Are Meditation and Mindfulness Dangerous?

When I began meditating in 1984, most people I talked to about it would stare at me blankly, then quickly change the subject or shake their head and walk away. These days, discussions of meditation and mindfulness appear everywhere from business and medical journals, to addiction and trauma recovery groups, to education conferences. In this article, you'll learn why so many are turning to these techniques and how to avoid common misconceptions, dangers, and potential pitfalls.

By recent reports, you might think meditation and mindfulness are a "panacea" (cure all) for everything that ails you. Programs are sprouting up in hospitals for pain management, in prisons for inmate reform, and in military, police, and emergency response settings to help handle intense situations and recover from PTSD.

These techniques are used as a support in psychotherapy-for addiction and trauma recovery, defusing self-sabotage, increasing self-awareness, and taming self-criticism. They are increasingly sought after for dealing with the stress of living in our fast-paced, threat-sensitive world. To feed this demand, countless apps promise to bestow the benefits of these practices at the push of a button.

Yet, with the rise in popularity of mindfulness and meditation, I've begun to see some contrarian headlines, such as "New Study Shows Meditation Doesn't Make You Happier, More Creative," "Meditation Not a Panacea," or "Christians Should Be Wary of Meditation."

As a meditation teacher, I hear beginning students say things like:

• "Meditation was supposed to be relaxing-but it made me irritated."

• "Meditation was supposed to feel good, but it made me more stressed out."

• "I thought meditation would help me sleep, but it gave me nightmares."

• "I thought meditation was supposed to help me accept myself, but it made me more self-critical."

• "I am more aware of my impulsiveness than ever. How is this helping me?"

What's going on here?

(Hint: Meditation doesn't "make these things happen." It reveals them. Meditation and mindfulness make you more aware of what's happening in your subconscious mind.)

Let's demystify meditation and mindfulness by defining them clearly, so you can assess their function and effectiveness, understand misconceptions, and avoid dangers and potential pitfalls.

Meditation and Mindfulness Defined

By meditation I mean, "Mindfully focusing your attention on a specific focal object for a period of time." It's about training your mind to consciously focus your attention. It's that straightforward.

A focal object in meditation can be the sensations of breathing, a mantra or focusing phrase, the stream of your thoughts and feelings, the presence of God, a blank wall, or a candle flame. Focusing on chosen focal objects develops your ability to pay attention, be present, and fully engage with what you are doing.

"Mindfully" in the definition means that you exercise "mindfulness" during meditation. Mindfulness means, "paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, without judgment." In other words, you adopt the attitude of a curious observer, just noticing what is happening without judging it as "good or bad." A non-judgmental attitude enables you to see more clearly, instead of reacting from fear, bias, or prejudice-which distort insight.

To sum up, "meditation" is an attention-training technique and "mindfulness" is an effective attitude for practicing this technique. You could also say that meditation is an opportunity to practice mindfulness. Together, meditation and mindfulness give you a deeper understanding of how your mind works.

Here's how it goes in practice:

As you meditate on a specific focal object, you notice moments when your mind wanders off to other things-such as an argument you had yesterday, a childhood memory, a presentation you have later today, or what you might have for lunch. Mindfulness enables you to recognize when and where your mind wanders, accept this as something a busy mind does, and gently return your attention to your chosen focal object.

During meditation, you will have a whole host of different thoughts and feelings. Some may feel good: some may scare you. Mindfulness treats them all the same-as passing bits of information. Using mindfulness, you come to realize that all thoughts and feelings come and go. They offer information, but they are no more substantial than that. They are nothing to be afraid of when you approach them mindfully. This insight can free you from anxiety about what is going on inside you.

The 3Rs of Meditation

I call the process of managing your mind during meditation the 3Rs: Recognize, Release, and Return. You recognize when you have wandered from your point of focus, release paying attention to that "distraction," and return to your chosen object of attention. It's that simple.

However, like any learned skill, it can be challenging at first. You may find your mind wanders most of the time. You may find yourself caught up in negative thoughts and feelings. You may find yourself irritated, self-critical, bored, or wondering if you're doing it right-or if you're doing anything at all!

That's OK. Recognizing all of this is part of meditation. Meditation increases awareness. You do this by mindfully focusing your attention, recognizing and accepting what your mind does, releasing distractions, and returning to your chosen focus-again and again and again.

As you repeat this process, you develop a sense of ease with managing your thoughts and feelings and a freedom to choose what you focus on and what you release. By practicing mindfulness during meditation, you grow your ability to relate to all kinds of moments in your life with greater freedom and ease.

Further Benefits of Practice

As you meditate for a period of time (say 10-20 minutes) consistently, your mind quiets down, your emotions calm, and your body relaxes. You de-pressurize, let go of over-thinking, and release built-up stress. As you release stress, energy is freed up that your body and mind use to recover, repair, integrate, and heal.

You start to feel like yourself again. You realize that "who you are" is much more than "the chatter" in your mind or the emotions that can "take you over." You are a deeper witnessing presence who "has" thoughts, feelings, and experiences, but is not defined by them. This can be a life-altering discovery!

These benefits don't happen because you are trying to clear your mind, they happen as a result of practicing the 3Rs. As you practice consistently, you develop the skills of recognizing where your mind is focused, releasing what is not serving you or others, and returning to what matters most.

These are invaluable skills that serve you in anything you want to do, overcome, or accomplish. I would go so far as to say they are fundamental skills you need to live your life well. Why, then, weren't you taught these essential skills in school when you were young? Regardless of the reasons, at any age, you can learn them with a few simple instructions, insight into how they work, and consistent practice.

Personally, I like to practice first thing in the morning. For much of my life, I woke up feeling anxious about what I had to do in the day ahead. Yet, now, no matter how I feel when I wake up, I feel relaxed and centered after my morning practice. I have a calm reference point I can return to when I get irritated or stressed out, caught up in negativity, or feel overwhelmed by what's happening in the world around me.

Why Meditation and Mindfulness Are Especially Important These Days

Today there are infinite demands on our time, energy, and attention-and they call to us 24/7-making us feel as if we always need to be doing something productive. We feel compelled to respond instantly on social media and gather a steady stream of tantalizing bits of information to keep us informed and amused. Even entertainment becomes a "must-do" as we feel compelled to binge-watch to get "caught up" on as much enjoyment as possible in our "free-time."

Yet always being "on the go" is not healthy.

Our bodies and brains are not made to run in constant overdrive. We are designed to engage in activity, then to rest and recover from what we've done. In our downtime, our body repairs itself, integrates all that we've experienced, and heals cellular damage we've sustained.

