Why Healing Your Inner Child, Helps You Discover Your True Self

Unconscious To Our Wounds

I'd like you to take a journey into yourself, as you read this article. Hopefully, in that time, you will gain a glimpse of why healing your inner child is not only essential but important to overcoming our problems as adults. Many people grow up in less than optimal family environments. Even if our childhood was ideal, we are likely to inherit trauma from generations before us. That is why alcoholics face an unfair disadvantage, since they inherit the genes of their alcoholic parents. We all have wounds to confront and the journey of becoming an adult involves retracing our childhood and making peace with our early life. Can you identify with this narrative? Did you grow up in a stable family environment or did you experience any childhood trauma?

The journey of becoming our true selves requires revisiting our childhood wounds and seeing them through the lens of compassion and forgiveness. It involves attending to our vulnerable parts that we have neglected. So why is this important for self-transformation and self-improvement? Many of our problems stem from our early development, according to developmental psychologists. Depending on our attachment style, this will figure dominantly in adulthood, if we haven't healed our inner child. This shows up when we are triggered in relationships and recall past hurts. Because we are unconscious to our wounds, we believe the pain is occurring now.

For example, if you are emotionally triggered and cannot control it, it may be a triggered event instead of a reaction to something taking place now. This sentiment is echoed by author Liz Mullinar in her book Heal For Life: How to Heal Yourself from the Pain of Childhood Trauma where she explains: "Remembering that a majority of all emotion comes from childhood, it is a really good idea to check whenever you are angry if it is about what is happening right now or is it reminding you of someone or something from your childhood." For instance, I had a strained relationship with my father growing up, owing to his stern disciplining. As an adult, I experienced anger I couldn't control and traced it back to my childhood. However, I ignored it until it affected my relationships.

Release The Negativity And Hurt From The Past

Have you experienced something similar whether it was anger, anxiety, shame or guilt? Often, we will carry the programming of our parents or caregivers into adulthood, if we haven't healed these aspects of ourselves. The trauma we experience in childhood is being triggered in the present moment. Psychologists believe trauma is located in the right hemisphere of the brain, in the unconscious centre. Therefore, to heal and transform our wounds, requires going to the source instead of using logic and reason. In my case, my childhood wounds were associated with fear, which shaped my anger as an adult. It required attending to my fears and transforming my beliefs as a child such as: "I am unsafe" and "It is not safe to be me." These days, my adult self knows I am safe; however, my inner child was still playing the tapes of fear, guilt and shame.

Most of our difficult emotions stem from our childhood. When we experience these emotions, we must notice whether we are being triggered by a childhood experience or something in the present moment. It is beyond this article to explain how to heal and transform our childhood wounds. Moreover, I invite you to work with a trained therapist or counsellor, if you identify with this message. It may be difficult working through our childhood wounds on our own because we are likely to re-traumatise ourselves and remain stuck in our wounds. The key is to take the journey into ourselves, knowing what we experience may be unpleasant, but in doing so, we release the negativity and hurt from the past. By healing our inner child, we discover our true self hidden behind a facade of the wounded self.

This wounded self masquerades as an archetype in the form of: victim, soldier, hero, etc. We will carry these archetypal wounds throughout life without knowing who we really are, since we have identified with our trauma for so long. It becomes our new identity, and healing can be difficult without a shift in awareness. We must learn to become who we really are and not the characters we play. Are you beginning to get a sense that who you are is an intricate web of personas buried within your unconscious mind? It can take a lifetime to discover our true self and we ought to be kind and compassionate with ourselves throughout the healing journey. If this is something you identify with, I recommend journaling and observing your emotions regularly. Note your predominant mood and the situations that affect you. Consider your difficult emotions, as signposts pointing you to heal your inner child. It is once we undertake the journey into our inner child, that we discover the essence of our true self, beneath the concealed self.

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You Are A Gift

Each of us is individual, special and different for a reason: You are a gift to the planet.

Anthropology tells us we are different because we survive better that way-the recombining of genes in sexual reproduction makes us a stronger species than cloning would.

However, that doesn't account for the beauty of our differences. Each of us is a special package, a gift to the planet. If you're looking for a reason for your life, look into your gifts. The whole point is to discover what you have to give, and to give it as effectively as possible.

I believe I came into this planet to heal: First, to heal myself and learn to value who I am, then to help heal the planet, one person at a time.

Healing is an art; not just a science or a technology. It's not enough to throw the latest scientific discovery or medical advance at the problem -you have to get into all the messy, bleeding, hurting parts, sort out the problem, and clear the blocks so the healing can begin.

All my experience, personal and professional, verifies that this is the only way it can be done. There are many different paths that can be used to get into the healing mode, and they all lead to the same place-love. Healing only takes place in an atmosphere of love. My clients heal as they learn to love themselves, and demonstrating love to those around you will create a healing atmosphere. But what is love?

Love is a confusing word. We use it to mean obligation: "If you love me you'll... " We use it for dependency: "I love you, I can't live without you." We use it for ownership: "Weíre in love, we belong to each other." We use it for charity: "I do this for you because I love you."

I want to see love freed. I think the world exists on love, and that it is love which binds us together.

Science has not yet understood the mysterious force which holds the tiny particles of the atom together, and thus holds everything in our physical world together. Pretend with me that the binding force is love: If that were true, then weíd each be an expression of love and surrounded by love. The phrase"God is love" would take on new dimensions.

We would be free and able to let our partners be free, because we would not have to do anything to be bonded. And we would not have to prove to ourselves that we love-it would be obvious to all around us. We could let our partners be different without being scared-just as protons and neutrons are different and express themselves differently, yet remain bonded.

So, I talk frequently about love, and as much as possible, walk my talk. I want my life to be about freeing love. I believe love grows out of freedom, that free beings are open to loving and being loved. It is not possible to push or force people into loving. The only thing that works is leaving enough room for love to grow.

The more free people there are, the more love will be freed in the world. I invite you to join me in creating as much non-demanding, non-possessive love as we can in the world.

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Who Is Your Master?

You're a slave and don't even know it.

According to Websters dictionary a slave has two prominent definitions. The first states the following: "A person held in servitude as the chattel of another. The second definitions goes even deeper. It states the following: " One that is completely subservient to a dominating influence."

Addiction does just that. It becomes your task master and you become its slave. Addiction requires that. Complete unadulterated devotion, worship, and servitude. It requires great sacrifice and even then it is not satisfied. It says that you must do everything and anything to feed its appetite. It's cravings are more fierce than the largest grizzly bear, or the mighty lion. Because of our servitude we abide by whatever addiction asks.

We never count the cost. We never think of what we are losing in order to feed this domineering force. I have seen mothers forsake their children and sacrifice that righteous bond for a needle in their arm. I have seen fathers sell everything they own including their very soul to keep the high for just a little longer. Addiction does not care. It says that there is nothing above it. It is no respecter of person. It wants to kill everyone the same. It holds you in its clutches until it takes your life. Even then it wants more. It will carry on to someone else seeking their souls as well.

