Who Are You? Your Identity Is Unique

The Merriam Webster dictionary defines the word "identity" as: "the fact of being who or what a person or thing is". Now that's a little confusing!

I have been thinking about identity and exactly what the word really means. You see, identity is complex and can change over time and circumstances. For example, someone with Alzheimer's disease loses their identity.

Here are some thoughts about some of the contributors to identity:

1. Physical - Our gender, size, colouring and features usually allow others to recognize us at first glance. What is not immediately evident, however, is our DNA or fingerprints, both of which are used in science as accurate methods of identifying a person.
2. Ethnicity - We learn from our surroundings and adapt language, customs and even superstitions from the caregivers who raise us. These usually are so interwoven into our being that they can remain for years or even a lifetime. Stigma and discrimination can be associated with one's skin colour, accent or habits when matched with someone who's opinion is biased.
3. History - All of our experiences contribute to our identity either because we learn from them or because we ignore them. When asked, each of us can share memories from our past that have influenced us one way or another.
4. Personality - As a psychologist, I know that how we think, what we do and how we feel interact every minute of every day. Those who think negatively about life usually feel afraid or sad and can either lash out or withdraw. On the other hand, those who think positively usually smile more, feel confident and take action even when there is some risk of failure.
5. Roles - Are you a parent? An employee? A neighbour? A volunteer? What roles do you assume? Frequently, other people identify us by our associations and the roles we play.
6. Beliefs -Some people believe that the world is a scary and unfriendly place. They feel like victims and can be overstressed with responsibility for everything that happens. Others view the world as a wonderful, friendly place and cherish each day. Those who have a spiritual faith usually take on a primary identity as a child of God.
7. Vocation - Our careers can provide a form of identity. We become the consultant, doctor, teacher, author, painter or whatever job title our workplace assigns.
8. Health - Good health is often taken for granted whereas those who are suffering from physical or mental disorders might assume the illness as an identity. They are referred to as stage three cancer, schizophrenic or special needs.
9. Focus - The things that we think about and in which we invest our time and energy can result in a title. One might become known as the gold medal winner, Order of Canada recipient, concert pianist, or decorated soldier.
10. Values - I remember my unmarried cousin who was Administrator of a large hospital. She was asked "What does your husband do?" When she replied that she wasn't married she was asked "What did your dad do?" It bothered her that she was not recognized as an accomplished professional by the person who obviously thought her value was based on the closest male figure in her life.

I know that true identity is a complex concept. I am not just Mark's mother. I am more than my laughter and my resume. My height is unique to me and my family history is powerful, but they do not solely define me. There is more to each of us than a few facts.

Sadly, I hear clients and friends talk about how important their career is and how busy they are because of it. Then they retire and within months they are struggling because there is such a gap in their lives that they feel they don't have an identity.

In the award-winning musical "Les Misérables" there is a beautiful song with lyrics that reveal the inner struggle of the singer. He is facing an ethical dilemma about revealing his true identity and how that will affect those around him. He ends his solo with the words "Who Am I? I'm Jean Valjean!"

Who are you? Are you a person who enjoys flowers and helps other people? Are you someone who is trapped in sad memories from your past that emotionally imprison you? Are you an example and inspiration to those who know you?

Perhaps you are like Jean Valjean, and don't know if you should let yourself and others see who you really are deep down.

Or maybe you just haven't totally figured it out yet?

https://ezinearticles.com/?Who-Are-You?-Your-Identity-Is-Unique&id=10141314

Abraham Hicks ~ Do This 100 Times a Day

Neville Goddard - Take My Yoke

They Have No Choice, Still We Judge Them

Being born to a privileged family or in a certain country is no merit. You did nothing to deserve or choose it. Why, oh why, do so many feel superior just because of that!? Others are born into limiting situations such as poverty and are thus given less choices to start with. But they didn't choose to be born there, either, did they? Why, then, do we judge them? Why do we look at them as lesser beings? Why do we glare at them and feel like they deserve less than we, lucky ones, deserve?

Being born in a certain place entails being exposed to the culture and belief system of such a place. If you're born in Europe, you'll learn certain things at school; if you're born in Kazakhstan, you'll learn others, and if you happen to be born in a little village in Gambia, you'll learn something different as well. What family you're born into will also give you certain opportunities or lack of them. You'll hear or see certain things. You will know nothing else but that, in particular during your first years of life. If you're born to a wealthy family, you might have a lot of people taking care of you, so your time might be devoted to having fun or to learning to behave in society. If you are born to poverty, you might have to devote your time to learning how to find food or something as basic as that. And still, it was no choice of yours.

We feel entitled to judge others just because they happened to be born in other places, in other homes, into other cultures, into other belief systems.

Then you acquire the beliefs that you're exposed to. You learn from your elders. You see and hear whatever surrounds you. You're exposed to nothing else. You're given no choice. And still we judge you.

And equipped with your learnings, your experiences, your view of the world, you start growing into the person you are. Your luggage carries what you could take from your journey so far, what you learned, what you saw, what you were exposed to. But your luggage can only include what you found on your way. It can't include what you didn't learn. It can't include what you couldn't see. It can't include what you never heard. And still, we judge you for your luggage.

We feel entitled to judge others on the basis of their luggage and forget that they often were given no choice at all.

We judge others based on our own experiences and learning; we have no other. But we often neglect to consider what their experiences and learning might have taught them. We judge them based on our views, views that we didn't originally choose; and we judge them for theirs, which they didn't originally choose, either.

We often forget that our beliefs and the way we see the world are the direct result of our experiences and learning and feel superior to others to the point of granting ourselves the right to judge them, when the truth is that we, also, were given no choice.

Only when a person grows up and can hear or see other realities, can that person question his or her own beliefs and decide whether he or she wishes to change them. But who can tell when and how that new learning happens? It doesn't matter, does it? No matter that person's learning and experience, we still want that person to think like us, to behave like us, to accept our views NOW.

A child born in a small village in the Siberian tundra and raised in an orphanage is not equipped to judge what a child his same age born into a small, loving family in Chile says about his life. An adult who never left his hometown will have difficulties understanding some of the things a person who lived in ten different countries tells him. A woman born and raised in the slums of India will not be able to comprehend some of the ideas a Norwegian female lawyer speaks about.

And still we judge them.

Next time you judge another child, another woman, another man for their appearance, their beliefs, their life, their behavior... remind yourself that maybe that human being knows no better as a result of his or her own personal circumstances and refrain from feeling better or superior than him or her. Who would you be, had your circumstances and experiences been like those of the other person? Answer this question in honesty from the depths of your heart. And see the human being behind the circumstances.

A couple of days ago I was telling you here that life is made up of moments, one after the other. Many of those moments include human beings. Next time you find yourself judging someone, why don't you instead choose to devote that one memento to sharing some of your experiences with them, so they can understand where you come from? And, while at it, why don't you ask them to tell you about theirs, so you can also understand them a bit better? If we all had more of those moments in our lives, our worldview would be undeniably wider and deeper and we'd be able to grasp other realities and other beings better. I encourage you to try.

Enjoy life, ALL of it,

https://ezinearticles.com/?They-Have-No-Choice,-Still-We-Judge-Them&id=9966692

What I Learned From My Dad About Simplicity and Minimalism (By Joan Silva)

My Dad was a minimalist.

This truth and awareness came to me hard and fast. The impact profound.

I even spoke it out loud -- My dad was a minimalist!

And, with a chuckle, I said, "Well, I'll be damned." No wonder tidying up, organizing, clutter clearing, and minimalism comes so naturally and favorably to me. No wonder my preference for simplicity is such a deeply held belief.

My dad lived and valued minimalism. Quality over quantity. Value over compulsory consumption. People over things. Experiences over ownership.

He preferred living with less... less stuff, less clutter, less debt and less stress.

He lived his life in alignment with those beliefs and in turn, he emulated and taught his children the same.

He (and my mom) paid cash for everything. Only a few times in their married lives did they go into debt -- for a mortgage and years ago, for a car. And, even then, it was fairly short term and well within their ability to pay it.

Not ever for credit card debt.

They valued travel and seeing the world, over ownership and maintenance of things. They retired young. Dad's tenuous health motivated them to simplify their lives even more, lower their cost of living, and open up to the freedom to do what they most valued.

Dad often said to me, when we talked of owning a home, "Most Americans do not truly own their homes. All you have to do is stop paying your mortgage and see who REALLY owns it!" This wisdom is more true these days than ever before and has always stuck with me.

AND, as of late, I have begun to question my own reasons for having a mortgage.

I have spent many years striving to get ahead, buying bigger and better homes, moving up the corporate ladder, making more money, and accumulating more stuff. All these things seemed important and worthwhile when I attained them.

However, as is true for us all, life has shifted for me. Many life events, some quite painful to experience, have moved me to a new place in life. It has cleared the way for me to have a life with LESS.

Less stuff. Less discontent. Less maintenance. Less work. Less clutter. Less debt. AND, less stress.

The inner urging has been strong for many years -- to have a life with LESS.

And, as said by Ryan Nicodemus in the documentary entitled Minimalism - A Documentary About the Important Things (Netflix)...

"Now, imagine a life with MORE... more time. more meaningful relationships. More growth. More contentment."

More of what you value in life.

I, for one, am ready, open and prepared for that.

How about you?

Need help tackling your financial matters?

I know it can be overwhelming and frustrating trying to keep up with it all. Everywhere you look there is something that needs tidying up.

http://ezinearticles.com/?What-I-Learned-From-My-Dad-About-Simplicity-and-Minimalism&id=9802026

Message From the Universe: Being Where You Need to Be

"There's a reason you chose Earth, exactly when you did, as exactly who you are, with those already in your life and those who soon will be: To be an example, to shine your light, and to give hope.

Yeah, you were needed.. super bad.

Kind of obvious now, huh? 

The Universe"

We all have a mission on planet Earth and whoever we come across will either teach us a lesson, contribute to our success or make us fail. Depending who you are as a person, you either will let your experiences teach you a lesson for you to grow or crush and break you down. You decide the path you want to go. Failures are lessons, and nothing else. Nothing is permanent, except death. In 50 years from now, death will no longer be permanent with advance medical and scientific research, but for now, I guess death is a pretty permanent event in your life. So how do you want your life to be? Will you let things or people bother you to a point of you allowing it to control your own life? How will you react when facing adversities? What are you going to do overcome your pain and still keep on moving forward? Only you can answer these questions. No one will ever do anything to you when helping you with these struggles. Learn to depend on yourself to get to where you want to go. Some family and friends can assist you when walking towards the right direction, but the rest is left up to you. Make sure to not disappoint yourself in this journey.

Nothing is easy and if it was, everyone would do it. If being a millionaire is your ultimate goal, expect to work your ass off to accomplish your goal. You will come across many obstacles along the way, many friends and family members who will do everything they can to stop you from accomplishing your goals while trying to come out as giving you the best advice to guarantee your ultimate success. You need to learn to listen to your inner voice that will be the one guiding you on the right path. If you do come across failure, learn from it and keep on going forward. Some little tweaking might be needed to make things succeed. Once you have reached your goals, you will forget all the suffering, all the sacrifices, all the hurdles you faced throughout your journey to ultimate success. So what will be coming next? Well, it really depends on you. Your new journey has just begun and you will come across the same hurdles and challenges. The difference now is that you know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and if you put in the same amount of energy, the same dedication and belief in yourself, you will again succeed far beyond your expectation. You will now know what it takes to make it big on planet Earth.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Being-Where-You-Need-to-Be&id=9694998

Message From the Universe: There Is Always Another Beginning!

"All that you must do, you've already done.

Let everything else be what you want to do.

That's what I want,

The Universe"

Just like all farmers out there, you need to plant seeds before you can benefit from the crop. Every step you take today, at this moment, will have positive effect in the future. If you just stand still, and not doing anything, in a year from now, you will look back and live life with regret, wondering why didn't you start then. So here, I am giving you that opportunity to look into the future to revert back into your immediate past. Without the use of the Delorean from Back to the Future, you are using existing experiences to put into action what you were meant to do in this world. Sometimes, a rude awakening is needed to bring you back to a place you weren't meant to leave, a path that you need to stay on to ultimately reach your life's goals. It is ONLY you who can determine the best path to take in your life and make sure not to stay on it. I am not saying that you wouldn't face challenges, obstacles, hurdles, disappointments while on that path, but it will be up to you to choose if it is the optimal option for your well being. It is hard to guess, I admit, since we can't really read or predict the future. Even though you may have a good sense of the best path to take, there are good chances that you may have to take a few wrong turns to eventually reach your destination. During these wrong turns, you may come to a point of wanting to abandon the journey, wonder if the choices you took were the best ones and start second guess yourself from that point forward.

There is NO shame is starting over, or going back to the beginning and looking into a distant and uncertain future to select another path. It might be difficult to do this at a later age in your life but just remember that you will never make the same mistakes again. So the time you took originally to reach a certain point in your life wouldn't take the same amount of years reaching again that same exact time where you failed and move on from that point forward. Everything will be on warp speed. If you can all remember the movie with Tom Cruise, "The Edge of Tomorrow", where every time he got killed, he woke up and started at the same exact point where he was dumped in the beginning of the movie. By going through the same journey all over again, he anticipated actions from the alien enemies and was able to deter death as much as possible. He failed, of course, but he eventually succeeded when he woke up at the end and it was the end of war with the aliens. The writers and director and the movie had somehow an awakening when coming up with a script like that. Was there a message behind this movie? Even though the physical body does expire, consciousness always remains. Was this movie trying to tell us something? Was the underlying message trying to connect with our subconscious mind? The answers are up to you.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-There-Is-Always-Another-Beginning!&id=9495544

'Alone time' is really good for you

Americans have a complicated relationship with alone time. Though we often feel a constant connection because of social media, the fact is, we're more on our own than ever: More than 50 percent of American adults are single, and some 27 million people live alone. In 1950, just 22 percent of American adults were single, and 4 million lived alone. Combine that with people getting married later in life, and we're all just having more QT with ourselves.

Alone time, of course, is different than loneliness, which carries some health risks, including increased risk of heart disease and depression. But carving out some "me time," on the other hand, is a pretty awesome idea.

Think you'll have a terrible time at the movies alone? That's probably not the case. In fact, you'll have an equally good time partaking in fun activities on your own as you would if you were doing them with other people, according to a study conducted by business professors Rebecca Ratner of the University of Maryland and Rebecca Hamilton of Georgetown University. The not-so-fun part comes in when you're thinking about how others are perceiving your aloneness and worrying that they simply think you have no one to hang out with.

"[The research] provides empirical support for a key premise of our investigation: consumers who forego hedonic activities alone are missing out on opportunities for rewarding experiences," the researchers wrote, according to Science Of Us.

Being alone will make you more creative ...

If you're a fan of brainstorming with others, you might want to rethink that. When coming up with ideas and strategies, research shows that people come up with their best material on their own.

"Decades of research have consistently shown that brainstorming groups think of far fewer ideas than the same number of people who work alone and later pool their ideas," Keith Sawyer, a psychologist at Washington University in St. Louis said, according to The Washington Post.

... And probably make you work harder

Remember group projects in school? There was always someone who wasn't pulling their weight, and that's because of the concept of "social loafing" or the assumption that less effort has to be exerted because more than one person is involved. Taking on a task alone is probably the best way to get it done quickly and efficiently.

If you're an introvert, alone time is key to your happiness

It's no secret that introverts interact differently with the world -- and one of the most important things to introverts is their solo time.

"Think of each of us as having a cup of energy available," HuffPost blogger Kate Bartolotta explained. "For introverts, most social interactions take a little out of that cup instead of filling it the way it does for extroverts. Most of us like it. We're happy to give, and love to see you. When the cup is empty though, we need some time to refuel."

Taking on activities on your own can help you meet new people

If you've been feeling a little lonely lately, try taking on one of your favorite activities on your own. Not only will you have fun, but you might meet someone who shares your interests.r

While traveling alone, for example, Ratner said she made social connections easily. "I found myself talking to people more alone than I normally would traveling with other people, when you're more insulated," she said, according to Science Of Us.

Spending time alone can help with depression, especially in teens

A 1997 study found that alone time was key for teens. "Adolescents ... who spent an intermediate amount of their time alone were better adjusted than those who spent little or a great deal of time alone," explained the study, authored by emotional development expert Reed W. Larson.

It helps clear your mind

Our brains need to rest and recharge in order to function as well as we want them to. So even if you're not an introvert, alone time is still important for processing and reflecting.

"Constantly being 'on' doesn't give your brain a chance to rest and replenish itself," Sherrie Bourg Carter, Psy.D. wrote in Psychology Today. "Being by yourself with no distractions gives you the chance to clear your mind, focus, and think more clearly. It's an opportunity to revitalize your mind and body at the same time."

You get to do what you actually want to do.

If your friend or partner wants to spend the day watching football and you'd rather spend it on a hike, choosing the solo path will probably end up being a lot more fun for you. Similarly, if you decide to take an entire day for yourself, you get to spend that day doing exactly what you want to do. Doesn't sound too shabby, does it?

http://edition.cnn.com/2015/05/05/health/spend-time-alone/index.html?iref=obinsite