You Made a Mistake and EVERYONE Knows It (5 Min Read) (By Natalia Shoutova)

Maria requested leadership coaching. Having been recently promoted, she found herself struggling to meet her own and team responsibilities.

We talk about Maria's role and she constructs a picture of her cobweb of bosses, peer executives and direct reports. Maria is clearly very busy, yet she hesitates to delegate - "what if they don't do a good job, then it will be my fault - I'd rather be criticised for my own mistakes". I ask Maria - how often do you make mistakes? She answers: "I try very hard to avoid mistakes, but sometimes they slip in. Please don't judge me".

Please don't judge me. My coaching alarm bells start ringing. We continue:

Me: How often are you judged by others at work?

Maria: All the time. They notice every mistake. One major slip-up could mean the end of my career. No one else would employ me.

Me: How often are you openly criticised at work? "Openly" meaning "to your face".

Maria: (Thinks for a while). Not that often, but I think that's because I am quite senior. I think they all notice my mistakes and talk behind my back.

Me: How sizeable are the mistakes you are referring to?

Maria struggles to quantify her mistakes.

Me: On scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is insignificant and 10 is catastrophic. Say 1 is forgetting to double-tie your shoelaces, and 10 is accidentally switching off the life support machine.

Maria: Well, last week I forgot to insert the projected sales figures graph into the Monday morning presentation to the entire executive team. That's about 8 on the scale.

Me: 8? How many people in the meeting commented on this?

Maria: No one. But they must have all noticed and must now think that I am an incompetent idiot.

What do you think is happening here?

Maria's worst critic is herself. When she asked me not to judge her, she was in reality judging herself, feeding her self-doubt, performance anxiety and fear of being found out. She also believes that everyone notices her every mistake and judges her negatively on it. Even more so now that she has been promoted. Maria has a tendency to catastrophise - "No one else would employ me". Her perfectionist streak, anxiety and fear of losing control is driving her into the ground with work overload and exhaustion. Maria has lost perspective on her new role and its responsibilities - she is trying to do two jobs at the same time, bringing the framework of her previous role to her new role. Understandably, looking after her wellbeing has dropped to the bottom of the priority pile.

Have you ever been in Maria's shoes?

There are many themes for discussion here, to which I will return in later posts. In this post, I will focus on the Spotlight Effect.

Spotlight Effect is our tendency to overestimate the impact of our behaviour, appearance and performance on others. Back in 1999, scientists at the Cornell University (Gilovich et al., 2000) carried out a series of experiments on the Spotlight Effect, including one where they arranged for a candidate to arrive late to a meeting wearing an embarrassing t-shirt. They then asked the late candidate to estimate what percentage of people in the meeting had noticed the embarrassing t-shirt.

The candidate estimated 50%. In fact only around 25% noticed the t-shirt. Since we are the centre of our own world, we have a tendency to forget that we are not the centre of everyone else's world. This tendency is especially prominent when we do something atypical.

Maria is acutely aware of every mistake that she makes and she gives disproportionate weigh to its impact. She also assumes that everyone else has the same perception and knowledge of her mistake (self-as-target bias) - she is using her own experiences, thoughts and beliefs to estimate (guess) what the others are thinking. Maria is mind reading. Feeling that she is constantly in the spotlight and a target for criticism puts Maria under an enormous pressure to perform. Ironically, this pressure increases her level of overwhelm and exhaustion, making it more likely that she will make more mistakes.

The first step is to become aware of this bias and to gain perspective. Next time you are caught in the spotlight, ask yourself for concrete evidence of what the others are thinking. Try to remain objective - if you expect a negative response your brain will instinctively look for negative evidence to support your (possibly erroneous) belief. So if no one commented on the absence of the projected sales figures graph, perhaps not everyone noticed. Perhaps no one noticed. Get out of your head and refrain from imposing your thoughts on others. What seems important or embarrassing to you may not be so to others.

Mistakes will happen. It's how you deal with them that counts. Certain mistakes may benefit from timely disclosure to the relevant parties to minimise the negative consequences. Other mistakes require an apology or quick action on your behalf. Others may balloon in your head, but have no actual impact on others. If in doubt, effective and timely communication is crucial. Your integrity and reputation may be at stake. For a recent example, see the VW emissions scandal.

