Promise Yourself These 8 Things For A Happy Life

So many people look outside themselves for ways to feel good on the inside. They think self-confidence will come from doing this, having that or looking a certain way. The reality is that although these people are the only ones who can build their own confidence, the way they think and act is doing nothing but tearing it down.

The first time I realized this was in my mid-20s, when I had my quarter-life crisis. My life looked great on paper: well-paying job, cool car, great clothes, fun holidays. Despite all this, I really wasn't happy.

Feeling good about who you are and the life you live shouldn’t depend on a specific outcome, yet all too often people put themselves down or beat themselves up because they haven’t done this or got that. Your confidence shouldn’t be dependent on the goals you've achieved, nor should it be dependent on the feedback you get from others, your dress size or the amount in your bank account.

But if your self-confidence isn’t based on what you’ve got or what you’ve done, how do you build and maintain it?

The answer is deceptively simple. Make the commitment to treat yourself with the same kindness you show the other important people in your life.

The key to feeling good about who you are and the life you live is built on this pact — what I call the Eight Promises, each of which is paired with a mantra to help you learn to live for yourself, not what others think about you.

1. Accept your imperfections.

I am perfectly imperfect.

There's no such thing as perfection, yet so many people exhaust themselves and erode their self-confidence in pursuit of it. When you accept your imperfections you recognize that you have strengths and weaknesses … and that’s OK.

2. Always do your best.

I always do my best, and my best is always good enough.

When you set impossible goals that you have no real chance of achieving, you're setting yourself up for failure before you begin. When you focus on always doing your best, you're able to have much more realistic expectations of yourself and what you can achieve.

3. Stop comparing yourself to others.

I have no need to see myself as more or less than anyone else.

Whether it’s your neighbors, celebrities or the people you see on reality TV, comparing yourself to others will usually leave you feeling inadequate. When you stop comparing yourself to others, the only person you'll need to impress is yourself.

4. Believe in your potential.

I fully expect my life to be happy and rewarding.

Not only is worrying a big waste of energy, it also sends a clear message to your subconscious about your expectations in life. Instead of worrying about things that might never happen, focus your attention and efforts on making the things you want your reality.

5. Silence your inner critic.

I only welcome thoughts that support and encourage me.

The way you speak to yourself has a big bearing on how you feel about yourself; if you speak to yourself in a harsh, critical or belittling way, your confidence will whither. You are the guardian of your self-esteem and you should never speak to yourself more harshly than you would to a small child.

6. Challenge yourself.

I am brave and willing to step outside of my comfort zone

Confidence and self-belief are like muscles; you need to exercise them if you want to grow stronger. When you challenge yourself, you are telling your subconscious that you believe in yourself and that you are willing to back yourself in new circumstances and situations.

7. Stop making excuses.

I take full responsibility for who I am and the life I lead.

If you aren't living your best life, you need to examine not only the things that are getting in your way, but also the reasons you're letting them. When you stop making excuses and start taking responsibility, you're able to enjoy the things that are great about your life while harboring no illusions about what you need to change if you are to enjoy everything else.

8. Treat yourself with love and respect.

I always treat myself with love and respect.

When you love yourself, you treat yourself with as much love and respect as you would your closest friend, be understanding and forgiving of your failings and, above all, be as kind to yourself as you are to the other important people in your life.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-18219/promise-yourself-these-8-things-for-a-happy-life.html

5 Reasons You're Doing Better Than You Think

If you rate yourself on these measures, you won't have a chance.

If you were going to install new flooring in your home, would you determine how much material to order by measuring the size of the room with a random stick? Probably not. Hopefully, you’d use a tape measure that would accurately help you calculate the dimensions. Yet, when it comes to measuring self-worth, many people use something just as unreliable as that random stick.

We all use some sort of measuring stick to determine our value as a human being. When we feel like we’re measuring up, we feel better about ourselves. When we feel like we’ve fallen short, our self-esteem can plummet.

