Real Happiness For You (By Lawrence J. Danks)

"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. " - The Dalai Lama

Get Started Finding Happiness and Success

Truly happy people can be more effective people. No matter what your current situation is, you can be happier, learn how to motivate yourself, put yourself on a positive and realistic road to success, or reinvent yourself into the kind of person you want to be.

This website includes multiple segments of guided readings. This is followed by three of my books:

- Your Unfinished Life - Finding Happiness and Success Through Kindness

- For College Students: You and Your Future - a career and job hunting guide for college students

- It's a Matter of Life and Death: Growing Up in a Funeral Home and What I Learned Since - finding happiness, curing curiosity about funeral homes, helping those facing serious illness, aiding those who are grieving from loss of a loved one and seeking recovery

Take notes and jot down any ideas you get along the way. These resources are simply a starting point to set goals for yourself and to improve your outlook and your life.

Many outstanding happiness and success works are cited here. It's important to experience them yourself by reading from the original sources. The tests contained in some of them are valuable and are an essential element in knowing how to move forward more effectively. Also, what I've read and summarized, may not be as relevant as something else you would see that would speak more directly to you in an original work.

It's my hope that you will refer others to this site through your associations, and through social media, so that the information here may help them too. Check back in periodically. The site will be augmented and revised on a continuing basis.

Using These Resources

1. Follow through the material sequentially (which I'd recommend) Under each heading, read the introductory material, then click on the readings in order.

or

2. Scan the list of segments and select one. Some may not have the time to complete all the reading that's contained here, so if necessary, click on particular sections that interest you. While my goal is to have everyone get the full benefit of all that's contained here, I'd rather have visitors derive some value than none.

The best way to think of these resources is that they are intended to be a "bridge builder", leading you to further detailed and customized study that will help you learn more about yourself and lead to other educational experiences, and also to professionals, who are highly trained and experienced to help you. Reference to the resources shown below is only the first step. It is not an end in itself.

It's important to your success to seek out a variety of opinions. By the time you finish, you will have had many, including mine. But that's not enough. You need to consult with people who know you best and also with others who are familiar with areas you have an interest in. All the advice you're going to get from others is not going to be good. You might also not agree with all of it either. Just take it all in and evaluate it as you go along. Keep an open mind too.

The benefit of these resources, and any further courses of action it leads you to, can only be determined by the actual steps you take to improve your life. Just reading about it, while highly worthwhile in creating the proper motivation and frame of mind to help you move forward, is no substitute for setting meaningful goals and actually doing something to accomplish them.

How long should you keep at this?

Keep these two thoughts in mind as you go through life:

<I>Plan To Live To Be A Hundred</I>

The famous motivational speaker, Dr. Robert Schuller, said that this is the proper time reference. (It makes no difference how long you actually live.) The idea is to always have personally relevant goals, or a project, for as long as you live. This will give your life meaning - and meaning helps produce happiness and a feeling of success. (A feature on "Sixty Minutes" indicated that the population segment over ninety years old is the fastest growing one in the country. It's projected to quadruple in the coming decades. You might not make it to a hundred, but you might still get to be a nonagenarian!)

You're Never Done

"How will you know when your work is done?" The answer: "If you're still breathing, you're not done yet."

Always have goals, and keep at them, even if at age ninety, it's simply to speak with two friends a week, check Google News (if it's still around by then), take care of your pet, tend to your herb garden, and fill the bird feeders every other day. Keep Renoir's last words in mind: "I am still progressing."

The famed British polar explorer Sir Ernest Shackleton is buried on South Georgia Island in the South Atlantic, a region where, in his failure to reach the South Pole, he arguably set the standard for leadership, engendering loyalty, and team building. If you ever feel that you've have taken about as much as you can, or that you have failed at something and don't feel good about it, read Shackleton's Boat Journey by Frank A. Worsley, the captain of Shackleton's ship Endurance. It will hold you spellbound, and in awe, about how much human beings can face and still come out on top, no matter how long the odds are, even though they may not have reached the goals they initially set for themselves.

And what about the "You're Never Done?" part. Let it be said of you, as it was of Shackleton:

"Never the lowered banner, never the last endeavor." Keep fighting until the end. There is much in you to give and a great example you can set for others

Questions

I've taught over fifteen thousand college students and over five thousand real estate school students, have diversified work experience, combined with counseling of students, and have done extensive reading on topics relevant to this site. It has helped others. It can help you too. While I've created this resource bank to assist you, I am not a career counselor, course advisor, psychologist, medical practitioner or attorney. Such questions should be referred to appropriate professionals for assistance.

Recommended Books to Keep You Going

Authentic Happiness - Martin Seligman

Flourish - Martin Seligman

50 Success Classics - Tom Butler-Bowdon

The Happiness Curve - Jonathan Rauch

The Positive Shift: Mastering Mindset to Improve Happiness, Health, and Longevity - Catherine Sanderson

The How of Happiness - Sonya Lybormirsky

Peak - Secrets From The New Science of Expertise - Anders Ericsson and Robert Pool

The Power of Habit - Charles Duhigg

Grit - Angela Duckworth

Blink - Malcolm Gladwell

Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience - Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi

Happiness: Unlocking The Mysteries of Psychological Wealth - Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener

Thrive - Arianna Huffington

Proceed to remaining topics in the directory at the top of the website page.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Real-Happiness-For-You&id=10072918

Shadow Love - Finding Unity Within Ourselves

Unity, such a beautiful word. During these times of deep division, many of us have been calling for it. But, let's face it, it can be hard to find common ground with those we call our enemies. At a time when it might feel easy to dehumanize, condemn, or 'cancel' those whom we judge, why on Earth would we want unity?

It's all very understandable - this 'us and them' mentality. Yet, our lack of unity leaves us polarized. And it's difficult, if not impossible, to move forward when we're feeling polarized.

Now I'm not suggesting that we befriend or agree with everyone. Rather, what I am suggesting is that we seize this moment to befriend those parts of ourselves which we've condemned, hidden, neglected, and judged. It's when we make peace with ourselves that we find it easier to find peace with others.

We all live with some degree of inner polarization. It shows up as that struggle to accept ourselves just as we are. That habit of hiding who we really are. The masks we wear to please and impress. The lies we tell to save face.

However, it's when we reintegrate the shadowy places within us, that we find profound inner peace.

Sometimes we're so afraid of our shadows, we'll do everything possible to get away from them. But, alas, we can't outrun our shadows. Avoidance won't make them disappear. In fact, they usually come back even stronger, popping into our lives when we least expect it. As long as we're driven to avoid our shadows, they will continue to sabotage our lives.

It's when we turn to embrace our shadows, that they help us transform our lives.

During times of stress, it's easy to fall back into our shadow patterns. Those habits, behaviors, and moods, we'd rather not admit to. So, what if, instead of judging ourselves, we pause to notice what's happening. As painful as it might feel, our shadows are calling for healing. When we move into acceptance, we can take a deeper dive to see what's hiding beneath the surface.

