Full Steam Ahead - Release Thy Anger

"Not only does the repression of anger predispose to disease but the experience of anger has been shown to promote healing or, at least, to prolong survival."

- Gabor Maté, When the Body Says No; The Cost of Hidden Stress

Theoretically, I love puttering in the garden. But I must confess to having mixed feelings about puttering when I was working in my yard in the last home I owned.

Unfortunately, over the seven years I'd lived there, more often than not there was much in the way of neighbourhood noise to contend with while trying to achieve serenity in my little garden: screaming children, parents screaming at said children, high-pitched band saws being used for hours on end, power washers, as well as the boom-boom-boom pounding of bass from music and video games.

And then... there was the traffic.

I lived on some sort of thoroughfare road that just kept getting busier and busier in our growing town, so maintenance and construction vehicles rumbled by loudly on weekdays. Gravel and cement trucks (in addition to buses and Harley Davidson motorcycles) are LOUD vehicles, especially when they are accelerating - which was, oddly enough, often the case in front of my house. I gave up years earlier trying to garden in my front yard without wearing ear protection.

On some days, I could putter in my back garden without ear plugs or headphones - but not very often. But on one long weekend in what would turn out to be the last summer in my home, I found myself working - without ear protection - in my back garden. It was delightfully (and oddly) quiet. I could hear the birds chirping. It was lovely.

Part of the reason for this was the fact that my neighbour with the screaming children had finally moved out six months earlier and was prepping his house for sale. I was beyond grateful for the relative peace and quiet.

One of the tasks I was tackling in my garden that long weekend happen to be the pruning of the wisteria and grapevine. Both vines had grown out of control and were strangling their neighbouring trees, so I cut and cut and cut.

However, much of the time I had to be on a ladder, which meant that I could see into my neighbour's backyard - the one who had (albeit inadvertently) angered me so much over the years. And the more I pruned, the angrier I got at my neighbour for a) being so noisy and messy over the years and; b) only bothering to clean up his home and yard now that it was time to SELL it and make a whack of cash.

"Blaming others takes an enormous amount of mental energy... it makes you feel powerless over your own life because your happiness is contingent on the actions and behaviours of others, which you can't control." 

- Richard Carlson, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

At first, directing all this pent-up anger at my noisy neighbour (or rather, his empty back yard) felt rather therapeutic. But the more I fumed, the more I began to turn that anger towards myself because I finally realized that I was the one who had chosen to stay in my home for SEVEN years. Nobody had forced me to stay and tolerate noisy neighbours. I was livid at my own self!

By the end of the weekend, I had absolutely exhausted myself. But let me tell you, did my garden ever look great! That poor wisteria didn't know what hit it.

And then wouldn't you know it, I had a reflexology treatment on my feet two days later - and the next morning, I woke up sick as a dog. I had this strange headache on the very top of my head, as if my body was a pressure cooker trying to release steam out the top - but couldn't. I was nauseous and had no appetite or energy. And I kept falling asleep. I drank enough water to sink a battleship as my body tried to rid itself of all the old toxic anger that had come to surface but seemed to be trapped.

The water detox worked. The next day, I woke up and felt pretty much back to my usual self. And my anger had dissipated.

"I am greatly empowered without harming anyone if I permit myself to experience the anger and to contemplate what may have triggered it. Depending on circumstances, I may choose to manifest the anger in some way or let go of it. The key is that I have not suppressed the experience of it." 

- Gabor Maté, When the Body Says No

In hindsight, even though I thought I had been expressing my anger over the years (one would think so, judging by the number of livid phone calls made to family and friends about the noisy neighbour and loud traffic situation), now I'm not so sure. I suspect I had just suppressed it - and it took the pruning of an out of control wisteria to bring it to the surface... and a reflexology and water detox to finally release it.

