Message From the Universe: Human Relationships at Its Best

"In all matters of human relationships, the very best defence, in part, includes no offence.

In part, 

The Universe"

It is not uncommon to see many couple fighting over irrelevant issues that allows both parties to stand ground and let their ego take over the arguments. It can be related to mental insecurities because of a previous relationship and the present argument triggered these feelings. We all have to choose our battles and focus on what is really important to argue about. It is totally normal not to see eye to eye on EVERYTHING, and we all have our own ways of doing things that might not be in sync with your significant other OR your business partner. No need to be alarmed at all. It would actually be very concerning if you do agree on EVERYTHING. This is when something is definitely wrong. Communication is key and should be paramount to make things flow progressively. When something is felt at a specific moment in time, holding it in will ONLY aggravate the matter and in many cases, can augment to a point when the individual's behavior is so erratic that it can require asylum assistance. Never let it go to that point. Express yourself but not when angry and emotionally drained. Both parties have to step back for a little while, let yourself calm down and only then, approach each other in a very civilized and serene way to address the problem. Remember that the other person doesn't know how you are feeling if you do not communicate it well so it is not fair to dump everything you feel on that person.

All humans, or I should say, MOST humans have feelings and their erratic behavior is not there to punish the other person. We all express ourselves differently and it is important to understand the other person and empathize with how they feel. Never judge or justify why they feel a certain way. As long as you listen and carefully analyze each words without interruption, I am sure you can both arrive to a productive conclusion and allow each other to grow closer and happier. When you choose to be with that person, you choose them the way they are, and NOT the way you wish them to be. If you can learn to accept them as a whole, you will suddenly see the relationship differently and start opening your eyes to address arguments more efficiently. We are constantly learning about new ways to communicate, either using technology or face to face. Research on human behavior will NEVER end, and that is because humans adapt to their environment and their mental state have to change to properly function in society. Humans are NOT website templates, or plug and play like hardware in computer. There is a lot of customization to be done and understanding that part will allow you to create new plug-ins (just like WordPress) and study them carefully so you can create the ideal situation that works for both of you. So by understanding my analogy, humans need acceptance and by allowing self expression and proper communication, we will be able to take a step forward to peace and serenity on our Planet.

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The One Word That Stops A Fight In Its Tracks

Have you noticed that when you’re in conflict with your partner, you tend to go in circles and have the same arguments again and again?

For instance, take this couple who came to our office for counselling:

He wanted more physical intimacy – he complained that their intimate life had significantly diminished since they were first married. She complained that all he wanted was to get her in bed – she felt like an object, and that he no longer did all the little, romantic things he used to.

Together, they were caught in a turbulent cycle of finger-pointing and frustration. Each of them felt wronged, and both of them felt stuck. No matter how much they argued, the problem wasn’t going away. Just the opposite - by the time they came to us, there was seemingly no intimacy between them whatsoever.

Uncovering Your Unconscious Patterns

The example above is just one of the many ways couples get into long-standing fights. It could be about anything: money, chores, parenting, in-laws, or how people squeeze a tube of toothpaste.

Either way, we’ve found that if you keep experiencing the same argument with your partner, you’re in a pattern that has nothing to do with them.

Instead, your partner and the situation are merely acting as triggers for an underlying – often longstanding – issue. And the argument will repeat until the issue is addressed.

Make sure to stop and take that in – because this insight has the power to completely transform your relationship with not just your partner, but anyone else you communicate with.

And it only takes one word to do it. And that word is...

Hmmmm.

A Small Word With A Big Impact

It might seem inconsequential, and too simple a word to end long-standing issues.

But taking a moment to pause in the heat of an argument and shifting from blame to wonder is the catalyst for toppling a pattern. Here's how to do it:

Hmmm... how could I have contributed to this conflict?

While it may seem like there’s always a “bad guy” in a fight, in a relationship you’re usually looking at a dynamic.

In the case of the husband and wife we mentioned above, he had to admit that he had indeed stopped making an effort to pay attention to his wife in the little ways he had done before, but she also realized that when he did try to please her, she would express disappointment rather than appreciation.

Hmmm... has this happened before?

Here, you’re looking to uncover any unconscious patterns that may have led to the current situation. You’re trying to find anything that might feel familiar in your past.

With our distant couple, the husband sadly remembered that he had often felt unloved as a child, and so he unwittingly put a stopper on the amount of love he could now receive from his wife. As for her part, she harbored a fear of intimacy that actually erected a wall to keep her husband at a safe distance.

Hmmm... what can I do to create a solution here?

Often, fighting becomes a hard habit to break. We spin our wheels without actually reaching for a solution.

So, the "hmmm" here is to shift from blaming to creating – taking the energy wrapped up in ceasely finger-pointing... and using it to come up with possible ways to solve the problem.

See Your Partner As An Ally, Not An Enemy

Snapping out of long-standing patterns requires practice and dedication, but we’ve seen it happen time and again – in both our own relationship, and those of the many couples we've counselled.

It took us several years to figure out how to resolve our own issues, and so we developed tools and techniques to help you get there.

Our free Hearts in Harmony newsletter will teach you all you need to stop seeing your partner as an enemy, but as an ally. We’ll teach you simple technique you can use anytime that will help you instantly shift from a negative state about your partner to one of positivity, connection, and flow. And you’ll learn the two keys to speaking so that your partner really hears you.

These are the tools we wish we’d had when we first got together over 30 years ago – a systemized, effective way to increase the flow of positive energy in a relationship.

It all starts with “hmmm”... and it ends with “a-ha!”

http://www.heartsintrueharmony.com/end-fights/the-one-word-that-stops-a-fight-in-its-tracks.html