Adjustment Disorder and Adjustment Recovery

I live alone so that means that I can pretty well do whatever I want whenever I want.

On the long weekend I had company and, of course, that meant adjustment. I was so excited to have my grandson and his family come for five days but it is really different having a five-year-old in the house! On Sunday we hosted a barbecue inviting my son and his two children ages thirteen and two years. There were toys all over the floor. The guest room was full of suitcases and I was scrounging to ensure that we had enough plates and cutlery available.

I loved every minute of it! At one point, though my son looked at me and made a comment about the fact that all the visitors had temporarily changed my domestic world.

There are many things that happen in life that we cannot control. It is really not what happens that is the problem. It is how we deal with it.

Sometimes we have to adjust to changes and not all of us do this with grace. In fact, a stressor can lead to causes serious emotional and behavioral symptoms as well as health issues. Situations involving a relationship break-up, death, physical move or natural disaster can even result in an adjustment disorder.

Sometimes people experience recurring stressors such as exams for students, financial difficulties for individuals or contact with family members that trigger past traumas. Having a child, retiring or empty nest syndrome also require adjustments that might take a while to resolve.

Those who have an adjustment disorder may experience sleep problems, low self-esteem, excessive worry, irritability, change in attitude, desire to avoid people or changes in appetite. Some adjustment disorders also are accompanied by significant anxiety and/or depression.

The good news is that adjustment disorders can be treated and are therefore not permanent in nature. Therapy can help an individual increase their coping skills, reframe negative thoughts and prepare for future stressors. Medications prescribed on a temporary basis might help while individuals are learning new ways of dealing with life in their therapy sessions.

Over the years I have noticed that the same thing can happen to five different people and each of them responds differently. One of them will get drunk. A second will attempt suicide. A third might turn to their physician and receive medications. The fourth might talk to a neighbor while the fifth maybe didn't even notice what happened.

My weekend with family was lovely. We shared food, toured a greenhouse, enjoyed swimming and had lots of laughs. I accumulated many good memories to store and review in the future. At the same time, I admit that it was good to finally have the sheets washed, beds made, dishes done, and other items put back in place after they had gone. A long sleep and regaining a little control put me right back into my regular routine.

If you are experiencing problems adjusting to something in your life, do not suffer in silence. Why not schedule an appointment with a psychologist who will help you to get back on track again? I know you will be glad that you took a step towards good health.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Adjustment-Disorder-and-Adjustment-Recovery&id=10127733

Stress - It's Personal

Stress is Personal

Stress is the combination of three things: (1) a potential stressor, (2) what your mind tells you about it, especially the threat, harm, or loss it presents, and (3) a stress response that kicks in if your mind tells you that you can't cope with the threat, harm, or loss.

Besides understanding the multi-dimensional nature of stress, the greatest thing to take away from viewing stress this way is realizing how subjective and personal stress really is. What stresses you might be totally different from what stresses your friend, your spouse, or a close family member. What you view as a threat, harm, or loss, might be totally benign to others. This is why you need to construct your own personal stress profile if you are serious about starting to manage your stress.

Your Personal Stress Profile

Your personal stress profile combines your potential stressors, the unique way your mind views them, the physical and mental symptoms that kick in when you are stressed, and your personal repertoire of coping skills. Since no two people have the same stress profiles you can't just use someone else' data and expect it to work for you. You can't get this information from reading a book, or having me or anyone else tell you what it is.

To construct your personal stress profile you have to start keeping a Stressor Journal and track this information for yourself. In essence, this is your personal stress data base and is unique to you. You need to keep this journal for a minimum of five days a week for at least a month. This will give you the bare minimum of data to work with to start managing your stress. It will also give you enough time to start identifying patterns and trends in your stress.

Stressor Journal Exercise

Purpose: The following exercise, My Personal Stress Journal, is designed to help you identify your potential stressors, how your mind views them, your personal stress response, and the effectiveness of your coping. It will also clarify the mental and physical signs stress that your personal stress response triggers.

Instructions:

1. Begin keeping this journal tomorrow.

2. Keep the journal at least five days a week for a minimum of one month.

3. Rotate the five days so both weekdays and weekends are accounted for.

4. Keep this in whatever format you desire; electronic, lined paper, bound journal etc.

5. Fill it in whenever it is convenient for you; as they occur, at the end of the day, first thing in the morning, etc.

6. Don't let more than a day pass when recording a stressor. This will keep the details of it from blurring.

Format:

a. Day & Date: list the day of the week and the date.

b. Potential Stressor: describe the potential stressor in one sentence.

c. Thoughts about the threat, harm, loss: describe what your mind tells you about the potential stressor that is threatening, harmful, or loss producing.

d. Intensity: on a scale of 1-10 (10=greatest), rate the intensity of the threat, harm, or loss you feel in response to the potential stressor.

e. Physical Response: describe the physical sensations in your body when exposed to the potential stressor.

f. Emotional Response: describe the emotions you feel when exposed to the potential stressor.

g. Perceived Ability to Cope: on a scale of 1-10 rate your ability to cope with the potential stressor.

h. Coping Skill Used: describe what you did to cope with the potential stressor and whether or not it worked.

