Showing posts with label respect. Show all posts
Showing posts with label respect. Show all posts

The Real Meaning Of Respect

Respect is about accepting anybody for who they are, even when they're different from us or we don't agree with them. Respect builds trust, safety, and well-being. In contrast to nourishment, regard costs nothing. Respect and sense of pride are by and by, socially, politically, and ethically significant. Our demeanor and actions have huge impacts, can't be messed with.

Dignity might be something we underestimate. We may find how significant it is the point at which our sense of pride is compromised, or we lose it and need to work to recover it, or battle to create or keep up it in a troublesome situation. A few people find that at last having the option to regard themselves is the thing that issues most by kicking a disturbing propensity, or safeguarding something that they regard. Respect and confidence are profoundly associated.

Respect is a mentality. Show others how respect is done. For youngsters, it's simpler to completely grasp a thought in the event that they see another person using that thought emphatically. This is called modelling behavior. It will motivate other people especially your kids to follow.

Treat others the manner in which you need to be dealt with. When speaking with one another, guardians and teenagers need to dodge indications of discourtesy like shouting, utilizing a dreadful manner of speaking and exhibiting cautious non-verbal communication.

Listening is essential in building respect. Learning the sense of pride is guided by how we see ourselves. The individuals in our lives go about as a mirror in this procedure. At the point when individuals who are essential to us give us consideration and support, we see positive pictures of ourselves. At different occasions, our connections with others may make us feel ugly, uncouth, or even undetectable. Little kids fabricate their feeling of sense of pride from their communications with others. At the point when they are made to feel unique and esteemed, youngsters develop to regard themselves.

A positive feeling of one's self enables the developing youngster to regard others. Sense of pride is at the core of regarding others. At the point when you can distinguish and value your qualities and acknowledge your vulnerabilities, it's simpler to really regard the incentive in others. It is broadly recognized that there are various types of respect. Regard is a responsive connection, and common talk about regard distinguishes a few key components of the reaction, including consideration, yielding, judgment, affirmation, esteeming, and conduct.

In this manner, regarding something appears differently in relation to being negligent or apathetic regarding it, overlooking or rapidly rejecting it, ignoring or dismissing it, or heedlessly or purposefully misidentifying it. It is in uprightness of this part of cautious consideration that respect is in some cases thought of as an epistemic prudence.

So, if you want to respect others, try to respect yourself first. What you think and feel is just as important as what somebody else thinks and feels. In fact, respect for ourselves guides our morals and respect for others guides our manners.


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Too Much Generosity Is Not Good


Generosity is about giving freely and out of love. Sometimes we are abused because of this trait but what's important is we treat others with respect and kindness. This is all that matters!

However, if there is one thing that I would like to change in my life - it's my overly generous. My generosity is not just confine to my family but is also extended to other people who needs my help. I am highly sensitive. People don't have to tell me their problems, I can immediately sense them. There and then, I will offer my help without being asked.

Give because you want to give, not because you're expecting others to change their behavior. I always support my sister even if she is ungrateful to me. I want to help her become a better person but I end up frustrated because she doesn't know how to appreciate the people who are always there for her no matter what happens - her family. The problem of being too generous with money is that others can become too dependent on you.

More often than not, I ask myself, what's the point of supporting her if she cannot stand with her own two feet. She is only becoming a parasite instead of turning into a productive individual who has a self-respect. I want her to have a good life but she is not helping herself to become one. Sometimes I am really fed up by all her complaints about life especially when it comes to money matters without doing anything to realize what her heart desires. She just wants to ask for financial assistance from her family.
Too much support from her family affects her self-sufficiency which is a problem. Not only does she suffers financially if I stop helping her, but she is also denied to reach her maximum potential.

While giving can feel good, it can also create discomfort if we're repeatedly on the giving end of the stick. Being too generous is not good especially when we are inclined to give everything we're capable of giving. We do not have to please others by putting their needs first and neglecting ours. We should not be afraid if we disappoint others sometimes.

We have to think of ourselves first. This not only apply to family members but also to friends. When we are in the habit of rescuing our friends from shame, at a certain point it becomes unbearable and unfair. Money isn't the only issue; it's your unappreciated kindness. So, why prolong the agony? Explain that you appreciate their friendship, but that you simply can't provide for them anymore.

Being overly generous can also mean freely giving your time, skills and resources. A healthy dose of volunteering is good for everyone. If you're retired and really enjoy it, there's nothing wrong with it. But for a single mom like me, it's too unfair!

Continuing to help and give under these conditions is a waste of our resources and isn't really helpful. Remember healthy helping promotes other people's growth, independence, and the development of their positive potential not to make them a weakling.


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Should You, LOVE, Yourself?

Woman in Green Shirt Smiling

Do you deserve the respect and admiration, of others? Why do you believe, you are worthy of this? Would you, even. like you, if you met yourself? Should you LOVE yourself, as you presently are, and if not, are you, ready, willing, and able, to make yourself, better, and more deserving? This might require a degree of self - examination, in an introspective, objective manner, so you can know, what you are doing well, your personal strengths, as well as areas of weakness. With that in mind, this article will attempt to, briefly, consider, examine, review, and discuss, using the mnemonic approach, how to proceed, with the maximum possibility and potential, of true, self - help.

