Message From the Universe: Reading Into People's Mind!

"Actually, it's not as if your angels can just drop everything they're doing and come running whenever you call for assistance, guidance, and love.

You pretty much are everything they're doing.

Before you even ask,

The Universe"

Your energy comes from within you and everyone feels it. This is what we call energy signature, everyone in the world has it. When you meet someone new, the one most important thing that attracts you to that person is their energy signature. Now, let's not kid ourselves. This energy signature is composed of many different features that one person possess, which can be both physical and spiritual. When you are attracted to someone, well, besides their physical appearance, you have somewhat of a connection that you wouldn't have with anyone else. You are drawn to that person for a reason you may not be able to explain, well, besides how amazing they look. Beware though as physical appearance may change through time as you grow mentally and spiritually. Nevertheless, that person's energy is unique and you want to get to know that individual in a more profound way. Once accomplished, it is crucial to always keep your energy signature in sync with each other as time may pull you apart. If, for example, you decide to take meditation and grow spiritually, your perception of the world around you will change, where the same world to your significant other is stagnant. Your views about life might create conflict in the long term, and disagreements will arise accordingly. This is the beginning of the end.

This is a very common trend among many couples who grow apart because one of the party decides to change their way of living, where the other decides to stay the same. It is important to always discuss these major life changes, especially in the realm of spirituality. Not everyone may see the way you do, which can create somewhat of a disconnect among everyone involved. Other areas where you can break ties with your significant other is when one decide to stop drinking, using drugs or decide to get on a diet while the other sticks with the same old routine. The encouragement factor is not present and one may decide to leave the other person because of this toxic environment. Relationships break apart for a myriad of reasons and I can go on discussing about them for pages and pages at a time. The key is to remember that when dealing with another person, especially with the person you love the most, is to understand what they need to make them happy. Work on making yourself a better person so they can get inspired to doing the same. Take initiative in that regard. Do not wait for them to ask for things to change. I know it can be hard to read their mind, but just give it a try. It may not be as difficult as you may think.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Reading-Into-Peoples-Mind!&id=9432490

Healing From A Relationship With A Narcissist

Healing from a relationship with a narcissist is a learned process. Learn it now!

Many of us have been there.

You met the person of your dreams - charming, intelligent, romantic, attentive, incredible chemistry and great lover. You might have been told how wonderful you are, how this was the first time your lover had ever felt this way and had this level of connection, and you felt truly seen for the first time.

Perhaps there was a nagging unease that all this was happening too fast - that he or she couldn't possibly feel this way about you without knowing you better. But you were swept off your feet and finally decided to open your heart.

The confusion may have started then, as your lover pulled away and become critical. Or, it might have started after you married, and you found yourself with a partner totally different than the person you fell in love with.

Whether your relationship was two months or two years or two decades, it was likely tumultuous, confusing and painful. And if you were married and then divorced, it might have been more painful or even frightening.

There is much healing for you to do if you were in love with a narcissist.

The Process of Healing From Your Narcissistic Partner

1) First you need to be very compassionate with yourself and let yourself grieve for the huge loss of what you had hoped for. It might seem easier to judge yourself for the big mistakes you believe you made, but self-judgment will keep you stuck. There is no possibility of healing when you judge yourself.

Each time the grief comes up, embrace it with kindness and caring toward yourself. Even though you know it's better to have ended this relationship, it's hard to let go of the intensity of a relationship with a narcissist. It's hard to imagine a future relationship that isn't boring compared to the intensity you've been experiencing.

2) Once some of the grief has subsided, then it's time to go inward and explore why you were vulnerable to this person. Was your partner giving you what you were not giving to yourself? Was your partner seeing you and valuing you in the way you need to be seeing and valuing yourself? Did you ignore some red flags because you so wanted it all to be true?

