Success In Abundance: happier life

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These Short-Term Stress Busters Are Harmful

You may want to lead a richer and happier life but if you do not stick to the basic and cardinal principle of maintaining your health, you will not be able to move even an inch from the spot at which you stand now. Let us elaborate.

There is this talk of stress everywhere. It is true that stress is taking a toll on the health of number of people. You may also face stressful situations in your life. But if you go for an ice cream or a packet of chips after a stressful day at your workplace, you can pretty well assume that you are inviting trouble for yourself. Remember that these items will just appear to remove your stress but it is only a short-term benefit. On the contrary, this kind of "emotional eating" will lead to over-weight, obesity and other related ailments. In other words, you are resorting to what psychologists call as "counterproductive coping."

Instead of this approach, you can choose from some of the healthy options available to you so you can avoid emotional eating. Let us have a look.

1. Many people are in the habit of standing and eating their meals. In fact, the so-called "buffet" system seems to encourage standing and eating, though people can sit and eat also in this system. The fact remains that standing and eating come with certain inherent issues. A study says that those who stand and eat do not take time to enjoy their meal. Eating patiently and enjoying the meal are vital for deriving the health benefits you want to have from your meals.

2. Never, never skip meals because apart from increasing your stress, it may force you to over-eat during the next meal. You may tend to go for junk food also.

3. Drinking plenty of water every day is a step you should never ignore. If you drink water 30 minutes before your meal, your food intake will come down. This means your calorie consumption will come down. Water is free from calories. It is caffeine-free as well.

4. Maintain a journal for recording your moods and the foods you eat for at least for 2 to 3 weeks. You must especially record the various types of moods that force you to go for food items such as ice creams, chips, etc. This journal will help you in guarding against this harmful behavior.

5. Never skip your exercises. Though fitness experts say that it is enough if you do intense work-outs for 3 or 4 days a week, it is better you exercise daily. Apart from bringing down your stress level, it will reduce your weight as well as waistline also.

https://ezinearticles.com/?These-Short-Term-Stress-Busters-Are-Harmful&id=9685728

Fight Stress With Positive Thinking

In his famous book first published in the 1950s, Norman Vincent Peale shows us that "The Power of Positive Thinking" leads to a productive and happier life. He teaches us how to overcome obstacles and to replace negative thoughts with positive solutions. Even he could not have anticipated the full power of the idea. Sixty years later, we now know that positive thinking also leads to healthier life.

Our bodies produce different hormones depending on our emotional state. For example, when we are happy and at ease, our bodies release serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin. When we are stressed, anxious or angry, our bodies release cortisol. It is easy to see how a sustained attitude in one direction or the other will result in a very different chemical balance in our bodies.

Even if you start the day on an even keel, you trip over the dog on the way out the door and spill coffee on your shoes. This sets you up for a more stressful drive made more challenging by people who insist on cutting into your lane or preventing you from merging into theirs. When you arrive at work, you find the packages you thought you shipped out the previous evening are still lying on the table where you left them. At exactly 8:30 AM, an irate customer bangs on the door and curses at your for twenty minutes for shipping a damaged product. At this point, your cortisol levels have spiked, and they're set to stay that way for the rest of the day.

Sustained high cortisol levels can result in a compromised immune system and heart disease among other things. The body will often react to the chemical imbalance by revealing unexplained pains, such as lower back pain, or shoulder pain. When you're stressed and full of negative emotions and thoughts, you also take on symptoms of other people even if there is no underlying cause. You hear someone complaining about a fever or indigestion or lower back pain and suddenly you have it. These pains can serve as reminders to jolt us into an attitude adjustment.

The same idea applies to people who believe they are susceptible to illnesses. If you believe you get the flu or other virus making the rounds, you most probably will. Worrying about these things keeps your body chemistry imbalanced and with the weakened immune system, you are more likely to suffer an attack. The connection between our thoughts and our bodies is real and we experience the result of that thinking.