1. Listen; learn; lessons: It is often challenging to help yourself, because, we often, fail to see ourselves, objectively, as others do! Instead of believing you have all the answers, take the time, and make the effort, to effectively listen, and learn the lessons, from every conversation, and experience, in order to make yourself, the best, you can possibly be!

2. Open - mind; options; optimize; opportunities: You owe it, to yourself, to proceed, consistently, with an open - mind. Consider the options and alternatives, and seek to optimize your personal possibilities, and self - meaning! Prepare to recognize life's opportunities, and/ or, become capable of creating the best opportunity, for you!

3. Value; values; visions: Are you, a person, of genuine value, on a regular, consistent basis? Do your personal values, provide you with a degree of pride, and self - satisfaction? How do you visualize, yourself? Do these, make you feel, deserving of the love and respect of others, on a consistent basis?

4. Empathy; energy/ energize; emphasis; excellence: When you effectively listen, and learn, from others, what they need and prioritize, and proceed, with the utmost degree of genuine empathy, others will respect you more, as a human being! This positive emphasis, when combined with demanding your utmost degree of personal excellence, in everything you do, makes you, a better person. When you energize others, by the quality and focus of your actions, rather than merely by some empty rhetoric, you will also, experience, a high degree of enhanced personal energy, and self - meaning!

Although, many people, feel unloved, and unwanted, few are willing to examine, whether they deserve the respect of others, etc. Should you LOVE yourself? Only, if you examine yourself closely, and do, all you can, to make yourself, the best, you can possibly be!



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Love Is Not Everything In A Relationship

Man and Woman Holding Hands Walking on Seashore during Sunrise

There is nothing quite as electrifying and satisfying as falling in love especially when you've found a partner to spend your life with. But what happens when you start to realize that this man or woman might cause you more sufferings than satisfaction? You've already let yourself get so invested that you even enter the sanctity of marriage. You don't know that it's more painful than you could have imagined.

This was my experience again and again, until I started to see my relationship from a different perspective. Love alone is not enough for a marriage to work. It should be coupled with trust and respect. When you know how to embrace your weaknesses and strengths.

When my marriage failed, I kept on asking myself why it happened? But lately I realized that it's not really because my husband was wrong or I was the one faulted. It's because we never learned to accept ourselves wholeheartedly that we keep on searching from each other to fill that emptiness. For any relationship to work, both parties should be willing to feel and to deal with their ugly feelings.

For having a happy married life, love is not enough. There are still many things that will change your love life entirely. Some people even will take extreme action to prove his love to her due to lack of ability to control his feelings for a woman. Not because they don't understand what is right or wrong, but when the attraction is too strong and they are not mature enough to get themselves in control, chances are they will make mistakes unconsciously because at the moment it just feels right.

Love is not enough for a relationship. What really makes a relationship stronger and sustainable is respect, honesty, truthfulness and win- win,understanding of each other. There are so many events over which we have no control. But being happy isn't something that happens based on how others are doing for you. Happiness starts from within. No matter what happens, you have the control over your life, so, your happiness depends upon your choice even if sometimes we delude ourselves in the common belief that love alone can save or make our relationships work.

The moment you have feelings for someone, nothing matters anymore. All you are concerned about is that you are in love;you are in love of being in love.You don't care about the consequences of your wrong choices and you get hurt every time you go into a relationship, and you still don't learn. The fact of the matter is that you are loving wrongly.

In a functional relationship, love or for want a of a better word emotions is never enough to sustain any relationship. The feeling, the emotions and its results will not make it work. There are more important ingredients that make relationship sustainable of which love is not included. What really makes relationship stronger and sustainable is respect, honesty and truthfulness.

Every good relationship is anchored on win-win situations and have nothing to do with love. Relationship based on win-win situation, means everybody is benefiting from the relationship. At the end of the day, everybody was happy and not one-sided. At the end of the day, every complains was addressed. Every fight was settled. Everybody was satisfied.

If a relationship would not work in the first place, coming back again will not make it better. It's just a waste of time. Just focus on yourself and the people around you who supported and loved you unconditionally like your family and kids. Even if trying to understand, goes a long way to bridge the gap between you and your partner in a more satisfactory manner; patience is required to make the relationship work, and not love.

Strong relationships are built not on love, but built on mutual respect, mutual understanding, sharing private matters when needed.

For any relationship to work, it's important to set some time aside to just be a couple; and spend quality time together regularly, especially during hard times. This doesn't need to involve money; just a walk down the park together or along the beach will help. Just taking yourself out of your home environment will be beneficial and this does not necessarily requires love; just merely mutual understanding.


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Never Look Down On Anybody Unless You Are Helping Them Become Better

Photography of a Man And Woman Laughing

Each one of us has a past. Instead of judging people by their past, help them build their future. Treat them with respect. Whatever their past are, people change. Show them you are true to them and in turn they will be honest with themselves and with you.

Treat everyone with kindness even if they are not but because you are. Even if they are ungrateful still be willing to give them a second chance. Help them even if they drive you crazy and those you don't even know. True kindness lies in the act of giving without the expectation of getting something in return. This is the selfless act of sharing what you have.

Don't try to make yourself great by making someone else look small. Never boost your achievements because others did not accomplish what you have. The moment you think you have the right to belittle others because you are better than they are is the moment you prove your weakness. People tend to make others feel how they themselves feel. If you can't offer help, at least do not to hurt them or make them feel small even if you feel that your kindness is already abused. Treat everyone you meet with respect.

Everyone has inner battles and issues, even you. Withhold your judgment and be objective in assessing other's mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Every person you meet will have a role in your life. Some people will help you grow, others will hurt you but there are also some who will inspire you to do better. Treat people with significance just the way you want to be treated.

Never look down anybody unless you are helping them up. In our society, it's so easy to look down on someone who isn't as successful or accomplished or well-educated as you are. You have no idea how far that person has suffered because of their wrong choices in life. Be there to show your empathy and willing ears to listen to their problems. Don't be rude. Your willingness to listen is enough. Time could easily reverse your positions, so treat everyone with dignity.

Be grateful to those who have supported you especially your family. Forgive those who have hurt you and help those who need you. Life is so complex that you need to treat all people including yourself with love and compassion.

Life will be better if you fairly treat others even if they don't respect you at all.

Most often than not, we judge people based on their mistakes. We failed to see that their past do not define them. Whatever their past maybe, what we can do is to put ourselves in their shoes. Empathy is the key to be objective in assessing people fairly.



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Treat People The Way You Want to Be Treated

“Keep on smiling, treat people with respect, be cool even if some may not treat you the same. How people treat you doesn't change who you're.” 
― Assegid Habtewold

For more very powerful quotes that will change your life, click on the link below:




Humility Commands Respect

Humility Commands Respect, for it is often seen as a virtue, in contrast to other forms of pride and arrogance. Not everyone is humble for the fact that we all know. Humans tend to take pride in their worldly possessions by flaunting them when their wealth is the epitome of their glory. For those in power or authority, they will never hesitate to flex their muscles, in the face of opposition. Yet, how many of us are humble enough to make a stand and admit our mistakes when we are wrong? If for one moment, we can declare by means of actions, not words... that "I am humble," which in itself can command respect, even admiration from those around us.

When in the wrong, be humble and be the first to admit the mistake and apologize, so that any conflicts or tensions, can be resolved amicably. Now, that is the Power of Humility! Being arrogant can only cause problem or trouble which we must avoid at all costs. Good leaders typically exhibit good traits that include strength, wisdom, charisma, enthusiasm and vision. The opposite can be said of bad leaders who are selfish, self-centered, arrogant, conceited, corrupted and evil.

Leaders are more powerful when they are humble. Perhaps the world's most humble leader--humbly steps down after five years and he is Uruguay President Jose Mujica. Uruguayans call their outgoing president simply as "Pepe"! Though he is the head of state, he refuses to dress in pomp, ride in a limousine nor resides in a presidential palace. Such is his humility!

Ways that Humility can make us a better person or leader include:-

  1. Be open to people's opinions - Managers who possess traits of humility, tend to seek input from their colleagues to ensure that they have all the facts, in order to make decisions that are in the best interests of their team. People would like to work for those who value their opinions, rather than ignore or dismiss them.
  2. Tend to the needs of others - Caring about the environment in which you are living or your team is working, is to ensure that they have what they need to do a good job.
  3. Admit mistakes - To err is human but to admit our mistakes, is to be humble. Not only do we admit our mistakes but we must be able to rectify them accordingly.
  4. Accept ambiguity - Know when to take charge and when to let go. Try not to force anything to go your way and belittle others.
  5. Focusing on the needs of others - Focus not on your needs, but also on others at home and at work. This will provide a better understanding and communication.

At times, it is vital to admit that you don't know the best answer and be humble to say that until you have the best information to make a decision or change, you will have to wait to find out. No one is infallible, except God.


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Why You Should Want Others to Respect You


Love is the strongest and most unknown vibrational energy that you will ever need. But alongside this, you also need another important ingredient for your stand and status in the society. What is it? Read on to find out.

All of us have an urge inside us to feel important. And that is when you crave for a little respect from the people around you including your spouse or fiancé.

What would having respect really mean? It means you have a position and status in the society. It also means you are vital and make a difference in the world. Without your presence, your position would be empty and no other human being can ever fill it up.

Respect is all about making others feel important, giving credit to others when they deserve, giving raises and promotions when they have earned them and above all, treating them with dignity and value.

Of course there will be a minority who will not be skilled, speak bad language and bear no courtesies and manners. These people are to be left behind while you go ahead in life. And if you are the boss, simply fire them.

Respect for others means you treat them as your equal and are ready to discuss issues or problems on the same plane. You find that you have much in common and share equivalent values and ethics.

Without people respecting you would mean that you are an outcast, not belonging to the society, rather being kicked by the society. This really happens when you are drunk every night and return home, when you poke your nose too much in others' affairs without letting them have any privacy and when you boss around everywhere, with people loathing it, and not listening to their woes.