Did you make excuses for your partner to avoid facing the truth? Did you give yourself up to try to have control over getting your partner to be loving to you again? What did you sacrifice to keep the relationship - your integrity, your financial security, your time with family and/or friends, your time for yourself, your inner knowing?

It's vitally important to be honest with yourself so that you don't end up feeling like a victim, and so that you have less of a chance of repeating this in a future relationship.

During this time of self-reflection, it's very important to get support. You might want to join a 12-Step CODA group, go into therapy/facilitation, and/or join a support group.

3) Educate yourself about narcissism. There are numerous books, websites and articles devoted to understanding narcissism. Since I'm certain that you don't want to repeat this, you need to do all you can to learn about what happened. You need to become sensitive to the numerous red flags so that you can pick them up very early in a subsequent relationship.

One of my clients shared that she had met a man six years ago, dated him a few times, and then they remained distant friends. Recently, when she was in his town, they saw each other and she was very attracted to him. He came on strong, inviting her to join him on an upcoming European vacation. She felt uneasy, but a day later texted him to see if he wanted to have dinner with her. He never responded to the invitation. It took her only 24 hours to recognize these two red flags of narcissism - coming on strong and then disappearing. She was pleased that she found this out so soon! Instead of beating herself up for being attracted to another narcissist, she congratulated herself for staying open to the truth.

Since narcissists are often very attractive, any of us can become attracted. But whether or not we will pursue it depends on how much Inner Bonding work we have done.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Healing-From-A-Relationship-With-A-Narcissist&id=9396212

Relationships: Why Are Some People Only Attracted To People They Can Overshadow?

While some people end up with people who are on a similar level, there are others who end up with people who are not. As a result of this, not everyone is going to be drawn to people who are as developed as they are.

Equal

When it comes to the former, it could be said that one's relationships are likely to be fulfilling, and this is partly because the other person will be able to challenge them. Another way of looking at this is that each person will be an adult as opposed to one of them being a child and another being a parent.

Now, this doesn't mean that they will be at the same level when it comes to every area of their life, as there are likely to be certain areas where this is not the case. For example, one person could have more money than the other or greater success in their career.

Emotional Development

However, when it comes to what is taking place within them, there is likely to be less of a difference. The emotional development of one person is likely to match up with the emotional development of the other.

There could also be a match when it comes to their intellectual development, but this might not always be the case. This could then mean that one person is more creative than the other.

Attention

Along with this, one may prefer more or less attention than someone else, and it could then be said that they are either an extrovert or introvert. Yet even if one does like to spend more time around others, it doesn't mean that they will see themselves as more important or more developed than their partner.

And the same could be said if one finds that their partner needs to spend more time around others. Each person is then able to accept that the other person is different without trying to change them or make out there is something wrong with them.

Complement Each Other

In this sense, each person is there to add to the other person's life, and this will allow them to grow and develop together. In many ways, this could be seen as the ideal scenario as it will be life-affirming.

This doesn't mean that they won't argue or that they won't be conflict; what it means is that they will be together to assist in each other's evolution. When one ends up with people who are not at the same level, their experience is likely to be radically different.

Two Experiences

On one side, one could find that they are fed up with attracting people who are more like their child than their partner. On the other side, one could find that although this causes them to be frustrated from time to time, it is what feels comfortable.

If one has had enough of what is taking place, it could be a sign that they have experienced an inner shift. But if one is happy with how their life is, it could come down to the fact that their level of awareness hasn't changed.

For Example

When one is in this position, they could find that they are typically drown to people who are a lot younger than they are. It will then be normal for one to feel like the other persons parent and they can be used to giving more than they receive.

One could also be attracted to people who are not very developed, and once again they can feel like some kind of teacher. But while they will be giving lots of advice, they are not going to be getting anything in return.

Control

Still, what this will do is allow them to be the person that decides what does and what doesn't happen in the relationship. For instance, through having more money, they will be able to define where they go and where they live.

