Seeing Is Believing & How Things Ought To Be (By Stephen Warrilow)

I was walking on the beach this morning enjoying the sound of the sea lapping on the shingle. My mind was in neutral and I was feeling gratitude for such a beautiful morning and for the blessing of living by the coast.

My thoughts drifted and wandered to the realisation of one my most cherished objectives, and then to the business deal that could make that possible... and then I was mulling over how this business deal may or may not succeed.

My thoughts then drifted further into analysis of how much this mattered to me and all the good things that depended on getting the result I wanted. I thought of how a successful outcome would enable me to help a particular person I have been mentoring.

Then I started getting frustrated: "... why is this taking so long... if seeing is believing I can't see this happening... ?"

Within only a few short minutes my peace of mind and present moment awareness was shattered and I was feeling frustrated, anxious and resentful...

The ego has a very clear idea of how things ought to be.

When reality doesn't match that image and expectation the result is frustration and pain.

It's My Life And I'll Do It My Way

Our minds are automatically programmed to create what we perceive to be MY life and it comes all nicely packaged up with clear boundaries that define my sense of who I am and how things are.

But who is this "I"?

If you were to look deep enough and persist with the question "Who am I?" you will find that there is nothing there!

This is not an idea or a theory it is an experienced reality. I am speaking from direct personal experience, having been down this line of enquiry myself, as a by-product of some extremely testing situations in the past.

When you look deep enough all you will find is a large amount of ideas about "me", thoughts that "I" have, concepts, ideas and images of "me" - all the stuff that makes up "how I see myself" and that defines "my self-image".

When all these layers of who "I am" are peeled away there is nothing there except an operating system of largely automatically pre-programmed thoughts and responses that runs the bag of bones that we like to think of as "me".

Metaphorically, think of the ego as "Windows 10" with "self" awareness!

Seeing Is Believing, Or Is It?

Like the characters in "The Matrix" we are fooled by the illusion that what we see is how things really are.

Why? Because this is the "Windows 10" default setting, which:

* See things "out there"

* Sees separateness

* Sees a world of circumstances and events and situations

* Is bound by time and sees a past and future.

* Sees the present moment - now - through the lens of its own inner map of reality which it links up seamlessly with its memory of a past and it conjecture and projection of a future

Thus we are fooled by our thoughts, we are trapped in our thoughts, and we can't think our way out of this one.

There really is no way out via the conventional functioning of the human mind.

We confuse the map with the territory.

Seeing is believing is our default setting.

But, as we become more mindful, in the gaps between our thoughts, we experience that we are far more than the limited and conventional sense of self.

We are not "Windows 10"!

As we experience this we realise that we are spiritual or energetic beings and that we really are all interconnected and part of one all-embracing everything.

The walls of separation fall away.

"Windows 10" is not an energetic being and its intention, its expectation, is linked to circumstance.

A Personal Illustration

I recall a situation of this where I was grounded in, and fixated on, circumstances. I was looking outside of myself to circumstances seeking evidence of how I could believe that my intentions were possible.

I was looking outside of myself to circumstances seeking evidence of how I could believe that my intentions were possible.

Eventually I realised that belief, or expectation, was an internal state, and that my experience of life was ultimately dependent on that.

Don't keep looking outside of yourself, to circumstances, to find evidence of HOW it might all work out.

It starts within you. You have to feel it first and then things will change and your intentions will be realised.

Seeing Is Believing & Dropping the "How?"

Letting go and dropping the "How?" is hard for the ego because letting go is an act of surrender - of giving up control.

Also it is a matter of temperament. Those of who see ourselves as the leader and in charge can find it particularly difficult. Often we can only really let go when we reach a stage of desperation.

Alternatively, we can use the following less dramatic and less stressful approach:

* Make peace with the present moment by accepting what is.

* Give thanks and express gratitude for what is - regardless of circumstances.

* Connect with your higher self/ higher power/spiritual self by the advanced practice of gratitude.

* See the end result and the outcome you seek and, this is key, feel it, and say thank you.

* Take Action - and act on inner prompts, guidance and intuitions as they arise and do so to very the best of your ability. When you act, just do it. Don't think about it and let go of attachment to the outcome.

* Finally, and most importantly - The GESTATION PERIOD - understand it, believe in it, accept it and persist through it.

"Stop Worrying About How It's Going To Happen And Start Believing That It Will"

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Find Out How Much You're WORTH

Welcome! Thank you for being here. I hope you're excited because I am! My intention is to inspire you, to get your vibration of energy to rise and for you to be focused on your goals and the things that you want to accomplish. We have the power to create our lives by design and that's what we're doing here so that you can have a very successful week. It's all about your mindset and manifesting your dreams!

Today we're going to be reviewing the Law Of Compensation

What does the word "compensation" mean to you?

For me compensation means getting rewarded for what I did or what I said or the value that I added.

It can also be described as: "A reward for my efforts." That's exactly what I understand for compensation. Also "Getting what you are owed." Absolutely. That means putting an effort or providing a service or product in order for you to get compensated and get paid what you're worth or what you're owed.

There Are Three Key Elements For Compensation:

1. Self Worth

It comes down to worthiness. What you believe you're worthy is what you're going to compensate yourself with, what others are going to compensate you with. Which, I'm going to call it in this case, your Self Image.

How do you feel you're getting compensated?

Whether it's your job, your career, your life purpose or whatever it is that you do every day, how do you feel you're getting compensated? - Please take a second to close your eyes, check within and ask yourself the following questions:

How do you get compensated?

Do you believe that you're getting compensated fairly?

Do you think it's fair what you get for compensation in extent of what you do?

Do you think you're getting compensated poorly? Or do you think you're getting compensated abundantly?

Whatever the answer is for you... then that is your self image. That's what you see yourself that you're worth. This is really important because it starts with how you see yourself on the inside.

Imagine that for a second you're outside of the jar, and you're looking into yourself. How do you see yourself? Do you see yourself like you do a fantastic job? Do you see yourself like, "Uh, I don't really have anything to teach. I don't really have anything to add value with." Then, guess what? That's probably why you're getting compensated poorly. The self image, that image you hold of yourself is very low and that has to do with your self worth.

If you're adding really good value, there is no reason why you shouldn't get compensated abundantly.

I believe I get compensated abundantly and that's because, first of all, I believe in the quality of what I do, which is adding value.