If we don't honor this balance, our systems go haywire. We get exhausted, hold increasing levels of tension in our bodies, and become persistently anxious or depressed. In this "overcooked" state, we invite the host of chronic illnesses like cancer, heart disease, and auto-immune disorders that are epidemic.

Meditation is a structured time-out from all this activity, so you can focus inwardly, rest, and recover. At first, it may feel like "doing nothing," but, as we've seen, the process is a gentle, yet active, training of your mind. It allows you to step back from the frantic pace of life, consciously unwind, and observe what's going on inside.

Meditation and mindfulness reveal your inner workings. They uncover the subconscious biases that lead to arguments, poor judgment, and bad decisions. They shine a light on habits that drive unwanted results in your life. They help you more objectively observe what you are doing, so you can consciously choose healthy habits and let go of unhealthy ones.

Maybe most importantly for us in this hyper-driven consumer culture, they encourage us to slow down, take a deep breath, and pay attention to the relationships, gifts, and opportunities we already have, rather than always trying to be, have, and do more.

Conclusion: Are Meditation and Mindfulness Dangerous?

Are meditation and mindfulness dangerous? Yes. They threaten to make you more conscious and intentional. They are dangerous to your negative thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and beliefs. They release the stifling grip of fear, bias, and prejudice. They shine a light on what needs to change.

By practicing mindfulness in meditation, you learn to evaluate all sides of any situation more objectively, so you can make better decisions. You recognize what no longer serves you and others, so you can shift your time, energy, and attention to what does. And, you become more present, focused, and fully engaged in your experiences, so you live a richer, more purposeful life.

So, let me ask you, "Do you have a regular Meditation/Mindfulness practice?" If so, please share what works well for you.

If you appreciate this article, please Share with your family, friends, and co-workers using the social media buttons.

Enjoy your practice!

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8 Reasons to Stop Worrying Now

Worrying...

1. Consumes energy. Devote all that energy to yourself instead of investing in creating and accumulating adrenaline and cortisol.
2. Results in sleeping problems. You need the rest to face whatever it is that really ends up happening in the future.
3. Focuses on the future. Instead of living here, today, you're so focused on the future that you have no time to enjoy the now.
4. The future is unknown. Therefore, you're focused on something that doesn't exist. How many times did you worry about something that never ended up happening, at least the way you feared it would?
5. Consumes time. You spend many hours worrying. By the time you manage to return to something that is not worrying you, a lot of time has elapsed; time that could have been used more productively or to have more fun.
6. Blocks you. When you try to redirect your mind to something else, your mind goes back to the issue that's worrying you over and over again, thus blocking you from doing anything else.
7. Distracts you. By diverting your attention from other things, you can't fully focus on them. The issue that worries you distracts you from other, more immediate topics.
8. Produces anxiety. Focusing on something that has no solution (and nothing in the future really does) only leads to increased levels of anxiety from a lack of resolution and uncertainty.

Next time you find yourself worrying over something, ask yourself what you're achieving. Isn't there anything else you'd rather be doing or thinking about?

If you really need to PLAN, there are better ways of doing it. These are a few of the tips I recommend you consider when planning in order to stop worrying:

1. Set a goal. What is it that you need to plan? What will you make you feel you actually have a plan? Define what your real objective is and what steps you're going to take to reach it.
2. Set your limits. What level of detail do you need to plan? How much improvisation and adaptation will you allow yourself? One can plan and plan and plan, always looking to define more and more details. But there comes a time in which that level of detail is not realistic anymore, as chances are that our plans will not happen the way we're imagining. So, how far into the details do you want to go?
3. Allocate a fixed amount of time. What is the maximum time you're giving yourself to plan this? Set a fixed time and don't go over that time, even if you didn't finish your plan. If more time is needed, decide when you will work on your plan again, and for how long. In between working times, no planning is allowed. You will only plan during those pre-assigned times.
4. Then relax. Once you have a plan, accept that life might change it. After all, we can't look into the future and life has this habit of surprising us... But for now, you do have a plan. It's the best plan you could make. Follow the steps you planned and allow yourself a little improvisation on the way. The rest of the time, just relax. Whenever worrying thoughts come to your mind again, remind yourself that you already have a plan.

Enjoy life... ALL of it,

Humanology

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Message From the Universe: Looking at Life With a Different Lens

"I wish for you flowers and sunshine, gentle breezes and clear skies, calm seas and rainbows. But, perhaps most of all, I wish for you the glorious breadth of experiences you are now poised to receive, so that these tidbits are mere icing on the cake of a life that's rich in adventure.

Huge hug,

The Universe"

Stop focusing the on bad things that happens to you and look at the big picture. To make an omelet, you will need to break some eggs. You can't really expect to be successful in life if you do not take any risks. When venturing into something new, we fear that the business wouldn't succeed, or wouldn't make enough money, or whatever other negative thoughts our mind can create. Why not do the opposite? It's not that hard at all. Just a little bit of effort and focus, the rest will come easily. Do not worry about the amount of hours you need to put into work to make it successful as all ventures requires different level of investment on your side. Quality is crucial, even though we focus too much on the quantity of hours we invest and forget what's really important. Work smart, not hard. Be open minded when it comes to different opportunities and see how you can make things better by changing things around. Sometimes all you need is a small tiny change that can make a huge difference in your business. Invest the time to know what that might be and the rest will come easy. Do not despair, the solution to all your problems is right around the corner.

After the rain and storm comes the sunshine and rainbows. We need to live through some storms to enjoy the good times coming into our lives. This is how the concept of appreciation is purposely integrated in our mind. IF all was great all the time, how can you appreciate anything? Same goes for entitlement and how people can feel like they are owed everything because of who they are. Sorry to disappoint you but life doesn't owe anyone anything. By eliminating this concept from your mind, you can start by looking at things differently, with a more positive outlook and be more appreciative to the good things that happens randomly in your life. Remember that everything that happens TODAY is based on thoughts that you had created 6 months ago. Unless you write down every thoughts you have on a daily basis, it can be hard to remember your thoughts from the past. So just make it a habit to eliminate the bad and allow the good thoughts to fill your subconscious mind and eradicate fear at all costs. You want to focus on what you can do today to guarantee your immediate future, either it be for your financial security, or adopting a new exercise regimen to get healthier so you can live a longer and happier life

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4 Effective Techniques To Build Patience

When we're waiting in line at the supermarket or an ATM, when our YouTube video is taking forever to buffer, when you're trying to teach your grandmother the usage of technology or when you're stuck in traffic on your way to work. Does picturing yourself in these situations enrage you?

If the answer to that was yes, then you're on the right page. The one characteristic that we lose foremost in trivial situations, is patience.

