The Art of Self-Sabotage (By Natalia Shoutova)

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." - Jimmy Dean

Every day of my coaching career, I encounter and foil strategies of self-sabotage.

Self-sabotage does not follow rules of common sense or logic. Often it passes under our radar, because we are more aware of when others put sticks in our wheels, and less aware of when we do it to ourselves. Self-sabotage is resilient and sticky. Like tax loopholes, when one self-sabotage strategy is closed down, another one will almost immediately take its place.

It is also highly destructive. Because you intimately know your target (YOU), you can hit your weakest spots and cause the greatest damage. Whether you are a city professional, an entrepreneur or a busy parent, it is crucial to become aware and thwart self-sabotage at its earliest stages - before it grows into a habit.

Here are 10 common self-sabotage strategies. Which ones are you harbouring?

1. Unrealistic expectations. Setting goals that are too general, unachievable or unquantifiable. Sometimes the goal is so overwhelming and nebulous it prevents us from starting. Doing the same thing expecting different results also falls within this category. The main issue with unrealistic expectations is that they destroy self-belief and motivation. Fear of failure becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When your actions are not producing the results you want, stop and choose different actions. Ensure that your goals are specific, achievable and measurable. Ask yourself: How will I know when I reach my goal?

2. Spreading yourself too thinly. Juggling is part of life. However, pick up one ball too many and all the balls are likely to fall to the ground. Taking on another client matter when you are already swamped, not taking vacations, saying yes to looking after the neighbour's dog or offering to host Christmas may all tip the balance. Prioritise. Identify what is important to you right now. Learn to say no. Sometimes saying yes to your sanity and wellbeing means saying no to requests of others. Look after your health and fitness, and carve out pockets of time just for yourself. Juggling is easier when you are on top form.

"We are what we repeatedly do." - Aristotle

3. Indecision and over-analysis. Sitting on the fence uses up your energy, focus and time. Analysing the same options multiple times does not create new possibilities. It creates a loop of analysis-paralysis. Step back to get some perspective. Obtain an impartial opinion. Ask yourself: What is missing? What would help me make the decision? What would I do if I weren't afraid?

4. Ruminating on past failures. There is much to be gained from past failures. Such as learning what to do differently next time, honing your coping strategies and simply knowing that you can get over obstacles. What is not useful is churning events over and over. You risk creating a habit out of failure. Regret and resentment are like anchors, they do not help us to move forward, but simply spin us round as the tide comes in and out.

"Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping that it will kill your enemies." - Nelson Mandela

5. Avoiding challenges. Often during times of imposed change clients bemoan to me that they like "security" and "stability". Yet when I ask them when they last felt fulfilled and motivated, it is generally when they were problem-solving or working on a challenging goal. Living and working in our comfort zone does not stretch our capabilities or fulfil our potential. There is a risk of becoming bored and unmotivated. Do not settle for stumbling from day to day. Strive for a bigger life experience.

6. Neglecting relationships. Building authentic relationships takes time and effort, but it is hugely rewarding. Businesses, families and communities are built on relationships between people. Have you noticed how unfriendly atmosphere at work can transform the perfect job into the worst job? Generally, people leave people rather than jobs. Take time to cultivate your relationships. Small things really matter - a smile, a "Good Morning", remembering your colleague's birthday, or booking a surprise dinner for your partner. If this feels like a chore, ask yourself, what makes that relationship important to me?

7. Downgrading your self-development. Keeping up with industry knowhow and technological advancements is not a bonus it is a must. Own your career, become an expert in your field. Do not forget your personal self-development. Stagnation results in boredom and lack of motivation. Lifelong learning adds breadth to our life experience, and keeps us healthy and active into the old age.

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving." - Einstein

8. Poor time management. Feeling rushed and overwhelmed? Time management is in reality about managing ourselves. Dedicating time to planning will save you time and stress in the future. Often we focus on fire fighting - dealing with what is urgent; rather than working on important tasks that really contribute to our productivity. Prioritise what is important, organise your day and week around those priorities, streamline activities, remove distractions. Remember to make your plan realistic and work in some flexibility.

9. Passively waiting for belief and motivation. Motivation will not come until you engage with your goal and commit to the challenge. Ask yourself: What are the benefits of pursuing this goal? What will happen if I do nothing? Belief is born through action, by overcoming obstacles and pushing into your stretch zone. Aligning your goals with what is genuinely important to you helps to cultivate motivation and passion. Belief and motivation exist through choice not through chance.

