Clearing The Castle

Life is hard enough as it is without having a place to retreat to. Your home is your castle. That is why I believe it is so important to keep it peaceful and balanced. Without a place that you feel safe in, you never really get the opportunity to unwind and decompress. I like to feel that your home, your castle is a sacred place. So the importance of clearing it takes on a new meaning.

Have you ever gotten sick while you were traveling? It's the worst. The first thought that so many of us have is we want to be home. Why is that? It's because somehow we feel comfortable, in control in our own environment. I have been fortunate enough to have traveled quite a bit. And there comes a point when you just crave home, no matter how much fun or how nice the place you are visiting. We all know that famous line, "There's no place like home".

So what do I mean when I say clearing the castle? Exactly what it sounds like. Clearing it off all the things that take away the peace, joy and comfort one needs to relax and reflect in. Holding this space as sacred as life itself. So how do you clear the castle? Here are a few tips that I have found to be helpful.

1. Your castle doesn't need to be meticulous, but it should at least be organized. Knowing where everything is, or at least the area in general will save on time and confusion. If you share your castle with another, it gets a bit more complicated. Which leads us to the next tip.

2. Have your own space in your shared space. I have been with my wife for 15 years at the time of this writing. What is interesting to so many people is, when they find out that when we travel, we both have our own bedrooms and bathrooms. Although we have connecting rooms, this allows for each of us to completely relax. We are generally on different sleep schedules so this provides the space to sleep without interruption. It also allows for us to have separate TV's should we find we're in different show mode, or if one of us want to read in quiet. And finally, there is no competing for a bathroom. Same holds true for our castle. We both keep our own space.

3. When sharing a castle, be mindful of the energy. You know those one hundred and one things that your partner does to irritate you? Try your best not to bring them up. Be it dirty clothes on the floor, leaving lights on or dishes in the sink. If its going to be a nightly discussion that turns into an argument, leave it alone. Would you rather be right, or rested? Hence having your own space.

4. Get rid of all the things you no longer use, want or need. I once read a book years ago that said if you do not use an item in a year, get rid of it. I'm a little more practical. But, if you're holding on to clothes for example, that you have not worn in 5 years, ask yourself if you really need it, or can you make space for the new?

5. Design your castle how you want to feel. Mine is set up for comfort and convenience. I'm a fan of art, music and spiritual things. You will not find a room in my castle that does not have 2 if not all 3. This speaks to both my wife and I. It represents how we want to feel. No matter what the day holds for us, when we come home the castle is clean, comfortable and peaceful.

Like it or not we all are a product of our environment. There are so many things beyond our control. So, what you can control, you should control. This is your castle. Be it you're renting a room from someone, or you own your own home. Those 4 walls that contain you hold power. There are numerous studies to suggest just that.

A little thing like decorating, cleaning or clearing the castle can pay huge dividends to your life. Make the effort. It does not require a lot of money, if any at all. So remember the next time you're having an awful day or counting down the hours at work, think "there's no place like home".

http://ezinearticles.com/?Clearing-The-Castle&id=9755985

How To Get What You Want With Three Words (By Pam Bauer)

A friend of mine got married last month. As her wedding approached, the question of what to wear loomed large. She didn't want to wear a traditional wedding dress.

A few weeks before the wedding, she went shopping with some friends. They tried bridal boutiques and department stores but she came home empty-handed. Her friends vetoed the dresses she chose; she disliked the dresses they selected.

She was disappointed and frustrated. She doesn't like shopping and didn't have time to traipse all over the city. She dreaded continuing the search.

I wanted to help, but I live 1,000 miles away. What could I do? I asked her this question: What three words describe how you want to feel in your dress on your wedding day?

She paused, then spoke: Comfortable. Elegant. Celebratory.

Ah-ha! That's the dress she's looking for: the dress that feels comfortable, elegant and celebratory. With these three words in mind, she went back to a store she'd visited on her shopping trip and purchased a dress she'd tried on but left behind.

I wasn't surprised. When she was shopping with her well-meaning friends, their ideas of what a wedding dress should look like overwhelmed her own wisdom about what she wanted.

That's the power of three words. They get to the heart of what you wish for and become a GPS to help you navigate the bewildering possibilities in order to find the best option for you.

The key to success with three words is asking yourself how you'll feel when you have what you desire. No matter what it is we want, what we really want is the feeling that the desired result will generate.

Rather than the thing itself, it's the experience of the thing that we seek.

By tapping into those feelings in advance, articulating words to describe them and using the words to guide your choices, you tune out distracting noise (others' opinions, social media trends, companies with gigantic advertising budgets) and avoid buyer's remorse (when what you thought you wanted ends up disappointing).

It's a simple, yet powerful, method to lead you toward fulfilling your dreams.

Want to apply the three words strategy to your life? Here's how:

1. Think of something you want. This can be something you want to acquire (like my friend's wedding dress) or it can be a goal (like a new year's resolution).
2. Imagine the result. What would your life be like if you achieved this? Let you mind fill in as many details as possible of the experience.
3. Generate your three words. What does your imagined result feel like?
4. Look around. What people, places, things, events, or activities can be described by your words? Go forth and bring them into your life.

Let your three words be your guide. They may take you in a direction you didn't expect but it's going to be toward a more fulfilling and satisfying life.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Get-What-You-Want-With-Three-Words&id=9381743

7 Keys to a Flawless Conversation

How to start, continue and end a talk

The ability to hold a natural conversation is key to success in the professional world. Knowing when to initiate a discussion, keeping it interesting by asking effective questions, sharing your own stories and ending dialogue with kindness is an art.

