If You Want Something New, It Begins With You (By Tony Fahkry)

Take Life Into Your Own Hands

Look around you. What do you see? I don't mean literally but figuratively. What is missing from your life right now? What would make your life complete? Putting aside the restrictions of the current pandemic, think of something you've wanted that hasn't happened yet? There's a mistaken belief that when we get what we want, we'll be happy. Experience has taught me that yearning for something absent in my life, rarely improves it. There must be a deeper desire to change our circumstances, aligned with our core values.

If we want things to change, it must begin with us. Sometimes, it may arise from frustration with the way things are, or realising something is missing. For example, if we are lonely, we might want to be in an intimate relationship to compensate for our loneliness. But are we making the right choice, or are we trying to fill a void that can be achieved another way? For instance, we might take up a hobby or lend our support by volunteering to a charity, where we find deeper meaning and purpose. Here, we may or may not attract a relationship because that is not our chief aim. Our intention is to alleviate our loneliness and be around like-minded people.

For example, think about trying to fix a problem which didn't turn out as planned? Did you consider alternative solutions, or were you fixed on a particular outcome? What I'm trying to say is: We must keep an open mind and explore other possibilities, if we want to change our life. Lamenting how things are, without taking action is a recipe for disappointment. It requires taking life into our own hands and searching for solutions. We may not know which outcome is best until we road test it. So, trying to cure our loneliness by way of a relationship comes with its problems. Similarly, giving of our time through volunteer work also has problems, but the benefits are greater.

Align With Your Core Values

Regrettably, life isn't as well-organised as we like it to be and there are benefits to this, which we may not appreciate. But, if we consider our actions as potential learning experiences, we cannot win or lose. In which case, we adopt an optimistic outlook when a situation does not play out as expected. Are you happy with this idea, that it's okay to make mistakes, as long as you're learning important lessons and not beating yourself up? Life can be an imperfect school, where each experience is a springboard towards further growth and expansion. We mustn't view our experiences as win or lose because that puts pressure on us to succeed. And as you know, success is the by-product of repeated failures and losses.

I can relate to this because in my 20s and 30s, I made so many mistakes and thought I was cursed or doomed for failure. But looking back, I can see how those experiences had to happen, since I gained the wisdom and knowledge not to repeat them. So, whatever is missing from your life, consider three alternative solutions. Don't be quick to jump to the first one that comes to mind. Take your time to test drive it, as ideas on paper or consulting with friends and family. You might not take any action because sometimes doing nothing can be a blessing in disguise. I would encourage you to journal your thoughts on paper, before committing to a particular path.

To improve our circumstances, we shouldn't believe life will undertake it for us. It requires a strong desire, aligned with our core values and exploring various options. Even then, there is no assurance we have made the right choice, since life offers no guarantees. Therefore, become curious about the process and see your decisions as pieces of a puzzle coming together. It requires being patient, curious, and not fixed on a particular outcome. We ought to keep an open mind and a soft heart, so life can bring us what we need at the right time.

https://ezinearticles.com/?If-You-Want-Something-New,-It-Begins-With-You&id=10339975

Why Are You Still Holding Onto That Piece Of Pooh?

Did you know that any life draining habit you have has the potential to open you up to your untapped sources of sustainable and vibrant energy?

So if you have issues with seeking validation from external sources such as friends, your children, your spouse, inanimate objects and even strangers - you know what?... you have hit a gold mine!

When you rely on yourself for validation you develop an internal source of power that instantly benefits you in immense ways. Because this power is cultivated internally, it causes your core values to strengthen and thus you can positively grow in any direction that you choose - no longer reliant on what anyone says.

The other choice you have in life is to seek validation and approval from other people, strangers or even just a construct of 'other' is enough to retard some people!

Relying on others to make you 'valid' not only destroys any sense of self worth, but you live a life of moving with fear rather than through it - a life where you are controlled by others, making it virtually impossible to realize your potential!

When you seek to validate yourself through others you become an addict to external sources of power. As an addict you rapidly lose trust in yourself, which in turn weakens your ability to focus and have faith in your internal goals... what truly matters to you... what gives you purpose and meaning in life!

What I have come to realize for myself is this -

When working with addiction - 'who' or 'what' you seek validation from is of little matter. And by focusing on 'who' or 'what' you seek to validate you actually slow down your own healing process, because again you are focusing on the 'external' source in order to heal what is ultimately an 'internal' issue.

If you have cultivated the habit to seek validation from others you can be sure that you also been actively cultivating aversion to focusing internally within. You may find it hard to stay grounded, stay true to your core values, attract healthy relationships, reach personal goals, drain your spouse/kids, be disciplined and are easily distracted.

