Child Abuse - Why Is Healing Possible?

All types of child abuse often have a devastating emotional component that does long-term psychological damage. This is especially the case if the perpetrator was a person whom the child should have been able to trust. The National Association for People Abused in Childhood (NAPAC) offers excellent guidance for all those adults who as children were neglected, or verbally, physically or sexually abused.

Not all children who have suffered child abuse will experience very negative long-term consequences. It will partly depend on the frequency, duration, and severity of the ill-treatment. Some children are more naturally resilient than others; more robust than fragile. Even for those who are badly psychologically damaged, NAPAC says emotional recovery and even thriving is later possible.

What then are the healing factors? How can the survivor gain the self-esteem and self-confidence needed to form trusting relationships, and lead a psychologically healthy life?

Therapy for child abuse

An important vehicle for healing is the therapy work of people able and wanting to help. Often it is not so much the type of therapy or counselling that is important as the personal connection between the practitioner and the survivor on the healing journey.

One needs a safe place to talk. There has to be a good chance for the development of trust in the therapist. What is talked about will also be out of one's comfort zone, and will very likely be hard work for the therapist as well as the client.

Within a confidential relationship one can hopefully untangle the web of confusion created by the past manipulation and lies of the abuser. Confused questions can be addressed:

• Why did I keep going back to that person if I knew it was wrong?
• My body reacted to the sexual stimulation, so how can I call it abuse?
• I hate them for what they did and yet I still love them...
• Why can't I remember the details? Did I imagine it?

Guilt arising from child abuse

Freedom from experiencing guilt comes from seeing the words and actions of the perpetrator through rational adult eyes rather than through the eyes of a child. This means taking into account that children naturally:

• Trust people older than themselves,
• Love attention and compete for it
• Love sweets, presents, outings and other treats
• Do not know the law
• Are protective towards people and animals they love
• Often believe that what is happening to them is normal
• Do not like getting into trouble

Those adults who are willing to exploit the vulnerable can so easily take advantage of this simple outlook of children. They tell the child lies from the position of authority, combine abuse with giving attention, threaten punishment and so on.

Freedom and rationality

According to many spiritual thinkers, the soul brings to the mind a faculty of inner freedom and rationality. Hence, for the adult who had experienced child abuse, gaining relevant knowledge and ideas offers the possibility of using these faculties to make important choices.

Seeing one's options for personal change more clearly means one feels less hindered in being who one wants to be. For example the option to see oneself not as damaged goods but as a wounded human being; instead of thinking "I hate myself", using the phrase "I am okay with me".

Another choice is whether to stop blaming oneself for the abuse that one experienced when a child. The alternative is to continue to take some responsibility for what someone else did.

Those suffering child abuse learn mistrust. They see the world as an undependable, unpredictable, and possibly a dangerous place. We all require warmth and encouragement but those who did not get sufficient of these during childhood need human affection during subsequent years if they are to ever feel accepted and valued.

A part of the healing process is insight gained into how one's life needs to change if one is to increase the chances of finding lasting quality relationships, love and a sense of emotional security and well-being.

For example the abuse that the now adult experienced as a child could result in:

• Isolation and feeling different from everyone else,
• Mistrust of others or of oneself,
• Being self-destructive or sabotaging anything good in life,
• Emotional insecurity,
• Being easily riled to anger,
• Anxiety,
• Self-pity,
• Rebellion against authority,
• Fear of judgement from other people,
• Guilt or shame,

The individual cannot change the fact that the child abuse happened, but can change the impact it has on him or her today.

Potential personal growth after child abuse

I would like to suggest that hidden within each of us is a hunger for a nourishment that is more profound than food or emotional comfort.

"Spiritual food consists in knowledge, intelligence, and wisdom. These are what quicken and also sustain (those)... who desire them and have an appetite for them as men desire and have an appetite for food when they are very hungry." (Emanuel Swedenborg, spiritual philosopher)

According to the view of Swedenborg, our divine Source implants in us, without our awareness, a desire to know about and understand the deeper side of life. This would include self-insight and appreciation of human virtues and vice, right and wrong, wisdom and foolishness.

You might wonder if such a searching state of mind interested in the truth about life might be destroyed by negative and irrational thinking associated with mistrust, fear, and self-denigration; thoughts and feelings associated with child abuse.

Swedenborg wrote about inner qualities of the mind:

* trusting innocence,

* appetite for spiritual nourishment,

* rationality

* inner freedom.

I would say that bad experiences cover up these qualities until later circumstances in the person's life enable them to emerge and become functional.

In other words, deep within every human soul, there is an uplifting energy which can provide us with potential courage to face up to what is bad in ourselves, to look at what is meaningful with clear understanding, to search for a higher purpose.

There are those who can release this healing force. They are people with whom the individual confides, such as therapists, who have the appropriate personal skills and qualities.