We tend to say and do things we regret in haste, out of pure restlessness or lack of composure. While there are plenty of consequences to being impatient, maintaining peace within, learning to stay calm or controlling the restless within is a lot easier. Developing the character trait of patience helps you stay more focused, make better decisions and most importantly it helps you with understanding, empathy and compassion.

Distract yourself: When you're in a situation that makes you feel restless, anxious and impatient, one of the best ways to maintain your inner sanctity is to find a healthy distraction. For example, let's say you're on the road, you're in a hurry and unluckily so, you're stuck in a traffic jam. As a result, you're honking, looking at the cars on the opposite side drive by or counting down for the traffic signals to change.

Let me tell you that this is not going to help. Focusing in-depth on the activity that's triggering impatience within, isn't going to make it go away. Instead, the next time you find yourself stuck in a jam, pull your mobile up and check your mails or go through your Social News feeds or maybe turn the volume up and play your favorite song - the traffic is going to clear up before you even know it!

Don't stress over what you can't control: As much as we'd like to believe that we can control everything around us, let's face it - we can't. Every now and then we're going to find ourselves caught up in situations that are far beyond our control. Let's say you just got fired / you're awaiting an exam result or you placed a bid for your favorite painting at an auction.

There's a lot of uncertainty about what the future holds for us in these situations. When we're pushed into scenarios we can't really mold with the mindset that we can control everything - we tend to live in denial, we certainly struggle and it tends to get ugly. The key to being patient in scenarios out of reach is to start developing an understanding that we can't control everything and that's completely okay.

Talk to yourself - listen to your inner voice: As silly as this might sound, at a moment of impatience - there's always a voice in the back of our heads telling us we're being irrational. We tend to mute that voice out whenever the scenario befits us - when what we really should be doing is paying attention to it.

The next time you're about to lose it and yell at you co-worker for messing up - pause for a second and pay attention to the voice within. It's probably saying 'No, don't shout at him. You're going to regret it - everybody is watching.' Our irrational, impulsive side is always overpowering the logical reasoning within us - in the heat of the moment. The voice within you is almost always more composed than your exterior. Pay attention to it. Talk to yourself. Tell yourself to calm down, take a deep breath and let it go.

Recognize when you act on an impulse: When things get heated up, we tend to act on an impulse and later regret it. Let's say you eat a bowl of ice-cream on a whim - despite being on a diet or you trade a stock as soon as the market opens up and later realize that you'd be a lot richer if you held onto your stock for a little while longer.

Acting on an impulse tends to mess situations up more often than never.

The next time you're about to buy ice-cream, you could consciously remind yourself about all the hard work you put in on the diet and stop yourself. The day you realize that the choice you're about to make is impulsive and choose to wait it out is the day you start truly taking a step forward.

Once you're done reading this article, take a moment to think about four things that trigger the impatience within you and match one of the four techniques above to each of those triggers. Remember to practice a technique or two the next time you're on the verge of losing it and I can assure you that you will not lose anything.

Not only will this article tell you how to maintain composure in situations that tend to make you feel impatient, restless and helpless but it will also enable you to understand various techniques on how to truly put the advice you receive into action.

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Message From the Universe: Belief Is What You Need the Most!

"Fascinating, isn't it, how there are those who decide upon living in abundance, and the next thing you know, they're swimming in it.

There are those who think about being more creatively fulfilled, and as if by magic, all the right steps, connections, and inspirations present themselves.

And then there are those who simply want more friends, laughter, and song, and their life becomes a celebration.

Mind you, I didn't say everyone. Some want these things, they even want them real "bad," but they simply don't put themselves within my reach by physically preparing the way, acting "as if," or "buying the shoes."

Buy the shoes -

The Universe"

The belief that it will happen is a crucial element to the equation of success. Like anything else in the Universe, everything in our lives needs balance. Focusing on the belief that everything will happen the way you envisioned is a must for your dreams to manifest. Thinking that you will live in abundance but acting as you are poor will not work. You need to look at things differently. I am not saying to get a second mortgage on your house to buy yourself an exotic car when you barely can afford the first mortgage. You need to inspire your subconscious mind that your actions and belief are in sync throughout your journey of success. Your thoughts will create the path and your actions will get you to your destination. Looking into the horizon and feeling like everything will work out for the best is needed to let the Universe know where to take you from this point forward. Making smart purchases even when you can't afford it is a sign that you trust the Universe well enough that things will happen for the best. Again, I reiterate smart purchases ONLY. Feel like your life is headed in the right direction and look further down your path for exciting opportunities.

The future is scary because it is unknown to everyone. We have no way in knowing what can be expected. Sickness, disabilities, financial ruin can be a part of your lifeline if you allow it to be. Many are too afraid of their imminent success so would be more comfortable for just a normal life. So now, what do you want? Something normal or very scary success? Are you ready for it? Are you willing to go that extra mile where no one is willing to venture out? What are you ready to do so you can experience that ultimate success? You would be surprised as to how many people can't handle the sudden success because you can't really prepare for it. Being prepared for success means that you already thought the "as if" you were already successful when you weren't. You acted as you were so when it did happen, you were able to handle it accordingly. That is how people stay successful when it does happen. They visualized all of their steps to reaching their goals and dreams. There were no doubts, no second guessing, no feeling of remorse or fear. They just knew it would happen and it did. So, if it happened to them, why not you?

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Optimize Your Business Results by Igniting Motivation and Focusing on Your Mission

There's nothing like a crystallized Mission to clear your vision and help you focus on only the relevant tasks that will make that overriding goal a reality. By first defining a Mission Statement that you can wholeheartedly commit to and identify with, you protect yourself against the Time Bandits like Uncertainty and Busy Work that will leech away your energy and concentration.

Now, many in our business break their Mission down into two statements: one defines their purpose and the other is their personal motivator that gets them up in the morning.

For example:

My Mission is...

To make the buying and selling of real estate as cost-effective as possible, while maintaining the highest level of service. To provide accurate and up-to-date information, skilled analysis and sound real estate advice. To continually explore new ideas and technology, to make the selling and buying of real estate faster, less costly, and easier for the consumer.

My Future Vision is...

To be the leading Real Estate Agent from North to South Richmond, always exceeding my customers' expectations and providing them with a totally positive service experience.

In short: to provide the best service and to be recognized for it.

You'll notice that neither statement mentions money. Do you wonder why?

Money doesn't motivate. What you can do with it might, at least for a while, but ultimately there has to be more to life if you're going to keep enjoying what you do and being rewarded for it.

Enjoying the business is motivating. Learning new things, interacting with positive people, putting together creative deals - now, that's motivating. Not wasting your time on extraneous tasks is motivating. And, if you conquer those goals, you'll be a success and LOVE doing it.

