7 Keys to Learning How to Speak With Confidence in Public

How to speak with confidence? How many people have asked this question? How many people have become stressed over a public speaking engagement? Public speaking can be a nerve-rattling experience, but there are ways to develop the confidence to step on a stage or in front of several people.

Coaches Should Learn How to Speak in Public

You would think that all coaches would be good at public speaking. Their job requires them to not only listen to clients, but speak to them with confidence. However, speaking one-on-one and speaking to a room full of strangers is an entirely different experience.

But, coaches should learn the art of public speaking. This will allow them to give seminars and speak at conferences and public events - providing them with an additional way to earn income. Every coach should take some type of class about how to speak with confidence.

How to Speak With Confidence

If you think public speaking is about reading off a teleprompter or memorizing a few topics and regurgitating them to your audience, then you really don't know much about public speaking.

The way you speak matters as much as what you say.

If you don't sound like you should be listened to, your audience just might tune out. If you don't sound like you expect and deserve respect, you may not get any!

7 Keys to Speaking With Confidence

How to speak with confidence involves many different tricks of the trade. They are easy to learn and remember. How to speak publicly with confidence is about learning these skills and then practicing them.

1. Slow down. If you speak too quickly, your audience will miss what you say. You will also sound nervous. Sounding nervous may elicit some empathy, but it won't earn you any respect.

2. Don't go too slow. Slowing down is important, but going too slow will put your audience asleep. It is essential to find a workable balance. All lists on how to speak with confidence will talk about the importance of slowing down, but don't slow down too much or you will lose your audience to their smartphones!

3. Eliminate any filler words. Obviously you'll always have a few, but the audience will catch on if you use too many of them. Say what you came to say as clearly and as concisely as possible. If your speech is three minutes shorter than the allotted time, it's not a problem; in fact, it may be more powerful.

4. Breath when necessary. Don't try to finish a sentence or a paragraph without breathing if you need to take a breath. Obviously the audience knows you have to breath!

5. The power of the pause. Adding a deliberate pause is part of slowing down. Putting pauses in your sentences adds authority to what you are saying No list on how to speak with confidence would be complete with the pause!

6. A touch of emphasis. Speaking in a monotone will quickly put your audience into a coma. Adding emphasis to certain words breaks your words into section and keeps the audience interested. You could be telling them how to make a million dollars in the next month, and if you were speaking in a monotone, many of them would drift off.

7. The last tip of this list of how to speak with confidence is to practice in front of a mirror - don't feel embarrassed about it. It's one of the best ways to get comfortable speaking and to practice your topics. Practice may not make perfect, but it makes your public words deserving of respect.

http://ezinearticles.com/?7-Keys-to-Learning-How-to-Speak-With-Confidence-in-Public&id=9477281

Why You Shouldn't Speak When Angry and What to Do Instead

"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret"

Ambrose Bierce

When you are angry you feel a sea of anger rising within you and the easiest way to drain it is by lashing out at the source.

It's natural, it's psychological, but it's the trigger that makes the difference.

Why are you angry, for what reason? Are you angry because you saw a man hit an innocent dog on the road or are you angry because your mother said there were no more meatballs left?

Anger is your reaction to a trigger, and whether you choose to cuss out someone or pump iron at the gym is your way of dealing with it.

But anger-laced speech - especially that's impulsive and not thoroughly thought through - would wreak havoc on relationships, cost you professionally and maim your reputation.

But isn't imploding inside unhealthy for you? When that sea of anger is in turbulence within you, isn't it causing the maximum harm to the person himself?

No, we get to how you deal with anger without saying hurtful words later, here's why you shouldn't speak when angry.

Why you shouldn't speak when angry?

Emotions and not logic control your words - Saying something hurtful is a knee-jerk reaction to being angered. You might call your husband a 'vile selfish loser' but in reality you don't mean any of it.

