You Cannot Fully Understand A Person's Need Until You Have Endured The Same Need

As hard as you may try to understand other people's situation and suffering, you'll fall short unless you go through the same circumstance. You will find it hard to understand their needs but if you are sensitive enough to feel what they feel, I am sure there is no problem expressing your empathy rather than your sympathy.

When you put yourself on other people's shoes, you also feel their emotions like being angry, sad, hurt and excluded. Being able to predict how other people might feel is a part of emotional intelligence (EQ ), a skill we can all develop with practice. When we understand how other people are likely to feel, it can guide our interactions and dealings with them.

By nature, people are extremely self-centered. Everyone tries to look at a situation from their own perspective hardly empathizing any situation and try to look at it from the other side. Sometimes we just fail to comprehend the situation because we make decisions quicker than we thought. Our peripheral vision is blurred due to our easy to 

judge behavior.

When we understand other people's feelings, it actually requires a threshold level of empathy to even be aware of what others feel. Most of us are not able to understand other people's feelings. We are too preoccupied with our own shortcomings that we failed to notice that there are still other beings out there who suffered more than we've been through.

Though life is a matter of choice; our willingness to listen and understand other's predicament can help boost their morale. This is easier said than done. In reality, we are quick to make assumptions without digging deeper what makes them act or do such foolish actions that made them suffer than satisfied.

I can understand that it is really difficult to feel what other people feels because some people are not willing to listen. We just need to regard people not on what they do but what their situation is because when it comes to understanding others, we seldom use our heart. Most often than not, we use our mouth to speak harsh words to others rather than let our emotions speak the truth.

We are more considerate when we listen with our hearts than our ears. We need to learn how to accept our mistakes before we can understand the mistakes of others. Most sensible people understand. But it does not mean that they are mean. It just happened that they focused mostly on themselves rather than on other people.

People who regularly have outbursts of anger, depression or flamboyant enthusiasm are generally frowned upon in their childhood experience. There are some children who suffered emotional trauma in their formative years because of parents' neglect. True, we have to be patient in understanding their situation but it doesn't mean that we are going to tolerate such display of inappropriate behavior. If they are not corrected right now, then they will become liabilities of the society than assets.

But never ever assume everything is fine just because someone isn't having a nervous breakdown. We all have our individual problems, angst and upsets in life. We just have to be sensitive with the underlying currents that made them who they are. It gives us an advantage in trying to help.

Emphatic understanding is very important especially if we want to know what others have been through.

http://ezinearticles.com/?You-Cannot-Fully-Understand-A-Persons-Need-Until-You-Have-Endured-The-Same-Need&id=9774840

Stress Is A Product Of Guilt, And How To Eliminate Them

The human being is often misperceived as a single individual. That is very far from the truth. In fact, we are a sort of apartment complex with several different beings all living in the same building.

Stress is caused by guilt. Guilt is caused by an inner conflict between two of the tenants in the building, your animal nature and your ego/personality, which is programmed by your culture and upbringing.

The ego tells you what is right and what is wrong, which is often in conflict with your animal nature - the body which has its own mind - which doesn't have the constraints of ethics, morals and cultural or religious values that the ego-personality has.

When you have certain desires of the animal nature which conflict with what you think you should feel, that creates guilt and then that guilt creates stress. This still happens even if you do not follow through on your desires, simply desiring is enough to cause guilt and confusion.

We can use a simple example, and apply this principle to many things in anyone's life. A devoted married person may see someone else and sexual desires arise. These desires cause guilt because the concept is that if you are in love and married, you should be satisfied. The desires bring question as to your devotion and also the depth of your love. This leads to guilt for having desires which could lead to being unfaithful, and to doubt if you are really in love. All this causes tremendous stress.

The solution to this perpetual, never-ending stress, by anyone who believes they have good morals, is the acceptance that you are multiple beings. You are an animal and your animal nature and desires will always be there and never go away. That part of your being has no concept of anything other than feeding its desires immediately as it feels them. It is totally unconcerned with anybody else and who or how they get hurt in any way. It is totally self-centred.