2. Adding Value:

The more value you add, the better you get compensated.

If you're adding little value, you're getting compensated very little. If you add a lot of value - and please do not confuse this with thinking that with the more hours I work, the more I'm going to get paid. That's just exchanging time and effort for money. I want you to contemplate in your brain for a second the possibility of, "How could I work less and get compensated more?" <= that's called LEVERAGE

Add more value every day by doing it with high quality standards

Adding more value doesn't mean working more hours. Getting more exhausted and sleeping less and all that. No. It just means adding more value but every day, doing it with quality, going the extra mile, with a smile.

If you're going to do something, even if you don't want to do it but you already committed to it, you might as well do it with quality. You might as well do it with the smile and with pleasure. Otherwise, what's the point?

3. Mastery:

The more you do it, the better quality it will be & the closer you are getting to mastery. You need to be a master at what you do. You don't need to juggle a million balls trying to be good at everything. No, You just need to be a master in one thing.

I don't go around teaching mindset and self esteem and confidence to cats and dogs and guys and girls, I just do it for ladies because that's what I'm good at. That's what I'm a work in progress of mastering. You just want to have a very small niche or area of expertise and become a master of it.

You want to keep doing it over and over again and always be thinking how can I be better at it? How can I improve? How can I add more value?

Ask yourself that question, "How can I add more value today?" This week. Ask the Universe out loud, "Universe, How can I add more value to humanity today?"

The more value you add, the better you're going to be compensated for it. Your level of compensation is going to get bigger and better. Do it over and over and do it better every time until you master that area of expertise.

Your Challenge for this week!

If you hold a poor Self Image of yourself like "I'm not good enough, why would anyone want to listen to me? What do I have to teach? I don't like the way I look. I hate my voice, why would I do this, why would I do that... " All that is a poor self image and low self esteem and low self worth and guess what? you're probably getting rewarded really poorly. You can make a decision to change that TODAY.

It's time to have a better self image. It's time to believe that you have a lot of value to add to humanity because you came here with a gift to share with the world. YOU are good enough and there are always people below you that can learn from you. If you're serving someone today, you're going to make an impact in their day if you do it with a smile, with a good attitude VS a long face. Why not commit to that today?

Let's make that your call to action for today. Anyone you talk to or serve today, commit to doing it with a smile. With excellence, with good attitude so that you get compensated better for it. It's really exciting when you think about it because it all starts with your self image.

That image you hold of yourself needs to improve. When it improves, you're going to start adding more value which is going to make you better at what you do to get to mastery.

I hope you're feeling inspired to add value today! I hope you're feeling inspired to do an assessment in what your self image is and why you're getting compensated low or fair or abundantly and there's always another level you can go up to. I hope you're feeling very inspired to become better at what you do so that you can get to mastery.

Please remember to have a fantastic week, go all out for the things you need to do to increase your level of compensation!

Until the next one,

Stay well and play full out!

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Shyness Solutions

No one is ever born shy. It is our conditioning and our upbringing which determines what we become, who we become and the people who we surround ourselves with. The relationship with our parents, siblings, school teachers, and the other children we mixed with in the early years set the foundation for our self-image. How you value yourself as a person today is really just a reflection of how you were valued as a child. It is all learned behaviour. If your parents always told you to be quiet and scolded you for speaking up then this type of behaviour will become a part of your consciousness and later on in life in social situations, you are unconsciously living by these rules. It comes across as shyness and is a difficult habit to break.

Telling someone who is shy and unsure of themselves in social situations that they need to talk to people more would be similar to telling someone in a wheel chair that they need to just get up and walk. Shy people have sometimes experienced pain in the past and void getting up too close and personal with others in order to avoid pain in the future. It is similar to a mistreated animal who finds it hard to trust humans because of the way they have been treated by them in the past.

Another cause of shyness is self-consciousness. Some shy people believe that they have a physical blemish in some way. The cosmetics industry plays on this by taking advantage of everyone's insecurities. It is important to accept who you are and change the things which are within your control.

The simple solution to shyness is to get out and about more because shyness can also be the result of lack of social interaction with others and for most shy people this is a double whammy. They are less inclined to get involved in activities which will help bring them out of their shell.

Getting involved in a physical activity such as sport will help you forget yourself because in the moments when you are involved, your mind is on something other than yourself and helps you to express yourself and your emotions much the same way as an animal that has a fear of humans will lose that fear when you go near their young.

The sense of satisfaction of just completed a 5k road race or having just exceeded your personal best time give you a sense of satisfaction and well-being which promotes self-esteen. It all helps you to come out of your shell.

People do not develop social skills overnight. They are the result of years of trial and error and plenty of practice. Just like a marathon runner will not get fit after just a few training runs. To be socially at ease with others requires you to develop these skills and if you have bad experiences from dealing with people which has caused you to live a sheltered life then this is going to require plenty of effort on your part but it can be done.

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Killer Actions to Boost Your Self-Confidence

How To Be Confident

1. Groom yourself. This seems like such an obvious one, but it's amazing how much of a difference a shower and a shave can make in your feelings of self-confidence and for your self-image. There have been days when I turned my mood around completely with this one little thing.

2. Dress nicely. A corollary of the first item above... if you dress nicely, you'll feel good about yourself. You'll feel successful and presentable and ready to tackle the world.

3. Photoshop your self-image. Our self-image means so much to us, more than we often realize. We have a mental picture of ourselves, and it determines how confident we are in ourselves. But this picture isn't fixed and immutable. You can change it. Use your mental Photoshopping skills, and work on your self-image. If it's not a very good one, change it.

4. Think positive. One of the things I learned when I started running, about two years ago, what how to replace negative thoughts (see next item) with positive ones. How I can actually change my thoughts, and by doing so make great things happened. With this tiny little skill, I was able to train for and run a marathon within a year.

5. Increase competence. How do you feel more competent? By becoming more competent. And how do you do that? By studying and practicing. Just do small bits at a time. If you want to be a more competent writer, for example, don't try to tackle the entire profession of writing all at once. Just begin to write more. Journal, blog, write short stories, do some freelance writing. The more you write, the better you'll be. Set aside 30 minutes a day to write (for example), and the practice will increase your competence.

