Showing posts with label overcoming adversity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label overcoming adversity. Show all posts

Overcoming Adversity on the Path to Success

In the nursery rhyme Little Red Riding Hood we see her on the way to her grandmother's house. Along the way she runs into a big bad wolf who is bent on making sure Little Red Riding Hood never makes it there. This is a good illustration of the way adversity gets in the way of those striving to be successful.

It would be nice if all we had to do was walk on the path and eventually run into success. No obstacles or difficulties; just smooth sailing. Sadly, that is almost never the case. In order to prevail to reach our goal we must first overcome the many obstacles that stand in our way.

To think that adversities don't exist would be foolish. Every path that leads to success has some adversity on it. The question should be just what the adversity is. If it is something that is happening to you because you are trying to become great, then it should be expected. However, some adversity is not so much about you but about what you are attempting. This adversity must be considered differently.

Looking to lose weight? The adversity may be food, love of eating, working in a restaurant, etc. These factors you have some control over. Flying a spacecraft to Venus will require more than just overcoming personal adversity. You will need a lot of support in order to make that a reality.

These obstacles that stand in the way can come in a variety of disguises including:

• People - isn't it amazing that most people have no problem with helping you when you are struggling but stand in opposition when you on a clear path to becoming a winner. Most people are OK with you surviving but not thriving and certainly not passing them up on the road to success.

• Places - maybe you have a great idea but not the right place to make it happen. Location is key to finding success. You can have the right idea and all the ingredients you need but if you try to make it happen in a not so desirable place then failure is imminent.

• Materials - in the tv show MacGyver he has a knack for using nearby materials to help him out of a jam. In the same way you cannot be a success unless you have the materials you need to make things happen.

It is possible to overcome adversity to achieve success.


https://ezinearticles.com/?Overcoming-Adversity-on-the-Path-to-Success&id=10375040

7 Things Men Really Really Want In A Relationship

Open any beauty magazine and you'll see article upon article about what women want in relationships and how to get that. But there's rarely a space for men to express their relationship needs. Thanks to MindBodyGreen for creating that space. Here are 7 things that men really want in a relationship.
1. To feel like your hero
We don’t want to be your Clark Kent. We want to be your Superman. We want you to see us as leaping tall buildings in a single bound and catching bullets. We want to carry you in our arms and show you the world. Or at least feel that way. And I know it’s our job to get there, but nothing gives us more strength than a woman who creates a space that makes us feel invincible. If you make us feel invincible, we’ll make you feel like you’re the most beautiful creature on this planet.
2. Acceptance
There’s a new T-shirt trending Los Angeles titled “Love Me Anyways.” They should make them for men. Because we NEED to feel that when we stack the dishes in the dishwasher like a five year-old, say the wrong thing in front of your friends, leave the toilet seat up, get too logical, forget something you’ve said a thousand times, that you love us anyways. Because inside every man is a boy who forgets he’s a man sometimes. And every boy gets into things, not because he’s bad but because he’s got a curious mind and a short attention span.
Unconditional support from our woman is what will snap us out of our boyish behavior and inject us with a desire to be a stronger man. Only when you accept us as we are, who we are, will we want to become someone better.
3. Not to be left in the dark
So many women don’t tell their men how they feel because they don’t want to rock the boat. Or they’re afraid. The truth is when you don’t express yourself, you leave us in the dark. We don’t really know the truth of you. You are prepackaging and presenting parts of your life instead of doing your whole life with us.
Couples grow and get stronger overcoming adversity, not by doing life separately. Know that every time you hold things in, you are building walls inside the sacred space of the relationship. No, we don’t want you to verbally vomit on us. But believe it or not, we really do want to know who you truly are.
4. Blinders sex
There’s sex. Then there’s blinders sex, the kind of sex that gives you blinders, keeps your eyes forward and intentions straight when you’re out in the world. Let’s face it. Men are going to look. They’re like squirrels. They get distracted by shiny things. But there’s a difference between noticing and wanting. Blinders sex gets men to say, “Yeah, she may be pretty but I would never trade in what I have for anything else.”
Blinders sex isn’t just good sex. It’s a unique connection with someone that makes you fantasize about them in the shower, call in sick so you can lie in bed all day making love and eating Oreos. It produces glue that cannot happen with anyone else.
5. The C-word
Communication. Without it, relationships are built on sand. We want you to communicate directly. We don’t get clues. We need things spelled out. And we understand that if you have to spell it out, it’s not the same. You don’t just want us to do the dishes. You want us to want to do the dishes. We get it. OK, then tell us. Explain. Model how you would like us to communicate back.
For many of us, communication is not our specialty. We need some guidance. Generally speaking, men tend to pull from a logical place. Women pull from an emotional place. If you can meet us at logic, we will will match your emotions. Hopefully. But we need you to tell us.
6. Sweat
There’s nothing sexier than working out with your intimate partner. Watching you sweat and work on your body only encourages us to work on ours as well. We get to see the raw and real you, a different type of naked. Now, if we do this together, we’re in the act of building something, a lifestyle. We’re not just talking. We’re doing. And that’s hot.
7. To have our own lives
We may not say it, because how do you tell the person you love to get a life? But we really want you to have your own life. Really. We want you to have your own set of friends, activities, and passions. Of course we want to be supportive of everything you care about and be a part of anything you would like us to be a part of, but we want you to have your own identity.
Because if you have nothing that is yours, our relationship is standing on one leg. Also, if you have your own life, it forces us to get our own life as well or risk losing you. Forget legs. Let’s put our relationship on wheels. One is yours. One is mine. And together, we’ll ride.