The result can be new confidence, new trust and new hope. With help all suffering individuals, if they wish, can bravely explore the truth about themselves and the opportunities available for living life to the full.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Child-Abuse---Why-Is-Healing-Possible?&id=9831816

Parents And Children's Behavior - Points to Ponder

At home little things are even more important. The behaviors of parents and children have its profound effect. It makes huge difference in parents and children's personality and psychology. Scholar's view in the following paragraph is self-explanatory:

"The beginning of both spouse and child abuse can be found in seemingly insignificant things, such as belittling the abilities and competency of another, constantly criticizing, being insulting or calling names, refusing to communicate, manipulating, causing guilt fleeing, repeatedly making and breaking promises, intimidating, threatening physical harm, making unfolded accusations, or destroying property."

It is a two-way traffic and has its impact evidently in their respective lives both positively and negatively. The point to ponder is to understand individual's rights and responsibilities. They both need to execute it emphatically and judiciously. Any deviation and distortion from the right path at the behest of materialistic gain will deeply affect them alike. A word of caution, they must think out of the box to comprehend the reality of life and its meaning the context of creation.

It is a fact that people learn from their mistakes and failures rather from their success. This particular experience becomes a tool to shape up own house and impart rich culture to younger generations. The transformation of constructive attributes will positively show improvement in personality. It then teaches them that respect is earned through command and not by demand. Here, it is important to emphasize that The Holy Quran highlights 'Dignity' apart from respect. This is the crucial and cardinal intersection that catapults the youth into the orbit of knowledge and wisdom. It gives parents a sense of pride to see their offspring achieve success and fame.

The youth will then be exposed to new vistas of behavior, which follows the foot-steps of wise people and becomes the beacon of light to others. This is the after-effects of adopting and molding individual's personality into meaningful ways. He not only improves upon self but also gathers others into the umbrella of sense and sensibility. At this point, the youth takes over the mantle and starts learning advancement of knowledge and its application. The self-confidence makes him strong and determined in self-improvement and also contributing to the society. It ultimately leads to development of the mind, which synchronizes with self-improvement and personality development.

There are many tools available to achieve success affecting different people in varying circumstances. Steve Tobak says that it is not intrinsic characteristic or personal habits that determine success or failure. It is your behavior. It means; it is an individual's discipline both in home and in working environments. It reflects your attitude, commitments and flexibility to understand and execute the values.

Analyzing the above scenario objectively will focus our mind on the existing circumstances in our society. The life is progressing with an accelerating pace forcing parents and children a daunting task to meet both the ends. It develops cracks in the delicate fabric of family relationship. Both expect more commitments from each other. Hence strained relationship, and families started to drift and seek solace somewhere else. This is the focal point where parents need to inculcate values in children and make them realize where to draw the line. The children need to understand their position and avoid excesses thereby losing their balance in life.

Parents should also realize that children during this era are exposed to more avenues to learn and understand ethical values. Parents who are ignorant of new vistas of knowledge expose lack experience. Their stagnant intelligence and rigidity in life are depriving their appreciation to gauge the situation. It then, denies the necessity to listen and understand to their children's mind. Of-course, their rich experience can be shared with children who in turn analyze it and adopt those values. Healthy interaction and critical discussion with each other objectively can be of great value to both.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Parents-And-Childrens-Behavior---Points-to-Ponder&id=9722772

Adult Survivors of Child Abuse: How to Prevent Being Re-Victimized

You are no longer that scared little child who was subjected to the sick machinations of adults who abused you. You are no longer that child who had to shut up and be seen, not heard. You are no longer afraid. You are now a strong person who cannot and will not allow anyone to take advantage of you the way they did when you were a child.

As such, you now have the presence of mind and booming strength to cut off and stay away from monsters, which is anyone who wants to send you back to that time so they can twist you up, twist up what you went through to make you start doubting what happened. You are now strong as the Rock of Gibraltar Adult.

So now that you are now a strong, kick-ass Adult and there are poisonous people trying to do that to you, can you imagine the children who are most vulnerable to the abuse and machinations of adults? Can you imagine what they are going through? Actually, you don't have to imagine, because you now know what it feels like to have those same adults try to get inside your head to twist up your mind. Sadly and disgustingly, that is what adults do to children to get them to shut up and not bring shame to the family name.

Those children were forced to suffer in silence to protect the family and to protect the abuser because he maybe some prominent official, a religious figure, close friend of the family or he may even be a family member. The abuse is swept under the rug to protect the family name. As an adult you can now fight for those children and even fight for adults who are still suffering.

Take your mental health far away from those adults who are trying to twist up your mind to make you believe that you are lying or that what happened is your perception or imagination. The same is done to children. They are accused of lying just because the adult does not want to believe it about that person, especially if they are married to that person or for the fact that if they acknowledge the child they would have to acknowledge the abuse they had suffered.

Sadly, that may have been how they were manipulated into believing and was programmed to protect others at their own expense and so they suffer in silence and they believe the crap that was spewed at them and now they are trying to get you to believe and swallow that same crap.

And of course with you opening up and talking about what you went through it is forcing them to confront their own pain and they don't want that. So they will spew out the same crap that was spewed at them to get you to shut up. They will even slyly go to others to spew that same crap so that people who don't have much strength and understanding and who were taught the same crap, will try to shut you down. Or they go and ask the abuser if he did what you said.

