The Good, The Bad and The Ugly Or What I Call The Stupid Or The Wise

From the outset let me be clear - I am including myself in all of the stupid categories that follow. Some I have finally learned to successfully manage and a few of them I am still struggling to get out of the stupid column and into the wise column. There, I've said it - now can we move on? So, just in case you didn't get it - I'm not preaching here just "splainin myself" remember him? If not, Google splainin to do or splainin myself. OK, on to the point of this article - what qualifies for stupid stuff in life and why do we all keep doing it? I'll leave the opposite of them (wise stuff) up to you to figure out how to get out of the stupid column (if you are in it) and into the wise one.

To keep this short and concise I am not going to list every stupid life, career, business, spiritual or relationship category, but what I feel are just a few of the ones that cause the most life havoc and pain and tend to be repeated far too often by many of us (again - I include myself in this group). I have also not put them in any order of importance since I couldn't find any credible research on them, as a group. So, here they are;

Decision making - repeated mistakes - Expecting different results from repeated behavior is a sign of insanity. Ever heard that one? Well, how about - expecting different results from repeated decisions - is the same - insane or stupid. It's not always the decision that's stupid but how it is implemented, expectations we have because of it or just having an inactive wait and see attitude after they are made. The decision is only one of the many steps when it comes to the decision process. If you keep making bad decisions, trust me - you will keep getting bad or uncertain outcomes.

Time use - Ever waited in line for a long time? Ever been on hold on a telephone call forever? Ever waited a week for a response to an email or text? Ever sat in traffic every morning for longer than necessary on your way to work? These examples are too numerous to keep going but the rationale is always the same - "I don't have any other options or choices - I'm just stuck." Sorry, there are better options in every potential "time-wasting scenario" - we might not always like them or be comfortable with them, but, they always exist. Don't believe me - here are two - Try a different route to work. Leave for work earlier. Get a different job. Retire. Quit. Carpool. Take the bus. OK, how about the email or text. Call them. Visit them. Take them off your list of contacts. Set some communication rules or guidelines.

I will guarantee you waste a minimum, of 3-4 hours every day in some way that could be better used if you just got creative.

Life lived - Someday I'll. When I am smarter I will. When I meet the right person, I will. I will give this situation or person another year to change. I'm too old. I'm too young. I'm too inexperienced. I'm not good enough. Please save me from these idiots. The right time for anything is never the right time. What makes anything the right time is not who, what or when but - you taking action, finding courage or faith, surrendering or anything that gets you to stop hoping, wishing and dreaming and start moving, acting or doing.

Emotions - worry, regret, blame etc. - Regrets weigh tons, blame is stupid, and worry is life's biggest waste of energy and mental effort. So, why do so many people live with these and many other negative emotions - why have I? Stupid. In hindsight every time I did any of these plus any others - jealousy, anger, disappointment, anxiety etc. I realized that when I did any of them, I temporarily turned the quality of my life and time over to others and then realized I was giving people I often even didn't control over me - stupid.

Success and failure - Success is not a guarantee and failure can't be avoided. Disagree? OK - have you succeeded at everything you have tried? If you have I'll wager you are in denial or haven't tried much. Never failed at anything? Again, I'll bet you have always played it safe. Either approach is dumb. The only way you can ever succeed at anything is to risk, step outside your comfort zone or try something new and when you do - there is never a guarantee it will work or that it won't. Successful people have failed, and failures never learn from their failures so tend to repeat them.

Ego and arrogance - it's all about you - The world does not revolve around you no matter how much you want it to or think it does. People with ego's that dominate their lives spend a great deal of time wondering, in confusion, disappointed, frustrated and angry and why? They need, no, they require control. Sorry folks, not going to happen so if you are letting your ego rule your life, just accept that you'll never be really happy, truly happy, content, no matter how much you have or inner peace until the world and everything and everyone in it behave according to your rules expectations, demands etc. Good luck.

Well, how'd you do in these six areas? Need to do some work to get into the wise column?

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Do You Believe In You? 7 Actions to Ensure Your Ultimate Growth!

I am not sure if you have asked yourself this question in a reflective way; or given it any deep or meaningful thought, but it is a question with a significant amount of depth and worth!

You may approach this question very lightly or feel that it is a very limited concept, only applying to a narrow part of who you are, but your belief in yourself (whether good or bad) permeates every interaction you have, your thoughts, the actions you take and the decision made consciously or subconsciously... fundamentally this question and how you respond to it has a bearing on your entire existence!

Believe In Your Ultimate Potential

You are a phenomenal creation who has been endowed with a brilliant set of skills, capabilities and gifts, which, when given a proper focus, a specific intent and the correct outlet; can be expressed with great significance and have an immense impact on the lives of those around you as well as your society as a whole!

This may perceive to be a rather grand statement and one of inflated promise... but it is true!

You have phenomenal potential within you! A potential that can change lives and your environment for good!

Remove Your Biggest Source of Doubt!

You hold yourself back by adopting a mindset that intrenches itself into a comfort zone. This reinforces some ideas and perceptions that, on face value have their sources in well-meaning character-based principles; however, this is limiting your potential and the ULTIMATE PURPOSE you were created for.

Do not let your defence of the good around you stop you from achieving the great that is on offer!

Some ways this limiting mindset becomes apparent:

You defend your current position or situation. You may not like what you do or how you are living... but you defend it! Your defence manifests in your constant rationalizations of NOT going for your goals or it focuses on the responsibility of now as opposed to the greater responsibility of growth. You defend your results by thinking that this is as good as it is going to get!

You continuously convince yourself that "the successful ones are the lucky ones" and that "you're just unlucky". Well to be frank we all make our own luck... good or bad!

You do not feel that you are able to carry more responsibility than you currently are. You feel that you may get "burnt out" or that more responsibility is only ever a burden. The truth lies in that the more we give, the more we get... we are created to serve and give and do... often way more than we think we are capable of!

You often feel that you do not deserve to partake in the abundance that is around you! You may think and feel that you are not capable of doing what others are able to do.

The alibi that you may reinforce... more abundance more problems! The problems abundance brings are lot better and easier to manage than the problems that poverty, lack or limitation bring.

You have to be thankful for what you got... and that's that! Be thankful, accept and do not ask for more... as though asking will lead to some sort of punishment. Never mistake dissatisfaction with felling ungrateful. We can be thankful and dissatisfied at the same time. A feeling of dissatisfaction is a sign of your inherent desires wanting greater and more effective expression!

Often the religious person may use the "God Willing" alibi as an excuse for a lifetime of weak or non-existent action! For the faithful an expression of increasing faith is one where we demonstrate an increasing belief in ourselves by taking bigger action and making greater sacrifices.

All the above are endemic of the mental cancer that is Doubt or Unbelief!

Begin to change you mindset to eradicate this cancer!

The Best Lies Within...

The best part of a changed mindset is that you are open to the changed perspective that a new awareness brings, along with the belief that new understanding fosters with respect to how you believe in yourself!