Analyse the actual impact of your mistake - what's the worst that can happen? How important will it be in a month's time? How important is it in the grand scheme of your work? Who else may be affected? When was the previous time you made a similar mistake - what where the consequences and how did you deal with them?

Consider what mitigating measures you can take to minimise the potential damage. What stakeholders do you need to communicate with? Make a concrete plan to resolve the issue. Identify what you can learn from your mistake and how you can adapt your working practices to minimise the chance of it happening again. However, refrain from ruminating on the mistake - churning it in your head will not resolve the matter; conversely, it may further entrench the problematic thought patterns, rather than give you the headspace to come up with a solution.

Remember you have a choice as to how you respond, so take proactive decisions, rather than "head in the sand" or "let's see what happens" approach. Victim-mentality disempowers you.

Challenge your generalisations. "No one will employ me". No one? "They all noticed my mistake" All? What's your evidence for that?

It is important to realise that the negative perception issue originates within you - not from outside. Being too critical of yourself or doubting your abilities will filter how you think other perceive you. It's time for self-building work. And if you find below questions awkward, get a coach to help you.

- Write down three achievements that you are proud of?

- What skills, strengths and talents these demonstrate?

- Write down three challenges that you have overcome?

- Identify what resources and strengths you employed.

- Work out strategies to make more effective use of your skills, strengths and talents.

- What areas could you develop further?

- What work tasks do you shy away from because you lack confidence in your abilities?

- What would help to grow your abilities in this area?

- Come up with concrete strategies to develop your confidence and abilities.

Neglecting your physical and mental wellbeing is a form of self-sabotage. Set aside enough time and headspace to look after your wellbeing - fitness, nutrition, sleep, time for relaxation and holidays. Being on top form will enable you to perform better and feel more positive about yourself. In turn, this will help you to project the best version of yourself to others.

The flip side of the Spotlight Effect is that your positive contributions may also be less noticeable to others than they are to you. So you may need to make more effort to bring them to their attention. Such as the excellent project you have just completed or the fact that your marketing initiative is responsible for the booming sales figures last week.

http://ezinearticles.com/?You-Made-a-Mistake-and-EVERYONE-Knows-It-(5-Min-Read)&id=9307860

Development of Mind

The mind is unquestionably, the most versatile weapon in our arsenal. It has many abilities, which makes it a precious prize. Invaluable even! But it wouldn't be very wrong to question just how powerful the mind really is. After all, in most of our cases, we've barely ever tried to test our minds to the extremes. And so, that is a very valid question.

If you've watched movies like Matrix, Inception, etc. you have some idea of what I mean by mind power. Although, the movies do tend to be highly exaggerated, there are certain things and aspects that are true. Let us take a look at some of the incredible things that the mind is capable of doing, if trained appropriately.

1. Mental Visualization

We are all familiar with the term imagination. But visualization is one of those unique mental powers, which allows the mind to see beyond what is in front of the eyes.

These visualizations are often mistaken as psychic powers. That is not the case, as per scientists, who proved that though visualization was a very powerful tool, it didn't predict much.

2. Telepathy

The ability to hear and speak to people, through the mind, is known as telepathy. This is something very uncommon, but cannot be called unreal. There are people who are capable of doing it or have proven them capable when tested.

What telepathy majorly involves is the transmission of energy waves, from the source (mind of speaker) to the destination (mind of listener). These are shared only between the two people. In certain theories, these mind waves can be intercepted. But that is not a proved theory, hence holds no ground.

Behavioural scientists often call telepathy a hoax, saying mind-reading is simply a highly advanced reading of a person's body- language. Hence, when people read your mind, they are simply shooting arrows in the dark. We think it is real but more than often it isn't.

3. Telekinesis

The ability to control and change the shape of objects, purely by will. Remember that age-old trick of bending the spoon? That was an absolute hoax. No person till date has managed to prove any telekinesis in a scientifically controlled environment.

There was the case of Swami Rama, a highly skilled yogi, who once proved that he had telekinetic powers in a controlled laboratory. But through the experiment, at least one of the physicists present, said that it was in fact air and not telekinesis that moved the object.

Telekinesis was something highly believed in before science caught up. People used to hold shows entirely based on telekinesis, which were later proved to be nothing but slight of hand.

4. Levitation

Levitation is the ability to float in air. There is a very advanced level of yogic practice, coupled with meditation, which can actually allow you to levitate (as per some yoga gurus). Although there is insufficient working proof of how it is done, there have been plenty of reports, about sightings of levitating yogi's from the Himalayas.