With a medley of love and respect, you are so much comfortable in your shoes. You have become successfully the person you have always wanted to be. You enjoy family company and friends and colleagues' company. You respect others just as much as others respect you. Together with all the people you know, you are a mighty force, standing up for each other and nothing could be better and more graceful. You will smile- so will the world smile back at you.

For some mishap or unfortunate chain of events, if you lose your respect, you are bound to go down the bottomless pit. But that is not the end of everything. You can have help and ask for help from genuine people and also pray to Almighty God for amending your mistakes and eventually earn back all the respect you will ever need.

In fact, having respect in the society naturally means you are important, wealthy and a make-a-difference person. And you can have all of that only if you yearn for it bad enough. Gotcha?

http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-You-Should-Want-Others-to-Respect-You&id=9631737

5 Requirements for a Happy Relationship

Relationships are not easy, in fact sometimes they can be a lot of work. If you are being hurt by your partners actions, there is still love in the midst of it. When you stop caring and become indifferent, that is when the relationship or marriage is heading towards trouble. Our partner came in to our lives for a reason, to help make us a better person. It is the old saying that iron sharpens iron, we get to learn from what we experience.

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attentions so you can change your life.". - Elizabeth Gilbert

These are what we have found to be the main requirements for a happy relationship. We are partners because we fell in love and should still love each other enough to want them to be happy and treat them well.

1. Security and Safety

The most important thing in any relationship is safety and security. Not only in a physical sense but even more so in an emotional sense. Safety and predictability is crucial. We are creatures of habit and when you are living in a constant state of uncertainty as to who your partner will be each particular moment, it becomes frightening and throws us off balance. It can create a feeling of helplessness and fear. We all need consistency and predictability to feel safe and secure. Living with a Jekyll and Hyde destroys safety for your partner. When we are the same person consistently, we can allow our partner to relax and be a better partner for our loved one.

2. Respect

This is one of the top requirements for any relationship. If there is not respect, there can not be equality and peace. When name-calling, cursing and the verbal attacks begin, you are not being respected and it is hard for to give respect in return. It is also important to be respected for who you are and what you do. We should each be allowed to be your own person and make decisions (unless they are not in the best interest of the relationship). We have the right to set boundaries to protect those boundaries and ourselves should be respected without guilt and shame. Also, our privacy and personal things need to be respected. Going through someone's things is disrespectful and violates the other person. There should not be anything to hide between both partners and so respecting each others space should not be an issue.

3. Trust

Commitment and trust in a relationship are so important. We usually don't have reason not to trust unless we ourselves cannot be trusted. If there has been betrayal in a relationship, trust must be rebuilt. It will take time and patience and if you are the one that created that distrust, the best thing you can do for your partner is to be understanding when they are having doubts and questioning your actions. When you get defensive, it sends the message that you are hiding something. When you are constantly questioning your partner, it creates frustration and resentment. Nobody should ever have to sell his or her honesty and commitment. If there has been distrust, the offender must sincerely accept their wrong, apologize and change the behavior to rebuild that trust.

4. Independence

It is so important for you to honor and respect your partners independence. If there is trust, allowing the other person to be independent should not be an issue. The first three qualities are crucial to allow for independence in a relationship. We need to make sure that we are not completely dependent on our partner and that we have some interests of our own. We need to be inter-dependent. There must be a me, you, and we. We need to be allowed to have time to ourselves, time with family and friends and time for one another. If we don't have balance, we can become resentful and we end up swinging to the other side of the pendulum. The most important time you can spend away from your relationship is time nurturing yourself. Do something nice for yourself, get a massage, play sports, journal or go for a walk. This is your sanity. If you can't make sure your cup is full, you will have nothing to give your partner. It may just be the 40-minute drive in the car that recharges you or some girl /guy talk with a friend or just time alone. Whatever it is, you need to allow that for yourself and respect that your partner needs it also. When we get that we usually are able to come back into the relationship a happier more loving person.

5. Self - Actualization

If you are not growing, you are decaying, and this goes for every living thing. We are meant to continue to learn and grow as we age and the person we spend our life with is the one that we should be growing with. When one partner decides to stop growing on his or her own, and as a couple, it can create real havoc on a relationship. We are constantly faced with situations where we can learn and grow and when we step into an attitude of blame and are not willing to look at ourselves, and our role, we have begun the decaying process. When we live in a constant state of blaming and being a victim, we get stuck and left behind. We all have some responsibility in every conflict and it important to be able to self reflect and own our share. From this point, we can decide how we want to learn from it and grow. Our partners can certainly trigger us the best and those triggers really have nothing to do with the other person, but issues that lay deep within us. Make a decision to look at your stuff and figure out how you can grow from it.

http://ezinearticles.com/?5-Requirements-for-a-Happy-Relationship&id=9324821

Plant Now, Harvest Later


Nowadays, it seems that everyone wants to be treated with respect and kindness, but tend to forget how to treat others in an appropriate way. We should remember that the things we do to our fellow should be the most important things of all. Anyone can perform good deeds for publicity sake. However, if we do it wholeheartedly, there is no need to have witnesses of our actions.