Interestingly, two weeks later I sold my home... and I hadn't even put it on the market yet. Anger out; full steam ahead.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Full-Steam-Ahead---Release-Thy-Anger&id=9969982

5 Simple Ways To Simplify Your Day

We all are bombarded by different stimulus nowadays. If we don't do something about this situation, we're literally driving ourselves insane. Below are 5 quick tips on how to simplify your day so you regain your sanity.

#1 Get the right mindset 

While you can make definite headway in a weekend, simplifying your life is going to be a process and that's okay. Get your mind in that place where it's okay to take one step each day toward your goal. A plan to simplify should be simple, right?

#2 Spend just 15 minutes 

In just 15 minutes a day, you can reduce clutter, put filters on your email, make a phone call to implement an auto-payment, un-subscribe from newsletters that clog up your email or cancel a credit card you don't use. If you are feeling like you just don't have time to simplify, it's a sure sign you need to! Decide on one small task to complete each day. Set a timer for 15 minutes and see what you can accomplish.

#3 Chose one place 

What room or area makes you the craziest when you walk into it? What have you been meaning to clean out and de-clutter the longest? Start there. It's taking up mental energy you can use for more important things.

Get your family or housemates involved-the common areas of your house are not going to stay de-cluttered if you are the only one maintaining them. Sit your family down and have a chat about why simplifying is so important to you and how it will benefit everyone.

#4 Keep a donate box 

Once you've made that first (or second) big trip to the donation location of your choice, you will still come across stuff that you didn't notice on the first go-round. Keep a donation box in an out-of-the-way place so that you can toss things in as you find them. When the box is full, take it to your donation center.

#5 Buy one, toss one 

Make a new rule for the household: when you purchase a non-consumable item and bring it into the house, you must get rid of something. For example, if you buy a new pair of shoes, either throw out your old, disgusting running shoes or place a pair that is still good, but that you don't care about keeping, in the donate box.

This rule works in two ways-it helps you maintain the minimalist lifestyle you are creating, and it cuts down on impulse shopping. You'll probably be surprised to discover that there's no pair of shoes you currently have that you are willing to part with in order to have the new, shiny pair. Problem solved.

http://ezinearticles.com/?5-Simple-Ways-To-Simplify-Your-Day&id=9578730

You Are an Empath?

"I'm an empath," said the person next to me at our regular group meeting.

"You are? How do you know?"

"I realised it after reading some articles that explained the behaviour of an empath person-and then my physician confirmed it."

"Can you give me a few more details?"

"As an empath, I'm easily overwhelmed by the stress and feelings of not only my loved ones but of everyone around me. I think I absorb other people's emotions because I have a really high level of sensitivity. But after a while, I feel exhausted and unhappy; I instantly lose my emotional balance and mental energy."

"Maybe you're just a highly sensitive person?"

"I don't think so; here's the definition of an empath: 'a sensitive person who easily experiences burnout.' Google defines burnout as 'physical or mental collapse caused by overwork or stress.'"

"What causes it?"

"Spending too much time in life's fast lane. If we don't slow down, our mental and physical energy levels become overloaded, and we easily rush into a stressful state."

"Why do we let it happen?"

"Probably because of emotional pain and anxiety. We feel out of balance, as though we're never efficient enough. It's a terrible feeling, believe me."

"Sorry to hear that."

"Yeah-everyone has too much to do. The worst part about it is that we begin to lose our mental capacity, our memory and our ability to think rationally.

"That sounds scary."

"It is scary. When the mind doesn't work properly, the physical body suffers as well. Empathy is a state of chronic stress, and you know how harmful chronic stress is. It affects all your body's functions."

"Sounds like a path to self-destruction."

"Yeah. It is."

"I heard some very positive stuff about empaths... like they're people with "a good heart," who are very spiritual and sensitive. They're good listeners, and they're always there for you. If they're in a peaceful and loving environment, their bodies take on these characteristics and flourish. Is that true?"