So, how do we embrace what we don't want to embrace? How do we feel compassion for a part ourselves that we truly dislike?

A good start is to approach our shadows as we would a scared child. When we approach ourselves with gentleness, compassion, and non-judgement, we can listen on a deeper level. This simple act of compassion helps illuminate what's truly needed to feel better, happier, and empowered to transform our lives.

It takes time, and commitment to work with our shadows. But it's worth it. EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting are particularly helpful tools in shadow work.

Peace,

https://ezinearticles.com/?Shadow-Love---Finding-Unity-Within-Ourselves&id=10421147

There Is an Upside to Failure

Why Failure is Not the End

Sometimes when we fail we feel it is the end of the world. There is not one person on the planet Earth that has never failed in his life. The truth is that everyone fails once or many times in their life. You are not alone in this process of failing. It is normal to fail with your business, or your lover, or your friends. But, when you will fail, keep in mind that you are not alone in this and that you should keep moving forward.

There is a reason behind every failure

Failing is all about learning. It is all part of the process - the learning to move forward. Think of Albert Einstein to tried 1001 times to create the light-bulb. His vision and sense of purpose failed him forward.

It isn't always fun when things don't work out the way we planned. It is totally normal to feel de-motivated, without any enthusiasm and willingness to keep going in one thing that you have really want to feel some sense of purpose.

You know how they say: "If you fail 9 times, the 10th time will be a successful one"! The process of failing is difficult.

However, when you fail, feelings of disappointment, why try, de-motivation are seemed real. But, before you decide not to again try, keep in mind that failing is not the end.

When you think that you are on something, fail forward, work with enthusiasm, vision, and purpose, the end results will be what you expected.

Failure is Purposeful

It is often difficult to keep up the motivation. Your sense of purpose can seem illusory as if dreaming. It exists to remind you of what you really want from your life, career, relationship and friendship. When you envisage your dreams as purposeful, a spark of motivation and enthusiasm increases. Your heart is starting to beat faster and faster. You are feeling alive again!

All this is because your vision is an open door to your inner wisdom. Even if you fail once another path will be shown waiting for you just around the corner.

Nothing is lost, you just need to give yourself a chance to keep in your mind's eye all the situations you want to see, when everything seems so negative and without any sense of purpose.

You will feel tired of pushing yourself and stay motivated. Do not worry, nothing is lost.

Whenever you are unsure of what direction to take time to sit quietly. Ask your most pressing question and sit in your heart. Breathe deeply into your heart space, a place of knowing. Through practice you will change your neural pathways into a more coherent state. As well, the answer will come without all the negative self talk we often tell ourselves.

https://ezinearticles.com/?There-Is-an-Upside-to-Failure&id=10032650

Making Good Choices

Daily, our choices make us who we are. What, where and who we are is the sum of all those choices added together to right now. Now is such an important concept. Now is the only time that you have the chance to go out and get exactly what you are looking to achieve. There is no promise of tomorrow. To do this you must realize you have everything you need right now. Stop waiting for that something to happen because it never will until you make it happen.

Goals are meant to be achieved. This fruit that we bear because someone has dreamt. The way to achieve the goal is by going after the challenges. Decide that you are going to start today. The best way to do this is to build your mind. The best way to build your mind is to learn. Books, mentors, seminars, conferences and everyday life has a beautiful offering of ways to learn.

We are all given challenges. Those challenges are meant to be overcome. Know in your heart of hearts that you can achieve. These obstacles are the hard parts of life that become beautiful memories. Even in death. Think to someone you knew. When you think of them bring to the surface the great memories you have of them. Know those people that have come before wanting us to move forward in the best fashion. That means to live your life fully no matter what. Do not let their passing go unnoticed. You are perfect to know the lesson those people wanted to share with the world. Share their message.

Our actions will prove what direction that we want to go. Act. Think. Act again. Be the best that you can be. There are no more excuses to be sitting around. Are people calling you insane by your actions? Then you aren't succeeding unless that answer is yes. I enjoy acting. You will enjoy acting. We must put in the work together to become the person we know is inside.

Your dreams? Do you have dreams? Guess what? That dream is yours. Stop coming up with excuses. Write that book. Make that music. Build that company. Network until you make it happen. Invest everything you must become the person you want to become. Time, money and effort are only human thoughts. Do what you must to make your dream come into this life and humanity will thank you for it.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Making-Good-Choices&id=9825603

The Empty Suitcase (By Ruth Bruegger)

It was a typical day in my life. I went to my storage unit to retrieve a suitcase for my husbands impending business trip. I reached above my head to pull down what I thought was an empty suitcase and then it happened.

The suitcase was full of things much to my dismay. This mistake sent me on a physical rehabilitation journey. At the time little did I know this is exactly what I needed to make me stop and reflect on my life.

When I was recovering from my injury I had time to think. I was thinking of my adult child who blamed me for her life. I was thinking about all my failures as a young parent. I was thinking about how my immaturity may have hurt my children growing up.

I was convinced that everything my adult children did that was not in their best interest was my fault. It must be because I made so many mistakes I could not count. I did keep a roof over the heads and food in their mouth.

I didn't call them in sick to school and I wouldn't let them skip school. I thought that having a clean room was right up there with determining whether you succeed or fail in life.

I was a fallen christian, a damaged human being who was not good enough for her own children. At twenty years old and divorced with four children in a time period where a woman was little more than a second class citizen I picked myself up.

I got an education and worked at odd jobs and finally full time. I learned to be strong or at least wear armor for the indignities that I put up with. I worked and lived in a mans world. I couldn't let anyone see me weak after all that was unacceptable.

My son was talking to me and I finally confided him my feelings and how proud I was that despite me how great of a parent he was. That is when he said a sentence that resonated to my soul.

He said, "Mom, you sure are carrying around a heavy empty suitcase, all of your children came from the same house, all of your children are adults and make their own decisions and their own mistakes."

Ironic he would use a suitcase as a metaphor. I was finally free that day to move forward and so my son set me free and became my friend.

Let it go whatever weighs you down and enjoy the present for that is all you have.

https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Empty-Suitcase&id=9327182

Spring Cleaning Your Mind

Spring is here, and many people are beginning the process of cleaning projects around the house. Some may even be doing internal cleaning with a colon and liver cleanse.

Although there are definitely huge benefits for cleaning up your physical environment, there are even greater benefits to cleaning up your mind. You don't have to spend 5 minutes watching the news to see all of the fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs that are prevalent in our world, and sometimes we feel overwhelmed and incapable of making a difference or changing things. But I assure you, we can.

And it all starts with changing our mind.

One of my relationship coaching clients started working with me because her husband had cheated on her and she was deciding how to move forward and needed some support. She was ashamed to talk to some of her friends about it, and the ones she did tell immediately took sides... which was in no way helping her to make a clear decision.