It doesn't help that epidemic levels of social media, that encourage people's capacity for external validation, are there to distract you at every turn! Therefore more than ever we need to validate our own path and practice.

So how do you stop seeking validation from others?

The answer is simple.

[OK now for the bit about pooh... ]

If you had a piece of pooh in your hand would you hold onto it; looking at it carefully, studying its texture etc? No way! Of course you would drop that piece of pooh right on the floor - no need to wait for validation to drop it, right?! It is a piece of pooh after all and not something that you want in your hand one second longer thank you very much!

The same goes for letting go of the need to seek validation from others... just drop it.

Then ask yourself the following questions again and again in order to re-educate yourself through your own cleansing honesty.

Is seeking validation from others draining me?

Has it increased my suffering?

If the answer is 'Yes' and 'Yes' then it is time for you to stand on your own two feet, reconcile who you are and when around others contain your own energy by staying focused on observing yourself - whether it be your breath, your activity, your hands, your feet, dharmic practice... basically whatever works!

It is really simple and may feel strange at first to go inside for recognition. You may feel vulnerable. That's good... keep at it!

As you change you may even feel the urge to get angry and blame all those you have been using to make you valid! Remember that the validation you truly seek comes from inside. Let go of struggling with external forces and focus where it counts - inside - in you.

Your Spiritual path will surely accelerate as you drop that piece of pooh and discover the gold mine of internal resources within!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Are-You-Still-Holding-Onto-That-Piece-Of-Pooh?&id=9632748

Why Mistakes Lead To Massive Inner Growth When You Live Purposefully

Make Decisions In Alignment With Your Highest Values

It's certain if you're reading this that you've made mistakes throughout your life, some of which you may regret.

Mistakes are unavoidable because they are sewn into the fabric of life and none are immune to them.

You might fear making mistakes because you believe they are damaging. Sometimes they are, for example taking a wrong dose of medication, cheating on your spouse or illegal activities.

But primarily we are talking about life's mistakes related to: career, finances, business, health, etc.

Mistakes are pivotal in your personal development and lead to massive personal growth.

Stephen R. Covey states in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: "It is not what others do or even our own mistakes that hurt us the most; it is our response to those things."

While mistakes are fundamental to your personal development, they can also erode your character and weaken your self-esteem. If you recollect back to your childhood, mistakes were associated with being reprimanded.

You may carry this burden throughout adulthood hoping to make amends, not realising you're trying to heal something that is not broken.

I use the term purposefully in the title to draw your attention to living consciously, in contrast to automatically. The former invites you to make decisions that are congruent with your highest values and true character.

The latter denotes someone unconscious to their beliefs and motives. They act with little conscious awareness until much later on. They are living their childhood wounds without making peace with them.

Purposeful living means living intentionally with values that reinforce character. Therefore, if you are not making mistakes regularly, you are not abiding by your core values.

"Purpose in life is concerned with what we most deeply value, and purposeful living is concerned with whether we're living for what matters most," explains Victor J. Strecher in Life on Purpose: How Living for What Matters Most Changes

Mistakes are a doorway for inner expansion. They are pivotal moments in your life's experience. The period that follows mistakes is characterised by a change in values and beliefs to coincide with a new level of awareness.

Mistakes Are Part Of Your Journey

I've had the good fortune of making countless mistakes throughout my life.

I turned my back on a career in the creative field because I was no longer passionate about it. This coincided with less than optimal health choices, including overconsumption of alcohol and junk foods, conducive to the creative profession I was in.

It took a health scare while abroad to evaluate what was important. When I look back on my mistakes, each one led to a shift in awareness and major breakthroughs.

You needn't experience an awakening to receive the benefits of personal growth, however every mistake is an opportunity to expand your mental landscape.

You cannot make mistakes in a purposeful universe because there are no exams in life. I have no evidence of what takes place in the afterlife, let alone if it exists. For now, focus on the life you have and live it intentionally knowing mistakes are part of the journey.

Stephen R. Covey says: "Do not fear mistakes-fear only the absence of creative, constructive, and corrective responses to those mistakes."

I was drawn to a comment on TV recently regarding a documentary about women living in the Australian outback, known for its harsh conditions.

One woman interviewed said something that personifies the spirit of life. After losing her husband in a tragic motorcycle accident on their property she said: "Life is not fair, but it is still good."

In light of that, what if your mistakes were life leaving you clues to your success?

What if they were an opportunity to draw you closer to your goals?

