How to Deal With Your Anger in Constructive Ways

Wow, some people just know how to push your buttons, don't they? Wait, I KNOW he did not just cut you off in rush hour traffic and you are already late as it is?! And why is she always so mean and nasty to you? This is her job. It's what she gets paid to do. You would think Ms. Thing could understand that and just do it without the attitude. And why is it so hard for him to just leave you alone? You're trying to be professional about this whole situation but he better not let the suit fool him! Hey, anybody ever heard of a thing called customer service around here?! And why is she up in here like you did not clearly and specifically tell her not to bring that person with her? Now you have got to deal with this nonsense when all you wanted to do was have a good time. It's like the whole world is trying to make you angry!

There's no use denying it, so you may as well admit how you feel. You're angry and quite frankly you have every right to be. Yes, you do and don't allow anyone tell you different. No one gets to tell you how you should feel. You must trust your own emotions to guide you. I'm not saying you should be turning over chairs and slamming doors. Anger is, like every other emotion, designed to alert you. It's a message. Objectively speaking, it's just data.

How you deal with your anger says more about you than it ever will about that button-pusher. Besides, the person who is hurt the most by your anger is not the one that caused it, it's the one holding it. The longer you stay angry, the more damage you are doing to yourself. Sure, you can pick up that hot coal to throw at someone else but you are just going to burn your own hand first. So let me share with you a few constructive things to do with all that anger:

1. Recognize Anger For What It Is

When you get a message, it's important not to ignore it. You can spend time acting like anger is something more benign but that is just a waste of time and energy. Pretending you are not angry makes as much sense as pretending you are not holding a burning hot coal. Oh, you think we don't notice that look on your face? The sooner you recognize it, the less pain and injury you will inflict on yourself. I'm not saying you have to announce it to the world. This is about allowing yourself to acknowledge to yourself that you are angry. Once you recognize and own it, you give yourself space to choose how to appropriately respond.

2. Focus On Dealing With Your Anger

First things first. That incredible hulk shtick is so not attractive. Now that you recognize you are angry, give yourself a moment to take some deep calming breaths. Focus on things that allow you to calm down. I'll be honest with you here, even the most intense emotions can begin to pass within a few minutes if you recognized them and don't push them away. That said, you are worked up enough as it is. If you are talking to yourself -out loud or in your head - be sure that your words are more positive and peaceful. If you can't pull yourself to speak positive words, just stay in the space of admitting how you feel and acknowledging this is not what you want. Better yet, just focus all your attention on taking a few more deep, calm, relaxing breaths.

3. Ask Yourself How

There are several Hows to ask at this point. Now that you are aware of your anger and calming down, you are in a better place to choose how you want to respond. Ask yourself: How have you handled this type of situation successfully before? How can you handle this current situation in the best possible way? How can you honor your own needs and still be respectful? How can you do things differently so that you don't end up here again? How can you make sure the most important things are handled well? A great way to handle anger constructively is to find ways to prevent the situations that make you angry. Asking yourself how activates your problem solving skills.

4. Why You Mad, Son?

You are a brilliant person. No, I'm so serious. You are brilliant! You are also your best teacher. You handled the situation wonderfully. Congratulations! Before you file this moment away in the past, don't forget to take the good with you. Pay attention to the wisdom you are giving yourself in this situation. There are tips and tools you are giving yourself to be a stronger, more powerful, more purposeful, more peaceful you. No one said you had to love the circumstances. Choose to pay attention and figure out what this moment was showing you about yourself regardless of how you feel about the people and circumstances. Take away from this situation the lessons you are giving yourself about what makes you angry and how you can constructively deal with those triggers.

5. Don't Forget About the Other Guy

Do you remember those button pushers? Of course you do! As your brilliant self is showing you how to pay attention to the data, bring yourself into a calmer place, figure out how to not be here anymore, and get even more brilliant that you were a moment ago, I don't need to remind you this is not just about you. The best way to handle this moment is to be more aware and considerate of someone else's needs and emotional state of mind. Why it that? Well, as you show up in a loving way, the answers you need about how to handle that button pusher begin to reveal themselves to you. You will never get to the best solutions coming from a place of rage and hatred. Let them hate. You stick with the greatest weapon of all LOVE.

How much of your own anger could you dissipate if you were more appreciative toward the people around you? Yes, you are truly brilliant but you could really stand to be more thoughtful. I'm just saying. Wait a minute, I'm not suggesting you have to find ways to be nice to that button pusher in this moment. What I am saying is turn your appreciation towards someone else who needs it. It's not just about noticing when someone is feeling happy, or grumpy. Spend more of your time considering how your own actions are impacting others. Being angry is no reason to mistreat others.

It is impossible to speak life to someone else and not feel better yourself. Don't believe me, try it. Move to the right so the driver behind you can pass by. Allow that car to merge in front of you with a friendly smile & wave hello. Compliment her on the job she is doing right instead of bringing up the things she is doing wrong. In silence, look at someone and think "I'm sending love to you. I am sending love to you." Notice how that changes your mood and helps you to think of more positive things to think, do, and say.

The more love you spread, the more love you feel. The more you give, the more you receive. It is very tough to be or stay angry, when you choose to focus on being loving, and filling the day with life. The most powerful way to constructively deal with your anger is to deal with more love.

I'm curious about what works for you. Did I miss something? What ways have you found to feel more love when you are angry?

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3 Unique Ways to Control Anger

The ideal way to manage a bad habit is to become aware of the triggers, whether it is stress or anger and take pre-emptive actions before one has a complete meltdown or one engages in a course of action that has far reaching consequences.

Anger never just springs upon us, it is preceded by irritation and if one is aware of the indicators, which may differ from person to person, the immediate first-aid approach would include walking away from the distressing situation, counting to ten and even drinking a glass of water to calm one's emotions. For some, saying a quick affirmation helps.

But what if one did not have to rely on first-aid measures? What if one could build one's resilience and ability to remain calm in an anger provoking situation?

There are many ways that one can raise one's threshold to anger. Here are 3 unique ways which can be practiced any time and any place to strengthen our inner selves. They focus on calming the mind and nervous system.

Bee Breath

Music has a calming effect on the mind. Listening to soft music, devotional songs, hearing chants and even listening to the sound of your chanting helps to calm the mind.

Raise your resilience to anger by practising this short exercise on a regular basis called the Bhramari Pranayama (Bee Breath). Derived from the name of the black Indian bee called Bhramari, the sound made during exhalation sounds like a bee hum. Pranayama means breathing technique.

This exercise should be done on an empty stomach.

Sit up straight and keep your eyes closed. Place your index fingers on the cartilage of your ears. The cartilage is located between your cheek and ear.

Inhale deeply through both nostrils and then, with the lips closed, gently press the cartilage exhaling slowly through the nose making the sound of a bee humming.

Repeat this process about 5-10 times. You can practice this pranayama 3-4 times a day.

Ensure that you are not putting your finger inside the ear, but on the cartilage. Also, the cartilage is to be pressed gently and released with the finger.

Moon Breath

We all know about taking a deep breath to calm down. Here is another technique where we can use the act of breathing to cool down our body and calm our mind called the Chandra Nadi Pranayama or Moon Breath.

According to the Chakra theories, the left nostril is connected to the Ida Nadi which provides the cooling effect to the body. This exercise is great not only to cool down when we feel anger coming on, but is a great technique to build our resilience to anger. Other benefits include improving sleep and reducing anxiety.

Sit on a chair with both feet on the ground. Keep your back straight and belly completely relaxed. Start by taking a few deep breaths. Close your right nostril with your right hand index finger. Inhale deeply and slowly and exhale deeply through your left nostril. Do this exercise for 1-3 minutes.

You can also try this about 30 minutes before you retire at night to get a good night's sleep.

Candle Gazing Meditation

This meditation, called Trataka is quite easy and better suited for those of us who find it hard to concentrate on a mantra or image as one can hold onto an after image of a bright flame with closed eyes. It aids us in increasing our resilience to stress & anger as well as increases the power of the mind and eyes.

Place the candle at eye level at a distance of one meter in a dark and draught free room. Sit in a meditative posture with crossed legs with an erect spine. Keeping the eyes wide open and without blinking, gaze at the candle flame until the eyes become watery or tired.

When the eyes are tired, gently close them keeping your inner gaze steady, visualize the object and meditate on it. Once the image vanishes, open the eyes and repeat the candle gazing.

Please note that it is important that the eyes should be relaxed and no force should be applied otherwise a headache is possible. With practice, you will learn to ignore the irritation and watering of the eyes and the gaze will become steady making the mind single pointed..

It is advisable to start this process slowly with say, 10 to 15 seconds at a stretch and with 3 repetitions at a sitting. As time progresses, the duration can be gradually increased by 10 seconds per week.

One method of deepening this form of meditation is to visualize that you are breathing in and out the candle light. Feel a sense of purity and clarity infusing your mind and body and eliminating the stress that you have holed up inside yourself. Remaining still and focussing only on the candle flame stills your mind and with single pointed concentration you enter deep relaxing meditation.

At the completion of the candle meditation, close your eyes and lie down for a few minutes to allow yourself to return to normal.

There will always be times in one's life, whether in the workplace or in our personal lives where we may not have much control over a situation. However, we always have control over how we choose to react and respond to a situation. Controlling our anger and staying calm helps to mitigate potential damage to relationships and prevents us from taking hasty actions with consequent long term repercussions. The first step to managing our irritation and reactions starts with building our anger threshold and these 3 techniques help in achieving our goal - anger management.

https://ezinearticles.com/?3-Unique-Ways-to-Control-Anger&id=7634984

Message From the Universe: A Life Not Like ANY Other Life!

"Wherever a new disagreement emerges, so does new hope for enlightenment, on both sides of the fence.

Oh joy,

The Universe"

Like anything else in life that is sure to happen, besides taxes and death, is disagreements. It is somewhat preferable to have disagreements than not. Not agreeing on something is the best way to express your feelings and emotions. Unless you are a carbon copy of yourself, or as many would call that cloning, it can be difficult to have someone who agrees with you 24/7. In some cases, when you have a business partner that sees eye to eye with you with everything that has to do with the company's growth, you are in luck. However, many of us sees things differently, and all this is caused somewhat by our upbringing or our previous business and life experience. It is imminent that disagreements will occur at the workplace or at home. As you are dealing with your significant other on a daily basis, you might agree on a lot of things because you both see eye to eye on a lot of how the mundane daily life has to run, however, it will come at a time when disagreements will occur. Depending on how you deal with them, you will need to handle it in a very calm and polite way. Name calling has no place during that time.

Firstly, you need to determine the origin of the disagreement: What caused it? Why is it here? What are the point of view on the matter being discussed between both of you?

Secondly, you need to figure out the best plausible solution that both of you can agree. Do not let the other convince you otherwise. Share your feelings, do not be intimidated. Showing fear will give place for the other to have its way all the time. Remember to always stay in control of the situation. If they raise their voice to get heard, you do not need to do the same. Tell them to calm down, and if needed, to step back and talk about it when he or she have calmed down. It is important for you to realize that raising voices is the result of you raising your voice as well, so the only defensive response is to get heard as well, hence, raising their voice. So by keeping your voice at low decibels, you do not allow the other person to elevate their tone, and if they do, your response can go this way: " I didn't hear myself scream, why are you yelling? or I don't see why you are so defensive or angry about it, we are just talking as mature adults, or I understand this can be a sensitive subject for you as it is for me, but you don't see me get all pissed off, so I would appreciate you doing the same". As you can see, you take control of the situation here and do not allow the other one to pursue their motive to intimidate you or take control of the situation, which leaves you feeling guilty about what is being discussed.

As some of my PhD classes were related to human psychology, I came to realization that the tools acquired during my apprenticeship are extremely useful during my daily interaction with my business partners and significant other. I always feel like going back to my old self at time, which is opting for the defensive approach but I digress. I take time to understand the problem and use my new found knowledge to handle all problems and find the most plausible solution. It is a win win scenario for everyone. They get free therapy and everyone end up happy.

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Calm Down! Chillax

God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay...

No one knows who wrote these lyrics but it is believed that they originated in the sixteenth century when bands travelled around London singing in taverns. The first publication was in 1833 and since then, people in different countries have adopted this carol as part of their traditional celebrations at Christmastime.

The word "dismay" is not one that we usually use in everyday conversation. It means "distress". There are more contemporary ways of stating "Let nothing you dismay". One day, for example, when I was in a bit of a panic at work trying to get everything done, my son said "Chillax". At first I was puzzled as I had never heard this word before. Once I thought about it though and realized that it is a combination of the words "chill" and "relax" I laughed.

People need to chillax more often. Those who focus on the past and worry about all the things that they cannot change, set themselves up for depression. On the other hand, individuals who are concerned about the future and waste both time and effort trying to predict what hasn't even happened yet are vulnerable for an anxiety disorder.

The best way to stay peaceful and calm is to practice living in the moment. Each day focus on doing things that will promote self-care and well-being. Take action and do things rather than staring at the wall while chaos piles up around you. Ensure that your environment is clean, organized and positive. Bring out all the special items that you have been saving for company and enjoy them! Chillax!

If you have issues and feel "stuck", find someone who has a record of successfully resolving similar problems. Do some research so that you will gain understanding and know the options that are available for you to consider.

The first line of this carol gives us a good hint about how to handle life better. It suggests that gentlemen (and gentlewomen of course) should rest. The ability to think clearly and enjoy a good mood are improved when we get enough sleep. I was going to suggest that you turn off the television and head to bed a little earlier. But then I thought about the fact that there weren't televisions in the sixteen hundreds. Funny to think that the tavern singers were trying to encourage those who were drinking and dismaying to go home and get some sleep!

It really doesn't matter which century in which a human is born. There always have been and always will be temptations that can interfere with healthy living. But getting enough rest and not allowing distress to rule our lives will bring us the rewards offered in the final line of this carol: Tidings of comfort and joy!

Chillax!

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Improving Marital Communication By Slowing Down

Communication is central to our ability to connect well with our spouse and to work with them in resolving presenting issues that arise in day to day life. Though there are many facets of communication, I want to focus on one specific area that I find married couples are often unaware of that can make a significant and positive difference in how they communicate with each other: slowing down.

SLOWING DOWN?

Slowing down is a broad phrase that needs to be defined. In this particular context, I'm not referring to enunciating slowly or having fewer events on our calendar. I'm referring to something more difficult, and possibly more important: controlling our emotional responses.

That's right, controlling how we respond to our spouse in spite of how we feel. This is something that is always easier said than done, especially when we're having a disagreement and can feel our emotions steadily rising. It's usually at these critical points that we say or do things that we regret, and ultimately place the emotional safety in our marriage at risk.

Maintaining that emotional safety and preventing painful breaches is fundamental to a healthy marriage. Protecting your marriage in this regard is simply too difficult when we allow our emotions to guide our responses. That's why we need to put principles like slowing down in place. Let's take a moment to examine how we can put this unique principle to work in our marriages.

TAKE TIME TO CALM DOWN

Taking time to calm down may seem entirely elementary, but I assure you it is not. It takes a mature and disciplined individual to recognize a conversation is quickly breaking down, decide to disengage for a period of time, and obtain the space needed to calm down emotionally.

I realize that many spouses would prefer to have their partner remain with them until their disagreement is resolved, however staying together and continuing to talk may only lead to further conflict or the emotional withdrawal of one or both members. The reality is there are times when slowing down and doing the following is far more constructive:

1. Identify when a conflict is developing.

2. Break from the conversation and allow each member to have adequate time to rest emotionally.

3. Continue the needed conversation later that day after each person has calmed down.

These steps allow each spouse to move out of fight or flight tendencies, to reflect upon why they are experiencing a sense of heightened emotion, and to prepare to calmly disclose the basis of their frustration, anger, hurt, or sadness when their conversation resumes.

It also helps to do something which helps you calm down and relax. Take a walk, work out, pray, listen to music you enjoy, read, or apply a different strategy. Either way, do something that you enjoy to help your body and mind to rest before returning to the conversation with your partner.

I write this knowing that couples who obtain this type of rest are better positioned to calmly express their thoughts and emotions to each other, and to work through important issues in a fashion that helps build the emotional connection between them.

PRACTICE EMPATHY

Empathy is a truly unique and powerful human capacity that goes a long way in marital communication when it's applied. For some people, empathy is more of a natural response. For others, it is something they have to work to develop.

In either case, empathy is a resource we need to become proficient in using if we desire to see our communication with our spouse reach new levels.