10. Being your own worst critic. Learning from your mistakes is valuable. Reprimanding yourself endlessly is counter-productive. Would you give the same barrage of criticism to a friend or a colleague caught in the same circumstances? How you see and treat yourself directly impacts on how others see and treat you. Nurture your self-esteem and self-image. They are your sturdiest tools.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Art-of-Self-Sabotage-(5-Min-Read)&id=9307878

Self-Sabotage and How to Avoid It

If you are unable to attain your goals, consider this: you may actually be really good at hypnotizing yourself to fail!

Here are 3 ways we psychologically sabotage ourselves:

Firstly, the subconscious part of us will tend to repeat the behavior with the strongest emotional charge associated to it, whether it is "good" or "bad" for us. Usually, if it feels or tastes good, we'll want more.

By the same token, if you're stressed out about biting your nails, then you'll probably end up biting your nails from all the stress. So often we invest more feelings in what not to do or spend time worrying about the problem... and then switching to being in denial that the problem even exists. That is why bad habits are so hard to break; the habits become our story, the one we can't seem to alter. The more we repeat bad habits, the harder it is to break them.

Secondly, as Frenchman Emile Coue once said, "when imagination and reason are at war, imagination always seizes the day." This is how our greatest fears tend to be realized: we allow our imagination to stray into what could go wrong rather than on what could go right. The effort to use creative imagination sometimes feels insurmountable, especially if we are undergoing a period of low energy or recovering from a health setback.

Thirdly, the subconscious part of us does not respond to negative framing. Telling yourself what "not" to do is like trying not to think of a pink elephant, trying "not" to smoke, or trying "not" to eat French fries; what are you thinking about? Pink elephants, smoking, and French fries. So circulating in a negative thought pattern gets you nowhere.

That is why motivation based upon aversion often fails or only works temporarily.

Fear, anxiety, and guilt are stressful and unhealthy motivators anyway, and decisions made under stress are usually not good decisions. Nobody wants to live with a dark cloud over their heads, stuck in a rut.

So how do you hypnotize yourself to succeed?

Well, winners don't win by running away from failure!

Self-Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy can help you stay focused on your success, motivating you to take action in a positive, sustainable way, without dwelling in negativity.

Over time you can begin to intentionally associate and amplify stronger feelings to your goal, eclipsing the unproductive and sometimes overwhelming feelings associated with the unwanted behavior that keep you stuck, giving you the metal edge you need to succeed.

ezinearticles.com/?Self-Sabotage-and-How-to-Avoid-It&id=9741591

How to Eliminate Self-Sabotage for Good!

As we become more self-aware we start noticing patterns of self-sabotage in our lives. Self-sabotage occurs when we find ourselves getting very close to reaching a goal, finding happiness in a relationship, success in our careers, or even becoming debt free, and then just when we are on the right path right where we want to be, BOOM! Something bad happens to stop us dead in our tracks forcing us to detour without the opportunity to reach success, fulfill an accomplishment, experience deep love, or become financially free. Examples could be that we suddenly become very ill right when we are about to reach an important goal or even right after we have reached an important goal, or right before we go on a vacation a million issues come up that keep us from fully enjoying our away time, or perhaps you are just dollars away from eliminating that credit card debt and then all of a sudden an unexpected bill is received that requires you to place another charge on your card... Some may say that these are just bad coincidences that keep happening over and over, but I don't believe in coincidences. {"In mathematics, two angles that are said to coincide fit together perfectly. The word coincidence does not describe luck or mistakes. It describes that which fits together perfectly." - from the book Power of Intention by Wayne Dyer} In essence, these coincidences, these 'happenings', are matching our exact vibrational alignment. Remember, we create our realities and the Universe is responding to the way we 'feel', our personal vibrational signature. If there is any un-healed areas of your life, and most likely there is, your sub-conscious mind is likely harboring your day to day experience while attempting to deal with un-dealt matters. In order to eliminate the counterproductive sabotage behavior, you must correct the issues at their root while taking a pro-active and positive approach.

Here's how you can eliminate Self-sabotage for good:

1. Become aware of the sabotage pattern. Voice this in some way either verbal or written. Ask yourself (and answer): In a perfect life, would I do this thing at all? If so, what would I change to make it more enjoyable? If not, what would I rather do?