People should never forget to do good deeds, because a good deed is a nice opportunity to show the real beauty inside us It would be easier to live if we do good things to other people. For example, by trying to inspire people around us with optimism and teach them how to move on with life, without realizing it; we can also get sympathy and encouragement from other people when we are down.

When we do a good deed, we are helping someone. Besides helping someone, doing a good deed lighten our burdens and makes us feel good about ourselves. Helping others gives us a new perspective because we are focusing on someone other than ourselves. We are reminded that we are not the only one in the world who have problems. There are some people whose problems are worse than ours. We have to help without expecting any return at all.

When we perform a good deed, there is a possibility that someone may have seen us, or may have been told about our good deed. By doing so, we are able to develop a good morale that could sometimes wiped out some of our other flaws. Just like anybody else, each of us have imperfections.

When we share what we have, we may find that the rewards are so great because of the feeling of a sense of self-satisfaction and self-gratification. We are able to help people in their times of need. It's incomparable. We may not have all the material wealth but our moral support can also be of great help.

In addition, our good deeds may influence our children and other people in our community to follow suit. Without having to convince others, just by simply by doing, we influence and lead others by our example.By building a reputation as an honorable person, we feel powerful and able to stand taller, and present ourselves as someone who is worth loving, caring, even hiring and promoting. When we are generous with our fellow, they will, in turn, be generous with us.

Instead of wasting time and energy in complaining about other people's misbehavior, we can start assessing ourselves and then be a role model to our friends and family. By leading a good example to help, the world will become a better place to live in. By encouraging others to move on, we can truly feel some comfort in knowing that when we ever need help, there is a good chance that there will be someone out there to help us in our time of need.

In doing good deeds, we are attracting other people to do the same. If we plant it now, we will harvest its fruits later when we encounter the same predicament.

If we invest good deeds today; we will surely harvest the return of our investment in the future.


7 Ways to Get People to Believe, Like and Respect You


There are some simple, yet often forgotten, business principles that can build a positive professional reputation and keep credibility intact -- for you and your business. Here are seven ways to convey that you are poised, polished and ready to conduct business with the highest standards of professionalism.

1. Be honest.

Unfortunately, fraud and scandals are too common in modern business. Your credibility is rooted in your ability to be honest, no matter the situation. Although you might be tempted to intentionally lie, misstate or misrepresent yourself or an aspect of your business, the long-term cost severely outweighs any short-term benefit. Even small fibs can damage or ruin your reputation.

2. Keep your word.

Your professional reputation is damaged when you don’t deliver on a promise. Every time you make a commitment, you have the opportunity to raise or lower your credibility quotient. Your word is all you’ve got. It’s important to be straightforward and upfront, letting everyone involved know what to expect before you start a new project. No one likes surprises. If you can’t complete a task before the deadline or stay within the budget, let clients know immediately. People tend to be much more understanding and forgiving if they’ve had advance warning.

3. Admit your mistakes.

Failure is an inevitable aspect of business. Though mistakes happen, successful managers and entrepreneurs understand how important it is to focus on solutions rather than obsess over problems.
To maintain a professional reputation as someone who is reliable and trustworthy, own up to mistakes as soon as they occur. Don’t attempt to cover up, ignore or minimize your errors or those of your business. Instead, take responsibility and find a solution. Always learn from your mistakes and then move on.

4. Be punctual.

Clients will evaluate you in part on your dependability. Most people will choose to work with someone who consistently delivers projects on time and on budget over someone who is talented but unreliable. Manage your time carefully to ensure that you never miss a meeting, deadline or commitment.
When meeting with clients or associates, arrive a few minutes early. Give yourself a buffer for travel to account for any traffic delays, inclement weather or difficulty with parking. If you arrive with plenty of time to spare, take a few moments to go to the restroom and gain your composure. Take advantage of your punctuality and build rapport with others who have arrived early. If something unavoidable happens to delay you, don’t make up an excuse. Instead, simply apologize. 

5. Don’t use foul language.

Choose your words carefully. What you say and how you say it can deeply impact how others perceive you. Using profanity and foul language in public can send the message that you are immature, impatient and lack self-control. Swearing in a professional setting will never command the respect of those around you. Instead, a foul mouth will isolate and alienate you from others. Don’t give clients, co-workers and customers an excuse to not work with you. If you find yourself so angry or upset that you start to lose your temper, walk away. It’s much better to excuse yourself to another room than direct your anger at someone else.

6. Handle conflict gracefully.

There will be times when you don’t agree with your clients, colleagues or partners. The potential for arguments and disagreements will always be a part of doing business. But how you handle difficult situations will reveal your character. If a client tests your patience or questions your authority, don’t allow the situation to ruffle your feathers. Try not to react with anger or take frustrations out on someone else. Instead, work with the client to find a compromise. When you’re wrong, yield with grace.

7. Don’t burn bridges.

The business world is tumultuous. Never speak negatively of a past client or business relationship. Your adversary today could be your ally tomorrow. In 1992, I lost my job to a department-wide layoff. Though it would have been easy to lose touch, I kept in contact with my former director. Two years later, when I was interviewing for a public relations position at the Breakers Hotel in Palm Beach, Fla., she was happy to give me a good reference. Her recommendation helped me get the job.
Relationships change and people may surprise you with a change in position or stature. The person you once took for granted may eventually turn out to be a powerful acquaintance.

