, like machines, needs time to rest to replenish their energies to work for the body. If this break or rest is denied it, it puts a strain on it and can cause its breakdown. If this does not even happen, the efficiency of the muscles will be drastically reduced and the individual will start experiencing short term sicknesses. A long-term effect may have serious consequences such as stroke or render the individual paralyzed.

ii. The reduction of the flow of energy-

Stress causes the body to lose a greater quantity of energy to undertake its activities. This weakens the immune system which is supposed to protect the body from foreign substances and pathogenic organisms. This makes it very easy for the individual to be attacked by diseases.

iii. The feelings of fatigue-

Fatigue is a temporary loss of strength and energy resulting from hard physical or mental work. It is boredom that results from overexposure to work. When this occurs, the individual begins to experience tiredness which can be disastrous to his health. Working in this state can cause a person to commit serious mistakes in the course of work.

iv. The reduction of flexibility and range of motion in the body joints-

Stress can also cause the joints of the body to be stiff and may cause it not to enjoy its natural flexible manner of working. This reduces its speed of work resulting in the individual slowing his or her pace of work. It can cause the person to lose his employment because he works below the standards and expectation of his employers and thereby affecting his mental health.

v. Strain and injury-

Strain and injury are the visible end products of stress. The victim of stress usually exerts himself or herself too much to be able to perform even a simple task. If the task to be performed is physical in nature, the stresses person vigorously attends to the work resulting in injury. Stress has been the cause of numerous accidents, injuries and in some cases death in workshops, firms, industries and on our roads. Therefore, do not yourself good and maintain your healthy lifestyle by taking a rest or relaxation whenever you feel stressed up.

Stress is part of humans because we all toil to make ends meet and to take care of our families. There is, therefore, the need to manage stress. Stress can be managed through deep relaxation and massage.

i. Deep relaxation - a way of resting and enjoying yourself. It helps in keeping away from external detractions and to restore the lost energies that the body needs to function effectively.

ii. Massaging/touch therapy - the act of pressing and rubbing the body manually with the hands or mechanically with a machine, to help them relax or to reduce pain in the muscles or joints.

A creative person has to use his/her own imagination to come out with something new. He needs to have critical thinking, innovative and problem-solving skills. When the body is stressed up, fatigue sets in and critical thinking etc. are affected. This makes it very difficult for the creative person to come out with fresh original ideas. The artist should not get stressed up in any way since it can affect his abilities to create or bring new things into existence.

https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Dangers-of-Stress-and-How-To-Manage-It&id=9524574

The Neuroscience of Intelligence

If you want to strengthen intelligence, it makes good sense to first try and define what we mean by intelligence. How do you measure it and what precisely is it?

As it happens, the official answer at this moment is 'no one knows'. Intelligence is a highly abstract concept and effectively might not even be a useful term whatsoever.

Gardner's Theory of Multiple Intelligences

Among the most useful measures of intelligence is IQ or Intelligence Quotient, which assesses our ability to use abstract reasoning and other forms of 'fluid intelligence' (fluid intelligence being distinct and dynamic from 'crystalized intelligence'-- which totals up to knowledge). IQ scores are allocated on the basis of national averages.

The problem with IQ is that it provides a single umbrella for 'intelligence' and doesn't consider the existence of multiple forms of intelligence. What if you're amazing at math or otherwise so good at English? What if you're fantastic with music but lack social skills?

We understand that language and math are handled by different brain regions (language is handled by Broca's Area, among other structures) therefore it's perfectly reasonable to image some may be more developed than others. This is often the case: Einstein was notoriously dyslexic.

This is where psychologist Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences come in.

He suggested the following 'aspects' of intelligence:

- Linguistic Intelligence.

- Logic Intelligence.

- Kinesthetic Intelligence.

- Spatial Intelligence.

- Musical Intelligence.

- Interpersonal Intelligence.

- Intrapersonal Intelligence.

Someone may be 'intelligent' in any one of these areas but less so in another and would still be considered intelligent. We call this the 'modular' view of intelligence.

Why do we have musical intelligence and not 'computer game' intelligence? It ignores possible connections between the different forms of intelligence and it ignores the underlying cognitive functions that might give rise to specific measurable abilities.

It's a step in the right direction, but not a comprehensive explanation of intelligence.