Let's take a look at how you can optimize your time and stay excited in this business:

Define Your Mission to Reflect Your Goals and Values: What do you want your business to achieve? How do want people to think of you? Don't get sidetracked by focusing on how much you can make or how soon you can retire - those ideas won't sustain success. Instead, concentrate on developing your company as a complementary reflection of the best version of yourself. As an agent, you're in the business of helping people come home. You facilitate them in achieving the life they want and, along the way, you reap the rewards within your own life.

Once you are clear about your goals and direction, you will save yourself inordinate amounts of time. From this point forward, when faced with a new decision, you can simply refer back to your Mission and ask yourself, does it fit? You now also have an encapsulation of your business that you can provide to clients if they're unsure about your values.

Get Comfortable Saying "No" to the Time Bandits: Success attracts attention from all manner of sources and, especially if you're a 'people person,' you'll be approached with numerous requests for your time. To stay motivated, effective and efficient, you'll need to say "NO" (politely) more often. It becomes easier with practice although, at first, you'll find yourself frequently referring to your Mission and Purpose for clarity. In the end, you'll discover that your own respect for your time and goals will be reflected by those who come to you. Finally, they will understand what you're about and what you value in life and business.

Learn from Everything and Keep Exploring: Every mistake or disappointment holds a lesson within, if you choose to learn it. And, once you do, you save time by not repeating that negative experience. Often, such analysis will also uncover new ideas and, if you're serious about building your business, you'll want as many of them as possible:

· Identify resources you can trust and draw from them.

· Try new activities and take on learning projects - your brain is a muscle and needs to flex.

· Keep up-to-date with current affairs and local news.

As you accumulate knowledge, keep asking yourself, "How can I apply this idea to my business or personal development?

Associate with Positive People from All Walks of Life: As long as those around you are creative, constructive and energetic, it doesn't matter if they're in the same business or not. Their energy will feed your own and you'll learn more from other disciplines than you would if you limit yourself to just one sector. As a side benefit, this varied interaction also increases your referral base as long as you don't 'sell' yourself.

Train your Assistants and New Associates with Care and actively listen to their ideas and suggestions. Fresh input is vital for maintaining your own motivation, but be careful about how you ask for it. A business will stagnate if the major players are too alike, but they must at least share similar values and goals. Even opposing opinions can be energizing if you keep a sense of perspective and objectivity.

Balance your Business Activities with Rest and Diverse Pastimes: Overworking is not efficient. You make poor decisions and communicate ineffectively when you're tired, which wastes more time than it saves. Replenish your energy with complete rest and hobbies that totally transport you away from your work activities.

Reward Yourself for Achievements and Completions, and celebrate the success of others. Even if it's just a small reward like a fancy coffee, take a little time to mark the win, it does wonders for everyone's motivation.

The combined impact of Mission and Motivation cannot be overstated in terms of how much time they will save you every day. If you can marry the two, you'll also create a synergy that will energize you even in the slow times and downturns. And, as you and your business mature over time, don't forget to revisit your Mission so that it remains in harmony with changing goals and refined values.

Effective business productivity resulting from solid Lead Generation all start with a Mission and Purpose statement that is built on what you really believe in. Who wants to work with anyone that is unclear on why they are a real estate agent and what they really stand for. When you operate your business consistently and professionally with solid unwavering beliefs, the consumers will find this an attractive benefit that will cause them to trust you and stick with you.

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Why Do We Deprive Ourselves By Trying To Race To The Finish Line?

It's the harsh realization, but unless your in an actual race, it's not your job to race to the finish line. Life is short enough without all of society trying to quickly get through the next step before we've even finished the current step. It's so very important in this life to enjoy everything before you with joy and gratitude while paying attention to the journey along the way. It's in the journey of life that we receive our blessings, learn our lessons and grow as a person, but most are so busy taking that next step, that we tend to miss those important milestones that shape our lives.

For Type A personalities such as myself, this is such a hard lesson. By continuously focusing on doing what's right and attaining the goal, most times you miss out on all of the beauty right in front of you. More importantly, in life there are lessons to be learned and if you are continuously looking for the finish line, those lessons get away from you. But rest assured, they will most certainly come back to bite you. They always do, so take the time to smell the roses and enjoy the journey, however difficult a journey it may be. Truly, it's your journey to have and living in the now allows you to appreciate, recognize, process, learn and grow. Don't we all deserve that much?

Talk to the mother who couldn't wait for her baby to walk for the shear convenience of it, and then ask her how she feels after her baby no longer wants to be held. It's only when that child is now walking that she realizes she missed reveling in the moment of that very last time her baby wanted to be held close to her. It's a sad realization for her that she wanted to rush the process and she'll never be able to get that moment back.

Remember to take the time in this moment to look at all of the beauty around you. In chaotic, confusing or even sad times in your life, just take the time to sit in the current moment looking at all of the blessings in your life. Easier said than done, yes, but remember that at the end of the day, tomorrow is not promised. All you have is today and this moment. And although things may seem sometimes less than ideal and you may even have to look harder than usual at times, your blessings are always there, right in front of you.

I share this with you because writing is how I heal me, and I just recently forgot the lesson of enjoying the journey yet again. Like many, I fall down often, but eventually I get back up again and if I can help one person through my own experience, I'm being called to do just that. So please also share this with anyone you feel could use this gentle reminder of the important things in life.

Love and light to you! Enjoy the truly important things and your many blessings during this holiday season!

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Message From the Universe: Accepting Life As It Comes!

"Struggling and trying to physically manipulate the circumstances of one's life, reveals a misunderstanding of how those circumstances were actually created. And for the focus placed on them during the struggle, it actually serves to keep things from changing.

Acceptance, on the other hand, reveals an understanding that today's circumstances arose from yesterday's focus, encouraging introspection and fueling new thought, actually serving to hasten change.

Yeah, sounds like an SAT question.

Score,

The Universe"

It takes a whole lot of negative thoughts to create a negative outcome. However, when your brain manages around 60,000 thoughts daily, it is hard to really count the nature of your thoughts, either it being positive or negative. It will consume every ounce of energy you possess if you try. Now, instead of focusing on how many thoughts enters your mind, change your focus towards the nature of what you allow entering your subconscious mind. You want to change your focus, and the rest will follow. It is important to always look for new opportunities and if yesterday was miserable, today will change. Keeping these negative feelings can only damage your soul and wouldn't allow you to work on yourself and progress. Every day is a new chapter written in your book of life, and you are the author. Avoid letting negativity enter your mind day after day and allow it to drain your energy. You can't expect changes when you allow these feelings to happen. Fighting against an opponent (life) that is stronger than anyone you can ever imagine is a battle you will lose miserably. You can, however, fight life intelligently. It's not about how hard your hit back, it's about how much you can take from this fight and keep on moving forward. Life is looking to battle weak minded people, that will lay down after the first punch. Stand up and look at life straight in the eyes and say: "I didn't hear any bells. The fight ain't over yet". I agree that it will hurt, and it will be painful and life will keep on hitting. Life is NOT easy, so if things do not work out the way you want, it is NOT anyone's fault except yours. However, life do not feel it's worth the time to keep on hitting on someone who keeps on getting up after every punch. Show what you are made off and the rest of your life will unravel in front of you. Just know that others are dealing with way more difficult challenges than you do.