I've frequently seen couples come into marriage counseling sessions angry, defensive and in conflict with each other. They seemed to be getting nowhere in their conflict, aside from only escalating the situation at hand. After helping them slow down and apply use of empathy, they begin to engage very differently.

Not only are they able to calm down, they are better able to understand the perspective of their spouse and validate what they had been going through emotionally. Watching this transformation occur is nothing short of incredible. Furthermore, these experiences speak to our ability to literally improve and change the nature of our conversations, while increasing our understanding of our spouse.

The following is a brief exercise that you can follow to practice using empathy:

• Take 60 seconds to mentally put yourself in your spouse's position.
• Ask yourself, "If I was them, What would I be feeling? or What would I be thinking?"
• Take additional time to reflect upon the thoughts and feelings generated by this exercise, and allow yourself to consider them in light of how your spouse is responding.
• Like most couples, you'll probably find that putting yourself in your spouse's position enables you to be more sensitive to their stated needs, concerns, desires and emotional responses.

I would encourage you to practice this exercise multiple times a day, whether you and your spouse are together or apart. If you happen to be apart, know that you can later engage them by saying something to the effect of: "I was thinking about you earlier, and am wondering if you might be feeling (e.g., anxious, hurt, etc.) or be thinking about (e.g., our disagreement earlier this week, etc.)."

This type of engagement is important because it immediately lets your spouse know you were thinking about them (which is always a great sentiment to express) and conveys that you are genuinely sensitive to their emotional and marital needs.

SETTING BOUNDARIES EARLY

Last but not least, set boundaries in your conversations as a means of slowing down and preventing conflict from developing. This is a truly important step in healthy communication. I've often seen spouses neglect setting boundaries and end up in a painful negative communication cycle (e.g., one member harshly pursues / the other member emotionally withdraws) in which both members feel hurt and misunderstood.

It's far better to know your emotional limits in a conversation and to make them known early, in order to protect yourself and to help your spouse better understand how to redirect their approach to you.

For example:

"I care about you and would be glad to listen to you, however please stop attacking me with your words."

"I know you would like to keep talking about this, but I feel myself shutting down. Let's break for a few minutes, rest, and continue afterwards."

The objective is to be aware of your own emotional process, to use an I feel statement reflecting those emotions, and to make your communication needs known to your spouse as soon as a possible. Setting a boundary in this way will help you slow down the emotional process between you, as opposed to seeing it quickly escalate into something destructive.

BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER IN PRAYER

All of these strategies are helpful. And yet, implementing any of them well requires that our hearts are in the right place.

Prayer is central in this regard, as it reminds us of our larger calling to live out our desire to honor the Lord each day, especially by loving and caring for our spouse.

It also helps us gauge whether we are allowing The Fruit of the Spirit to be evident in our day to day lives:

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law (Galatians 5:22)."

Couples who infuse their relationship with these fruit will greatly benefit from peace and connection that follow in their relationship.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Improving-Marital-Communication-By-Slowing-Down&id=9392417

3 Simple Ways To Relax and Calm Down

Do you find yourself running around and running out of time? Is there never enough time in the day? Do you find it hard to relax? If this is you then try these simple ways to relax and bring a sense of calm to your body and mind:

1. Breathing

You can change the way you feel by simply breathing more deeply. Try this simple exercise:

Close your eyes (if it's safe to do so), take a deep breath in and hold for as long as is comfortable. Let your breath out slowly and as you do so relax your whole body. Breathe in for a 2nd time and hold, then slowly breathe out, relaxing your whole body even more. Repeat this breathing pattern until you begin to notice a positive change in your body and you start to feel more relaxed and energised.

2. Letting Go

If you have a spare 5 minutes, find a seat and sit down. Close your eyes. Become aware of any negative feelings coming up in your body. How do they make you feel? Where do you feel them in your body? What sensations are you experiencing?

As you sit, begin to allow these feelings to come to the fore. Don't try to suppress them, allow them to come to the surface and just be with the sensations that arise from the thoughts and feelings. Focus on them fully. If you begin to feel sensations such as heat, sweaty palms and an increased heart rate, deepen your breathing, focus on the sensations and repeat to yourself the words "Let go, let go, let go... " Allow the sensations to flow up and through you, remaining with them until they begin to subside.