Whole Brain Connectivity and Plasticity

It would be fairly logical to assume that someone who we would generally consider for being intelligent might perform better than average in multiple of these categories.

Genius-- which is considered to describe a form of additional 'insight' and to be distinct from pure mastery-- likely comes from the ability to apply multiple perspectives and multiple schools of thought to a single problem.

More recent research shows that intelligence is predicted by 'whole brain connectivity'-- the ability of the brain to utilize considerable amounts of different brain areas at once in a cohesive manner. It even appears that connectivity between prefrontal regions may provide a basis for consciousness.

To be truly intelligent, you need to have better-than-average performance in multiple mental faculties and have better-than-average connectivity between those corresponding brain regions.

Ways to Become More Intelligent

How does this come about? Simple: through brain plasticity.

Brain plasticity describes the ability of our brain to grow, change and adapt shape? Greater plasticity means greater potential to learn. Greater potential to develop specific brain regions and the connectivity between them.

If you have greater plasticity during your development as a child and you are then given the opportunity to learn by being exposed to the right stimuli, then you will develop more areas of your brain and more connectivity between them.

Intelligence = Adaptability + Opportunity

It's likely that genetic factors might influence greater plasticity in certain individuals, but better sleep, greater happiness, exercise, more focus and interest and certainly better nutrition will all contribute too. That's how you make a super-smart child but if you're already an adult and you feel you could have done better, then you have to scrutinize ways to increase your plasticity again and start learning!

Recapping IQ

The problem with IQ is that it provides a single umbrella for 'intelligence' and doesn't allow for the existence of multiple forms of intelligence. Remember to think why do we have musical intelligence and not 'computer game' intelligence, yet? It ignores possible connections between the different forms of intelligence and it ignores the underlying cognitive functions that might give rise to specific measurable abilities.

https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Neuroscience-of-Intelligence&id=9837871

Meaningful Visits

In today's society people are living longer because of healthier lifestyle choices. The senior citizens are living well in to their 80's and 90's. However, this puts them at an increase risk of developing dementia. It has been said that if the individual does not develop a chronic illness by this age more than likely the individual will develop a form of dementia. Dementia is a term that is used to describe an illness of the brain. The term "Dementia" is an umbrella term for all of the types of dementia that exist because there approximately 35 different types. Alzheimer's Disease is difficult to deal with.

An individual diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease or dementia is difficult to deal with because of the disease progression. Families have to decide on the course of care for their loved one. Where will their loved one live? Will they live at home? Will they be placed in an Assisted Living facility or long-Term care facility? If the family chooses to place the individual in a facility setting then other questions arise.

You find yourself in a dilemma when visiting with your loved one. What can we do together? What can we discuss? There are a variety of activities that you can do. This provides the opportunity for the two of you to enjoy a meaningful visit.

Your family member has a wealth of information. Although the short- term memory is affected, the long-term memory is still active. Your loved one recalls stories from long ago so interview them then record those memories down in a journal. Remember to ask specific questions related to his/her life. Later on you can create a book about them, any way that you wish, then call it "This is Your Life" in. However, what do you do on a visit when there is a severe cognitive decline? This is when sensory and tactile stimulation is important. One tool that can be used is aromatherapy. Bring in hand lotion to apply on his/her hand for a massage. On nice days go outside to sit because Mother Nature is wonderful tool to use for sensory stimulation. Provide the opportunity for each one to hold a leaf, a stick or a flower. Be careful that they do not put it in their mouth.

These few suggestions are some ideas that will lead to a meaningful, purposeful and interactive visit with your loved one when. Then the visit will be meaningful for all of those who participated in the visit.

Meaningful visits with your loved one who was diagnosed with dementia. Provide an activity so that the two of you can have fun.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Meaningful-Visits&id=9066019

Fight in Order to Be Responsible

Our brains are wired to connect with each other. According to studies, we as human beings possess a unique system in our brain called "Default Network". This system is being activated every time we rest on our couch, or when we are driving on our way home. In general the Default Network takes place in the absence of any cognitive, motor or visual task. The main task of this specific network is the capacity to thing about other people and ourselves, the neuroscientists call it social cognition. In other words we the default network turn on in our free time. For further information check out the book "Social" by Matthew D. Lieberman.