When you experience these feelings and desires which are selfish and even could inflict physical, emotional or mental harm on another human being - and you still want it regardless of the harm it will cause - and you feel guilty about that, it's because you deny the reality of the cohabitation of the animal nature and the ego/personality into one body, even though they are two totally separate beings.

The self-lies that; 'I am a spiritual being', and 'I am a single individual being' are the false beliefs behind the pain. Accepting the truth that a human is a combination of multiple, totally different and opposing beings, trapped within a single body, helps you resolve the guilt of your feelings and allows you to use your intellect and not follow those feelings or desires (because you know better) and you won't feel guilty about having those desires, even if they're constant.

Two animals of different species will eat different foods; meat or vegetarian, live in different places; up in a tree or burrow in the ground, but yet share the same watering hole to drink the same water.

When the guilt is removed, the stress is automatically eliminated and thus more energy - mental and emotional - and focus is available because it's not wasted on guilt and stress. This brings a greater balance to your personality and in that you will no longer feel the conflicts - eventually - once you have fully integrated this acceptance.

The reality through self-observation of the multiplicity of beings in one body is the value behind the saying; Know Thyself.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Stress-Is-A-Product-Of-Guilt,-And-How-To-Eliminate-Them&id=9580905

Being Too Nice Can Contribute to Depression

There is such a thing as being too nice, too giving and too caring. To overcome depression you must stop the habit of bending over to gain people’s approval. I know, it’s easier said than done. But no one said it’d be easy.

Those who are affected by depression tend to be people-pleasers. And yet, ironically, quite often their actions are viewed by others as selfish and self-centered. For over three decades I believed in that crap myself. I believed I was selfish and self-involved. I was convinced I had nothing to offer. I also thought that it didn’t matter what I thought. That my opinion was less important than anyone else’s. It seemed as if I was always living someone else’s life.

Finally, after two major brain seizures caused by a suicide attempt, I stopped living someone else’s life and looked deep within…

Someone Else’s Life

I was the child who was “too young to understand things” and therefore to make decisions. My life was run by the grown ups, who weren’t able to see the serious damage caused by the primitive belief such as; “children should be seen but not heard.” Then later, I became an young adult, clinging to any guy who’d find anything whatsoever appealing in me. At that time my looks seemed to have the only value in the eyes of others.

I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t who I am. I was a “slave” to anyone who was willing to have me in their life. The fear of rejection always steered my thoughts into the direction that led others to benefit from it more than I did.

How tiring was that!? How exhausting it is having to constantly put others before your own self! And how little reward you get at the end of it…

All this, so you can keep deluding yourself that someone cares about you, at least enough to stick around. For a while, at least… ’til they get tired of it.

Then what do you do when the inevitable happens and when they leave? You blame yourself, of course. Consciously, or subconsciously, your already low self-esteem gets reinforced. It spirals downward in a lightening speed and you get even more depressed, thinking that there is no tomorrow for you…

Well, there is. And it’s a bright one, too!

You’ve heard the phrase: “You teach people how to treat you” but you’ve ignored it so far. Maybe because when you did try to stand up for yourself it always seemed to have back fired. You might even had finally snapped and told others to fuck off, which they deserved to hear, only to find yourself being labeled as too aggressive and not “lady-like.”

Well dear, who the f**k gives a damn? Who cares what others think and, or say? Let me just remind you – it shouldn’t be you. There is only one person in this entire world whose opinion should matter to you, and that is YOU and you ONLY.

There is only one person in this entire Universe that needs your pleasing, and that person is you.

There is only one person who needs your caring the most, and yes, you’ve guessed it –  it’s you again.