On one hand she loved this man. He was the father of her children, her best friend, the co-creator of their beautiful life together. But on the other hand, how could he have done this to her? To humiliate her and completely disregard their family like that? She felt like she was being ripped in two.

My first step with a client is typically to get a clear vision of where we are heading, but she was unable to start there. I needed to help her clear her mind completely so that she could hear the voice of her own soul.

I gave her a guided 15-minute meditation to practice daily. After the first week she was aggravated and declared it had been the worst week ever! She had gone from tears to anger to disbelief to revenge. I told her that was great because it meant she was working through her grief process. She just needed to trust the process and keep to her daily meditation.

By the second week she was starting to feel a bit more peaceful and centered. She was beginning to accept that what was done was done. That's when I asked her how she got him to cheat on her. WHAT? Yes, you heard me correctly. You see the one thing I know for sure about relationships is that when all of your needs are being met by your relationship there is no reason to go looking anywhere else. It took a moment for that to sink in, but once it did she was able to take responsibility for how she contributed to the breakdown in their marriage. It also allowed her to start seeing the possibilities in how she could make things better.

Our turning point came at week three when she decided that she wanted to forgive her husband and transform their marriage into a loving, connected, fun filled, and romantic adventure. Yay! We did it. We had clarity of direction, and the real work could begin... and boy did it! You'll be happy to know that it's three years later and they are living happily ever after.

Clearing the mind is a necessity for anyone who wants to experience the life of their dreams.

You can't decide on where you are going based on past pain, misery, or confusion. You must find a way to let go of all of that, and center yourself in peace so that you can hear the sweet voice of your soul's truth.

If you've been wondering how to spring clean your mind, do not fear... I am gifting you the very same meditation I gave my client three years ago. It was a gift to me many years ago from my teacher Alexander Everett, the father of the human potential movement. I have been using this meditation daily for many years and have shared it with my students and clients who love it as much as I do.

Your 21 Day Spring Cleaning Mind Challenge:

Commit to practicing this Centering meditation every day for the next 21 days. It is only 15 minutes long. It is best to practice at the same time every day. It doesn't really matter if that is first thing in the morning, at lunchtime, before bed, or anytime in between... just pick a time and stick to it. When the universe notices you are committed to showing up every day the miracles start happening.

At the end of the challenge you will have cleared through much of your mental garbage, and you will find yourself feeling lighter, peaceful, and inspired. I'll be anxious to hear how it went, so please let me know your results at the end of your 21 Day Spring Cleaning Mind Challenge.

It's nice to have a buddy to share the journey with, so please feel free to share this with any of your friends and loved ones who you think would benefit by joining you in this challenge.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Spring-Cleaning-Your-Mind&id=9910676

You Have To Let Go A Lot, To Unlock The Next Level In Your Life

Life Can Change At The Drop Of A Hat

I'd like you to reflect on the following questions and be honest with your answers. Are your plans and goals materialising as you hoped for? Are you happy with the quality of your life? If not, what would you like to improve and why? I realise these questions may be confronting for some, since you may not have given them much thought. But unless we take an inventory of our life, we cannot expect to move forward positively. Often, we needn't acquire more knowledge, more money or resources to live a remarkable life. Whilst these things can help, there are less experienced people who are succeeding beyond their wildest dreams.

I keep coming back to the quote by Albert Einstein who said: "We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used to create them." It's an appropriate metaphor to explain why our existing reality is the result of our past thoughts and beliefs. This shouldn't mean we should be angry or frustrated if we're not living up to our potential. Rather, we should get curious on how to change our circumstances, no matter what we're dealing with. It doesn't matter what you've created up til now. It doesn't matter how old you are and whether you believe your life will never improve. You must let go of these thoughts to step into the life waiting for you.

Is this an idea you're comfortable with? Are you willing to contemplate the idea of a parallel universe that has everything you need to thrive? You needn't know the circumstances to create this new life but start intending to move forward. I remember a wise mentor of mine who once said: "We spend the first half of our life accumulating thoughts and beliefs how life should be and the second half letting go of these thoughts to arrive at the truth." There is great wisdom contained within this message that life will take us where it needs to. Whilst we like to believe we are in control through free will, there's a great deal out of our control. This is a good thing because life can change at the drop of a hat in a positive and unexpected way.

Life Will Pull Us In The Direction Not Of Our Choosing

We must let go of the notion that life follows the same trajectory of the past because life doesn't know what it will become until we step into it. It is a new canvas we create each day and we have more power than we realise. Similarly, we mustn't succumb to other people's opinions of what our life should look like. Because everyone is an expert on what you should do with your life, yet they're reluctant to take responsibility when it doesn't work out as planned. So, make mistakes and learn from them quickly. Let go of blame, self-pity, and excuses. Let go of the anger and frustration because they hold you captive to the past. You want to be free of these emotions and move forward in a light-hearted way.

Am I making sense that where you are now is not indicative of where you could be? Are you comfortable with the idea that change can happen instantly and alter the course of your destiny? Whatever you believe about your life, put it on hold for now and keep moving towards the life you imagine. Spend time daily contemplating and nurturing this imagined life and don't worry when and how it will come into existence. Your dream life may start out as a burst of imagination and your job is to fertilise it with the right thoughts. Doubts will show up, to help you decide how much you're invested in this future. It will test your inner resolve and question whether this is something you really want. Because if it isn't, now is the time to change it whilst you can. Each day, sit down in a quiet place and ask your soul what it wants?

What do you want your life to be or not be? Get very clear on the picture and don't be tied to the details, but put it out there and allow the greater intelligence to work out the specifics. Focus on the imagining and creative aspects of your future life. Because lives are changed in an instant and if we are not prepared, life will pull us in a direction not of our choosing. We will lament not devoting more time to constructing the life we want. Knowing this, I'd like you to take out your phone or journal and return to the questions I asked you in the opening paragraph. You needn't answer them all right now but give yourself a week or two to get clear on what you want your life to look like. If you're unsure, sit with it for a while and if an impulse, intuition or thought emerges, go back to your journal and update it. It is when we let go of the life we had planned that the next level of our life will make itself known to us.

https://ezinearticles.com/?You-Have-To-Let-Go-A-Lot,-To-Unlock-The-Next-Level-In-Your-Life&id=10250174

Message From the Universe: The Power of Make Believe

"I do believe that if people would just start by saying "it's fun," when it seems hard; "I'm happy," when they seem sad; and "I know," when it seems they don't... they'd finally discover that it really is, they really are, and they always have.

Works for me,

The Universe"

The same goes with the famous phrase: "Fake it till you make it". By constantly reiterating your future success even though it feels like it will never happen, you need to make others believe that your vision is there and it won't budge for anyone or anything. The majority of people want to see others fail to feel better about their existing situation. Because they do not have the motivation to move forward, the drive to succeed, the desire to achieve greatness, they prefer that others follow the same path. They are scare to be left behind while others are living the life that most of us would die for. Make them feel that you are already on your path to greatness and NOTHING will stop you. They know they are incapable of doing anything for themselves, so the only thing they will try to do is make you feel that your goals are IMPOSSIBLE to achieve. Hope you won't let this happen.