Wow we are slaves and don't even know it! We don't see the condition that we are truly in. We have become N.U.M.B. This acronym stands for Not Understanding My Behavior. When we are locked into the grips of addiction we become desensitized by it. We don't understand what our behavior is doing to ourselves, or those around us. The drugs create a box that keeps just it and ourselves locked in and chained together. To begin the process of healing we need to come to terms with our condition. We need to own it. "Look at what my life has become, look at what I have done." When we recognize it, and own it, we can begin to change it.

Yet how do we get to that point of cognitively recognizing our condition? When do we become aware or awake. I have seen parents lose their children to the system. Even that would not trigger that light bulb of self-realization. That look at my world. Look at the reality I have created. I have made a mess of things. That didn't do it. I have seen several people overdose and thanks to the life saving Narcan administered by a police officer lived to see another day. Even then that would not do it. So what does? What brings a person to that point of self realization and the yearning to change? It takes brokenness.

Brokenness comes when you become sick and tired of being sick and tired. The unfortunate reality is that some never get that opportunity. My own uncle died from a drug overdose in 2015. He was only 39 at the time. According to toxicology he had tried Fentanyl for the first time that night he died. It was determined that he died from a toxic mixture of Morphin and Fentanyl. Since that time there has been thousands who have died nation wide from drug overdoses. Thousands who never found the victory that comes in brokenness. See when we are broken, it does not show that we are defeated. It shows that we are set for a comeback.

Everyone loves a good comeback story. A tale of someone beating the odds. Someone who has overcome adversity to find victory just on the other side. That can happen even when your locked in the bonds of slavery to addiction.

In 1831 there was the Nat Turner Rebellion. It was a slave rebellion that took place in Southampton County, Virginia. During this revolt the slaves led by Nat Turner turned on their masters and eventually killed from 55 to 65 people. The slaves had become tired of their condition and treatment and rose up against their masters. We must come to that point as well. See there is a righteous anger to be found within the arena of brokenness. It is that anger that motivates us to make the necessary changes to begin recovery. We can't just recognize the problem and leave it to sit and become like cancer. Malignant and continuing to spread. We must become equally as aggressive to beat our master as we were to serve him. It is important for us to remember to use our anger in positive and creative ways to overcome the task master of addiction. It is not an easy path to take but it is one that leads to absolute victory.

When we realize that our life has become unmanageable we have taken the great first step to lasting recovery and complete healing. Now you have called out your enemy. You see him for the first time clearly. Now it is time to break free, and say I'm not going back. Addiction though does not let go quietly. It puts up a fight. It runs after you. It stalks you around every corner waiting for just one moment of weakness. It is important to find those you can lean on while on the path to recovery.

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Feeling Stuck? Raise Your Vibration Step Two-Finding Joyful Flow

This article is part two of a three-part series on raising your vibration, so you can live with more energy, health, love, joy, wisdom, and abundance-so you can be a powerful, positive, transforming presence in our world. In part one, we explored Step One, increasing your energetic charge, increasing the amount of energy you have. If you are tired and depleted, you have little energy to give and no energy to cultivate a higher frequency of being in this world.

Step Two is to recognize and release the tensions which interfere with the smooth and joyful flow of this energy.

Life is Movement, Renewal, and Change

Life is movement, renewal, and change. Nothing stays the same. All things arise, grow, linger, and fade. When we stop moving, renewing, and changing, our bodies die. Each moment is new and you are new each moment. Every cell in your body replaces itself every 7-10 year-and some renew much faster than this.

Yet, when events happen that scare us, we want to stop the flow of life. We want to shut things down. We freeze or retreat. We seek refuge from the storm of emotions and try to stop them from flowing.

We try to define things in ways that make them less scary, such as "Life is safe if I just stick to what I know, who I know, and the places I know, instead of venturing beyond." We try to define ourselves in ways that keep us safe, such as "I am just not good at that, so I won't try." We define comfort zones of thinking, acting, and relating-and defend them against change. We try to keep things just the way they are.

Then, we attach to these tightly defined boundaries of self, relationships, and events as if our lives depend upon them. This creates tension in our bodies and minds. These tensions harden-and we harden to life. We lose our receptivity to change and diversity, in ourselves and others, and our capacities for growth, healing, and renewal. We lose our capacity to "go with the flow."

Let's explore how to recognize and release these tensions, so we can regain our ability to gracefully and compassionately flow with life. This is the second step to raising our vibration.

The Primary Flows in Your Body

To better understand the importance of flow, let's use the analogy of blood flow. The flow of blood through our bodies is essential to life. Blood flow brings oxygen and nutrients to all our cells and clears toxins away from our cells. Without blood flow our bodies die within minutes.

Yet, there are several events which inhibit blood flow. These include stress and trauma which restricts natural full breathing leading to the constriction of blood vessels. Chronic stress, as well as toxins and certain foods and drinks, increase inflammation which damages the walls of blood vessels leading them to scar, build up plaque, and become less flexible. Emotions such as fear, worry, and anxiety create muscular and connective tissue tension which inhibits blood flow to muscles and internal organs. When this happens, they don't receive oxygen and nutrients and can't release toxins. These cells starve and become toxic. They are no longer able to renew and begin a slow death.

So, life in our bodies requires the free flow of blood, as well as the free flow of lymph fluid, nerve signals, and physical movement. Smooth flow is the essence of life-and tension restricts this flow. To improve flow, it's necessary to recognize and release tension, so these natural flows return. Our bodies signal us when and where there is tension, so, if we're paying attention, we can take action to recognize and release these tensions.

However, for most of us, these tensions become so normal we don't even realize they are there. Fortunately, we can learn to recognize them by their symptoms.

Recognizing Tension

You can recognize inner tension by these symptoms:

• Muscle pain and stiffness

• Restricted movement

• Difficulty breathing

• Chronic Fatigue

• Headache

• Congestion

• Indigestion

• Chronic illness

• Emotional overwhelm

• Brain fog and confusion

• Anxiety and worry

• Angry outbursts, agitation, irritation

• Harsh judgments of self and others

• Depression

• Feeling stuck

• Addictions

• Repeated poor results in your life, finances, and relationships...

You might look at this list and say, "That covers just about every problem I could have. Can these all be related to tension?"

The answer is "Yes."

Tensions in your body, mind, and emotions inhibit the smooth flow of blood, lymph, nerve signals, and life energy through your system and this contributes to all the above.

So, how do you recognize and release tension?

Here is a simple but powerful process you can use.

Steps to Recognize and Release Inner Tensions

1. Pause when you notice any of the above, any sign of tension, distress, irritation, or discomfort.

For a moment, let go of fear surrounding this. For a moment, see if you can let go of catastrophizing it and making it bigger. For a moment, let go of any stories your mind wants to tell about where these symptoms will lead.

2. Mindfully pay attention to the sensations inside your body, with curiosity and non-judgement. Notice the felt qualities. Is the discomfort located anywhere specific in your body? Does this area have a size, shape, color, texture, intensity?...