6. Change a small habit. Not a big one, like quitting smoking. Just a small one, like writing things down. Or waking up 10 minutes earlier. Or drinking a glass of water when you wake up. Something small that you know you can do. Do it for a month. When you've accomplished it, you'll feel like a million bucks.

7. Focus on solutions. If you are a complainer, or focus on problems, change your focus now. Focusing on solutions instead of problems is one of the best things you can do for your confidence and your career. "I'm fat and lazy!" So how can you solve that? "But I can't motivate myself!" So how can you solve that? "But I have no energy!" So what's the solution?

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Finding Our Own Voice

It's time! "Time for what?" you ask. It's time for us to take charge of our own lives and to take charge of building our own destiny through finding our own voice right now.

In finding our voice we find our own magic. And one of the many magical parts of finding our voice is that our leadership skills, self-esteem, and our self-confidence grows exponentially. With a vastly improved self-image, who knows how far we can wave our magic wand into the future? The bottom line is that good things start to happen once we find our voice and plant our feet.

Furthermore, once we find our own voice, we will also find it easier to stand taller on our own two feet. Standing taller on our own two feet is where the path of greatness begins. Once we do this, nature's breeze tends to push the weeds into leaning aside and thus opening up the path for us that we weren't previously able to see. Sadly, many won't ever be able to see this slightly hidden and less worn path.

I say let's run down that path at full speed on those two good legs of ours. Let's bellow out at the top of our healthy young lungs the joy that comes with finding our own voice and standing on our own two feet. Let's not hesitate. Let's move swiftly and with confidence.

Traveling down the less worn path that we have consciously chosen, will help us to become the one in our family tree that generations of offspring will remember as the one that turned this family around. Our future family dynasty will never again struggle with mediocrity. Instead, our future family dynasty will be a family full of life and full of life's possibilities.

Now teens, go learn, lead, and lay the way to a better world for all of us. Remember all the good that comes from finding your own voice and standing tall on your own two feet. And once again, thanks in advance for all that you do, and all that you will do...

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7 Tips to Improve Your Self-Confidence

It is first important to understand what self-confidence actually is. If you want to improve your self-confidence you must first understand it.

In simple terms Self-Confidence is: "A feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgment".

In short, it is the confidence that you can do things, have good qualities and can make the right decisions and calls when you need to.

The good news is that it's an easy process to improve confidence. By following the following simple tips, you can quickly change how you feel about yourself and improve your self-confidence.

1. Always Have a Positive Attitude

There's no doubt about it, those with a positive attitude enjoy greater success and happiness than others with a negative attitude. Much of how we feel is just a matter of perspective. It's how we view the world and how we think the world views us. If we have (and show) a negative attitude towards others, it prevents us from being happy, and has a negative effect on those we are close to, and other friends and associates. Having a positive attitude gives us confidence in ourselves and our abilities. We may not be perfect, nobody is! But we shouldn't let self-doubt and lack of confidence prevent us from leading full and happy lives. You can easily redirect your negative thoughts and frustrations into positive and steely determination to succeed.

2. Discover Who You Are!

You need to stop what you're doing, and start to try to understand who you are and what are your core principles. Many people have a negative image of themselves. Learn to honestly like yourself. If you're not yet the person you want to be, decide how realistically you can best achieve the qualities and abilities that you seek. Understanding yourself is first step towards building your self-confidence.

Find out who you are as person. Ask others who love you, or who are close to you, what are your best qualities. If our self-image is going to be dominated by what our mind perceives others think of us, let's make sure that we get the best and most important opinions, those who care about us! We may not be perfect, but we are important to others, and that's important. Understand your strengths and weaknesses, take a critical but positive look at yourself. You will find out who you really are, and can start to develop habits and qualities that will redirect you to where you want to go.

3. What Do You Fear?

Franklin D. Roosevelt famously said at his first presidential inauguration ceremony as 32nd President of the United States, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself".

A key reason for lack of self-confidence is fear. How can you feel confident in your abilities if you fear the outcome of your actions, or assume failure? So what is "failure", and what are our benchmarks and standards for success? Failure for many is a realisation that you may not have achieved the high standards, qualities or other parameters that you have set for yourself. You may have been undermined, bullied or intimidated in childhood, and this has damaged your self-image. You may have experienced a traumatic event which has impaired your self-confidence. For you to rebuild your self-confidence you need to identify exactly what it is that you fear. Once you have identified the root cause of your fear, you can start to move forwards. Fear only drags you back, overcoming fear is life enhancing. Sometimes you might need the assistance of a healthcare professional. Don't hesitate to seek this help if you need it.

4. Preparation and Reflection

It is lack of preparation that makes us feel insecure so to overcome this, you need to plan ahead to the point where you are no longer unsure of the outcome.

Having properly prepared will give you a more secure mindset, and this will relieve most of your insecurities about future events. It is very important to reflect on how you overcame any lack of a preparation, and this will help you to become more secure. This will boost your self-confidence, and remove self-doubt.

5. Become an action taker, not a procrastinator

Self-confidence is the product of positive action, self-doubt is the product of inaction and procrastination. So ignoring something important, finding other things to do which are less important (or procrastination) only feeds self-doubt.

Expand your comfort zone and try to take things one step at a time. Positive action to tackle issues head-on when they occur is one of the best ways to boost self-confidence.

6. Be kind to yourself

You don't deserve to torture yourself. Focusing on your flaws, and any negative aspects of your personality or abilities, will just make you feel worse, and serves no useful purpose. This can spiral into a self imposed world of negativity and an self-doubt. Human beings are flawed. We are bad at some things, and we are good at other things. The key is to always concentrate on the good things, and to praise yourself when you have achieved something useful or positive.

7. View failure as the wrong path to success

Everyone has experienced some failure in their lives. Even the most successful people have endured some failure, but successful individuals learn from failure They avoid that path in their future actions in business and their personal lives, and go on to achieve success. So you too can learn from your mistakes, and soon put yourself back on the road to success.

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You Must Build or Rebuild Your Self-Esteem or You Will Never Be Successful (By Matt Manero)

I know this first hand. I have fought against a low self-esteem my entire life. My birth father left my mother when I was 6 months old and I never saw nor heard from him again. My mother remarried my adopted father who loved me and I loved him. We still do. But he suffered from self-esteem issues too, and he took it out on my Mom, my sister and me. We were all called "stupid", "dump" "idiots" for most of my adolescent years. As a big kid, I endured many days on the playground by being called, "fat Matt". Odds are you have had similar unfortunate experiences. Our brains record it all and our self-esteem suffers because of it.