Psychologically speaking, hurtful words are your way of hurting the person who has upset you. So you say things that'd hit home. Your entire speech is governed by negative emotions when you are angry and these emotions are mostly concentrated in your upper chest area (hence the tightening of the chest), shoulders and forearms (you feel your shoulders stiff up when you are angry), face (that's why you go red) and the amygdala part of the brain.

You might say something you'd regret - And that happens about every time. Whether it is those hurtful words or letting out information that you were not supposed to divulge, speaking when angry would invariably make you regret.

And you might not know all the facts - You might end up not only looking like a negative person but also an idiot for saying something that's not true or downright stupid. What's that thing they say? Improve your argument, don't raise your voice.

You reveal you are a weak person - It takes a lot of mental and emotional strength to not speak when angry. When every iota of your body is itching to react, when the amygdala is going mad for some reaction, you tone it down.

Keep calm and don't be provoked. That is true strength of character and will power, not lashing out.

How to deal with anger constructively?

Anger is your reaction to something. You need to find out if the reason for your anger is really a reason or is it just an excuse for you to blow some steam.

We live in a fast-paced life and we get stressed. A lot of times this stress comes out on people close to us and by the slightest of triggers.

The first step is to understand these triggers. Do you get angry when you have been hungry for too long? It's more common than you think, you should see the way men rage after hitting it at the gym.

And then become quite gentlemanly once they eat. Hunger and anger is associated, when your body demands nutrients and the brain is desperately sending signals to you to fill that demand, you are irritable and prone to react.

If your kid has suddenly developed an anger issue, it might be time to have a little talk. Is he getting bullied in school? Did he take something you said to heart and is dwelling on it?

There are valid reasons behind getting angry and once you understand these reasons and the emotions associated with them, you can work on it better.

Challenge the negative beliefs - Negative thoughts are to anger what fuel is to fire. So when you had a fight with your spouse and you want to think that 'yeah, it's not like she cares about me' challenge this thought by telling the brain 'no that's not right she does care about me and the family. She works hard for us and loves us'.

You undermine the negative beliefs by challenging them. And subsequently your anger dissipates too.

Talk about the issue, but not immediately - Keep yourself busy when you are angry. Go watch your favorite TV show or listen to good music and then later when you cool down, talk about the issue.

And it's not just when you are angry with someone but also when you are angry about something. Talking always help.

Meditate - Dealing with anger is all about controlling your emotions and the best way to control your emotions is to always be in control of them, at any given time. Meditation strengthens the brain's ability to deal with emotions and also changes negative emotions to positive.

You can also do the deep breathing exercise. Probably the most recommended anger management tip is to start breathing deeply. Also dissociation works, distance yourself from what's making you angry either physically or mentally.

Remember that you can make the maximum impact by saying words that are logical and correct instead of saying something that is vile and hurtful.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-You-Shouldnt-Speak-When-Angry-and-What-to-Do-Instead&id=9342918

How to Remember Names: 3 Sure-Fire Tips That Work

When I first began to speak for a living I found it difficult to remember the names of the people who hired me or those I met during refreshment break or during the chit chat session at the end of my presentation. I knew I had to do something to improve my memory. How could I continue to speak on relationships and communication and not recall the names of the people I was relating to and communicating with?

After much research, study, and practice my memory improved to the point where now people frequently ask how I am able to remember the names of so many people. Here are my secrets. Practice them and in no time you too will be able to impress others with your remarkable memory.

The most important memory technique is DESIRE. You've got to really want to remember a person's name. Most forgetting is not the result of a poor memory, but rather the result of a lack of desire or intention to remember in the first place. You have only ten seconds to lock a name into your memory. If you don't lock it in within ten seconds it is gone.

Memory Techniques

* Pay attention and listen carefully. Listen carefully when someone gives you their name. Pay strict attention. If the name is unusual ask the person to spell it. Pay attention to the spelling. Use the name frequently in the conversation.

* Repetition

Repeat the name mentally five or six times after it has been given to you. This alone is often enough to lock the name into your memory bank. I have found that if I have quite a few names to recall this strategy doesn't work as effectively. For one or two names it works well.

* Association and Exaggeration

When a name is given, associate it with a mental image. The image you come up with should be off the wall. Research has found that the most bizarre images are the ones most easily remembered. Exaggerate the size, shape and action of the associated image. This too promotes memory retention.

Examples of these techniques in action

Name to Remember: Annie Davis

Think of a woman's fanny and an Avis rent a car. Now picture the fanny getting into the car with a huge Avis sign on the door.

Bill Dewar

Imagine a man covered with dollar bills digging for dew worms.

Connie Adams

Think of a woman in a striped prison uniform (CON) with a newspaper on her knee reading the help wanted ads. con + knee + ads This should be enough to give you the name when brought to mind.

As silly as these might seem, they do work. To practice this exercise go to the phone book and select names at random and try to apply this technique to the names selected. The more you practice the easier the process becomes. Pretty soon you will be able to recall names using this techniques without thinking much about it.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Remember-Names:-3-Sure-Fire-Tips-That-Work&id=8948369

How to Start Conversations That Make Instant Connections

For entrepreneurs, knowing how to communicate clearly and effectively is critical in leading a company -- and selling your business ideas. But the words you speak and hear are only a small part of getting your message across to your employees, customers and investors. It is the way you speak and listen that makes all the difference in the world.

Consider these 12 steps for starting conversations that click and, ultimately, lead to more productive relationships:

Step 1: Relax. Stress generates irritability, which leads to anger, and anger shuts down communication. Studies have shown that a one-minute relaxation exercise will increase activity in the brain that is essential for communication and decision making. So before you enter any conversation, do this:

First notice which parts of your body are tense based on a scale of one to 10 (1 = completely relaxed; 10 = extremely tense). Write it down. For 30 seconds, breathe in slowly to the count of five, and then exhale slowly to the count of five. Repeat this three times. Now, yawn a few times and notice if it relaxes you. Assign it a number between one and 10 and write it down. Now stretch your body, beginning with the muscles of your face, scrunching them up, then stretching them out. Then gently move your head from side to side and front to back. Scrunch your shoulders up and then push them down. Next tighten your arms and legs for a count of 10; then relax and shake it out. Take a few more deep breaths. Once more assign a number to your state of relaxation and write it down, noticing any improvement. 

Step 2: Stay present. When you focus on your breathing and relaxation, your attention is pulled into the present moment and inner speech stops, at least momentarily. If we bring this "presentness" into a conversation, we hear the subtle tones of voice that give emotional meaning to the speaker’s words. Being in the present moment will allow you to quickly recognize when a conversation begins to go astray. 

Step 3: Get quiet. Developing the skill to remain silent helps you give full attention to what other people say. To hone that skill, try an exercise with this online bell. Push the button to "strike" it then focus on the sound. As it fades, listen more closely. Ring the bell several more times, and listen more closely. This is the attentiveness you need when listening to someone. 

Step 4: Be positive. Take a mental inventory of your mood. Are you tired or alert, anxious or calm? Then, ask yourself: do I feel optimistic about this conversation? If there's any doubt, anxiety, or frustration—postpone it. If you can’t, then at least mentally rehearse the conversation first, which will help you spot statements you might make that would undermine your goal. 

Step 5: Confirm values. To make a conversation balanced and fair, everyone has to be clear and up front, about values, intentions, and goals. If your values are not aligned with those of the person you're trying to do business with, trouble is unavoidable. So learn about the person's values as soon as you can. But beware: some people will mask the nonverbal cues of deceit and just tell you exactly what you hope to hear. 

Step 6: Evoke memories. Enter the conversation with an expression that conveys kindness, compassion, and interest. But it cannot be faked. So if you're not feeling it, tap into a pleasant memory of people you love and respect. It will soften the muscles around your eyes and evoke a gentle half smile on your face, which stimulates a feeling of trust in the other person's brain. 

Step 7: Watch nonverbal cues. Keep your eyes on the person you're speaking with, but don't stare. And stay focused, making sure you aren’t distracted by inner thoughts. If a person wants to conceal a feeling— out of embarrassment or the desire to deceive— it might only appear for a quarter of second. But remember that micro-expressions can only tell you that a true emotion is hidden, it won’t tell you why or whether the person is purposefully concealing it. 

Step 8: Be appreciative. The first words you speak set the tone for the conversation, so begin with a compliment and end it with another compliment that expresses appreciation. Of course they must be genuine. Ask yourself: what do I really value about this person? Then, ask yourself which of those attributes you respect most. Remember this as you talk, too, and listen for an opportunity to share it. 

Step 9: Speak warmly. If you drop the pitch of your voice and talk more slowly, the listener will respond with greater trust. When we are angry, excited, or frightened, we raise the pitch and intensity of our voices, and it varies a lot in speed and tone. On the other hand, a warm supportive voice is the sign of leadership and will generate more satisfaction, commitment, and cooperation between members of your team.

Step 10: Slow down. Slowing down your speech actually helps people understand what you are saying and deepens their respect for you. It's not as intuitive as it may seem, and as children we automatically speak fast. But you can teach a child to slow down by speaking slowly yourself because they’ll match you. A slow voice has a calming effect on a person who is feeling anxious, whereas a loud, fast voice stimulates excitement, anger, or fear.

Step 11: Be brief. Limit your speaking to 30 seconds or less. Our conscious minds retain only a tiny bit of information. If you need to communicate something essential, share it in even smaller segments— a sentence or two— then wait for the person to acknowledge they’ve understood. If the person remains silent, say another sentence or two, and then pause again. It also helps to write down major points before the conversation.

Step 12: Listen deeply. Stay focused on the person who is speaking: their words, tone, gestures, facial cues— everything. When they pause, you’ll need to respond to what they just said. If they go and on, then just study them and watch how your own inner speech reacts, without worrying about what you may remember or forget. You’ll actually be practicing a form of meditation that is neurologically enhancing and emotionally relaxing— a far cry from what we usually feel when we are bored by someone speaking.

Adapted excerpt from Words Can Change Your Brain by Andrew Newberg, M.D. and Mark Robert Waldman (Hudson Street Press, Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 2012).

 

http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/223993

Your Field Guide to Body Language

You speak as much with your gestures as your voice. You use your hands to express a variety of culturally understood gestures, some rude and offensive. Some of us also have very idiosyncratic gestures particular to ourselves. We "leak" what we are really thinking by foot-tapping or perhaps changing our posture.

Hands, heads and feet can be used to produce a very wide range of signals, signs and other movements. Hand movements accompany speech and can be used to:

1. point to people, objects, or yourself;
2. show spatial relationships (inside/outside; up/down);
3. show spatial movements (round-and-round);
4. beat time by showing rhythm and tempo;
5. show particular movement (punching or kicking);
6. draw a visual picture (spiral slide, odd-shaped room).

Traditionally, it is argued that most culturally recognized gestures have relatively specific meanings. Nodding your head means that you are listening or that you agree, while shaking your fist often means anger. In most cultures, palm rubbing means anticipation, and hand-clapping, approval. Thumbs down is about disapproval and shrugging soldiers a lack of interest. A pat on the back can mean encouragement. Some use pretending to shoot oneself (hand in the shape of a pistol to the head) to indicate that one has done something stupid.

The Anglo-Saxon world is surprisingly gesture-poor, possibly because of the richness of the English language. The "teeth flick" (meaning anger), the "cheek screw" (meaning "good") or the "eyelid-pull" (meaning "I am alert") are unknown in the English-speaking world. (Go to southern Europe if you really want to see people using gestures to communicate.)

How frequently people gesture is a function of many things—whether others can see them (though many gesture a lot while on the phone); how excited, involved and enthusiastic they are; when the topic is complex; when the listener seems not to be paying attention; when the speaker wants to dominate the listener; when the topic is concrete and about manual activities (pitching a tent, tying a tie) rather than abstract; and when the speaker has limited verbal skills.

It is possible to distinguish between many different types of gestures. Paul Ekman, one of the most important living psychologists, long ago distinguished between:

• Emblems—sign language, often rude, sometimes part of a task- or occupation-specific culture. They are a shorthand (pun intended) substitute for words.
• Illustrators—movements that accompany and amplify speech. The size of the fish that got away and the place of the pain in the body are both illustrators.
• Regulators—gesture movements like those of an orchestral conductor. They attempt to regulate conversation: to shut someone up, bring others in, or encourage them to continue.
• Adaptors—anxiety or displacement movements that may reveal emotions.
• Displays—often ritual gestures of powerful emotions or symbolic quality, such as the clenched fist, the Nazi salute, or the laying on of hands.

If a person taps his or her temple with a forefinger it can mean "crazy" or intelligent—opposite meanings for an identical gesture. This hand-to-brain contact could mean a "bad brain" (a fool) or a "good brain" (very bright or clever). The context and the culture determine the meaning of gestures, yet many extend well beyond specific or national boundaries.

Gestures can say something of the emotional state of others, particularly their level of excitement or anxiety. Self-touching, the neck-scratch, a collar-tug, or fingers in the mouth gestures are often particularly telling of shame, doubt, and presentational anxiety. 

Gestures also give information about personality. Extroverts tend to be more expansive, while people with depression have fewer, slower, more hesitant and non-emphatic gestures. Neurotics touch their faces and hair often, scratching and pulling; they indulge in the wringing and interlocking of their hands and the opening and closing of their fists.

There are many gestures which are easily interpreted in Anglo-Saxon culture. These include rubbing hands together (excited expectation, or simply being cold). Clenching hands (in front of the face, on a desk or in front of the crotch) may signal confidence or frustration while steepling hands (up or down) is usually a positive gesture of confidence; thumb displays (holding your jacket lapels, sticking your thumbs out of a pocket) are thought to show superiority, pomposity, and possibly ridicule.

Hand-to-face gestures are particularly intriguing and nicely characterized by the three monkey states of "Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil." The mouth guard, possibly disguised as a fake cough or used to conceal a yawn, is often associated with lying, as is the nose touch. It has been suggested that if a speaker touches his or her mouth he or she may be lying, while if the listener does it, it suggests that he or she believes the speaker is lying.

The eye-rub (see no evil), the ear-rub (hear no evil), and the neck-scratch, collar-tug or fingers in mouth (not nail-biting) are often seen as signs of deceit or uncertainty—or simply anxiety. It may be that anxiety, or anxiety about lying, causes physical tension, which leads to the gesture, rather than it being the manifestation of an unconscious idea.

Touching the chin, cheek, or jaw is usually associated with thinking (evaluating what is being said or making a decision) and occasionally with boredom. Rubbing the back of the neck is often interpreted as a sign of frustration ("pain in the neck"). Folded arms or using bags, flowers, or books as a barrier is usually interpreted as defensiveness or nervousness. Equally, leg or foot crossing with ankle locks is usually interpreted as coldness or defensiveness. Precisely when these gestures are adopted or changed (particularly in terms of what is being said at the same time) is an important clue to their interpretation.

The popular author of many body-language books, Allan Pease, has noted various other sorts of known gestures:

• Straddling a chair (sitting backwards)—using the back of the chair as a defense because of aggression.
• Fluff-picking (picking imaginary fluff off clothes)—approval or deliberately withholding evidence.
• Both hands behind the head—controlled, dominant, and confident.
• Hands on hip or in belt—sexual aggressiveness or sizing one another up.
• Tie-straightening—preening in males as a courtship gesture.

Equally, one can use various props like cigars, pipes, and glasses to send gestures. How and where smoke is blown, how cigarettes are held, and when glasses are put in the mouth are all interpreted as meaning something whether the actor meant it or not. Film actors deliberately use certain actions to convey the motives and mood of their character. Anything put in the mouth may be thought of as a gesture of reassurance or possible aggression.

Gestures are important at work. Leaders sometimes choose symbolic gestures like V for victory. They become recognized by the way they do things—point, adjust their glasses, fiddle with their cufflinks. Some leaders are coached in gesturing, to avoid some gestures that they seem to use too much while learning others which are thought to indicate things like their sincerity and power.

Watch a political speech without the sound and see how much you can understand, and you begin to understand the power of gestures.

Clearly it is not only what you say, but the way you say it that is important.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sideways-view/201508/your-field-guide-body-language

3 Delightfully Simple Steps to Communicating With Confidence

What would you do if you were asked to describe what you do in less than 30 seconds?

Most of us would think that we know what to say, blurt something out that has been rehearsed in our head several times, (as of course we imagined this moment would come), and end up sounding like an inauthentic robot trying to sell someone on our new business idea.

Awkward!

It is no secret that the majority of entrepreneurs realize the importance of your typical elevator pitch, and use this method as the primary means to talk about their work, explain their role and hopefully obtain some sort of “buy-in” from the person they are engaging in the communication with.

However, as important as what the elevator pitch represents is, its usage has not only tripped Entrepreneurs and Leaders up, but more often than not, the “elevator pitch”, as it is typically taught to be used, does more harm than good.

So how do you communicate what your elevator pitch represents without turning people off and sounding like a machine? Read on below to learn how to communicate with confidence using three simple steps that will help you to be the naturally poised, conversational, glorious business leader that you are.

1. Communication begins before you open your mouth.

Think about it. When we meet someone, we often have an internal sense as to whether or not we are going to like him or her or like what he or she has to say. We use our senses to take in what they wear, their mannerisms, their hair and/or makeup, if their nails are clean, the whole bit!

It is remarkable to think about how often we size people up, and it is totally scary to think that someone else actually does the same to us! So, knowing this helps us to be clear on the kind of image we want to embody in our work and life. Are you a relaxed polo-and-khaki-skirt woman, or are you a formal three-piece suit wealthy investor/entrepreneur?

Both are OK, and both are suitable for different people. The point is to be mindful of these impressions to ensure that the image we portray is consistent with our intention for that image. So now is the time to do some soul searching. Ask yourself, “What does my image communicate about me?”

2. Speak from the heart.

This is not easy unless you have engaged in the deep work to identify how your work intersects with your personal values, passion and purpose in your life. When people ask you what you do, they are less interested in the mechanics of your work than understanding how your work represents you.

For years, this was the biggest mistake I made when communicating about my work as a leadership coach. I used to give the whole formal speech with friends about how my work intersects with culture and even the initiatives of the President! I noticed when people went from listening to tuning out. It became quite comical at times.

So...I made the shift to talking about why my work is important to me and how it represents my passion. With time, follow up questions began to roll. Why is your work important to you? How does it represent the core of who you are?

3. Use your conversation to add value.

Here is where the elevator pitch comes in. Typically, after you have succeeded with the first two steps, people are then listening for “how can you help me?” So, add value by letting them know (authentically)!

You will know you have done this right when the person you are communicating with says, "I have a friend who is looking to get into that field," or “I know someone who I should connect you to.” If neither is applicable, a good ole “That’s awesome” will suffice.

Communicating is not easy, until you are in tune with your authentic self and possess the self-awareness to position your message in a way that adds value. Then something that was once a challenging feat quickly becomes a walk in the park.

How have you added value today?

http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/249604