If they are more intelligent, it will allow them to be right and the other person is likely to look up to them. The feedback that they get from the other is then going to have a positive effect on how they feel about themselves.

Stunted

So the relationships they have will allow them to experience control and to feel good about themselves, but what they won't do is allow them to grow. The only thing they are likely to do is to allow them to preserve the identity they have formed.

Therefore, although one can look as though they are full of life on the outside, this is not going to match up with what is taking place within them. And until they no longer feel comfortable with this kind of dynamic, it won't be possible for them to truly grow.

Overshadow

If one was to take a look at what is taking place within them at a deeper level, they may find that they don't value themselves, and through being with people who are not at the same level, it stops them from having to face how they feel. One has then created a false-self that allows them to rise above their true feelings.

This could mean that there was a time in their life where they experienced some kind of abuse and neglect, and this then caused them to experience toxic shame. If one was to embrace how they feel they would feel worthless and it would cause them to emotionally collapse, but through disconnecting from what is taking place within them, it will allows them to experience a false sense of superiority.

Awareness

If one can relate to this and they want to attract someone who is at their level, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist and/or a support group. This can be a time where one will need to work through the emotional pain that is trapped in their body, among other things.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Relationships:-Why-Are-Some-People-Only-Attracted-To-People-They-Can-Overshadow?&id=9423856

Getting Over Relationship Insecurity

Nothing awakens our anxiety like a close relationship.

“She isn’t attracted to me any more. She never acts as excited to see me when I come home. Why can’t it just be like it was in the beginning?” My friend has just entered into the first of two common phases of relationship insecurity: rhetorical questioning. The internal investigation continues with, “She takes forever to answer my texts. Doesn’t she miss me when I’m gone? She used to always laugh at my jokes. Do you think she’s interested in someone else?”

Then comes phase two: turning on himself, “It’s because I’m losing my looks. I’m away too often. She doesn’t think I’m fun any more. I can’t make her happy. There’s something wrong with me. She wants someone better.”

We’ve all most likely been at one or the other ends of this scenario; we’ve either been the worrier or been with the worrier. Chances are, we’ve actually experienced both.Insecurity, as most of us know first hand, can be toxic to our closest relationships. And while it can bounce back and forth from partner to partner, both the cause of our insecurity and its cure reside in us alone.

Unsurprisingly, studies have found that people with low self-esteem have more relationship insecurities, which can prevent them from experiencing the benefits of a loving relationship. People with low self-esteem not only want their partner to see them in a better light than they see themselves, but in moments of self-doubt, they have trouble even recognizing their partner’s affirmations. Moreover, the very acting out of our insecurities can push our partner away, thus creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because this struggle is so internal and most of the time even independent of circumstances, it’s important to deal with our insecurities without distorting or dragging our partner into them. We can do this by taking two steps 1. Uncovering the real roots of our insecurity and 2. Challenging the inner critic that sabotages our relationship.

1. Where does our insecurity come from?

Nothing awakens distant hurts like a close relationship. Our relationships stir up old feelings from our past more than anything else. Our brains are even flooded with the same neuro-chemical in both situations.

We all have working models for relationships that were formed in our early attachments to influential caretakers. Whatever our early pattern was shapes our adult relationships, a subject I address in more detail in the blog “How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship.” Our style of attachment influences which partners we choose and the dynamics that play out in our relationships. A secure attachment pattern helps a person to be more confident and self-possessed. However, when someone has an anxious or preoccupied attachment style, they may be more likely to feel insecure toward their partner.

Knowing our attachment style is beneficial, because it can help us to realize ways we may be recreating a dynamic from our past. It can help us to choose better partners and form healthier relationships, which can actually, in turn, change our attachment style. Finally, it can make us more aware of how our feelings of insecurity may be misplaced, based on something old as opposed to our current situation.

