My Honour Does Not Lie In My Breasts Or My Vagina (By Anahita Batra)

Exactly one year back I blogged about my sexual abuse. For me, it was a huge leap towards my healing; not because the people around me came to know about my story or it was an inspiration to some, but, because on specifically that day, I finally let go of the shame and guilt I had been housing inside me since what seemed like forever.

I vividly remember how I suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to do it, to lay myself out in the open, vulnerable, but alive. I wrote about breaking my silence in less than half an hour and published it without re-reading it even once. As I hit the Publish button, I could feel my heart beating louder and faster than ever.

To be very honest, I was apprehensive about the response my story would get. I wasn't hoping for much of positive response and thought that the readers would carry forward our great culture, criticizing me for being open about a supposed taboo subject. To say that I was astonished after reading the comments would be an understatement. I felt a great deal of acceptance and love.

I thank you from all of my heart for supporting me in this journey, no matter how big or small your contribution has been.

Although my choice to go public about this has been criticized time and again, on the pretext of losing my family's and my honour in the society, making myself a target of mockery or affecting my relationships within the family, writing out my story has been one of the best decisions I have made in life. I cannot go on encouraging people to share their stories to let go of the emotional baggage they've held on to since years, if I myself can't do it.

"My honour does not lie in my breasts or my vagina. Violation of my body parts is not the violation of my honour or my innocence.

It is unfortunate how the society we live in states the survivor of sexual violence responsible or guilty of what happened to them. You never ask a cancer patient to keep their secret because if they disclose it, the family honour would be in threat. People don't make fun of you if you share about being in a car accident.

My relationship with my abusers was over the moment they chose to breach my trust and force me into something that caused so much damage to my body, mind and soul. Being in the same family as them doesn't mean that I have to carry on a dead relation lifelong.

I would be lying if I say the accusation and criticism didn't matter to me. They did hit me with a pang of betrayal and disappointment. But, if I weigh it against the healing my blog has brought to me, my healing would immediately win out with such a large difference that the criticism becomes easy to embrace.

Writing about it was my initial act of rebellion. Since then, I have made a lot of choices that align themselves with my cause and existence and go against many notions the society holds.

I am not fighting against anything. I am fighting for something that holds importance to me. Coincidentally, it often goes against many people and the norms they have. But as long as I am walking on my path, these intersections and hurdles hardly make any difference to my spirit.

Since my childhood, I was praised within the family because of my good manners, academic excellence and obedience towards the elders. But to me, it was of no use, because I was dead inside. All I wanted was to live, but I lacked the courage then. Lately, when I have made some choices that I was not expected to, there has been some disturbance. Going public about my abuse, talking "shamelessly" about it, working towards its prevention and dropping out of engineering to pursue my cause, to state a few.

At the same time, I have never felt more alive. I am able to feel more. Love more. Laugh more. Cry more. I am more present here than I have ever been. I am living the life I once dreamed of.

http://ezinearticles.com/?My-Honour-Does-Not-Lie-In-My-Breasts-Or-My-Vagina&id=9419521

Three Questions That Can Help Reduce Angry Reactions at Work

Managing our angry reactions in the workplace is crucial to maintaining harmony in the company as well as balancing our business and personal lives. Everyone encounters situations at work that make them angry. What are your triggers?

Is it a Micro-managing boss? An annoying complaining co-worker that always get their way? Perhaps it's those redundant reports that are required which could be eliminated with one quick memo, but instead take hours.

Conflict at work is inevitable, yet learning how to manage and control it, and moving through those difficult situations is critical to the success of the organization as well as your individual growth in your career.

Knowing what your anger triggers are at work is the first step towards managing your anger.

Consider making a list of the things that anger you at work over the next two weeks.

List these three questions:

What was the situation?

What exactly was it that made me angry?

What was I thinking and feeling at the time?

After two weeks review your list and look for patterns.

Consider different things you could have done to avoid the conflict.

Consider constructive ways you can change the situations that cause the problem.

One quick method to control anger is to recognize the difference between Reacting and Responding.