The art of levitation talks about how the body, being enslaved by the mind, is led to believe it is light enough and then it is pulled into the air, by the constant energy from within.

In yoga, it is considered one of the most supreme forms of mental powers, attained only after years of relentless meditation and practice.

5. Time Control

Time control does not mean controlling the day and night cycle. It is the mind's ability to slow down things and view it in motion. This is something that people with very high levels of adrenaline in the body experience.

Some of the Himalayan yogi's are able to control their heartbeats at will. This helps them to slow down time as well, or at least, that is the claim.

The scientific background between excess adrenaline and slowing down effect, can be heard of among sportsmen or athletes. But it is not something that is advisable or for that matter, clinically doable.

While movie like mind power may not be a reality today, human evolution is not something that human beings can predict with science alone. Nature has its own ways and no one can really compete with it.

Among all the fake powers, there are some listed mental powers that do actually work. They don't sound very powerful but the following four abilities, if developed well, can help a person progress to great heights.

1. Imagination

2. Calculation

3. Focus

4. Observation

These four are extremely strong suits to develop and may seem layman in nature, but at this point are the best tools we have.

So it doesn't matter whether or not you can move objects and fly around, the real question is, when you fall... do you hit the ground running?

Different, powerful Apps and tolls have of late been invented to help people successfully improve their mind power. You can download the 5 top ones here 

Click Here to Download Your FREE Guide

http://ezinearticles.com/?Development-of-Mind&id=9338940

9 Ways to Say No to Negativity

Use proven techniques for seeing the bright side—for a powerful effect on your psyche.

When you’re naturally a glass-half-empty kind of person, hearing slogans like “Think positive!” can make you feel like you’re an occasional jogger being told to run a marathon… tomorrow. Before you can implement positivity strategies—and reap their benefits of improved health, better relationships and more happiness—you have to start by decreasing negativity.

We collected the best negativity reduction tips from psychologists, coaches and authors to help you identify your look-on-the-gray-side habits and begin to chip away at them. There’s a shiny bright side waiting for you!

1. Set reasonable goals. “A lot of people who see the negative side of things also tend to put themselves down because they set huge, intimidating goals that are difficult to attain,” says Lavinia Lumezanu, a marketing executive and leadership trainer. So instead of saying, “I’m going to write a book this year!” start with a goal of signing up for a writers’ class or completing three pages instead. The satisfaction in reaching these smaller goals will motivate you to reach the next one.

2. Turn “problems” into “challenges.” Words are very powerful, says Kristi Ling, author of Empower Your Day: Keys to Creating More Happiness, Energy and Success Through Positive Mornings. “Try creating a list of negative words or phrases that you use often and replace them with ones that are a bit more positive.” If you regularly complain of problems, for example, start referring to them as challenges instead. Eliminate the phrase “I should…” from your self-talk, too, and replace it with “I could choose to…,” says licensed mental health counselor Carol Patterson, a therapist in Vancouver, Wash. “Should” carries obligation, dread and resentment. “Choose” puts you in the driver’s seat, as in “I could choose to do this laundry now so that I can relax tonight.” While it may seem like simple semantics, the words you use every day in your self-talk can have a real effect on your attitude.

3. Reset your default answer. People who are naturally negative tend to use no as their first response to new ideas and experiences, says Lynette Louise, a neurofeedback therapist. “In part, they do this to buy time while actually making a decision, but then they end up defending the ‘no’ choice and sticking to it, even at times when they might not have.” Default instead to “I’m not sure; give me a minute,” she suggests. Then try to find a good reason to say yes before you say no.

4. Display that award. “It can be important to have physical reminders of positivity in one’s environment,” says Frank Addonizio, Ph.D., vice president of Global Clinical Counseling Services for Workplace Options, an employee work-life services company in Raleigh, N.C. What works: anything that reminds you of past achievements (awards, published writing, a business card), satisfying relationships (photos, artwork by your kids) or positive personal attributes (maybe a gift or letter from an appreciative client or boss that details some of your talents). It’s hard to get down on yourself in the face of real proof of your abilities and full life.