"Probably yes-generally speaking. Some of us experience the world through intuition, which is important for the development of our 'gut feelings' about people. I feel that some people drain my energy; so as an empath, sometimes I need to be alone. Not always-but sometimes. That's my way of protecting myself from an emotional overload. On the other hand, as an empath, I want to try to relieve the pain of those around me, which is an impossible task. We're very complicated people, aren't we?"

"Not at all. To me, empaths are beautiful, sensitive and caring people who are ready to save the world. They suffer more than anyone can understand, which is really sad."

"Thanks. I appreciate you are saying that."

"Is there one strategy in particular, that's works well for empaths?"

"The first step is to acknowledge and to accept that we are empaths and to learn how to take care of ourselves in every situation. The next step is to make changes-to restore our core energy-with exercise, meditation and healthy food. It's important, too, to surround ourselves with supportive people. We also need to protect our sensitivities with strategies such as time management, and we have to learn to set limits and boundaries."

"Thanks for some good information."

http://ezinearticles.com/?You-Are-an-Empath?&id=9644700

Self-Care to Avoid Burnout for Teachers (By Rosalind Henderson)

I had my first panic attack at twenty-seven. However, I thought it was a heart attack. In the midst of teaching thirty-two students, my knees began to quake, sweat rolled down my forehead and my heart beat out of my chest. I was whisked away to emergency whereupon I was given a clean bill of health. The third doctor, however, suggested I learn how to deal with my stress. Hence, my intense interest in managing stress grew.

There is a national teacher shortage. Eight percent of educators leave each year according to Linda Darling-Hammond, president and CEO of Learning Policy Institute and founder of Stanford University's Center for Opportunity Policy in Education.

Those who remain report the overwhelming stresses related to the profession. Unsafe working conditions, large class sizes and the lack of administrative support are just some of the stress teachers face everyday.

Stress has pervasive and damaging effects. I have witnessed colleagues complaining about migraines,constant body aches, laryngitis and fatigue. Long standing stress can result in hypertension, autoimmune and heart disease, and it has links to certain types of cancer.

However, some stress can be managed with targeted effort.

Teaching teachers proven stress management strategies and helping them devise and implement a self-care plan can go a long way in keeping teachers healthy.

Here are two of many strategies I've shared with my teacher participants at the yearly event I host: "Self-Care to Avoid Burnout for Teachers"

Learn to say NO

External pressure from administration, the public and the district can warp our perspectives as teachers. Unrealistic expectations can have us overreaching in our jobs. Are you a parent? Are you a psychologist? Yet, there is an overlap between teaching and these roles. However, contact a parent immediately when students pose a threat to the learning environment. Ultimately, It is their role to control their child's behavior or to seek more expert services.

We are EDUCATORS, striving to be excellent ones. There are times I reread my job description when I'm under pressure from the public to occupy any other position.

Secondarily, respect your physical, mental and emotional limitations. Many teachers consider themselves super teachers, and continually extend themselves beyond their capacities. Here's a formula I'd like you to keep in mind: If you are dealing with more duties than resources to undergird them, you are heading towards burnout. Do you really need to sit on the calendar committee, be the teacher association rep and pursue your Masters in Education--all at once while parenting two children? A better approach is to meter out your energy on those things that are in line with your values, and consider the timing in the pursuit of your goals.

Learning to keep first things first can protect your emotional, physical and mental energy.

Lastly, delegate your duties.

Again, aligning your behavior with your job description, can save you a lot of energy. Research suggests that eighty percent of your time should be spent on your expertise--crafting lesson plans, designing and implementing assessments, establishing an effective classroom management program and delivering lessons. So, what can you delegate to a parent, an aide, a student teacher that you can supervise to lighten your load while you focus on the main thing? Some suggestions? Taking roll, correcting papers, inputting grades, presenting parts of a lesson and doing other time and energy-saving tasks can go a long way in supporting you as you develop the art of teaching.

Aggressive attention to self-care is key to maintaining the health of educators. By creating a plan, and implementing it on a daily basis, perhaps this will impact teacher burnout and promote teacher retention.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Self-Care-to-Avoid-Burnout-for-Teachers&id=9694296

What Are the Symptoms of Information Overload?