When we react to something, we often do so quickly and without much thought, like a reflex. Whereas if we respond, we think about our actions before we act. Reaction is a negative term, such as when the doctor says you are having a reaction to the prescribed medication, whereas if he says you are responding to the medication that is a positive sign.

The point being, if we think about the situation in advance, we can plan a positive response, as opposed to a negative reaction.

We cannot control the way others are going to act, but we can control how we respond. For example, taking an inventory of what is happening in our personal lives, the stresses we have at home, and comparing them with those we encounter at work, can help us see how both can contribute to each other. It is impossible to completely separate the two. However, understanding how they interact can help alleviate the strain each may have on the other. It is easy to see how stress from home that is carried into the office can make one more susceptible to having an angry reaction to things at work, and vice versa.

Communication is very important, both in the workplace and at home. Whereas we may not feel comfortable, nor think it is appropriate to share our personal struggles with our co-workers, just having an awareness of how one affects the other can be helpful in reducing angry reactions. Being able to objectively look at how we react or respond to circumstances at work can eliminate many instances of anger.

Knowing what contributes to our anger, what our triggers are, and having a plan for responding can help reduce incidents of anger at work, and allow us to be more productive and secure in the workplace.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Three-Questions-That-Can-Help-Reduce-Angry-Reactions-at-Work&id=9464726

Three Questions That Can Help Reduce Angry Reactions at Work

Managing our angry reactions in the workplace is crucial to maintaining harmony in the company as well as balancing our business and personal lives. Everyone encounters situations at work that make them angry. What are your triggers?

Is it a Micro-managing boss? An annoying complaining co-worker that always get their way? Perhaps it's those redundant reports that are required which could be eliminated with one quick memo, but instead take hours.

Conflict at work is inevitable, yet learning how to manage and control it, and moving through those difficult situations is critical to the success of the organization as well as your individual growth in your career.

Knowing what your anger triggers are at work is the first step towards managing your anger.

Consider making a list of the things that anger you at work over the next two weeks.

List these three questions:

What was the situation?

What exactly was it that made me angry?

What was I thinking and feeling at the time?

After two weeks review your list and look for patterns.

Consider different things you could have done to avoid the conflict.

Consider constructive ways you can change the situations that cause the problem.

One quick method to control anger is to recognize the difference between Reacting and Responding.

When we react to something, we often do so quickly and without much thought, like a reflex. Whereas if we respond, we think about our actions before we act. Reaction is a negative term, such as when the doctor says you are having a reaction to the prescribed medication, whereas if he says you are responding to the medication that is a positive sign.

The point being, if we think about the situation in advance, we can plan a positive response, as opposed to a negative reaction.

We cannot control the way others are going to act, but we can control how we respond. For example, taking an inventory of what is happening in our personal lives, the stresses we have at home, and comparing them with those we encounter at work, can help us see how both can contribute to each other. It is impossible to completely separate the two. However, understanding how they interact can help alleviate the strain each may have on the other. It is easy to see how stress from home that is carried into the office can make one more susceptible to having an angry reaction to things at work, and vice versa.

Communication is very important, both in the workplace and at home. Whereas we may not feel comfortable, nor think it is appropriate to share our personal struggles with our co-workers, just having an awareness of how one affects the other can be helpful in reducing angry reactions. Being able to objectively look at how we react or respond to circumstances at work can eliminate many instances of anger.

Knowing what contributes to our anger, what our triggers are, and having a plan for responding can help reduce incidents of anger at work, and allow us to be more productive and secure in the workplace.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Three-Questions-That-Can-Help-Reduce-Angry-Reactions-at-Work&id=9464726

Want to Influence Others? Start Using This Word

It's simple, common and very effective.

Let's say you're trying to sell something... say, a comfy chair.

You'd probably encourage your prospective customer to sit in the chair. You'd point out the chair's features: great frame, reputable manufacturer, durable fabric, etc. But by forgetting to use one of the most persuasive words in the English language, you'd run the risk of blowing the sale.

What's the magic word? "Because."

To understand how "because" can influence others, I invite you to spend a few minutes with Vicki Kunkel, author of Instant Appeal: The 8 Primal Factors That Create Blockbuster Success. Kunkel tells the story of helping a client who had a furniture store. While the salespeople were very friendly and attentive, customers were not buying.