3. Allow a sense of space to surround the area. Allow this space to expand in all directions, so the space feels large and the area of tension feels small. Imagine this space radiates compassion.

4. From your point of view within the spacious area, ask the tense area if it has anything to tell you.

See if you can just float this question, listen, and feel without rushing to have an answer. Notice anything that arises, whether it's a thought, feeling, image, sensation...

5. Gently allow the compassionate spaciousness surrounding the tense area to embrace, infuse, and soothe the tense area. As you inhale, imagine and feel as if you are breathing love and compassion into the tense area. As you exhale, imagine and feel you are releasing the tension out of your body.

Continue breathing in this way until you have insight, feel relaxation, and/or notice a shift in what is happening.

--- --- ---

These steps initiate a healing process that works over time. You may need to repeat this process many times with the same area or issue, especially if the tension is longstanding or relates to a dominant thought/feeling/belief that you've held for a long time.

Consider implementing this practice as part of your daily routine, so you gradually release layers of tension that have stored up over the course of your life. This way of checking in with your body fits well with a morning or evening prayer/meditation practice, as well as being effective as a time-out in the midst of challenging moments during the day.

As you use these steps consistently over time, your body will begin to feel looser, lighter, and freer. You'll feel more joyful, inspired, and alive! Your energy and awareness will rise. You'll find yourself flowing with life, supported and guided by the current, and able to adapt to changes fluidly and gracefully. You will begin to live from a higher frequency of presence, love, and wisdom for the benefit of all beings and our whole planet.

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A Good Cry (By Tina Tessina)

At the end of a client-packed day, the trash can in my office is often overflowing with used tissues. Richard, seeing this, usually comments; "Good day, huh?" and we both laugh. He knows that, when clients cry, they're usually breaking through and healing something. I've been known to joke with clients that I'd like to create a "crying spa:" a gorgeous resort with boxes of the finest tissues everywhere, even towels, which are great for a really good cry. We'd play sad and soothing music, there would be big, soft beds, lovely overstuffed chairs and sofas with cozy throws and soft lighting. Big bathtubs, hot tubs and roomy showers with lots of hot water, and secluded outdoor areas for being alone. A good cry can be the most healing thing you can do.

American culture is perky. We're enjoined to be happy, and grief and sadness is too quickly labeled "Depression" and supposedly banished with drugs. People who are legitimately grieving are often told to feel better, when what they need is to honor their profound loss by grieving.

A dear friend of mine who lost her husband of about 50 years recently told me that now, after two years, she has had the first glimmers of feeling energized and hopeful about the future. She did not spend those two years at home, wallowing in her grief. Indeed, she went on with her busy life as much as possible, surrounded by friends and family. But she did grieve: writing poetry and talking with a few close friends who could understand. No matter how profound the grief, if you honor it, a day comes when the clouds lift and optimism rises again. Human beings are not easy to keep down. We are resilient, and one reason we are is that we can cry.

However, there's a difference between a good cry and wallowing in self-pity. A good cry is cleansing, and leaves you feeling lighter and more able to cope.

My clients have many different reasons to cry:

• A relationship breakup

• Loss of a dear friend, relative, partner or pet

• Recognition of damage done in the past

• To relieve pressure from stressful situations

• Relief at finding out their feelings are normal and healthy

Crying Facts

As people mature, they tend to cry less. As you gain more life experience, you can handle the resulting emotions better. In youth, everything seems critically important (a snub, a breakup, a bad mark) but with age, you learn that life has its ups and downs, and you're less reactive to them. Plus, with experience, you develop coping skills: positive ones, like talking yourself out of feeling bad, or talking to good friends and getting support; and negative ones, like eating, drinking, smoking, all of which help you handle emotions without tears.

Your emotions and your hormones are intrinsically connected. Emotions are hormones. Emotional reactions to events send hormones coursing through your body. Crying is your body's and mind's way to re-balance after a physical or emotional shock. Crying helps deal with emotionally shocking events and assimilate them.

My clients sometimes say they're afraid to start crying, because they won't stop, but that's not true. You may cry a lot at first; even cry yourself to sleep, but it's almost impossible for people to damage anything by crying too much. Most people cry too little, and wind up suppressing sadness, which leads to depression.

In over 35 years of counseling, I've had clients who cry a lot and those who find it difficult to cry. The ones who cry are usually more resilient and bounce back faster. The only problem with crying too much is if you wallow in self pity, blame others for whatever went wrong, and don't figure out how to handle the problem. Even if you think you're crying "too often," it's probably a good thing. Hardly ever crying (unless your life is serene all of the time) could be a sign of trouble. A good cry is cleansing.

Crying, Grief and Depression

When you've had a loss, there are a certain number of tears you must cry to let go. Getting on with the crying is the fastest way. If you gave it your best shot, and you know it's over, don't waste time in resentment and anger, it's self-destructive. Let go. Do your grieving, cry, journal, and talk about alone, or with a trusted friend. Have a "letting go" ceremony with close friends, and say goodbye to whatever or whomever you lost. Put reminders away for a while.

Everyone needs to know how to grieve, to be sad, to get over difficult events.

Many people, even professionals, mistakenly classify normal emotions, such as the grief and upset after a relationship problem, as depression. A lot of drugs have been sold by labeling normal emotions as "depression;" but it doesn't help people's mental health.

Heartbreak is a part of real life: the more you love, the more you risk a broken heart, and the older you get, the more losses you encounter. You need to know how to grieve, recover and bounce back; it's a healthy human psychological skill. Counseling and grief groups can always be helpful. We live in a social environment that's very uncomfortable with grief, so your friends and family may not be able to support you well enough, so if that's the case, counseling and groups can be very helpful.

If you're trying to help someone cope with a loss, don't try to make the bereaved person feel better. It just shuts down their grief, and makes them feel that their feelings are unwanted. Listen if you can. Have patience with the grieving person. Support them when they cry; it's part of the process.

If you are bereaved, find at least one person you can trust, such as a dear friend, relative, clergy person or therapist. If you can't find someone who will listen to you and support your grief, find a support group. Most hospitals and hospices have support groups open to anyone who has experienced loss.

Writing and journaling can help, so can doing something for others. But, eventually, you have a certain number of tears you have to cry, and the more you let that happen, the better. Eventually, however, your spirits will begin to rise again, and you'll feel ready to actually live your life. At that point, the intense part of your grieving is over. Grief is as natural as digestion, and if you stop either one from happening, you're going to have trouble. If you allow yourself to grieve and cry, your will to live will inevitably assert itself. Grief is like going through winter. Spring eventually comes, and things begin to bloom and live again. You can feel bad, complain and cry, and still keep trudging toward your goal.

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Broken Hearts - What Are The Answers For Healing?

Throughout our lives, we all experience some type of trauma involving death, betrayal, failures, or discomfort. But for many of us the most traumatic experience that will change so many facets of our lives is a broken heart. A broken heart that will lead to permanent scars that will last for the rest of our lives.