Information overload is a problem that a large number of us face every single day. This is one of the biggest concerns of the modern, digital age and it's something that can have a devastating effect on our health and on our mood.

Despite this though, many of wouldn't describe ourselves as suffering from the condition, quite simply because we don't really know what it is...

How do you know if you're really suffering from information overload or if it's just regular old 'stress'?

Let's take a look at specifically what information overload really is, what the main symptoms are and how it might be affecting your life.

What is Information Overload?

Information overload, also known as 'information fatigue', basically describes a situation where you begin to feel weighed down by the huge amount of data that you're forced to deal with on a daily basis.

The most obvious source of this information is all our technology. At any time you might be looking at multiple different screens at once, you might be waiting for notifications from your smart device and you might be listening to music. That's a lot of different data streams, all of which require concentration and all of which can create at least a small amount of stress.

The Signs and Symptoms

Thus, the main signs and symptoms of information overload tend to be somewhat similar to general stress/adrenal fatigue.

The thing to recognize is that each time you're focussed on your screen, or you're jolted awake by some kind of notification, this causes an elevation in stress hormones. At the same time, it requires mental energy, which of course is a finite resource.

This can then cause you to feel tired and 'burned out'. At the same time, you'll see the symptoms of chronic stress such as:

• Increased cardiovascular stress
• Blood pressure
• Tiredness
• Low mood

You might also find though that you start to get tired from focussing and decision making, which can ultimately leave you very much drained and make it hard for you to continue focussing and making decisions regarding other things. Thus you may find that you are slower to make decisions, that you are less motivated or even that you suffer with confusion and impaired vision.

If you find that you have no motivation in the evenings, that you feel almost incapable of making even the smallest decisions, or that you are constantly stressed - consider just how much information you are dealing with during the day!

http://ezinearticles.com/?What-Are-the-Symptoms-of-Information-Overload?&id=9358476

The Various Ways You Can Build Up Your Mental Toughness

Do you subscribe to the school of thought that believes in all or none, say for instance when you talk of mental toughness, do you feel that it is a quality which you either have or you don't have at all? Is it is something that is inborn?

Self Discipline

Well to an extent, you may be true in saying that some people are far better self disciplined than yourself. They are more adept at resisting temptation than you. Well they were not born this way, on the contrary they have sought and found ways to develop their mental toughness and make good use of it when it is really required.

Complete Control

The fact is they were never born to be mentally tough, ordinary folks like you and me have devised ways and means to develop mental toughness and use it when it really matters. Don't just assume, always be in complete control.

The Luck Factor

An oft repeated quote credited to Ignatius goes something like this, "Pray as if God will take care of all; act as if all is up to you." This premise applies to luck as well, people feel that luck has got a whole lot to do with success or failure.

Success

They feel luck has favoured them when they succeed and at times when are unable to succeed they feel luck was against them. It is true that many a successful people are of the view that luck has got some role to play in their success.

Own It

Unlike others they don't wait for good luck at all or worry about bad luck. They go about their tasks and act as if success or failure for that matter is completely within their control. If at all they taste success, they are of the firm opinion that they caused it, and when they do fail they say they caused it too.

Mental Energy

By adopting this approach they refrain from wasting any mental energy about what might happen to them, they are now in a frame of mind to put all their efforts in making things happen. With luck on their side, they are even better off, as it is said that fortune favours the brave.

For Yourself

It is to be clearly understood and remembered that you can never control what luck does for you, but you can surely control what you can go ahead and do for yourself. Refrain from making a lot of choices, the lesser the choices the better for you as all of us have got only a finite store of energy for exercising that all important self-restraint.

Impulsive and Reckless

The more choices we tend to make, the more taxing it gets for our brain, and we start looking for shortcuts. We tend to get impulsive and reckless, by and by we seem to run out of the all important mental energy needed to arrive at smart choices.