Using unconsciously the default network, we choose who to be friends with, who to work with and even who is right for us to build a relationship. The way that our social circle can influence us for better or for worse, is astonishing. As human beings we can be influenced pretty easily, I once read in the book "Everything is Obvious", that consumers in wine stores are more likely to buy German wine when German music is playing in the background, and French wine when French music is playing. Can you imagine the magnitude of influence your friends, your family have over you? That said we all must be very careful about who we are investing in.

A majority of people strongly believe that emotional investment goes hand in hand with emotional suppression. They are willing to sacrifice their core beliefs in order to "preserve" a relationship. At the end, they wonder "what went wrong", while their integrity has been thrown to elimination.

Can you count the "small" lies you tell on a daily basis to your friend, or your parents, in order to avoid a fight, for example?

You feel through your body and heart that you should express your honest opinion about an issue or a certain behavior that you cannot tolerate anymore, but still you hesitate. You rationalize your "non-taking-action" attitude, and go on with your life.

There is a very simple practice when you catch yourself compromising. STOP! Control your breath and express how you actually feel, offer to your friend, husband or wife your perspective and they will respect you for it. Of course there are times that you don't even know that you are lacking integrity. But through your journey of creating yourself, it will come to you.

According to Nathaniel Branden nature gives us an extraordinary option. To seek awareness or not bother at all. Take responsibility for your actions, even if you have to fight with your loved one. Choose awareness, choose responsibility.

New to BaktoBlog? Start here http://www.baktoblog.com/new-start-here/

If you want to get new insights on how to improve your everyday life then you came to the right place.

Baktoblog expresses itself through articles, based on books, influential people and our author's experiences. The journey becomes with the mind-set of creating a better version of yourself.

BaktoBlog is here for those who want to:

Raise their self-esteem. Overcome negative thoughts. Fight their fears. Express their own thoughts. Alter their perspective. Find interesting Books. Live a happier life.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Fight-in-Order-to-Be-Responsible&id=9244688

Why Habits Are So Hard To Break

Before I answer that for you, I have a favor to ask.

Can you please try NOT to think of a purple elephant?

Seriously, do NOT think of a purple elephant.

Thinking of a purple elephant is bad. Thinking of a purple elephant is unethical. Thinking of a purple elephant is immoral.

Do NOT do it. Deal?

Hey, why are you STILL thinking of a purple elephant? Haven't I told you NOT to think of a purple elephant, why are you still doing so?

Okay, fun intended.

The whole point of this imaginative experiment is to demonstrate that our brain is incapable of NOT thinking of something. It always needs a point of focus in order to direct attention.

Therefore, when you try to tell yourself to "stop ABC habits", you will almost always fail.

Habits can NOT be stopped by avoiding them. The more you invest thoughts about the "Don'ts", the scarier it feels because you don't seem like to be able to control it.

Have you heard of this psychological problem called The Hot-Cold Empathy Gap?

Basically, it's a cognitive bias in which people underestimate the influences of visceral drives (hunger, thirst, sexual arousal, drug cravings etc.) on their own attitudes, preferences and behaviors.

Whenever we are affected in such "hot emotional state", these driving forces will have an overwhelming effect on our decision-making and behaviors. We'll become more "out of control" and very likely act impulsively in the heat of the moment, instead of staying on path of our original bigger long-term goals.

That's why it's hard to calm someone down when they're pointing knives and guns to you.

That's why it's hard to persuade your friend to leave a toxic relationship when he or she is madly in love.

That's why it's hard to stop food, sugar, alcohol or smoking cravings at night after a long day of exhausting work.

Therefore, it's extremely hard to predict how we're going to act when our cravings suddenly heat, because by then we will already be in an entirely different state of mind to behave rationally.

Remember, logic almost always lose the battle with our emotions.

Humans are more of emotional beings than rational beings. We rarely can logically talk ourselves out of situations when we feel emotionally compelled to do certain things.

Most of the time, we do things because we are rewarded by experiencing certain pleasant feelings or avoiding certain painful feelings, and we rationalize that behavior later on with logic.

That's why when a bad habit is set, it's almost impossible to change that behavior at the heat of the moment even though we know it's harmful to us.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Habits-Are-So-Hard-To-Break&id=9530860

If You Think Attitudes Affect Behaviors, Think Again

Brilliant quotes are everywhere nowadays.

Winston Churchill says, "Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference".

Earl Nightingale says, "Our attitude towards others determines their attitude towards us."