For many people, broken hearts will leave them questioning their character, affecting their ability to trust, leave them in deep dark depression, isolating themselves from others, and building a wall so high around them that it's nearly impossible for anyone to get in. While all of these effects of a broken heart will be short term, many of these will do permanent damage to one's psych.

Many people argue that healing a broken heart is much like dealing with death and you go through the different stages of grief. While everyone will have unique experiences and will deal them differently, the lasting effects are nearly all the same. Two people that are very close to me have experienced broken hearts that have left them missing out on opportunities and have damaged them to the extent that relationships will most likely never exist again in their lives. For the sake of protecting the identities of these two individuals, this article will refer to them as Rachel and Chris.

Rachel, a female at the age of 26, experienced more than one broken heart. Her situation is very unique though. She was in relationships that were often physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually abusive. Rachel dated the masters of manipulation if you will. In each of her relationships she became very codependent and convinced that she needed the person that she was with and no one else could be better for her. These patterns became a constant in her relationships to the point where she almost became attracted to that type or lack of better words, dependent on these behaviors. Now this statement does mean that Rachel was looking for these behaviors in guys she dated, it's more gearing towards the idea that she started to adopt the idea that these behaviors were more of the norm for her and all relationships.

In her last relationship, one that would end up in engagement, she experienced major trauma. The physical and sexual assault was taken to a whole new level. This time it resulted in suicidal thoughts, deep depression, the thought that she couldn't escape it, and even hospitalization. She was literally imprisoned by her significant other to the point that she was accepting the idea that leaving the situation was not even possible whether she wanted to or not. This led to a series of events that forced her hand to leave the situation. One of Rachel's parents took a stand and forced her to be removed from the situation without her having a say. Her mother literally drove and picked her up and said "your coming with me'.

Of course Rachel experienced a broken heart following her forced removal of the situation she was in. She experienced all of the effects of a broken heart; questioning her character, affecting her ability to trust, it left her in deep dark depression, isolating herself from others, and building a wall so high around her that it's nearly impossible for anyone to break down to get in. According to Rachel, her way of "coping" are characteristics of her personality type, an INFJ. While this statement may be true, in my personal opinion, I believe that she is using her personality type to overshadow what is truly happening. She is living with the fear of being in a relationship again because she would rather turn away from relationships as opposed to seeing that her idea of "no one is good in the world" is actually wrong. As a result she moved miles away from her home and begin living a life of solidarity.

Much like Rachel, Chris also experienced major broken hearts that have had lasting impacts on his life. While they share similar circumstances and had similar effects, how Chris dealt with his broken hearts, is very different than Rachel's.

From the time Chris was a teen, he experienced heartaches associated with relationships that mostly involved betrayal. All of these relationships resulted in him questioning his character, affecting his ability to trust, left him in deep dark depression, isolating himself from others, and building a wall around him that even the best of destructors couldn't break down.

Chris' last two broken hearts came from a marriage that ended due to adultery and a relationship that was on the break of engagement but ended due to the girl moving away. Both had lasting impacts on Chris' ability to let people in his inner circle. He often pushed people out and began to isolate himself from situations that he could not control. Therefore, Chris became extremely lonely and deeply depressed. His life became unmanageable to the point that he almost committed suicide twice, one of which he was nearly successful. In addition to suicide, depression, and building a wall, Chris began to lose trust not only in his self but in others as well. He started to adopt the idea that all people were born to hurt others and that egocentrism was simply a part of life. As a result, Chris stopped dating, became very cold hearted, and became emotionless to avoid attachment and eventually let down again.

Now fast forward nearly a year later. Rachel decided to move to a place that she had never visited before to continue her education and to begin a new life for herself by escaping the situation she was in living in her old town. Chris made a few changes to his lifestyle as well. He revisited his building blocks in his life to get himself re-established personally and professionally.

Now living in the same city, Chris and Rachel began working at the same place of employment. Call it just a coincidence or call it fate, they met, began talking to each, and started dating. The natural chemistry and their history helped to develop a special bond between them that most people thought made them inseparable. But before things could get any better, they got worse. The effects of previous relationships began to develop that wall that Rachel had let down to let Chris into the picture. This wall was caused by outside factors mostly influenced by people who had only seen Rachel in abusive situations. The feeling of never being able to trust again began to invade Rachel. While experiencing all of these effects from her trauma from previous relationships, she let a good one slip away. One that would have been her fairy tail ending. Instead of living a happy life with Chris, Rachel cut her contact with him altogether leaving her self in pain, hurt, emptiness, confusion, and a lack of a better word, lonely, all of which she had experienced with her traumatic relationships except this time it was out of fear that she had found happiness but that it was too good to be true.

Chris also experienced the same effects. After the short stent that resulted in a crushing blow to him, he went back to the ways of being cold hearted, no longer trusting people, and feeling like he was betrayed. Although this was a different type of betrayal, he classified it as the same as before because he experienced the same emotions. While he had every right to be upset, Rachel did not deserve to have been treated that way. Like Chris, Rachel also had the right to feel the way she did. However, if Chris had accepted, acknowledged, and respected Rachel's thoughts, feelings, and emotions, Rachel may have came back to him. Instead Chris took his hurt out on Rachel and said some things that reminded Rachel of the abusive relationships of her past. Although Chris is not like the guys of Rachel's past, in her eyes she only saw him just another guy who hurt her and would hurt her further down the road causing life long damage just like the rest of them.

The story of Chris and Rachel's broken hearts continue to this day. They are both struggling with the loss of one another. Now Chris and Rachel are dealing with how heal a broken heart which has been a struggle for the both of them over the years resulting in vulnerability and not knowing how to deal with their emotions in a way more conducive for themselves.

In conclusion, is there really a right or wrong way to deal with a broken heart? No one can really answer that but the person who is dealing with it themselves. Our friends and family provide us with support and their opinions on how to deal broken heart, but all of them have a difference in an opinions leaving the broken hearted in a state of confusion and placing them into a deeper zone of depression. For Chris and Rachel their search for healing will continue until their answers are found.

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The First Step, In My Journey of Childhood Recovery (By Cynthia Farsadi)

Tony A's 12 steps for Adult Children of Alcoholism, are a little different from the original 12 steps. I do no relate to steps 3-10 in the original 12 steps. I have not lied and cheated or stolen from others, I do not have children that I have harmed and hurt by being abandoning or neglectful or shaming. I Never felt comfortable and couldn't "relate" in a original 12 step group. I wasn't a narcissist who didn't care about anyone but myself. But I came from a family of severe dysfunction. I say severe because I think there are many levels of dysfunction, it's not just one kind. But yes, I know that dysfunction is prevalant in many families and across many cultures, backgrounds, ethnicities. So when I finally found ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics or other dysfunction) and started attending meetings all this stuff, my STUFF started coming up! I knew that this was the program for me. I could relate to everyone in the group, on some level they were speaking my truth, they could understand what it was like living with a Mom that was suicidal, or a father that raged and was absent a lot. And family members constantly crossing boundaries with each other.