Too Many Choices

Too many choices are arch enemies of mental toughness, the same is true for ease and convenience. The decisions that require you to be mentally strong have will power out of the equation.

Final Words

Always remember there would be certain things that would be beyond your control, it is prudent that you stop fussing about them. Letting go of the past is a wise thing to do, while learning from your past mistakes at the same time. Always create as well as celebrate awesomeness, resentment draws massive amounts of energy, that could be better applied elsewhere. Finally recharge your mental batteries by counting your blessings, you have a lot to be thankful for and feel better about that is the best way to toughen up mentally.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Various-Ways-You-Can-Build-Up-Your-Mental-Toughness&id=9399314

Want to Be Happy and Successful? Science Says Do These 7 Things

Working harder and longer hours won't make you more successful. Being happy will. Here's how.

Why do we work so hard and get so little in return? Sure, we may be paid well for the work we do, and we may enjoy our co-workers and the work itself. But for most of us, we work harder and longer hours than ever before, believing that by doing so, we'll find the happiness and success we want in our lives.

According to Emma Seppala -- science director for Stanford University's Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education -- working harder and longer hours will not necessarily make you happy or successful. In fact, hundreds of neuroscience and psychology studies suggest that the opposite is often the case. The key is to find happiness first. When you're happy, then you'll find the success you're looking for.

In her book, The Happiness Track, Emma says, "Happiness -- defined as a state of heightened positive emotion -- has a profound positive effect on our professional and personal lives. It increases our emotional and social intelligence, boosts our productivity, and heightens our influence over peers and colleagues."

Here, according to Emma, are seven scientifically proven ways you can build your happiness -- and become more successful as a result.

1. Live (or work) in the moment.

Instead of always thinking about what's next on your to-do list, focus on the task or conversation at hand. You will become not only more productive but also more charismatic.

2. Tap into your resilience.

Instead of living in overdrive, train your nervous system to bounce back from setbacks. You will naturally reduce stress and thrive in the face of difficulties and challenges.

3. Manage your energy.

Instead of engaging in states of mind that exhaust you, learn to manage your stamina by remaining calm and centered. You'll be able to save precious mental energy for the tasks that need it most.

4. Do nothing.

Instead of spending all your time focused intently on your work, make time for idleness, fun, and irrelevant interests. You will become more creative and innovative and will be more likely to come up with breakthrough ideas.

5. Be good to yourself.

Instead of being self-critical, be compassionate with yourself. You will improve your ability to excel in the face of challenge and be more likely to learn from mistakes.

6. Step outside your comfort zone.

We tend to think we're good at only certain things, and we play it safe when we should be taking risks. Understand that your brain is built to learn new things -- that's how we attain new skills and expertise.

7. Show compassion to others.

Instead of focusing on yourself, express compassion to and show interest in those around you, and maintain supportive relationships with your co-workers, boss, and employees. You will dramatically increase the loyalty and commitment of your colleagues and employees, thereby improving productivity, performance, and influence.

http://www.inc.com/peter-economy/want-to-be-happy-and-successful-science-says-do-these-7-things.html

How to Get More Done in Less Time

Multitasking slows you down and burns you out. Use this schedule trick to get focused and productive.

Have you ever spent all day working, but at the end, after at least eight hours of straight desk time, you have nothing to show for it? How is that even possible? And how can you fix it?

By doing something unexpected: working for less time. It sounds backwards, but working less can up your productivity. As more demands are placed on you and your life gets busier, you often compensate by working harder and for longer periods of time. Instead, you need a smarter system that allows you to get more work done per hour. And to do that, you need to remove the activity that clouds your mind and slows you down: multitasking.

The human brain is not built to multitask. Ask someone to walk fast in a straight line and solve a difficult math problem; their walking speed will slow down while they try to calculate the answer.

When you do two things at once, your brain is “context switching.” When you stop doing task #1 to start task #2, you have to mentally bookmark what you were doing and where you were to then come back after you finish task #2 to start task #1 again. This confusing chain of events is called a context switch—and just like a computer, your brain slows down when you give it multiple commands at once.