By repeating this simple exercise many times, over time you'll begin to let go of negative thoughts and feelings. The sensations that go with them will become less and less intense, and your body will become more relaxed.

3. Slowing Your Pace

One way of bringing a sense of relaxation to your day when you feel you don't have time to do any calming exercises, is to bring a sense of peace to whatever you're doing. If, for example, you are typing, slow your pace down as far as possible and simultaneously increase your focus.

Look deeply at every letter that you type and in so doing allow your increased focus to occupy your mind completely such that everything else is pushed out. Continue this exercise for as long as you can or until you are interrupted. This will not only give you a sense of control, but will also increase your concentration levels.

http://ezinearticles.com/?3-Simple-Ways-To-Relax-and-Calm-Down&id=9372489

10 Ways to Calm Down When You're Angry

Anger can get in the way of productivity and can sap our positive energy. Wouldn't it be nice if you could quickly move on from being angry? Here are 10 simple strategies to quickly overcome anger and take back your positivity.

1. Go for a walk

Simply taking a break and going for a walk can do wonders for anger. It gives you time to calm down and sort your thoughts out while getting some fresh air. Go for a quick 20 minute walk and before you know it your mind will be more calm.

2. Phone a friend

Sometimes we just need to talk to someone who understands. Calling a sympathetic friend you trust can go a long way in getting over something that has made you angry. Talk through the issue you are dealing with but be careful not to yell or be rude to your friend. Knowing that you are not alone with your issue can do wonders for your mood.

3. Think about someone else's needs

It feels good to have someone sympathize with you. It also feels good to sympathize with others. When someone does something that makes you angry try thinking about what their needs might be. This is one of the harder strategies for getting over anger but it is also one of the most effective. For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic think about what need they might have. Maybe they are late for a job interview, maybe their wife is having a baby, or maybe they just have a lot on their mind. Seeing them in a more human light may help you get over your initial anger at their behavior.

4. Have a mantra

If you find yourself getting angry frequently it may be a good idea to have a mantra that you can repeat in your head whenever you start to feel anger. This could be a simple word such as "peace" or a short sentence such as, "I love and accept myself and others." Practice feeling calm as you say your mantra every morning when you are relaxed. When you are in more difficult situations your mantra should bring back that calm feeling.

5. Meditate

If you can remove yourself from the anger provoking situation it is a good idea to try to meditate. Try some simple visualization techniques such as imagining yourself in a beautiful place like a beach and focus on the beauty around you. Another technique you can try is to focus your attention on relaxing your body starting with your toes. Once your toes are relaxed focus on your calves, then your thighs, and continue until you are at the top of your head. Meditation can do wonders for mood and relaxation.

6. Do breathing exercises

This is something you can do even if you can't get away. Try taking 3 very deep breaths that fill your diaphragm completely. Take your time inhaling and exhaling. This will help your body and mind relax and will provide time for you to calm down.

7. Drink some chamomile

Chamomile, lavender, and valerian make great teas for de-stressing and relaxing. The act of making yourself a cup of tea will give you time to distance yourself from the event that made you angry. Once you've made your tea take some time to take in the relaxing smells and enjoy the taste.

8. Be assertive

If someone has been rude to you or done something that makes you angry it can be very helpful to confront them in an assertive way. It can feel good to stand up for yourself while not sinking to their level. Kill their rudeness with kindness and replace what would be a feeling of anger with a feeling of pride in your emotional strength.

9. Head to the gym

Sometimes anger can be energizing. A great way to use that energy is to sweat it out. Not only will you get a great workout but exhausting yourself will help you sleep at night. Head to the gym or go for a run. Channel your anger onto a punching bag and reap the benefits of getting in shape.

10. Have a laugh

Laughter can certainly be the best medicine. Getting yourself to laugh not only gets you out of an angry state but can have a positive effect on your immune system. Know what makes you laugh and have easy access to it at all times. Is there a video, picture, or comic that always makes you laugh? Have it at the ready and take back your positive energy.

http://ezinearticles.com/?10-Ways-to-Calm-Down-When-Youre-Angry&id=9333372

Ten ways to fight your fears

 

Whatever it is that scares you, here are 10 ways to help you cope with your day-to-day fears and anxieties.