Immediately I wanted to attend a meeting a day. But I realized you can't rush your process, in fact that's another trait of someone from an alcoholic or dysfunctional family, is to RUSH the process, and try to move through all the steps too quickly.

Step 1 in Tony's A's Original 12 steps starts out like this:

"We admitted we were powerless over the effects of living with alcoholism, (dysfunction), and that our lives had become unmanageable."

For the longest time I wanted to deny this process! I wanted to say to the world and to myself that there's nothing wrong with me, it was 'them' that were sick! I'm so glad I got those people out of my life, and now I know all I need to do is keep sick people (addicts, abusers, manipulators, liars, cheaters, sociopath's etc.) out of my life and I will be set! Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. I ended up alienating myself even more and drowning in my work, another trait of an adult child. Now adult child doesn't mean we act like a kid as adults, it means when we were children we needed to be the "adults" because our immediate guardians or parents were too dysfunctional to take care of us. I know it's a sick cycle but this is how it goes.

Now what I am learning is that first step, to take the program one day at a time. To go to the meetings, to talk to people, to find a sponsor and to really begin a deeper level of healing. This is the first step in my own childhood emotional recovery.

https://ezinearticles.com/?The-First-Step,-In-My-Journey-of-Childhood-Recovery&id=9846529

What Are You Learning in This Stressful Time?

Humans are wired to learn from pain and discomfort. When all is going well we relax and go into neutral, like an idling car. When we're faced with fear, hostility, physical and/or emotional pain, and other such lower frequential energies, we tend to go into action, pedal to the medal. "Why is this happening to me? What have I done to deserve this?" and other such questions quickly arise.

Well, face it. If we were happy and comfortable all the time would we really want to change anything?

Growth, improvement, healing, and other such changes only occur when we've been made uncomfortable enough that we don't want to tolerate the situation any more. It's then and only then that we begin to desire change.

And so we've just had one of the most uncomfortable years in our history. Suddenly everyone wants things to be better - our government, our health, the climate, the economy, the environment, and more.

Here's the deal: true change only happens when the learning about an experience is complete. As a dear friend used to say, "When it becomes a no-thing then you're done with the lesson and can move on." In other words, when you've acquired all the learning you need and/or want about an issue or situation, at that point you become bored or tired of it. That's the signal that you're ready to move on with your learning.

Since we're still battling the viral pandemic, we don't yet have a government that works for the people of our country, gazillions of people are still unemployed, and we still live on a polluted planet, evidently we're not complete with our learning regarding these issues. Now is the time to begin thinking of what kind of world, government, and culture you want to live in so that you can create it.

But first, you must get clear - absolutely clear - about what you've learned. Only then can you define what you want.

After you've determined what it is you want, then you can envision it and describe it in minute detail. As you do so, feel the sensations and emotions you'll have when your vision is a reality.

Ask yourself such questions as:

• What caused me pain this last year - emotional, physical, or both?
• What did I learn about the issue/situation?
• What did I learn about myself while I was experiencing that which caused me the pain?
• How do I want to see this situation/issue changed so that it becomes beneficial for all?
• What am I willing to do or refrain from doing in order to assist the changes I desire into becoming reality?

Now, do something. Take a step big or small, and change your world so that it better reflects what you truly wish it to be.

https://ezinearticles.com/?What-Are-You-Learning-in-This-Stressful-Time?&id=10410488

Trauma and Unworthiness: How to Work with the Shutdown Response to Trauma

5 Great Reasons to Try Guided Meditation

Guided meditation brings deep relaxation. Healing imagery is most powerful when you're deeply relaxed.

And good things happen.

So, here are 5 great reasons to try Guided Meditation with healing imagery.

Great Reason #1: Repair the negative effects of stress on your health

You know stress causes physical health problems, and you know reducing stress effects will help you stay healthy. But you can't get rid of all the stress in your life! So how can you protect your body?

Guided meditation shows your mind and body the path into deep relaxation. Your brain releases cascades of healing biochemicals, washing away the negative effects of stress, reducing inflammation, enhancing immune functioning and rebuilding healthy neurons in your brain.

Great Reason #2: Positive time management.

It's hard to find time for you, so it's important to use your time most effectively.

Listening for only 20 minutes, guided meditations take you through the process of releasing physical and emotional stress and nourishing your brain and body, and healing imagery gives you the added physical and emotional boost of mind/body nurture in the areas you need it most. Those few minutes of support give you energy and focus for the rest of your day.

Great Reason #3: Support your healthy choices

Habits like healthy eating and healthy sleep are important, but they're also difficult to establish. Personal changes like letting go of old fears or learning to be more confidant can also be challenging. Healing imagery is more powerful when you are deeply relaxed. Your brain can practice your new behaviors. You see yourself succeeding, and your mind and body get comfortable with making new choices.

Great Reason #4: Nourish your heart.

You may have come to a dry spot in your life. It happens to all of us. Healing imagery shows us new ways out of the deeply rutted paths, and allow you to experience your inner world in fresh new ways. As you rest in deep relaxation, you can open up new areas, explore new facets of yourself. And discover new pathways of hope, of peace and beauty.

Great Reason #5: It's fun!

I know, personal growth, spiritual development, mind/body healing - it's all supposed to be serious business. And I suppose it is. But the same God who is present in the deepest, most spiritual meditation is also present in story-telling, joy, and yes, even fun. And experiencing the joy, the warmth and support your heart has needed - that's a gift.

So, take a rest from the work of your life. Sit back and nourish your brain and body with guided meditation and healing imagery.

https://ezinearticles.com/?5-Great-Reasons-to-Try-Guided-Meditation&id=9701481

White Noise For Sleep - Aspen Forest Sounds Audio for Sleeping, Relaxing, Meditation

Boundaries: Necessary And Crucial

Boundaries are necessary for healthy relationships without them trespasses can abound. The boundaries in your life is built of non negotiables. Boundaries are defined as something that indicated bounds or limits; a limiting or bounding line. Necessary is defined required to be done, achieved, or present; needed; essential. Crucial is defined of great importance. Boundaries are indeed limits which are essential and needed of great importance as defined. I have learned to be more discerning and manage the spaces & set reasonable boundaries in my life.

There are boundaries in all relationships whether you believe it or not. Access is a gift. Whether people understand the boundaries you set is important but the most important is that the boundary is respected whether someone understand it or not. Boundaries help you to make clear that access to you does not mean they have liberties in your life. In this age of social media people can tend to think because they are connected to you on social media that they have up close access in your life which can create deception if you don't put the boundaries in place and operate in truth. My mother always taught me familiarity can breed contempt. Which is true because in that familiarity people take liberties they don't really have. I am in the process of healing my soul and the boundaries I set work to protect my soul and dealing with my emotional triggers.