Michael Jordan says, "My attitude is that if you push me towards something that you think is a weakness, then I will turn that perceived weakness into a strength."

Very well said, but do attitudes really affect behaviors?

An interesting study in 1934 was conducted by LaPiere to investigate the relationship between attitudes and behavior.

Long story short, LaPiere was travelling with a Chinese couple to see how intense the prejudice against Chinese was since there were no laws against racial discrimination. So they visited 67 hotels and 184 restaurants for observation and 6 months later, they sent a letter asking if they would accept Chinese guests.

The result was that in these 250+ premises, only one of them politely refused their visit. But out of the 128 replies to the letter, 91% said they would not accept Chinese guests.

So LaPiere concluded that attitudes do NOT always predict behavior. The cognitive components of attitudes (aka. one's belief or knowledge about something) do NOT always match the actual behavior.

Let me ask you this, have you ever tried to commit to certain goals (e.g. running a mile a day, cutting out sugar in your diet, reading 30 minutes a day, or writing a blog post a day), you fail a couple of times, and you start to make excuses as to why you can't do so?

Of course you have!

You do feel bad or guilty of not committing don't you?

It does feel better when you give "explanations" doesn't it?

This kind of discomfort is also known as cognitive dissonance in psychological terms. It happens when there's conflict or tension between what you did and what you believed in.

Since the behavior/action is not reversible, in order to relieve this internal inconsistency, your brain will change your attitude that matches your behavior.

This is when you come up with millions of excuses why you failed to deliver so that you feel better.

How can you use this power of cognitive dissonance to your advantage?

Well, next time you need to tackle something totally outside your comfort zone, or perform certain tasks that you don't believe you can handle, you can really feel the fear and do it anyway.

When you behave as if the kind of ideal person you want to be, your brain will slowly shift your mindset/belief/attitude so that you actually BECOME that strong, capable, leading person.

The mere act of doing it repeatedly, even when you don't feel like to, will help you become the person you've always aspired to be.

So next time when you "think about" how to be successful, ask yourself "What will [Steve Jobs, Richard Branson, Donald Trump, Warren Buffet etc.] do in this situation?".

Once you have a glimpse of how your genius friend will do, go take the same action and just do it!

http://ezinearticles.com/?If-You-Think-Attitudes-Affect-Behaviors,-Think-Again&id=9507985

9 Ways to Calm Your Anxious Mind

Powerful research-based approaches to stop racing thoughts and move forward.

Anxious thoughts can overwhelm you, making it difficult to make decisions and take action to deal with whatever issue bothers you. Anxiety can also lead to overthinking, which makes you more anxious, which leads to more overthinking, and so on. How can you get out of this vicious cycle? Repressing anxious thoughts won’t work; they will just pop up again, sometimes with more intensity. But there are more effective techniques you can borrow from Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and Cognitive-Behavioral therapies.

Following are 9 strategies to help you get unstuck and move forward:

1. Attempt Cognitive Distancing

Try to see your anxious thoughts as guesses not facts. Your mind is trying to protect you by predicting what could happen, but just because something could happen doesn’t mean it will. Look at objective evidence: How likely is it that the negative outcome will actually happen? Is there anything good that might happen instead? And which do you think is most likely to happen, based on past experience and other information you have about the situation?

2. Try Cognitive De-fusion

Stop being fused with your thoughts. Think of your thoughts as moving data passing through your mind, rather than the objective truth about a situation. Our brains are hypersensitive to threat and danger because this kept our ancestors alive in the wild. Some of your thoughts may just be automatic conditioned reactions generated by a brain that is oriented to survival. Choose whether or not to believe these thoughts, rather than just accepting them.

3. Practice Mindfulness

Practice observing your thoughts, rather than reacting automatically to them. Think of your thoughts as clouds floating by. Which draw you in and which make you want to run away? Is there a way you can untangle yourself and just observe your thoughts, rather than reacting? 

4. Focus on Direct Experience

Your mind makes up stories about who you are, and about your safety and lovability. Not all of these stories are accurate. Sometimes our minds are biased by negative past experiences. What is your experience in the present moment? Is this something that is actually happening or something that might happen? Notice that they are not the same thing, even though your mind may treat them as the same.