Can We Rebuild Trust?


Have you ever taken a minute to ask yourself the question: Who do you trust? Are you someone who tends to trust people quickly or does it take a while?

I had a chat with my girlfriend yesterday about trust and believe it or not, it is quite an interesting subject. Both her and I are very much alike, in that we need to get to know people well before we give them our trust. This makes it even more hurtful when they act in an untrustworthy way. On the other hand there are people who give their trust right away until someone is "proven" not worthy. There is of course a middle ground.

Based on your paradigms (including your strong beliefs), you have automatically and unconsciously established a pattern of trust. What is yours? As I mentioned, I prefer to know people before giving them my trust. Two years ago I left a big job to go back to school and obtain my certification as a coach. This is when my pattern of trust became very obvious to me. The small group of about 15 people in the class, after 2 classes, looked like they had been best friends for months or years, whereas I was still in the "get to know you" stage. And that is OK; you have to respect your own process. I dislike it when people try to force me to be who I am not. And I have done plenty of analysis as to why it takes me a while to trust and I am happy with the results, as it works for me.

However, now that I have started my business, my slowness in trusting people can be perceived as my being cold and aloof, which I am not. So I had to find a way to improve my style of "being" when meeting new people. I found this amazing book called The Speed of Trust by Stephen M.R. Covey. In the book, he talks about the myth that trust is a "soft" skill. On the contrary, trust is a hard and measurable skill. It takes effort, consistent focus and in-depth understanding of what consists of trust in order to develop it with others. And you can measure your level of trust with different people, like a bank account.

The consequences of a lack of trust can be huge on your relationships and on your organization. Mr. Covey calls it the Trust Tax. If you have low trust, it reduces the speed of doing anything and increases costs. Here is an example. After 9-11, the lack of trust in airport security forced the authorities to increase the screening process at checkpoints therefore reducing the speed of passing through security. Which caused increased costs not only for the security organization but also for us travellers who had to show up extra early because of long lines at security.

Look at a close relationship where trust is lacking, whether it is in your personal life or professional life and ask yourself: what is this lack of trust costing me?

While you were searching for the answer, you probably came to realize that there are some people you don't trust (or they don't trust you) and that it would improve your life if there were trust between you. You most likely also came to realize that there are some people who are just not worth it.

It all sounds very calculated, but it is not. It is just another way to look at our relationships, both personal and professional. Consider the following quote from Warren Buffet: "It takes 20 years to build a reputation and 5 minutes to ruin it. If you think about it, you'll do things differently." This is valid for a company but also valid in your relationship with people. What this quote tells me is: pay attention to what you do. You could ruin an important relationship in minutes and you would realize it only after it is too late. Why do you think most couples do not survive it when one party cheats on the other? The trust is gone. And it is a lot harder to try to regain trust after having lost it, than it is to try to improve a basically good relationship.

Much like a bank account, in terms of trust, you are either in the black or in the red. Your level of tolerance for mistrust will be higher if your relationship with a person is high in the black. You will have no tolerance at all if it's in the red. According to Mr. Covey, in the Speed of Trust book, there are 5 waves of trust: self, relationship, organizational, market and societal. I am going to be focusing on the first two.

Before pointing the finger at everyone around you, let's look at ourselves. Can I be trusted? Do you stand by and meet your commitments? The fastest way to lose trust is to miss your deadlines or to not keep your promises. If you keep missing deadlines at the office, your credibility will diminished, so much so that at some point people will not want you on their team. You will be known as the person who cannot be trusted or depended upon. Another example is when you promise your children you will attend an important event in their lives, but you keep missing it because you have to work late. Then you wonder why your relationship with them it not fantastic. What can you do?

Actions speak louder than words, so start keeping your promises and meeting your deadlines. That is one of the best ways to regain trust. In my experience, the next best way to re-gain trust is to apologize when you do something wrong. Not 2 years later, right away. Whether it is with a co-worker or a family member, they will appreciate it. As long as you don't repeat the offense, of course!

In the book, Mr. Covey mentions 13 behaviors that affect Trust. Here they are:

  1. Talk straight
  2. Demonstrate respect
  3. Create transparency
  4. Right wrongs
  5. Show loyalty
  6. Deliver results
  7. Get better
  8. Confront reality
  9. Clarify expectations
  10. Practice accountability
  11. Listen first
  12. Keep commitments
  13. Extend trust
Choose a relationship that needs improving and determine which behavior you should focus on. If we look at you not meeting your deadlines for instance, I would suggest the following behaviors: Talk straight, Demonstrate Respect, Right Wrongs and most importantly: Deliver Results as well as Keep Commitments.

If you have missed a few important events in your child's life, I would start with: Right Wrongs, Get Better and Keep Commitments.

I have noticed that in most cases, in my coaching practice, we need to Clarify Expectations. That is a very important behavior in all our relationships. We don't usually set out to disappoint others; often we just did not understand the expectations: either theirs or ours. So you will want to spend a bit of time on clarifying them.

