Why Healing Your Inner Child, Helps You Discover Your True Self

Unconscious To Our Wounds

I'd like you to take a journey into yourself, as you read this article. Hopefully, in that time, you will gain a glimpse of why healing your inner child is not only essential but important to overcoming our problems as adults. Many people grow up in less than optimal family environments. Even if our childhood was ideal, we are likely to inherit trauma from generations before us. That is why alcoholics face an unfair disadvantage, since they inherit the genes of their alcoholic parents. We all have wounds to confront and the journey of becoming an adult involves retracing our childhood and making peace with our early life. Can you identify with this narrative? Did you grow up in a stable family environment or did you experience any childhood trauma?

The journey of becoming our true selves requires revisiting our childhood wounds and seeing them through the lens of compassion and forgiveness. It involves attending to our vulnerable parts that we have neglected. So why is this important for self-transformation and self-improvement? Many of our problems stem from our early development, according to developmental psychologists. Depending on our attachment style, this will figure dominantly in adulthood, if we haven't healed our inner child. This shows up when we are triggered in relationships and recall past hurts. Because we are unconscious to our wounds, we believe the pain is occurring now.

For example, if you are emotionally triggered and cannot control it, it may be a triggered event instead of a reaction to something taking place now. This sentiment is echoed by author Liz Mullinar in her book Heal For Life: How to Heal Yourself from the Pain of Childhood Trauma where she explains: "Remembering that a majority of all emotion comes from childhood, it is a really good idea to check whenever you are angry if it is about what is happening right now or is it reminding you of someone or something from your childhood." For instance, I had a strained relationship with my father growing up, owing to his stern disciplining. As an adult, I experienced anger I couldn't control and traced it back to my childhood. However, I ignored it until it affected my relationships.

Release The Negativity And Hurt From The Past

Have you experienced something similar whether it was anger, anxiety, shame or guilt? Often, we will carry the programming of our parents or caregivers into adulthood, if we haven't healed these aspects of ourselves. The trauma we experience in childhood is being triggered in the present moment. Psychologists believe trauma is located in the right hemisphere of the brain, in the unconscious centre. Therefore, to heal and transform our wounds, requires going to the source instead of using logic and reason. In my case, my childhood wounds were associated with fear, which shaped my anger as an adult. It required attending to my fears and transforming my beliefs as a child such as: "I am unsafe" and "It is not safe to be me." These days, my adult self knows I am safe; however, my inner child was still playing the tapes of fear, guilt and shame.

Most of our difficult emotions stem from our childhood. When we experience these emotions, we must notice whether we are being triggered by a childhood experience or something in the present moment. It is beyond this article to explain how to heal and transform our childhood wounds. Moreover, I invite you to work with a trained therapist or counsellor, if you identify with this message. It may be difficult working through our childhood wounds on our own because we are likely to re-traumatise ourselves and remain stuck in our wounds. The key is to take the journey into ourselves, knowing what we experience may be unpleasant, but in doing so, we release the negativity and hurt from the past. By healing our inner child, we discover our true self hidden behind a facade of the wounded self.

This wounded self masquerades as an archetype in the form of: victim, soldier, hero, etc. We will carry these archetypal wounds throughout life without knowing who we really are, since we have identified with our trauma for so long. It becomes our new identity, and healing can be difficult without a shift in awareness. We must learn to become who we really are and not the characters we play. Are you beginning to get a sense that who you are is an intricate web of personas buried within your unconscious mind? It can take a lifetime to discover our true self and we ought to be kind and compassionate with ourselves throughout the healing journey. If this is something you identify with, I recommend journaling and observing your emotions regularly. Note your predominant mood and the situations that affect you. Consider your difficult emotions, as signposts pointing you to heal your inner child. It is once we undertake the journey into our inner child, that we discover the essence of our true self, beneath the concealed self.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Healing-Your-Inner-Child,-Helps-You-Discover-Your-True-Self&id=10296124

15 minutes of Wayne Dyer to Ease Your Mind and Soul

Do Your Outsides Match Your Insides?

Have you ever found yourself saying to yourself, or to someone else, "Act your age"? What does that mean anyway? Does it mean that if we are a certain age, or have a certain status in "society" that it is not okay to be playful or silly? Does it mean that it's not okay to spontaneously dance in our living room? Does it mean that if we look great in jeans, or heels, that it's not okay to wear them because of our age? Does it mean that after a certain age it's not okay to listen and enjoy current music?

No one has determined an age limit to behaviors we enjoyed in our youth, yet many of us have beliefs, whether they are conscious or unconscious, that at a certain age we need to stop doing some things and think in a different way.