Our insecurities can further stem from a “critical inner voice” that we’ve internalized based on negative programming from our past. If we had a parent who hated themselves, for example, or who directed critical attitudes toward us, we tend to internalize this point of view and carry it with us like a cruel coach inside our heads. This inner critic tends to be very vocal about the things that really matter to us, like our relationships. Take the example of my friend, mentioned above. First the critical inner voice fueled doubts about his girlfriend’s interest in him, then it turned on him. The second he perceived the situation through the filter of his critical inner voice, which told him his girlfriend was pulling away, his mind flooded with terrible thoughts toward himself. One minute, he was just fine. The next minute, he was listening to an inner voice telling him all the ways he couldn’t measure up, that he was being rejected.

Relationships shake us up. They challenge core feelings we have about ourselves and evict us from long-lived-in comfort zones. They tend to turn up the volume of our inner voice and reopen unresolved wounds from our past. If we felt abandoned as a child, the aloof behavior of a romantic partner won’t just feel like a current frustration. It has the potential to send us back into the emotional state of a terrified child, who needed our parent for survival. As hard as it may feel to connect our contemporary reactions with beliefs, attitudes and experiences from our early lives, it is an invaluable tool for getting to know ourselves, and ultimately, for challenging behaviors that don’t serve us or even fit with our real, adult life.

2. How to Deal With Relationship Insecurity

In order to challenge our insecurity, we have to first get to know our critical inner voice. We should try to catch it each and every time is creeps into our minds. Sometimes, it may be easy. We’re getting dressed to go out on a date, and it screeches, “You look awful! You’re so fat. Just cover yourself up. He’ll never be attracted to you.” Other times, it’ll be more sneaky, even soothing sounding, “Just keep to yourself. Don’t invest or show her how you feel, and you won’t get hurt.” This voice can even turn on our partner in ways that make us feel more insecure, “You can’t trust him. He’s probably cheating on you!” Identifying this critical inner voice is the first step to challenging it. Here you can learn specific steps you can take to conquer this inner critic and keep it from infiltrating your love life.

As we start to challenge these negative attitudes toward ourselves, we must also make an effort to take actions that go against the directives of our critical inner voice. In terms of a relationship, that means not acting out based on unwarranted insecurities or acting in any ways we don’t respect. Here are some helpful steps to take:

Maintain your independence. It’s crucial to keep a sense of ourselves separate from our partner. As Dr. Daniel Siegel has said, the goal for a relationship should be to make a fruit salad and not a smoothie. In other words, we shouldn’t forego essential parts of who we are in order to become merged into a couple. Instead, each of us should work to maintain the unique aspects of ourselves that attracted us to each other in the first place, even as we move closer. In this way, each of us can hold strong, knowing that we are a whole person in and of ourselves.

Don’t act out no matter how anxious you are. Of course, this is easier said then done, but we all know our insecurities can precipitate some pretty destructive behavior. Acts of jealousy or possessiveness can hurt our partner, not to mention us. Snooping through their text messages, calling every few minutes to see where they are, getting mad every time they look at another attractive person – these are all acts that we can avoid no matter how anxious it makes us, and in the end, we will feel much stronger and more trusting. Even more importantly, we will be trustworthy.

Because we can only change our half of the dynamic, it’s always valuable to think about if there are any actions we take that push our partner away. If we’re acting in a way we respect, and we still don’t feel like we’re getting what we want, we can make a conscious decision to talk about it with our partner or change the situation, but we never have to feel victimized or allow ourselves to act in ways that we don’t respect.

Don’t seek reassurance. Looking to our partner to reassure us when we feel insecure only leads to more insecurities. Remember, these attitudes come from inside us, and unless we can overcome them within ourselves, it won’t matter how smart, sexy, worthy or attractive our partner tells us we are. No matter what, we must strive to feel okay within ourselves. This means really and fully accepting the love and affection our partner directs toward us. However, it doesn’t mean looking to our partner at every turn for reassurance to prove we are okay, a burden that weighs on our partner and detracts from ourselves.