But you MUST overcome these cut downs and develop a positive self-esteem and self-image or success will always elude you. Positive self-esteem is what lifts us up after a defeat. It's the confidence we rely upon to keep on keepin' on. Unfortunately, many people never really master building or rebuilding their self-esteem. Here are some tips I have used that will help you get yours built back up.

1. It's not a curse... it's a blessing. Use the negative experiences you have faced as fuel to rebuild your self-esteem. Deep down, those negative experiences can drive you to success if you use them properly. Drop the blame, and remember the times when you were beat down as powerful. Prove your doubters wrong, don't allow them to be proven right.

2. Seek Mastery of something. When you are a master of something, it produces confidence. The key is to master something, anything. Learn to hit a golf ball 400 yards. Learn to play Billy Joel songs on the piano. Get in tip top shape via working out. Become a top notch cold caller in your sales career. Anything that proves that you took the time to focus on it, skill up, and therefore master it.

3. Do more of what you fear. Do more of what you fear most... LOTS MORE. Repetition is the mother of all skill and the more reps you can take the more you bury the fear and move closer to mastery the better. The key is MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF REPS. Once or twice is not enough. You need to take lots of swings at bat. If you are terrified of speaking, do more speaking. If you can't make a cold call, do more cold calls. Think of this like my friend Grant Cardone suggests in his book THE 10X RULE. Do everything with a factor of 10X to it.

4. Leverage your mastery. Put yourself in locations and situations for your mastery to shine. If you have mastered hitting a golf ball 400 years, then sign up for the company or industry golf tournament. You know that when you arrive on the first tee box, you will hit the ball farther than anyone, and others will be amazed. Therefore, your mastery will put you in a class to yourself, and people will want to be around you and invite you to be on their team. When you start a new job on the sales floor, be the person who can bang out 100 cold calls without blinking an eye. This will separate you on day one from the competition, and you will be looked at as a master. Sit at the piano when you are having drinks with clients and start playing Piano Man. Your clients will be impressed, and your self-esteem issue will go out the window. Invite your new date to the gym with you and let them see how many pull ups you can do and they too will be impressed. Your mastery must be used as constant fuel for you to continue to build or rebuild your self-esteem. Getting great at something gives you the confidence to get great at other things.

5. Help someone else. It's sad that so many people who are in a position to help whether it's a coach, a co-worker or even a parent, don't take more time to recognize self-esteem issues in others. Be that person, be the person that helps.

The topic of self-esteem is vital to your success. For some, the building or rebuilding process can be done quickly. For others, like me, it takes a long time. But either way, nothing is more worth the effort.

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Improving Your Self-Image

Who we are seems to be the most important issue in our life. Our personality is how the world knows us. It was created from the habits we learned beginning as a very young child. We developed those habits by the way people related to us, especially the significant people in our family. Also, the habits formed by the way we related to the external world helped teach us who we are. The personality is like the clothes we wear; it covers us so we are accepted.

Our self-image is how we relate to ourselves. This also was primarily developed by habits from our personality, but it is our self- image that is connected to the Wisdom of the Body. A conscious self-image was from conscious habits, where you were in the moment with a positive perspective. A conditioned self-image came from your conditioned habits and is not connected to inner wisdom. A conditioned self-image is not bad, but it is a negative self-image because of it's limitations in connecting to the moment. A conditioned or negative self-image makes your awareness stop at your habits. The conscious or positive self-image allows awareness to go beyond conditioning and connect to the Wisdom of the Body.

As an adult, we have a choice with what image we relate to: the one conditioned by our environment or a self-image consciously created connected to the Wisdom of the Body. When a person faces a challenge they were not taught to deal with, they will ideally create a conscious self-image. This is especially true when dealing with a chronic illness. The Wisdom of the Body has powerful inner resources to enable you to become an active partner with the doctor and not become a victim. This is also true in having a loving relationship, having a job that challenges you and having a quality life, regardless of what you do or own.

Most people are so identified with their conditioned self-image, they don't put energy into developing a new self-image. This can happen in many ways, but you need to be open to submit yourself to a change. A positive self-image can be developed in a loving relationship, a rewarding job or with many types of recognition in any part of a successful life. Success isn't limited to being wealthy, for many people who are wealthy do not live a quality life as a whole person.

It is possible to create a positive self-image when you are trapped in the world of your negative or conditioned self. If you look back in your past and identify with the most positive experience you remember, you will find a time where your body experienced the effect of a positive self-image. Unfortunately, that part of you wasn't reinforced over time, so you didn't create the habits needed for a positive self-image.

It is never too late to build on that experience and develop a new conscious self-image. In fact, sometimes it is essential to develop a positive one, even though your habits formed in the past may not reinforce this change. Having the new self-image to fit into your life, you need to consciously re-condition your sub-conscious mind. This can happen if you consciously connect to the new self-image before you go to sleep and upon awakening. This is when the doors to the sub-conscious are open and strong habits can be developed. It takes about ten days to develop a strong habit, so you have to do this conditioning in the morning and at night. To do this, recall the memory of that positive experience and feel it.

Here are the benefits of a conscious/positive self-image: In relationships, when the positive self of one person relates to the positive self of another person, there is a strong commitment. In a romantic relationship, the expression of the heart becomes very easy and the commitment becomes stronger. At work, you do your job more efficiently, more creatively and with a better attitude. In a spiritual sense, you have an easier time transcending to a depth beyond unfinished business and with a heartfelt approach connecting to God, or whatever you believe in. Basically, your conscious/positive self creates a high quality of life.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Improving-Your-Self-Image&id=9400868

7 Quick Tips To Boost Your Self-Esteem Today

Elevating your self-esteem cannot be done overnight, it's a long process of consistent work, effort and reminder.

Here's 7 quick tips to inject another boost of self-esteem.

Tip #1 Do Your Daily Affirmation Play

I have created two A4 size sheet of paper that contains the kind of self-image I perceive myself as and the kind of ideal person I want to become.

When you collect your cool inspirations, quotes, dreams, goals, values in a single sheet of paper and you read them aloud daily, you can affirm the self-image you want to hold for yourself.

It's an effective way to slowly shift your identity to someone you admire to become.