5. Put your hands up! Historically, humans and other animals have expressed power through large, open postures. Think of a peacock fanning his tail or a negotiator standing and straightening up while her opponent sits. Powerlessness is conveyed through body language, too; think of frightened children curled in the fetal position, or a shy person with slouched shoulders and downcast eyes. Standing up tall and spreading your arms might make you look bigger and more powerful, but can it actually convey power? In 2012 researchers from Harvard asked study participants to hold either one of two “power poses” (one was leaning back in a chair with hands behind head, elbows out and legs raised on a table in front) or a low-power pose (standing with arms hugging chest and ankles crossed) for one minute each. Before-and-after heart rate and blood tests showed that those who held the high-power pose increased their levels of testosterone (a hormone involved with feelings and expressions of confidence and dominance) and lowered their levels of cortisol (a stress hormone). In interviews, they revealed feeling more powerful and open to risk. Low-power posers had the opposite results.

So the next time you need a confidence boost, strike a pose. Dana Santas, the yoga trainer for the Philadelphia Phillies, the Pittsburgh Pirates and the Tampa Bay Lightning, instructs athletes to hold the “Mountain Pose with Arms Up” when they lose that eye of the tiger. It’s super-simple: Stand with your feet hip-distance apart. Inhale and raise your arms overhead at shoulder width. Close your eyes and take 10 long, deep breaths. On your last exhalation, draw your palms down and together in the middle of your chest and turn the corners of your mouth up in a smile. Take two or three more deep breaths, exhaling through your nose.

6. Be a critical thinker, not a critical person. “I have a client who struggled with always seeing the negative in everything,” says Elaine Taylor-Klaus, a life coach. “We figured out her brain was just wired as a critical thinker. She approaches everything critically, and that can be a good thing. She just had to work on reminding herself that an opportunity for improvement is not a criticism. Something can be not the way she imagined it and not be wrong.” If you’re a critical, analytical thinker, Taylor-Klaus says, recognize that you are likely to have the critical thought first, but practice redirecting those thoughts by asking yourself, What else is also true about this situation/dilemma/person?

7. Wake up on the right side of the bed. When you first wake up, it’s easy to start thinking about all the stuff you have to get done that day or complain about how the kids kept you up all night. Instead of letting your head go to those negative places, Shawn Anderson, author of Extra Mile America: Stories of Inspiration, Possibility and Purpose, suggests asking yourself three “morning questions”: 1)What am I excited about doing today? 2) Who can I encourage or serve today? (Get the focus off yourself.) 3) What am I grateful for? Thinking about all that you have and are excited about can change your outlook and attitude for the whole day.

8. Detox from bad news. We’re not suggesting that you live in a hole or pretend that strife and tragedy don’t exist, but until you can build up some immunity (through these tips and other strategies you’ll find at SUCCESS.com) to the negativity that the evening news can deliver, take a break from it, suggests Colene Elridge, a life coach in Lexington, Ky. If it’s Facebook that’s getting you down (Why does everyone else look so darn happy? Why is everyone posting articles I don’t agree with?), suspend your account. Resist the urge to read the terrible details of the latest crash or kidnapping.

9. Drop your distortions. There are negative things in the world. Some “sky-is-gray” people are skeptical of focusing on the positive in fear of being “delusional” and not seeing those very real negatives, says Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. But we all have cognitive thinking distortions that can alter our perceptions of reality, she says, perhaps causing the negatives to appear fun-house-mirror large. A few common distortions include mind reading, when you assume you know what others think (someone asks you to lunch, for example, and you assume it’s because he feels bad for you); fortune telling, when you predict the future negatively and then react as if that prediction is imminent (you assume an upcoming company meeting means you’re being let go and begin bad-mouthing your boss and ignoring work); or dichotomous thinking, in which everything is all or nothing (Everyone thinks I am a loser or no one can be trusted). Recognize what your distortions are and see whether you can view circumstances through a clearer, more helpful lens.

http://www.success.com/article/9-ways-to-say-no-to-negativity

10 Thinking Errors That Will Crush Your Mental Strength

... and how to overcome them.

       

Mental strength requires a three-pronged approach—managing our thoughts,regulating our emotions, and behaving productively despite our circumstances.

While all three areas can be a struggle, it's often our thoughts that make it most difficult to be mentally strong. 

As we go about our daily routines, our internal monologue narrates our experience. Our self-talk guides our behavior and influences the way we interact with others. It also plays a major role in how you feel about yourself, other people, and the world in general.