Granted, they may be frustrating at the time and difficult to move past. The problem is not the mistakes themselves but your perception of them. It makes sense to consider problems as signposts leading to victory instead of obstacles slowing you down.

It was the late American businessman Thomas J. Watson Sr. who said: "Would you like me to give you the formula for success? It's quite simple, really. Double your rate of failure... You're thinking of failure as the enemy of success. But it isn't at all... You can be discouraged by failure-or you can learn from it. So go ahead and make mistakes. Make all you can. Because, remember, that's where you'll find success. On the other side of failure."

Live A Purposeful Life

If you want to accomplish great things in life, strength of character is fundamental to achievement because it is developed in those tenuous moments.

To realise your goals, embrace mistakes and allow them to shape your character since you will appreciate them more when looking back on your life.

Mistakes are signs that lead to substantial inner growth.

They are crucial to nudging you closer to your goals and ambitions.

Mistakes are life's way of teaching you vital lessons to expand your mind to new horizons you otherwise would not have expected.

Gary Keller and Jay Papasan believe, "Extraordinary results aren't built solely on extraordinary results. They're built on failure too. In fact, it would be accurate to say that we fail our way to success."

"When we fail, we stop, ask what we need to do to succeed, learn from our mistakes, and grow. Don't be afraid to fail. See it as part of your learning process and keep striving for your true potential."

My past mistakes opened the doors to massive discoveries and a rise in motivation in the weeks and months that followed.

I liken it to once training with a boxing instructor years ago to improve my fitness. He would often strike me with a forceful blow to the head with focus pads when I dropped my guard. As much as I despised it, I become better at thinking on my feet and not reacting.

Therefore, my mistake of dropping my guard reminded me to protect my head at all times since I knew what would happen if I didn't.

If you're frustrated with your mistakes, I urge you to ask one simple question: "What could I possibly learn from this?"

That question alone will help you focus on solutions rather than being mired in your mistakes.

Consult those you respect whether they have made similar mistakes in the past. It might be the mistakes you're making are ones most people make.

Ultimately, mistakes are crucial to learning and gaining knowledge and insights.

Learn to embrace them and rise above your fears to live a purposeful life that you have always sought to live.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Mistakes-Lead-To-Massive-Inner-Growth-When-You-Live-Purposefully&id=9854020

10 Things I've Learned From Being a Mediator

I'm lucky that I've had so much training and experience mediating issues between others. It's impossible to be a part of the mediation community for so long and not learn a thing or two about oneself in the process. So, I'm going to share, in no particular order of importance, 10 things I've learned along the way.

1) Gossip is boring. I don't mind people sharing updates about family or friends with me, but when it turns into a conversation that has too many oohs, ahs, and smirky faces, I'm out. My threshold for listening to someone jabber on about others is low because I have learned that if they talk about other people like that, they probably talk about me like that. No thanks.

2) Everyone cares about something so much that they'll do crazy stuff to defend it. In the world of mediation those things are called core values. But, without going into too much detail about them, I now know that when someone reacts to a small situation in a big way, it's because something they value is being threatened. And now, rather than jump back at them, I'm curious to find out what that "something" is.

3) I don't have to like you. I struggled for years trying to find the good in others, feeling guilty for being too critical of some people, and beating myself up for not making more of an effort with difficult folks. Now? I'm good not to like every single person on the face of the planet.

4) I don't have to fix everything. It's okay, and I mean okay, for me to let other people work out their own issues on their own timeline. I'll just be over here focusing on my own life, thank you.

5) Everyone is a mess. I read a quote once that said something like, "everyone has a life and no one gets out of it", meaning that every one of us experiences sad, bad, and lousy events that mess with us. We all have issues and we're all trying to mask them, deal with them, or sometimes share them in the most inappropriate ways.

6) I can work things out when I'm ready. It's okay to lick to my wounds, think about things, vent to my trusted confidants, wait a while, think about things some more, and then resolve issues with others. It doesn't have to be on anyone else's timeline if it doesn't feel right for me.

7) Giving space to others doesn't mean I'm giving up. If I'm willing to give myself the time and space to think things through, it's certainly okay for me to do that for others. Everything doesn't have to happen right here, right now.

8) Sometimes it's not possible. Mental health issues, addictions, and things greater than all of us really can, and do, get in the way of mending relationships.

9) I truly can be happier walking away. After so many failed attempts to build a relationship that feels authentic and genuine, it's okay for me to let it go. I mean really let it go. I've discovered that the empty feeling I thought would be there is actually a space that gets filled with contentment and peace.