Tip #2 Re-Evaluate Your Social Circle

You become the average of the 5 people you hang out most with.

Be extremely selective as to who you allow to enter your life. Your associations are going to either raise you up or drag you down.

Dissociate from those negative ones. Limit your exposure to who those you can't get rid of. And increase your association time with those you respect, admire and learn from the most.

Tip #3 Be A Mentor For Someone

One of the greatest fulfillment in life is to be able to impart your knowledge, insights and wisdom into the next generation.

It's a beautiful thing to experience when you know you've taught someone a valuable skill and made a difference in their lives.

So find your mentee and teach them something. It's a win-win situation.

Tip #4 Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously

Being goal-oriented is necessary, you should definitely work hard to strive for what you want. But at the same time, don't forget to enjoy the little things during the process.

Have fun, be present in the moment, and chill out when things didn't work out.

Get yourself up, pat your back, and keep going.

Tip #5 Be More Selfish

Yes, YOU should be the most important person of YOUR LIFE.

Never deny your own needs, desires or wants just because someone think it's not good for you. As long as you're not causing harm to others, there's nothing wrong to go get what you want.

Stop being people-pleasing and give yourself the permission to serve yourself first.

At the end of the day, there's nothing good and productive about trying to take care of the world while abandoning your own well-being.

Tip #6 Raise Your Standards and Expect The Best

If you want to win, win big.

If you want to aim, aim high.

If you want to pursue, pursue excellence.

Push your boundaries, eliminate your excuses, leave your status quo of mediocrity.

Don't settle for less. Demand the best.

Tip #7 Take The Compliment

Never deny genuine compliments when you know you've done a great job.

You deserve praises.

Be gracious, accept the awards, take off your armor and let your awesomeness shine!

http://ezinearticles.com/?7-Quick-Tips-To-Boost-Your-Self-Esteem-Today&id=9516532

The Givers and Takers of the World (By Maram J)

What makes a person a giver or a taker? Is there a thick bold line between the two, or is it more muddled? Are women more biologically prone to giving -whether it is time, money or apologies?

The idea of 'give versus take' takes shape in all interactions and relationships of our personal and professional lives. We are either giving advice, making time for people, or being philanthropic in any way possible without any strings attached, or we are on the receiving end. We alternate between the two based on different situations we encounter on a daily basis, if not an hourly one. In other words, we are almost never always just givers or takers.

According to Adam Grant, a professor at the University of Pennsylvania and author of the groundbreaking book "Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success", most people fall under the category of matchers.

A matcher is someone who strives to tip the scales so that they are even, fair and just. They make careful observations on takers and make it a point for them to pay something back in order to tip the scales again. They basically hold tabs on who has done what for who, and hate to see people who act so generously towards others not receive any rewards. In fact, most matchers will go out of their way and do karma's job by promoting and supporting givers so that they can get the good they deserve.

Givers, on the other hand, have close to zero expectations from other people and are not bothered when their request for favors go unanswered by those who they went out of the way for. In his book, Grant explains that givers fall under the two opposite ends of the spectrum: they are either very successful people or can be found at the bottom of the ladder. Either way, givers often put themselves at risk for burning out or being taken advantage of and ultimately give a few sacrifices, tangible or not.

Is there a gender factor that plays a part in this?

A study led by Hannah Riley Bowles, a professor at Harvard University, focused on the role of our sex chromosomes on the idea of giving and taking. She asked 200 senior executives to sit down in pairs where one person would act as the boss and the other as an employee to negotiate salary promotions. Male 'employees' asked for an average salary of $146k while the females asked for 3% less -only $141k. But why did they not bargain as hard as the men? Simply because they were more inclined to be givers.

Another group of women, who acted as the 'employee's mentors', asked for an average salary of $167k. Why the big difference? Bowles concluded that these women's tactical use of aggression on the negotiating table was consistent with their self image as givers; they were each fulfilling their responsibilities to be mentors for other people.

So, would it be fair to say that all men are takers and all women are givers? Of course not. But are women more inclined to do so, perhaps due to theories of evolution and social conformations?

If we are to observe the history of the female role in society, we will see a commonality across all cultures and traditions. Before colonization, and in the Choctaw Native society, women were deemed with high respect due to their vital roles as caregivers for their families, communities and tribes. In fact, they were dignified to the extent where family lines followed that of the mother, and during tribal functions, the children would sit at the fire of their mother's family while the father sat at a separate one.

But history didn't stop there. Up until our modern day, most women are most likely to stay at home and care for their children while men go to work and earn the bread. Within a household, the mother is most likely to be the emotional giver, the one who her children confide in, the one who provides comfort, whether it is by preparing her husband's favorite meal or taking care of a sick child.

Does this mean that history has dictated that all women enjoy taking up the role of the giver? Or is it that men never had the chance to take it up? Or perhaps a little bit of both?

As a woman, I cannot deny that I do enjoy the act of giving up my time, my knowledge, and my care and attention to the people in my life, and more often than not, complete strangers. I don't expect anything in return, but I do tend to draw the line and pull myself away when I feel like I'm being taken for granted. I also tend to get upset when I see a loved one's continuous actions of kindness go unnoticed. So, it is safe to say that I am 50% giver, 35% matcher and 15% taker.

I do know someone, however, who is 99% giver. I don't know how they manage to stay sane, but they are constantly devoting their time, sharing valuable insights and going out of their way for everyone who crosses their path. They give, give and give and expect nothing in return, and although they have changed the lives of many people, they rarely see any of it returned. But the universe is slowly repaying them; they are now extremely successful, well known for what they do and admired for it, too.

So, maybe, no good deed ever goes undone?

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Givers-and-Takers-of-the-World&id=9332919

Codependency, Addiction, and Emptiness

 Emptiness is a common feeling, and there are distinct types of emptiness, but it's psychological emptiness that underlies codependency and addiction. Whereas existential emptiness is concerned with your relationship to life, psychological emptiness deals with your relationship to yourself. It's correlated with depression (A) and deeply related to shame.

Depression may be accompanied by a variety of symptoms, including sadness and crying, anxiety or restlessness, shame or guilt, apathy, fatigue, change in appetite or sleep habits, poor concentration, suicidal thoughts, and feeling empty.