Despite these challenges you face today or will face tomorrow, you need to learn how to accept certain circumstances that will occur in your life, regardless of how much you tried to avoid them. There is no IF or BUT about it. It is a part of your destiny and it is already written in your book of life. Even though you are the author, some Epilogue have been written by G-d and this is what you will have to face. So instead of arguing about the outcome, start to think about ways to alleviate the magnitude of the ordeal so you can get out of it unscathed. I am not saying that it will be a walk in the park, but it will hurt all through the process. But again, once this phase is completed, start picking up the broken pieces and trash them. Remember that the pain you are experiencing is ONLY temporary, and it will subside after time. Quitting never really subsides as it becomes a part of you and your personality. Quitters never achieve anything, and they blame the whole world about their misfortune. They forget to blame the ONLY person that allowed the quitting to happen: THEMSELVES. If you have a dream, whatever it is, you need to protect it and cultivate it. If you want something, go out there and get it and don't wait for anyone's permission. When you go for your dream, do not be afraid to fail. You can't always win every war, but allowing yourself to learn from these failures is what can make you a better and wiser person. It will never be just about taking action, but also believing that good things will happen in your life and live like it already happen. Looking to be rich? Feel like you already achieve wealth and start looking at new homes and whatever else you desire. Everything starts with thoughts, then belief and finally, ACTION. So what are YOU going to do today?

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Accepting-Life-As-It-Comes!&id=9461833

How To Unlock Your Hidden Creativity

Maybe you feel just like you're not a creative person generally, or maybe you merely desire a little a push to get the solution you're seeking either way, there are many small actions you can take to become more creative. These tips can make you see things from different perspectives and develop the habit that will make you feel more productive and inspired.

Here are ways to unlock your hidden creativity:

Brainstorm with Others

Sometimes all it requires to get from exhausted to motivate or from a relatively ineffective idea to the perfect solution to your entire problems is a few moments of chatting about your ideas with another person. Having a brand new perspective can assist you remember ideas you might have forgotten, develop ideas you currently have, and come up with things you never would've considered by yourself. If you are really stumped, make an effort to have an instant brainstorming period with a pal or a coworker. Ask when you can run some ideas past them and find out if indeed they have any thoughts.

Speak To Yourself

It isn't about having imaginary interactions with yourself. It's about conversing through your ideas and thoughts so that you can do better. Spend some time speaking what you're considering a loud, or describing things you read or listen to back again to yourself. It can help you to learn and process things better and in new ways.

Make Lists

Write down everything you want or need relating to what you're focusing on sometimes the act of writing things out and looking at them can assist you work out how to deal with something from a fresh angle. Jot down any ideas you have, then think about how precisely those ideas will continue to work with what you will need to accomplish. Proceed through your list until you select a remedy that works or discover a way to incorporate them.

Keep a Notebook with you

If you wish to become more creative, you will need to be sure you're for motivation to strike since it can strike everywhere. Keep a notebook and pen on or with you all the time all the time so you can jot down any ideas you have when they come your way, otherwise you may forget them. Plus, always getting a notebook means you will have a location to write those lists you will be making.

Ask Yourself Questions

Whenever you feel just like you hit a creative wall, try asking yourself questions about whatever it is you're focusing on or trying to resolve. Even if indeed they appear like foolish questions you have response to, ask yourself anyways just like you were another person who was interested in assembling your project. Forcing yourself to ultimately articulate what you're focusing on, either a loud or in writing can assist you see what areas you will need to focus on and what must be changed. If you ask yourself a question you do not know the response to, you might locate a new perspective.

https://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Unlock-Your-Hidden-Creativity&id=9962291

Practices of Living an Extraordinary Life

                    

Life is full of mysteries which include happiness and unfortunately hardships. Solving all the turmoil's that is associated with daily living is challenging yet can be rewarding as well. Attempting to keep pace with rigorous daily schedules in a world that continues to evolve with the introduction of new technology and the ever present danger of outside influences from other countries only increases the burden which dwells on the negatives instead of the positives which are ever present, however never recognized.

Life is more than financial freedom, although this appears to be the goal of the majority of individuals who seek such freedom. The steps to financial freedom are steep and narrow requiring dedication and sacrifices that are at times insurmountable and cumbersome. Focusing on obtaining what is often out of reach to many, detracts from the true rewards of life, simple yet inspiring daily surroundings that are taken for granted however remain clearly visible, ever present at the end of your nose.

In today's economy living life to the fullest is often associated with working 12-16 hours a day in order to pay for executive homes and expensive automobiles that are nothing more than a mere image of what truly lies beneath the surface. Climbing the corporate ladder often has rungs or steps missing which lead to additional downfalls which are rarely rectified. Seeking approval of others with promotions and corporate exposure from colleagues, co-workers and friends is undoubtedly the eventual beginning of a life filled with disappointments and many additional hurdles to jump over.

Surprisingly enough there are those individuals with firm beliefs that deem success is not measured by the size of bank accounts but by personal well-being and the inner spirit that takes the time to pay attention, to unplug from society for only a few parting moments. Success is becoming a whole person, a person that is aware of his or her surroundings, a person that is appreciative of sunsets, moonlit walks on the beach and a warm embrace from someone near and dear. Success is a simple wink, admiring landscapes of distant shores seen for the first time or merely taking the time to greet strangers with a friendly and warm smile.

It is a simple fact. There will always be someone that has more or less than you have, someone who is better than you in many different ways. Comparison is one of the biggest distractions throughout life, one that depletes the soul of feelings and emotions replaced by hatred and ambiguity towards others and oneself. Comparing yourself to another is an irreversible form of self-destruction that only breeds contempt fueled by misunderstandings and rumors which spread like wild fires through a dry and depleted forest, forever burning. Be happy who you are, what you have not what you want. Experience life to the fullest by reflecting on the present, your surroundings and everyday occurrences that may appear ordinary or commonplace but are in fact miracles brought forth for all to share.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Practices-of-Living-an-Extraordinary-Life&id=9787218

Self-Care To Combat Compassion Fatigue

How do we take care of ourselves in our work place? This is an interesting question and now that it is spring and we are starting on a journey for a fresh new start of our lives after pulling out of the winter guise, it is time to start a new life. I would like to introduce the concept of having an intention each day to guide us to a more meditational shift within. This intention is like saying a positive affirmation that we keep with us throughout the day. It is how we get that intention that is interesting. I learned it at training and would like to share it with you. The credit goes to Mary Jo Barrett, LCSW-C. So, I give you her wise and sage advice. I hope you will be able to use it in your practice once you get a handle on it. It takes practice. It is a new way of doing things.

First: Sit comfortably in a chair with your feet flat uncrossed on the floor. Rest your arms comfortably. Close your eyes. Spend 3 minutes just focusing on your breath. Hold. Then breathe out to the count of 4. Then, begin a progressive relaxation exercise. Lift your shoulders up to your ears and hold them tight, then relax them. Clench your fists tightly and then relax your hands. Tighten your buttocks and then relax. Curl up your toes tight and then relax. Breathe in to the count of four hold and then breathe out to the count of four. Feel the tension leave your body and enjoy being relaxed.

Second: Keep your eyes closed. Now I want to take you on a journey. At the end of this journey a word will come to you-your intention. Do not worry about it now. Go to your safe place-- a place of calm and filled with peace and love. Notice what is a round you. Smell the air and breathe it in. Feel its freshness fill your lungs. Smell the sweetness of the air. Walk around your safe place whether it is the sea, a lake, a garden, the mountains, or wherever you feel safe. Take notice of everything around. You see a bright color. Go to it and touch it. Feel it, smell it, take its essence in. Enjoy it. What does it look like? How does it feel? Now slowly walk away from it and look around. Slowly bring yourself back and when you are ready open your eyes. What word comes to mind to you know?

Third: I want you to think of this word and spend 2 minutes writing a sentence with your word of intention. When this is done, I want you to put this intention on an index card and keep it with you for the rest of the day and pull this out and read it several times during the day.

This exercise should only take about 5-6 minutes. You do it every morning. The intention is to bring you back to centeredness when life begins getting hectic during the day. It is your own special meditation to take with you throughout the day. You get a new one each day.

This is an exercise in self-discipline and is here to help you in self-care. We need to take care of ourselves so we can be there for our clients. It helps keep us healthy and prevent burn out. We just have to take small steps out of our daily lives to take care of ourselves. It takes practice until it becomes a habit. This is one small step against compassion fatigue. Try it and see how it changes your life.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Self-Care-To-Combat-Compassion-Fatigue&id=8458018

What Kind of Stories Do You Tell?

We all tell ourselves stories everyday. What kind of stories do you tell? Do you tell stories of how your spouse doesn't understand you, how you boss is incompetent, how you can't afford a vacation, or something along these lines? We all know these stories don't get us anywhere, but "it's reality," we say. Maybe in this red hot moment it is, but is it really the story you want to tell? Why not create your own reality? It's easier than you think.

Words cast spells, that's why its called SPELLING. Words are Energy. Use Wisely. -- from a Pinterest pin. I cant' find the author, but I love it.

Your words and thoughts have power. I recently read The Power of Story by Jim Loehr. He worked with elite athletes to help them achieve more. He says that he could tell very early on when he talked with an athlete if he would be able to help them or not. If their ultimate goal is just to be number one, he knew it wouldn't be enough to sustain them. He talked about a tennis player whose ultimate goal was to be sunshine for the world. She had what it took to keep going even when she didn't win because she could still meet her ultimate goal of being sunshine and bringing joy to others when they watched her play. That's not to say she threw out her other goals and that any goal is unworthy, but it helps to know what our true heart's desire is.

Here's the process in three simple steps:

1. Determine what your desire really is.It's OK to have any goal in the world, but think about why you want the goal. How will you feel when you get the goal? That's what you really want, the feeling. Hold onto the core desire. Even if what you want comes in a different way than imagined, would it be OK as long as you still got to the what you truly want?

2. Drop your old story. Jeannette Maw taught me that your old story is "not an approved chew toy." You have to drop it and replace it with your new story, just like she trained her foster dogs to drop the shoe and chew on an intended chew toy instead.

3.Tell your new story. Tell it to yourself. Write it down.Tell it to a trusted friend. Tell it with more gusto than you put into your old drama. Make it juicy. See it. Feel it. Touch it. Taste it.

Don't make it hard. Tell yourself the story of the perfect job, the hot date, boundless energy, whatever you want, tell the story of having it like you would tell it to someone after it's already yours. If you notice you old story running through your head or coming out of your mouth, STOP! Then pick up your new story.

Here's an example of what the process might look like:

Goal: to be in a wonderful romantic relationship

Deep desire: to feel loved

Old story: The only guys I meet are jerks or weirdos. All the good ones are already married. I'll have to settle for less than I want if I don't want to be alone. I can't believe how bad my dates all turn out to be.

New Story: My new love is perfect for me. From the first date, we just clicked. We both love to dance and eat sushi. I love staring into his hazel eye's. I love the gentle strength he gives off when he puts his arms around me. It give be goosebumps when I breathe in the scent of him, masculine and earthy. I love how he supports me and wants me to spend time with me friends. I love that he has a healthy ambition, but knows how to have fun. His deep laughter delights me and I get to hear it so often because we are always laughing. He was so worth the wait. How lucky can I be?

That's it. Really, that's all you have to do. Now, you could do more. You could notice and appreciate the areas of you life that you already feel loved, maybe by family or friends, but if you keep focusing on your new story that's all it takes to make it into your real story.

http://ezinearticles.com/?What-Kind-of-Stories-Do-You-Tell?&id=8669405

Message From the Universe: Focusing on More Important Things

"The best way to find "love," which, incidentally, is just as true for finding money, is to focus less on these by-products of a life well lived and more on a life well lived.

Simple is as simple does, 

The Universe"

We focus too much on materialistic items to get love, nicer car, bigger home, top of the line gadgets, and so on and so forth. I would say many women out there love these types of men who can shower them with gift in exchange of, well,... you know. Our society is based on image, of popularity, on how many followers you have or how many friends you can acquire. Isn't the quality better than quantity? Shouldn't we focus more on the friends who will stick around just in case things go badly for you? It is easy to be with someone when all things are great and dandy, but the true color of a person comes out when things start heading south. They suddenly show no more empathy, no more attention, suddenly work is demanding a lot of their time but suddenly were ready to travel the world when you had the money to finance their trips to paradise. What a convenience isn't it?

When you focus more on what's important in life, you forget the by-products of that life. You work on making yourself happy no matter what the outcome. For many entrepreneurs out there, who can work 16 to 19 hours a day, have no clue as to where they are really going but their ambitions and dreams keep them moving forward. It's not longer about money, or about financial freedom, it is about doing what they want to do and they know the money will come. Nothing in life comes easy and once you learn to master that part and focus less on every penny that comes in to your wallet, you can start living your life, start enjoying and appreciating the important things. You may be closer to your goals then you might ever expect. Never give up, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Focusing-on-More-Important-Things&id=9633342

Self Affirm And Problem Solve Better Under Stress

How well do you solve problems under stress? We all went through having to prepare for exams sometimes at the last minute. Perhaps you've had to come up with a business proposal on short notice. In general, it is well known that the effects of acute and chronic stress interfere with problem solving requiring flexibility and adaptation. Acute stress can help rote memory, which is probably why so many "crammers" for exams actually did satisfactorily. However, if the task involves more complex problem solving increased stress interferes.

Yet, in the last several years there is new research indicating that self-affirmation can lessen the interfering effects of stress on problem solving. What exactly is an affirmation? According to researchers at Carnegie Mellon University, "self-affirmation is the process of identifying and focusing on your most important values". In my own work, I prefer the definition that an affirmation is a statement that describes your goal in its completed state. For example, if you are trying to lose weight, your self affirmation might be that "I am feeling lean and powerful at my perfect body weight of 170 pounds".

Using self-affirmation can improve your problem solving skills under pressure. The research team at Carnegie-Mellon University found that a brief self affirmation activity helped buffer the negative effects of chronic stress on task performance when stress levels were rated by questionnaire, heart rate, and blood pressure.

But you have to do it right. When working with clients, I start with the following guidelines:

1. Start with the words I am.

2. Use the present tense.

3. State it in the positive. Affirm what you want, not what you don't want.

4. Keep it brief.

5. Make it specific.

6. Include an action word ending with -ing.

7. Include at least one dynamic emotion or feeling word.

8. Make affirmations for yourself, not others.

Then it is important to create the affirmation for yourself using the following guidelines:

1. Visualize what you would like to create. See things just as you would like them to be.

2. Hear the sounds you would hear if you already had achieved your vision.

3. Feel the feeling you want to feel when you created what you want.

4. Describe what you are experiencing in a brief statement, including what you are feeling. Start the sentence with the words "I am so happy and grateful that I now... Make sure it is stated in the present.

5. Edit it as needed.

Self affirmations work best for you when you combine the above guidelines with visualizations of how things will be when your goal is achieved, whether it is a personal or business goal.

When you are under high stress, you will initiate better problem solving by taking a little time to create and/or reflect on a self affirmative statement that is important to you. For example, if faced with a business deadline and you are inclined to feel high levels of stress, create a self affirmation such as "I am happy that I am working well at creating cohesion among my team to complete our sales project".

This strategy is reasonably easy and you can use it before you enter a high pressure situation or start a self improvement project. Give it a try. If you start to do it regularly, you will be surprised at your successes.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Self-Affirm-And-Problem-Solve-Better-Under-Stress&id=9237818

Message From the Universe: Believe in What Doesn't Exist, YET

"Straight from the fabled Akashic Records:

Time and Space is where you chase things you pretend you don't have - love, friends, and abundance - while worrying about things you pretend you do have - problems, challenges, and issues. Until one day, you happen to notice the prophetic powers of pretending.

In case that helps any.

Tallyho,

The Universe"

It is said that " It is Not a lie if you believe it". Obviously, that can be concerning for most, but this statement is real or factual for events that YOU personally believe it happen, even though it didn't. If you start believing in things that you personally think it is true, is it really a lie per your standards? You can really say anything you want but your belief is what really matters. If you truly believe in something, or if you pretend it already happened, is that considered as a lie or just your ambitions? If you claim that you invented the cure of cancer and you know you are about to make it happen, how can that be perceived by the scientific community? Is it safe to move forward and state that fact publicly without having any significant proof to back up your claim? It might not be the greatest idea until it is certain that all samples tested have come out positive with your cure. Belief is a personal thing, make sure to keep it as such. However, what helps is pretending that this belief is occurring in your life, as we speak.

I heard of an example in the past that will demonstrate what I am trying to convey. A woman was complaining to her therapist that she wasn't able to meet any man. She tried online dating, face to face meetings, blind dates, professional dating agency and nothing worked. The reason wasn't because of any physical abnormalities, but because of her attitude and her belief. Let me explain. When the therapist visited her home, she noticed in her two car garage that she was parking her car in the middle of the garage, instead of either right or left. In her bedroom, she was occupying 99% of the closet even though, if well organized, her clothes can occupy one side of the closet. The therapist asked her what side of the bed does she sleeps in, she answered: "I prefer the middle, because there is no one there anyway, so why occupy only one side". This is where it all clicked. The woman didn't leave space in her mind to accept someone coming into her life. She eliminated the possibility of this happening because of her belief that it will NOT happen, hence, acting as she is alone and no need to allow space in her life for anyone. The Therapist suggested to do something interesting. First, she needed to start parking her car on one side of the garage, not in the middle. Her closet had to be reorganized so if anyone do come into her life, she will have designated space for his clothes. She had to start focusing on sleeping on one side of the bed, even if the other side is left empty. She had to pretend someone was there even though her dream man didn't exist yet. After a few months of changing her attitude, her life changed when she met the man of her dream at a place she regularly attended but never was mentally free of allowing someone to come into her life. Her perception changed, hence, her life followed. By believing in yourself and pretending it has already happen, the Universe will work in your advantage and will make things happen the way you predicted. Try it, it will work!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Believe-in-What-Doesnt-Exist,-YET&id=9623796

Message From the Universe: Always Remember to Visualize!

"Nothing is left to chance. The choreography of players and circumstances in your world are plotted with mind-numbing precision. Gigantic forces of attraction are activated and engaged. The odds for your inevitable success begin skyrocketing. And every second of every day is calibrated and recalibrated... whenever you remember to visualize.

Who loves you, baby? 

The Universe"

Everything that is happening, day after day is because the Universe has something to do with it. Now, the ONLY reason why the Universe is involved is because of how your structured your thoughts to make things happen the way they did. Just like the beginning of the Universe, after the Big Bang, all of the elements that were needed to create dark matter and energy was based on precision of temperature and angle of explosion. If anything was off from 1/10 of a degree would have change everything we see today. Probably nothing you see today would have ever existed. Everything was plotted with mind-blowing precision. The famous scientist, Stephen Hawking, admitted that without divine intervention, nothing you see today would have ever existed, which is pretty impressive when it came from someone who originally said that God had nothing to do with creation. As he slowly realized that what we see around us, especially in outer space, can be difficult to explain the origins of the Universe and how everything exist the way it does. This is why we have quantum theory, or String Theory (Multiverse) where no one can prove what was before the Big Bang and if other Universe actually exists, besides ours.