Stop measuring. It’s important not to constantly evaluate or assess our partner’s every move. We have to accept that our partner is a separate person with a sovereign mind. We won’t always see things the same way or express our love in the same way. This doesn’t mean we should settle for someone who doesn’t offer us what we want in a relationship, but when we do find someone who we value and love, we should try not to enter into a tit-for-tat mentality in which we continuously measure who owes who what and when.

A relationship should be equal in terms of maturity and kindnesses exchanged. If things feel off, we can communicate clearly what we want, but we shouldn’t expect our partner to read our minds or know exactly what to do all the time. As soon as we get into the blame game, it’s a hard cycle from which to break free .

Go all in. We all have anxiety, but we can increase our tolerance for the many ambiguities that every relationship inevitably presents by being true to ourselves. We can invest in a person even when we know they have the power to hurt us. Keeping one foot out the door only keeps the relationship from becoming as close as it can and may even undermine it altogether. When we allow ourselves to be loved and to feel loving, we are bound to also feel anxious, but sticking it out has more rewards than we may imagine. When we take a chance without letting our insecurities dictate our behavior, the best case scenario is that the relationship blossoms, and the worst case is that we grow within ourselves. No time is wasted that taught us something about ourselves or that helped nourish our capacity to love and be vulnerable. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201509/getting-over-relationship-insecurity

Why Some of Us Seek Dominant Partners

Research shows that relationship choices are more complicated than they appear

Are you attracted to a romantic partner who is commanding, powerful, assertive, and take-charge? Or do you prefer someone who is less dominant? Your answer is likely to depend on your gender and your personality. Women may prefer dominant “bad boys” (and some men prefer “bad girls”). Different women have very different reasons for seeking out a dominant partner, as do other women for seeking the opposite. 

There are different ways for a person to be dominant, but researchers consider social dominance to include traits like being authoritative, in control, and taking a leadership role.1,2,3 However, such traits are not normally associated with kind, caring people. Dominant people tend to be more self-centered and insensitive to others’ feelings, not traits most of us seek in a romantic partner.4 For dominant individuals to be seen as desirable mates, they need to combine that commanding personality with other traits that show a willingness to be generous and helpful.5 Women want a partner who is competitive with others, but treats them well.6

Evolutionary psychologists claim that women prefer dominant partners because such men have superior genes. Evidence has shown that women prefer more dominant men when they themselves are at the most fertile point of their menstrual cycle, whereas most men do not similarly seek out dominant women.7 

New research by Gilda Geibel and colleagues goes beyond these evolutionary explanations, which focus solely on gender differences, and examines how our individual personality traits affect the preference for dominant partners.8 The researchers speculated that if a passive but nice partner is seen as “boring," then people who are especially averse to boredom in their lives will be the most likely to seek out dominant partners. They predicted that people who are high in sensation-seeking—"the seeking of varied, novel, complex, and intense sensations and experiences and the willingness to take risks for the sake of such experiences”9—would be especially likely to prefer dominant partners. They also wondered how anxiety, particularly for women, might influence these preferences.

In a survey, 172 German adults (60% female, 63% students) completed personality questionnaires, and then measured their own preference for a dominant partner. Participants rated how much they agreed with statements such as, “A very nice man/woman is often boring"; “I like it when the man/woman takes on a leadership role in our relationship"; and, “I feel attracted to assertive men/women." To assess sensation-seeking, participants completed a well-known measure of this trait, which includes four sub-scales:

• Thrill and adventure-seeking. The tendency to engage in “fearless” behavior, like skydiving and mountain-climbing.
• Disinhibition. Engaging in impulsive behaviors, like drug and alcohol use or unsafe sex.
• Experience seeking. Seeking out less risky, but exciting, new experiences, like travel or artistic experiences.
• Boredom susceptibility. The tendency to become bored easily and need constant stimulation from other people or activities.