Existential Emptiness

Existential emptiness is a universal response to the human condition - how we find personal meaning in the face of a finite existence. It's associated with "existentialism," named by philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre and grew out of the nihilism and alienation of post-World War II society. He described the nothingness and emptiness of living in a lonely, God-less and meaningless universe. It's primarily concerned with social alienation, spiritual bankruptcy, and our relationship to our life, society, and the world around us. This isn't viewed as a mental-health problem and doesn't lead to depression.

Buddhist Emptiness

The Buddhists teach extensively about emptiness, originating with Gautama Shakyamuni Buddha in the 6th B.C.E. Their concept is quite different from the ordinary understanding of the word. For rather being a painful emotional state, its full realization provides a method to end pain and suffering and reach enlightenment. Fundamental is the idea that there is no intrinsic, permanent self. The Mahayana and Vajrayana schools go further to believe that the contents of consciousness and objects are also empty, meaning that phenomena lack a substantial, inherent existence, and have only relative existence.

The Cause of Psychological Emptiness

For codependents, including addicts, their emptiness comes from growing up in a dysfunctional family devoid of sufficient nurturing and empathy, referred to by psychiatrist James Masterson as abandonment depression. (B) Codependents experience this to varying degrees. They suffer from self-alienation, isolation, and shame, which can be masked by the behaviors that accompany addiction, including denial, dependency, people-pleasing, control, caretaking, obsessive thoughts, compulsive behavior and feelings such as anger and anxiety.

Chronic failure to receive adequate empathy and fulfillment of needs in childhood can profoundly affect our sense of self and belonging in adulthood. Physical separation or emotional abandonment from parents in childhood impacts how as adults we experience being alone, the ending of a relationship, death, or other significant loss. Sadness, loneliness, and/or emptiness, can activate feelings of shame and vice versa. Often, these early deficits are exacerbated by additional trauma, abuse, and abandonment later in adolescence and adult relationships. After a loss, we can feel like the world has died, representing a symbolic death of our mother or of the self, and be accompanied by feelings of emptiness and nothingness.

Searching for wholeness through addiction and others provides only temporary relief from emptiness and depression and further alienates us from ourselves and a solution. This strategy stops working when the passion of a new relationship or an addictive high wanes. We're disappointed; our needs go unmet; and loneliness, emptiness, and depression return. We may long for the initial passionate, vibrant relationship. Unbearable anxiety and emptiness intensify when we try to detach from an addictive relationship, when we're alone, or when we finally stop trying to help, pursue, or change someone else. Letting go and accepting our powerlessness over others can evoke the same emptiness that addicts experience when giving up drugs or a process addiction.

Shame and Emptiness

Prolonged shame is coupled with psychological emptiness, whether felt as restlessness, a void, or a hunger to fill it. For some, it's felt as deadness, nothingness, meaninglessness, or a constant undertone of depression, and for others, these feelings are felt periodically - vaguely or profoundly, usually elicited by acute shame or loss. Many traumatized codependents hide a "deep inner hell that often is unspeakable and unnamable," a "devouring black hole," which when contrasted with their hollow and empty persona, create a divided self, "massive despair and the sense of broken reality." (C) Addicts and codependents often feel this depression when stopping an addiction, including the ending of even a brief close relationship. Same, guilt, doubt, and low self-esteem typically accompany loneliness, abandonment, and rejection.

Internalized shame from childhood colors loss and separation- as revealed in a stanza of a poem I wrote at 14: "Yet from day to day man is doomed, his sentence is what others see. Every move is judged and thus an image forms, but man is a lonely creature." The "image" refers to my self-image etched in shame and loneliness. Thus, when we're alone or inactive, we may quickly fill our emptiness with obsession, fantasy, or negative thoughts and self-persecutory judgments. We might attribute loneliness and unrequited love to our unworthiness and unlovability. This perpetuates our assumption that if we were different or didn't make a mistake, we wouldn't have been abandoned or rejected. If we respond by isolating more, shame can increase, along with depression, emptiness, and loneliness. It's a self-reinforcing, vicious circle.

Additionally, self-shaming and lack of autonomy deny access to our real self and the ability to manifest our potentialities and desires, further confirming the belief that we can't direct our life. We miss out on joy, self-love, pride, and realizing our hearts' desire. This reinforces our depression, emptiness, and hopeless beliefs that things will never change and that no one cares.

The Solution

Whether we have existential or psychological emptiness, the solution begins with facing the reality that emptiness is both inescapable and unfillable from the outside. We must humbly and courageously assume responsibility for ourselves, live authentically, and become who we are - our true self. This gradually heals codependency and is the antidote for the depression, emptiness, and meaninglessness that result from living for and through others. 

(A) Clive G. Hazell, "A scale for measuring experienced levels of emptiness and existential concern,"Psychological Reports, 1984, 117, no. 2 (1984): 177-182.

(B) James F. Masterson, The Search for the Real Self - Unmasking the Personality Disorders of our Age (New York: The Free Press, A Division of MacMillan, Inc., 1988), 59.

(C) Leon Wurmser, "Abyss calls out to abyss": Oedipal shame, invisibility, and broken identity," The American Journal of Psychoanalysis Vol 63, no. 4, Dec. 2002.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Codependency,-Addiction,-and-Emptiness&id=9465539

How To Boost Your Self-Image Fast

In his bestselling book <The Psycho-Cybernetics>, Maxwell Maltz once said that, "The self-image is the key to human personality and human behavior. Change the self-image and you change the personality and the behavior."

When you develop a positive self-image, your confidence will soar and so as your ability to handle new situations.

The best thing is that the world tends to accept the self-image you place on yourself.

When you have a strong, positive, self-believing self-image, others are going to accept that frame of mind and behave differently for you.

The first step to increasing your self-image is to know yourself.

Know thyself, Socrates intelligently said.

Not only do you need to understand your current skill levels, strengths and abilities, you also want to determine your weaknesses, disadvantages, trigger points so you can improve upon.

Never beat yourself up for discovering the ugly side of yourself. Flaws can always be turned into gifts if you work on them long enough.

Also, determine what parts about you are most crucial and urgent to change and focus all your energy on those areas.

There probably are aspects you don't concern that much and won't have significant effect on your self-image. Ignore those.

You want to concentrate all your power to change those with most leverage and impact.

And frankly, sometimes you should just accept those insignificant parts of your personality and move on to greater things.

Change is a constant. Success is change.