The problem was what "ethologists call a fixed action pattern (FAP) response--an intricate sequence of behaviors set in motion by a trigger feature. A trigger can be specific words, sounds, colors, actions, visual patterns, gestures, or even the beauty or ugliness of a person or object. An example of a fixed action pattern response is yawning; when we see someone yawn, we almost always yawn too. But it's not the yawner who makes us yawn; it's a yawning trigger within each of us that makes us yawn."

In the case of the furniture store, the salespeople weren't attracting customers--they were triggering people in the store to retreat. As Kunkel explains, "a salesperson who is trying too hard is a predator to a customer. And, just like the lizard, customers run from the predator--in this case, the sales associate."

Kunkel's advice was to replace the negative automatic response with a positive one--that's right, to encourage the furniture salespeople to use "because."

She suggested that salespeople greeting customers say this: "May I offer you this brochure because we'd like you to have more information about our new store?''

The structure of the sentence--"take this because of that"--induces an innate and automatic response in humans. This response was beautifully demonstrated in a 1978 study by Harvard social psychologist Ellen Langer. Langer set out to determine "under what conditions people would allow her to cut into a long line at a copy machine."

When she used this sentence--''Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I'm in a rush?''--94 percent of people would let her go ahead of them in line.

But even when Langer used this sentence--''Excuse me, I wonder if I could ask you a favor. May I skip ahead of you in line because I have to make some copies?''--people allowed her to skip the line.

Kunkel explains why: "Even when the reason is bogus, the trigger word "because" elicits an automatic and innate response to grant the favor! The response mechanism to this trigger is so engrained that even a silly reason gets a positive response."

For the furniture salespeople, using "because" made their pitches much more successful. "Simple phrases such as, 'You'd really like this couch because it is made of Italian leather,' or 'This glass table would look great in your home because the design will go with any decor,' resulted in a 39 percent increase in sales in just the first two weeks they were used regularly with customers."

"Because" works because, as Kunkel illustrates, "Trigger words are part of what I call the instant appeal response: positive, predictable actions that people take in response to a specific trigger."

Try this persuasive word next time you're trying to influence someone--because it works!

http://www.inc.com/alison-davis/want-to-influence-others-start-using-this-word.html

5 Horrible Traits That Push People Away

There are certain horrible habits that some people have that simply drive others away. As the old saying goes, every person has something good to offer. But for some, it's when they leave the room. Are people happy when you walk in or overjoyed when you walk out?

Here are five horrible traits that push people away, how to recognize if you have them and how to get rid of them for good.

1. You’re a downer.

We’ve all been around these people. They whine, they complain, they talk about how much is going wrong in their lives and they want to tell you every detail of it.

How do you know if it’s you that’s the downer? Pay attention to what you’re talking about the most. Did you complain about traffic as your opening line when you got to your meeting this morning? Did you make sure to tell those around you how little sleep you got last night, how hard you’re working or how busy you are?

If the constant theme of your conversation is whining or negative, you’re probably a bit of a downer to be around. Notice how you are starting conversations with your peers and if the theme is consistently complaining, it’s time to change your tune. Another sign is if your peers take a deep sigh as you approach or consistently respond “uh-huh,” which is a sign they don’t want to engage.

How do you stop it? This is one of the simplest, but hardest to fix. The simple part is all you have to do is stop talking about things that bum you out and make everyone else bummed out, too. Try starting with noticing something nice or good every time you are about to complain. If you’re stuck in traffic, notice something beautiful around and focus on that to talk about with your peers. If you didn’t get much sleep, try not to talk about it. If someone says you look tired, offer a positive response like, “Yeah, I didn’t get a ton of sleep, but wait until I show you how great the project proposal is that I got done!”

There can always be a more positive counterpoint to your complaining. Find it, and try to change the conversation.

2.  You don’t shut up.

Have you ever been around a person who won’t stop talking? Maybe it was a boss, a co-worker, a founder or even a passenger on an airplane. It can feel like bobbing helplessly in the ocean, watching a giant wave come at you that you just know is going to pummel you with a wall of words. You want to take a deep breath, hold on for dear life and suffer through the verbal assault of chattiness.