Many people live in a “mixed mode”—they’re not fully focused on work, but they’re not completely switched off, either. It slows them down, burns them out and drains them of all their energy. Think that might be you?

Signs You’re Stuck in Mixed Mode:

1. You work until you’re distracted. You work on one task until you get sidetracked, then you start a new task until your attention is diverted again. You have trouble focusing.

2. You are always multitasking and never fully disconnecting. You’re at a social dinner but you talk about work, or you’re at home with your family but you check emails constantly. You never completely relax and recover, so you feel tired all the time.

3. You don’t take breaks. You tend to work on tasks until they are 100 percent complete. By ignoring the mental cues that you need to take a break, you run down your mental energy faster. When your concentration evaporates, you don’t have the energy to reboot, so you get stuck in mixed mode.

Our bodies have natural “work and rest” cycles built into them. A runner who runs without rest will damage their body, but a runner who over rests will become weak. The solution? To run and cause a little stress to the body, then have a period of rest where the body recuperates and makes itself stronger.

The secret to personal performance is to work in a similar way. If you work without breaks, you will burn out—mentally and physically. But if you unplug too often, your performance will weaken. So to maximize your output, you need to focus your working time in 90-minute chunks (“focus mode”) and follow up with 30-minute breaks (“stop mode”).

You should try to get your first “focus mode” completed as early in the day as you can—logging 90 minutes of focused, uninterrupted work first thing will give you something substantial to show with just one session.

Next up will be your first “stop mode”—that 30-minute period where you’re completely disconnected from work. The idea is to switch gears, to switch modes. So get away from your desk. Don’t even think about work. Unplug and unwind. When you come back to your work, you should feel recharged.

If you run the “focus mode” session four times a day, you'll get six solid hours of work done, which is much better for you than working eight straight hours. And it’s definitely better than eight straight hours of being in the “mixed mode.”

Your thoughts will feel clearer because you’re focused. You'll feel more energetic because you're not wasting your energy in the mixed mode any more. And you'll get more work done in less time.

http://www.success.com/article/how-to-get-more-done-in-less-time

The 3 Habits Productive People Find Time for Every Day

It's funny, really. Most of us who get into entrepreneurship start with the intention of working LESS than we did at our regular jobs. The startling reality is that we often end up doing way more because we love the projects we're involved with. And because oftentimes, that's what it takes to make things happen.

Still, the long hours can take their toll — and even the Elon Musks of the world are no exception.

To keep yourself productive, it's essential that you build habits to help you organize your day and get the most out of your time.

Here are three of the most powerful.

1. Become an early riser by going to bed early.

There was probably a period of time in your life where it was easy to stay up late into the night (or early into the next morning) trying to get things done.

For me, however, that period was over a long time ago. Recently, I’ve come to realize that all eight-hour periods just aren’t created equally.

Going to bed at 10 pm and waking up around 6 am is EXPONENTIALLY better than going to bed at 3 am and waking up around 11 am, even though the number of hours you sleep is the same. I’ve tested this over and over again, and the evidence is pretty clear: I don’t perform well if I stay up past 11 pm-ish. 

Early risers really do have a distinct advantage when it comes to mental clarity, acuity and energy.

Simply put: waking up early works better than any other strategy for becoming more productive. But you have to make sure you get enough sleep to back it up. So get to bed!

I’ve had to give myself a bedtime and be my own parent by ruthlessly enforcing it. It was harder than it sounds, because I’ve been programmed to stay up late for so many years.

2. Start every day with an intention, focus or meditation.

Starting your day with  a clear idea of what you want to do changes EVERYTHING.

Have you ever had a day where as soon as you woke up, there were already missed calls, text messages and emails screaming for your attention? You felt like you were struggling to stay afloat before breakfast. Oh, that sounds like every day, you say? That needs so stop.

If you like, you can meditate. You know, cross-legged, a candle, with some nice music playing in your ridiculously expensive Beats headphones. But if that's too much, you can just "take 10." 

Take 10 slow breaths, think about your main objectives for the day, then get moving. This seems too simple to have an effect, but it’s not. If you’re used to getting up already in battle mode, then you’ve probably forgotten how it feels to have a moment to yourself.

Take a few of those minutes back to refocus yourself. It really helps. You can also use that time to create a better to-do list.

3. Physical activity. Do it.

Working out is probably the highest-leverage tool in your arsenal. It predictably and reliably makes you feel  better and keeps you both physically and emotionally healthy, year round.

To have the mental energy to take on the full calendar of to-do’s that people want from you, you have to be in the gym.

Period.

Training yourself physically not only gives you benchmarks to hit on a regular basis, but it also creates a predictable backbone in your daily life that you can count on, even if everything goes wrong. Mentally, that’s very comforting.

Trust me, I know that integrating these habits into your life won't be easy at first. But if you're not healthy, your business can't thrive anyway. Consider them a long-term investment in your business.

http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/239267

What To Do When You're Not Manifesting What You Want

Tara is scared to death that her husband Joe is going to leave her. The greater her fear becomes, the more she smothers him with questions and looks through his phone and bank transactions. Ultimately, the more she grasps for clues of his infidelity, the more distance is created between the two of them. Tara's fear gets so intense that the object of her fear becomes true. Sounds familiar, right? 

Well, the law of attraction cannot distinguish between what you want and what you don't want, between your desires and your fears. It responds to and ultimately matches whatever it is you give your attention to. So if you are always talking about or thinking about what you don't want, you will unintentionally create or attract that exact experience to you.

In other words, Tara's fear that Joe was going to leave her became so uncomfortable, that she enacted behaviors that ultimately drove the two of them apart. In other words, the law of attraction matched Tara's fear of disconnection with disconnection.

In my own experience, there was a time after my first marriage ended (and before I met my now-husband) that I just wanted to love "someone who wouldn't hurt me." I was so fixated on my fear of getting hurt, that guess what I got? Yep, a handful of men that played with my heart, shut me out of their life, lied, cheated and made me feel incredibly unimportant in their lives. I attracted a heart-full of pain and more tears than I had shed my entire life.

But that's how it works. When you're running down a steep hill and you try to stop suddenly, it doesn't work very well. That's because running downhill creates momentum beyond what you could create on your own. This analogy holds for the law of attraction.

When we give so much mental energy to all the things we don't want, we actually attract the very experience we're trying to avoid. In effect, we conjure negative energy that creates a kind of momentum. This energy, albeit negative, still functions as a magnet, and we attract the very patterns we are thinking about (even if we are thinking about avoiding them).

This all comes down to a simple question: What are you focusing on? Whether framed positively or negatively, your focus will be matched by the law of attraction. When you're petrified that your partner is going to leave, you'll actually unintentionally chase him out the door. When you can't forgive someone that betrayed you, you attract more betrayal. When you are afraid that life is passing you by, it is. And when you spend your energy trying to find someone that won't hurt you, all you seem to find is more pain.

So, here's what to do instead:

• Create a crystal-clear vision for what it is you want in a loving partner and a relationship and how it will feel when you have it.
• Think about your positive vision all the time. Think about it when you wake up in the morning, in the shower, on your way to work and before you go to bed.
• Envision your dream becoming true, clichés aside.
• Be deliberate about what you give your attention to.
• Make sure your thoughts and energy are directed toward adding to the vision of what you want in your life. This is a small, but profound shift.
• Let the certainty and knowing that love is on its way seep into your soul.
• Feel the joy of it rise into your awareness.

Once you're able to create momentum around what it is you do want and desire for yourself, now you're running downhill toward the love you desire and deserve. Now the law of attraction can go to work for you, rather than against you.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-17363/what-to-do-when-youre-not-manifesting-what-you-want.html