If you don't feel good about the current version of yourself, you must be willing to overcome the inertia of staying in the status quo and step up to take the tough challenges of changing your identity.

It's NOT going to be easy I guarantee. Our brain will do everything to sabotage your intention to change because of homeostasis. It always wants to make things as stable as possible.

But you do want to boost your self-image right? Then you must commit to taking consistent small imperfect actions to slowly shift your set point. It's totally worth it.

One of the fastest ways to boost your self-image is to upgrade your style.

Yes, I am talking about upgrading how you look, how you dress and how you present yourself even BEFORE you speak and meet any people.

Upgrading your looks and outfits is a huge challenge to most of us because we are not used to seeing our sexy, handsome, beautiful selves.

So if you can afford an image consultant, hire them and let them design a better style for you.

Want to know the secrets why most celebrities are so confident?

It's because those image consultants are trained to make people look good, feel good and develop massive self-love and confidence.

It's an uncomfortable process when you dress differently, but it's the fastest way to embrace a new identity and boost your self-esteem.

Remember that elevating your self-image is a process of change.

Stop living your life based on what others believe, like or think.

Stop comparing your back stage with successful people's front stage.

Stop pleasing others and sacrificing your own happiness.

You are the only person who knows what's best for you.

It's up to you to uplift your self-image and raise the standards of the game you're playing at.

When you change, everything changes. When you improve, every aspect of your life will improve.

I look forward to a newer, better, greater version of you soon.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Boost-Your-Self-Image-Fast&id=9524418

Enjoy Life to the Fullest

Enjoy life to the fullest, it has an expiration date. Life today should mean pleasure, but our modern concept of living is often just the reverse; negative in concept and implying the resignation of one's self-image. Modern living often means abandoning satisfaction because of a phantom called "twentieth-century anxieties".

"Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; live life to the fullest; make the most of what you have. It is later than you think." ~Horace

Life should be a happy vocation. People should be useful to themselves and to others. Pleasure must be part of us; like our heart, our eyes, our hands, and our feet. It should know no race, no creed, no colour, no status, no age. The good feelings to life belong to us and there is no moral aspect to it except that it is immoral for people to fester in unhappiness. "Live life to the fullest because you only get to live once".

By forgetting the mistakes of the past, you can live each day to the full. You can find pleasure in working, in living, in friendship, and every other aspects of your life, if you feel that you have a right to enjoy yourself. I am not a great believer in sin, but if there is sin, it is for people who sit around, finding fault with themselves for the mistakes they have made; mistakes which are only human. "A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing" ~George Bernard Shaw

There are so many people who waste the wonderful power of their imaginations and torturing themselves with their past blunders. It is sad but true that many of us who blame ourselves so severely have in reality led lives characterized by hard effort and a constant attempt to be decent human beings; yet we give ourselves no rights.

When we criticize ourselves, we deny ourselves pleasure. Yet we have the right to feel free of fear, to feel free of guilt; to feel pleasure. In order to enjoy our lives to the fullest we have to find resolution within our minds to be happy. It is a victory of one's positive thinking-imagining forces over negative thinking-imagining forces. We prepare ourselves to enjoy our lives as we strengthen our images of ourselves each day. We live vitally, allowing ourselves pleasure because we feel that we deserve it. "I have decided that no matter what is happening in my life, I will choose to be happy! Not because everything is perfect, but because I deserve it".

Through strengthening your self-image, through seeing yourself at your best, through encouraging your success instincts, you can create pleasure for yourself. But the unfortunate fact is that many people do not feel that it would be fair for them to be happy. They do not feel they deserve it, and they use rationalizations to explain their misery:

If only they had money...

If not for that financial catastrophe...

If that accident hadn't happened...

If not for that childhood disease which only they had contracted...

A tragic event from the past is dredged up and used to explain all the pain, all the lack of their pleasure in life. But what they don't realize is that everyone knows tragedy, everyone knows pain; fate didn't single them out for punishment. Successful, happy people know pain, too, but they just keep pushing forward through pain to pleasure. "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain".

Imagine a man sits at his desk; he is an executive for a large company. His desk is full of menus, letters, contracts, and other papers. Two lights on the side of his telephone flicker on and off, indicating people waiting to talk to him. He is in conference with two men who sit, waiting for his attention. He looks at his appointment book and notes that another vital conference is set for this day, and he must devote a few hours to a project which is behind schedule, and also he must dictate letters to A, B, C,...

The enormity of these pressures might overwhelm many of us. "It is too much for us" we'd say. But not this man. He feels pleasure and he enjoys doing it. He refuses to let a daunting imagination ruin his effectiveness. Instead he sees in his mind the successes that his day will bring. He Turns warmly to his visitors, listens attentively, does his best to respond to their needs and demands. He answers the phone, and getting to the heart of communicating instantly, returns to his visitors. He tells them what action he intends to take on the matters under discussion, dictates a message into a machine, turns back to them to ask if they are happy with his decisions. They are, and he ushers them to the door, shaking hands warmly. Nothing phony, simple pleasure in a direct, effective moving toward goals. This man projects his imaginations into action in a positive way. He accepts his right to feel happy and be successful. Many people fill their minds with destructive, depressing thoughts; and pleasure is caught in a squeeze in which it is crushed. They worry about disasters that never or rarely happen. The feelings of happiness and satisfaction from their work are not tolerated, and they obviously cannot function in the successful way that this executive does. They do not enjoy their work; they do not enjoy their life either. "We call pleasure the alpha and omega of a blessed life. Pleasure is our first and kindred good" ~ Epicuru

We must enjoy our lives to the fullest. We can feel pleasure in our every day of living. We can sing in the shower and feel musical thoughts in our minds and generosity in our hearts. It is a question, basically, of what we will allow ourselves. We must not block the attainment of our legitimate satisfactions. No years can be creative if we deny ourselves the principle of happiness and enjoying our lives to the fullest.