Everything is about a personal feeling about how you perceive yourself and how much you want to succeed. It all starts with a thought, then goes the belief, and then of course the feeling it already happened, and finally ends with affirmative action. All of these four components are crucial for your thoughts to become things, and by believing in the Laws of Attraction, it is imperative to include all of those if you want to experience greatness. Just like quantum entanglement, all subatomic particles in space are somewhat connected and behave similarly to each other even though separated by thousand of light years. These 4 components means nothing by themselves, but together can make miracle happens. When you focus on achieving the impossible, always remember that you are possible and all can be done with just a bit of belief, feeling and imminently, action.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-The-Power-of-Make-Believe&id=9976048

Making Schedules In Getting Things Done

Do you know that stress is sometimes helpful especially in getting things done? But when it is already high it can have an adverse effect on your mental and physical health.

Don't plan out everything you need to do to finish a project, just focus on the very next thing you need to do to move forward. Usually doing the next, little thing will lead to another, and another, until you're done. Be as concrete and discrete as possible. You cannot possibly do all the tasks that need completing.

Don't set things aside and deal them later. Do It Now You have to fight procrastination before it becomes a habit. When making a decision, decide what you're going to do with every circumstance that you encounter in life. Learn to make bold decisions even when you're not really sure if it would be productive or not. Keep moving forward.

The hardest part when to start especially when a task is difficult or complex. However, if I can just get moving on it, even for a few minutes, it tends to get easier. Because I know this about myself, rather than setting the intention to finish something, it's better to condition myself to start. The more often I start, the easier things get finished. Overcoming that first bit of inertia is the biggest challenge (just like getting started on a run, or the first push of getting a car moving).

Once things are moving, just the way you want them and the momentum is on your side, make sure you get done. Make a system and schedule in every activity that you have in life. Now you don't have to worry about it anymore. You will be free of worries for a lot of productive time you spend on repetitiveness and inefficiency.

You need to know what needs to be done, right now. Whatever it is, you need to define it and then get started. Every now and then take drastic measures to ensure that you stay focused. Care about what you are doing because there is a likelihood that it will never happen again.

As much as possible try to spend the first few minutes of your day thinking about the life that you are creating, the people you care about and about what you do. Keeping those things in the front of your mind to help you stay focus. A schedule is very crucial in getting things done. Have a scheduled sequence of tasks before you get down to work. It will save you a decent amount of time during the working process, because you will not need to decide what to do next, but rather merely follow the plan.

Therefore, you cannot get faster at doing things unless you are focused and able to channel all your energy and attention towards some particular task. One thing at a time. That`s the rule that allows you to get the things done faster.

Indeed, planning ahead of time makes your work easier and worry-free.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Making-Schedules-In-Getting-Things-Done&id=9711606

Message From the Universe: Move Forward NO Matter What, And Have Fun at It!

"Start it; you don't have to be fancy.

Keep moving; you don't have to go crazy.

Visualize; you don't have to admit it.

See the end result; it doesn't have to be material.

Expect miracles; they don't have to be huge.

Pretend you've arrived; you don't have to dance on tables.

And above all else, have fun.

This is why you started it, right?

Life, what a trip -

The Universe"

Just reading this message from the Universe gives me the chills on how true it is for what is going on in my own life. I am sure that many others feel the same way. Many of my daily motivational messages might not cater to everyone's feeling on that specific day, but I am sure that someone out there is reading it and saying: "Wow, that is exactly how I feel at this moment" or" seems like this message is talking to me personally". No matter what this message does to you on that specific day, it is probably making a positive change into your life. Your journey towards your destination should be filled with fun times, because either way, when reaching your destination and obtaining the things you wanted the most will still be there, either the journey was fun or miserable. Might as well make it fun right? I am not saying to not focus on the task ahead, or get drunk every night at clubs if you consider THAT fun, but do not forget the reasons as to why you are doing all of this. Are you looking for financial freedom? Looking to be happier? Want more freedom to the do things you love the most, like traveling or whatever else tickles your loins? So what are you waiting for? The best moment will probably never come. Don't wait for it to come either.

If you need to start a new business, don't wait for the right amount of funds being thrown in your laps, just go at it and figure the rest as you move towards that goal. When you visualize the goals, be clear and feel that you are headed there. Meditate everyday to the feeling of reaching the goals you've been given yourself through the whole development stage of the business. Once this visualization is done, start looking for these wonderful miracles life has to offer, open your eyes to what is going on around you, there are signs out there, start recognizing them. Once you have recognize these amazing miracles, say to yourself that you are so close to the goal where all your dreams and expectations will materialize. Just imagine your fortune like the coin pusher in Arcade across the country. You put in a quarter, it pushes the coin in where hundred of other quarter are being pushed to the edge until they all fall on the receptacle for you to collect. You look at how the coins are all compressed into ONE area but yet, do not fall. You continue putting coins into the machine in the hope that it push the rest of the quarters located up front to where they have to be, in your pocket. You feel you are always so close by putting in more and more of your quarters (time and energy) into the machine (your business venture) to finally reach your destination, whichever it may be. Don't forget to have fun in the process.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Move-Forward-NO-Matter-What,-And-Have-Fun-at-It!&id=9532687

Finding Emotional Intelligence in Negative Emotions - Positive Purpose in Sadness Anger and Fear

Emotional Intelligence is severely undervalued. When you feel stuck, frustrated, stressed, upset, or overwhelmed, skillful emotional awareness is the key to moving forward. Underneath your upset is a specific emotion that can guide you. The key, then, is to understand the messages in your feelings and become skillful in using their energy appropriately.

Even so-called "negative emotions," such as sadness, anger, and fear, convey important information and energy to carry out specific actions that can help you and others. Emotions arise with a purpose and when this purpose is fulfilled the feeling subsides. Unfortunately, as a society, we have not learned to understand and sufficiently value emotional energy and information, so we tend to deal with these feelings crudely.

For example, with an emotion like anger, you might express it explosively or shove it under the surface, because you do not want to act angrily. Either you express your feelings reactively or cease feeling altogether.

Emotional Intelligence expert, Karla McLaren, describes a healthy third alternative. She says you can facilitate the healthy flow of emotions by consciously "channeling" the information and energy that emotions provide. In other words, emotions contain meaningful messages along with energy to do something related to those messages. This is true for so-called "negative" emotions as well as "positive" ones.

For example, McLaren suggests that:

• ANGER arises when you, or someone or something you love, is threatened and you need to take protective action or set a firm boundary.

• SADNESS arises when you need to let go of what no longer serves you or what is past, so you can move forward.