Quite often, however, our conscious thoughts aren't realistic; they're irrational and inaccurate. Believing our irrational thoughts can lead to problems including communication issues, relationship problems, and unhealthy decisions.

Whether you're striving to reach personal or professional goals, the key to success often starts with recognizing and replacing inaccurate thoughts. The most common thinking errors can be divided into these 10 categories, which are adapted from David Burns's book, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy.

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking

Sometimes we see things as being black or white: Perhaps you have two categories of co-workers in your mind—the good ones and the bad ones. Or maybe you look at each project as either a success or a failure. Recognize the shades of gray, rather than putting things in terms of all good or all bad.

2. Over-generalizing

It's easy to take one particular event and generalize it to the rest of our life. If you failed to close one deal, you may decide, "I'm bad at closing deals." Or if you are treated poorly by one family member, you might think, "Everyone in my family is rude." Take notice of times when an incident may apply to only one specific situation, instead of all other areas of life.

3. Filtering Out the Positive

If nine good things happen, and one bad thing, sometimes we filter out the good and hone in on the bad. Maybe we declare we had a bad day, despite the positive events that occurred. Or maybe we look back at our performance and declare it was terrible because we made a single mistake. Filtering out the positive can prevent you from establishing a realistic outlook on a situation. Develop a balanced outlook by noticing both the positive and the negative.

4. Mind-Reading

We can never be sure what someone else is thinking. Yet, everyone occasionally assumes they know what's going on in someone else's mind. Thinking things like, "He must have thought I was stupid at the meeting," makes inferences that aren't necessarily based on reality. Remind yourself that you may not be making accurate guesses about other people's perceptions.

5. Catastrophising

Sometimes we think things are much worse than they actually are. If you fall short on meeting your financial goals one month you may think, "I'm going to end up bankrupt," or "I'll never have enough money to retire," even though there's no evidence that the situation is nearly that dire. It can be easy to get swept up into catastrophizing a situation once your thoughts become negative. When you begin predicting doom and gloom, remind yourself that there are many other potential outcomes.

6. Emotional Reasoning

Our emotions aren't always based on reality but we often assume those feelings are rational. If you're worried about making a career change, you might assume, "If I'm this scared about it, I just shouldn't change jobs." Or, you may be tempted to assume, "If I feel like a loser, I must be a loser." It's essential to recognize that emotions, just like our thoughts, aren't always based on the facts.

7. Labelling

Labelling involves putting a name to something. Instead of thinking, "He made a mistake," you might label your neighbour as "an idiot." Labelling people and experiences places them into categories that are often based on isolated incidents. Notice when you try to categorize things and work to avoid placing mental labels on everything.

8. Fortune-telling

Although none of us knows what will happen in the future, we sometimes like to try our hand at fortune-telling. We think things like, "I'm going to embarrass myself tomorrow," or "If I go on a diet, I'll probably just gain weight." These types of thoughts can become self-fulfilling prophecies if you're not careful. When you're predicting doom and gloom, remind yourself of all the other possible outcomes.

9. Personalization

As much as we'd like to say we don't think the world revolves around us, it's easy to personalize everything. If a friend doesn't call back, you may assume, "She must be mad at me," or if a co-worker is grumpy, you might conclude, "He doesn't like me." When you catch yourself personalizing situations, take time to point out other possible factors that may be influencing the circumstances.

10. Unreal Ideal

Making unfair comparisons about ourselves and other people can ruin our motivation. Looking at someone who has achieved much success and thinking, "I should have been able to do that," isn't helpful, especially if that person had some lucky breaks or competitive advantages along the way. Rather than measuring your life against someone else's, commit to focusing on your own path to success.

Fixing Thinking Errors

Once you recognize your thinking errors, you can begin trying to challenge those thoughts. Look for exceptions to the rule and gather evidence that your thoughts aren't 100% true. Then, you can begin replacing them with more realistic thoughts.

The goal doesn't need to be to replace negative thoughts with overly idealistic or positive ones. Instead, replace them with realistic thoughts. Changing the way you think takes a lot of effort initially, but with practice, you'll notice big changes—not just in the way you think, but also in the way you feel and behave. You can make peace with the past, look at the present differently, and think about the future in a way that will support your chances of reaching your goals.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201501/10-thinking-errors-will-crush-your-mental-strength