An Army Special Forces officer shares 5 secrets to overcoming adversity

Life can be really difficult sometimes. We all deal with it. But how do top performers overcome challenges? And what can we learn from them?
I figured I'd call an expert.
Who knows about overcoming adversity? Special Forces.
So I called Mike Kenny. Mike's a Special Forces Lieutenant Colonel with 22 years of service under his belt. For most of his career he was an 18 Alpha (Special Forces Officer) and is currently the Special Operations Forces liaison to the School of Advanced Military Studies.
Most of what you may think you know about Special Forces is wrong. You might be imagining summer movies and gun battles. But a lot of what they deal with isn't all that much different from some of the challenges you face.
SEALs and Rangers specialize in "direct action" and "special reconnaissance." Meanwhile, Special Forces is focused on "foreign internal defense" and "unconventional warfare."  That means preventing or assisting an insurgency. So, plain and simple, SF guys need a lot of people skills.
They're good behind the gun, no doubt, but they spend a lot of their time working with people — and usually people who don't speak their language and don't share a common culture. Which means they face a lot of problems that you can't just shoot or blow up.
Here's what you can learn from Special Forces training about overcoming adversity.

1. Prepare, Prepare, Prepare

We often wait until the hurricane hits us to think about how we're going to cope with it. Special Forces, on the other hand, is very big on preparing.
Via "Masters of Chaos: The Secret History of the Special Forces:"
The Special Forces are not a rapid deployment force; the secret of their success is intensive preparation. The men studied the area they were assigned as thoroughly as any Ph.D. student. They sucked up every available open-source and classified assessment of the demographics, tribal clans, local politics, religious leaders and schisms, history, terrain, infrastructure, road maps, power grids, water supplies, crops, and local economy. They planned, debated, and rehearsed both combat and follow-on operations.
Many of the benefits that come from preparation are obvious. Nobody thinks preparing is bad. But Mike pointed out something that isn't so readily apparent.
Not only does preparation get all your ducks in a row but prep changes your attitude. You're more confident and this creates an upward spiral that improves performance. Here's Mike:
Something that people underestimate is that preparedness is not only that you're hardening and conditioning your body, but there's a powerful mental aspect. Physically, you know you're prepared. You and your mind are going, "I'm ready for this. This is what they said their standard was, and I know I can do that. I know I'm at this level so that whatever they throw at me I know I am adequately conditioned."
Research shows this feeling of control neutralizes stress and builds courage.
When you do blood tests on soldiers during a challenging task, what do you find? The level of stress hormones in their bodies doesn't match the difficulty of the task, it matches their perception of the difficulty.
Via "Maximum Brainpower: Challenging the Brain for Health and Wisdom:"
What mattered was how closely the anticipated challenge matched the soldiers' actual capabilities. We took blood samples from the four groups to see how the experience affected each group's stress hormones… The soldiers who never knew the actual length of the march were asked at the end to estimate its length. The levels of stress hormones in their blood corresponded to the length they thought it was, not the length it actually was.