Example:

a. Day & Date: Wednesday, September 14th

b. Potential Stressor: Going over the Jolley Bridge on your return home to Marco Island following Hurricane Irma.

c. Thoughts about the threat, harm or loss: "I have no idea what I will face when we get to our house. I can't stand this uncertainty. This is very threatening."

d. Intensity: 9

e. Physical Response: I felt tightness in my chest and had difficulty breathing.

f. Emotional Response: I felt very anxious. I couldn't stop my mind from thinking the worst.

g. Perceived ability to cope: 3

h. Coping Skill Used: I tried to do some deep breathing and shift my attention off of what might be wrong with my house. This worked OK until I got home.

After keeping your stressor journal for at least a few weeks you can begin to look for patterns in: (1) your potential stressors, (2) your self-talk about threat, (3) you personal stress response, and (4) your coping effectiveness.

Armed with this information you can start to be more pro-active in managing your stress. You can target any part of the stress response. Knowing what your most threatening potential stressors are you can learn strategies for reducing them or changing the way you think about them. You can use your mental and physical stress symptoms as red flags that show you that you are stressed and need to do something to relax and trigger a relaxation response. If you lack coping resources you can learn new ways to cope and build a more stress-resistant lifestyle.

What most people who work with me say is that in the beginning they tend to overestimate the threat, harm, and loss related to their personal stressors and underestimate their ability to cope. By the end of our time together they look back at their journals and laugh at some of the things they rated 8's, 9's and 10's that they now would label as 3's, 4's, and 5's. Armed with this kind of insight and a host of new coping skills they learned from me they report that they now more accurately estimate how threatening their potential stressors are and their ability to cope with them.

So, start keeping your Stressor Journal and developing your Personal Stress Profile. As you understand your stress more you will be able to tailor coping strategies to fit your individual needs.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Stress---Its-Personal&id=9949840

Overcoming Shame to Connect with Your True Self

Each of us experiences shame.

“[I]t is part of our human condition,” writes author and therapist Darlene Lancer, LMFT, in Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You.

Without good coping skills, we may feel like failures when we don’t meet our own or others’ expectations, she writes. In fact, shame can even prevent us from being our true selves. Shame often starts in childhood. It can even get passed down from generation to generation.

Shame thrives in families where kids must keep secrets about such as issues as addiction, infidelity or poverty, to keep up appearances.

Teachers might shame kids for their academic performance. Parents might shame kids for expressing feelings such as anger or sadness.

Shame can camouflage our true self, because it can lead us to manufacture false selves, according to Lancer. These are the:

• Ideal self: “who we believe we should be”
• Persona: “what we show to others”
• Critic: “our inner shaming voice”
• Devalued self: “the result of the critic’s shaming”

For instance, if your parents or caregivers rejected or denied certain parts of your real self, you might’ve experienced shame and created an ideal self. If sadness wasn’t accepted in your family, then you might imagine being the “family hero,” a “tough kid” or a “good girl,” Lancer writes.

This ideal self provides an imagined sense of acceptance and worth. But it also alienates the real self, because, after all, it’s a false self. People may pick professions, partners and lifestyles to garner others’ approval.

Before she was a therapist, Lancer pursued a law career. “I unconsciously thought that being a lawyer would gain my parents’ respect, since they didn’t support my original career goals — one of which was to become a therapist.”

We also bend for our inner critic. We suppress our real feelings and anything else that doesn’t conform to the ideal. So we force ourselves to think different thoughts, to feel different feelings and do different things. When we inevitably don’t measure up to our ideal image, we’re stricken with shame. But as Lancer writes, “In actuality we’re expecting the impossible — to become someone other than ourselves.”

In Conquering Shame and Codependency, Lancer includes valuable and practical strategies for overcoming shame and becoming our authentic selves. She notes that “getting to know our real self is a process of uncovering and discovering.” These tips from her book can help with this process:

Check in with yourself on a daily basis.

Ask yourself what you’re feeling and what you want today. Ask yourself what you’d like for the future. Consider what your body, mind, heart and soul need. Then figure out the steps you can take to respond to these needs.

Write about your interactions.

You also can review your interactions every day. Lancer includes these additional questions to explore: “Did you ever avoid saying what you were really thinking or feeling? What kept you from doing so? Did you make decisions based on your values?”

Write about your feelings.

Be honest about what you’re feeling, and know that you can express yourself fully on the page. If you were shamed for having certain feelings — such as anger or sadness — know that any feeling you’re experiencing is valid.

Explore your values. 

“Knowing our values helps us make decisions that are right for us,” writes Lancer. Look within and write down what’s important to you – not your parents, partner or anyone else.

Share your real self.

According to Lancer, being vulnerable with others creates connection, builds trust in them and ourselves and strengthens our true selves.

Share your feelings and needs with people who make you feel safe and won’t judge you. For instance, Lancer suggests attending a 12-step meeting, such as Al-Anon or Codependents Anonymous, or working with a therapist.

She also suggests starting to express your vulnerability by sharing a mistake you made with someone you trust.

Shame can stifle our true selves. By seeking supportive resources and delving into your feelings, thoughts and values, you can get to know yourself better, overcome your shame and embrace the real you.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/08/17/overcoming-shame-to-connect-with-your-true-self/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter