How to Stop Being Resentful and Start Being Happy

We all attract situations we like to complain about - situations that drain our physical energy, disturb our emotional equilibrium and waste our money. How many times have you had to listen to someone's problems out of obligation? How unhappy are you about some of your relationships? Does your partner annoy you because they are not tidy, they are irresponsible, they don't earn enough, they are not sophisticated enough, they eat too much, they drink too much, and they don't care about your feelings? How many times have you complained about all the things you resent, and to how many people? How long have you played the role of a legitimate victim, feeling righteous and drinking your own poison?

Even if it only happens to you occasionally, it is time you learnt how to deal with the resentment. It's time you took control.

So let's say you are in a relationship you are not happy about. Your partner is moody, they get angry and they criticize you a lot. You know it won't change - it has already been going on long enough for you to have worked out as much. What do you do to turn things around? Quite simply - you commit! You commit 100% to either getting out of the relationship or staying in the relationship. Commitment is making a conscious choice today about which way you want to go, and putting your mind, your soul and your heart where your words are. By now you have enough information and you know what you are in for. Importantly, if you choose to stay in the relationship (which is a perfectly valid choice) you automatically lose the right to complain. But don't despair! The good news is that when you consciously choose a situation and you commit to it 100%, resentment no longer fits in energetically. If you continue to complain and keep the victim mentality, it means you are not committed. You are half way in, half way out. Commit! You are either in or you are out. Either way, your commitment will dissolve your resentment and open the door to happiness.

Now, what if you are facing a situation you have no prior information about? How do you consciously choose something without knowing the outcome? Quite simply - you commit again! You commit to the process, not to the outcome. If you have to have a conversation with your boss about your work load, commit to the conversation while releasing the attachment to a particular outcome. Again, with your commitment made, you lose the right to complain. And sure enough, if you are 100% committed to the process, resentment never arises. Whether you win or you lose, you did what you committed yourself fully to doing and that is enough to make you feel happy and content. If you feel less than happy, you should know you were not 100% committed to the process, and you were probably attached to a particular outcome.

Commitment is declaring to the world that you choose something with your mind, your soul and your heart. Importantly though, it is a moment by moment act of choosing. Only because you committed to something today, doesn't mean you have to commit to it again tomorrow. You can re-evaluate your commitment based on your instincts, intuition, logic, knowledge already gained and lessons already learnt. But until you make a new commitment, you need to stick to the commitment already made 100%. Remember, resentment can only creep in in the absence of full commitment. So don't be wishy-washy. Be committed, moment by moment, every step of the way. For commitment is the only thing that can save you from resentment and unhappiness.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Stop-Being-Resentful-and-Start-Being-Happy&id=9765951

How To Accept Rejection

We learn at an early age that we don't get everything we want. In other words, we have had to deal with rejection since childhood. This makes you think that people accept rejection easily. However, the exact opposite is usually true.

People start to develop an invisible shield against rejection. They may show anger or resentment to the people who are serving up the rejection. But, in many cases, it can show who is resilient and who is likely to continue until they get what they want.

No one likes to hear negative comments about themselves. People take it personally. However, knowing the reason for rejection can help change your direction. You can correct the aspects that made people reject you in the first place.

This won't work with everything. For instance, if a person you are attracted to does not return the favor, it may be difficult or impossible to turn this around. Then again, there are numerous stories of people who persevered even when they were rejected time and again, and won the love of their lives.

Another instance where you may face rejection is during a job interview. Many candidates will pass this off as incompetence on the part of the interviewer, and there are certainly cases where this is true. But, you should always try to evaluate the reasons why the interviewer did not choose you. You'd be surprised at how few people even ask for the reasons. Interviewers won't typically volunteer this information. Many will feel you don't care if you don't ask.

In many cases, rejection is not personal. You may not have the necessary skills when seeking a job, or you may not have enough experience, etc. In other cases, it may be somewhat personal, but it may be in your best interest to get rejected. For instance, if you don't have an aggressive personality, do you want to pursue a career that requires one? If you are in sales, you need to have this driving personality to succeed.

Finally, use rejection to your benefit. People who accept rejection and don't give up are usually the ones who eventually get that acceptance. Sometimes, the very fact that you are persevering is what turns the tables from rejection to acceptance. Who is to say that next opportunity is not the one that will accept you? You won't know unless you continue on your quest.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Accept-Rejection&id=9585849

How To Deal With Resentments

Some people can spend hours dwelling on the wrongs done to them; the injustices, the slights, the snubs, and the accusations or from just bad treatment. They can think of a particular instance and up comes the same feeling the original event, and they get angry all over again. To resent something or someone is once again feeling the fear, the anger, the hurt, the humiliation and the pain of the original experience - real or imagined.

When resentments are held onto and not healed, they go on to form harmful beliefs and patterns of behaviour, where blaming and judgement now justify those behaviours. Sadly, this then inhibits any emotional trauma resulting from the original event having an avenue through which it can be released. The effect of holding onto the emotional trauma as well as the resentment, creates further pain and dysfunction in the physical body, so our health is also affected.

Resentment stifles internal growth.

Resentment stifles inner growth, which in turn adversely affects our personal outer world and how we reflect upon the world at large. When resentment takes hold it drags us down. The heavy load packed full of blame and judgement keeps us bounded in fear; the fear of letting go. The idea of no longer being supported by the thoughts and energy that we are right to be judgemental further increases our need to hold on to the resentment. The idea of dismantling the scaffolding that has held us up, kept us strong, and others at bay, and keeping our heart firmly closed is not an option when resentment rules our thoughts and our feelings. Resentment eats away at self-esteem and peace of mind. Our internal health crumbles away where feelings of hope are swallowed up by bitterness and blame.

Of course, we can't always have control over what happened to us, especially if we were children, but as adults we do have choice. And it's when we exercise that special gift we can free our selves from the most strangling of thoughts and behaviours. The greatest gift that choice offers each one of us, is that we can take ownership of our feelings and behaviours and so determine the outcome of our life and the path that we tread. A life filled with resentments binds us tight and cripples any chance of creating a life that is happy and joyful where we can express our true self that is loving, kind and compassionate. The light that emanates from our true nature shines a path that is blessed, rewarding and incredibly fulfilling.

Any time resentment takes up emotional space, it indicates there's an issue that has not yet been resolved. So take a look inside, see where it is coming from and more importantly why. Take time to explore, as sometimes holding onto resentment is a way of avoiding pain. As you delve inside and unlock that door the pain too has a chance to heal. You also give your self the opportunity to relook at the event or situation that gave rise to the resentment in the first place, and where a clearer understanding can come into view.

How to deal with old resentments.

Write them down; talk about them, not in a blaming way, but with a willingness to see all aspects of the issue. Look also, for the wisdom being presented; the golden nugget of wisdom that will bring clarity, offering you the chance to determine of what can be let go of and what requires more work. You may begin to see where love and understanding can create a deep sense of wholeness and inner peace.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Deal-With-Resentments&id=9661461

Tim Ferriss: 7 Great Principles for Dealing with Haters

Dealing with negativity online can be tough, which was why we were all ears when Tim Ferriss, author of The Four Hour Work Week, took the stage at The Next Web '10 event in Amsterdam to discuss how to learn to love haters. 

While Mashable recently offered you advice on how to deal with negative feedback specifically in the social media realm, Ferriss takes the concept a step further with advice on how to contend with — and benefit from — criticism across all platforms. 

We caught up with Ferriss backstage at the event to find out more about his seven principles for dealing with haters. 

Read on for some interesting ideas and let us know which work for you — as well as your own strategies — in the comments below. 

1. It doesn't matter how many people don't get it. What matters is how many people do.

"It's critical in social media, as in life, to have a clear objective and not to lose sight of that," Ferriss says. He argues that if your objective is to do the greatest good for the greatest number of people or to change the world in some small way (be it through a product or service), you only need to pick your first 1,000 fans — and carefully. "As long as you're accomplishing your objectives, that 1,000 will lead to a cascading effect," Ferriss explains. "The 10 million that don't get it don't matter." 

2. 10% of people will find a way to take anything personally. Expect it.

"People are least productive in reactive mode," Ferriss states, before explaining that if you are expecting resistance and attackers, you can choose your response in advance, as opposed to reacting inappropriately. This, Ferriss says, will only multiply the problem. "Online I see people committing 'social media suicide' all the time by one of two ways. Firstly by responding to all criticism, meaning you're never going to find time to complete important milestones of your own, and by responding to things that don't warrant a response." This, says Ferriss, lends more credibility by driving traffic. 

3. "Trying to get everyone to like you is a sign of mediocrity." (Colin Powell)

"If you treat everyone the same and respond to everyone by apologizing or agreeing, you're not going to be recognizing the best performers, and you're not going to be improving the worst performers," Ferriss says. "That guarantees you'll get more behavior you don't want and less you do." That doesn't mean never respond, Ferriss goes on to say, but be "tactical and strategic" when you do. 

4. "If you are really effective at what you do, 95% of the things said about you will be negative." (Scott Boras)

"This principle goes hand-in-hand with number two," Ferriss says. "I actually keep this quote in my wallet because it is a reminder that the best people in almost any field are almost always the people who get the most criticism." The bigger your impact, explains Ferriss (whose book is a New York Times, WSJ and BusinessWeek bestseller), and the larger the ambition and scale of your project, the more negativity you'll encounter. Ferriss jokes he has haters "in about 35 languages."

5. "If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." (Epictetus)

"Another way to phrase this is through a more recent quote from Elbert Hubbard," Ferriss says. "'To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing." Ferriss, who holds a Guinness World Record for the most consecutive tango spins, says he has learned to enjoy criticism over the years. Ferriss, using Roman philosophy to expand on his point, says: "Cato, who Seneca believed to be the perfect stoic, practiced this by wearing darker robes than was customary and by wearing no tunic. He expected to be ridiculed and he was, he did this to train himself to only be ashamed of those things that are truly worth being ashamed of. To do anything remotely interesting you need to train yourself to be effective at dealing with, responding to, even enjoying criticism... In fact, I would take the quote a step further and encourage people to actively pursue being thought foolish and stupid." 

6. "Living well is the best revenge." (George Herbert)

"The best way to counter-attack a hater is to make it blatantly obvious that their attack has had no impact on you," Ferriss advises. "That, and [show] how much fun you're having!" Ferriss goes on to say that the best revenge is letting haters continue to live with their own resentment and anger, which most of the time has nothing to do with you in particular. "If a vessel contains acid and you pour some on an object, it's still the vessel that sustains the most damage," Ferriss says. "Don't get angry, don't get even — focus on living well and that will eat at them more than anything you can do."

7. Keep calm and carry on.

The slogan "Keep Calm and Carry On" was originally produced by the British government during the Second World War as a propaganda message to comfort people in the face of Nazi invasion. Ferriss takes the message and applies it to today's world. "Focus on impact, not approval. If you believe you can change the world, which I hope you do, do what you believe is right and expect resistance and expect attackers," Ferriss concludes. "Keep calm and carry on!"

http://mashable.com/2010/04/29/deal-with-haters-tim-ferriss/#BZo1i9dPP8qP

6 Things Happy People Never Do

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future;

it is something you design into the present.

Happy people do a lot of things.  They spend time expressing gratitude, cultivating optimism, practicing kindness, nurturing loving relationships, committing to meaningful goals, savoring life’s little pleasures, and so on and so forth.

But they NEVER…

1.  Mind other people’s business.

Forget about what others are doing.  Stop looking at where they are and what they have.  Nobody is doing better than you because nobody can do better than you.  YOU are walking your own path.  Sometimes the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes circumstances with everyone else’s public highlight reel.  We listen to the noise of the world, instead of ourselves.  So stop the comparisons!  Ignore the distractions.  Listen to your own inner voice.  Mind your own business.

Keep your best wishes and your biggest goals close to your heart and dedicate time to them every day.  Don’t be scared to walk alone, and don’t be scared to enjoy it.  Don’t let anyone’s ignorance, drama, or negativity stop you from being the best you can be.  Keep doing what you know in your heart is right, for YOU.  Because when you are focused on meaningful work and at peace within yourself, almost nothing can shake you.  

2.  Seek validation of self-worth from others.

When you are content to simply be yourself, without comparing and competing to impress others, everyone worthwhile will respect you.  And even more importantly, you will respect yourself.

How are you letting others define you?  What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Truth be told, no one has the right to judge you.  People may have heard your stories, and they may think they know you, but they can’t feel what you are going through; they aren’t living YOUR life.  So forget what they think and say about you.  Focus on how you feel about yourself, and keep walking the path that feels best under your feet.

Those who accept you are your friends.  Those who don’t are your teachers.  If someone calls you something and it’s true, it’s not your problem because it’s true.  If someone calls you something and it’s not true, it’s not your problem because it’s not true.  Either way, whatever they call you is not your problem.  What other people call you is their problem…

What you call yourself, and who you decide to become, is your problem.

3.  Rely on other people and external events for happiness.

Unhappiness lies in that gap between what we have now and what we think we need.  But the truth is, we don’t need to acquire anything more to be content with what we already have.  We don’t need anyone else’s permission to be happy.  Your life is magnificent not because someone says it is, or because you have acquired something new, but because you choose to see it as such.  Don’t let your happiness be held hostage.  It is always yours to choose, to live and experience.

As soon as you stop making everyone and everything else responsible for your happiness, the happier you’ll be.  If you’re unhappy now, it’s not someone else’s fault.  Take full responsibility for your own unhappiness, and you will instantly gain the ability to be happier.  Stop seeking in vain to arrange conditions that will make you happy.  Simply choose to appreciate the greatness that is yours in this moment, and the right conditions will start to line up around the contentment you seek.

The greater part of your happiness or unhappiness depends upon your outlook, and not upon our situation.  Even if things aren’t perfect right now, think of all the beauty still left around you.  A good reason to smile is always one thought away; choose to tap into it any time you like. 

4.  Hold on to resentment.

Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghosts from your past.  What happened in the past is just one chapter in your story; don’t close the book, just turn the page.

We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others, and while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long.  Feelings of resentment urge us to relive the same pain over and over, and we have a hard time letting go.

Forgiveness is the remedy.  It allows you to focus on the future without combating the past.  To understand the infinite potential of everything going forward is to forgive everything already behind you.  Without forgiveness, wounds can never be healed and personal growth can never be achieved.  It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened.  It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.

5.  Spend prolonged periods of time in negative environments.

You can’t make positive choices for the rest of your life without an environment that makes those choices easy, natural, and enjoyable.  So protect your spirit and potential from contamination by limiting your time with negative people and the environments they inhabit.

When other people invite you to act like victims, when they whine and moan about the unfairness of life, for example, and ask you to agree, to offer condolences, and to participate in their grievances, WALK AWAY.  When you join in that game of negativity you always lose.

Even when you’re alone, create a positive mental space for yourself.  Make it a point to give up all the thoughts that make you feel bad, or even just a few of them that have been troubling you, and see how doing that changes your life.  You don’t need negative thoughts.  They are all lies.  They solve nothing.  All they have ever given you is a false self that suffers for no reason.  

6.  Resist the truth.

It is a certain death trap when we spend our lives learning how to lie, because eventually these lies grow so strong in our minds that we become bad at seeing, telling and living our own truth.  Lives come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies.  If you resist the truth, you will live a lie every day as the truth haunts your thoughts every night.  You simply can’t get away from your truth by moving dishonestly from one place to the next.

So don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to hide the truth with deception; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion of what’s popular.  It is better to offer no explanation or excuse than a false one.  It takes courage and strength to admit the truth, but it is the only way to truly live.  Accept what is, embrace it fully, and live for the possibilities that lie ahead.

http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/07/16/6-things-happy-people-never-do/