An Army Special Forces sniper course at Fort Bragg, North Carolina.
And what's the best way to prepare? Make your training as close to the real thing as possible. Here's Mike:
In Army parlance they say, "train like you fight." Don't screw around and say, "Okay, when it's for real then we'll really ramp up." No, you need to do that now. You need to train as hard and as realistic as possible, because this notion that when it's for real and the stakes are high, that's when we'll really turn it on and rise to the occasion… that's not what happens. You will not rise to the occasion. You will sink to the lowest level of your training. It's the truth.
(For more on how Special Forces and other elites make themselves fearless, click here.)
So preparation is pretty straightforward. But Special Forces is also big on something you probably never expected to hear from a military unit…

2. Creativity Isn't Nice — It's Essential

When we think about the military we think following orders, not creativity. But that changes when you're talking about Special Forces.
A small independent unit can't always rely on a division of tanks backing them up. They'll have many problems they need to solve quickly, in the field, with little or no support. So resourcefulness is vital.
Via "Chosen Soldier: The Making of a Special Forces Warrior:"
The Special Forces are looking for more than someone who is tough and smart and plays well with others. They are looking for adaptability and flexibility, men who can look at a given task and come up with any number of ways to solve it. Someone with good entrepreneurial skills is a good candidate for Special Forces, since the work of the Green Berets often involves calculated risk and creative thinking. If one solution to a problem fails, they have to immediately come up with another way to accomplish the mission.
The army calls this type of creativity "disciplined initiative." It's not wild and crazy risk-taking, but it definitely looks outside the conventional for how to solve difficult problems. Here's Mike:
…in SF, and now the Army at large, you hear constantly we need agile and adaptive leaders and thinkers, critical and creative thinkers. Special Operations has always valued it, and I think out of necessity, because with smaller units you've got to be creative and adaptive, because you don't always have all the resources at your disposal. What they want is a guy that can think on his feet and think somewhat unconstrained. To me, there's always this tension between the cowboy that does crazy stuff for the sake of doing crazy stuff and those that can exercise what in Army mission command they call "disciplined initiative." That means, "We want you to exercise initiative, but the discipline lies in keeping it within mission parameters to achieve the commander's intent."
But how does creativity allow Davids like small Special Forces units to overcome Goliaths like bigger groups of enemy soldiers? The key is what's called "relative superiority."
Objective superiority is more soldiers, more guns, more planes. Relative superiority is tactical, like using surprise or timing or a well-planned ambush. This is why creativity is so critical to SF.
Via "Spec Ops: Case Studies in Special Operations Warfare: Theory and Practice:"
Relative superiority is a concept crucial to the theory of special operations. Simply stated, relative superiority is a condition that exists when an attacking force, generally smaller, gains a decisive advantage over a larger or well-defended enemy… An inherent weakness in special forces is their lack of firepower relative to a large conventional force. Consequently when they lose relative superiority, they lose the initiative, and the stronger form of warfare generally prevails. The key to a special operations mission is to gain relative superiority early in the engagement. The longer an engagement continues, the more likely the outcome will be affected by the will of the enemy, chance, and uncertainty, the factors that comprise the frictions of war.
(For more on the four principles that will lead you to breakthrough creativity, click here.)
So SF is not just gung-ho testosterone. And that means they know how to deal with people.

3. Cooperate and Negotiate

Author Dick Couch, who followed a class of Special Forces cadets through training put it bluntly: Special Forces needs to know how to shoot people and make friends with people.
That separates them from most of the other special operations groups like SEALs and Rangers who are more focused on "direct action" missions.


An Army Special Forces weapons sergeant briefs a Marine during a personnel exercise.
Via "Chosen Soldier: The Making of a Special Forces Warrior:"
Since the work often involves working as a team or in a cross-cultural environment, the Special Forces are looking for candidates who have good interpersonal skills— men who are open to listening and working with other people and foreign communities. More crudely put, it may come down to whether a man is more comfortable in shooting people or trying to make friends with them. Some soldiers are very proficient in a tactical situation and very comfortable behind the gun, but they don't really want to make the effort to communicate with someone different from themselves.
And this isn't the kind of negotiation that involves the barrel of a gun. SF needs to empathize just like FBI hostage negotiators. Plain and simple, they need to get along with people and cut a good deal. Here's Mike:
The negotiating comes in having humility. We want to cultivate a relationship, and do what's mutually beneficial. So we can't come in and say, "Okay, this is what you're going to do for me." The diplomacy lies in convincing these guys that a relationship is going to be mutually beneficial. That's one. Number two, we want to add value. We want to bring certain things to the table and find some common ground, because a lot of people are going to think, "You're just going to tell me what to do" or "I'm not going to be your pawn, I'm not going to be your patsy." We're sensitive to what it is that they want. And we'll help them get it, provided it's not something that runs counter to what it is the US government needs to achieve.
Collaboration and negotiation are so critical because SF works with and through others. And what are they doing most of the time with partners? Teaching.