Below are steps I take to enforce and reenforce my boundaries:

1) Speak the boundaries you set

2) Do not bend or go back on your set boundaries

3) If someone does not respect your boundaries take the necessary steps to remove them from having access to you

4) Setting boundaries does not make you a mean person. It shows you are protecting your spaces and governing your relationships in a healthy manner

5) Boundaries are not walls. They keep everyone in there proper spaces

The moment I started putting boundaries in place peace accompanied my decision. Your peace is priceless and boundaries keeps drama out of your space when properly enforced. There are some people who will be upset with the boundaries you set. It's okay because it's about guarding your heart as stated in

Proverbs 4:23 New King James Version

Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.

Here are some quotes about setting proper Boundaries:

Boundaries represent awareness, knowing what the limits are and then respecting those limits ~ David W. Earle

Boundaries are a part of self-care. They are healthy, normal, and necessary

~ Doreen Virtue

https://ezinearticles.com/?Boundaries:-Necessary-And-Crucial&id=10238843

What Are Meta-Feelings?

One of the biggest thing I learned when overcoming social anxiety was what Meta-Feelings (Meta-Emotion) were and how to deal with them.

Meta-Feelings basically are your feelings about your feelings. Or your reactions, thoughts, cognitions about your feelings.

History

Meta-Emotion was a term coined in the late 90s by Gottman, Katz and Hooven. It referred to how parents talked to their children about their feelings. We can have parents who emotionally coached us, and were OK about our emotions, and welcomed talk and sharing about them. Or we can have parents who dismiss, shame, discourage, disapprove of emotions and did what it takes to stomp out an emotion in the room.

Those reactions are internalised and become the way we relate to our own feelings and the feelings of others.

I use the words feelings and emotions interchangeably.

4 Types of Meta-Emotion

We can have 4 types of meta-emotions:

A study was done and concluded "Meta-emotions can be classified into four types:

negative-negative (e.g., feeling embarrassed about feeling sad),

negative-positive (e.g., feeling guilty about feeling happy),

positive-positive (e.g., feeling hopeful about feeling relieved),

positive-negative (e.g., feeling pleased about feeling angry),"

"In our study, negative-negative meta-emotions were the most common type. This indicates that many people get upset, nervous, or angry about their own negative emotions, in particular."

Not Making Headway in Therapy

I found that until I understood this concept I didn't make much headway in therapy. What meta-feelings do is lock the original feeling in place. You have to work on the meta feelings first in order to release the feelings you want to deal with. Often times just transmuting the meta-feelings released a lot of the underlying feelings as well.

I'm Such A Loser

This was one of the loudest voices in my head. Anytime I did anything that wasn't perfect, I told myself I was a loser. Anytime I glimpsed at my issues I felt so deflated and depressed because I hadn't overcome anything. But. My issues were being locked in because of how I talked to, and felt about myself.

I don't hear that voice in my head today.

So working on your relationship to your feelings, and being kind and accepting of them is paramount to healing yourself.

Helpful Modalities

Other than EFT which is what I used to work on when I had social anxiety, I learned focusing for a few years. It's completely changed the way I related to my feelings. I learned it from Emily Agnew and Ann Weiser Cornell. I will write about focusing in the coming weeks.

https://ezinearticles.com/?What-Are-Meta-Feelings?&id=10448128

If I Could: A Hopeful Prayer for Healing

If I could, I'd wash away the sadness.

I would wrap you in my arms and hold you against me, pressed against my chest. I would protect you from everything that makes you unhappy and reduces your spirit. Gently, I'd wipe away the tears and hold gently your head between my hands, looking you deep in the eyes, reminding you without words that I am with you no matter what comes. We'd embrace again, a little too long; yet as we pulled apart, we'd eke out delicate smiles as we went our separate ways for the day, confident in the awareness that we'd be together safely again come evening.

If it was up to me, I'd banish the fear.

Standing bullishly, steel-tower upright and strong; arms crossed over my chest, facing into the bleak; I'd defend you as you stood behind me. Nothing would pass to bring you agony. No harm could penetrate. An invisible shield lovingly guarding you from all that might bring to you hurt, or cause you to cower fearfully in the dark places. The soft, bright, warm glow of inner strength would flood over you until you again could stand tall beside me. At that point, arm-in-arm, the two of us would face the day, supported by each other, looking forward to the future once again.

If it was in my power, I'd eliminate the worries.

I would keep us in the present, realizing all that happened has gone and what is yet to come is powerless until it appears. We would rejoice in the Now, infused with the awareness that, in this moment, at this point in time, despite the maelstrom that swirls around us near and far, we are safe and secure and together. Remembering that this moment is all we have; for the past cannot be changed and the future is still a formless shadow. Anxiety would subside. We'd breathe deeply again, filling our lungs with peaceful calm, and savor the perfect moment of the here and now.

If there was a way to accomplish it, I'd heal away the illness.

Should it be something of which I was capable, I'd wave a wand, or pray to God, or meditate in silence high atop a summit; forcing away the sickness that has enveloped us. There would be no virus; no death counts on the television nor health alerts published in the news. Social distancing would become an oxymoron as we'd crowd together in too-tight spaces, overjoyed to be close to friends and even to strangers. We would hug each other with joy and abandon. Masks would be reserved for costume balls and Halloween parties. We'd all together raise our glasses and sing songs to the rafters of happiness and health.

Should I have my druthers, things would be different.

We would celebrate the small events and praise the educated and the health care providers for keeping us in strong well-being. Our classrooms and playgrounds would again be full with the unbounded eagerness of children, keen to learn and play. Patrons would flood out from movie theaters at the end of a summer blockbuster, their excited chatter filling the parking lot, as they went their many ways, driving to bustling restaurants and bars and standing in lines waiting, fearlessly, for tables in crowded establishments. There would be no reminders on the floor to "stand here" and hand sanitizer would never again be a pre-condition to enter a building.

If it was my decision, things would be so unlike they appear today.

There would be more joy and fewer tears. Politics would be a healing force, not one used to create more "us" and "them." There would not be videos of department store customers tossing merchandise on the floor, acting like screaming ghouls because they were asked to protect the public health. Group homes would not instill fear, but rather stand for protection and support; as they are supposed to do. We would no longer cross the street to avoid passersby, instead continuing on, even waving and possibly shaking hands.

Alas, these powers are not mine to have nor give.

Therefore, as we go through these trying times together, I wish for each of us that we stay healthy, keep strong, hold each other close in love and light, and know that there is a new, bright, sunny day waiting for us when we rise again; which most assuredly we will do.

https://ezinearticles.com/?If-I-Could:-A-Hopeful-Prayer-for-Healing&id=10332571

Emotions and Essential Oils

Essential Oils are more than just lovely smells, there is actually a therapeutic process going on in your nose which affects the limbic system in the brain; the area that governs the emotion center. Our nose is the fastest way to reach the limbic system.

As David K Hill, Chairman, Scientific Advisory Committee for doTerra says " Essential oils are simply a mixture of volatile aromatic compounds. These compounds are able to interact with the olfactory (smell) receptors in the nose. Our sense of smell can have a profound effect on our emotions, and simply inhaling the aroma can elicit an emotional response. The smell receptors located on the upper surface of the nasal cavity make direct links with the limbic system of the brain, where the scent is perceived and processed."