The results revealed that sensation-seekers of both genders were especially likely to prefer a dominant partner. In particular, boredom susceptibility and disinhibition were correlated with a preference for dominant partners—while thrill-seeking was not. This suggests that those who are easily bored and engage in impulsive behaviors may choose more dominant romantic partners. Such partners may provide excitement that keeps them stimulated.

The researchers also examined participants' overall levels of anxiety. In particular, the researchers hypothesized that women who were highly anxious might prefer dominant partners because of the protection that they offer, rather than because they’re sexy or exciting.

Their results did reveal that there were two types of women who preferred dominant partners—those who displayed boredom susceptibility and disinhibition, and anxiety. These traits are totally uncorrelated to each other, providing evidence that these two types of women may have different motivations for seeking dominant partners. Anxious women appear to prefer dominant partners because they offer protection and security, while disinhibited, easily bored women seem to prefer dominant partners because they’reexciting.

Not all anxious women showed a preference for dominant partners, however. Anxious women were more likely to score highly on the experience-seeking aspect of sensation-seeking, the researchers found, and they concluded that anxious women have two different ways of coping with their anxiety: Some seek a dominant man for protection. But others, particularly those who seek out new and exciting experiences, may try to compensate for their anxiety by pursuing a more sophisticated, cosmopolitan and non-conformist lifestyle that involves new experiences, like travel and artistic pursuits. These women avoid a dominant partner who may try to control them and limit their ability to pursue those experiences. (Of course, there may be other explanations for this surprising pattern of results.)

While there may be some truth, then, to the stereotype that women seek dominant “bad boys," the real picture is complicated—and men certainly may also seek “bad girls” if they themselves are disinhibited and easily bored, just as some women may seek dominant partners if they have that same easily bored personality type. Other women may seek dominant partners because they are anxious and want protection from their mate—although other anxious women prefer the opposite, wanting less-dominant partners who allow them to explore new experiences.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/close-encounters/201505/why-some-us-seek-dominant-partners

Are We Attracted to People Who Look Like Us?

When looking for love, start by looking in the mirror

Do opposites really attract? Despite what you may have grown up hearing, studies may reflect the opposite—interestingly, especially when it comes to looks.

According to research reported in the July 2010 issue of Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, we are attracted to people who resemble our parents or ourselves.

In one study, subjects were shown pictures of strangers which were preceded by a short glimpse of either their own opposite-sex parent or a stranger. Subjects exposed to a short glimpse of their parent before being exposed to the target picture were more likely to assign higher ratings of attractiveness to the person in the target picture. In a second study, a picture of the stranger was morphed with a picture of themselves or a picture of another stranger. When subjects were asked to rate the portrayed people for attractiveness, they usually picked the people who were an amalgamation of a stranger and themselves. 

As it turns out, then, we are much more likely to fall for someone who looks like us or our opposite-sex parent. This may indicate that our incest taboos are social constructs instituted to prevent people from following their instincts. However, there are other explanations of why we are attracted to people who look like us.

Researchers at the deCODE Genetics company in Reykjavik, reporting in a 2008 issue of Science, found that marriages between third or fourth cousins in Iceland tended to produce more children and grandchildren than those between completely unrelated individuals. The researchers suggest that marrying third and fourth cousins may be optimal for reproduction because this degree of genetic similarity may produce the best gene pool. Sibling and first-cousin couples, were they to mate, could have inbreeding problems, whereas couples genetically far-removed from each other could have genetic incompatibilities. Third- and fourth-cousin couples, though, tend to be genetically compatible while having no serious inbreeding problems.

At first glance, such findings seem to go against the so-called "Westermarck effect," which posits that people who grow up together are disposed not to fall in love with each other after they reach sexual maturity. But the Westermarck effect—based on a series of studies done by Finnish anthropologist Edvard Westermark—actually is consistent with the recent findings—living in close proximity is no doubt the decisive factor for desensitization in terms of sexual attraction, not the degree of the individuals' resemblance.