How can you tell if you’re the ocean wave people are dreading? A few good signs to pay attention to are the airspace you take up in conversations and the reactions people have to your approach. Just like being a downer, when you talk too much, people tend to either scatter as you approach for no apparent reason, or respond in quick “uh-huh” responses to not engage you any further than is necessary.

Do people stand a lot when talking to you? That’s another body language clue they’re looking to get away quick, or aren’t willing to sit, knowing that means you’re going to hold them captive in your conversation. If you find you talk at people instead of with people, that you dominate the majority of every meeting and conversation, guess what? You need to learn how to stop talking so much.

The good news is, just like being a downer, the solution is easy -- stop talking! That can be hard for someone used to being a chatterbox. Practical advice is to practice holding your tongue longer. In meetings, try to trade off listening and talking in alternating turns. Share airtime around the table for others to voice their opinions, too. Try counting to three in your head before you speak to make sure you aren’t choking out other voices in the room.

With some practice, you can turn this terrible habit around (and you’ll probably gain a lot of friends back as a result!).

3. You’re distracted.

We all have important things to do in our day, but if you’re the guy or gal that’s always on your phone talking, texting and emailing while others are trying to talk to you, have dinner with you or hold a meeting you’re in -- guess what? That’s a horrible habit people hate.

How can you tell if you’re the distracted one? Do you find yourself asking, “what was that again?” often throughout the day? That’s a great sign you aren’t paying attention to others. Do you ever look up from a meeting or conversation and see everyone else is off the phone and laptop except you? If you’re constantly digitally distracted, try leaving the phone, tablet or laptop at home for your next dinner appointment or meeting.

It can be hard to disconnect from your digital devices, but you’ll gain important human connections that you need to garner healthy, happy relationships. Ditch the dirty digital distraction habit and reconnect with individuals, giving them the attention they deserve from you. 

4. You’re condescending.

Even if you know more than others, what’s more inspiring: teaching how to get to your level, or talking down to them about theirs? Being condescending is a horrible habit that will alienate others.

How can you tell if you’re condescending? It’s often in others more than you. What does that mean? Look at the people in your life and take stock of how many are better off having known you. Do you mentor others? Have you helped people around you gain skills, knowledge, jobs or in any other way helped to develop others to teach what you know? How many people would come to you for help with a problem or for a question?

Pay attention to the way you treat others. Do you help them, or talk down to them? Do you offer advice when it isn’t asked for (which can be another key sign of condescending, thinking you need to tell others what to do and how to do it)? If these patterns sound familiar, try a change in tone and a change in perspective.

Instead of offering advice, only give it when specifically asked. Stay on topic when asked and don’t make your advice go broader than the request. Try teaching the next time someone makes a mistake instead of berating them.

Patience, an affinity to teaching and some compassion will help you break this horrible habit.

5. You’re insincere.

People can sniff out a fake fast these days. There’s nothing wrong with having an opinion or a perspective that doesn’t match up to everyone else. You don’t have to be fake or insincere about your opinion or others. It’s better to be kind, but honest, than to pretend.

Most people who are insincere either are that way because they’re insecure, which stems from a desire to have everyone like them, or they’re condescending.

If your insincerity comes from insecurity, here are a few ways to tell. Do you worry that saying no or having a different opinion will mean people don’t like you? Do you worry about what others think? Do you constantly go along to get along? The truth is that most people respect a healthy disagreement or can accommodate other perspectives and opinions. You don’t have to be obnoxious or forceful in your opinions, but it’s OK to be sincere about having a different perspective.

A great way to start overcoming this habit of being a contrarian is simply to not offer your opinion at all. When someone tells you something you don’t agree with, try simply saying something neutral such as, “that’s interesting,” and leaving it at that until you build up the confidence to be authentic.

The most important thing is to stop agreeing, or saying yes to things you don’t want to do, don’t believe in or are otherwise faking agreement on. Start slow and you can beat this bad habit.

http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/246589