5. Label Things

Label the type of thought you are having, rather than paying attention to its content. Watch your thoughts and when you notice a judgment (e.g., how good or bad the situation is), go ahead and label it as Judging. If you notice a worry (e.g., that you are going to fail or experience a loss) label it as Worrying. If you are criticizing yourself, label it as Criticizing. This gets you away from the literal content of your thoughts and gives you more awareness of your mental processes. Do you want to be spending your time judging and worrying? Are there less judgmental or worried ways to see the situation? 

6. Stay in the Present

Is your mind regurgitating the past? Just because something negative happened in the past doesn’t mean it has to happen today. Ask yourself if the circumstances, or your knowledge and coping abilities, have changed since the last time. As an adult, you have more choice about whom to associate with and more ability to identify, preempt, or leave a bad situation than when you were a child or teenager.

7. Broaden Your View

Are you focusing too narrowly on the threatening aspects of a situation, rather than seeing the whole picture? Anxiety makes our minds contract and focus on the immediate threat without considering the broader context. Is this situation really as important as your anxiety says it is? Will you still care about this problem in 5 or 10 years? If not, then ease up on the worry.

8. Get Up and Get Going

Worrying over an issue without creating a solution will not help you solve the problem. It may in fact make you less likely to act by feeding your anxiety. When your mind is stuck in a loop, you can interrupt it by getting up and moving around or doing a different task or activity. When you sit back down, you should have a different perspective.  

9. Decide Whether a Thought Is Helpful

Even if a thought is true doesn't mean that it is helpful to focus on it, not all the time. If only 1 in 10 people will get the job you seek, and you keep thinking about those odds, you may become demotivated and not even bother applying. This is an example of a thought that is true but not helpful. Focus your attention on what is helpful and let the rest go!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201506/9-ways-calm-your-anxious-mind

5 Biases You Probably Have (Even If You Think You Don't)

... including why we favor more attractive people.

In cognitive psychology, there is a concept known as the "better-than-average" effect.

The basic idea of an "average" implies that 50% of people will be below average, and 50% will be above. However, when you ask people if they're below or above average when it comes to any particular skill (e.g., driving, singing), far more people will rate themselves as above average than the 50% that you might expect.

Even when we know about such cognitive biases, we often think of ourselves as being immune to them: Other people might fall into that trap, we think, but I'm too smart for that.

To optimize your thinking, let's examine those cognitive biases to which you believe you are immune. Here are 4 more: 

1. Treating more attractive people better. 

Attractive people tend to get evaluated more positively than less attractive people. If you're in a position to hire a new employee or choose a realtor or doctor, this is a good bias to be aware of. Also, since weight stigma remains very prevalent in our culture, it's useful to be aware if you're attributing any negative judgments to someone who is overweight—e.g., thinking they might be lazy. Another example might be the stereotype that someone who has tattoos might be unreliable. 

The same principle applies to treating people who are more similar to you more favorably. Even when we're aware that this general bias exists, we often don't notice when it plays out in our lives—e.g., in a class, you might find study groups organizing themselves by ethnicity or age, or in your neighborhood, you might have a friendlier relationship with neighbors who are more similar to you than those who are different.

2. Thinking bad things won't happen to you.

You might know the statistics on how many people will get cancer during their lifetime, yet still think that your personal chance of contracting it is much lower. The key is recognizing your "average" vulnerability—to the extent that it's useful and motivates positive behaviors, such as getting a pap smear, carrying appropriate health insurance, wearing a seat belt, and using sun protection. Outside of the health sphere, similar examples include taking basic precautions to secure your home or prevent your stuff getting stolen. 

3. Vulnerability to marketing and sales techniques. 

Most of us know about the common sales and marketing techniques used by brands and salespeople. For example, "upsells" that get us to pay more for unneeded extras; credit cards and loyalty programs that use rewards and bonus offers to get people to spend more than they usually would; free trials that you don't get around to cancelling; and, in stores, putting the most expensive brands at eye level.

Which types of offers do you participate in but kid yourself that you're not getting influenced by sales and marketing techniques? There may be some strategies that don't cause you to change your thinking or behavior, but you need to be able to recognize when you are being influenced. 

3. Our bias toward sticking to doing the same thing. 

The more familiar something is, the more we tend to prefer it. When do you fail to recognize that you like something mostly because you're familiar with it—e.g., wearing black every day just because you're used to it.