• FEAR arises to prompt you to take preventative action.

• JOY prompts you toward expansive, expressive, creative action.

• COMPASSION prompts you to care for others.

So, every emotion has a MESSAGE and ENERGY to carry out a specific type of action. Tuning into your emotions helps you to receive these messages and take these actions.

Let's explore the first three of these emotions in more depth. Sadness, anger, and fear are often misunderstood and handled poorly. We tend to repress them, stay stuck in them, or express them unskillfully, with negative consequences.

So, as you work with these emotions, it's important to do so Mindfully. Approach them as a curious observer with an attitude of paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, without judgment. Know that emotions are simply information about yourself, others, and events, along with energy to do something about this information. They do not define who you are and they will pass as you gather their information and take appropriate action.

(Note: If you feel overwhelmed or paralyzed by feelings to the point where you are unable to consciously process them yourself, seek the assistance of a counseling professional who is trained to work with intense emotions.)

The Positive Purpose of Sadness

The purpose of sadness is to enable you to let go of what is no longer working or what is past and finished. Sadness is a watery downward-flowing energy that enables you to release what no longer serves you, so you can return to fluidity and flexibility in your life.

By allowing appropriate sadness to flow through you, you'll make space for new energy and new possibilities. If you do not consciously acknowledge sadness or don't know how to flow with it, you'll bury it inside, where it will perpetually cycle, or you'll get lost in the feeling and be overwhelmed.

Here's a practice adapted from Karla McLaren's book, "The Language of Emotions," that can help you consciously process feelings of sadness.

1. When you feel sadness flood into you, take some quiet, private time to center into the feeling. Tune into the sensation of sadness, locate where it resides in your body, and approach it with curiosity to learn what it has to tell you.

2. Take a deep in-breath as if you are filling your whole body with your breath. As you exhale, make a sighing sound, and feel the energy of your sadness flowing like water down through your body, through your legs and feet, and down into the ground.

3. Stay centered in your inner space and ask your sadness the question: "What needs to be released or let go right now?" Don't rush to fill in an answer. Instead, keep the question open. Listen and feel inside.

Repeat your sighing breath down through your body as many times as you feel the need and keep your question open for your deeper knowing to respond. You may find you know right away what you need to release or you may find it becomes clear later. Either way, tuning into sadness (or any emotion) mindfully initiates a process of discovery and integration that will help you move forward.

The Positive Purpose of Anger

Anger arises to create and preserve personal boundaries and safeguard personal space. You feel angry when a personal boundary or the boundary of someone or something you care for is disrupted or violated. When you are able to identify the source of the perceived threat and use the energy available in anger to strengthen your personal space and take appropriate action, anger will recede. It will have accomplished its purpose.

Here's a practice adapted from McLaren to gather the information and use the energy in your anger:

1. When you feel anger rising, focus inside your body and become more in-touch with the felt sensation. Approach the feeling with curiosity to learn more about it.

2. Take a deep in-breath. As you exhale, imagine and feel as if the energy in your anger travels outward into a sphere about an arms-width around you, your personal boundary, strengthening it with a brilliant color. Do this until you feel a shift in your energy, so you are witnessing, feeling, and working with the energy in your anger without being consumed by it.

3. Ask your anger this question: "What needs to be protected or restored?"

4. Then ask, "What action will restore healthy boundaries and protect what is important?"

These questions help you identify what feels threatened, so you can take appropriate action. Try this when anger arises and see how it works for you.

The Positive Purpose of Fear

We've been told "Fear is what holds us back" and "The only thing to fear is fear itself." If we can just overcome our fears, we'll be able to live full-out and realize our hopes and dreams. But, what if this perennial wisdom regarding fear is missing something? What if fear in its essential form is one of our wise guides?

Emotions have three primary forms: unconscious reactive expression, a repressed cycling state, and a healthy free-flowing state. It may be that we are only familiar with the first two forms of fear: a reactive expression that makes us cower and a repressed state which creates constant low-level anxiety.

Fear in its healthy free-flowing form is something altogether different. What if fear can signal intuitive awareness of something that needs attention? What if it can alert you to important action?

This form of fear is a sixth sense that reaches out through your personal space to pick up signals about what is happening inside you, with others, and in your environment. Fear can alert you to what is happening in your own body. It can alert you to the actions and intentions of the people around you and to conditions in the environment. When you learn to discern this information, it can help you can choose wise actions.

To learn to use fear as a wise guide, try this simple practice:

1. When you feel fear arising, take a quiet, private moment to center into the feeling. Tune into the sensation of fear, locate where it resides in your body, and approach it with curiosity to learn what it has to tell you.

2. Take a deep in-breath as if you are filling your whole body with your breath. As you exhale, imagine and feel that your breath fills the sphere of your personal space about an arm's width around your entire body. Sense into your personal space and into the wider space around you and search for subtle signals. For example, you might be drawn to an area inside your body or to look at something or someone in your environment. You might feel the urge to move toward or away from something.

3. Stay centered in your personal space and ask your fear the question: "What action needs to be taken right now?" Don't rush to fill in an answer. Instead, keep the question open. Listen and feel inside. See what presents itself. You may have an inspiration to take a specific action.

It can take time to learn to discern guiding signals. As best as you can, be patient. The simple action of tuning into emotional signals is a cultivated skill. You'll grow your ability to sense inner guidance from fear and all your emotions through mindful practice over time.

You'll also learn to discern the quality of signals that represent accurate present guidance from false interpretations based on painful past experiences. There's a different felt quality to accurate versus false guidance. False guidance may feel alarming, stressful, or rushed. It is fixated on what happened in the past or overly-anxious about the future. Accurate emotional guidance has a matter-of-fact, present, forward-moving quality, that feels like perfect timing.

So, in summary, as emotions come up, instead of being wary of them, what if you welcome them, become curious, and ask:

• What is the sensation of this emotion in my body?

• Exactly what emotion is this?

• What is the message in this feeling?

• What is it asking me to do?

https://ezinearticles.com/?Finding-Emotional-Intelligence-in-Negative-Emotions---Positive-Purpose-in-Sadness-Anger-and-Fear&id=9949852

Message From the Universe: A Path That Only You Can Take

"You do realize, don't you, that there have been others - in lifetimes, millennia, and civilizations past - who have been to some of the same "places" you've been to? Yet, they got so scared they lost control, turned away, or flat out quit.

Yep, and they surround you now in the unseen. Your greatest admirers.

Thanks,

The Universe"

If I had to tell you that 97% of every person who tried to start a venture on their own, failed at it and gave up, you wouldn't believe me. Unfortunately, this statistic is correct. You would be surprised on how many have brilliant and creative ideas, have the know how to get it started but somewhere along the way, they felt overwhelmed with the responsibilities and just gave up on their dreams. They felt they weren't good enough, or smart enough or anything else to move forward. At the first sign of imminent obstacles, they just gave up. No business will succeed the first time around, unless you create a vaccine for the AIDS virus and introduce it to the world. Not sure how pharmaceutical companies will accept you in their circle, but I would recommend you to go somewhere and hide as they will want to track you down. Either way, you need to put all your energy and belief in everything you do in life. There is no way around it.

