Anger and Its Aftermath

Are you angry right now? If not, when was the last time you felt angry? How did you get angry? My guess is something happened to which you take exception. Someone or something - God, nature, someone you know, a stranger - did something which made you angry. If you can set aside your anger for a moment and think about it rather than indulging it, you will begin to realize that it is not the result of what happened or who did it. It is the result of what you tell yourself about what happened.

If someone bumps into you, listen to what happens in your mind. You may tell yourself that the person is clumsy, stupid or trying to upset you. Your anger arises when you tell yourself that the person should not have done something and that you have a right to be angry about it. So far there is an incident and what you tell yourself about it. If you tell yourself you have been wronged, you are likely to feel angry as a result.

Sometimes you have been wronged deliberately and you have a good reason to be angry. Sometimes you experience an inconvenience or worse which was not intended to harm you. In this case, you are less likely to feel anger. If you find yourself feeling angry, the next question is what to do about it. You have some choices.

You might try to discover whether you were harmed on purpose. If not, you can forgive the person who harmed you accidentally. If you decide you were harmed on purpose, you have other choices. These range from trying to ignore it to reacting in anger and seeking revenge for what was done to you.

How you react also depends on how you tend to think of others. You might see people as generally well intentioned and as a result do not make much of a fuss. You might also have had life experiences which incline you to view others as hostile making you more likely to feel angry and seek a way to even the score.

You have quite a range of choices of how to respond to anger. At the mild end, you can tell the other person you did not like what he or she did. At the other extreme, you can pull out a gun and shoot the other person. There is obviously a wide range of consequences for you and for the other person depending on how you respond. Yet many people do not stop to think about how to react to their anger or about the consequences of how they respond. Indulging angry impulses can have disastrous consequences for you as well as for the target of your anger.

Some people don't find a good way to handle their anger and instead pile one grudge upon another until the load becomes too much to bear. Then they explode in anger in a way far more severe that the immediate incident requires. Again, dire consequences await all concerned. You can avoid this by being aware of your angry feelings and how they arose, examining your options and choosing an appropriate response.

Action Steps

• Try to understand your anger before acting on it. 

• Write about your anger to clarify how you feel and what you can do. 

• Make sure someone is at fault instead of harming you accidentally. 

• Discuss the matter with the other person instead of reacting impulsively. 

• Look for common ground whenever possible.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Anger-and-Its-Aftermath&id=9982033

8 Ways to Improve Your Communication Right Now

Everyone wants to communicate clearly, but little things can create big problems. Try these 8 tips today and you'll see immediate improvement.


No one is a perfect communicator. Throughout our lives, we all develop little habits and patterns. Some of these habits are helpful, while some create challenges when working with others. We don't usually intend to cloud our objectives or make others feel like they weren't heard. In most cases, it's just these little habits that get in the way of solid teamwork and accountability.

Here are 8 simple tips that will solve most communication issues in the workplace.

1. Have One Conversation at a Time

Multitasking may be fine for some, but people rarely want your divided attention. If too many things are going on, you're likely to miss important details that might make the difference between success and failure. Whether you are having a conversation in person or on the phone give the other person focused time. You'll make them feel important and worthy. Plus your conversations will actually be shorter, allowing you to go back and add that important mustache to your Instagram photo.

2. Look People in the Eye


Many people feel odd about looking intensely into others' eyes. I personally find myself naturally focusing on lips in conversations, which can help in a noisy environment. But I have worked hard the last few years to consciously make eye contact. Studies show that doing this conveys truth and honour. It's still a bit awkward. A few people even divert their eyes when I do it. But with most people I feel a stronger connection and find that it's easier to read emotions.

3.  Ask Two Questions

Important conversations are generally for the purpose of transferring information and gaining clarity. If people simply blurt out facts and orders, the information transfer or clarification may not occur. Make it a point in every meaningful conversation to identify a couple of provocative, relevant questions and ask them before you finish talking. The process will make you think harder about what is being said and will ensure both parties were fully engaged.

4.  Write Things Down

I don't understand why people pride themselves on being able to keep stuff in their heads. I like to use my brain space for creative and progressive thinking, not my to-do list. Lord knows we have enough tools to write things down. Please, please, please send a follow up email, or use Evernote, or text yourself, or dare I say it ... use pen and paper. However you do it, record takeaways from the conversation so you don't have to have it again. Oh, and I do find the act of actually writing with pen and paper help me remember better.

5. Read and Respond to the Entire Email

I find people who only read the first line of their email incredibly frustrating. This forces their colleagues to send additional emails just to get issues addressed. Nobody saves any time this way. It just creates angst and extra work. Slow down, read the whole email, and respond to all items. When sending emails, keep them short and to the point or you deserve to be ignored. Use numbered lists and bullet points to make your ideas clear and simple to address. If you have tons to discuss, pick up the phone.

6.  Create a Response Schedule

Setting a routine for communiction can help both with your productivity and with managing expectations of the people with whom you interact. It's frustrating to spend time chasing other, not knowing when you will get a response. I solve this problem with a simple rule of thumb. Generally, when available, I respond to texts within 20 minutes, phone messages within an hour, and e-mails within 24 hours. You can set your own appropriate timeframe, but once you have a schedule you can better manage your time. You can also let people know what to expect. Those who work with you regularly will soon recognize and respect your habits.

7.  Assume Best Intentions

With the increase in texting and short e-mails, it's often hard to know the intended tone of communication. I regularly hear people complain about someone's attitude from a perfectly innocuous email. People end up reading in the emotion that supports their own point of view. If any animosity exists between the parties, the perceived tone goes south, fast. With any short communication, always start with the assumption that the intentions are good on the other side. If there's any doubt, pick up the phone and give them a chance to insult you directly--just so you can be sure.

8.  Close the Loop

For detailed communicators like me, I need confirmation to know that a conversation is finished. If I send you an email or text giving you requested information, I have no way of knowing that you received it and it was acceptable unless you tell me. If I don't hear from you, I worry that the email went to spam, or you weren't satisfied. My brain will keep wondering and I will start following up with more texts or emails, which waste your time and fill your inbox. Solve the problem for both of us by replying with a simple "Got it" or "Thanks." You can even set this up in your mail program as a signature to save keystrokes. Not doing this is the electronic equivalent of rudely walking away from a conversation while we are still talking.

http://www.inc.com/kevin-daum/8-ways-to-improve-your-communication-right-now.html