Despite the fact that our particular measuring stick has so much influence over how we feel about ourselves, most people aren’t even conscious of what they’re using to determine their self-worth. But they are conscious of the fluctuations they experience in how they feel about themselves.

Here are 5 common—yet potentially hazardous—ways people measure their self-worth:

1. Who You’re With

There are a few different ways that people depend on others to give them value. While one person may think her worth depends on how much praise she receives from others, someone else may only feel good about himself when he’s in a relationship.

At other times, individuals feel worthy by surrounding themselves with important people. Rubbing shoulders with celebrities or “movers and shakers” fuels their self-importance. A busy social calendar and a lengthy list of personal contacts helps them feel valuable.

Making your self-worth dependent upon others, however, is chasing a moving target. You can’t control other people and you can’t please everyone all the time. If you base your self-worth entirely upon how others perceive you, you’ll never be able to receive enough praise or positive reinforcement to feel good about yourself.

2. What You Do

A career helps many people feel valued. Some people are quick to say something like, “I’m the co-founder of my own firm,” or “I’m a lawyer in private practice” not because it’s what they do—but because it’s who they are. Their career reinforces to them that they’re “somebody.”

Basing your self-worth on your job title, though, is a big risk. A health problem, economic downturn, or unexpected shift in the market may disrupt your career and lead to a major identity crisis. Even a planned retirement could wreak havoc on your self-worth if your identity is tied to your title. In the absence of a high-profile career, you won’t be able to feel good about yourself if you’ve always measured your self-worth by what you do.

3. How Much You Have

We’ve all met people who measure their self-worth by the size of their bank accounts. Sometimes people feel like they just can’t acquire enough wealth to be “valuable enough.” In a desperate attempt to prove their worth, they create a façade of wealth by going deep into debt in hopes a luxury car or beautiful home will help them feel good about themselves.

While it makes sense to place a monetary value on goods and services, it doesn’t make sense to use money to determine your value as a human being. The amount you earn, or the possessions you own, will never be enough to satisfy your need to feel worthy.

4. What You Achieve

Sometimes people want to be known solely for their accomplishments. That person who always brags about her latest business venture may only feel good about herself when she is talking about her accomplishments. Or that person who just can’t stop beating himself up about that time that he failed might struggle to move on because that single incident crushed his self-worth.

It’s normal for your accomplishments to make you feel good, but basing your entire self-worth on your achievements is building your house on an unsteady foundation. You’ll need to experience repeated success in order to keep feeling good about yourself—and that’s hard to maintain over the long haul. When your entire self-worth depends on your achievements, you’ll start to avoid doing things at which you could fail.

5. How You Look

While some people measure their self-worth by the numbers on a scale, others determine their value based on their ability to attract attention with their appearance. Celebrity media can fuel the notion that “you’re only as good as you look.” Marketing strategies frequently target our insecurities about everything from ageing to weight gain.

If you were fortunate enough to be blessed with good looks, your beauty may serve as an advantage in life. But a handsome face or beautiful body won’t last forever. Wrinkles, middle-age spread, gray hair, or a receding hairline can be catastrophic for someone whose self-worth depends on their appearance.

Feeling Good About Who You Are

The way you choose to measure your worth as a person is a major factor in the choices you make, the thoughts you have about life, and the way you feel about yourself. Know what measuring stick you’re using to determine your value and measure your self-worth based on factors you can control—not external events.

When you know who you are—and you’re pleased with the person you’ve become—you’ll maintain a sense of peace throughout life’s inevitable ups and downs. Rather than experience major fluctuations in how you feel about yourself based on your latest success or most recent failure, you’ll believe in yourself regardless.

Measure your self-worth by who you are at your core. Doing so will help you focus on behaving according to your values, instead of chasing things that will only temporarily boost your self-esteem.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201502/5-reasons-youre-doing-better-you-think