You have more control over the state of your body's chemistry that you may realize. You choose how you respond to each unexpected and undesired event. Think a little before reacting. In the grand scheme of things, the coffee spilled on your shoes, or the ill-mannered drivers on the freeway are just not that important. They are certainly not worth wasting your health on, and they are regular, routine events that occur every day. Count to ten slowly, take a deep breath and let it go.

Look at it in the big picture and stay calm. You'll arrive at work relaxed and ready to go and reserve the emotional reaction for when the important things happen. Choose a positive attitude, don't let the little things get under your skin and you're more likely to lead a healthier and longer life.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Fight-Stress-With-Positive-Thinking&id=9586146

Why Seeking a Professional Therapist and Journaling Is STRONGLY Advised?

Because They Will Hold, Respect And Protect Your Confidence!

Honestly, that is the entire article, but I will expand on that one sentence. Not everything that you have to say is for the ears of others. When you confide in others there is no guarantee that they will keep your confidence. Your pain, your experiences, your emotional, mental and physical health is something that should be handled by qualified people. Not everyone has the tools to help you with what you are going through. Since abuse of any kind is a platform that I'm very close to, it is something that I always refer to. Speaking about abuse is not a regular conversation. It has a completely different weight than say a conversation about that night you went to the club and you hooked up with that hot guy who bought you drinks. The things you say about someone who caused you pain, the anger you have from what you have suffered is not something for their ears until you have worked through what you are going through and then you can decide how best to have that discussion with them if at all.

When we share our pain with anyone other than a Professional Therapist, there are no guarantees that your confidence will be kept. Maybe that person doesn't understand why you are talking about it. How you handle your anger in the privacy of your home is not something that should be shared with the public unless you are using it to help others vent their anger. Do not allow fear to keep you from healing. Do not sit and suffer in silence. Talk about what you are going through, talk about how things have affected you. Don't be ashamed. Talking out your pain helps, however, you need to talk to qualified individuals. Only you can know if you need a Life Coach or a Therapist and in the event that you don't know, a Life Coach should be able to assess if they can serve you and if not they should be recommend if Therapy would be a better avenue. Adding Alternative Therapy such as dancing, painting, exercising and other forms of creativity to your Therapy regiment can also do wonders for your healing process.

If your confidence and trust has been violated, it may cause you to stop trusting people which will then prevent you from reaching out to qualified people who can really help you. Don't think that everyone is the same. A Therapist is bound by ethics to keep the confidence of their Clients, unless they feel that that Client is a danger to themselves or others. Outside of that you can vent out all your anger, your pain, your frustrations, your fears with your Therapist. He/She will provide a space that is understanding, kind, respectful and non-judgmental and they will help you to start creating a vision for a better and happier life so you can start living a passionate life. You won't have to worry about the Therapist going back to others to discuss you unless it is with other Doctors and even then, they may still need to obtain your permission and/or have you sign a waiver.

If you are not strong enough or not ready to seek out a Professional Therapist then I would suggest Journal writing. Write out your feelings, your anger and your toxic emotions in your Journal. That is a Journal that should not be shared with anyone except your Therapist and only if you are guided to do so. Your Journal is where you can totally vent out every nasty thing in your mind, every bit of toxic emotions that you have been holding in. Once again I will stress, YOUR PRIVATE JOURNAL IS FOR YOUR EYES ONLY! Why should you also not give your Journal to others to read? That is because they may not understand what you are going through, they may take offence to what you said or they may ridicule you for sharing your emotions.

Your Journal is for all the things that you have suppressed, the pain and anguish you have suffered as a result of external or internal events in your life and most importantly, your Journal won't judge you. You can get as nasty as you want in order to dig up all that stuck on anger out of you. You can vent out all the betrayal, all the expectations that were placed on your shoulders in your childhood, all the pain that you have endured as a result. Anger breaks apart depression. Anger will help you to stop being a doormat. Yes, anger is cleansing. However, if you feel that you are being overwhelmed by the anger, I would strongly suggest and recommend going to see a Therapist who can help you channel that anger more effectively.