In fact, the Westermarck effect has been confirmed, in the Israeli kibbutz system of communal living, in which people who grow up together are typically not directly related to each other and do not look alike. And consider how traditional sim pua marriages, mostly dating from pre-modern Taiwan, also confirm Westermarck’s theory: Sim pua means “little daughter in-law." In the system, a female infant is given to a family to be reared as their own daughter. When she grows up, she is to marry a son in that family. But sim pua marriages have produced a low fertility rate, a high divorce rate, frequent adultery, and lack of sexual attraction. In some cases, the son or "daughter-in-law" has refused to marry their destined-for spouse.

So, the degree to which a couple resembles each other could be a defining factor in relationship satisfaction after all. 

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mysteries-love/201505/are-we-attracted-people-who-look-us

Why We're Attracted To People Who Are Wrong For Us

I'm asked this question all the time: "Why am I attracted to people who are wrong for me?" And the answer is quite simple, actually:

Because your wounded self is doing the attracting.

Now, I know the term "wounded self" can sound a little intense, so let me explain. We all have two selves: the "little self" (or the wounded self, the ego) and the "Spiritual Self" (the higher self, adult self, or soul).

The wounded self is the part of you that feels incomplete. It questions your worth and value; it doesn't feel whole, or it feels flawed in some way. My wounded self is the "little me" who wonders if I'm truly lovable.

On the other hand, we also have a Spiritual Self. This is your higher self, your soul. It's the part of you that's connected to love, truth, wisdom and peace within. Your Spiritual Self knows, without a doubt, how lovable and valuable you are. In many ways, it's the opposite of the ego.

At any given time, we are operating from one of these two selves. Many of us, unfortunately, operate from the viewpoint of the ego most of the time. That is, we believe we're insignificant and powerless in some way, and we're trying to make up for this lack.

The ego looks for things on the outside to find validation and completion. It believes once it gets more (money, a better partner, a better job, a better house, more vacations, etc…) it will finally be happy.

But … it's never happy. Not for long, anyway. Because the ego's very nature is to feel incomplete. Therefore when you live through the perspective of your ego, you're destined to feel like something's missing. Life through this lens is not very fun.

The ego gets highly activated when it comes to romantic relationships, because relationships are where we hold the most wounding.

We've all felt disappointed or hurt by a relationship in the past; we carry the memory of this wound into adulthood (sometimes unconsciously). If a wound from childhood is still active within you, you'll attract people who are going to highlight the same feeling. For example, if your wounding is centered around feeling rejected or unseen, it's likely that you'll feel a similar way in your relationships as an adult.

Your unconscious is programmed to attract people who activate your wounds. The reason for this is so you'll grow.

This is a frustrating part of the growth process! But think of it this way: You're replaying your wounds so you can finally heal them. We cannot heal anything we don't feel or see; we can't heal things that are unconscious! The uncomfortable feeling has to come to the surface for you to grow beyond it.

And how do you grow beyond it?

By identifying with your higher self.

Remember, your higher self is the part of you that knows the truth about you. It knows that you are worthy, amazing, capable, and powerful. Through the lens of the higher self, you are whole. Yes, you're an imperfect human with flaws; but the larger truth is: you're a soul.

You're beautiful.You're important.You're special.You're love.

This is what the higher self knows about you — and it wants you to know it, too.

By identifying with your higher self (the love within you), your compulsion to play out wounds with other people dissipates and in some cases, disappears.

When you wake up to the higher self's truth, you suddenly realize that the "wrong" people were just teachers to nudge you into the "right"state-of-mind; a state-of-mind that does not question your value or worth. Unfortunately, nothing inspires us to grow more than a broken heart.

Your higher self wants you to identify with it; it wants you to own who you really are. Reclaim the love within you, and you'll heal your relationships from the inside-out.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-15390/why-were-attracted-to-people-who-are-wrong-for-us.html