1. Take time out

It feels impossible to think clearly when you're flooded with fear or anxiety. A racing heart, sweating palms and feeling panicky and confused are the result of adrenalin. So, the first thing to do is take time out so you can physically calm down.

Distract yourself from the worry for 15 minutes by walking around the block, making a cup of tea or having a bath. When you've physically calmed down, you'll feel better able to decide on the best way to cope.

2. What's the worst that can happen?

When you're anxious about something – be it work, a relationship or an exam – it can help to think through what the worst end result could be. Even if a presentation, a call or a conversation goes horribly wrong, chances are that you and the world will survive. Sometimes the worst that can happen is a panic attack.

If you start to get a faster heartbeat or sweating palms, the best thing is not to fight it. Stay where you are and simply feel the panic without trying to distract yourself. Placing the palm of your hand on your stomach and breathing slowly and deeply (no more than 12 breaths a minute) helps soothe the body.

It may take up to an hour, but eventually the panic will go away on its own. The goal is to help the mind get used to coping with panic, which takes the fear of fear away.

3. Expose yourself to the fear

Avoiding fears only makes them scarier. If you panic one day getting into a lift, it's best to get back into a lift the next day. Stand in the lift and feel the fear until it goes away. Whatever your fear, if you face it, it should start to fade.

4. Welcome the worst

Each time fears are embraced, it makes them easier to cope with the next time they strike, until in the end they are no longer a problem. Try imagining the worst thing that can happen – perhaps it's panicking and having a heart attack. Then try to think yourself into having a heart attack. It's just not possible. The fear will run away the more you chase it.

5. Get real

Fears tend to be much worse than reality. Often, people who have been attacked can't help thinking they're going to be attacked again every time they walk down a dark alley. But the chance that an attack will happen again is actually very low.

Similarly, people sometimes tell themselves they're a failure because they blush when they feel self-conscious. This then makes them more upset. But blushing in stressful situations is normal. By remembering this, the anxiety goes away.

6. Don't expect perfection

Black-and-white perfectionist thinking such as, "If I'm not the best mum in the world, I'm a failure," or, "My DVDs aren't all facing in the same direction, so my life is a mess," are unrealistic and only set us up for anxiety.

Life is full of stresses, yet many of us feel that our lives must be perfect. Bad days and setbacks will always happen, and it's essential to remember that life is messy. 

7. Visualise

Take a moment to close your eyes and imagine a place of safety and calm – it could be a picture of you walking on a beautiful beach, or snuggled up in bed with the cat next to you, or a happy memory from childhood. Let the positive feelings soothe you until you feel more relaxed.

8. Talk about it

Sharing fears takes away a lot of their scariness. If you can't talk to a partner, friend or family member, call a helpline such as the Samaritans (08457 90 90 90, open 24 hours a day). And if your fears aren't going away, ask your GP for help. GPs can refer people for counselling, psychotherapy or online help through an online service called Fear-Fighter.

9. Go back to basics

A good sleep, a wholesome meal and a walk are often the best cures for anxiety. The easiest way to fall asleep when worries are spiralling through the mind can be to stop trying to nod off. Instead, try to stay awake.

Many people turn to alcohol or drugs to self-treat anxiety with the idea that it will make them feel better, but these only make nervousness worse. On the other hand, eating well will make you feel great physically and mentally.

10. Reward yourself

Finally, give yourself a treat. When you've picked up that spider or made that call you've been dreading, reinforce your success by treating yourself to a candlelit bath, a massage, a country walk, a concert, a meal out, a book, a DVD, or whatever little gift makes you happy.

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/overcoming-fears.aspx

7 Quick Ways to Calm Down When You Are Overwhelmed

Do you need some quick and effective ways to calm down? Do you sometimes feel that you add items to your to-do list faster than you tick them off? Do you spend most of your day worrying about your lack of time?

The truth is, no matter how much we love our job, or how productive we believe we are under stress, there comes a moment when the pressure rises above boiling point. The sheer number of urgent tasks multiplies in a geometric progression. New possibilities no longer sound inspiring, they sound overwhelming and equal more work.

If that’s where you are right now – keep reading! If not, it doesn’t mean you should wait until you get there to learn how to cope with a demanding work schedule and how to calm yourself down quickly when you feel overwhelmed.