As for the path you need to take, it is really up to you. Would you prefer being like the majority of people who just give up quickly and decide to go work for the minority of people who succeeded? The choice is yours to make. Not many are willing to cross the difficult path, or to venture into the unknown. It is a scary path, a very lonely one and many will not join you, however, you can be sure they will be waiting for you on the other side and ask you to share your wealth with them. You have plenty of people like that out there. Just like the ones who give you dangerous advice knowing that you will be the ONLY one that will assume the consequences to their advice. They really have nothing to lose but you do. So stay away from these toxic people and focus on what you believe in. The rest will come easy.

ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-A-Path-That-Only-You-Can-Take&id=9747591

Is Life Balance A Myth?

What Is life balance?

Some will shun the concept of life balance claiming it is a myth. I believe that those who believe this may be referencing the old-school, more masculine definition of life balance. One that brings to mind a life of actions and a traditional two-part scale. A scale that is only balanced when both (two) sides (parts) are seen in equal measure. This perspective often references life balance according to the topic of work-life balance.

Others may understand life balance more like a bicycle ride, i.e., balance is achieved with constant movement. Knowing that the only way to move forward and maintain balance is to keep pedaling, i.e., to keep taking and action that creates balance. Without this constant doing, movement, the cyclist would lose balance - especially if they try to pedal anyway but straight, forward, in a linear fashion.

The perception of the cyclist is more akin to the way of a yinpreneur (yin-feminine), i.e., it does involve forward movement but not necessarily constant or linear. And not only in the doing (yang) type of movement.

YINpreneurs™ understand that forward movement is not always constant and linear and does not only show up in the doing. Often it is about the rituals and practices that help us move forward in both a human and spiritual way - sometimes obvious and measurable, other times subtle and energetic.

Seeking and Sustaining Balance

To liken it to the bicycle rider, the best rider will not only have skills that allow balance (yang, doing) but an inner belief or confidence and knowing (yin, intuition) which nurtures the doing and forward movement- balancing the being and the doing.

This way is aligned with the way of a yinpreneur in heart and mind. I invite you to understand life balance as a way of balancing your energy, intentions, and actions in various parts of your life and situations, that come to us as human beings (not human doings). Knowing that at any given moment in time, you may be called to a practice or ritual to bring a part of yourself, your life, back into balance.

With practice, you will have the clarity to know when you are feeling disconnected or out of balance. With this wisdom, you will be called to create rituals and practices to stay in awareness and sustain connection, balance, and alignment for longer periods of time, and possibly with greater power.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Is-Life-Balance-A-Myth?&id=9861109

How to Make Better Decisions (By Anne O'Dwyer)

Things don't always go to plan, or it turns out you made the wrong decision. That's unfortunate but it happens! Generally you know it is the right decision because you have peace of mind when you really search inside yourself for the answer, and accept the aid of your subconscious. However if it later turns out to be the wrong decision, just decide on the best way to move forward from your current stand point. It's no use crying over spilt milk, what has passed is gone, move on.

To enlist the help of your subconscious mind, weigh up each alternative and the consequences of each action. I find it a great help to make many for and against lists, one for each option. Write is all down, you will find writing it you are likely to feel a gut reaction. Once you have done all you can to search for the right action, don't concern yourself any more but pass it over to your subconscious at bedtime. Your mind will then process the alternatives whilst you sleep. You can then enjoy a peaceful night's sleep.

Very often you will "know" in the morning which route to take, if you don't have the answer repeat each night for a night or too. Big challenges can take longer. Your subconscious will work quicker the more often you trust it to resolve your dilemmas, but act on the advice.

So now you have the answer you can move ahead with confidence, you have to trust your subconscious and the universal mind, by which we are all linked, if you want it to become your alley. A book that discusses this in more detail is:

"The Power of Your Subconscious Mind" by Dr Joseph Murphy

Don't fret over wrong decisions, just make new better decisions and move on,You waste more time and energy stressing over mistakes than if you accept your actions and move on. Everyone has a few failures on the way to success, it is part of learning. There is a saying if you don't make mistakes you don't make anything!

So what does success mean to you? Great relationships, better health, a good job well done, or a successful business venture? Maybe time to do what you want to do, or enough money? What is enough for you?

Start expecting all you want to achieve in life and make a plan to achieve it. Don't accept a mediocre existence. Claim what you want by planning to achieve it. Have confidence in your ability, stretch a little and reach out to fulfil your desires. It is worth taking a few calculated risks to fulfil your dreams and live a life of satisfaction. Whatever your dream take a step nearer if you don't you will never know what might have been.

A few years ago I decided to set up an online venture, you could too, enlist the guidance of a coach to save wasting time and money. Begin part-time to reduce risks and start earning commissions from the sale of products provided by your coach and mentor. Affiliate marketing is the simplest method to start-up, but that's another story. To a happy healthy successful future whatever your dreams.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Make-Better-Decisions&id=9578862

6 Good Reasons Why Every Mentor Should Have a Mentor

1. You need a Mentor!

For years as a salesman, I struggled to make the grade. I made the calls without any real conviction, tried to reach targets that somehow I couldn't quite reach, read all the good books on selling but still failed to motivate myself. I was in Dead End Street.

What I needed was someone to share my journey but show me a different road. It didn't have to be by cutting corners or a short cut. I was burning out, wanting to quit, because I seemed to be on the road to nowhere. There was something I was missing, something I didn't quite get.

In the great movies, this is when along comes Obi Wan Kenobi to guide the young Luke Skywalker, or, a Yoda, or a Mary Poppins turns up. Even the great heroes of the bible needed someone when the going got tough. Moses needed Jethro, Joshua needed Moses, Elisha needed Elijah and the disciples needed Jesus.

The point is that we cannot succeed on our own. Someone who has been around the block a couple of times needs to show us the way.

Then I experienced a mentor in my own life, in the shape of a Field Sales Manager. Even then a field sales manager was old hat. Modern managers at that time were office bound, numbers people. But here was a guy who had been there and done it.

He shared my journey, made the calls with me, he asked me the right questions, encouraged me to share my experiences with the customers, relax and enjoy the journey. Eventually, the success came. I still made the calls, did the presentations but with a passion and a purpose.

I spent many years as a salesman and a sales manager and it took me to many different countries. It would be easy to say that I did it my way, but that would be only half a story. I recognised that any success that I experienced was down to the others who had shared my journey.

2. A mentor can help you move forward

Mentors are generally volunteers. They volunteer for many reasons, but often they want to 'put something back' or, 'pay it forward'. So why is it that many mentors, especially in the voluntary sector, do not consider having a mentor themselves?. Perhaps they feel they do not need a mentor, or that nobody would want to support them.