Some fundamentals you need to understand:

We have all been created equally and endowed, in equal abundance, with gifts and talents to contribute in increasing measure, to the upliftment and success of everyone we are connected to but more importantly ourselves.

There is an equal amount of time given for all... how we choose to use it is what makes a difference in the results between people.

Adversity is an Opportunity... No one is sheltered from adversity! Your adversity may appear more intense or impossible to overcome but your adversity is unique to you. This is to ensure that the specific development of your unique and wonderful skill and gift along with its intended outcome is realised!

Change is not only possible but necessary.

The brilliant benefit of ever increasing self-belief is that you are able to adapt to circumstances more rapidly, you recognise opportunity to serve and contribute in every interaction. You recognise that you are the best gift you can give when you make the most of yourself to give the best of yourself; all of this is capped off by the mental freedom that comes from knowing that there is no person, opinion, circumstance or situation that will ever hold you back again!

7 Actions to Ensure Your Ultimate Growth!

1. Decide: do not focus on what you believe is possible based on your current results or status... make a decision for what you really want!
2. Think in detail: highlight and get very specific about the characteristics, detail and definition of your goal and the freedom this will bring. Think like this constantly as though it is guaranteed!
3. Take Action: starting with small manageable milestones, begin to implement a changed lifestyle, new discipline and improved routines. Progress to bigger accomplishments and gains as your confidence and your belief increase and become resolute!
4. Model your behaviours: align your behaviours... the good ones, after a person that has accomplished what you want to accomplish or has attained
5. Study: we do not know what we do not know... that is why you need to study more about yourself, what makes you... you, the success principles that surround you and also the strategies you can adopt to bring about significant change. Sound knowledge leads to a steadfast belief!
6. Gratitude: continuously focus on finding a way for your gratitude to increase. Gratitude is a wonderful skill to develop as this connects you intimately with your source of supply!
7. Persist: the most fundamental way to develop belief is by focusing your efforts and energy into a specific outcome then continuing until this specific outcome has been achieved! Its not over until you Win!

At invinciblemind, we believe in the unlimited potential of the mind and are striving to share the life-changing effects of a renewed mind!

Learn how to Unleash Your Ultimate Potential with invinciblemind... Your future self will thank you for the immense decision!

https://ezinearticles.com/?Do-You-Believe-In-You?-7-Actions-to-Ensure-Your-Ultimate-Growth!&id=10357342

Are You Content or Happy?

Often, I have people tell me that they just want to be happy and think that I can give them a formula! My first response is that first you have to decide to be happy!

Sitting and worrying about what you don't have or the problems in your life will not resolve anything. In fact, they will just work you up until you might think that you have a brain tornado going on.

There are several things that you can do if you want to improve your lot in life as follows:

1. Consider your motivation - Are you a person who thinks that you have to please others? If that is the case, then you will likely find that you are constantly failing and maybe even feeling resentful. You cannot change another person and the older you get the more you will realize that you certainly can't please everyone. If you are constantly on the giving end of a relationship the time will likely come when you will begin feeling resentful as your own needs are not met.
2. Examine what you can control - There are so many things that are beyond our control and so there isn't any benefit in investing time and energy into them. Perhaps you need to turn the television off because most of the news is really opinion about things that are bigger than we are. When it comes to trouble in other countries, we are really helpless observers. Your direct impact on politics is limited to one vote in each election. You can try to influence others, but they have their own votes to cast. Focus on the things in your world that you can control - your career, home, intake, finances and choices and you will soon find that you have a healthy feeling of being organized and making progress.
3. Establish boundaries - Just as you can't control other people, they can only control you if you let them do so. It is important to know where you stop and others begin. Frequently I hear parents talk about how they think that they are obligated to make the dreams of their children materialize by their own sacrifice only to realize that even adult children might not be thankful for your efforts. When you recognize that people grow from experience, even if it is difficult, you will allow your children and others to mature through their own walk in life.
4. Take action - When your emotions start to take over your day, doing things that will distract you can help you to improve your world. Clean a drawer, write a letter, volunteer for a project, exercise, search for and make a new recipe, work on a hobby. Starting this can be the most difficult thing but after just a few minutes I think you will find that you are enjoying yourself.
5. Choose contentment - To me happiness is often viewed as something people chase such as a trip to Vegas, a Hallmark moment, peak performance. Feeling content, however, means being satisfied with a life that has little stress or chaos. Once you organize your life and let go of negative feelings you will be able adopt contentment

https://ezinearticles.com/?Are-You-Content-or-Happy?&id=10202476

The Winning Thought!

Being self-actualized is more powerful than being enlightened. When you have reached the end, it does not end. So, you must get a new goal always, and you must continually take action achieving each new goal with a living psyche (life filled spirit) that does not take anything for granted forever. With that said, I begin this article. "The end" is really "The beginning" always when really thought about, because when you retire, you either get another goal or you die. When you reach the end, you stop forever and die or do more that is something different, it never ends. Indeed, the winning thought is not to retire or get enlightened and reach "the end", everything is really an open-ended process of eternity and infinity existence when really thought about.

You see, so many people act like life is an end to be reached then they retire after doing so much service and achieving a "big goal". Happiness and fulfillment does not work that way, and that is how real losers think in reality because of the realistic "what next" factor life automatically has because of its genuine nature.

Winning is a consistent forever process, and I mean real winning that happens all the time. I do not mean reaching a temporary goal or objective, I mean going with existence forever where it may genuinely lead. Consciousness does not die, and nor does spiritual energy, it just changes or the caterpillars forever turn into butterflies in nature and reality everywhere.

With all that getting, get reality! There is not any real retirement or end to be reached, it is a consistent process. Winners realize this, losers think: "Damn, I won the pot, that is it!" or "I lost and I genuinely quit!"

What do you think enlightenment is? It is a concept of the end without considering what happens after it. Enlightenment is an unrealistic concept as most people think it is. Realistic enlightening is consistent working on yourself without end or breaking the link in your mind, body and spirit. Indeed, I did not say "perfection", that is an unrealistic concept and perception to. I am basing this on what actually exists, eternal work and process at it. Eternal momentum and results that work genuinely always. Not perfectly, but always working in the right ways that are genuine and needed. That is the process in reality, quite simply, take or leave the gift here.

https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Winning-Thought!&id=10314700

Waking Up Before It's Too Late! (By Madeline Frank)

Are you living on autopilot?

A friend of mine always says first, with a smile on his face, "I am grateful to be alive."

When I was in my late 20s, I went to the hospital to have a growth removed that the doctor thought might be cancerous. My Mom came to the hospital with me. Once I was on the operating table, the anesthesiologist gave me anesthesia to put me under. When the procedure was over and I was in the recovery area, the doctor and surgical staff could not wake me up and the doctor asked my Momma to come in.

Momma said to him in a clear loud excited voice "Wake her up!"

I came to with the doctor pounding on my chest and my Momma standing nearby!

I was having a happy dream and did not realize they were unable to wake me up! If not for my Momma I would have been dead!

The doctor said, "You are allergic to the anesthesia I gave you and I was not able to wake you up until your Mother insisted I wake you up."