10) I can think whatever nasty thoughts I want. Over the years I've become much better at editing my critical thoughts about others. I've also become much, much better at editing how those thoughts sound when they exit my mouth. But, there are those days when I give myself permission not to edit anything rolling around in this brain of mine. I've learned that I can think whatever I want about whomever I want and that doesn't make me a bad person. In fact, last I checked, it makes me human.

http://ezinearticles.com/?10-Things-Ive-Learned-From-Being-a-Mediator&id=8778698

Starting at the Core

When working on self-development, you have to start with something. In philosophy, Descartes doubted everything he could until he reached his core realization: "I think, therefore I am." In self-development, the core is not thought but values. What are your core values? That question becomes the basis of your journey of improvement.

Each of us has a unique set of values. They may be similar to others, but never an exact copy. It is one of the qualities which make us unique. You can spend a lifetime knowing another person, but unless you recognize the differences in core values that person will still surprise you.

Our values come from a variety of sources. Some of the more common sources are upbringing, organizations, and readings. Our parents start the process by teaching us as children; we watch and listen to our parents, learning what they value, acting in ways we hope they would approve. To this is added the organizations we are part of: the schools, the churches, the clubs, the troops. These organizations can be formal or informal, but all organizations are based on some set of principles which we learn and abide by, at least as long as we are a member of the group. The books we read provide another source of value input; books we have to read (such as for school) and books we choose to read. Other sources include people we meet, our culture, the media, and more.

All of these sources combine to create our own unique set of core values. These values can change over time, either consciously or subconsciously. Until we learn our core principles, including the ones buried deep within, we cannot truly know ourselves. Recognize that core values are neither all good nor all bad, but they are one of the foundations of our actions.

Our beliefs determine what we like and don't like, and how strong our likings are. They influence our choice of friends, careers, and hobbies. They guide our choices of activities. Core values determine our goals and dreams, making some things desirable and others not. The worthiness of actions is judged by a standard set by our core values.

So, if we want to change, we need to identify our core values. This fact has been recognized by many people under many names, from Vic Johnson's "limiting beliefs" to T. Harv Eker's "mental blueprint" to Bob Proctor's "paradigms." Regardless of what they are called, change will only come from recognition of your unique set of core values and a conscious decision to change those values which are holding you back.

The phrase "Know thyself" has been around for a long time. Learning your personal set of core values is a key step in knowing yourself. Only after you know yourself can you begin to develop yourself. This is true self awareness.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Starting-at-the-Core&id=9322364

How to Live a Rich Life

I want to apologize for such a long post today, but I had a lot on my mind to give to you and I believe it will help you tremendously.

Being a Successful Entrepreneur is more than just acquiring as much money as you humanly possibly can before you die. It is more than just offering a product or a service for consumers to buy through a business entity that you own. It is more than having people to manage and people to tell what to do. It is more than being rich financially. Even though all or some of these things may be a part of being a successful entrepreneur they are mainly byproducts of what is truly important. There is a part of being an entrepreneur that does involve achieving or accomplishing a goal but there is a part that transcends all of those benefits. Since we all have been placed on this earth with a purpose in mind, I believe that is the most important part of being successful. That part is that as we are blessed we are to bless others or as the Bible states we are blessed to be a blessing. Simply put we are all here to be generous.

I have learned that possessing, developing, and growing a generous heart is probably the most important asset that a successful entrepreneur can have. This opinion was put into proper perspective when I read a story from The NewYorker about the $40 Million Elbow. I do not know if you are familiar with the 1932 Picasso portrait entitled "Le Rêve". Well I vaguely remember it in my art-history textbook from college and I remember seeing it in my children's history photo sheets of famous artist and their art. This painting was of Picasso's mistress, Marie-Thérèse Walter and Steve Wynn who is a casino mogul and collects masterpieces bought this painting in 1997 for $48.4 million. Wynn decided that he wanted to sell it to hedge-fund mogul and avid collector Steven Cohen for $139 million.

Wynn hosted a party the weekend before the exchange would occur and during the dinner party he was standing in front of the painting talking with guests about Picasso. Unfortunately, Wynn suffers with retinitis pigmentosa, an eye disease that affects his peripheral vision. Due to this disease he stepped back and punctured the painting with his elbow. Everyone stopped and Wynn said ' I can't believe, I just did that. Oh, S---. Oh, man."

Wynn turned and poked his pinkie finger into the hole and observed that a flap of canvas had been pushed back. He turned to his guests and said, "Well, I'm glad I did it and not you." I tell you this story because when I read about it I found it unbelievable. I actually felt sorry for him. But it got me to thinking about Wynn's final statement which was "Well, I'm glad I did it and not you." That statement came from a person of great grace, character and integrity. Wynn did not get upset, he didn't act ignorant, he simply said, I'm glad I did it and not you." In other words, better me than you, because at least I can afford to have done it.