Just remember this: if you care too much – others will care too little… If you remain too available – others will always remain too busy for you. Without even being apologetic about it, people will always make you wait for them, making you feel as if your time is not nearly as valuable as theirs. You get the picture…

You will encounter resistance from those around you when you start making those long-overdue changes, but that’s OK. Have fun with it. See that sense of amusement on their faces and that sense of disbelief… Stare back at them without blinking.

Be prepared to deal with the consequences of having the courage to do what’s right for you. In your mind let go of the fear of not having that job in case your boss decides to fire you. Maybe it means it’s time to do something else for a living.

Be ready to let go of your significant other if s/he continues to refuse to treat you in a new, more loving and respectful way.

Make yourself OK with being alone for now. Make yourself comfortable with being with… YOU. Get to know yourself. Find out exactly what your needs and desires are and then become unstoppable in fulfilling them! Be selfish. You’ve been accused of it so many times before, now it’s time for you to show others (and yourself) how selfish you can really be! Show them that you mean business…

Renounce the guilt. Let go of it. Completely. It’s time to release it.

Be your number one. Be bold. Be spontaneous. Learn to be yourself in every situation and around everyone.

This is how you start to love yourself…

http://themindunleashed.org/2015/07/being-too-nice-can-contribute-to-depression.html

No Pretending - Authenticity Rules

Trials and tribulations, frets and worries abound. Many are valid, most as true, and all touch and change life. Because each encounter, regardless of its seeming importance of the moment, can be quite significant in the long run. And that is where individual authenticity becomes so valuable.

Authenticity is that genuineness that resonates from the soul, from the essence of being. It is the deep, down reality of an individual. It is what makes a person tick and tock; it is a natural rhythm and rock. It creates balance and stability because the person is true to the self, faithful to the heart, and sincere in the soul. While much of authenticity is automatic - we are who we are - it is sometimes difficult to maintain this characteristic. When we enter rough waters and restless situations, finding the "right" answer for ourselves, accepting that our right answer does not necessarily meet the needs of others, may require strength and perspiration not to mention intestinal fortitude.

Why would authenticity take so much effort, attention, and determination? I believe it is because basically most people are good. They care about others and they want to create and live in a healthy, happy world. Because of this outward regard, it is easy to lose sight of inward focus. We can lose track of our "self" as we attend to the wants and needs of others. And while we may be behaving with authentic concern, we sometimes disguise our real beliefs and understanding to placate another person's. A little loss can be a gain in the long run as we learn. A lot of loss can mean becoming sightless of the self.

Examples of this type of lost-ness might be spouses, especially if one is particularly domineering. It is often far simpler to give in, to relent, rather than stand up for a fight. Not a fistfight or screaming match, of course, but just taking a stance for a personal wish, desire, or dream and while being willing to reshape it also recognizing that staying with it is essential to authenticity. In an authentic relationship, both participants listen, offer feedback, and then compromise without losing sight of the true desires of the soul while accepting that give-and-take is valuable. Since authenticity by nature should be kind, even when ideas and opinions differ respect reigns and decisions are made with the very best intent.

Parents, especially in my observations, mothers, may become lost in child rearing. In this case it is not so much that authenticity vanishes but that concern for another being supersedes all choices and situations. Part of this is good - parenting is a tremendous responsibility where selfishness must be put aside for the well-being of the child. Parents determined to remain in their own self-centered realm while children self-raise are relinquishing a key component of the parenting role. But this responsibility does not mean total loss of self, but rather a strengthening of moral fiber that will be reflected and absorbed by children.

I find authenticity to be a challenging but gratifying characteristic. I believe I have the genuineness and honesty areas under control and I believe that most people with whom I work recognize this in my behavior and deeds. I also admit that sometimes I waffle and waver to try to satisfy others and that is when bits of my authenticity slip away. The good thing is that these slippings are recoverable. Just because I bow to another today to try to pull a team together does not mean that this part of me is forever lost. I can regroup, re-examine, and regain that authenticity that makes me, me.

http://ezinearticles.com/?No-Pretending---Authenticity-Rules&id=9082126