"Do not ever allow them to give you this type of anesthesia again!"

They discovered that I was allergic to one of the drugs that I was given during surgery.

I nearly didn't wake up; but I was oblivious... because I was unconscious.

Open your eyes.

While this story was literally about waking up; most people are drifting through life on autopilot with their eyes closed.

And most people are oblivious to the fact that they are "unconscious" to their priorities and life.

By having your success habits in place, you release your tension!

When you have intention, you open up your eyes, gain clarity, and take action!

When you gain clarity, you are compelled to move forward.

When you begin to move forward, you generate momentum.

When you generate momentum, others take notice.

Have you ever been at a stop light with a person texting on their phone, or been in an accident caused by a distracted driver?

The benefits are quite obvious when a distracted driver chooses to "open their eyes" and "decides" to put their cell phone in the back seat before they begin driving to prevent them from having another accident.

I challenge anyone to argue the benefits of a driver soothing their boredom by gluing their attention to a screen rather than paying attention to driving. Put it away.

Do you know someone who listens to the news without stopping, 24 hours a day? If that is their only intake of information, they are likely quite bitter and angry.

What can you do to improve this situation?

Replace an hour of listening/watching/reading the news with something uplifting, growth oriented, or gratitude related. See how you feel after one week. How about after one month?

Are you still angry? Has your mood improved? Are you able to think clearly and focused?

Have you ever been in a home with drafty windows?

Not only is it uncomfortable, but they can let in bugs.

Sealing your home with new windows will not only make it more comfortable; it creates a cleaner environment.

Your relationships and your standards are the windows of your life. If you are willing to tolerate pests, bugs, and other nasty creatures into your home, you may also let in negative people, stagnant people, and those who drag you down.

How can you improve your relationships and connect with others?

1. Ask them how they are and then ask them how their family is?

2. Listen carefully to what they say and offer your thoughts when appropriate.

By having your success habits in place, you release your tension!

When you have intention, you open up your eyes, gain clarity, and are moved to take action!

https://ezinearticles.com/?Waking-Up-Before-Its-Too-Late!&id=10457413

Things Everyone Needs to Understand About Work Related Stress

With so many companies around the world downsizing right now, more employees are finding themselves facing work related stress by trying to complete too much or being forced to take on too much when one of their colleagues leaves. There are things you need to know about this condition, it is very real and something seeking the help of an experienced and qualified work stress counsellor can giving you the coping techniques you need to manage each day effectively.

The first thing you are going to want to ensure is that you know the signs of work related stress, so you can see when you need to take action, possibly getting some professional help. Many companies will understand that you are facing stress related to your work, but most people want to keep it quiet and find a qualified work stress counsellor who will work with them in confidence moving forward.

The signs of this condition include everything from constantly feeling anxious to being irritable. Some people find that they lose interest in their jobs and their productivity levels drop, while others suffer with concentration and find that they have severe stomach problems. Sleep deprivation is another problem, being tired all the time and just wanting to get home and crawl back into bed.

It is imperative when you are being overloaded at work and you think you may be suffering from work stress that you take the time to take care of yourself. Ensure you start to exercise and move. If you tend to sit at your desk for hours on end, take a few minutes and walk around the office, get moving. You will also want to pay very close attention to your diet, incorporating a healthy eating plan into your busy lifestyle. The final thing to do to care for yourself is to make sure you get enough sleep. Go to bed early and get at least eight hours of sleep to recharge you for the next day.

Learn to be organised and prioritise. This can help you put together a balanced schedule that you can manage with ease. You must also learn the art of saying "no" without hurting feelings and take regular breaks throughout the day. Being organised and putting a priority list together at the beginning of each day and then focusing on your list to ensure all your duties are done will help you work in a methodical manner and reduce the stress relating to your work. It will also ensure you don't overload yourself, which will only increase your stress levels.

Get to know the signs that you may be stressed. This is important. So many people will start their day relaxed and then get busier and eventually they find that they are tired, they haven't stopped and they don't want to get out of bed the next day because they know what is waiting for them.

It is worthwhile if you are suffering from work stress to find a local counsellor who can work with you, identify the cause of your stress and provide you with coping techniques, such as relaxation and breathing techniques to help you manage your stress a little easier.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Things-Everyone-Needs-to-Understand-About-Work-Related-Stress&id=9460336

You Can Choose

Often, I hear individuals complain about a situation in life that they do not like. It might involve their relationships, career, finances or perhaps events occurring in various places throughout the world. They seem to think that talking about how they are suffering will make things better. It won't!

If you are struggling, there are things that you can do. Here are your choices:

1. Protect yourself from information involving world catastrophes - If you are anxious about weather systems or traumatic events that are happening in other locations you would probably be wise to turn off the television and internet. There isn't anything that you can do about these things and filling your mind with doom and gloom with just negatively impacts your well-being.
2. Wallow in your personal misery - If you want to just sit and commiserate without taking action, chances are that nothing will get resolved. Fretting about family conflict, finances or your career could end up causing you both physical and mental pain. I remember a children's book that I would read to my children when they were young. One of the main characters was Fred Flintstone. He was trying to help an acquaintance who was always miserable. At the end of the story Fred came to the conclusion that some people just aren't happy unless they are miserable! Hopefully that won't be you!
3. Do nothing about the problem but change your attitude - Perhaps you are not prepared to take action but can learn to accept the problems without angst. Many people put one foot in front of the other for years and years in jobs that they do not love. They won't consider making a change but continue on without complaint because they feel that they are receiving financial benefits and don't have better options. Others stay in relationships where they aren't happy but honour the commitment they made to stay married without complaining aloud.
4. Research and form a plan to create change - Perhaps you need to speak with someone who has expertise in the area where you are struggling. Reaching out to an objective party could be exactly the thing that will help you deal with the problems you have been experiencing. Maybe you will enroll in an education program, work with a financial planner or discuss your psychological problems with a therapist. Gathering information will give you a much broader perspective.
5. Make change happen! The day that you begin to take action, things begin to change. That doesn't mean that everything will immediately be perfect but the chances of coming to a better place in life are optimized. One step at a time you will begin to notice things. Adopting a new menu will lead to your clothes fitting better. Spending less than you earn will quickly begin a path to financial health. Cleaning one drawer will begin a process for organizing your life!

You can choose what your future will look like. Which of the above choices will you make?

https://ezinearticles.com/?You-Can-Choose&id=10145715

Work Through Your Elephants Without Overwhelming Yourself

Do you ever start projects and don't finish them? There was such excitement in the beginning. The ideas were flowing and you felt that once you had all the pieces you needed, this would be your best project yet. But then something happens. Anything, really. And whatever it is, now feels like a barrier to being able to follow through on your plans. And so we have another unfinished project.

Let's discuss Ways to Follow Through without Overwhelming Yourself

1. DO A SELF-INVENTORY. Before even starting the project, do an inventory of the strengths you already have that can be used in your plan. Then think about what skills you need and what it's going to take to develop it.