4. Be A Teacher

Want to truly be the best? Want to be an expert? It's one thing to be able to do but it's another level to be able to do and teach it to others. That's when you really understand something.
A fundamental concept to all SF soldiers is that they are teachers. Here's Mike:
We'll tell guys up front, "Hey, your primary job is as a teacher, as an instructor." Our bread and butter mission is unconventional warfare. The Surgical Strike portion of our portfolio is important no doubt, but the Special Warfare part of that portfolio is what people need to understand. It implies that we're going to be working through proxies. That means I have to be able to teach. I need to be able to convey information. I need to be able to influence diplomatically, because these are partners. They're not subordinates where I say, "You do this." You've got to win them over. You've got to be able to convince them, so if you can't instruct, if you can't work through a proxy, through another party, and you've got to do everything unilaterally yourself, as an SF guy I don't want to say you're worthless, but you're not that valuable.


An Army Special Forces patrol in an Afghan village.
And your ability to teach well is always limited by how much you actually know. So Special Forces are always looking to improve themselves. Here's Mike:
To be a professional you have to be a lifelong learner. You're always getting better. You're always trying to get better. A buddy of mine was saying, "Good, better, best. Never let it rest until your good is better and your better is best."
How good do they need to be? A good example is the "pile test." To qualify as an 18 Bravo (a Special Forces weapons expert) they dump a huge pile of weapon parts in front of you. You have a limited amount of time to assemble them all into nine guns.
Via "Masters of Chaos: The Secret History of the Special Forces:"
As a weapons sergeant his job was to know everything about all the small arms and crew-served weapons in use around the world: Soviet-made systems, black-market weapons, customized weapons. He had to know how to use them, train on them, fix them, clean them, dismantle them, and disable them. Part of the final exam for his course was the "pile test," which required assembling a massive jumble of weapons parts into nine guns. Randy could do it in forty-five minutes.
This is a lot of stuff SF is working at. So how do they get it all done?

5. Be Motivated — And Then Make A Plan

Want to be in SF because it's "cool"?
You'll never make it. The guys who pass are the ones who have a deep-seated desire. The vetting is too punishing for anyone who isn't 100% committed. Here's Mike:
I saw so many guys showing up at Ranger School and SFAS on day one and you could tell they really weren't switched on. Then there were guys that were laughing and really really cavalier. A lot of times those guys didn't make it, because they really weren't serious about being there. The only thing that's going to sustain you then is not, "I thought it would be cool" or "I want all my friends to be impressed" or whatever lame reason you have for putting yourself through that. The thing that's going to keep you motivated is when you really internally want it, when you have that desire.
Of course, whenever someone talks about motivation they always say, "you have to want it." But what's that really mean to SF?
For them, motivation needs to translate into a plan for readiness. It's not all talk. If your motivation doesn't turn into a blueprint for how to handle things then it's just cheerleading.
What conditioning will you need to pass SF training? The guys who make it are motivated to find out ahead of time. Then they do diagnostic runs to see where they're at and what it will take for them to get there.
The motivation becomes a plan. Here's Mike:
Develop that plan and break it down into steps, so, using the SFAS model as an example, you can say, "Okay, I've got to do 12 miles with 70 pounds. Okay, great, I'm going to do it," and then you realize, "Oh my God, I can't do this." So you need to break it down and build. Start out, doing a six-miler with 35 pounds. Then when your conditioning goes up, extend the mileage, increase the weight, and then at the end of a six-month process or so you should be at that goal.
Let's round this up and learn the last critical factor for overcoming adversity like Special Forces.

Sum Up

Here's what we can learn from Special Forces Officer Mike Kenny:
  1. Prepare, Prepare, Prepare
  2. Creativity Isn't Just Nice — It's Essential
  3. Cooperate and Negotiate
  4. Be A Teacher
  5. Be Motivated — And Then Make A Plan
A lot of this sounds very serious. But in the preparation for every post about the various special operations units I've talked to, one thing comes up again and again that isn't so serious: the power of humor.
Ranger Joe Asher said it:
I said, "You know what? If I can laugh once a day, every day I'm in Ranger School, I'll make it through."
Navy SEAL James Waters said it:
You've got to have fun and be able to laugh; laugh at yourself and laugh at what you're doing. My best friend and I laughed our way through BUD/S.
The formal research backs them up. And in researching Special Forces, sure enough, I heard it again.
Via "Chosen Soldier: The Making of a Special Forces Warrior:"
This training is serious business, and it will demand your best effort to be successful, but every day, try to smile at least once. A little humor will help you to get through this, and it might even help some when it starts to hurt.
Work hard. Be diligent. But make sure to laugh along the way.

http://www.businessinsider.com/secrets-to-overcoming-adversity-2015-3