Venting in your Journal or in your home are two ways of handling your anger towards someone or something that happened to you before you face that person again. You do not want to take out that amount of anger on that person face to face. That is why you should first sufficiently vent out the deep, vitriol anger in private and then you can face the person you are angry with. You may still have anger, but not the deep, vicious anger you had before. And if you realize that your anger towards that person is not subsiding then you need to remove yourself from that person so that you can deal with your anger in private on your own. You don't want to still be around anyone or any situation that is causing you to be angry. You will never heal and you will keep damaging yourself if you stay. Remove yourself from that situation and take the time to heal your life. And yes, venting out your anger is part of you healing your life. And this is where seeking a Professional Therapist comes in. He/She will honour your anger, they will understand it and they will never negate that anger. Not to mention, your sessions with either a Life Coach or a Therapist is private and confidential.

All in all, at the end of the day, your healing is what is most important. If someone heard what you said about them in private, they may think that you are being a hypocrite by talking to them and acting as if you did not say anything about them. The truth is your anger, your healing and your life is more important and you should not put aside or shut down your pain so that others won't feel offended. You may be able to apologize to the person and help them understand that it was your feelings that you were honouring in private. However, it may not go that way. It may cause you pain that you may need to release that person because they had meant so much to you, however, it is now necessary to release that relationship with love. If they need to be in your life at a later point then both of you will be able to honour the past with love and understanding while moving forward in the present.

Some relationships may never mend. Understand that it served its purpose, lessons were learned and healing was fostered by that relationship and now you can move forward in your Journey. Release that relationship with love and your blessings and abundance will be even more bountiful. Never hold on to what was not meant to be in your life forever. You block your blessings and abundance that way. Lovingly release everything that is moving away from you for the purpose has been served.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Seeking-a-Professional-Therapist-and-Journaling-Is-STRONGLY-Advised?&id=8248031

Don't Take Anything Personally: Three Suggestions

There's no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.

When I ask workshop participants and coaching clients what they're hoping to gain from our work together and we begin to write down goals, they often say they want to learn how not to take the conflict personally. It's a very common theme.

I look at this a lot, because I want that, too. In Don Miguel Ruiz's insightful book, The Four Agreements, one of the agreements he suggests we make with ourselves to have a happier life is just this:"Don't Take Anything Personally."

Benjamin Zander, author, motivational speaker, and conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, often quotes his father as saying, "There is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing."

I live in New Hampshire where winter can make each day a challenge. And, especially when I have to travel in snow and ice,I can even take the weather personally!

So how to we actually do it--not take things personally?

Personally, here's what I do.

1) I reframe

I reframe it as not personal. Even when it seems to be, even when it hurts, I remember it isn't about me. People do what they do because of who they are, not because of who you are. For example, when I imagine other ways the person might have behaved, I understand they chose this particular option because of their background, worldview, or perception of me, which may or may not be accurate.

2) I stop assuming

I stop assuming I know anything about them. Assuming I know someone else's motives is a kind of judgment of them, and I've found that assumptions and judgments of others' motives is a trap--for them and for me. So I try to stay proactive with my inner and outer responses. And if their motives are disingenuous or malicious, I find out more quickly and can take steps to keep myself out of harm's way. I might choose to avoid them or engage them in dialogue about the impact of their actions.

3) I stay curious

I stay curious about myself and the situation. I notice the assumptions I'm making and the reactions I'm about to have. Maybe my assumptions are accurate, and maybe they aren't. What appears as anger directed at me may be general frustration at an unexpected outcome.When my family member says, "You never listen to me," I can choose to hear it as a criticism or a call for support. I respond differently depending on how I choose.

On the wall in the waiting room of my health care provider hangs a sentence written by Plato over two centuries ago: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." As you move into the new year, resolve to notice when you're making it personal, and see if it's more purposeful to make a different choice. We invent life moment to moment. Invent it with clarity of intention.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Dont-Take-Anything-Personally:-Three-Suggestions&id=9916529

Why You Must Challenge Yourself To Get Into Flow

Getting into the flow is one of the most powerful ways of achieving your big audacious goals. It's the secret key to high performance and it'll open doors for you to create a more satisfying, fulfilling and happier life.

