Are You Where You Want To Be In Life

Are you where you want to be in life - financially, health-wise, relationships or your career? Silly question? I don't think so. I've asked myself this question dozens of times during my life and I have to admit more often than not the answer to one of the life areas was - no.

In life, you can only be one of three places (I'm being general here) - where you were or have been, where you are now and where you will be in the future. I know this might at first seem a bit confusing but think about it - for example - where are you now - in your car, your office your kitchen or backyard - the simple answers.

Where do you want to be tomorrow - the hard answers - because here's where it can get a bit tricky. But, keep this question in mind generally - don't get into the weeds about every single life area - just consider the bigger picture of your life. For example in the future - you want to be with someone or someone different, you want to be working somewhere else or retired, you want to be better off financially or you want to rid yourself of this current negative health condition that is plaguing you now - yes there are hundred's more questions like these - I used these to keep the process but not necessarily the results - simple.

Here's the challenge. You will ultimately be where today takes you - so if you want to be somewhere different tomorrow you have to take the action to get there - today. Fail to take it and tomorrow you will be in the same place you are now - and again to be clear - I'm not talking here about whether you are in your car or the kitchen, I'm confident if you are still reading you have figured out the subtleties I am trying to share.

So, where do you want to be that's a different place tomorrow? Go ahead take a minute and jot down a few items like - better or different; job, relationship, where you live, what you drive, who your friends are, how healthy you are, your financial condition- go ahead - write them down - as many as you can - trust me you can't get there if you are not clear about where "there" is. And why - well if you don't know what they are what do you think the chances are they things will change or be different tomorrow than they are today?

I will guarantee that everyone wants something better, new or different tomorrow in some area of their life - to be younger, to be with different people, to be living someplace new, etc. Whether it's a small difference or a major one is not the issue - what is the issue - is your willingness to either let go of the wish, goal, plan or desire - essentially give up or settle - OR to take the necessary moves or steps today to get there or to start to make it happen.

Why do people wish for something better or different and then do nothing to get there? Why do they settle? Why do they give up or in? Why do they quit? I could go on for hours or pages but how about just three (yes there are many more) quick reasons; 1) The fear of the unknown future - will it really be better or different or should I just stay where I am? Can I control the future? What if it doesn't turn out the way I hoped? 2)The fear of rejection or failure - what if I try and don't succeed?

What if I go for it and people laugh at me for doing so at this stage or time in my life? 3)The fear of success. What if I do go for it and get it or achieve it and it doesn't live up to my expectations or needs?

Here's the major problem that you are facing if you have any of these three fears - you are tending to define your future by your past or present; experiences, attitudes, outcomes, choices, etc. In other words, you have always struggled financially so why expect that the future will be any different. You have always been disappointed in relationships so why should you anticipate that the future will be better or different? Everyone, you know in your age group, gender, race, religion, etc. has never done what you want to do? Got it - with these mindsets you are letting the decisions or choices of others or your past rule your ultimate future.

No one knows what is around the next corner whether you are broke or a millionaire, stupid or the smartest person in the room, healthy or really sick, beautiful or handsome or ugly as sin, etc. No one knows how actions, choices, decisions or anything will be or turn out tomorrow. It's all about desire, faith, courage, passion, effort, and acceptance and yes - resilience, self-trust, patience, and hope. If you don't have these - stay stuck. If you have them - go for it.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Are-You-Where-You-Want-To-Be-In-Life&id=10158483

Healing a 'Fix Others' Addiction

Many of us were raised to base our identity on helping or fixing others. Fixing others is often the addiction of choice for people who have a naturally deep level of empathy and who easily feel others' pain.

This was one of my major addictions for many years. Deeply feeling my parents' pain and the pain of others around me was unbearable to me as a child. I thought that if only I could make them happy then I wouldn't have to feel their pain.

Leslie is struggling with this very issue:

"I am completely attached and addicted to trying to help my sister. I can see now that my health and chronic pain is very much linked to hers - not wanting to be better/healthier than her for fear of rejection abandonment and criticism. If you have any words on how to release the habit of obsessing over others problems and the need to "fix it" before I can be happy and free, would be greatly appreciated."

Leslie, as I discovered with myself when I started to practice my inner work process, the fear of rejection, abandonment and criticism comes from rejecting, abandoning and criticizing yourself. You are making your sister responsible for whether or not you are okay, which means that you are making her responsible for your feelings. As you learn and practice doing inner work and learn to take loving care of yourself, you will naturally be able to let go of your addiction to fixing her.

You not only have the right to be happy and free, you also have the responsibility for creating your own happiness and freedom, instead of making your sister responsible for this. As you diligently practice the inner work process and develop your loving adult self and your spiritual connection, you will gradually have an easier time focusing on what you need rather than on what she needs.

Trying to fix her has nothing to do with loving yourself or with loving her. In fact, trying to fix her is very controlling. It took me a long time to understand that fixing others is a form of control, but once I understood this and accepted that my responsibility is to love myself and share my love with others, I was able to let go of fixing.

Sharon has a similar issue:

"How do you conquer unhealthy attachments, or rather, if you had become attached because of fear of abandonment or desire to "fix" (both co-dependent traits), how do you help break those ties and find self love and self trust again? When you are always thinking about the "other" person/breakup/past issues, it is hard to live in the moment and not be overwhelmed with worry, sadness or anxiety."

Sharon, as an adult, the fear of abandonment comes from self-abandonment - such as judging yourself, staying in your head and ignoring your feelings, turning to addictions, and making others responsible for your feelings. Your worry, sadness and anxiety are telling you that you are abandoning yourself. Self-abandonment comes from the intent to control others and avoid your own feelings, and this is what leads to unhealthy attachments and trying to fix others. As long as you don't have a strong inner connection with your feeling self - your inner child - and with a personal source of love and wisdom, you will continue to attach to others in unhealthy ways. Like Leslie, you need to learn to love yourself by learning and practising the inner work healing process.

You CAN heal a 'fixing others' addiction by focusing on learning to love yourself rather than continuing to abandon yourself. If I can do it, so can you!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Healing-a-Fix-Others-Addiction&id=9092740