On the surface, it may seem strange that someone who can help another person to achieve their dreams, does not consider it for them personally. Everyone has hopes and dreams, and having support from outside of our immediate circle of family, friends and colleagues, who do not carry the same baggage, can make a significant difference.

But if that mentor would consider it carefully, they would decide that a mentor would be a good option for them.

3. Two people can share a journey

Sometimes we need someone who has "been there and done it" to help us negotiate a difficult situation, someone from outside who can get a different view of things. This is a mentor's role. You are worth the time and investment.

Being on the mentee side of the mentoring relationship will give you fresh insights into your own role of mentor.

4. Having a mentor will make you a great mentor

You may think that you don't have what it takes to be a mentor. You cannot see yourself in the role of wise and trusted guide. Perhaps you think you are not qualified to be a mentor. After all don't mentors need a degree in some 'ology' or other? Put your mind at rest.

Having a mentor will help you to find your own strengths. The best qualification for a mentor is often 'experience of life'. If you are in a business setting, perhaps you have had experience in starting an online business, or have been the CEO of a medium size company. Then you are perfectly placed to help someone else go through the same challenges.

You may have no business experience. Perhaps you have experienced and overcome family breakdown, financial difficulties or long-term unemployment. Who would want someone like you? The answer is anyone who is going through similar tough life circumstances.

How much would they value support from someone who knows what they are going through. A listening ear and the wisdom that comes from hard-earned experience could be a life-saver for someone who is socially isolated by difficult challenges.

5. A mentoring relationship works both ways.

A mentoring relationship can be life changing for both the mentor and the mentee. When a mentor asks the mentee the right question, a light-bulb moment can happen as the mentee arrives at a solution to their own problem. This can be a revelation to both parties. In guiding a mentee through stormy waters, a mentor will often experience a light shining on some event in their own life. These are great moments in the relationship.

6. Matchmaking makes mentoring meaningful

Some mentoring relationships seem to be made in heaven. This happens when care is taken in matching the mentee with a suitable mentor. This is not rocket science. When both parties are keen to make the relationship work, then it has a better chance of being successful - just like any relationship in marriage or business. Having a good mentor will add to your value when you are mentoring.

http://ezinearticles.com/?6-Good-Reasons-Why-Every-Mentor-Should-Have-a-Mentor&id=9576328

Message From the Universe: Let TODAY Be the First Day of Your Amazing Life

"Why wouldn't everything in your life start getting much, much easier?

Why wouldn't those things you now fear, dissolve into dust?

Why wouldn't the rest of your life be the best of your life?

I mean, you've NEVER been as awesome, or wise, or deserving, as you are today.

Huh? Huh? Huh?

The Universe"

As we tend to live too much in the past, feel horrible about what we've done or not done, how much we screwed up and not do the things we always wanted to do, complain that we are not where we hoped to be, feeling depressed about the overall outcome of our life and so on and so forth. Why cry over spilled milk right? What is done is done, no need to go back and start reminiscing of the past and feel bad about it. The only thing you can do today and move forward and learn from your mistakes. You are more experience, have more knowledge as to NOT repeat the same mistakes over again, and also take things a little bit easier. As we get older, we learn not to care much about what others think about us. Fear becomes just an illusion, a mirage that is here for a brief moment and disappear afterwards. Why put so much emphasis on something that is constructed by our own mind, based on our existent insecurities? Why focus so much on the negative? Every day is a different day and you can start by taking charge of your own life, your own destiny and not let anyone budge into your goals and dreams. Today is the start of your new life.

As long as you indulge yourself with a positive attitude towards life, there is NO reason why life couldn't easier. I am not saying to fool yourself and deny the challenges that will hit you throughout your life, but as long as you do not let these challenges bring you down and keep you there permanently, you are good to go. You can work day in a day out without a break and still come out failing miserably. It will be devastating at times but do not let this failure break you in pieces. You need to get back up, learn from your mistakes and avoid making them all over again. Every minute counts and you want to utilize your time efficiently. Once you find your calling, put everything you got on it, study it and see how you can make your life, and the one of others as happy as possible. Do not be like all others out there just accepting their faith and not work on making any changes in their lives. They just accept to stay miserable and to afraid to take a stand and make a change. Never allow yourself to live your life this way. You are given ONLY one life to live, so live it well and happy!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Let-TODAY-Be-the-First-Day-of-Your-Amazing-Life&id=9709710

Fear of Risk Can Be a Creativity Cruncher

Fear of risk is realistic. Imaginative, intelligent people fear danger, harm and evil. They naturally protect themselves and others - if they can - against gun-wielding attackers, financial insecurity, loneliness, corruption, blackmail, illness and death.

It is the degree of fear and the related anxieties that can be debilitating and cause natural emotions to become creativity crunchers, limiting the capacity to follow hunches, try new areas, take risks, enjoy life and be productive.

There are times when you need to take risks and there are times when risk-taking is inappropriate. If the water is infested with sharks, don't swim, but if it is filled with ideas to be explored, take the plunge. Risk means venturing where others have not, or staying behind to give more attention when others seemingly move forward. Risk means looking at the known as if it were unknown, and examining the unknown until it is known. Risk can be a stimulant; fear, a cruncher.

There are times when you have to stick out your neck in order to protect what you strongly believe in, or in order to explore areas of work which are relatively unfamiliar. As Hungarian-born English author Arthur Koestler stated: "If the creator had a purpose in equipping us with a neck, he certainly meant for us to stick it out." However doing this requires courage. You might fail and that is risky.

One of the greatest fears people have is that of failure. This fear is often related to the critical voices in their heads - their own, harsh voice of judgment or the voices of others who always find reason to criticize them often - in whatever they do. When facing the possibility of failure, it is a good idea to imagine the worst scenario, such as execution. Are you really going to be executed for your mistakes?

The more mistakes people make over a lifetime, the more they have attempted and the more they have learned. Creative people make more mistakes than others because they try more things. As Albert Einstein said, "A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new." A mistake is simply an experiment from which to learn.

However, when you repeatedly make the same errors, it might be an indication that you need to put the task away for a while and try a new approach or even do something quite different. You have to know instinctively when to continue and when to stop, when what you are doing has become an exercise in futility. Making mistakes might slow you down, but it won't prevent you from ultimately reaching your goal. Not learning from mistakes will. And not taking risks might seem safe to you, but you will also stagnate.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Fear-of-Risk-Can-Be-a-Creativity-Cruncher&id=9421156

Persisting Through Resistance

The story of Nelson Mandela's fight for freedom is a great example of the quality of persistence. Born on the 18 July 1918 in Mvezo, a small village in South Africa to Nonqaphi Noskeni and Nkosi Mandela, he was originally named Rolihlahla Mandela.