I'm not talking about an adult who is immature. I am talking about an adult who is a contemporary thinker, young at heart and spirit, and enjoys life to the fullest despite their age. I'm talking about allowing ourselves the natural inclination to be who we truly are.

Do You Act as Old as You Are, or as Old as You Feel?

Do you feel like the age you truly are? Is how you think, feel, and act in alignment with what others, and your own perceptions, are regarding your age? How do you reconcile the difference? Do you feel compelled to act the way you believe you "should" act given your age? Do you follow the expectations of how you "should" behave based upon whatever your perceived status may be in your community, or society in general? Or are you allowing yourself to be truly who you are despite this notion?

Are You Being True to Yourself?

If you're not being true to yourself, you might be depriving yourself of the little joys in life. You don't have to retire activities that brought you happiness in your youth just because you feel you've capped the age limit.

• Do you feel out of step with your contemporaries because you may tend to suppress your true self?

• Do you "fake your feelings or actions" to avoid behaving in a way which might be perceived as younger than you are, even if you may be completely comfortable with yourself, and your views, taste and interests?

• Do you feel younger at heart, soul, body, mind, and spirit than the people who are in your age bracket and socioeconomic status?

• Is there a sense of alienation because those of a similar age bracket, and societal position, are in a very different place than we are?

Do You Sit with the Crowd? Or Dance to the Beat of Your Own Drum?

I know for some of us feeling self-conscious may keep us from doing certain things because of the fear that doing so would ruin our sense of belonging. We want to fit in and be accepted by our peers. For others there are judgments around what is okay for certain ages, or if one has certain status in the community, and what is not acceptable.

You're Never Too Old to Embrace Your Inner Child

I remember walking through the park one day and having the urge to go on a swing. I didn't stifle this desire because I thought I was "too old" to swing. I don't believe we're ever too old to enjoy swinging. So my friends and I got on those swings and we had a blast. If I had squashed my desire to do this, I would have been depriving myself of something enjoyable.

My wish for you today is that you permit yourself to rediscover the joy in expressing your inside self on the outside and that this experience brings you much happiness.

Download 25 Most Powerful Motivational Quotes

http://ezinearticles.com/?Do-Your-Outsides-Match-Your-Insides?&id=9575515

7 Social Norms That Are Killing Your True Potential

If you are navigating your professional life by these 7 norms, you are setting yourself up for one type of success: normal.


Our society operates on laws and social norms. They were created to reduce chaos and to build the modern world we live in. However, similar to being at the mercy of our caveman tendencies when we aren't in caveman days, we often make decisions based on what everyone around us wants us to do, rather than doing what is right for us.

If you are navigating your professional life by these seven norms, you are setting yourself up for one type of success: normal. For those of you who want to break barriers with your impact and your career, take note of the alternatives:

1. Social norm: caring what others think and keeping up with the Joneses

Alternative: You have to let go of what others think in order to get connected to your true self. Jennifer Crocker, University of Ohio psychologist, did a study and found that college students who made decisions based on what others thought had higher levels of alcohol and drug abuse and had lower grades than those who didn't base their decisions on what others thought. If you are making career decisions based on what others think, those influences may be steering you in the wrong direction.

2. Social norm: blending in

Alternative: As adolescents, we would do anything to avoid standing out. Emotional immaturity equals lack of confidence. However when it comes to maximizing your career potential, standing out is what it's all about. In order to come up with innovative, new, and game-changing ideas, you have to be willing to be different and be yourself.

3. Social norm: doing what everyone else is doing

Alternative: It's easy to do what you see everyone else around you doing. In fact, how many times do you see people follow in the footsteps of others because they don't know what else to do? Set yourself on a path that feels right and is not done in absence of knowing what else to do.

4. Social norm: getting advice from your friends or family

Alternative: Your family and friends may love you, but they are not able to be objective. This is especially true when something that is right for you may take you far away from them or alter your normal routine with them. Try seeking advice from people who are able to help you get clear on what is right for you or are doing something that you know you want to do. Friends and family, whether they realize it or not, are too emotionally invested to ensure that their advice is not just a reflection of what they want you to do.

5. Social norm: going to graduate school

Alternative: Getting a graduate degree or PhD is a no-brainer for people who are absolutely clear that it's a requirement for their profession of choice, for example, doctors, lawyers, and professors. However, if you're considering graduate school for another career path, it's worth questioning why you are making this decision. Too often people continue their education because they don't know what else to do. Make sure it's the right decision, and explore other ways to educate yourself and further your level of expertise. To really rise to the top, it's not about getting the degree--it's about doing what is aligned with your top skills and passions.

6. Social norm: taking the safe option

Alternative: Safe is easy, and it's something everyone will suggest. Safe is understandable, but sometimes doing something risky will have the best payoff. When I made the unsafe and radical decision to start my own business, my family was worried. Even I was a bit worried--it felt scary and exciting. But I recognized these feelings as validation that I was doing the right thing. You have to feel a mix of anxiety and excitement when you start new things and push your comfort zone. It is a sign that you are on the brink of greatness.

7. Social norm: calming your wild ideas

Alternative: Most people that have experienced breakthrough success say that when they started, everyone they knew said they were crazy. What pushed them to move forward was the belief in themselves and their ideas. Jeff Bezos went on to create Amazon. Oprah Winfrey launched The Oprah Winfrey Show. There was no question in their minds that it was right for them. This is how you should feel if you are clear on your career goals--no matter how "crazy" they are.

http://www.inc.com/laura-garnett/7-social-norms-that-are-killing-your-true-potential.html

Overcoming Shame to Connect with Your True Self

Each of us experiences shame.

“[I]t is part of our human condition,” writes author and therapist Darlene Lancer, LMFT, in Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You.

Without good coping skills, we may feel like failures when we don’t meet our own or others’ expectations, she writes. In fact, shame can even prevent us from being our true selves. Shame often starts in childhood. It can even get passed down from generation to generation.

Shame thrives in families where kids must keep secrets about such as issues as addiction, infidelity or poverty, to keep up appearances.

Teachers might shame kids for their academic performance. Parents might shame kids for expressing feelings such as anger or sadness.

Shame can camouflage our true self, because it can lead us to manufacture false selves, according to Lancer. These are the:

• Ideal self: “who we believe we should be”
• Persona: “what we show to others”
• Critic: “our inner shaming voice”
• Devalued self: “the result of the critic’s shaming”

For instance, if your parents or caregivers rejected or denied certain parts of your real self, you might’ve experienced shame and created an ideal self. If sadness wasn’t accepted in your family, then you might imagine being the “family hero,” a “tough kid” or a “good girl,” Lancer writes.

This ideal self provides an imagined sense of acceptance and worth. But it also alienates the real self, because, after all, it’s a false self. People may pick professions, partners and lifestyles to garner others’ approval.

Before she was a therapist, Lancer pursued a law career. “I unconsciously thought that being a lawyer would gain my parents’ respect, since they didn’t support my original career goals — one of which was to become a therapist.”

We also bend for our inner critic. We suppress our real feelings and anything else that doesn’t conform to the ideal. So we force ourselves to think different thoughts, to feel different feelings and do different things. When we inevitably don’t measure up to our ideal image, we’re stricken with shame. But as Lancer writes, “In actuality we’re expecting the impossible — to become someone other than ourselves.”

In Conquering Shame and Codependency, Lancer includes valuable and practical strategies for overcoming shame and becoming our authentic selves. She notes that “getting to know our real self is a process of uncovering and discovering.” These tips from her book can help with this process:

Check in with yourself on a daily basis.

Ask yourself what you’re feeling and what you want today. Ask yourself what you’d like for the future. Consider what your body, mind, heart and soul need. Then figure out the steps you can take to respond to these needs.

Write about your interactions.

You also can review your interactions every day. Lancer includes these additional questions to explore: “Did you ever avoid saying what you were really thinking or feeling? What kept you from doing so? Did you make decisions based on your values?”

Write about your feelings.

Be honest about what you’re feeling, and know that you can express yourself fully on the page. If you were shamed for having certain feelings — such as anger or sadness — know that any feeling you’re experiencing is valid.

Explore your values. 

“Knowing our values helps us make decisions that are right for us,” writes Lancer. Look within and write down what’s important to you – not your parents, partner or anyone else.

Share your real self.

According to Lancer, being vulnerable with others creates connection, builds trust in them and ourselves and strengthens our true selves.

Share your feelings and needs with people who make you feel safe and won’t judge you. For instance, Lancer suggests attending a 12-step meeting, such as Al-Anon or Codependents Anonymous, or working with a therapist.

She also suggests starting to express your vulnerability by sharing a mistake you made with someone you trust.

Shame can stifle our true selves. By seeking supportive resources and delving into your feelings, thoughts and values, you can get to know yourself better, overcome your shame and embrace the real you.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/08/17/overcoming-shame-to-connect-with-your-true-self/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter