Three Steps to Inner Growth

Inner growth is defined as many things: life lessons, wisdom, knowledge, and evolution, to name a few.

It's typically acquired as a result of life experiences, and usually those particular experiences aren't very pleasant. Humans seem to be wired to learn through pain, which I guess makes a lot of sense when you think about it. After all, if everything was hunky dorey all the time and we felt good about all aspects of our life, why would we want to take a chance on ruining all that just to learn something?

Although inner growth occurs along a path, that path is rarely steady, even, or straight. However, it almost always consists of three main steps:

1. Awareness of the issue. Typically this awareness comes as a result of an uncomfortableness you feel when something's not working for you in your life. Most often this is something that causes you emotional pain rather than physical, although it could be both.

2. Gathering information about the issue. So, what happened to cause this new awareness? What exactly isn't working for you and how isn't it working? How can it be corrected? Those are just a few of the important questions you need to ask at this step. As you delve deeper into the issue, more questions will arise, some of which may surprise you.

3. Applying the information to the issue. This is the reward. This is where you get to see how well you've learned about the subject you chose to experience. This is the feel-good part of inner growth.

Let's use an example. Say, something like you got fired from your job.

1. Awareness. Well, that's pretty obvious. You don't have a job any more.

2. Gathering information. Why did you get fired? Was it something you were or were not doing? Is it personal or universal? If it's personal, what do you need to change about how you do your work or interact with your co-workers? If it's universal, such as an economic slowdown, what do you need to do to make yourself more valuable to an employer? These questions and others like them will garner you the information you need to continue on to the next and final step.

3. Applying the information. Make a list of the answers you came up with in Step 2 and use that information to create a to-do list. Maybe some of the changes you'll make are learning better communications skills, changing your work habits, improving your personal hygiene, taking classes to add to your working knowledge.

Of course, this applies to ALL inner growth, from the mundane such as the example of losing one's job, to the esoteric, such as emotional and spiritual growth.

Breaking down the learning experience into these three steps is like eating a ton of applesauce. It's a lot easier and less stressful when you do it one small bit at a time.

Aside from the inner growth and valuable insights and information you'll acquire, another benefit for you is that as you identify the step where you are in the process, you gain the satisfying knowledge that you're making progress.

What current learning opportunity are you experiencing? What are you learning about it? Which step are you at with your learning regarding the issue?

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Why Mistakes Lead To Massive Inner Growth When You Live Purposefully

Make Decisions In Alignment With Your Highest Values

It's certain if you're reading this that you've made mistakes throughout your life, some of which you may regret.

Mistakes are unavoidable because they are sewn into the fabric of life and none are immune to them.

You might fear making mistakes because you believe they are damaging. Sometimes they are, for example taking a wrong dose of medication, cheating on your spouse or illegal activities.

But primarily we are talking about life's mistakes related to: career, finances, business, health, etc.

Mistakes are pivotal in your personal development and lead to massive personal growth.

Stephen R. Covey states in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: "It is not what others do or even our own mistakes that hurt us the most; it is our response to those things."

While mistakes are fundamental to your personal development, they can also erode your character and weaken your self-esteem. If you recollect back to your childhood, mistakes were associated with being reprimanded.

You may carry this burden throughout adulthood hoping to make amends, not realising you're trying to heal something that is not broken.

I use the term purposefully in the title to draw your attention to living consciously, in contrast to automatically. The former invites you to make decisions that are congruent with your highest values and true character.

The latter denotes someone unconscious to their beliefs and motives. They act with little conscious awareness until much later on. They are living their childhood wounds without making peace with them.

Purposeful living means living intentionally with values that reinforce character. Therefore, if you are not making mistakes regularly, you are not abiding by your core values.

"Purpose in life is concerned with what we most deeply value, and purposeful living is concerned with whether we're living for what matters most," explains Victor J. Strecher in Life on Purpose: How Living for What Matters Most Changes

Mistakes are a doorway for inner expansion. They are pivotal moments in your life's experience. The period that follows mistakes is characterised by a change in values and beliefs to coincide with a new level of awareness.

Mistakes Are Part Of Your Journey

I've had the good fortune of making countless mistakes throughout my life.

I turned my back on a career in the creative field because I was no longer passionate about it. This coincided with less than optimal health choices, including overconsumption of alcohol and junk foods, conducive to the creative profession I was in.

It took a health scare while abroad to evaluate what was important. When I look back on my mistakes, each one led to a shift in awareness and major breakthroughs.

You needn't experience an awakening to receive the benefits of personal growth, however every mistake is an opportunity to expand your mental landscape.

You cannot make mistakes in a purposeful universe because there are no exams in life. I have no evidence of what takes place in the afterlife, let alone if it exists. For now, focus on the life you have and live it intentionally knowing mistakes are part of the journey.

Stephen R. Covey says: "Do not fear mistakes-fear only the absence of creative, constructive, and corrective responses to those mistakes."

I was drawn to a comment on TV recently regarding a documentary about women living in the Australian outback, known for its harsh conditions.

One woman interviewed said something that personifies the spirit of life. After losing her husband in a tragic motorcycle accident on their property she said: "Life is not fair, but it is still good."

In light of that, what if your mistakes were life leaving you clues to your success?

What if they were an opportunity to draw you closer to your goals?

Granted, they may be frustrating at the time and difficult to move past. The problem is not the mistakes themselves but your perception of them. It makes sense to consider problems as signposts leading to victory instead of obstacles slowing you down.

It was the late American businessman Thomas J. Watson Sr. who said: "Would you like me to give you the formula for success? It's quite simple, really. Double your rate of failure... You're thinking of failure as the enemy of success. But it isn't at all... You can be discouraged by failure-or you can learn from it. So go ahead and make mistakes. Make all you can. Because, remember, that's where you'll find success. On the other side of failure."

Live A Purposeful Life

If you want to accomplish great things in life, strength of character is fundamental to achievement because it is developed in those tenuous moments.

To realise your goals, embrace mistakes and allow them to shape your character since you will appreciate them more when looking back on your life.

Mistakes are signs that lead to substantial inner growth.

They are crucial to nudging you closer to your goals and ambitions.

Mistakes are life's way of teaching you vital lessons to expand your mind to new horizons you otherwise would not have expected.

Gary Keller and Jay Papasan believe, "Extraordinary results aren't built solely on extraordinary results. They're built on failure too. In fact, it would be accurate to say that we fail our way to success."

"When we fail, we stop, ask what we need to do to succeed, learn from our mistakes, and grow. Don't be afraid to fail. See it as part of your learning process and keep striving for your true potential."

My past mistakes opened the doors to massive discoveries and a rise in motivation in the weeks and months that followed.

I liken it to once training with a boxing instructor years ago to improve my fitness. He would often strike me with a forceful blow to the head with focus pads when I dropped my guard. As much as I despised it, I become better at thinking on my feet and not reacting.

Therefore, my mistake of dropping my guard reminded me to protect my head at all times since I knew what would happen if I didn't.

If you're frustrated with your mistakes, I urge you to ask one simple question: "What could I possibly learn from this?"

That question alone will help you focus on solutions rather than being mired in your mistakes.

Consult those you respect whether they have made similar mistakes in the past. It might be the mistakes you're making are ones most people make.

Ultimately, mistakes are crucial to learning and gaining knowledge and insights.

Learn to embrace them and rise above your fears to live a purposeful life that you have always sought to live.

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Why Hope Will Get You Through Anything

Life is full of twists and turns, it's easy to become despondent.

Obstacles and adversities show up unexpectedly and we find ourselves out of our comfort zone.

People say life is unfair?

I presume they're referring to life being unfavourable when things don't go as planned.

Surely, we're intelligent enough to know, we don't always get what we want. Sorry to rain on your parade.

Regardless, one thing that's helped me remain optimistic, is that not everything will go as planned and that's okay. In fact, not getting what I want is often a good thing, since there's often something greater on the horizon to fill its place.

We must accept life will be full of: obstacles, road blocks, negative emotions and circumstances that will derail our best laid plans. Knowing this should remove the burden, life is not pure sailing, but an adventure full of valleys and victories.

If you fear, "what could go wrong next," you place an unnecessary burden on your shoulders while dreading the worst.

If you adopt a hopeful and optimistic heart, you can breathe easier and expect a more pleasant future.

Hope Has What It Takes

Hope is more valuable than we give it credit for. It's a soft burning flame, unable to be extinguished and capable of enduring any conditions.

Hope has what it takes to get you through anything.

"People usually consider hope among the most wondrous of gifts: it keeps us going when we want to quit and makes possible victories that seem unattainable," affirms author Dr. Alex Lickerman in The Undefeated Mind: On the Science of Constructing an Indestructible Self.

Hope is the belief things will work, especially when it seems otherwise. It helps you stay calm and peaceful when something less than desirable emerges.

Hope believes you will get through it.

Hope remembers the times you made it through.

Hope teams with faith and believes in the impossible.

Emotional Upheaval

When times are tough, our emotions are intensified and not symbolic of who we are.

When the boss tells you the company is downsizing and your position is terminated, when your son gets expelled from school, your partner decides they don't know if they want to spend the rest of their life with you, the doctor gives you an adverse health report or your dog's gone missing, then your emotions are in for a roller-coaster ride.

But with hope, your thoughts gravitate toward optimism.

We cannot expect life to be smooth sailing. Unexpected conditions arise, not to overwhelm us but to test our inner resolve and awaken us to our true power.

Our emotional response in such times, is not indicative of our true self. That's because we respond to our external environment instead of staying composed.

Lessons To Be Learned

Sometimes when a situation is bleak, you're invited to master a lesson greater than you expect. This is when hope will get you through. If you lose your job, there might be a series of experiences during your transition of looking for another job.

You may realise you loathed your previous job and are now more determined to find a career path that makes you happy. Maybe you realise, you want to start your own business instead of working for someone. Consider this something to learn from instead of dwelling on the unfortunate setbacks.

Assuredly, there's a lesson and inner growth contained within your circumstances, even if you can't see it yet.

I appreciate the advice from author Jan Frazier in The Freedom of Being: At Ease with What Is, "The reality is that in the interval between the start of hope and when the outcome occurs, you don't know what's going to happen. The ego-mind dislikes not knowing. Feeling hope is a way of avoiding the discomfort of uncertainty."

Visualise A Positive Future

During hard times, do your best to envision a positive future. In fact, what you dwell upon is what you likely will get. Call it positive thinking, though what you hold in your mind is what you will receive.

We're the product of our emotions, given that we feel our way through life. If your emotions are fixed on negative aspects, you're likely to attract those situations because of your predominant reactions.

The universe reflects what you put out into the ether.

As an example, if I entertain negative thoughts related to not having enough money to pay my bills, I'll see evidence of this echoed in reality. I might notice a TV commercial discussing debt prevention or perhaps someone mentions their financial difficulties. If I'm aware, I recognise the warning signs that my thoughts are out of alignment. If I persist with these thoughts, it's likely to materialise because I've willed it into existence, whether I like it or not.

"Scientists have repeatedly demonstrated that changing our perspective and focusing on aspects of the situation that are in our control can have a hugely beneficial impact on our hope, motivation, and self-esteem," states author Guy Winch in Emotional First Aid: Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt, and Other Everyday Psychological Injuries.

How do you see your future developing?

Close your eyes for a moment and visualise an optimistic path.

It requires work and discipline to create an intentional future and it can't be achieved overnight. This is because you're likely to slip into your old ways if you're not mindful of your thoughts.

Unattached To Outcomes

The world is full of people who have overcome incredible hurdles and failures to become successful and happy. They're unattached to outcomes because they appreciate that not everything goes as planned. When one door closes, another opens at the right time, as long as their thoughts are in alignment.

Allow life to weave her mysterious ways by being detaching from outcomes. What appears detrimental at first may simply be laying the groundwork for something greater late on.

Commit to a life of optimism, irrespective of the circumstances and raise the beacon of hope when times are tough. You can become confident through your willingness to see life from a different viewpoint.

The next time something doesn't go as planned, draw on hope and declare, "It'll be alright, I trust for the best in this situation" and chances are it will turn out as you intend.

Hope will get you through anything, but first you must create the circumstances for it to flourish, before it sets your world alight.

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Life Will Kick You Until You Are Down, But That's When The Growth Occurs

How do we change our circumstances when lying face down in the gutter?

Can a person recover from despair and overcome their pain and suffering?

Pain is a menacing threat that grows in intensity and never leaves you. There are moments of respite, although it never leaves. Not in the way you want.

That's what sadness is like - despair interwoven with glimpses of elation.

How do we transcend the pain?

Are we meant to overcome or endure it?

Does the person who endures the most in the end prevail?

So many questions, yet answers are few.

Life is a one way conversation with a universe that speaks but doesn't listen. She yells in such a bellowing roar that I drown it out and retreat into the sanctuary of my mind.

Struggle is an oppressive adversary, like a boa constrictor enveloping you, pausing momentarily - and then smothering you again.

Can you relate to this feeling?

I don't want to be defined by my suffering, that's not who I am, nor whom I intend to be.

I recall a time when struggle and pain meant grazing my knee at soccer practice. The wounds eventually healed, and I was left with a faint scare to mark my fall.

Nowadays, pain lasts longer than a grazed knee. It is like being chased in a terrifying dream that never ends, stuck in an endless loop.

We are defined by our struggle and assume the identity of the wounded victim. We have no choice because life thwarts us every time we try to rise.

Garret Kramer writes in The Path of No Resistance: "All of us have experienced struggles that appeared to be the result of a certain situation, only to later ask ourselves: This situation isn't so complicated. What in the world was troubling me?"

But here's what I found to be the antidote to suffering: I am pushed to grow in the moments, days and weeks that follow the despair. For some, it might be years, dare I say decades for growth to be realised.

I wish I could mend your pain like my mother taking care of my grazed knee. But sometimes we must go it alone. For it was Winston Churchill who once said: "If you're going through hell, keep going."

He knew pain and suffering ultimately recedes to give way to inner growth.

Wishing away the pain does nothing to cultivate grit and strength of character. The gentlest souls are those who have endured the greatest hardships and gained a humility for life.

"Let us never look hardship in the face and run. To do so is to tear ourselves from this world and this time, and to relinquish our growth and contributions in life."

"Let us always remember that in addressing our pain and fear, we gain mastery over them," writes Brendon Burchard in The Motivation Manifesto.

We are but a small cog in a wheel forever expanding and contracting.

I'm reminded of a quote by the Buddha who said: "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

So, are you allowing life's pain and struggle to define you or using it to grow and expand? Remember, the universe favours expansion.

Everything taking place in your life right now is leading to the unfolding of your life's narrative.

You can recoil from it or lean into it.

Suffering is the seed life plants in you to reveal your greatest potential, so you may come to know your authentic self.

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How To Deal With Resentments

Some people can spend hours dwelling on the wrongs done to them; the injustices, the slights, the snubs, and the accusations or from just bad treatment. They can think of a particular instance and up comes the same feeling the original event, and they get angry all over again. To resent something or someone is once again feeling the fear, the anger, the hurt, the humiliation and the pain of the original experience - real or imagined.

When resentments are held onto and not healed, they go on to form harmful beliefs and patterns of behaviour, where blaming and judgement now justify those behaviours. Sadly, this then inhibits any emotional trauma resulting from the original event having an avenue through which it can be released. The effect of holding onto the emotional trauma as well as the resentment, creates further pain and dysfunction in the physical body, so our health is also affected.

Resentment stifles internal growth.

Resentment stifles inner growth, which in turn adversely affects our personal outer world and how we reflect upon the world at large. When resentment takes hold it drags us down. The heavy load packed full of blame and judgement keeps us bounded in fear; the fear of letting go. The idea of no longer being supported by the thoughts and energy that we are right to be judgemental further increases our need to hold on to the resentment. The idea of dismantling the scaffolding that has held us up, kept us strong, and others at bay, and keeping our heart firmly closed is not an option when resentment rules our thoughts and our feelings. Resentment eats away at self-esteem and peace of mind. Our internal health crumbles away where feelings of hope are swallowed up by bitterness and blame.

Of course, we can't always have control over what happened to us, especially if we were children, but as adults we do have choice. And it's when we exercise that special gift we can free our selves from the most strangling of thoughts and behaviours. The greatest gift that choice offers each one of us, is that we can take ownership of our feelings and behaviours and so determine the outcome of our life and the path that we tread. A life filled with resentments binds us tight and cripples any chance of creating a life that is happy and joyful where we can express our true self that is loving, kind and compassionate. The light that emanates from our true nature shines a path that is blessed, rewarding and incredibly fulfilling.

Any time resentment takes up emotional space, it indicates there's an issue that has not yet been resolved. So take a look inside, see where it is coming from and more importantly why. Take time to explore, as sometimes holding onto resentment is a way of avoiding pain. As you delve inside and unlock that door the pain too has a chance to heal. You also give your self the opportunity to relook at the event or situation that gave rise to the resentment in the first place, and where a clearer understanding can come into view.

How to deal with old resentments.

Write them down; talk about them, not in a blaming way, but with a willingness to see all aspects of the issue. Look also, for the wisdom being presented; the golden nugget of wisdom that will bring clarity, offering you the chance to determine of what can be let go of and what requires more work. You may begin to see where love and understanding can create a deep sense of wholeness and inner peace.

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