It doesn't matter whether you are a world-class athlete, a corporate CEO of a billion dollar company, a passionate college professor, a martial arts trainer or a quiet introverted chess player, you can always use the flow state to enhance your performance and achieve what you want.

It's also a mental state that will enhance your health and well-being by reducing stress and boosting your immune system. It's an amazing psychological (and somehow mystical) phenomenon you don't want to miss out.

The question is, what do you actually need in order to get into the zone?

Well, you need a challenge.

Yes, things that are too easy won't get you into flow. Nor will extreme difficulty will get you there.

Part of your goal of getting into flow state is to first design an optimal challenge for yourself. You need to plan out goals that are worthwhile to pursue (for yourself), ambitiously achievable and with a nice challenge throughout the process so you need to exert an effort to work for it.

Answering primary school mathematics questions won't get you into flow.

Solving Einstein-level of astrophysical equations won't get you into flow.

To attain flow state and enjoy its immense benefits, you must strike a balance between the challenge at hand and your current skills level.

If there is too little challenge, then boredom will set in and your motivation to participate and complete the task will lessen. On the other hand, too much challenge will result in self-doubt, anxiety and stress creeping in. Negative emotions will block flow which is a positive process and state of being.

So by setting yourself a challenging yet achievable task, you will feel a stronger desire and greater motivation to enter into the process.

Also, tasks must stimulate your interest, curiosity and enjoyment.

Tasks that are uninteresting, boring or monotonous will increase the likelihood of negative emotions blocking your ability to enter the flow state.

The flow state is one of total immersion and absorption in the process, where you take massive immersive actions without any thoughts of yourself or time. By providing enough challenge to engage your curiosity and interest, you'll find a boost in your productivity and you will look have a unique insight about the tasks you've set yourself to tackle.

Immersing yourself in the process without thinking about the end result is a key aspect of being in the flow. This is why sports people, artists, actors and writers use the flow state to improve their performance and achieve new career heights.

If you truly want to achieve peak performance and create a more satisfying life, isn't it a great time to set yourself a challenge?

http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-You-Must-Challenge-Yourself-To-Get-Into-Flow&id=9537829

11 Ways to Live a Happier Life, According to a Psychologist (Hint: These have nothing to do with money!)

Happiness is something that we all strive for, yet many of us find it challenging to grasp and even harder to maintain. Especially during these difficult economic times, happiness can feel like it is hiding just behind next week’s paycheck, a new job, or a distant raise. However, as Dr. Robert Putnam of Harvard University recently pointed out, “money alone can buy you happiness, but not much.”(1) It appears that happiness has less to do with money than we might imagine, and more to do with the people around us, how we live our lives, the way we spend our time, and how we perceive ourselves and understand our life experiences.

Based on the latest research in psychology and my experience as both a psychologist trying to understand happiness, and as a human being searching for my own happiness, here are 11 ways to live a happier life…that have nothing to do with money!

1) Practice Gratitude

No matter where they are or what they are doing, happy people recognize that they always have something to be grateful for. Research in the field of Positive Psychology has shown that people who practice gratitude are happier, less stressed and less depressed!(2) Happy people can easily find gratitude in the world around them, whether they are looking at the cracks in the pavement in the concrete jungle or the sun setting over the ocean. It is possible to find gratitude even in smallest of things, like a delicious meal, a good book, a challenging yoga class, or a smile from a stranger on the street.

Each of us has a choice on how we focus our attention. Choosing to focus on gratitude for the beauty and uniqueness of life instead the stressors and problems will make you feel happier and more relaxed.

2) Find a place of Flow

In Positive Psychology, the concept of “Flow” is defined as the “complete immersion in activity for it’s own sake.”(3) When we are in flow, such as when we are running a race, writing a song, or reading a great book, our self-awareness dissipates, time seems to stop, and we become focused, peaceful, and attentive to the task at hand. People who frequently experience flow tend to be happy, productive, creative and focused.

You can reach a state of flow by putting special attention to tasks that you find intrinsically rewarding and enjoyable. In other words, carve out some time to do what you LOVE! For more information about how to find your flow, explore Dr. Mikhal Csíkszentmihályi’s book, Finding Flow.(4)

3) Smile More

If you are feeling down or having a rough day, it is possible to cheer yourself up by simply thinking of a person, place or situation that makes you smile! Indeed, research in psychology has shown that the physical act of smiling will make you feel happier, even if you are just flexing the muscles of your mouth and not intentionally smiling!(5)

While scientists are not yet completely certain why the simple of act of smiling makes you feel happy, it has been suggested that smiling contracts the facial muscles, leading to more blood flow to the brain’s frontal lobes, which in turn triggers release of dopamine, one of the pleasure chemicals in the brain.(6) So bust out the comedies and get your giggle on (or maybe let someone tickle you a little bit)!

4) Embrace Your Mistakes

We are all perfectly imperfect in this human form, and it is only natural that we make mistakes (sometimes very often!) Living in denial about your mistakes or getting wrapped up in your ego will only you make you miserable and block you from learning valuable lessons that will help you grow and improve.

By embracing your mistakes, you will be able to forgive yourself, and the bonus is that other people might actually like you more! According to Dr. Eliot Aronson’s “Pratfall effect” in Social Psychology, making mistakes makes competent people seem more attractive, and more human to others.(7) Happy people seem to intuitively know this, embracing mistakes as learning experiences and not judging themselves too harshly.

5) Maintain an Optimistic Attitude

Happy people tend to respond to negative events in a more optimistic manner than unhappy people. Positive psychologist Dr. Martin Seligman defines optimism as “reacting to problems with confidence and high personal ability,” specifically, recognizing that negative events are temporary and limited in scope.(2) Research has linked optimism with a plethora of positive outcomes including longevity, recovery from illness, overall physical health, enhanced coping skills and problem solving in difficult situations.

Overall, optimism is a central component of staying happy and healthy, so when in doubt, look on the bright side.

6) Surround yourself with Supportive People

Even though this life can sometimes feel like an individual journey, we need other people around us in order to feel happy. In fact, recent research has indicated that social relationships are the strongest predictors of happiness, much stronger than income or wealth.(1) For example, according to Robert Putnam’s groundbreaking study, making a good friend causes an increase of happiness equal to tripling ones salary, belonging to a social club is equivalent to doubling one’s salary, and so on.

The take home message here is that social support is a huge indicator of happiness and wellbeing. People with perceived positive social relationships even live longer!8 So be social, surround yourself with people who make you feel good, and release those who make you feel bad.

7) Learn when to say “No”

As psychologist Dr. Thema Davis so beautifully puts it, “saying yes to happiness means learning to say no to things and people that stress you out.”(9) Happy people know that they must say NO to people, ideas, and behaviors that do not serve their highest good. Saying yes to everyone and everything can lead you to feel overwhelmed, increase your stress, and leave you less time and resources to take care of yourself! This is especially true when you agree to do things that do not resonate with you, or allow yourself to be pressured into situations you are uncomfortable with.

The stress that results from feeling overwhelmed can severely dampen one’s happiness and wellbeing. Before you commit to anything or anyone, ask yourself, does this serve my highest good? If the answers is no, then learn to say NO.

8) Unplug & Spend More time in Nature

Although it may feel natural after a lifetime of conditioning, human beings were not designed to spend our day hunched over a desk with electronics plugged into our ears and eyes. No, we are meant to be spending time outside, away from the buzz of technology, the radiation from cell-phones and the blaring of screens. Happy people understand that it is their human birthright to give themselves quiet time to reflect and find serenity. According to the July 2010 Harvard Health Letter, time outdoors in nature has been linked to happiness because light elevates people’s moods, as does vitamin D, a byproduct of spending time outside.(10)

If you really want to maximize the benefits of outdoor time, spend time in green nature – even five minutes of “green exercise” can lead to improvements in mood and self-esteem, according to researchers at the University of Essex.(10) Even better, combine your outside time with meditation, yoga, or other therapeutic movement arts. There is a plethora of research demonstrating that all of these will further enhance your mood and overall wellbeing.