Being rich or living a rich life goes beyond a $3,000 tailor-made suit or living in a multi-million dollar home. It goes far beyond what can be done for me, it begins and ends with how I can help someone else. When I think about being rich and living a rich life I think of generosity. I think of being generous with my time and money. As a matter of fact, I have seen and experienced where a helping hand can go further than a $10,000 check.

Steve Wynn's comment taught me a lot about generosity. Now in the story he wasn't actually giving anything to anyone he was the one to receive something pretty grand which was a $90.6 million profit. I would say Mr. Cohen would have been the generous one. However, I did receive a lesson from his reaction. It is the small things in life that may yield you the most. This made me think about my core values because that is essentially what generosity is. It is more about who you are regarding your character, integrity, and morality.

I was talking to my oldest daughter the other day and she asked me about whether men should automatically pay for a date or if it should be equal. The first thing that I told her was that life isn't fair and it is not necessarily equal for everyone. There is nothing more unattractive than a cheap man. Not only that it will show her whether or not he is a generous person. I told her that her mother NEVER had to pay for dates and it was not out of some obligation or that I was expecting something in return but because I found value in her mother beyond what her mother could do for me and wanted to show my generosity in paying for the date. I wanted to pay for the date because that was a way in me saying thank you for being such a wonderful human being, I enjoyed your company and I would love to go on another date. Then I shared with her that that same spirit is what allowed me to become the successful business man that I am today.

There were many times when I was in my early 20's trying to make it BIG and I would grab the attention and time of someone who was actually an influencer and I would offer to take them to lunch and them not knowing that I had to save up to afford the lunch, these CEOs would not allow me to pay even though I was the one requesting the lunch. They knew that a young buck like me couldn't afford where we were eating. They knew it yet they always paid. There have been times that I would receive tickets to a baseball game from business people in order for me to be introduced to others that may be able to help me. I have received cards in the mail just thanking me for taking them away from their busy schedules and breaking up the monotony of their day. But on the flip side of that I remember calling and working out for many families dinners when they did not have them. I have given out clothes year after year. I have given Gatorade to an underprivileged golf camp. But I can say the most generous and thoughtful thing that I have learned was through my 9 year old daughter.

I am the Director of an outreach ministry and we were given boxes full of new clothes. The day that I was going to drop those close off my daughter asked me if I could spare about 4 of the men's shirts. I asked her why, she said that she wanted to give them to 4 of the kids in her class because they did not have art shirts and because I gave her one of my old shirts that covers her like a dress and it kept her clothes clean and it was the best. She said she didn't want their clothes to get dirty and for them to have a good art shirt like hers. She thought about her classmates without them ever asking her for it. My neighbor's cat got lost and so she designed flyers, printed them out and her and her sister hung them up for our neighbor. That meant the world to our neighbor that she cared that much to actually do something.

The funny part is that my daughter didn't give millions of dollars away, but her level of generosity was definitely worth it. If we see a need and help to fill that need we would live a rich life. Generosity shows its beautiful face in many ways. Saying "I love you" to a loved one, buying someone's favorite gum, connecting with people, inviting them for dinner, sending them a link to something that they were down about. It does not have to be expensive because generosity is seeing what is needed (being observant of people) and then filling that need.

Living a Rich Life doesn't mean that it is all about money. In fact, money probably is the smallest element to living such a life. Living a Rich life means to connect with your core values and having a desire to give those to others. Although I grew up being taught how to be generous my mother cooked Sunday dinners for her friends every Sunday, my father cut people's grass for free who couldn't and still does and he is 78 years old. But I have come to know a level of generosity through my children that has affected my business.

If you see someone who is struggling to sponsor someone don't just say 'oh it will happen, you will get there'. Pick up the phone with them and get on a three-way. Take the time to teach them the skills to being a better closer, a presenter, etc. Send them information regarding how to sponsor. Send them emails of encouragement, Create a manual that provides value because if that person has that problem there are others too. These and many, many value laced things allow you to be generous and trust me that generosity doesn't just stop with them, you will reap what you sow. You will be rewarded handsomely. Give value to the world and trust me you will live a rich life. I promise you it does come back 100-fold to you.

I pray that this helps you realize the opportunity that you have in front of you to change your life and others as well.

You can have PURPOSE DIRECTED SUCCESS in your business today!

https://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Live-a-Rich-Life&id=9304266