So practice: pick a relationship and see what you need to improve. I would suggest at first to practice privately, then meet the person and explain to them what you are doing and go through the list of behaviors you feel is important to focus on. Always let the other person communicate how they feel about the relationship without your judgment. Listen empathically.

If you want to know more about Trust, I definitely suggest this book. Franklin Covey also offers a 2-day seminar for leaders that is absolutely fantastic. It is worth it. I will leave you with this one quote:
"Trust is the one thing that changes everything." - Stephen M.R. Covey



10 Powerful Practices From 10 Highly Respected People



There are over 7 billion people in the world. A single trait sets a small handful apart; celebrated and emulated individuals have earned something more valuable than gold. Aretha Franklin knows the answer—R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
You can command obedience, you can cause fear, you can buy services, but respect? You’ve gotta earn that. It’s such a heavy word, filled with reverence and awe. Like an oak tree, it doesn’t grow overnight. But intentionally and mindfully living in a way that cultivates respect is an investment that will yield more than money could ever buy.
Here are 10 habits from 10 respected leaders that are more than worth mirroring and cultivating:

1. Getting Out of the Mansion: Richard Branson

Respect may elevate you, but it’s found on the ground. High flying billionaire Branson is also down-to-earth. Richard constantly chats with passengers and crew, listening to opinions with notepad in hand. When a Virgin flight was delayed in San Francisco, the in-flight team took the drink cart out to the gate and offered complimentary drinks to passengers. Richard Branson picked up the phone and praised them for their creativity.
Respected people never let their success build walls of elitism. They’re more in the mud-hut than ivory tower.
It’s difficult to be respectable if you’re not accessible. Studies show that CEOs perceived as accessible and humble evoke greater productivity and job satisfaction from staff. Stepping out of the office to chat with staff is a small but significant act.

2. Never getting tired: Diana Nyad

At 64, most people have taken up knitting or gardening. Diana Nyad chose to swim from Cuba to Florida without a shark cage. She became the first person, of any age and gender, to accomplish the feat.
Respect came not only from the incredible feat of 53 hours of swimming that left her vomiting, badly sunburned and swollen from absorbing saltwater, but because it was her fifth attempt since 1978, when she was 29. After her failed fourth attempt, she admitted the swim may be impossible. But that didn’t stop her.
Respected people are unrealistic and relentless. As Roger Banister unrealistically broke the four-minute mile, Diana took the unrealistic goal, added her impossible age and achieved the unthinkable.
An unrelenting perseverance, and unforgiving attitude against the impossible is great recipe for respect.

3. Creating: Steve Jobs

Those who add value to growing industries are appreciated, but those who solve problems, revolutionize and create new industries get a bow of respect.
With Steve Jobs at the helm, Apple became synonymous with revolution: the iPod made CD players obsolete, the iPhone took smartphones to another level, the iPad set the stage for tablets. Jobs made headlines with his improvements, but made history with his innovations.
Revolutions and solutions equal respect. Don’t just look to add, look to solve.

4. All heart: Mark Cuban

As the saying goes, those who stand for nothing fall for everything. Respected people are passionate and unabashed about their beliefs. They shape people’s opinions rather than succumb to it. But when it comes to passion, there’s a fine line between obnoxious and outspoken. Kanye is supposed to be the bad guy, not Mark.
Cuban is clearly opinionated, yet lovable. The reason Cuban remains respected is that, unlike Kanye, it’s more authenticity than publicity. Whether he’s the shark throwing someone in the tank, shouting from the Maverick’s bench or shedding tears at a press conference, everything that’s public comes across as genuine. People respect that.
Public perception can cause many to put on a performance. Passion that stems from authenticity, rather than expectation, is respect.

5. Mingle with manners: Princess Diana

Everyone in leadership faces the challenge of countless people vying for their attention. The difference with Princess Diana was her obvious interest and engagement with all people, from HIV sufferers to the privileged. She said, “Everyone needs to be valued. Everyone has the potential to give something back.”
Although its impossible to converse with everyone, respected people acknowledge everyone. They don’t enter a group setting, shake hands with one or two and ignore the rest. We’ve all had that happen before and it's not a great feeling. It’s the modern version of getting picked last in third-grade baseball.
It’s not always intentional, however, respected people have that social awareness to be mindful in such situations. It’s important to acknowledge and greet everyone you meet in a group, look them in the eye and smile. It’ll mean more to the person than you realize, and it’ll gain you more respect than you realize.

6. Never take the bait: Bill Gates

Steve Jobs had some harsh words against Bill Gates: “Unimaginative and has never invented anything…he just shamelessly ripped off other people’s ideas.”
With plenty of accusations (and evidence) that Jobs was far from innocent, Gates had plenty of hypocritical ammo to fire back. However, when Gates was asked to respond, he did so with class, brushing off the criticism and even praised Jobs for his contributions.
It’s no surprise that Bill Gates tops a survey across 13 countries as the world’s most admired person. Reflective of his philanthropic work is this characteristic of responding to negatives with tact.
Marcus Aurelius said, “To refrain from imitation is the best revenge.” Exactly what Gates did, and we should.

7. Dismantling dramas: Michelle Obama

From her “unbecoming behavior” of doing push-ups on the Ellen show, to teaching middle-schoolers how to Dougie, Michelle’s breaks from the traditionally passive roles of the FLOTUS have won much adoration and respect.
While history is certainly there to be learned from, it doesn’t have to be imitated. Michelle’s unwillingness to fall into conformity has created an air of empowerment. She’s a constant catalyst for change with conversations on controversial topics such as the Trayvon Martin case.
In dissolving dogmas and confronting mainstream dramas, respected people enable and empower others while making new societal inroads. “That’s how it’s always been done” has never been a popular phrase. It takes courage to step outside of the mould, but respect comes as a result.

8. Consistent karma: Dalai Lama

More ironic than irony was Toronto Mayor Rob Ford cracking down on drug use while admitting to smoking crack. Respected people have a proven track record. History is littered with prominent figures rising to excellence only to crumble into scandal.
The 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, was born in 1935 and started his monastic education at the age of 6. The path of devotion is no walk in the park; the world is a buffet of temptations and distractions. His dedication and consistency of character over decades makes him one of the most revered and respected people in the world. The 8-million reading his tweets trust that his Twitter reflects his temple.
Consistency between what we think, say and do, both when nobody is watching, and when everyone is watching, will produce respect. Trust and admiration is never found in contradictions.

9. Multiple endeavors: Arnold Schwarzenegger

It’s remarkable for anyone to reach the top of their field, but to step into an entirely different context and dominate, that’s respect with a capital “R.”
From bodybuilder, to Terminator, to governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger made it look easy. Respected people aren’t afraid to enter a new field, or put on a different hat. They not only set the bar higher, but set it wider.
When we outgrow our initial pursuit for success, the inability to take on something new creates a stagnancy that produces misery. While achieving success in different fields wins respect, the broadening of life experience alone is enough motivation to step into uncharted waters.

10. Sacrifice is key: Aung San Suu Kyi

With a military junta stifling her nation of Burma (Myanmar), political prisoner Aung San Suu Kyi has become the adored catalyst for change.
During the violent clashes, thousands protesters were massacred. She rose to leadership fearlessly marching toward the military that was ordered to shoot. When she was presented with an opportunity to be freed from house arrest and return to England, she chose to stay and fight for her people’s rights.
Greatness and respect is synonymous with sacrifice. The road that’s absent of difficult decisions, of blood, sweat and tears leads to mediocrity.

5 Keys to Making a Great First Impression


We used to think that it took seven seconds to make a first impression. 
According to new research out of Princeton, it's about 100 milliseconds — the same amount of time it takes for a giant hummingbird to flap its wings. 
We're all constantly practicing what psychologists call physiognomy, or reading a person's personality traits from their appearance. 
"Appearance is our first filter," says Sylvia Ann Hewlett, author of new book "Executive Presence," "and it's happening all the time."
Job interviews, speaking gigs, client meetings, first dates — the list goes on.
"The really good news here is that it's about polish, grooming, and being put together," Hewlett says. "It's not about the precise shape of your body, texture of your hair, or the designer you wear."
As part of researching her book, Hewlett and her team at the Center for Talent Innovation did a survey of 4,000 professionals in the U.S., including 268 senior executives, hoping to decode what businesspeople think "capable" looks and sounds like. 
The senior execs say that the following five qualities of appearance make people instantly look like leaders: 
1. Looking polished and groomed. 
"Carelessness seems to signal that you don't respect your coworkers or yourself," Hewlett says, "and you certainly don't respect the client if you show up with soup on your tie or bitten nails, anything to make you look unkempt." 
To avoid that, clean up. If you're working in Silicon Valley, make sure you've got the appropriate skinny jeans; if you're on Wall Street, snag the perfectly cut jacket. And remember to brush your hair. 
2. Being physically attractive and fit. 
Attractive people tend to earn more and get hired more often than their less attractive peers. That bias gets carried over to senior professionals. 
"Being physically fit gives people the confidence that you will take care of what you are asked to do, because you are taking care of yourself," GE executive Deb Elam tells Hewlett.
3. Dressing in simple, stylish clothes.
"Dress for your next job," Hewlett says.
To know how to do that, observe the people in your organization who dress well, then pattern yourself after them.
"It's not that everyone has to wear a gray suit," she says, "but this sense of polish and putting some thought into it does yield some benefits." 
4. Stand tall. 
The importance of height is seriously gendered. According to Hewlett's research, 6% of respondents said that being tall contributed to a woman's executive presence, while 16% said it mattered for a man's.
You can see it in the race for the Oval Office: The taller candidate has beaten the shorter candidates two-thirds of the time.
5. Looking youthful. 
Looking youthful, but not like a child, signals that you have the "vitality to lead the charge and not succumb to setback," Hewlett writes. She sees the need evidenced in the cosmetic surgery market, as the number of Botox injections, facelifts, and "upper arm lift" operations continue to increase year over year. 
But no matter how you're presenting yourself, you need to be aware of the audience you're about to impress. 
"If you're headquartered in New York and making a presentation in Mountain View, do some adjusting to how you show up," she says, such as opting for a more California casual look. 
"You want to show that you can be fluent," she says.