2. PACE YOURSELF. Don't go full throttle just yet. Imagine the man running a 5K and he sprints the first mile, powering ahead and taking an impressive lead. Before he has a chance to be too proud of himself, he realizes he still has 2.1 miles to go and he's already winded. You know what happens next - he's no longer in the lead as one by one the runners who paced themselves started pulling in front of him. Not only did he come nowhere close to winning, he had exhausted himself so much in the beginning stages that he didn't even finish the race. Disqualified by his own exhaustion. Moral of the story: don't be that guy.

3. RESPECT THE VISION BOARD. Not your thing? Make it your thing. Go old school with it and clip what appeals to you out of magazines, brochures, and any other material that can help you create a collage of your best life. Get your scissors, glue, and markers ready 3rd Grade Art Class style. (Glitter optional).

4. TALK LESS, DO MORE. I talk to my clients about an interesting habit some people have which is to talk, brainstorm, philosophize, theorize, and conceptualize. Basically do everything except for take real action. It makes them feel like they're working on things when in reality they've just been thinking about working on things. The Visioning stage should be just that, a stage. Not a place where you get stuck in your mind for years instead of moving into action phase.

5. BREAK THE ELEPHANT. Someone (I don't remember who but they must have been wise) once asked me: What's the best way to eat an elephant? To which I gave my thoughtful answer of: I don't know, how. Unknown Wise Person replied: One bite at a time. I liked it. I liked it so much I started sharing that with my clients. Like it so much I'm writing about it. Break the big tasks into bite-size pieces. As great of a multitasker I'm sure you are, take a mindful approach and focus on one thing at a time. And speaking of breaks - have some.

6. TAKE BREAKS. Not the eternal breaks where you step away from your project for awhile only to never return to it again. But legitimate breaks where you stop for a moment even before you get tired. You can take a pro-active approach to self-care. Go ahead and decide when and how long you'll put things down to let yourself regroup and refresh, then back to it.

I think the main key to completing projects is to keep working on them until they're done. That's right, there's no mind-blowing formula to it, and you probably don't need a weekend retreat to have that revelation. What you do need is stick-with-it-ness, self-motivation, and portion control as you work through your elephants.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Work-Through-Your-Elephants-Without-Overwhelming-Yourself&id=9993560

Learning To Love The Real Me (By Nina Bingham)

I have studied and researched human emotion and thought for my entire adult life. I have two undergrad degrees in Psychology, and master's education in mental health counseling. At the beginning of my journey into academia, in 1983 when I was earning my first degree, I would have told you with impunity that I was going to leave my mark on the field of psychology. Fresh-faced and idealistic, I was going to make a significant contribution, and most importantly, people were going to remember me. Well, they'll remember me, alright... as the counselor whose daughter committed suicide. This has been the most profoundly embarrassing, shame-inducing, ego-crushing experience for me, and not what I would have wanted to be remembered for. Yet it taught me to love the real me, and taught me how to love others the way they need to be loved.

Dale Carnegie said there are two emotional needs of every human being that we should keep in mind if we want better relationships. One is that we all want to feel understood, and the other is that we all want to feel important. I have listened to hundreds of clients talk about their problems over the past 16 years as a Life Coach and have arrived at the conclusion that Dale Carnegie was accurate; all of us want to feel understood and important. However, I've noticed that for some people, feeling important is their primary need. These are the folks who, on a scale measuring Narcissistic personality tendencies would score higher in Narcissism, which is a strong need for admiration. I am one of these people. These are the exhibitionists of the world and the world wouldn't be the dramatically colorful, artistic, and passionate place it is without their expressive voices. Conveniently, exhibitionists are attracted to their opposite: the voyeurs of life. Those precious souls who would rather sit in the second row than the first so they get a better view and perspective. If voyeurs had a governing theme, it would be: observe first, take action second. Without the voyeurs, the Narcissist wouldn't have anyone in their audience! More importantly, the Narcissistic personality who prefers to jump before she looks would jump without a safety net. It is the voyeurs among us (you know who you are) who look before they leap. Thank God for you, or we would all be rushing off cliffs together!

Because I am admiration-oriented, when my daughter took her own life, I felt as if my life was over. I felt I'd rather pack up and move to another country than face the overwhelming guilt and shame of being a suicide survivor, especially since I was a counselor; a counselor who wanted so badly to be admired. It was as if the Universe said: "You want everyone's attention? Well then, you shall have it." Not only did it feel as if my daughter had rejected and abandoned me in death, but it seemed as if the Universe was ridiculing me. I felt desolate; all alone in a cruel world where my guiding light had been snuffed out. The porch light of Heaven had been turned off, the door locked, and I was put out into the cold to wander in the dark halls of an endless grief. For a year I wandered the inconsolable, desolate halls of my own mind. I shut the world out, because it had proved itself an untrustworthy place full of empty promises and devoid of meaning and happiness. I closed my coaching practice because I knew I needed time to heal. How could I teach anyone anything about love and hope and healing when I was in a dire struggle to find it for myself?

So there I was: no job, no hope, no direction. Stopped, stuck, angry and bitter. The people closest to me couldn't help me because they were waging their own private battles with the suicide. Not knowing how to begin to deal with the overwhelming bundle of emotions I experience daily, I started taking "grief walks." On these long walks I'd imagine I was Forrest Gump and I would keep walking until I couldn't walk anymore. Many times I was tempted to just keep walking and never look back. I understand now how people can suddenly abandon their painful lives and leave everything behind. When there is too much pain, walking away seems... justified.

One day I was feeling so much anger at the Universe for taking my beautiful and smart girl, who over the years had been my only reason for living that when I saw an empty lot I headed straight for it. As cars rushed by, I stood in the middle of the field and chucked rocks at God. I threw rocks at the sky, calling God names which I cannot repeat here. I shouted until I was hoarse: "You lied to me! You told me it was going to be a beautiful life-but it turned into a nightmare! You're a liar, and I hate you... I hate you! I'm never going to forgive you for this." If I could have pulled God out of the sky and given him a black eye and a broken nose, I would have. Spent, I sunk to my knees in the dust and wept. Anybody driving by would have thought me completely mad. But on the way home I noticed something peculiar; I felt a lot better, better than I had felt in a long time. I decided then not to hold in my feelings any longer. I found a Psychologist, and he helped me to understand it wasn't God I was angry with-it was myself. I hated myself because I couldn't save my own daughter. The only solution, he told me, was to forgive myself.

It took a little while before I came to what grief specialists term "Acceptance" of her death. For me, acceptance meant saying goodbye, releasing her ashes, and giving myself permission to move forward with my life. Sadly, there are people who are stuck in grief, unable to say goodbye. For them, the torment never ends. I discovered I had to express my feelings openly and freely both to God, and to another compassionate human being. When I did, I could forgive myself, and forgive my daughter for leaving me behind. At that point, I could finally let her go.

For somebody whose driving force in life has always been to feel important, the journey through grief has been more than a detour: it re-routed my entire existence. Yet the path it took me, though excruciatingly painful, opened my eyes. Without this experience it would still be "all about me" and truthfully, there are moments when I forget the lesson and I fall back on that old familiar ego-boosting mantra. But immediately I'm reminded of what I've learned, and it shifts my perspective. What I learned is: It's not important that other people admire me, what's important is that I admire me.