And from there the brain sends signals via the nervous system to other parts of the body, so smelling essential oils is just as beneficial as ingesting them and rubbing them on your skin. This can literally be done by smelling the bottle or diffusing them in a diffuser.

Healing

Essential oils can assist us with our emotional healing, but they can't do the work for us. According to the book, Emotions and Essential Oils, here are five stages of healing with Essential oils.

1. Assisting us in healing the physical body

2. Assisting us in healing the heart

3. Assisting us in releasing limiting beliefs

4. Increase spiritual awareness and connection

5. Inspire the fulfilment of our life's purpose

In this book there is a description for each oil and I have found them to be so spot on with what I have experienced and felt after smelling the oils.

For eg:

• Cedarwood is the Oil of Community

• Clary Sage is the oils of Clarity and Vision

• Douglas Fir is the Oil of Generational Wisdom

• Frankincense is the Oil of Truth

Tools

There are many tools out there now to guide you, apart from intuition, with Emotions and Essential Oils, there's also an app for your phone called Essential Emotions Reference. You can buy along with the book a wheel chart you can use to select what emotion you are feeling or want to feel, and the corresponding oil you can use.

I have even tried a therapy where when you get in touch with a memory you want to clear, you smell the bottle until the memory fades or changes intensity.

doTerra even have a set of oil blends that target emotions: Peace, Motivate, Passion, Cheer, Console, Forgive.

So Essential Oils aren't just lovely smells, they actually are emotionally therapeutic.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Emotions-and-Essential-Oils&id=9785325

Even Though Your Wounds Are Not Your Fault, Your Healing Is Still Your Responsibility

Pain is inevitable throughout life although to carry it unnecessarily fuels suffering. Even though our wounds are not our fault, our healing remains within our control. You're no doubt reading this since you identified with the title, perhaps your own wounds or someone close to you has been hurt? Healing is a difficult and yet liberating journey of self-discovery. Forgiveness teaches us self-resiliency and self-reliance. It awakens us to a greater love and peace that resides within us.

It is why I am drawn to the words of the spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle who wrote on his Instagram account recently: "If you cannot accept what is outside, then accept what is inside. If you cannot accept the external condition, accept the internal condition. This means: Do not resist the pain. Allow it to be there. Surrender to the grief, despair, fear, loneliness, or whatever form the suffering takes. Witness it without labelling it mentally. Embrace it. Then see how the miracle of surrender transmutes deep suffering into deep peace. This is your crucifixion. Let it become your resurrection and ascension." Tolle reminds us not to resist our pain but surrender to it in order to transform our suffering. I realise this advice goes against what people want to hear. I equate it to running towards a lion instead of fleeing for your life. Nevertheless, by facing our fears we allow pain to move through us and realise pain is not who we really are; it is an emotional state we have held on to and kept alive.

Beyond our pain lies an ever expansive love which at its essence is our true nature. Even though our wounds may not be our fault, our healing remains our responsibility. To heal means to accept what happened to us and discover our true selves through the healing process. Let me be very clear: acceptance does not mean we like what took place. It simply means to acknowledge the events and work towards healing ourselves of the pain associated with it. People might say: "I wish the event never occurred because I wouldn't have to deal with the anguish, let alone the long road to recovery." Whilst that may be true, if we believe everything happens for a reason, what if our pain is there to teach us self-compassion and forgiveness? Perhaps the lesson is not so much about the transgression that took place but how we love and nurture ourselves when we are wounded. How do you feel about this? I know it may be difficult to accept especially if your wounds are fresh. Let it sit for a while and try to see your situation through the lens of love and healing.

Dr. Mario Martinez, a clinical neuropsychologist, writes in The Mindbody Code: How To Change The Beliefs That Limit Your Health, Longevity, And Success that "When you're wounded, especially by significant people in your life, your empowerment is challenged, and your worthiness is called into question. The vulnerability your loss of empowerment creates within you allows the wound to damage your worthiness." To reclaim our empowerment and worthiness once more, we must cross the threshold of pain and let go of our hurt and anguish. It's essential you understand, I am not inviting you to forget, but to forgive yourself for being caught up what took place. Through the healing process, we restore any sense of shame, guilt and anger we inherited as a result of our wounds. Dr. Martinez further explains, instead of trying to forgive the perpetrator or minimise the events of the past, we should focus on re-establishing our sense of self which is more important: "Rather than forgiving the perpetrator or minimizing the intensity of the misdeed, you recover the empowerment and self-worthiness you thought had been taken from you."

What are your thoughts by now? Are you willing to take ownership of the past in the way you process it? There is rarely ever a right way to heal our wounds. Though, it requires courage to appreciate that our emotional wounds are not permanent and exist to awaken us to the loving presence within us. This presence can never be taken away or deprived through physical or nonphysical acts because at its essence, this is the foundation of who we are. As a result, we lean into this oneness of love, knowing like a net which supports a trapeze artist should they fall, we will be guided through our healing journey. Our priority is to nurture ourselves foremost through the eyes of kindness and compassion however painful our wounds may be. After all, the love within us is far greater than our wounds because it is the greatest purifier and healer there is.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Even-Though-Your-Wounds-Are-Not-Your-Fault,-Your-Healing-Is-Still-Your-Responsibility&id=10006034

Keep Moving Forward Anyway

There are times like now when I wonder how to respond. When there's no explanation for what has taken place. I'm left wondering, without answers, not even knowing the right questions to ask. Situations like these are littered throughout life.

At some point we must ask, 'What is the point?'

What is the point of despair? What is the point of it, Lord? To keep moving hopefully forward anyway. 'What point is there, son, to stay in the place of powerlessness or pity? I can do more in you as you bear your pain hopefully, choosing to trust I am still, and always, in control,' says my Lord, 'Keep moving forward, anyway.'

The pain won't kill you...

but it will help you to grow...

if you keep moving forward.

What about betrayal? 'Well,' says God, 'You've done it too, haven't you? Do you not all have the capacity to let people down?' Why, yes, Lord, is the sound of my response. I have certainly betrayed others. You mean they felt like I do now. It never felt nice. 'So,' says God, 'can you just keep moving forward anyway? I'll forgive your lapses into feeling hurt, as long as you'll endeavour to come back to the peace you can only get from me.' God, you're so good.

Disappointment and rejection, well they're just the pits. And yet, in this world there will be times we don't get our way, so many we should expect them to occur. Why are we so shocked? 'Son, why do you expect everything to work out well in this fallen world? Plan for the best, but expect the worst, and you'll be ready, come what may,' says God.

If disappointment can't knock you off course...

and rejection doesn't reset your identity...

you will recover, and you will endure.

What about these addictive traits of mine, Lord, will You ever heal them? 'Oh, my son, as you trust in feeling your pain, in the truth I've given you from eternity, you will overcome,' says God, 'and continue being honest, for in honesty is healing, and in healing is hope.'

