You Got Triggered, Now What? Reflections on Mindfully Moving Through a Stress Response (By Jennifer C Jackson)

I had just done the very thing I advise people not to do. I was all relaxed and ready for bed, but decided to check my email one last time. In truth, I had been having a tense online conversation, and was hoping to find a peaceful resolution in my in-box. Unfortunately, the opposite was true. Our miscommunication had taken an even worse turn and now there was a toxic blast waiting for me. Sure enough, I could feel my heart racing, my brainwaves moving faster, and stress hormones coursing through my body. Not what you want when preparing for sleep!

In the past this would have completely overwhelmed me. As my body moved into fight or flight, panic would have set in - both around the content of the email and the fact that my body had moved completely in the opposite direction of sleep right at bedtime. I would have felt like a helpless victim. Sleep would have been out of the question for that night and this one little incident could easily have started a two month bout of insomnia.

Now I can't say I was able to go right to bed after this and fall into a deep, peaceful sleep, but I did have strategies in place that helped me keep my power and perspective, and drastically shorten the effects.

In this case, the very first thing I did was laugh! What was I thinking checking my email like that when I knew a toxic nugget was a possibility? I had broken my own rule and now I was paying the price. Okay, so be it. I was clearly going to be awake for a bit, so it was time to make the best of the situation.

When my husband went to bed, I settled down on the couch, knowing I might be there for a while. I became very present with the physical stress symptoms. I tapped on my racing heart and mind and the stress hormones I could feel rushing through my body. I tapped and tapped until it became slightly less intense.

Next, I took this as an opportunity to grow and learn. What about this email had triggered me so badly? What part of this could I own? What could I do differently next time to avoid a miscommunication like this in the future? What lesson, gift, or gem might be buried in this situation? As I answered these questions in my journal, I tapped on the various responses. Finally around 1:00 a.m., I felt my body shift and knew I would be able to get some sleep. It was not my best night, but far better than it would have been in the past.

It took a few more days of deep inner work and tapping to fully mine the gem out of the situation -- and my sleep was off for a couple of nights as well. However, because I managed to stay present the whole time - both with my mind and with the effects on my body - I never felt out of control or helpless. I knew resolution would come one way or another and that my sleep would calm down as well.

After a time, the situation did resolve. It was not the way I would have originally chosen, but I know now it is the highest and best resolution for all concerned. And my sleep has been great!

https://ezinearticles.com/?You-Got-Triggered,-Now-What?-Reflections-on-Mindfully-Moving-Through-a-Stress-Response&id=9494500

Use Habits To Change Your Being - Do We Really Have Freedom Of Choice?

One of the greatest weaknesses or flaws in the human design is that we function on habits.

If you observe yourself throughout the course of a day, you will find that the vast majority of things you say or do and even think, are automatic and repetitive, basically habitual functions.

This is why when something out of the ordinary happens, we are caught for a moment in a blank state, stunned as it were, and not knowing what to do.

There are some people who are of course quick and sharp witted and can respond to new situations instantly, but we are not all James Bond or Jason Bourne. Normal people get stuck in that moment of being shocked with something totally unexpected. This proves how much of your life is merely habitual responses that you could do 'with your eyes closed' or 'in your sleep'.

These sayings have developed because of the fact that we are nothing more than a collection of habits, functioning effectively in a state of conscious sleep.

Now, we will establish how habits are formed, which is very simple; repeat the same action or thought long enough and it becomes a habit.

From a spiritual and meditative perspective, this is one part of the two part value of mantras. A mantra is a word or short phrase that one repeats during meditation. The mantra is meant to focus your mind during meditation so that you stay present and not drift off to other thoughts, day dreaming or to sleep.

The second part of the value of a mantra is that if repeated long and often enough, it programs a thought habit in your mind.

Humans are essentially weak minded creatures.

Like all habits, forming one automatically is easy but to create one consciously is difficult. This means that if we are living in a situation where, for example, food is served to us at exactly the same time every day, we get in the habit of being hungry at that time of day regardless of if we want to or not.

This shows how we are no different than any wild animal. In Maldives the resort would feed the wild stingrays every day at 5:00. The rays, sharks and other fish would all come to the feeding spot starting at 4:30. That is how strong a habit can be to any animal, it can even tell time perfectly.

However, if we have to put in the effort to think and repeat a thought constantly, that is very difficult because our mind will go to its habitual way of functioning and drift to daydreams or other thoughts it is used to thinking.

Try This Exercise

Now we come to the personal challenge. To find a thought that you want to be playing in your head at all times which will replace and supersede the current random or negative thoughts you currently have.

Once you have found that thought, to repeat it constantly. When you realize you are not saying it, start saying it. It is that simple.

Music has a way of helping words stick in our mind, and so if you can make up or get a tune and replace the lyrics with your words, and play that song constantly, it will have the same effect as being fed your meal at exactly the same time every day.

Eventually your mind, like your body, will have those words as its default thoughts for when you are not consciously thinking. Meaning, when you go off in a daydream, those are the thoughts you will have.