I admire me most when I am humble, when I am conscientious of others, agreeable, and not demanding it be my way all the time. Most importantly, I admire me most when I extend to others the forgiveness and grace I have been shown. I am learning to love the real me, because she is someone worthy of my admiration.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Learning-To-Love-The-Real-Me&id=9473767

An Unbelievable Story Of Failure And Persistence - Part 1 (By Sergei VanBellinghen)

Through this unbelievable story of failure and persistence, you realize that behind every success is an uneasy path. There are fiasco, embarrassing efforts, barriers, setbacks and even, drastic changes of direction. It always is the first awkward steps on the road to be successful in anything you undertake.

This story began in December 2005; I was comfortable with what I had, even if I knew I wanted more. At the time, I lived in Ukraine with my first wife, Marina. I needed some legal documents from Belgium, and for that, I had to meet my evil father which I did not see for twenty-five years. So I was reluctant to go.

For a time, I tried my best to ignore that little voice in my mind. But then, something strange began to happen. The more I tried, the more it felt like something I needed to do.

So instead of fighting my feeling, I gave in and embraced it. I had to make a trip from Ukraine to Belgium without much money. At the start, I had no idea how I was going to deal with all the obstacles and failure. I just knew I needed persistence, and so I set a date and decided to go for it.

My Story of Failure and Persistence Begins

A few days beforehand, I wrote down my goal on ten small pieces of paper and put them everywhere around the house. I had sufficient money to take the train from the city where I lived to Kiev in the cheapest wagon. It carries fifty-four people with no real separated compartment.

I had to keep building persistence on the way. The only thing remaining now was to take action. I planned to make my trip step by step and deal with whatever came my way. Next, I knew that with so little finances, my back would be against the wall. This way, there could not be any second thoughts like backing up.

Comfort is the leading killer of success. Nevertheless, I proceeded. When I arrived in Kiev, in the train station, I went to ask how much would be a ticket to the closest town of the Polish border, and it was the city of Lvov. I then understood my failure; I did not have enough money to continue my voyage.

The Next Step in My Persistence

I asked the cashier if she could reduce the price of the ticket, but she categorically refused. Here was the first barrier, but my persistence was still unshakable. As I walked away, a man accosted me. He said that he was a train conductor and had overheard my predicament. And with what little finances I had, he will get me a place in the train to Lvov.

He told me to come back at noon on platform one near the last wagon and to pay him when I was on the train. So I sat outside in the sun waiting for time to pass by. I met the conductor at the time required and followed him in the train. He gave me a ticket, said that place 51 was mine, and I gave him the money I had left.

I left Kiev around twelve-thirty. Then I tried to sell my watch to people on the train to reach the city of Warsaw, Poland but no one was remotely interested. It was another failure, but I had persistence. However, I understood that I would have no other choice but get off the train when on the border.

Persist or Fail

In the middle of the night, the train stopped two kilometers from the Polish border. The staff had to change the size of the wheels as in Europe the length of the train tracks differs from those in the former Soviet Union. While at the same time, the passport control agents passed by and asked for my passport.

At this point in my story, I will quickly summarize a couple of obstacles as to how my persistence resisted and overcame them. Ukrainian customs tried to get money from me as they usually do. But I was ready for that.

In Kiev before taking the train, I went to the police and told them that I had lost my wallet and was without money or credit cards. So they had to register my complaint and give me a document certifying that I had no money. I showed that paper to customs, and they left me without a word.

Persistence Opens the Door

The train conductor told me that it was time for me to get off the train. When I got off, it was a cold minus 16° Celsius (3° Fahrenheit). As I saw the lights of the Polish border, I started to walk along the road to get there not knowing what to do next. So far, I avoided failure and barriers in my way.

When I arrived on the border, I waited close to the cars that were leaving after customs check. I waited now for thirty minutes in the freezing cold and for persistence to open the door. Suddenly, a Polish customs agent came out of guard post and asked me what I was doing there waiting.

I explained somewhat my situation. The agent said that he would try to help me find a vehicle that was going towards Belgium. I saw him talk and ask so many cars to take me on board but no one accepted. As a result, I waited two more hours in the cold, and I remained strong. I then realized my eyes brows were frozen as well as my eyes lashes.

Persistence and Failure - Factors of Success

But I was determined, like a candle which refused to go off, even when it feels surrounded by a dark storm. A bus stopped, and the Polish customs agent called me up inviting to sit on the front of the bus going to Warsaw. How grateful I was for this young man!

It would take around four hours to reach Warsaw, and I did not want to think at that instant how to get further on my trip. I just wanted to rest for a while and let everything go, so I did. Yet, I had escaped another failure.

I can never be sure if it is the pattern of the subconscious brain, or if it is the law of attraction. But what I do know is that if you set any goal and have so much persistence that finds a way when failure arises, success is pretty much guaranteed.

A Summary of Persistence, Failure, and Belief

It was around eight o'clock in the morning when we arrived at destination, the train station in the center of Warsaw, Poland. But more was to come to test my persistence and see if I could persist over failure. And like it is such a long story, I will continue part two in next Saturday's post.

It is the ultimate success formula as any success expert would call it. I also call it the law of attraction. You may call it the will of God if you wish. Name it whatever you believe it to be. But you need to realize that if you want something, anything, you can accomplish it.

No matter if you believe in the afterlife, you live only once as far as I know and time is running out fast. So be who you want to be and have persistence in all that you desire. It is better to try your best, rather than to have regrets when on your deathbed. So accept failure and make persistence part of your life.

https://ezinearticles.com/?An-Unbelievable-Story-Of-Failure-And-Persistence---Part-1&id=9832434

How You Can Be As Mentally Tough As A Samurai

I once heard a story about a Japanese Samurai in war torn Japan.

The samurai I am speaking of was a pupil to a highly regarded Samurai who won countless battles.

One day, the pupil went to his master and asked him for guidance.

The war torn Samurai looked at his pupil calmly and nodded for him to proceed.

The pupil anxiously asked, "How do I train my mind to be as tough as yours?"

The Samurai paused for just a moment and slowly pointed outside.

it was the middle of winter and just the night before a fresh coat of snow piled upon the ground.

The pupil was confused...

The Samurai said, "If you wish to have an unshakable mind, take off your clothes and stand in the snow."

This story just gives you a glimpse on how tough the Samurai were.

Standing butt naked in the dead of winter in a pile of snow... we can barely survive our morning drives without our heat blasting!

Now before you go running off naked into the snow I'm going to ask you to pump the breaks.

Cops will be called in no time and you will have one awkward story to tell.

But there is something we can take away from the Samurai on how to build our mental toughness.

Something we can do today to start our journey to mental fortitude.

This "something" is a ritual we all do every day (hopefully).

Drum roll please!

Take cold showers.

I can hear you gasp now.

But yes, as warriors ourselves, mental toughness is necessary to build and create the lives we desire.

The lives that we deserve.

So lets take a lesson form these elite warriors.

Cold showers are a great, effective way to build our mental toughness. You will be amazed on how this can change your life for the better.

Some aspects that I noticed ever since I started taking cold showers were:

1. Increased confidence

2. Procrastination vanished

3. Increased energy

4. Anxiety diminished

5. Skin cleared up

These were just some of the benefits I experienced in the first 2 weeks of doing cold showers.

So what are you waiting for?

One thing every elite warrior does is take action.

Lets take a page out of the Samurai playbook and work on strengthening our minds for anything life may throw!

Keep growing warrior!

https://ezinearticles.com/?How-You-Can-Be-As-Mentally-Tough-As-A-Samurai&id=9956512

Effectiveness of Pareto's Principle in Human Life

Vilfredo Pareto was an Italian engineer, sociologist, was the father of the Pareto principle, now also known as the 80/20 rule. Pareto observed that 80% of income in Italy went to 20% of the population. Pareto later carried out surveys in some other countries and found to his surprise that a similar distribution applied. In the late 1940s, quality guru, Dr. Joseph M. Juran, attributed the 80/20 Rule to Pareto, calling it Pareto's Principle. Pareto's Principle or Pareto's Law is a useful tool to help you prioritize and manage the work in your life. For example

• 80% of our revenues are generated by 20% of our customers.

• 80% of our complaints come from 20% of our customers.

• 80% of our quality issues occur with 20% of our products. Or we can say it otherwise

• 20% of our contributors provide 80% of our funding.

• 20% of our employees are responsible for 80% of sick days.

• 20% of my ideas generate 80% of my traffic on my blog.

The value of this Principle is that it reminds you to focus on the 20% of the things that matter. That 20% produces 80% of your results. Although it's a rule of thumb, this principle is used to plan the time and efforts of human beings.

There are so many examples in our lives where we are using this rule without knowing. Analyzing the work task, recording the food habits, daily activity log, reading, socializing, Emails, television shows, budgeting are some of the important activities where this rule is implemented on daily basis.

Talking about applying it to daily life, let us say if you start by making your morning time the most productive time, then you will have the rest of your day the best of your day. suppose if you do only 20-30 minute workout in the morning, you will feel energized whole day. The same formula is applied to your study as well, if you study with sharp concentration for only few hour, you will remember it for next few days. The meaning is very simple daily small effort (20%) are leading you towards (80%) success. But make sure whatever you do, you deliver continuous effort to make that 80% workout.

Without a doubt, I would say that 80% of our happiness is extracted from 20% of what we enjoy doing most. This would include being around family and friends, spending time in the outdoors, flying small airplanes, and doing household chores.

To take action you must start to focus on your outputs instead of inputs. This means consume less, don't focus on materialistic goods, and spend fewer evenings on the couch. Instead, start producing and creating for the world. Go out and volunteer for a non-profit in your community. Mentor a young person or donate time to make someone else's life better. Start focusing on others and helping them reach their goals. Teaching is one of the most rewarding things a person can do in life. You'll find teaching to be an amazing way to build trust with others, which will help in business and life. If you'd like to start a business, find a pain in the market and provide a solution to it. Finding answers to problems and helping others will take you to the next level.

One of the greatest things about the Pareto Principle or the 80/20 rule, is that it actually tries to make things easier for you! You could even say it's the lazy man's guide to achieving what you want. Because it's not about extreme changes and strict routines - it's about recognizing what 20% of things you do already on a daily basis, accounts for 80% of the results you want. Unfortunately, people would much rather be as they are (inputs) and not bother to make the effort (outputs) of applying such a basic principle into their daily lives in whatever area they want to improve upon. Make the effort, be an output. Find what you are good at and maximize it. Recognize the actions that produce the most results for you and your business and put your energy where the big rewards are.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Effectiveness-of-Paretos-Principle-in-Human-Life&id=9899357

On the Paradox of Finding Comfort in Low Confidence

If you know anyone with low confidence, you'd want them to feel more confident, right?

However, things aren't always that simple.

Low confidence is a lot like depression. In that it has that one counter-intuitive paradox to it:

Depression and low confidence holds us back. But for that same reason, they can actually feel safe.

Indeed, confidence can be scary!

Well, actually, it's not confidence in itself that's scary. On the contrary, confidence is the antithesis to being scared.

However, if one has low confidence or none at all, the IDEA of having it can sometimes be quite frightening.

Indeed, if you have low confidence, confident people can come off as brash, intimidating, and careless towards other people's sensitivities.

Therefore, staying in your "safe spaces" can seem all too easily obvious. You don't speak up; you tend not to disagree; maybe you don't even get out much.

Ultimately, your low confidence can end up as a sort of trusted companion to you. Because not taking any risks can seem safe and secure.

And - you guessed it - here's what's wrong with that... :

Deep down and honestly, beyond all the fear, doubt and superficial comfort, we all know that we want more than that. Some of us might even know that we actually CAN DO better than that.

But taking action can be scary. Because often, we wouldn't know where to start. Nobody told us. How would we know?

And what if we mess it all up beyond repair?? We could ruin our reputation, right?! And other people would maybe LAUGH at us!!

...

Here's what we all need to realize:

The biggest risk is not taking any action at all.

Altogether now:

THE BIGGEST RISK IS NOT TAKING ANY ACTION AT ALL.

Only when we've made it fully clear to ourselves that our perceived comfort in low confidence is by far the bigger evil can we move towards action.

And the good part is that often, the biggest difference is not what action we take, rather than the fact that we take action in the first place.

See, if we truly want to get confidence, we gotta start by getting used to taking action. And, popularly speaking, this means, get off your ass and deal with your circumstances.

But no, really: If you don't take action on your own behalf, who do you expect will do it for you?

Nobody will! Your parents won't be around forever. And your friends' support, however generous, only goes so far. Their food budget isn't yours, and you can't stay on their couch forever. (Or, indeed, any couch.)

And of course, this only applies to those lucky enough to have parents and supportive friends. Not everyone is.

Whatever the case, it really is up to you to take action.

ACTION ITEM:

This week, stretch yourself. Challenge yourself in an area of your life where you have particularly low confidence. (And if that's "all of them", just pick one.)

If you're anxious about approaching other people, do it. Ask a stranger for directions anywhere and exchange a few words in the process. If you feel like you could have done a lot better, do it again.

Getting our of our comfort zone is the true killer of low confidence.

https://ezinearticles.com/?On-the-Paradox-of-Finding-Comfort-in-Low-Confidence&id=9733299

How to Avoid Making Unworthy Decisions

Decisions are something you need to take constantly at the home and work fronts. But too many times we resort to making unworthy decisions which leave us affected badly and in a complete mess. While making decisions, you need to follow a few pointers. What are these? Read on to find out.

Here they are:

1. Make decisions when you are calm and relatively happier

It is better to make decisions when you are at this state because your thoughts will be crystal clear and you will be feeling good about yourself and therefore, good decisions can be made. It never pays off to make hasty decisions when you are all distraught and stressed out.

2. Discuss with your spouse or a close friend when you need to make a decision

If you are having difficulty making a decision regarding something, you can consult someone close or a loved one. Talking with them may help you to see a problem in a new light and therefore, help you to take a decision more appropriately.

3. When you are bogged down, delay making decisions to a later time

You may be going through a low time or even having suicidal thoughts while making a decision about a certain issue; just stop thinking and distract yourself. Call a friend or distract yourself in some other way by focusing on something entirely different. There is no need to take a decision right at this time. Instead, prolong it for later when you are better able to handle it, especially after a good night's sleep or a comfortable afternoon nap.

4. Research the pros and cons of your decision

When you are in an easy, good mood, find out the good and points of the decision you have taken. That would explain how it would put you at advantages or disadvantages. If the pros are more, go for it. Hopefully, you will be able to handle the bad points, which are a minority.

5. After you have made a decision, act quickly and take action

In this competitive age, it is important that you make well-defined decisions and once you have made them, there is no need to delay but to act quickly and take sensible actions. That way you win and your family/career/business soars.

Summing up, those are the five pointers you really need to pay attention in making good and proper decisions. Follow them and you can be sure to thrive high both on the home and work fronts.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10240169

Less Burnout, More Success: The Life-Changing Mindset Shift We All Need!

Many of us suffer with stress, anxiety, burnout, exhaustion and are desperate to escape from this pattern. At the same time, we feel driven to push ourselves in our careers and at home - rarely making time for ourselves or allowing ourselves the nurturing we need to actually thrive.

There's more to it though, often we push so hard that we end up making things harder for ourselves than necessary. Sometimes all our efforts to move forwards are actually counterproductive, and are in fact making things worse. It could be that you've effectively created a ball and chain attached to your ankle, rather than the amazing future you want.

In our western society, we are taught that action is the way to go - that if you want change, you need to set goals, make plans, and then take action.

All of this is, of course, absolutely true, and without goals, plans and actions nothing will happen. However, there's another side to the coin that we often forget...

There's a universal law that the more you push something the more resistance you get back - remember your school physics lessons?

You might already know that I started off my career as a conventional scientist, and I mean conventional... scanning electron microscopes, metallurgical grinding machines, mechanical testing machines, lecture theatres, research proposals, the works! Goodness that was a long time ago!

You'd have thought with such a background that I might have had some clue about this and could avoid this mistake. Alas, if I'm honest I was probably the worst example of this in the whole history of creation... or at least nearly the worst.

Here's the problem. Say we want a particular change in our lives - to get a new job, new relationship, lose the weight - we set our goal and start using all the techniques and actions we believe will get that result. Sounds perfect.

HOWEVER, here's the issue. If you don't see results immediately, you think you're not trying hard enough, so you redouble your efforts. You start pushing very hard in one direction and the resistance kicks in. Basically, when you push too much, you lock the whole thing up and nothing moves. You feel stuck and frustrated. So you push harder. And, you know what, when you push harder you make it even worse. What you create is a never-ending vicious cycle or self-sabotage. Result - only more frustration - stress - anxiety - exhaustion - burnout - despair.

If you want to truly create something, you need to give the universe room to move and do its magic. When we are busy pushing in one direction we are imposing our rigid specifications for the result, the timescale and the way it is going to come about. This is limited by our life experience, and what our brain can imagine. If we impose these things on the process, we may very well be shutting down the creation process altogether! Always remember that the universe has infinite parameters to work with, infinitely more than our little human brains. What if the universe had something 10 times better in store for us, but because if was coming to us via a different route we miss it or block it altogether? If we impose our plan and insist upon it, we can miss that opportunity and get nothing.

It took me a very long time to learn that lesson and I'll admit it's still a challenge to let go and allow things to flow, but I'm much better than I used to be.

So, here are my 4 essential steps to getting yourself out of that downwards spiral, and heading back towards flow, balance and of course results!

1) Shift Your Mindset

Creating the life we want is like growing a beautiful flower, not turning the handle on a sausage machine. Think of yourself as a devoted and expert gardener. When you plant the seeds, you don't bombard them with endless water fertilizer and keep digging them up to see if they are growing yet. You know this will kill the poor thing. When you push yourself mercilessly, this is what you are doing to yourself.

2) Assess Your 'Merciless Quotient'

Stop what you are doing. Sit down. Be honest with yourself. How are you treating yourself? Are you full of self-criticism, judgement, martyrdom, self-sacrifice, non-stop drive? If you are, then the truth is that you are actually crushing yourself. This is KEY.

3) The Law of Blossoming

This is what I call it! Remember those seeds you want to grow, whether in your career or your personal life? If you want them to grow, produce flowers and blossom, then you need to give them OPTIMUM CARE. Optimum care means NOT bombarding them and pushing them. Optimum care is an on-off approach. Give the what they need, then back off and allow creation to happen. Then provide what they need next, then back off again.

The same thing applies to your life. If you want results, set your goals, decide on your initial actions, take those actions, and then RELAX. Allow those actions to take effect. Allow the universe to respond to the messages you have put out. Give it some time.

When you get this, you not only magnify your results, but you also increase your wellbeing by releasing that pressure you've been imposing on yourself. It's a win-win situation.

4) Set yourself up to RECEIVE

Change your schedule to include time-out, rest and self-nurturing. When I say this, I mean time when you are not thinking about all the stuff you're trying to do and create! It is only when you get this let go that you allow the universe time and space to create what you want.

Remember, this will feel counterintuitive! But the truth is more effort does not give you better results. Pull back to receive more is the way it works.

Allow yourself to receive. This is probably one of the hardest things for most women to do. We are so used to giving, giving, giving, that we simply don't have a clue how to let go and allow something to come to us.

Remember, you can't make the bud open into a flower. If you try to pull the petals open you just destroy things. Instead, you just have to wait and let it happen without you.

The key to creating, getting the best results and maintaining your wellbeing is to stop pushing. Yes, set your goals, and take action, but at the same time think about easing off the pressure. Throw your desires and goals out into the universe, and then imagine everything you need flowing to you: the help, the resources, the inspiration, the opportunities the contacts or whatever else is required. Then be open to receive the results.

Shifting yourself into this mindset is both the best way to get lasting results, and also the best way to maintain your wellbeing, health and happiness.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Less-Burnout,-More-Success:-The-Life-Changing-Mindset-Shift-We-All-Need!&id=10245047

Using Personal Development To Discover The Source Of Your Anger

There is an entire industry that focuses on people's inability to control their anger. Some people do need therapy to deal with these issues and that cannot be ignored. However for most of us simply finding the source of that anger and then choosing to take action on dealing with the source will be enough to make a difference in our life.

I am confident in saying that the source of your anger is usually not the external factors you believe it is but you. You are the source. That is what we are going to explore today - how you are creating your own anger.

Control

You see I believe that all emotions can be controlled. We choose what to laugh at, cry at and be inspired by. Anger is no different in the fact if we get angry it is because we consciously chose to be angry. In most cases no one forced us to yell, pound our fists, flip off the guy in traffic or storm out of the room.