Can we say that God had the thoughts and intent to create all of what we see today? Now, I am not saying that we have that same power of thoughts over that supreme being, but our thoughts have power in itself, without us even realizing it. If you start visualizing how things are meant to happen and leave the Universe to take care of the rest, you will look at things differently and changes will occur, to your benefit. Do not let any doubts enter your mind at any time as it confuses the Universe from doing what it does best... making things happen. So as you are working towards your goals, start thinking right and focusing more on the positive and the belief that you are capable of accomplishing big things in life. Do not focus on the "How" it will happen, but primarily on what you want to happen. Do not worry about the "If" it (your dream) will ever happen, but always wonder as to the "When" it should happen. Always learn to predict the good and act like it already happened.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Always-Remember-to-Visualize!&id=9405116

Eat the Dessert First - Time to Get Busy Fulfilling Our Destiny

It is written...

It is the Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom; Trust in the Lord with all your heart and not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths; Lift your eyes now and look from the place where you are northward, southward, eastward and westward, all that you see, I will give to you. What do you see?

Do your problems seem as tall as trees? Do you see bills due and not enough money? Do you see signs of aging and poor health?

What do you see? Or better yet, where do you put your faith?

Irrespective of denomination there are scores of prosperity promises throughout the Bible. We are continually bombarded with endless prosperity techniques and testimonies, but people still believe the problem is with the supply, refusing to understand that the problem is with the demand. We must look into our hearts and begin to truly put our faith in Spirit. It is only when we leap that the net will appear. Start now to move by faith and not by sight.

How often have we asked for something, acted upon the request as if it were already done and then allowed depression, fear and doubt to set in and short-circuit our vision, creating a wilderness experience? Focusing on lack and living out of our past and not our imagination evokes the powerful law of cause and effect. What you see is what you get. It is our own limited consciousness that is getting in our way. Start dreaming a dream so big that the palms of your hand begin to sweat. It has been said on numerous occasions that when you follow your dreams, you will be faced with God-ordained opportunities, brilliantly disguised as problems and challenges. It may be insane to live with a dream, but it is madness to live without one. Living your dreams takes not only courage but an internal belief that you will be successful. Spirit has promised to never fail us nor forsake us. Joshua was successful in conquering Jericho with this promise. Time to get busy fulfilling our destiny. Time to eat the dessert.

After you have dreamed your dream, you must begin to plan. Infinite Kindness is always guiding us. Set aside regularly scheduled time periods to listen to Spirit. Follow the instructions exactly as Spirit reveals them. Do not try to rush Spirit or improve upon the instructions. Commit yourself to doing one thing every day toward making your dreams a reality.

Because life was not meant to be without God ordained opportunities, you will have to be diligent in searching for the good. You are a perfect idea in the mind of the Divine. Every place you find yourself is hallowed ground and while on the hallowed ground, negative thoughts and words are not welcome. Always be mindful of your thoughts and words, especially if you are living a wilderness existence. Thoreau said, "when we move confidently in the direction of our dreams and endeavor to live the life we have imagined, we will meet success unexpected in common hours."

Imagine the life you want to live. It is not necessary to know each step to be taken, it is only important that we begin to walk in the direction Spirit is pointing us toward. If we need to be redirected, as long as we are in motion, Spirit will gently nudge us and guide us to the right path. Whether we are moving toward our dream or living out our days in despair, we are always creating our next experience. Vow today to be proactive with your life and not reactive. Decide your future, believe you can achieve your heart's desire, stop looking back to the "old" you for guidance, trust in Spirit unconditionally and imagine a millionaire's victory. Get ready! Here comes the dessert tray!

Remember life is too short to drink cheap champagne. Dream Big and Life the life you have imagined.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Eat-the-Dessert-First---Time-to-Get-Busy-Fulfilling-Our-Destiny&id=9559760

10 Things I've Learned From Being a Mediator

I'm lucky that I've had so much training and experience mediating issues between others. It's impossible to be a part of the mediation community for so long and not learn a thing or two about oneself in the process. So, I'm going to share, in no particular order of importance, 10 things I've learned along the way.

1) Gossip is boring. I don't mind people sharing updates about family or friends with me, but when it turns into a conversation that has too many oohs, ahs, and smirky faces, I'm out. My threshold for listening to someone jabber on about others is low because I have learned that if they talk about other people like that, they probably talk about me like that. No thanks.

2) Everyone cares about something so much that they'll do crazy stuff to defend it. In the world of mediation those things are called core values. But, without going into too much detail about them, I now know that when someone reacts to a small situation in a big way, it's because something they value is being threatened. And now, rather than jump back at them, I'm curious to find out what that "something" is.

3) I don't have to like you. I struggled for years trying to find the good in others, feeling guilty for being too critical of some people, and beating myself up for not making more of an effort with difficult folks. Now? I'm good not to like every single person on the face of the planet.

4) I don't have to fix everything. It's okay, and I mean okay, for me to let other people work out their own issues on their own timeline. I'll just be over here focusing on my own life, thank you.

5) Everyone is a mess. I read a quote once that said something like, "everyone has a life and no one gets out of it", meaning that every one of us experiences sad, bad, and lousy events that mess with us. We all have issues and we're all trying to mask them, deal with them, or sometimes share them in the most inappropriate ways.

6) I can work things out when I'm ready. It's okay to lick to my wounds, think about things, vent to my trusted confidants, wait a while, think about things some more, and then resolve issues with others. It doesn't have to be on anyone else's timeline if it doesn't feel right for me.

7) Giving space to others doesn't mean I'm giving up. If I'm willing to give myself the time and space to think things through, it's certainly okay for me to do that for others. Everything doesn't have to happen right here, right now.

8) Sometimes it's not possible. Mental health issues, addictions, and things greater than all of us really can, and do, get in the way of mending relationships.

9) I truly can be happier walking away. After so many failed attempts to build a relationship that feels authentic and genuine, it's okay for me to let it go. I mean really let it go. I've discovered that the empty feeling I thought would be there is actually a space that gets filled with contentment and peace.

10) I can think whatever nasty thoughts I want. Over the years I've become much better at editing my critical thoughts about others. I've also become much, much better at editing how those thoughts sound when they exit my mouth. But, there are those days when I give myself permission not to edit anything rolling around in this brain of mine. I've learned that I can think whatever I want about whomever I want and that doesn't make me a bad person. In fact, last I checked, it makes me human.

http://ezinearticles.com/?10-Things-Ive-Learned-From-Being-a-Mediator&id=8778698