So, are you a smooth talker? Learn how to create connections in conversations by following these seven steps:

1. Exude confidence. When you’re comfortable in your own skin, you make others comfortable. If you take the attitude that you bring something to the table, you will see that attitude reflected in others. Remember: Enthusiasm is infectious.

2. Show up with something to say. Always be on the lookout for material. Although it may sound contrived, I read The Wall Street Journal looking for interesting, timely information that I can share at my next get-together: a party, association meeting or business affair. Think about keeping a file that you can review before your next event.

3. Begin with a question. Besides showing interest in someone, one simple question can start an entire conversation. Asking something a bit unusual sets you apart from the crowd. Rather than, “What do you do?” ask, “How do you enjoy spending your weekends?”

4. Find common ground. The surest way to build rapport is to find something you have in common and build on that interest. Don’t shy away from topics that have nothing to do with business. They often create the perfect connection.

5. Focus on others. Putting your energy and interest in another person marks you as a great conversationalist. Englishman Raymond Mortimer once described the art of conversation in the United States as “not tennis, in which you return the other fellow’s serve, but golf, in which you go on hitting your own ball.” Keep that back and forth volley going with conversation.

6. Be inclusive. Excluding others in the group is a conversation killer. Make eye contact with everyone in the group, not just the person who asked you a direct question.

7. Close a conversation with class. When a conversation naturally lulls, take advantage and say, “It’s been a pleasure talking with you. I hope our paths cross again soon.” Before leaving, be sure to thank the hosts.

http://www.success.com/article/7-keys-to-a-flawless-conversation

5 Ways to Reframe Failure

Imagine yourself…

…messing up during a big presentation.

…blowing the job interview.

…watching the project you worked so hard on go up in smoke.

Just picturing any one of those scenarios can make our pulses rise and our stomachs fall. This is because we, as humans, dread failure. The anticipation of it can lead to stress, anxiety, anger, shame, regret—all of which can get in the way of pursuing the lives we want to lead.

Take this: Some people might long for a career boost—a new challenge, a promotion, even starting a business—but the fear of failing keeps them from taking the risks needed to effect that change. So instead they hold back, reluctant to give 100 percent, and others are so paralyzed by fear that they never even try.

Embarrassment about failure can bring people to dwell on the details, maybe even berate themselves over the outcome. I think of this as rubbing salt in a wound. It hurts, and it prevents healing.

So why not reframe this concept of failure?

As a clinical psychologist, I specialize in helping entrepreneurs get out of their own way so they can have the successful businesses they want. One client came in distraught that he hadn’t landed a big account he’d worked so hard to get.

“I did everything I could,” he told me. “I put hours into that presentation—even bought a new suit, spent time and money I didn’t have. Now I’m back at square one.”

I asked him why he thought he didn’t get the account. With a look of annoyance he responded, “Because I wasn’t good enough.”

I probed him for further possible reasons. This was a bold move considering his level of frustration, but I hoped to uncover what was really at play here. “I don’t know. Because they never wanted to work with us to begin with and were just stringing me along.”

We continued this process. After imagining numerous possible explanations, my client realized, “I guess I don’t really know why they turned us down.”

Bingo.

Sure, not getting the outcome you want can be tough. I’m not pretending otherwise. The key, though, is to not let this setback keep you from moving forward.

And by the way, it’s not failure—it’s data.

Remember high school science? The scientific method is all about failure. Sometimes the findings are consistent with the hypothesis and sometimes not. So you note which ingredients or measurements didn’t produce the desired result, and you try again with different ones—taking a different approach.

It’s not failure—it’s data.

It’s from trying and failing again and again that so many things worth achieving have been accomplished, from Alexander Graham Bell trial-and-erroring his way to inventing the telephone to Ferdinand Zeppelin achieving flight, after many attempts.

So, how can you use “failure” to your advantage? Try these five steps:

1. Stop judging.

Silence your inner critic. What happened happened. Forgive yourself and others—shame and resentment only hold you back. So instead of dwelling on the past, focus on what you can do in the present and the future. It ddoesn'thave to be perfect. Nothing is perfect. Just learn from what happened and continue to improve

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2. Focus on WHY. 

Like a determined, unbiased detective, explore and list all the possible reasons the outcome occurred. This vital collection of data will help craft your next approach.

If you can, try to determine what precise variables created the outcome. For example, when my client went through this process, he chose to swallow his pride and ask his point person why he lost the big account. What he learned helped him land his next three accounts.

3. Get comfortable being uncomfortable.

 Fear of failure can cause paralysis—from over analyzing but never plunging, from staying within the realm of certainty. But powerful change doesn't usually occur in the comfort zone. So take a chance, make a calculated leap…. Allow yourself to get into a state of discomfort. That is the only way you can fulfil your potential.

4. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.

No one reaches the finish line on the first try. Your path will have its ups and downs, too. Don’t dwell on each 100-meter sprint; focus on your long-term goal.

5. Acknowledge your progress.

 Try to ditch any all-or-nothing thinking you might be guilty of. What does that mean? “I haven’t succeeded yet” is not the same as “I failed.” If you’re halfway through running a marathon, should you criticize yourself for the miles you haven’t yet covered? No! You acknowledge the tremendous progress you’ve already made—and you keep going. And before you know it, you’ll be more than halfway there.

Don’t let fear stop you from fulfilling your goals. And don’t settle for the safe plan. Learn from the past to create the present and future you desire. 

http://www.success.com/blog/5-ways-to-reframe-failure