Getting angry over things we cannot control or believe could happen but haven't is detrimental to our happiness. A lot of anger comes from a place of feeling like we should be able to control something we can't. This is such a waste of our time and energy. Try to let go of the things that make you angry that you have no control over.

This includes the traffic, the weather, the news, Bob at the office or the anger you feel anticipating that something might go wrong. Anger is usually something you are a manifesting inside long before anything actually happens. Let's use traffic as an example of an uncontrollable.

Before you even leave the house you are angry at how traffic is going to be. Why do we get angry at the traffic? How does it make sense to be in our car giving it to the traffic people whoever they are and wherever they are? They can't hear you! What a waste of precious energy. Why not look at traffic as the mini vacation it can be. Listen to a personal development audio CD, comedy or whatever but you have the choice to make it what it is.

You have the power to change how you look at life which in turns changes how you live that life.

All those little things that bug you at the end of the day are just all you. You cannot change those things in life but you can seek to improve your outlook on them. Do you know who is really bugging you? Yourself and that little voice inside you that is telling you to be angry.

The Little Voice

Let's quickly examine this little voice just to be clear on how it plays a part in our anger. Is your voice saying you should be mad because...

• You don't make enough money
• You don't have the career you deserve
• You don't have the body you want
• Your boss doesn't appreciate or understand you
• People don't treat you right

The list can go on forever but I am here to let you know that you control what that voice is saying. The little voice wants to blame everyone else for why you feel angry and take no responsibility. Stop blaming everyone else for what you don't have and see if it shifts the way you look at things.

At the end of the day everything we have is a direct reflection of the effort we were willing to put into it. Maybe you are angry that you know you could try harder but just don't. I can't be angry at myself for not being a millionaire if I don't want to put in the time and effort to become one. Maybe I will just be mad at the universe for not handing me the money. Ya right!

Positive Anger

How can something as negative feeling as anger have any positive attributes? Well the fact is anger is not always a bad feeling to have if you use it to create a positive outcome. We assert ourselves better with a hint of anger but become aggressive when we let anger control us.

Turn your anger into something positive that helps other people. If you take a look at how a lot of change is created in the world it can usually be traced back to someone choosing to be upset by an event in their life. If it wasn't for those people feeling a need to take action on that anger vs. dwell on it we may not have people who work toward world peace, a green earth, join protective services or combat cruelty to animals.

Using your anger to take action in a positive way is the best method for dealing with that anger.

If you are not looking to change the world you can also exercise, exercise and then exercise some more to combat the effects of anger. Once you become fully self-aware as to why you are angry you will handle it better in the moment but until then you need an outlet for all that anger.

This is especially true if you used to be physically active all the time and are not as much anymore. People do not realize the benefit the regular exercise was giving them because they never attributed exercise to reducing their anger.

Find something you love like running, yoga, martial arts or whatever you find gives you that release. Your body will not only benefit physically but your emotional health will shoot through the roof. If you are going to choose to let things anger you then you might as well benefit from it.

Simply by adding back in the type of exercise you used to love to do you may find some of that anger disappears. Who knows you may discover that the reason you were angry with yourself is because you had given up a physical activity you loved in the first place. You most likely will discover what you are blaming for "making" you give it up.

Acceptance

First ask yourself are you angry at the fact you feel angry? The angrier you feel the angrier you get. This is like adding gas to a fire expecting it to go out. Now is the time to forgive yourself for feeling angry, for the outbursts and the needless hurt you have caused others. Holding onto this will not allow you to make progress.

Accept the fact you are angry and that you are responsible for your anger. That may make some of you defensive and it is not meant to. I want you to feel a surge of personal power instead now that you realize you are the master and commander of your anger.

By acknowledging that yes you are angry with yourself for something you wish you would have done or something you did that you wished you hadn't you can be at peace with it and start fresh. You will never deal with your anger by avoiding admitting you are angry.

Do not be ashamed that you are angry because out of that feeling you will become afraid to fully express your emotions in any way. Even when you have mastered your emotions you will still feel anger sometimes but it will come out as positive self-assertiveness not as a self-destructive behaviour like yelling or overeating.

Accept yourself for what you are right now and move forward.

The Internal Source of Your Anger

I will be so bold as to say almost all of our anger has nothing to do with what is going on around us and everything to do with what is going on inside of us. We are usually angry at ourselves for something. Blame your lack of money on your career all you want but realize that it is you who wakes up each day to go to that career. No one is forcing you but you.

But Darrin, what about the bills, my family and my obligations? Yes we all have those but that doesn't mean you have to be unhappy to fulfill them. If you are unhappy with an area of life get to changing it. This may involve you leaving your comfort zone, taking on new skills and becoming someone you don't believe you are capable of becoming. I believe you can.

It can be difficult to break out of being routinely angry but I want you to see it for the routine it is. If you wake up feeling angry before anything has even happened to you yet then you need to discover the internal source of that anger. You are preplanning being angry.

We all tend to apply all of our past feelings to situations and always want to believe we already know what will happen so we can justify your anger. Just because it happened yesterday doesn't mean it will happen today. Even if it does that doesn't mean you have to react the same.

You never give yourself the opportunity for those situations not to happen or to deal with them in a different way by starting your day angry. Even waking up tomorrow choosing to only plan on reacting to everything in a positive way is a good first step to take.

What you have is the responsibility to not let others anger you through their actions. You are most likely angrier at yourself for letting them make you feel that way vs. their actual act of angering, you intentional or not.

We are angry at ourselves for letting other people control how we feel.

Wake up each day and treat it exactly like it is - a new day. Free of the past and only full of the future you choose to create. What would a day without anger feel like to you?

Today we explored how the main sources of anger could be:

• You have given up something you loved doing; you believe you should be something more than you are, you are trying to control the things in life you have no control over and you are letting others control your emotions.

There could be others so keep digging deeper until you find the source of your anger. It could end up being one main source that has controlled all of your anger. You never know until you take the time to do the work.

The only feelings we feel are the one's we allow others to make us feel. Realizing you have that type of control means you can consciously choose your life.

Take Action Request:

As you can see this is one of the more lengthy posts I have written and this take action request will be more in depth also. If you struggle with anger please take the time to do this.

Get out your journal and write down everything that makes you angry right from the career you hate down to the fact your wife puts her socks on left foot first. Every little thing you can imagine that you know rubs you the wrong way. Now with that do the following:

• Ask yourself why that particular thing makes you angry
• Then ask yourself why exactly that particular answer makes you angry
• Then keep going until the last answer sounds like "The reason I am angry is because I... " this is where you find the source of your anger and can acknowledge and take responsibility for it.

What I hope you discover is how you are choosing to let those things anger you. This exercise should also help you come to the realization at how silly some of the things are that you get mad at and really is just a matter of letting go.

Your Life Your Choice Your Design

"Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him." - Louis L'Amour

https://ezinearticles.com/?Using-Personal-Development-To-Discover-The-Source-Of-Your-Anger&id=7693923