9) Practice Forgiveness

This one can be challenging for the many of us who have been wronged and/or who have experienced traumas perpetrated by other people in our lives. But as my life partner, sound healer Jimmy Ohm always says, “forgiveness does not mean that what happened was ok, it just means you no longer want to carry the pain.”(11) When we hold on to anger, resentment and fear towards people, they are actually occupying a space inside of us, blocking us from feeling truly happy and fulfilled.

Dr. Fred Luskin of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project has found that forgiveness is a huge predictor of happiness and wellbeing, explaining how “forgiveness is the experience of peacefulness in the present moment.”(12) For more on his research, visit his website, Forgive For Good.(13)

10) Try New Things

Happy people are not afraid to push their boundaries and try new things. Research by psychologist Dr. Rich Walker has shown that people who engage in a variety of experiences are more likely to retain positive emotions than people who have fewer experiences.(14) Sure it might seem scary at first, but what’s the worst that could happen? By going beyond your comfort zone, you might actually surprise yourself and exceed your own expectations for what you are capable of accomplishing. And hey if it doesn’t go as planned, at least you still tried, didn’t you?

As Dr. Alex Lickerman M.D. writes in Happiness in this World, trying something new requires courage, it opens up the possibility for you to enjoy something new, it keeps you from becoming bored, and perhaps most importantly, it forces you to grow.(15) So what have you always wanted to try but you didn’t think you had the guts? What are you waiting for?

11) Look in the mirror every morning and say “I Love you!”

For many of us, self-love is the greatest challenge and blockage to happiness. Years of being told by family, educators and especially the media that we are not good enough, not successful enough, not attractive enough, not capable enough and so on has left many of us feeling beaten down and unworthy. The truth is that no matter who you are and what has happened in your life, YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE! Say it out loud to yourself until you believe it.

Psychologists have long known that self-esteem is intrinsically connected to happiness, but how does one build self-esteem? I believe we build self-esteem through practicing self-love and self-acceptance. One of the simplest things you can do is to look in the mirror every morning and say, “I love you!” For some, this may come easy, and for others, it may be extremely challenging. I know that at first I tried and tried to do this and I would break down in tears because I felt so unworthy. Eventually through practicing daily mantras of self-love and self-acceptance, I was able to learn to love myself. And while the path to unconditional self-love is a life-long journey and not a destination, today I feel happier than I have ever felt. ☺ I hope that these happiness tips will help guide you on your journey as much as they have helped me on mine. Namaste.

Author’s Note: This is by no means an exhaustive list of ways to live a happier life, and I would love to hear from The Mind Unleashed community about other ways that they have found to live and breathe happiness! Please comment or email me at DrKellyNeff@Gmail.com. Blessings and Love!

References:

1. Miller, J. (July 23rd, 2013). Putnam: Strongest Predictors of Happiness are Social Relationships. The Chatauquan Daily. Retrieved July 9th, 2014 from: http://chqdaily.com/2013/07/23/putnam-strongest-predictors-of-happiness-are-social-relationships/

2. The Pursuit of Happiness. Mindfulness and Positive Thinking: Optimism and Gratitude. Retrieved July 10th, 2014 from:http://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/science-of-happiness/positive-thinking/

3. Cherry, K. (Date Unknown). What is flow? Understanding the Psychology of Flow. About.Com Psychology. Retrived July 10th, 2014 from: http://psychology.about.com/od/PositivePsychology/a/flow.htm

4. Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1997) Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engagement with Everyday Life. Basic Books, New York.

5. Korb, A. (July 31st, 2012). Smile: A Powerful Tool. Psychology Today. Retrieved July 11th, 2014 from: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prefrontal-nudity/201207/smile-powerful-tool

6. Wenk, G. (December 27th, 2011). Addicted to Smiling: Can the Simple Act of Smiling Bring Pleasure? Psychology Today. Retrieved July 10th, 2014 from: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-brain-food/201112/addicted-smiling

7. Manage Train Learn. Likeability: The Pratfall Effect. Retrieved July 11th, 2014 from: http://www.managetrainlearn.com/page/the-pratfall-effect

8. Public Relations Bureau (June, 2009). Social Support, Networks and Happiness. Retrieved July 11th, 2014 from:http://www.prb.org/Publications/Reports/2009/socialnetworks.aspx

