I Love to Cry, What About You? (By Kathleen Dwyer-Blair )

When I say, I love to cry, I do not mean that I love to feel sad, hurt, grief, or disappointment. What I mean is that I love that I have a vehicle (tears) to move my sadness, hurt, grief and disappointment out of my body. I am grateful that I have become comfortable enough with crying that tears just naturally come when they need to.

In a recent article, I spoke about how much I love to laugh. Here I will be talking about how much I love to cry, and how cleansing, and important, it is to do so. Tears are our bodies way of releasing sadness, emotional pain, grief, frustration, anger, and yes, joy.

Stop Crying

Have you ever been so moved, or touched, by something someone said, or did, or experienced something so profound that you noticed you were tearing up? Did you allow yourself to cry freely, or did you suppress, or hide, your tears? So many of us find crying, or being with someone crying, uncomfortable.

How many times have we heard as a child, or adolescent, or even adult, "Don't cry"? This response implies there is something wrong with crying, that it is not okay to do so, or even more so, there is something wrong with us because we are crying. As opposed to the reality that tears are a natural response to distress.

Others of us have heard, or been asked, "What are you crying about?" Again, a clear message that something is wrong with the person who is crying. Or in dysfunctional families, some of us have heard, "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about."

The Cleansing Gift of a Good Cry

Allowing ourselves to cry when the tears want to come is a gift we give ourselves. If we are with someone who feels the need to cry, allowing them to do so, and holding the space, is a gift we give them. So many of us push back our tears hoping we can contain them. Others feel sad, hurt, grief, and yet the tears are stuck and don't come. Our culture doesn't encourage and support crying, it's just the opposite-it discourages it. How many times have you noticed oneself, or someone else, crying and the person is immediately handed a tissue? This nonverbal gesture may imply, wipe your tears.

Your Tears are Welcome

In my psychotherapy office, although there are tissues on every table, I do not hand them to someone out of concern that they will misinterpret that I'm wanting them to stop crying. Instead I encourage someone who is crying by saying something like, "Just let that come. Your tears are very welcome here. It's okay."

Often, when I say this, the tears come in full force. Later when we process what happened I hear something like, "This is the first time, or one of the rare times, someone has been okay with my tears."

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When and Why Crying Can Help You Cope

Have you ever felt bombarded with life's knock downs month after month? If yes, how did you deal with them? This article shows you what to do when you are in the middle of such a crisis.

Little babies are unable to talk or walk. By crying out loud they demand food and attention. In a similar way, when you are out of your wits dealing with life's multi-dimensional knock downs, the easiest thing you can do is to break down and cry. Cry as much as you want until all your pent-up emotions like anger, pain, stress and disappointments are drained out. It is healthy to cry. Once you are done with it, you feel lighter and find it easier to cope with your life's situation.

Here are a few scenarios when crying will definitely aid you:

1) Demise of someone you love

Say, a close family member passed away. There's no way you can have him/her back. The easiest way to beat this crisis is to cry voluminously. After you are done, your heart and mind will both be at ease. Gradually you will start figuring out the next steps of your life and take my word: You will thrive. Definitely.

2) You have been laid off

Sure, you put a lot of effort into your work but your company has begun to downsize its employees and you are one of them. Don't lose heart but have a good cry privately. Come on that's not the end of the world! You have a whole lot of other companies out there who would recruit you happily for your lovely experiences and expertise.

3) Your spouse is hinting for a divorce

Go with the flow. Let your spouse file a divorce. You can't force anything nor can you change his mind if he is adamant about it. Give him space. Go through the process and face it. Remember to cry secretly to release your suppressed emotions. You will be OK and start to feel better soon.

4) Someone hurt your feelings

Actually no one can hurt you unless otherwise how you perceive what someone said to you. If it's hurting you too badly, excuse yourself and have a good, private cry. You will regain strength after that. You will be vibrant and full of vigor just because you allowed yourself to discharge your emotions.

5) Watching/Reading Sad Movies/Books

As you watch/read a sad movie/book, you don't seem to help crying. Don't suppress it. Let it run while you gain the insights of the movie/book. The producer/author must be very skilled to let you step into their drama and make you get entangled with it. Nevertheless when you feel like crying, do cry. That's what makes the experience more enlivening and worthy.

Summing up, the above are some of the cases where I really encourage you to cry in order to cope with the situation on hand. It shouldn't be too hard. Take it easy and have a good cry. Life will definitely fall together because life is apt to change.

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