4. Seeing people we're in love with through rose-tinted glasses. 

When you're in a committed relationship, it's generally useful to see the best in your spouse or partner. It helps keep us happy in the relationship by convincing us that we made a good choice of partner, and it allows us to give our partner a break when they screw up—e.g., they do something stupid but we continue to see them as generally smart.

However, there can be times where we fail to recognize our partner's shortcomings when it would be useful to do so—e.g., you might allow them to talk you into something financially risky or unethical.  

At the dating stage, love and lust can blind us as well, to the extent that we make a poor choice when a new partner's negative qualities come to the surface—e.g., your partner is a superficially charming narcissist. When would it be useful to you to recognize that your partner does have a weakness in a particular area—e.g., when they overestimate their driving abilities and drive too quickly when your entire family is in the car.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201512/5-biases-you-probably-have-even-if-you-think-you-dont

Tired of Being Judged? Try This.

How to focus on your own voice, not everyone else's

Students are evaluated on the basis of test performance, written assignments, oral presentations, and contributions to class discussion. Athletes compete for winning records, public accolades like Most Valuable Player, advertising contracts, and citations in news stories. Performing artists strive for fame. Employees receive regular performance reviews that can affect their salary and chances for promotion. Socially, many men feel compelled to impress others with their courage, strength, and physical prowess, and some women pressured to enhance their physical attractiveness and maintain qualities of sensuality and nurturance.

Our awareness and expectation of being judged continues to increase, as judgment pervades our lives. Implicit messages of comparison are experienced vicariously by viewers of talent shows in which competitors are judged for artistic, culinary, fitness, physical appearance, and social skills—American Idol, Cupcake Wars, The Bachelor, etc. We are inundated with explicit judgments as we monitor the number of “likes,” “favorites,” “retweets,” positive emoticons, and favorable and unfavorable comments on our online status updates.

Is an immersion in being evaluated, compared, and judged taking a toll on us? Are you exhausted by constant judgment, or the anticipation of it? There is research suggesting that the bombardment of judgment affects us, whether we are aware of it or not. 

When evaluation is inherent in competitive performance, the pursuit of winning is accompanied by physiological and cognitive arousal. While such arousal can enhance performance and heighten positive affect, it can also induce both physical and cognitive stress and negative emotion. The desire for success is inherently associated with the fear of failure and anxiety over the potential shame of disappointing loved ones. When heightened arousal is followed by actual or perceived failure, the precipitous drop in mood can be dramatic. Less obvious is the psychological cost attached to success. In most cases, winning is but one step in a recurring loop of the need to attain the next goal. As one spirals up the ladder of success, the competition gap becomes ever narrower, with the need for improved performance more necessary. As the competition increases, the threat of losing looms.

When the competition is your own last achievement, you find yourself in the paradoxical position of having to outdo the best you have been capable of. If you have given all you’ve got to attain the status you have, there can be considerable fear that there is no more potential to actualize. Musical artists can fear the “sophomore jinx," and authors, the dreaded “writer's block.” Athletes and dancers can worry about injuries, aging, or wear and tear on their bodies. Celebrities, fashion designers, and manufacturers know the public can be fickle in its likes and dislikes. Fads come and go, and there is no guarantee that what was effective once will succeed again in the future. And you can be your own worst critic, becoming paralyzed by the thought that you can disappoint not only others you care about, but also yourself. Idealized perfection is an elusive goal, and chasing after it is like fighting windmills. Constantly trying to surpass one’s last performance can detract from understanding one’s most important worth in the lives of those we love and those whose lives are better because of us.

Television, film, and print media have long provided models for comparison. Advances in cosmetic procedures, photo-editing, and film techniques have created standards impossible to achieve. Possibly the greatest threat to our self-esteem comes from virtual indicators of our worth. Resumes and career profiles abound in cyberspace, and our progress or lack of advancement has become visible to friends, family, coworkers, and strangers. Public displays of our romantic successes and failures can be cause for celebration or embarrassment. Social media brings social comparison into our personal lives. While we have learned that little is real in reality television, we have greater difficulty discounting the implicit and explicit judgments offered by our friends, relatives, and virtual “friends.”

