If You Are Often Unhappy, Here Are Ten Things Research Shows You Could Find Helpful

Some time ago, there was a report by the London School of Economics on happiness. It said, among other things, that people who are married or in long term relationships tend to be happier and live longer than other people. This will surprise anyone who has listened to too many old-fashioned jokes about "the wife" and "the mother-in-law". Who is laughing now? The Report also mentions depression and stress as major reasons why many people are not happy. I have written about my contribution to stress on one of my blogs.

I am aware of a lot of other research in the last decade or so, which began in the University of Mexico, into what makes us happy, which made a change from all the studies in the Twentieth Century into neuroses, psychoses, manias etc. In other words, they used to study only people who were far from happy.

Here are the ten principal elements:

A. Accumulation of wealth does not make you happier. Poverty makes people unhappy, but beyond a certain level happiness does not increase with material wellbeing, although some say they would rather be miserable in comfort. The love of money is the root of evil.

B. Be yourself. Don't be a square peg in a round hole. Do not blame yourself for not being someone else. We have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us.

C. Count your blessings. Think about the plusses. It is easy to focus on the negative. Rejoice at all times.

D. Do good. Happiness grows as you give it away. Love thy neighbour.

E. Enjoy life. Consciously absorb the good things around you. God has given us all good things to enjoy.

F. Forgive people who hurt you. You do not have to condone their actions. Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.

G. Give thanks to people who help you. Write to a teacher, mentor or someone who helped you through a bad patch. It is good to give thanks.

H. Health - take reasonable care of it, without becoming obsessive (that leads to stress!). Avoid the worst pitfalls of smoking, unhealthy diet, excessive alcohol, or lack of exercise or sleep. Moderation in all things.

I. Invest in relationships - don't be a recluse. This is the one item on which experts disagree. Some say introverts are happier if they do not force themselves to socialise. Whatever you think about this, make a positive decision, do not let life determine it for you. Do not neglect to meet together.

JK. Just Know how to deal with catastrophes, whether through religion, philosophy or something more down to earth. Bad things happen to almost everyone at times. We all need something to hold on to, otherwise one event can destroy your whole life. God is a very present help in troubles.

Is there a link?

In addition to all these things, it was generally found that people regularly involved in a church, mosque or other religious organisation were happier than average. This could be because of the links between religion and all the above factors. The feeling that life is not random but controlled by Someone, may also help some people. It has been observed that many of these points are similar to advice found in the Bible. None of them are contrary to its teaching, anyway. Perhaps it is to do with following the Maker's instructions. However, they are just as valid, whatever your religion or other philosophy.

Does anyone keep to all ten guidelines?

You might not be able to implement all these suggestions, whether you are in a longterm relationship or not, but see how many you can. I hope it will increase your happiness.

http://ezinearticles.com/?If-You-Are-Often-Unhappy,-Here-Are-Ten-Things-Research-Shows-You-Could-Find-Helpful&id=9792552

How to Persuade Someone to Trust You

There are always people in life that we want to trust to verify our various decisions, to have a good relationship and bonding and on the overall, to be mutually benefited. But how do we form this magical trust with the people in our life? Read on for insights.

For instance, you have just entered office life and your Boss gave you a task. Complete it before the deadline and handover to him. Now that is called trust bonding. Perform like this several times and you will win his permanent trust in you.

How about your spouse? You just got married and have bought a home and are living together. How can you earn his full trust? Cook good recipes for a while, especially his favorite dishes and he will not only love them but also love you wholeheartedly.

How about your children? How can you earn their trust and make sure they are not lying or hiding something about their friends or any school events. Give them full attention and encourage them to talk. Have a lively conversation. Let them speak out their woes and concerns. Soothe and comfort them and suggest solutions for their problems. They will love you more instantly and there you have formed a well-deserving trust bond again.

Do you trust one or two of your favorite friends? Form friendship in your community or at work. You are likely to enjoy their company through sharing you life's stories- both good and bad. They can offer advice on your pressing problems and will always care to listen to you. You also help them in times of their need. That way a bonding of trust will form for which you will always be grateful.

When you have no one to hold on to, trust God and the Universe. He will help to bring good people in your life on whom you can anchor your faith and trust. They will help to ease out your problems and you will feel great and get back the mojo of life.

How do you persuade your students to excel in school if you are a teacher?Again you need a bonding of trust. Explain to them lucidly a good educational background will help them to climb up the ladder of success fast and quick. Repeat your lectures and explain in more lucid terms if they don't understand something. If majority of them do bad on a quiz, try to compensate for it in some way either by giving assignments or taking another extra quiz. That way the students will understand that you care about them and are committed to helping them out and naturally they will consider you to be their favorite teacher.

What about saleswomen? How do they convince customers to buy their products? Now everything can be ordered online. Post good reviews by people who have already purchased them online. Also when the customers come to the store, show good manners, courtesies and read-to-help attitude. That way you will gain more customers, and still more and more will prefer to buy your products.

Summing up, these are some of the great ways you can form a chain of trust with the people at home, work or marketplace and not only you but also the other party will benefit from this bonding. In fact, it is a case of mutual trust and you have much to celebrate as you keep creating them everywhere you go.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Persuade-Someone-to-Trust-You&id=9610935

7 Keys to Intimacy - How to Enhance Intimacy in Your Relationship

A relationship is not complete without intimacy. Intimacy is defined as "seeing into me" and it is a very important factor to have a happy and healthy relationship. To build a strong and long-lasting relationship is to understand each others' needs. Here are seven keys for improving intimacy:

Listen to Your Partner

Anna and John just got married and they both listen to each other about everything. They discovered that they still have so much to learn from one another and this gives a thrill in their relationship. Active listening means to focus, and not thinking about what you are going to say next. Look at your partner in the eye and be silent and focus while he or she is talking. Listening to your partner will help strengthen your relationship.

Have a Date

Dating can help bring back intimacy in a lot of ways. It helps in reviving intimacy and helps in going out of each others 'comfort zones. Ask your partner for a date sometime. Get dressed up and spend time with one another. Dating brings back laughter and lets you reminisce the good times. A date can be fun and romantic and it can simply be watching a romantic movie or going out to a nice restaurant. This helps your relationship have another spark and passion.

Massage Your Partner

Massage is a wonderful therapy in bringing intimacy. Fill the room with aromatic candles to set up a relaxing mood and use scented oil in massaging your partner. A nice massage relaxes the mind and muscles and gives a refreshing feel. Touch is vital in improving intimacy and a massage can be truly revitalizing.

Individual growth

When you grow individually, you will find that you have something new to bring into the relationship. Individual growth can help broaden your ways of thinking, believing, and taking responsibility in living a happy and independent life together. This makes your relationship more intimate.

Be Spiritual Together

Being spiritually intimate can help your relationship by giving a great sense of connection and higher purpose in your togetherness. Your relationship can grow stronger and as individuals, you get to give your partner a positive sense of life. Being spiritual together makes a lasting relationship and gives a sense of fulfilment.

Be Supportive

There are four different types of support and these are physical and emotional support, offering self-esteem support, advice-giving support, and tangible support that offer assistance in problem solving and responsibilities. Relationships can grow when these kinds of support are given to their partners. One morning, Mary was nervous as she prepared for her project proposal with the Board of Directors in her workplace. Alex was there to give her emotional support by hugging her and wishing her good luck to boost her confidence. Providing support is one way to increase intimacy in your relationship.

Make Time for Romance

Romance is important in intimacy and there are many ways to have a romantic time together. Lighting aromatic candles never fail to set the mood romantically and sharing a glass or two of wine while talking to each other is great. Share a kiss and have a delightful talk too as all of these can lead to a wonderful time together and it can be a fun and satisfying moment.

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Seven Steps to Keep Your Sanity During a Divorce

Going through a divorce can be overwhelming in more ways than one: your emotions will go up and down like a roller coaster for several months and you will feel pulled in many directions all at once. You also may have to sell your home and other property, find a new place to live, and adjust to being a single parent. Divorce can take a devastating toll on your financial, emotional and social health, but there are several ways to cope with the changes and instability:

1) Take Time to Grieve

A divorce is a loss and therefore requires grieving. It is important to take time to go through this grieving process and acknowledge your feelings. Remember that in time of divorce, friends and family will take sides, so not only be ready to let go of your spouse, but also of some friendships. This will add pain to the separation process but is a necessary step towards your new life.

2) Build an Emotional and Social Support Network

This is a crucial time to rely on your loved ones, whether it means your family and/or your friends, and search for the emotional support you need. Surround yourself with people who will let you share your feelings and offer a leaning shoulder without judging your situation or decisions. Make the time to go out to dinner or a movie. Laugh, enjoy the present moment and the good company. Remember that laughter is great medicine.

3) Get Professional Help

If you feel that the support from your family or friends is not enough, seek out professional help. Relationship counselors can teach you coping skills for each situation you will be struggling with during the divorce process. A counselor will also help you bring the focus back on you, and help you distance yourself from your ex-spouse. Reconnecting with your individuality and identifying your own needs and desires is very important, especially if you were married for a long time.

4) Get Moving

It is not essential to join a gym to add exercise to your daily life, but it is crucial that you take care of yourself physically. Divorce is considered one of life's most traumatic events, and its toll on the body and the mind can have devastating and long-lasting effects. Exercise releases endorphins and helps you decrease stress levels. It also helps you sleep better, which will improve your mental focus during the day, at work and at home.

5) Take it One Day at a Time and Remember Who You Are

Thinking about the future can be overwhelming, especially when so many factors have to be considered and your life path seems uncertain. By breaking large steps into smaller steps, you can get closer to your goals without the increased emotional toll and stress. In addition, divorce is not only an end but also a new beginning -- the perfect opportunity to remember the person you were before the marriage. Consider reconnecting with your old hobbies or find new ones that will make you happy.

6) Be Strong for Your Children

By taking all the necessary steps mentioned above, you will become a better parent, emotionally and physically stronger. Remember that a divorce can be very difficult for children too, and they will need your emotional support. Children can be a great motivation to pulling yourself together, helping you focus on a new and happy life with them.

7) Reduce the Emotional and Financial Toll by Hiring a Divorce Mediator

Going through the divorce process does not have to be excruciating and if you and your spouse think that you can work things amicably, then choose a divorce mediator instead of hiring separate attorneys. Besides reducing your financial expenses, divorce mediation will mitigate friction between spouses as the mediator encourages communication and compromise to reach a consensus regarding the division of assets and debts, child custody and visitation schedule, child support, and spousal support, in a reasonable amount of time. A shorter divorce process will help you start the healing process sooner.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Seven-Steps-to-Keep-Your-Sanity-During-a-Divorce&id=9410396

Healing From A Relationship With A Narcissist

Healing from a relationship with a narcissist is a learned process. Learn it now!

Many of us have been there.

You met the person of your dreams - charming, intelligent, romantic, attentive, incredible chemistry and great lover. You might have been told how wonderful you are, how this was the first time your lover had ever felt this way and had this level of connection, and you felt truly seen for the first time.

Perhaps there was a nagging unease that all this was happening too fast - that he or she couldn't possibly feel this way about you without knowing you better. But you were swept off your feet and finally decided to open your heart.

The confusion may have started then, as your lover pulled away and become critical. Or, it might have started after you married, and you found yourself with a partner totally different than the person you fell in love with.

Whether your relationship was two months or two years or two decades, it was likely tumultuous, confusing and painful. And if you were married and then divorced, it might have been more painful or even frightening.

There is much healing for you to do if you were in love with a narcissist.

The Process of Healing From Your Narcissistic Partner

1) First you need to be very compassionate with yourself and let yourself grieve for the huge loss of what you had hoped for. It might seem easier to judge yourself for the big mistakes you believe you made, but self-judgment will keep you stuck. There is no possibility of healing when you judge yourself.

Each time the grief comes up, embrace it with kindness and caring toward yourself. Even though you know it's better to have ended this relationship, it's hard to let go of the intensity of a relationship with a narcissist. It's hard to imagine a future relationship that isn't boring compared to the intensity you've been experiencing.

2) Once some of the grief has subsided, then it's time to go inward and explore why you were vulnerable to this person. Was your partner giving you what you were not giving to yourself? Was your partner seeing you and valuing you in the way you need to be seeing and valuing yourself? Did you ignore some red flags because you so wanted it all to be true?

Did you make excuses for your partner to avoid facing the truth? Did you give yourself up to try to have control over getting your partner to be loving to you again? What did you sacrifice to keep the relationship - your integrity, your financial security, your time with family and/or friends, your time for yourself, your inner knowing?

It's vitally important to be honest with yourself so that you don't end up feeling like a victim, and so that you have less of a chance of repeating this in a future relationship.

During this time of self-reflection, it's very important to get support. You might want to join a 12-Step CODA group, go into therapy/facilitation, and/or join a support group.

3) Educate yourself about narcissism. There are numerous books, websites and articles devoted to understanding narcissism. Since I'm certain that you don't want to repeat this, you need to do all you can to learn about what happened. You need to become sensitive to the numerous red flags so that you can pick them up very early in a subsequent relationship.

One of my clients shared that she had met a man six years ago, dated him a few times, and then they remained distant friends. Recently, when she was in his town, they saw each other and she was very attracted to him. He came on strong, inviting her to join him on an upcoming European vacation. She felt uneasy, but a day later texted him to see if he wanted to have dinner with her. He never responded to the invitation. It took her only 24 hours to recognize these two red flags of narcissism - coming on strong and then disappearing. She was pleased that she found this out so soon! Instead of beating herself up for being attracted to another narcissist, she congratulated herself for staying open to the truth.

Since narcissists are often very attractive, any of us can become attracted. But whether or not we will pursue it depends on how much Inner Bonding work we have done.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Healing-From-A-Relationship-With-A-Narcissist&id=9396212

Miserable Together But Can't Afford To Leave?

Listening to a friend recently who was totally miserable, married to a man who neither loved or respected her I found myself wondering why they were still together.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, when a marriage ends, the woman is the one who files for divorce two-thirds of the time.

So why doesn't my friend leave her husband?

For a man, his main reason is:

• Lack of physical intimacy.
• Meeting another woman.
• He's no longer no.1 (especially when children come along).
• For her and many like her, the reasons are not always clear, women leave for very different reasons.

Lack of, or no emotional connection. For a woman, there needs to be an emotional intimacy before a physical one. If there is no emotional intimacy sex is unlikely to follow. A husband needs to know what she's thinking and how she is feeling, not always an easy thing to figure out!

Miss matched Finances. Usually, the couple is going in different directions when it comes to money. One maybe a spend thrift the other cannot save. One may be a risk taker the other very conservative when it comes to investments. Either way, it spells disaster if not sorted especially if the man holds the purse strings.

Spending time with family. Whilst women like to engage with wider family members, men are more reluctant to spend time with their mother in law. Discipline and child welfare usually comes under the woman's domain and when the men do step in it's usually not of the same opinion of the wife. Whilst many men still perceive themselves as the breadwinners women resent the fact that they work full-time and still have full-time childcare.

Conflict solving. People rarely agree 100% of the time, finding the common ground can make for a better relationship but if one person always has to back down then resentment will build. Never argue in front of children and always have a common approach to child welfare and discipline.

Controlling or abusive behaviour is never acceptable on either part, man or woman. When it starts it will rarely stop and in many cases, emotional abuse will turn physical.

And the upshot of all this is that woman feel happier, relieved and have a certainty that they were right to end their marriage (despite evidence that divorce may harm their children)

In order for a relationship to work there has to be an investment from both the husband and wife.

We put our time, energy and money into a marriage but more importantly we invest passion, intimacy, and affection... sometimes, just sometimes when we've given all we've got to give there is nothing left.

When this happens we have to say "enough is enough" and walk away.

5 ways to support yourself if you separate...

1. Talk to local advisory services about divorce - find out who you need to inform and why.
2. Seek legal advice before you leave - many solicitors will offer free legal services (30mins sessions).
3. There are many money advice services on the internet who give information regarding the Benefits system and what you may be entitled to.
4. Family and friends are an invaluable support network, swallow your pride and ask for help, don't try to do it alone. There is a huge social media network online to offer advice and support.
5. If you are in danger always contact the police first, don't hesitate, look after yourself.

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