Here are 7 quick and easy ways to calm down when you are overwhelmed:

1. Let go of a few activities

Yes, it’s that easy! Take a look at your to-do list and ask yourself, “If I don’t do it today, will it matter a month from now?”

Not every urgent task is important. Just like not every important, high pay-off task is urgent. The best way to keep yourself from getting overwhelmed and to manage your time is to know the difference between the two and learn to simplify your life by getting your to-do list down to three big tasks.

2. Take deep breaths to calm down

This advice sounds so simple it’s often overlooked. But it works better (and faster) than any other relaxation technique out there. There is a direct connection between our emotional state and breathing. An anxious, frustrated or overwhelmed person breathes as if they have just finished running a marathon. A calm person breathes differently. Their breathing is deep, slow and steady. So the best way to bring your heart rate down and to regain your cool is to change your breathing.

Try this now: take a slow, deep breath in, filling your lungs with air and expanding your diaphragm. Hold your breath for four counts and then slowly release the air through your mouth. Repeat four times and notice frustration and the feeling of being overwhelmed dissolve with each long exhale.

3. Make “Just one thing” your mantra

When we feel overwhelmed by the amount of tasks on our to-do list, it’s easy to enter the ‘deer in the headlights’ state. You see deadlines approaching directly towards you, and you know that something has to be done about them, but you just don’t know where to start.

The best way to get your mind out of an ‘inactivity trance’ is to create momentum. This is what makes the “Just one thing” mantra so powerful. It helps to change our expectation that everything has to be completed right now, “or else.”

Next time you feel overwhelmed make grabbing a cup of coffee your “Just one thing.” You can do it, right? Then come back, pick one of the smallest tasks on your to-do list and tell yourself you’ll do just that one task. This is your next “Just one thing” that you will concentrate on until it’s complete. After that you can move on to the next task and so on.

Please note: It’s not “One thing at a time.” Saying this implies that there is a huge line of other tasks waiting to get done and that’s not the message you want to keep repeating to yourself.

4. Reduce the multi-tasking and multi-thinking

It’s been proven that multi-tasking is very inefficient, to the point of dumbing us down (more than smoking marijuana does). The same is true for multi-thinking, when your mind frantically jumps from one thought to another, trying to focus on and analyze several things all at once. Fortunately, there is help. A few minutes of meditation or brainwave music is all it takes to start feeling more relaxed, more creative and less overwhelmed.

5. Get moving

Any exercise you engage in – be it walking or dancing to your favorite beat – helps to pump some ‘feel-good’ hormones, called endorphins, through your body and to clear your mind. Staying active also increases your productivity, enhances your ability to cope with stress and helps you to vent nervous tension, boosting your mood and changing the thoughts that induce the sense of being overwhelmed.

The best part is you don’t have to spend hours in the gym to get the mind-soothing benefits of exercise. Even as little as 15 minutes of dancing or jogging can go a long way towards making you feel better and staying calmer.

6. Change your surroundings

We all need and deserve to take vacations from work woes and family responsibilities. Unfortunately, spending two weeks lazing on a beach, toes in the sand and a Mojito in hand, is not always an option. However, this doesn’t mean that we can’t take short ‘vacations’ from work stress and the technology buzz.

Go outside for a few minutes and enjoy the sunshine. Stop at a park instead of driving straight home from work. Sometimes changing your surroundings and ‘spicing up your routine’ is all it takes to change your perspective on things and find creative solutions to seemingly complex and overwhelming problems.

7. Get some pet therapy

Use pet therapy to calm down.

Studies have shown what most of us already guessed – our pets can be a great help during stressful moments. Simple actions such as petting or playing with your dog or cat can lower high blood pressure, improve your immune system and boost your mood. Besides, pets can make the best conversation partners to share your frustrations with. They listen, they love you unconditionally and they never talk back or say, “I told you so.”Extra tip: Don’t wait for stress to hit you to start practising these quick ways to calm down when you are overwhelmed. The best way to enjoy a worry-free life is not to push yourself to the limit of being overwhelmed and frustrated.What are your thoughts? What strategies help you to calm down quickly when you are feeling overwhelmed or frustrated?Most of the time you’ll take a break from your fast-paced life, then get right back on your horse and go back to getting things done. 

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/7-quick-ways-calm-down-when-you-are-overwhelmed.html