'Do you get the idea yet, my son? Keep moving forward, and you'll get My work done.'

There is a purpose beyond the pain, a justice beyond the travesty, a love beyond the fear, and we will see all these and more, if we just keep moving forward.

This is all about taking the Lord's side and remembering that in taking our own side we choose wrong.

It seems counterintuitive to go against ourselves, but to bear the pain of reality whilst we keep moving forward is the greatest wisdom.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Keep-Moving-Forward-Anyway&id=9999696

Those Who Test And Trigger You The Most, Will Set You Free.

 

Sometimes We Cannot Escape Healing Ourselves

Take a moment to think of someone in your life that triggers negative emotions within you. I realise it may be unpleasant, but notice the emotions that arise when you think of this person. Whilst it is difficult to understand, this person is pointing you towards your healing. They are a messenger to help you identify your emotional wounds that require healing. I too have such people in my life and whilst I continue to work through my emotional pain, I can see the gift this experience brings to my life. Healing takes place in layers and often requires revisiting something we thought we had transformed. People often ask me: "How will I know when I have healed my emotional wounds?" When the person no longer inflames the emotions, they once triggered.

As I write this article, I have an image in my mind of a Band-Aid being removed from the skin when the healing has taken place. The reason this person provokes you is that you associate them with your wounds. For example, if the person triggers anger in you, you are likely to believe: "This person makes me angry." But they are not the source of your anger, they are the trigger for the anger already present within you. Does this make sense? Can you see how they are not responsible for your anger because the anger was there in the first place? I'm not suggesting it is your fault because we all carry emotional wounds. Those who heal deal with their wounds instead of allowing them to grow and fester, eventually find peace and harmony.

Sometimes, we cannot escape our own healing because we have no other choice than to deal with it. We may run away from the negative emotions or avoid the people that trigger our wounds, but eventually another person will show up who activates the same experience. We must experience the healing and invest our time to transform our wounds, to liberate ourselves from the darkness. You may ask: What does it mean to emotionally heal from a situation? Why do we want to heal our negative emotions? Healing means making peace with our darkness (shadows) and fragmented parts, by integrating them into the wholeness of our true nature. It means looking at them through the lens of compassion, and love so past traumatic experiences no longer dominate our thoughts and emotional wellbeing. It requires resolving anything from our past that prevents us living a joyous and rich life.

Running Away From Negative Emotions

Sometimes we don't know what is holding us back from living a wonderful life until we confront our demons. Is this something you've experienced before? Have you hit a point where the only way to heal your emotions is to face them directly? Emotionally healing means to liberate ourselves from the negativity associated with the emotions. So, if anger is our core wound from childhood, we will carry it around and when someone activates it, we retaliate and go to war with them. We blame the other person for hurting us when they are merely the trigger, and if you follow the trail, they will help set you free. They are your liberator, if you are willing to go to the source and transform it.

It is difficult carrying our emotional wounds because it becomes burdensome and we may experience an emotional crisis or worse still, a breakdown. For some people, they will run away from their negative emotions their entire life and blame outside circumstances for their pain and suffering. Whereas, the core wound has been within them this whole time, like an animal with a thorn in its paw lashing out at those who try to help it. But we are not animals, we are sentiment beings with higher reasoning and logical brains. Therefore, those who test and trigger us the most will help set us free, if we are willing to do the work on ourselves. If not, we will find every excuse to be victims and blame those who expose our negative emotions.

But as mentioned earlier, they are messengers pointing you towards healing and transforming your wounds. I've written in an earlier article, how the work is never easy and sometimes it will ebb and flow. It will push and pull us and just when we think we've had enough, it will yank at us another time. We may be exhausted, angry, frustrated and even disillusioned, however we will also experience realisations and awakenings about ourselves. I've been fortunate to heal and transform many core wounds from my childhood and whilst I wouldn't want to go through the process again, the triggers no longer dominate my life. The negative emotions do not own me because I have made peace with them and seen them for what they are; a smokescreen protected by my egoic self. So, whatever emotional triggers are present in your life, instead of blaming others, trace the pain back to your earliest recollection as a child and gradually heal the wound because your emotional freedom is worth it.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Those-Who-Test-And-Trigger-You-The-Most,-Will-Set-You-Free&id=10217590

Affirmations for Health and Healing - Have a Healthy Body and Mind

Quick Relief for Trauma and PTSD (By Helene Rothschild)

Do you struggle with trauma or PTSD? Did you feel unsafe in your childhood or adult life from abuse? Are you working in a field where you see tragedies that happened to people and animals? You may be, among others, a firefighter, police officer, nurse, doctor, or paramedic.

Are the traumatic experiences staying with you and affecting your life in negative ways? For example, do you have difficulty sleeping, dealing with your loved ones, or being in the present and in joy because the scenes are haunting you?

As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for over 35 years, I have helped many men and women overcome their traumas using a process I developed. HART stands for Holistic and Rapid Transformation.

The therapeutic process uses the power of imagination. If you close your eyes and imagine a scary animal in the room, you will feel fear and your body will react as if it is really there by tightening. However, if you imagine a positive scene where the room is filled with things you love, your body will relax and you will feel safe. Therefore, the emotional and physical body does not know what is in reality, and only responds to what you imagine or visualize.

The other key factor in HART Therapy is the fact that we make decisions from every experience. Those positive or negative decisions affect our lives. For example, when you see a tragedy or experience trauma, you may decide that you and/or people are not safe. That negative thought can cause you to be very anxious, and keep you up nights worrying about your safety as well as your loved ones. Can you relate?

1. Relaxation

To begin, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and relax in a comfortable place where you will not be disturbed. Now rate your calmness from 1-10, 10 being high.

Then imagine you are in a safe place in nature or wherever you feel safe. What are you seeing or imagining? How do you feel there?

And now imagine a color that helps you feel safe and calm. (Blue or green are common colors). Allow that safe calming color to come into the top of your head and go throughout your body helping you feel even safer and calmer. Take two deep breaths.

2. Identifying the Negative decision from a Negative Experience

Now allow yourself to imagine that you are in a movie theater so you are detached from the scene. And allow yourself to project onto the screen a traumatic experience. What negative decision are you making from this negative experience? (Example, I and my loved ones are not safe.) And now white out the scene; the movie theater screen turns white. Take two deep breaths.

3. Creating a Positive Scene to Make a Positive Decision

Now allow yourself to visualize a positive scene. (For example, you and your loved ones are all safe and happy.) What new positive decision are you making from this positive experience? (For example, "My loved ones and I are safe.") Take two deep breaths and open your eyes. To feel grounded, rub your hands together and put them on your legs.

Now rate your calmness again from 1-10. Do you feel calmer? If you are not feeling better, then do the process again, because you may have made more than one negative decision from the disturbing event. (For example, "I am not good enough.")

The HART healing process can be helpful to quickly release any negative thought or image. You deserve to feel good, and you are good enough no matter what happens or does not happen.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Quick-Relief-for-Trauma-and-PTSD&id=9991069