If you think positive, any sound becomes music, any move becomes dance, any smile becomes laughter, and the entire life becomes a huge celebration. So always think positive and live your life happy to its fullest

We all have been given one life to live. Live every moment of life because you don't know what is going to happen on the very next moment. Make the most of every opportunity that crosses your path. Reach out for newer, richer, deeper, life-changing experiences. And use those experiences as a means for personal growth and pushing the boundaries of yourself mentally, spirituality, and intellectually for the betterment of yourself and the world at large.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Enjoy-Life-to-the-Fullest&id=9477143

4 Tips To Improve And Boost Your Self-Confidence

Many people today believe that having self-confidence has something to do with ones accomplishments or societal status. Others think it has something to do with having a certain kind of body, the way one looks or even how popular they are with friends and society in general. The idea of self confidence is perhaps one that women need a lot of clarity on because often times we see promotions on what new thing to get, which make-up to use and which "fix you up" products that are all supposed to magically give you an increased sense of self-worth and greater confidence. But does any of this really work?

Personally I know it doesn't work at all for I started off trying to get rid of my insecurities, self-loathing and criticism by buying all the best things I could find to enhance my beauty and confidence.

What experience has shown me, which numerous researches conducted can now confirm is that nothing can increase your self-esteem and self- confidence. Your happiness, fulfillment and overall well-being is very much limited or expanded by your level of confidence and self-esteem. No external thing therefore can truly bring you joy and fulfillment or that sense of deserving except a belief in your own value, which is always determined by your level of inner confidence, and belief in your own Self.

In our modern and rapidly developing society where material possessions are considered a standard measure of value, more and more people are secretly battling with this idea and try to mask whatever emotions they might have by working harder than ever to get more stuff, bigger accolades and more social recognition in the hopes that this will in some way fill the inner void that continues to brew.

This is the worst way to build your success or your self-esteem because none of the outer possessions no matter how good will ever satisfy you or even last very long. They aren't meant to add or complete you where you feel a lack, when we use them for such, we welcome all the evils that divine teachings have warned us against.

What is self-confidence and where does it come from?

Confidence is defined as the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on something or someone. Self-confidence then is the feeling or belief that you can have faith in and rely on your Self.

It all comes from the Self and the error we have made far too many times is in making our capacity, abilities and sense of worth dependent on something other than self. Which brings me to the first point I wish to drive home, the self is the real, infinite and eternal you. But that self-experiencing your current life is under a certain belief, idea, concept about who and what it is. This idea is called self-image. It is the image of self that your mind has believed and defined as you. If this image is healthy and built or a right foundation then you have a great thriving lifestyle because your confidence is booming which means you're deliberately designing and generating the kind of conditions rolling out in your life. However if for one reason or another you didn't form a healthy and true image of self, then real confidence and belief in yourself is something you struggle with which naturally reflects on the quality of life you get to experience on a daily basis.

For the most part, we see all the erred views on self-confidence and self-esteem stemming out of this false paradigm and approach to the self, which causes people to look to the external rather than to the self for a strong, confident and a high sense of value and worth as human individuals simply from just "being" instead of doing or having a particular thing.

The difference between a person who's got a good healthy self-confidence and one who doesn't isn't about how they physically look, what they have or the kind of accomplishments they've made. It's a deeper more profound knowledge and understanding as well as complete appreciation and embracing of all that they are. One of the question's I get asked the most is: What can I do to increase my level of confidence? Here are a few ways:

1. Disentangle your real Self from your conceptions of self

The great endeavour we all need to frequently do as we often get lazy and get pulled back into mass kind of thinking is to disentangle the real Self from the beliefs attached to the self. The "I" in you is the real Self and is not the idea of you that you've formed throughout your lifetime. Your real Self is independent of all the conditions, labels and attachments you developed while on earth. It is this self that gives you life and makes it possible for you to even read this now.

This same self is the one you must learn to believe in, have faith and rely on implicitly. But since many people have no idea how to access or live from this self, the outside alternatives have continued to be promoted because humanity has long gotten used to the idea of looking for power outside in the world of effects. We find it difficult to trust in what is beyond our intellect and yet we can feel that all things tangible are limited. Your self-confidence will increase greatly when you learn to tap into your real Self and live from that authentic and infinitely powerful aspect of your existence.

2. Learn the truth about perfection and imperfection

Mankind has gotten so used to the idea of being imperfect. It's drilled in almost all schools of life and the idea of perfection has been given such a bad humanistic and almost vain taste that stating it here I know will arouse the criticism of the uninitiated minds. But the truth always stands and it is that you are perfect! You were born perfect and that's why you innately feel as though you need to express it.

Because you are spiritually perfect, there is no need to ever believe that something needs to be added or fixed. No need to ever believe that you need to seek it because being already perfect, the process of human living is the progressive unfolding and evolving of that inherent perfection. Start viewing yourself as such and life will show you just how perfect you can be as long as you continue progressively moving forward with ease and confidence in who you really are.

3. Discover the biggest war zone in the world and heal it

This is a big one for most people everywhere. Do you know that one of the biggest and hardest habits to break for the human being is that of self-judgment? Neuroscience found this to be one of the most detrimental habits most people indulge in almost unconsciously.

Within your mind is an ever on-going conversation about everything you are experiencing and especially about yourself. This conversation needs to be guarded and reshaped to reflect the kind of lifestyle you wish to manifest before you can hope to have it as your reality. If that conversation is only fault-finding, blaming, arguing and criticizing it will be very difficult for you to ever feel good enough or worthy of a good life. People spend so much time worried about the outside world while if only they could go quiet and listen in, they would soon discover a similar war going on internally.

4. Learn to embrace

Embrace all of you. Not just the good parts but all of you... Ambiguity is natural to you because you exist as Body - Mind - Spirit. When you discover the kind of image you have attached to your "I", it's probable you'll even feel ashamed that you attached such a disgraceful belief to yourself and let it define who you are. We all experience that - but what you need to know is that it doesn't really matter anymore as long as you're now awake and ready to take action and create an image that truly reflects the kind of person you want to be. Hiding, feeling ashamed or guilty over the things you discover from your old beliefs and mindset does nothing except harm you and keep you stuck.

Don't forget these are just a few tips on a very deep topic that every individual needs to work on intimately because it makes all the difference in the quality of life. I have a lot more on this topic and you can have more access in greater details of ways to help you recreate your self-image.

Above all else, understand that changing your self-image and improving your confidence requires time and consistent practice because it's a major factor in mastery of self. As with all things, the mastery requires certain consistent effort and practice to be invested before the great harvest can be enjoyed. But every step along the way will already move you closer to your ultimate goal and small manifestations that help you track your progress will always be noted so keep working at it, start with these simple ideas and trust that you are all it takes to be this new you that you want to bring into physical reality.

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