You Cannot Fully Understand A Person's Need Until You Have Endured The Same Need

As hard as you may try to understand other people's situation and suffering, you'll fall short unless you go through the same circumstance. You will find it hard to understand their needs but if you are sensitive enough to feel what they feel, I am sure there is no problem expressing your empathy rather than your sympathy.

When you put yourself on other people's shoes, you also feel their emotions like being angry, sad, hurt and excluded. Being able to predict how other people might feel is a part of emotional intelligence (EQ ), a skill we can all develop with practice. When we understand how other people are likely to feel, it can guide our interactions and dealings with them.

By nature, people are extremely self-centered. Everyone tries to look at a situation from their own perspective hardly empathizing any situation and try to look at it from the other side. Sometimes we just fail to comprehend the situation because we make decisions quicker than we thought. Our peripheral vision is blurred due to our easy to 

judge behavior.

When we understand other people's feelings, it actually requires a threshold level of empathy to even be aware of what others feel. Most of us are not able to understand other people's feelings. We are too preoccupied with our own shortcomings that we failed to notice that there are still other beings out there who suffered more than we've been through.

Though life is a matter of choice; our willingness to listen and understand other's predicament can help boost their morale. This is easier said than done. In reality, we are quick to make assumptions without digging deeper what makes them act or do such foolish actions that made them suffer than satisfied.

I can understand that it is really difficult to feel what other people feels because some people are not willing to listen. We just need to regard people not on what they do but what their situation is because when it comes to understanding others, we seldom use our heart. Most often than not, we use our mouth to speak harsh words to others rather than let our emotions speak the truth.

We are more considerate when we listen with our hearts than our ears. We need to learn how to accept our mistakes before we can understand the mistakes of others. Most sensible people understand. But it does not mean that they are mean. It just happened that they focused mostly on themselves rather than on other people.

People who regularly have outbursts of anger, depression or flamboyant enthusiasm are generally frowned upon in their childhood experience. There are some children who suffered emotional trauma in their formative years because of parents' neglect. True, we have to be patient in understanding their situation but it doesn't mean that we are going to tolerate such display of inappropriate behavior. If they are not corrected right now, then they will become liabilities of the society than assets.

But never ever assume everything is fine just because someone isn't having a nervous breakdown. We all have our individual problems, angst and upsets in life. We just have to be sensitive with the underlying currents that made them who they are. It gives us an advantage in trying to help.

Emphatic understanding is very important especially if we want to know what others have been through.

http://ezinearticles.com/?You-Cannot-Fully-Understand-A-Persons-Need-Until-You-Have-Endured-The-Same-Need&id=9774840

The 4 Worst Things to Say to a Friend Who's Suffering

These cliches sound helpful, but help no one.

When a friend experiences a loss, whether it be a death in the family, a divorce, separation, miscarriage, or other staggering event, it can often be difficult to know what to say. The tendency to simply repeat the same platitudes—"I'm so sorry"; "You'll be in my thoughts"—is understandably strong, but can sometimes lead you down the wrong path. Take a look at the Facebook comments of anyone who has posted something sad, and they read like a broken record.

Want to know what's not particularly helpful? Read on for some common phrases that surprisingly do more harm than good.

1. "I know how you feel."
   Honestly, you can't, you don't, and you won't. Even if you think you've had an extremely similar experience and are just trying to offer sympathy, there's no way for you to truly be in their shoes, as all of our different psychological characteristics and the variables inherent in any given situation or relationship can add up to extremely different mixes of feelings. Certainly, you can empathize and talk about how you relate to him or her. But don't pretend you can get inside someone's head: You'll come off like a know-it-all who wants to make someone else's loss an excuse to talk about yourself.
2. "This is God's plan." This can be confusing, unhelpful, or, worse, enraging—"Why do you believe that God wants me to experience Hell on Earth?" Certainly, if you share your friend's faith, nudging them toward a reminder of their beliefs can help bring peace. But declaring that you have their life's fate all figured out can be downright insensitive, especially if they are understandably questioning their own beliefs when life doesn't seem to make sense anymore.
3. "If you need anything, give me a call." Very common and no doubt well-meaning, this is the classic sign-off of sympathetic friends everywhere. But it's quite vague, and puts the burden of effort on the grieving person. How realistic is it that someone in the throes of grieving is actually going to get on the phone to call you and ask for something specific? And if the person is generally uncomfortable asking for help, it becomes even less likely. "Let me know if there's anything I can do" has become almost laughable in its triteness, even if you mean it. Instead, be specific and try to take away their work: Ask when you can bring over some takeout. Tell him or her that you want to do some of their laundry and all they have to do is pick a time over the weekend. When someone is emotionally paralyzed by loss, it's often the simple tasks of everyday life that become overwhelming: Saying you are going to come by with some groceries this Thursday is going to go a lot farther than some vague and passive offer of helping.
4. "This, too, shall pass."Though a good phrase to cross-stitch into a throw pillow, or to reassure yourself when you're sitting through a particularly bad episode of America's Got Talent, this is rarely useful coming from someone else, especially in the throes of a loss. Being told that they'll feel better soon seems like wishful thinking, and may come across as totally invalidating of their pain. They need more time, and to come to this conclusion on their own.

Keeping these tips in mind will help maximize your ability to help your friend. But remember, perhaps the worst thing to say is nothing at all: Many people in the throes of grief report that the disappearance of otherwise well-meaning friends—who perhaps just were uncomfortable or worried bout being unable to say the perfect thing—was the most painful thing of all.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/friendship-20/201108/the-4-worst-things-say-friend-whos-suffering