9. Dr. Thema Bryant-Davis. http://www.DrThema.Com.

10. Harvard University Health Letter. (July 2010). A Prescription for Better Health: Go Alfresco. Retrieved July 10th, 2014 from: http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletters/Harvard_Health_Letter/2010/July/a-prescription-for-better-health-go-alfresco?utm_source=mental&utm_medium=pressrelease&utm_campaign=health0710

11. Jimmy Ohm MccLain. https://www.facebook.com/jameslmcclain

12. Taran, R. (March 7th, 2012). Forgiveness: Making Space for More Happiness. Huffington Post Healthy Living. Retrieved July 12th, 2014, from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/randy-taran/learning-to-forgive_b_1322686.html.

13. Forgive for Good. Http://www.LearningToForgive.com

14. Time Magazine. Health and Happiness: Try New Things. Retrieved July 12th, 2014 from: http://content.time.com/time/specials/2007/article/0,28804,1631176_1630611_1630586,00.html

15. Lickerman, A. (April 1st, 2010). Happiness in this world: Trying new things. Psychology Today, retrieved July 12th, 2014 from: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/201004/trying-new-things

http://themindunleashed.org/2014/07/11-ways-live-happier-life-according-psychologist-hint-nothing-money.html

The Psychology of Happiness: 13 Steps to a Happier Life

We think we know what will make us happy, but we don’t. Many of us believe that money will make us happy, but it won’t. Except for the very poor, money cannot buy happiness. Instead of dreaming of vast wealth, we should dream of close friends and healthy bodies and meaningful work.

The psychology of happiness

Several years ago, James Montier, a “global equity strategist”, took a break from investing in order to publish a brief overview of existing research into the psychology of happiness [PDF]. Montier learned that happiness comprises three components:

About 50% of individual happiness comes from a genetic set point. That is, we’re each predisposed to a certain level of happiness. Some of us are just naturally more inclined to be cheery than others.
About 10% of our happiness is due to our circumstances. Our age, race, gender, personal history, and, yes, wealth, only make up about one-tenth of our happiness.
The remaining 40% of an individual’s happiness seems to be derived from intentional activity, from “discrete actions or practices that people can choose to do”.

If we have no control over our genetic “happy point”, and if we have little control over our circumstances, then it makes sense to focus on those things that we can do to make ourselves happy. According to Montier’s paper, these activities include sex, exercise, sleep, and close relationships.

What does not bring happiness? Money, and the pursuit of happiness for its own sake. “A vast array of individuals seriously over-rate the importance of money in making themselves, and others, happy,” Montier writes. “Study after study from psychology shows that money doesn’t equal happiness.”

The happiness paradox

Writing in The Washington Post last June, Shankar Vedantam described recent research into this subject. If the United States is generally wealthier than it was thirty or forty years ago, then why aren’t people happier? Economist Richard Easterlin of the University of Southern California believes that part of the problem is the hedonic treadmill: once we reach a certain level of wealth, we want more. We’re never satisfied. From Vedantam’s article:

Easterlin attributes the phenomenon of happiness levels not keeping pace with economic gains to the fact that people’s desires and expectations change along with their material fortunes. Where an American in 1970 may have once dreamed about owning a house, he or she might now dream of owning two. Where people once dreamed of buying a new car, they now dream of buying a luxury model.

“People are wedded to the idea that more money will bring them more happiness,” Easterlin said. “When they think of the effects of more money, they are failing to factor in the fact that when they get more money they are going to want even more money. When they get more money, they are going to want a bigger house. They never have enough money, but what they do is sacrifice their family life and health to get more money.”

The irony is that health and the quality of personal relationships are among the most potent predictors of whether people report they are happy — and they are often the two things people sacrifice in their pursuit of greater wealth.

Why aren’t rich people happier? Perhaps it’s because many of them are workaholics, because they’re more focused on money than on the things that would bring them joy. A brief companion piece to The Washington Post story notes that researchers have found that “being wealthy is often a powerful predictor that people spend less time doing pleasurable things, and more time doing compulsory things and feeling stressed.”