For example, if you are a very sensitive person and get upset easily, it is commonly due to feeling that everyone wants to hurt you. If you choose as your mantra; "It's not personal" eventually, when someone says something that would normally upset you, the new habit will be to not take it personally and then you will not get upset.

If you examine the human being objectively, you will find that it is a relatively dumb animal, meaning it is easily programmed and the individual rarely thinks for itself. The difference a human has over other creatures is that it has the freedom, or at least potential, freedom of choice.

This powerful freedom allows us to choose to use our weakness to our advantage. If I am not just a dumb animal that follows whatever it is programmed to do, I have the potential to choose my own habits.

This is where you as an individual test if you actually have freedom of choice or not. If you do, then why are you staying as a robotic dumb animal with bad habits instead of choosing to master your mind and life?

The answer is actually quite simple, we call it self-lying. The reason you do not use your free will is because you believe you are far more consciously independent and in control of your mind and life than you actually are.

Basically, you reject the idea that you are nothing more than a dumb animal that never thinks for itself but only functions based on habits it acquired as it grew up.

When you accept the truth about yourself, which is not very pleasant or complimentary, only then will you have the opportunity to change. If you reject this and continue to believe what is not true, then you will stay the same.

We have given you enough examples to test and prove the truth of what you are, now it is up to you to have the courage to change it. The stakes are pretty high, the life you will live.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Use-Habits-To-Change-Your-Being---Do-We-Really-Have-Freedom-Of-Choice?&id=9432433

Tuning In (Tips on how to be a good listener to yourself so you can be a better listener to others).

How often do you feel really listened to? How often do you really listen to others? (Be honest.)

We know we’re in the presence of a good listener when we get that sweet, affirming feeling of really being heard. But sadly it occurs all too rarely. We can’t force others to listen, but we can improve our own listening, and perhaps inspire others by doing so.

Good listening means mindful listening. Like mindfulness itself, listening takes a combination of intention and attention. The intention part is having a genuine interest in the other person—their experiences, views, feelings, and needs. The attention part is being able to stay present, open, and unbiased as we receive the other’s words—even when they don’t line up with our own ideas or desires.

Paradoxically, being good at listening to others requires the ability to listen to yourself. If you can’t recognize your own beliefs and opinions, needs and fears, you won’t have enough inner space to really hear anyone else. So the foundation for mindful listening is self-awareness.

Here are some tips to be a good listener to yourself so you can be a good listener for others.

1. Check inside: “How am I feeling just now? Is there anything getting in the way of being present for the other person?” If something is in the way, decide if it needs to be addressed first or can wait till later.

2. Feeling your own sense of presence, extend it to the other person with the intention to listen fully and openly, with interest, empathy, and mindfulness.

3. Silently note your own reactions as they arise—thoughts, feelings, judgments, memories. Then return your full attention to the speaker.

4. Reflect back what you are hearing, using the speaker’s own words when possible, paraphrasing or summarizing the main point. Help the other person feel heard.

5. Use friendly, open-ended questions to clarify your understanding and probe for more. Affirm before you differ. Acknowledge the other person’s point of view—acknowledging is not agreeing!—before introducing your own ideas, feelings, or requests.

http://www.mindful.org/tuning-in/

How To Be The Happiest Person In The Room

Drama happens. People get upset with us, circumstances change, and life goes sideways. We can't control what's happening around us, but we can control how we respond to it.

So, let's stop letting external factors define our state of being, and take back the power to choose happiness. Here are five tips to staying peaceful, present, and positive no matter what the world throws at you.

1. Stop making excuses.

Happiness is a choice. No one is responsible for making us happy. Stop making excuses. Take a deep breath and embrace your ability to choose happiness.

2. Reflect before you act.

When a friend or co-worker is unhappy, it's easy to take it personally — especially if they're blaming you for their unhappiness. Rather than trying to fix the problem, or to escape it by avoiding the issue or the person, stay present within your own experience.

This doesn't mean becoming unresponsive to the legitimate needs of those you care about. It means staying focused, so you can appropriately analyze the situation. Take some time alone and calm any emotional reactions you feel about the other person’s problem. Notice any impulses that arise to take it on or defend your position in it. Breathe through the emotional waves.

3. Respond with intention.

Once you feel calm, objectively examine the situation. Ask yourself if you actually play a role in the other person’s discomfort. Is there something you can do to help without compromising your own boundaries? Can you respond without taking on a false sense of responsibility for their well-being? If so, make those changes.

4. Visualize resolution.

Whether you're struggling with your own unhappiness or someone else’s, practice compassion. We've all been in tough situations, so do what you'd like someone else to do for you. Send everyone involved in the situation, including yourself, thoughts of peace and strength. Visualize a harmonious outcome. Trust that each person can find his highest good.

5. Stay in your happy place.

Whether you've decided to engage in personal change, or support another in theirs, make the choice to stay happy throughout. Only you can create your happiness, through purposeful activities, loving relationships, creative pursuits, and spiritual practices. And, by sharing your happiness with others, you encourage positive change in their lives, too.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-20209/how-to-be-the-happiest-person-in-the-room.html