Research suggests that competition, comparison, and being judged are often associated with stress, anxiety, depression, and less favorable images of self worth. People who interpret their worth from external indicators, such as the approval and attention of others; grades; and rankings, are especially vulnerable to depression in this environment saturated with judgment. Depression can accompany feelings of low social rank, failure, or helplessness. The pressure exerted by the virtual world to evaluate ourselves relative to others can result in depression, loneliness, and less satisfying close relationships. The intrusion of social media into our personal lives threatens not only our psychological well-being, but also our perceptions of, and feelings toward, those we love. 

Unwillingly, parents compare their children to those highlighted online or showcased on social media sites. Feeling pressured to share information about their own children, parents can inadvertently leverage their children in their efforts to compete. For example, proudly announcing that an eight-year-old can play “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” by heart on the piano, a parent can be robbed of some of their joy by posts bragging about a six-year-old who plays Mozart on the violin or a seven-year-old who has mastered his or her third foreign language. Just as social comparison can threaten our self-worth, extending such judgments to our children can threaten how we view them and their potential. Our children are challenged enough dealing with the barrage of judgment surrounding them. They should not have to suffer the repercussions of being part of their parents’ struggle to be judged worthy.

Judgment is inherent in a competitive society. We cannot escape performance reviews at work, or social feedback from family, friends, and others. But we can mitigate their impact on our psychological well-being through these techniques:

1. Thoughtful reflection can help us keep judgment in perspective. We should not allow feedback on one aspect of our job performance, or on a particular personality trait or feature of our physical appearance, to affect how we feel about ourselves overall.
    
2. We don’t expect a gifted surgeon to be an excellent ballet dancer. When we feel threatened by negative commentary, it is important to consider our strengths, our prior history of achievement, and our ability to improve. It is also important to consider the degree of accuracy of the judgment. Not all criticism is equally fair or deserved. Consider the source.
    
3. Most of all, it can be helpful to redirect our attention away from what it says about who we are. Instead, shift the judgment to what we can do to improve our situation or appreciate who we truly are. While we can’t avoid being judged, we can avoid letting others define us.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/longing-nostalgia/201506/tired-being-judged-try

The Happiness Equation

The solution is already in your head.

In case you were wondering, yes, there is a mathematical equation that can predict what will make you happy.
Researchers from University College London developed the equation after observing a group of study participants play a game involving monetary risks and rewards. They then used the equation to analyze data from more than 18,000 people around the globe, collected through a smartphone app.
The data was all about what made these people happy on a moment-by-moment basis, including how they felt and what they were thinking before feeling happy. And the equation the researchers constructed, they believe, was able to successfully predict the factors leading to their happiness a significant percentage of the time.
And here it is:
OK, I can’t pretend to understand how the researchers developed the equation, either, but one word in their lengthy explanation resonates with my math-addled brain: Expectations.

After all the complex analyses, it really all comes down to what we expect and how strongly we expect it.
According to cognitive and computational neuroscientist Robb Rutledge, lead author of the study, sometimes happiness results from following the pessimist’s maxim: Keep your expectations low, and if they’re exceeded then you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
“Life is full of expectations," he says. "It would be difficult to make good decisions without knowing, for example, which restaurant you like better. It is often said that you will be happier if your expectations are lower. We find that there is some truth to this: Lower expectations make it more likely that an outcome will exceed those expectations and have a positive impact on happiness.”
On the other hand, Rutledge says, sometimes we feel happy well before we know the outcome: “If you have plans to meet a friend at your favourite restaurant, those positive expectations may increase your happiness as soon as you make the plan. The new equation captures these different effects of expectations and allows happiness to be predicted based on the combined effects of many past events.”
The research team combined their analysis with results of functional MRI scans of the original study participants’ brains, in an attempt to correlate happiness-resulting decisions with activity in certain brain areas. They found significant activity in two brain areas known to play a major role in seeking rewards and feeling strong emotion—the ventral striatum and the insular cortex.
Expectations are really just the business end of our brain’s reward-targeting shotgun. Both the setting of expectations and their achievement triggers a whole lot of dopamine (the so-called “reward neurotransmitter”) to cascade through tightly packed receptors in the brain’s reward center—of which the ventral striatum is a central part.
That understanding jibes nicely with this study’s findings that merely thinking about an expectation sparks elevated feelings. Achieving or exceeding the expectation leads to even more dopamine activity, and, consequently, even higher emotion.
And, somehow, all of that can be captured in an equation. Who said maths isn’t useful?
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/neuronarrative/201408/the-happiness-equation