In general, rich people aren’t much happier than those of us in the middle class. Yes, money can buy happiness if it elevates you from poverty, but beyond that the benefits are minimal. So why do so many people believe that money will make things better?

Stumbling on happiness
In 2006, Harvard psychology professor Daniel Gilbert published Stumbling on Happiness, a book about our inability to predict what will really make us happy.

Gilbert says that because humans can plan for the future, we naturally want to structure our lives in such a way that we are happy, both now and later. But how do we know what will make us happy? We don’t. In fact, we’re surprisingly bad at predicting what will bring us joy. Gilbert asks:

Which future would you prefer? One in which you win the lottery? Or one in which you become paraplegic? Which would make you happier? […] A year after losing their legs, and a year after winning the lotto, lottery winners and paraplegics are equally happy with their lives.

The problem is impact bias, the tendency to overestimate the “hedonic impact” of future events. Put another way, the things that we think will make us happy usually don’t make us as happy as we think they will. Winning the lottery isn’t a panacea. Having an affair with your hot new co-worker won’t be as thrilling as you imagine. And losing a leg isn’t the end of the world.

It turns out that humans are able to synthesize happiness. Many people look outside themselves for fulfillment; they expect to find it in things, or in relationships, or in large bank accounts. But true happiness comes from within. True happiness comes when we learn to be content with what we have.

13 steps to a better life
What does all this mean to you? If money won’t bring you happiness, what will? How can you stop making yourself miserable and start learning to love life? According to my research, these are the thirteen actions most likely to encourage happiness:

Don’t compare yourself to others. Financially, physically, and socially, comparing yourself to others is a trap. You will always have friends who have more money than you do, who can run faster than you can, who are more successful in their careers. Focus on your own life, on your own goals.
Foster close relationships. People with five or more close friends are more apt to describe themselves as happy than those with fewer.
Have sex. Sex, especially with someone you love, is consistently ranked as a top source of happiness. A long-term loving partnership goes hand-in-hand with this.
Get regular exercise. There’s a strong tie between physical health and happiness. Anyone who has experienced a prolonged injury or illness knows just how emotionally devastating it can be. Eat right, exercise, and take care of our body.
Obtain adequate sleep. Good sleep is an essential component of good health. When you’re not well-rested, your body and your mind do not operate at peak capacity. Your mood suffers.
Set and pursue goals. I believe that the road to wealth is paved with goals. More than that, the road to happiness is paved with goals. Continued self-improvement makes life more fulfilling.
Find meaningful work. There are some who argue a job is just a job. I believe that fulfilling work is more than that — it’s a vocation. It can take decades to find the work you were meant to do. But when you find it, it can bring added meaning to your life.
Join a group. Those who are members of a group, like a church congregation, experience greater happiness. But the group doesn’t have to be religious. Join a book group. Meet others for a Saturday morning bike ride. Sit in at the knitting circle down at the yarn shop.
Don’t dwell on the past. I know a guy who beats himself up over mistakes he’s made before. Rather than concentrate on the present (or, better yet, on the future), he lets the past eat away at his happiness. Focus on the now.
Embrace routine. Research shows that although we believe we want variety and choice, we’re actually happier with limited options. It’s not that we want no choice at all, just that we don’t want to be overwhelmed. Routines help limit choices. They’re comfortable and familiar and, used judiciously, they can make us happy.
Practice moderation. Too much of a good thing is a bad thing. It’s okay to indulge yourself on occasion — just don’t let it get out of control. Addictions and compulsions can ruin lives.
Be grateful. It’s no accident that so many self-help books encourage readers to practice gratitude. When we regularly take time to be thankful for the things we have, we appreciate them more. We’re less likely to take them for granted, and less likely to become jealous of others.
Help others. Over and over again, studies have shown that altruism is one of the best ways to boost your happiness. Sure, volunteering at the local homeless shelter helps, but so too does just being nice in daily life.

Remember: True wealth is not about money. True wealth is about relationships, about good health, and about continued self-improvement.

http://buzzfed.in/the-psychology-of-happiness-13-steps-to-a-happier-life

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