Nelson Mandela took keen interest in the apartheid rule dominant in South Africa upon hearing his elders recount stories of his ancestors' bravery during the wars of resistance. He was determined to contribute to the liberation of his people. The years that followed saw him sacrifice more than twenty-seven years, fighting relentlessly for racial equality in South Africa. Although the journey was full of bumps - betrayals, defeat, trials and even convictions, his efforts finally paid off, as generations to come will still feel the impact of his legacy.

Now, while striving towards building a global business, a career or fighting a cause, throughout your journey there will be resistance, sometimes from external sources and at other times from internal sources. This could appear in form of fear, defeat or low self-esteem. How do you persist through them? Here are three suggestions to guide you.

Set your eyes on the prize

The prize is synonymous with the motivations for your aspirations. Simply put, what do you stand to gain after you have attained that goal? All Nelson Mandela wanted was for racial discrimination to end in South Africa. This quote from his Dock speech at the Rivonia trial of 1964 provides insight into his motivation.

"I have fought against white domination and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and equal opportunities. It's an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it's an ideal for which I am prepared to die."

Setting your eyes on the prize helps you to endure and also propels you to go the extra mile in your endeavors.

Learn from your mistakes

You will make a lot of mistakes along the way, but a mindset that failure is part of the process will help you move forward. Hence, focus more on learning from them and moving on quickly, and remaining resolute. The Harvard Business Review recommends that business leaders should study causes when analysing a failure event. They should create an environment that counteracts the blame game and encourages employees to feel more comfortable with learning from their failures. The result of this, in the long term, is strong controls and secured processes.

Shut out Negativity

Psychologists agree that people are likely to remember unpleasant memories than they will pleasant ones. It is OK to agree that you are not getting your expected results if that's your reality. You can always review your methods and devise new strategies to meet your goals. Look out for constructive criticisms and try to resist the urge to dwell on the negativities.

Your focus should be on the goal at all times. Whenever you are stuck, remember the popular Nelson Mandela quote: "It always seems impossible until it's done."

http://ezinearticles.com/?Persisting-Through-Resistance&id=9378545

Deal With Your Anger Issues

Have you ever seen a child eagerly awaiting their absentee parent who's coming to take them for a play date? When faced with the dawning realisation that the parent is not coming the child may become defensive or hurt, angrily crying that they hate that parent and wouldn't have gone with them anyway! Is that the truth?

Of course not, they're merely trying to cover up their disappointment and feelings of rejection in order to recover quickly and conceal their distress. Anger is often an alternative to crying or grief and can help us move forward from feeling vulnerable.

As an adult we hope to deal with our anger issues and move onto more effective ways of communicating our feelings. We start to see anger as an unhelpful, inelegant way of conveying our hurt or displeasure and quickly learn that it doesn't resolve matters. It often simply prevents us from moving on. Far better to learn to deal with emotive situations calmly and rationally, rather than let our feelings dictate and get the better of us.

When we find ourselves constantly resorting to anger, unable to deal well with conflict or disappointment we need to concern ourselves with finding other ways to resolve and sort out our anger issues.

Anger can manifest itself in several ways.

- We can be angry with ourselves, feel unworthy, unattractive, unintelligent and follow through with damaging, destructive behaviour like self-harm, bad habits, negative self-talk, so ruining any chance of success with our manner, attitude and approach. People with serious self-anger issues may set themselves gruelling challenges, never feel they've achieved enough or in the right way. Then they punish themselves further with a binge, purge or self-discipline regime.

- Other people can provoke our anger if we feel 'it's all right for them'! In those instances other people may be seen as especially gifted, advantaged or lucky, thus meaning that they have better or unfair chances of good fortune.

- We can be angry at situations and blame our circumstances for our lack of success; they're the reason things don't work out well. You'll hear, 'it's not fair', 'if only', 'I can't start until that's sorted'.

- Inanimate objects can bear the brunt of our anger too. People may kick, throw, stamp on and destroy objects due to their anger. Those items may even get the blame for things not working out!

Some tips to help you deal with your anger issues.

- Start to recognise the triggers, those situations where you find yourself losing control and becoming angry. Is it a look that you've received, a raised eyebrow, a shrug or smirk when you've spoken. Is it being ignored or not allowed to speak? Notice what sparks you off.

- Appreciate that others' reactions are not necessarily about you. There may be times when your behaviour, comment or body language affects the recipient in a provocative way. But we can never really know what's going on in someone else's mind or life. It's important to be respectful and allow all points of view to be heard.

- Ascertain the facts first. Stay calm and ask questions. Find out what's going on, what prompted their words or behaviour. Listen properly and with genuine interest. Avoid second-guessing, finishing their sentences or getting your reply ready before they've finished speaking.

- Respond rather than react. Consider each situation and what you want to achieve, what your desired outcome is. For example, if your car broke down on your way to an important meeting you could kick it, damage it in frustration but it wouldn't solve anything and seeing the damage afterwards would probably make you feel worse. Far better to stay calm and identify what needs to happen to remedy the situation as positively as possible.

- If a relationship is causing you anger issues you could suggest meeting to discuss them. Set a mutually convenient time. A public place can be good as it ensures communication remains civil in tone. Try to identify key areas of upset and own your feelings. Rather than accuse with, 'you make me feel', it's far better to prompt a discussion with, 'when this happens I feel'.

- Avoid lots of examples. They can hi-jack a conversation and rarely achieve anything useful, as you can get side-tracked. Examples seldom help to move the situation along.

- Alternatively writing a letter can be a good way to communicate your feelings. Take as long as necessary to process your thoughts so you're clear about what you want and need to say. It may take days or even weeks so that you're finally happy with the content and tone. This can be an effective way of dealing with someone who's disappeared from your life. Then when it's finished you can either mail it or have a ritual to signify that this phase of your life is finally over.

- A journal can equally be used to write down and work through angry and painful emotions, sometimes being kept in conjunction with counselling and hypnotherapy. Use effective methods to help you understand what the anger's about, what's been causing it. Those insights can improve your ability to communicate your feelings.

- Learning to communicate well can be a difficult process if good communications were not a part of your early years. Some families learned to keep quiet for fear of upsetting a volatile or easily upset family member. Or if a partner is perceived as being intelligent or eloquent, who twists whatever's said so that problems are your fault it can become easier to stay mute. But anger can then erupt as frustration, often over small and trivial things.

- Set your own boundaries in place so you protect yourself and are aware of what you will and won't tolerate. This allows you to gradually communicate how you feel effectively. You've learned not to inflame the situation, yet are able to be firm, fair and clear, keen to empathise and resolve any issues.

- Recognise the part that stress may play in your anger, your warning signs of being tired, irritable, not sleeping well. Let your partner know what you're going through. Good communications can play a major role in helping to deal with your anger issues. Let those closest support you at difficult times.

And remember, once said, things cannot be unsaid. They may be understood and even forgiven, but hurtful, angry words are often difficult to forget.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Deal-With-Your-Anger-Issues&id=10040489