Now you tell me, which abuser will admit to that? What domestic violence perpetrator and or rapist will admit to what they did? All that is doing is raping the victim all over again. Which is sick and disgusting. Only spiteful individuals who are in pain and is living in fear will accuse you of enjoying talking about yourself. Do not let them deter you from your path and your purpose.

Do not let them force you back to being a child who had to sacrifice their innocence to protect the family. No child should ever have to go through all that. No child should be prepped by a family member or a friend of the family to be raped. NONE!! Yes, molestation is rape. It is the rape of a child's innocence.

You have to be strong and have a rock-solid mind to stand firm against those individuals and not allow them to beat you into submission. You are opening up about what you went through to give a voice to so many who went through the same thing and had to suffer in silence. It is your selflessness, strength and courage that will help others to stand up against the abusers.

It will help adults to start looking out more closely at their own children to protect them and keep them safe. Allow no one to force you to shut up about your life. And yes, you have a deeper knowledge about how abuse affects individuals. You have healed a lot of what you went through and now you are stronger for it and so you can now speak out and infuse that strength into other victims. You know what signs to look out for in children and in adults. Continue being an advocate, continue sharing your life, your healing and your strength and you will be a beacon of light to others.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Adult-Survivors-of-Child-Abuse:-How-to-Prevent-Being-Re-Victimized&id=9271920

Ten Skills to Manage Fear and Anxiety in an Unsafe World

Psychology skills to help you calm down and move back to the positive.

What do we, as a society do to keep ourselves safe from the disturbed among us? How can we provide more support and education to families so as to reduce child abuse and family violence that provide breeding grounds for psychopathy? Do we need to take another look at our gun control policies, or lack of them? These are longer-term questions. In the short-term, we all seek to restore a sense of safety, meaning, and predictability to our individual and family lives. With the holidays approaching, we want to be able to celebrate without being overwhelmed by guilt or sadness.

Below are some things you can do to help yourself cope with this tragedy. It is important to spend time and energy strengthening your internal resources, so you can feel safer and more competent in dealing with difficult or traumatic personal and societal events.

(1)  Accept Your Feelings

Realize that events of this magnitude take time to process. Even if you were not directly affected, exposure to constant media coverage can be traumatizing. Give yourself time to feel sad or introspective. These are normal reactions.

(2) Re-establish Your Usual Routines.

Don’t spend all day watching news coverage. Sleep, exercise, healthy eating, pleasant activities, time with friends and family, yoga or  meditation can strengthen your internal resources to cope.

(3) Create a Mental Safe Place

Mentally create a peaceful and relaxing setting in your mind to help you de-stress. Deliberately focus on each sense at a time. What do you see, hear, smell, and feel in this real or imaginary haven of peace?

(4) Find Self-Compassion

Treat yourself and your own feelings with tenderness and compassion. Do not push feelings away. Rather find or create a comforting environment in which to feel them. This may be with a friend or family member, while taking a bath, or while listening to soothing music. Mindfulness meditation, with its dual focus on observing the breath and letting sensations come up, provides an excellent way of looking at feelings while remaining anchored in the present.

(5) Create a Narrative

Write a narrative of how you found out about the event, the details that upset you, and your thoughts and feelings. Writing helps you to organize your reactions into a narrative that makes your reactions clearer and more understandable. “When we name it, we can tame it.”

(6) Seek Support and Connection

Reach out to others who can provide support and comfort. If you need to talk about your feelings, choose a person who can listen and be with you as you struggle with anxiety. Stay away from people who minimize your feelings and tell you to “Get over it.”  Research shows social support is one of the most important predictive factors in preventing post-traumatic stress disorder, following a trauma.

(7) Turn to the Positive

Remind yourself that although the world contains much suffering and cruelty, it also contains much that is good. Deliberately think about the positive and uplifting things in your own life and community.Think about the freedoms and opportunities you have that many in the world have not. Focus on the strengths and coping strategies you have developed and the people you can turn to for help if you need it.

(8) Recommit to Your Most Important Values

Think about your most important personal or spiritual  values, including love for family, non-violence, compassion, integrity, hard work, and so on. How does your current life reflect these values? Make a list of your values and some concrete things you can do in the next week or month to make them an even more important part of your life. If you have a family, arrange a time to sit and talk about your family’s most important values. Make a poster, list, or vision board reflecting these and post it in an area your family regularly uses. When a family member makes a contribution or has an achievement that reflects these values, celebrate it!

(9) Feel Gratitude

Focus on the people in your life, past and present, that have provided you with protection, nurturance, or love. Bring to mind an image of yourself with that person. Focus on how you feel in that person’s presence. Then think about the gratitude you feel for what that person has given you. Find a concrete way to express that gratitude, through demonstrations of affection, a letter, a gift, or just telling them you appreciate them.

(10) Do Something Constructive

Channel your anger and outrage into constructive activities to help improve the situation. This may include sending letters of support to the victims, volunteering at local shelters, writing letters to the editors of local papers, or lobbying politicians for the needed changes on a societal level. Taking action can combat feelings of helplessness or guilt and can contribute to increasing safety or goodness in the world.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201212/ten-skills-manage-fear-and-anxiety-in-unsafe-world