2. Take ownership and stop blaming the rest of the world for your problems. Then forgive yourself and really mean it.

3. Hire a good Therapist or Shadow Coach to help heal experiences from your childhood and past.

4. Remember, it doesn't matter if you fall off the horse. All that matters is how long you take before jumping back on. #neverstop

5. Keep your main focus on moving forward and envision your ideal scenario (this is key!)

In many cases people sabotage their selves over their entire life without consciously realizing that they are running in circles. In other cases we come to our senses and realize that we are sabotaging ourselves, but we don't do anything about it - we don't know what needs to be done and we remain stuck weaving in and out of bad habits. Now that you know what to do, print this article and cut out the five steps above. Keep them in a journal, planner, bulletin board or somewhere you will be reminded from time to time.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Eliminate-Self-Sabotage-for-Good!&id=9029590

Ways To Overcome Anxiety And Get The Life You Want

The answer is: Ways to overcome anxiety and fear! Yes, people live every day in worry and fear.

Fear of losing their wealth, fear of losing family and loved ones, fear and worry of making the wrong decisions, fear of being themselves, worry of maturing, worry of making decisions and choices.

The list continues, and is why there is need to begin conquering anxiety.

The leading cause of people not fulfilling their dreams is NOT the fear of failure - it's the fear of success!

The fear of living life to the fullest might be holding you back, and is why you must begin to get rid of fear and anxiety.

Most people live their lives in the grip of this fear and they aren't even aware that it has control over them!

The worry and fear is the one thing that can turn your monetary flexibility, caring relationships, and a substantial and satisfying life into a pattern of habits consisting of procrastination, self-sabotage and other ego-based wrong-minded practices.

The Course in Miracles states, "The ego makes no attempt to understand this, and it is clearly not understandable, but the ego does make every attempt to demonstrate it, and this it does constantly."

The ego has a foundation built of worry and fear.

Fear and worry is the control problem in your life today. The two concerns you have to get rid of fear and anxiety are:

- Which fear has the most control over your behavior?

- Is it the fear of failure, the worry of rejection, fear of relationships, the fear of success, or is it all of them?

Whatever it is, fear does NOT want you to face it!

The Course in Miracles further states, "You must recognize that the last thing the ego wishes you to realize is that you are afraid of it."

How do I interrupt ego-based wrong-minded habits that I have developed as a means of security from this fear?

How do I get rid of fear and anxiety going on within me?

When it comes to ways to overcome anxiety and fear, these are the two most significant concerns. If you can address these two concerns, your life will permanently change!

The reality of worry and fear is that it is human, and human is ego, and is a part of life while in this world. Some fear is even healthy, which we may call, right-minded!

These are: fear of falling, fear of violent noises, and worry and fear of abandonment.

Consider that; it is fear that pumps endorphins and adrenaline through your heart making you leave from a scenario that is truly, truly seriously risky.

Many times it is our desire to get rid of fear and anxiety that is holding us back from our dreams when we look to God and ask for help.

Those were probably times of extreme fear.

Why do people let fear control their lives, actions and beliefs? The response is the difference in between responding to fear and acting in worry.

Children normally respond intuitively to fear, which is suitable at this age.

The majority of grownups do not make the distinction in how to get rid of fear and anxiety, as when they were a child, and acting with their intellect when handling fear.

Individuals react intuitively to fear by either rejecting it or fleeing from it.

Yes, a life of purpose, and to get the life you want to live.

To a life of success!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Ways-To-Overcome-Anxiety-And-Get-The-Life-You-Want&id=9840418

Get to Know Your Unconscious Self - The 6 Core Human Needs

For both men and women there are 6 core needs, however the dominant features of these can vary between the genders.

1) Certainty, the need to live without fear and in a safe environment is important, safety is more important in women whereas security is more valued in men.

2) Uncertainty is also important which can equate to variety and challenge. The absence of this can lead to procrastination or self sabotage. An imbalance between comfort (certainty) can lead to counteractive behaviours. For example people with too much variety may seek comfort by spending hours doing housework which makes them feel calmer. Those seeking variety may express that by suddenly doing something irrational and against their value system which leads to them feeling bad afterwards. What they really crave is significance! This can manifest itself by behaviours such as having an affair which is totally out of character and results in immense pain for the person and the family members.

3) Belonging - this means a sense of love and connection to others either friends or family or even pets.

4) Significance - every human craves significance and will gravitate to situations that make them feel significant. If significance is lacking then the result may be as drastic as suicide or depression. Many people can have significance through one aspect of their life such as through work colleagues, however, be let down by a close family member such as on a significant life event. This can be a forgotten anniversary or birthday.

For others, attempting to connect with significance can be on an unconscious level coming from lack of self-esteem. These are people that put people down, come across as arrogant and generally come across as people you would not choose to be around.

These first 4 core needs represent the needs of a person whereas the last 2 represent the needs of the spirit.

5) Contribution - everyone needs to make a contribution to life to feel a sense of satisfaction. Whether you are a school teacher who relishes seeing the accomplishments of their students or a tradesperson who takes pride in seeing the consequences of a project they have completed.

6) Growth - learning allows us to see things through a new perspective that we never knew existed. For example, learning biological science means that you can never look at a tree the same way! Instead of seeing branches and leaves you are aware of the different layers of cells within each leaf and the metabolic processes that make it survive and grow. If you study sociology you understand the underlying causes of family and social dysfunction that exists within the traditional nuclear family.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Get-to-Know-Your-Unconcious-Self---The-6-Core-Human-Needs&id=9721434

How Well You Live Out Your Values Determines Your Success

Your values are the things that are most important to your ultimate success in life. Values are the things, ideas and principles we hold to be the most true and important to us. They are the standards by which we judge our actions. When we act in line with our values, we instinctively know we're moving toward success. When we violate those values, it causes stress and anxiety.

Far too often we don't realize that the path we're on is at odds with our values. We seem to be achieving our goals. We're making headway in one area, such as our career; but to do that, we may have been spending almost all of our time working on that part of our lives. If we have, what have we been ignoring? Most likely our family, our faith, our leisure and just about everything else.

Unless you're a total narcissist and self-centered jerk, this probably violates your values. We want to be successful, but we don't want to kill our marriage or alienate our spouse and children while we're at it. We don't want to violate our morals or do anything unethical. However, when we take an attitude of "Success at any cost" we often don't realize the true cost of that attitude.

All success has a cost. Sometimes this is a small cost, but sometimes it's a much bigger cost. Gurus say you have to determine the cost of your success and determine to pay it if we want to be successful. That's true, but the same success can have many different prices. The different prices are based on the methods and amount of time it takes to achieve that success. The faster, most expedient way to success usually has the highest cost, because it often ignores and violates our values.

When we believe one thing is true and yet behave in a different way, our consciences will bother us. If we believe in fidelity in marriage, then even a momentary infidelity will cause us anguish and guilt. This is going to be true for all of our values. The more important the value to us, the greater our guilt will be when acting contrarily to it. This is often the source of self-sabotage too. When things seem to be going well, and all of sudden we do something stupid to wreck it; it's likely because our success somehow violates a value. That might be that we aren't worthy of success or our methods were not in accord with our values.

I said we sometimes think we aren't worthy and that this is a value. You may not believe this, but it really is true. This sort of self-image can be so deeply held that we'll do anything to make sure we don't mess it up. Haven't you seen others do that? Have you ever done it yourself? This is why I say that how well we live out our values determines our success. If we value what is good and true in ourselves and others and live that out, we can't help but be successful. If we believe we're not worthy or don't deserve success and live that out, we'll not have the kind of success we could have.

Choose the right values that will support you and live them out. That's one of the best kept secrets of success

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Well-You-Live-Out-Your-Values-Determines-Your-Success&id=9414612

Are You Your Worst Enemy?

"Wow! Congratulations on a job well done!" I say to Sue, my client. She says, "I was just lucky."

I know that seems like no big deal, but it is. This is a very simple example of a fear of success. Most people want to succeed, but as soon as they do, what often ensues is a fear of success, and it is often invisible to themselves. They begin doing things to self-sabotage.

When you cannot own your power, own your success, own your accomplishments, you are afraid of success. When I inquire with my clients, (and I have dealt with this myself), there is something that is hidden from view. What is hidden is some version of the questions: "If I am highly successful, people (fill in the blank name) will expect it from me-how will I keep it up or do better?" OR "What if it was a fluke, and I fail, what will they think of me then?" Or "I don't want anyone to count on me, then I will have to xxxx (fill in the blank for yourself (e.g. perform, do something more than I want, etc.).

If you can dismiss your success with it is luck or you got a break or it was somehow a fluke or some entity/power had you do it, you don't have to own your own greatness, your own power. With owning your power, your success, your brilliance, comes being responsible for it as well. And frankly, in a general sense, we, as individuals don't want to be responsible for a lot of things.

Consider this---If I am responsible, people (or a person) will expect me to keep doing great things and will expect more from me. With that expectation, comes a fear of failing to keep it up. If I fail, they will be disappointed or mad or some version of upset. I will be embarrassed or ashamed and will look like a fool. I will avoid that at all costs. We, as individuals, do not want to look stupid or bad in any way, so we sabotage ourselves if there is any risk of this.

Sound familiar? I invite you to look at this for yourself. This is incredibly common. I know it looks like you are really trying to be more and more successful, but if you are willing, you may discover you are really afraid to succeed. You often sabotage your own success this way and are your own worst enemy.

If you want to succeed, you will need to allow yourself to get past your self sabotaging behavior. Next time you have a success and you want to dismiss it as anything other than you did a great job, I invite you to ask yourself this simple line of questions:

1. What am I afraid of?

2. If that happens, what is the worst thing that could happen?

3. If that worst thing does happen, will I be OK?

Asking yourself these simple questions allows you to be consciously aware of your own self sabotage and allows you to break your habit. Then, own your power and your greatness knowing you can survive if you have a failure in the future and are disappointed or look bad.

This may seem simplistic, but I can tell you in coaching thousands of people, it is very impactful. This process has caused many people to stop being their own worst enemy and take their success to the next level! I invite you to do the same.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Are-You-Your-Worst-Enemy?&id=9460798

5 Ways We Sabotage Our Relationships (and How to Stop)

Sometimes, we don't let ourselves get what we want. Here's why we should.

Self-sabotage in romance is largely an unconscious act. If you or your partner's behaviors don’t quite match with what you are communicating, you may find yourself confused about what’s going on in the relationship. Consider that there may be deeper forces operating between you. Here are five common ways we self-sabotage in romance:

1. “I can do it all.”

Believing you can and should do it all—emotionally, financially, physically, socially—both for yourself and your partner sets you both up for trouble. If you never believe you can rely on others, ask for help. If you never believe it’s okay to be vulnerable, you probably tolerate more than you can handle and perhaps more than is healthy. You may turn down the volume on your own emotions and not realize how burned out you truly are. Find ways to connect with your partner other than always doing things for them or managing their lives. Being self-reliant when necessary is a strength; being compulsively self-reliant is a curse.

2. “I can’t do it myself.”

The counter to “I can do it all” is believing you can’t do anything without another warm body present to guide you, stand by your side, and/or do it for you. When a partner becomes your emotional caregiver, resentment builds. In addition, if your whole well-being rests on someone else then you may start to feel desperate and fearful at the thought of losing them. When you think you can’t do something on your own—including work, social outings, managing difficult emotions, or taking a risk—do it in spite of yourself! Show your partner or future partners that you are a living, breathing, effective human being—all on your own. Then they can enjoy you without the burden of feeling emotionally responsible for you.

3. “I’m afraid to get what I want.”

I see it so often in my psychotherapy practice—a person wanting nothing more than a healthy partner to attach to for the long term. Only once the match presents itself, they panic. They may list Seinfeld-like quirks about the particular person—”When he chews his food he hums”—but once we get below the surface, invariably there is a fear of failure. “What if I can’t provide for her financially?” “What if I can’t be available in the way he needs?” “What if he hates my family?” “What if I can’t please her?” The list goes on. Some fear is inevitable when a person begins to feel close with another and warms to the realization that a meaningful match may be possible. It’s much easier to want something you can’t have. Once you know you can have it, a little fear kindles—a fear that you won’t be able to give the situation what it needs to grow. Talk yourself off this ledge. Instead of going internal, discuss with your partner what you fear. There is nothing more comforting than sharing our fears and seeing them met with love and understanding.

4. “I’m afraid I will be found out.”

Of course you will, and should be, "found out" if you are in a healthy union. The reality is that happy relationships, whether romance or friendship, take accountability. When those closest to you see your flaws and weaknesses, these are opportunities to be better known. Explain yourself, and how you got this way. Take responsibility when you hurt others or let them down. Being less than perfect doesn’t mean you are a failure; it means you are a real, living human being whom others can connect with. The problems I see come when couples hold themselves to impossible standards so that each sort of puts on a show for the other. Acting out a façade keeps people at a distance and makes for awkward and inhibited social and physical interactions.

5. “I’ll have to change.”

As soon as love comes in, your day-to-day routine changes. At first this can be fun—flirty texts during the day, spontaneous meet-ups during the work week, and sleepovers on the weekend. But once the novelty fades, you may find yourself overwhelmed at the idea of eventually living with someone, having to adjust your routine to accommodate that person. Change is inevitable in life. What fun would it be if you merely did the same thing for the next 80 years? Don’t deny the impact of your new situation, but do find a way to talk with your partner about the changes that are most challenging for you. See if you can problem solve together about ways to accommodate one another, ensuring the changes you do make aren’t too soon or overly abrupt.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201602/5-ways-we-sabotage-our-relationships-and-how-stop

UNDERSTANDING SMOKING HABIT AND HOW TO QUIT

When we understand why we do things, we understand how to make the necessary changes

Six million people die every year from the effects of cigarette smoking. 600,000 more die from illnesses related to exposure to secondhand smoke. It is expected that  by 2030 the figure of deaths will rise to 8 million. Quitting is not easy, but most smokers think about it. There are numerous products available on the market:  hypnosis, medication and group work.

What is the secret of a successful smoking cessation?

The main “catch” for quitting smoking is in the way you think about cigarettes and smoking. If your thoughts are: “Blessed are smokers because they can smoke, and I have to give up something so fine as well as cigarettes. Quitting will be hard! “, You will feel miserable and you will constantly yearn for a cigarette. If your thoughts are :”It feels great to finally quit . I’m free at last  / I’ve conquered slavery to nicotine, freedom! “, You will feel great. This sounds great and is actually true and very simple, but in practice people have many ways of self-sabotage on its way to the goal – to achieve this state of mind.

Which technique should you use to stop smoking?

The basic thing is, “reprogramming” of the brain. In fact, no one is born a smoker. Smoking is a form of behavior that we have learned: during a certain time you’ve programmed your brain to that behavior. Now, it is necessary to incorporate new neurological pathways in the brain that will make you accept another type of behavior. For example, when you are nervous and under stress, you are automatically reaching for a cigarette – it’s just the way you’re programmed.

Now, as a non-smoker you can choose new and useful ways that will reduce anxiety and stress, and give you even greater satisfaction than cigarettes. During a certain period of time (up to three weeks) try to create and consolidate new neural pathways in the brain. For example, try to get nervous when you reach for a cigarette. Instead of doing that, lie down on the couch and relax with your favorite music, take a walk or do something that fulfills you – this will definitely make you feel better than cigarettes .

It is difficult for smokers to achieve this state of joy during smoking cessation, because a constant sense of making sacrifices; why should I give up something. The trick is to be able to work on regaining the positive and supportive conditions, and acting simultaneously on your conscious and unconscious mind.

On a conscious level, you must learn techniques that help with- withdrawal symptoms (not everyone feels the symptoms). With these techniques, you can become aware of the reasons why you reach for a cigarette just at a certain point and you can discover the emotions that force you to smoke. In this way we learn to take control of ourselves, which is particularly important in times of temptation.

At a deep unconscious level, you must try to change your hardened and ineffective beliefs related to smoking and its own identity, such as “I am a smoker and it takes much more effort, so that I can quit smoking.” The change is achieved by using positive suggestions, in a deeply relaxed state.

Focusing on the brain instead of other methods

The brain is the “central pivot” of the body. It processes information from the environment, gives us instructions on how to behave and be responsible for regulating emotions. If the brain instructs “Have a cigarette, you’ll feel better,” then this is the right place to change such instructions. In the brain we become smokers, We must reverse the brain to a state of non-smokers. Everything else comes by itself.

Are hypnosis, acupuncture and drugs effective against smoking?

Hypnosis works when a person is really ready for a change. The hypnotist way is to persuade you to do something that you are not willing to do. If you really come to the decision to quit smoking, hypnosis is only an additional “tailwind” of your own decision.

What to do during smoking abstinence

It always a good thing to have a contingency plan for special moments of temptation (“Just one cigarette”), when mastering techniques for withdrawal and self-control. This plan will help you learn how to deal with negative thoughts that overwhelmed you in the period of abstinence. For example, I’ve always smoked a cigarette with a cup of coffee – can I avoid the cigarette now? Many say that quitting smoking just as hard as quitting drugs. The withdrawal phase is the most difficult to endure. What else to expect during withdrawal and how to survive successfully?

 Smoking withdrawal usually takes up to three weeks and is generally of psychological nature. Although the dynamics of addiction is similar with hard drug addicts, the withdrawal is very harder, there are intense physical crisis and a subsequent long-term psychological craving for the drug. The craving for a cigarette is subjective, people experience different intensity. Physical addiction to cigarettes is insignificant, because the nicotine leaves the body very quickly; only a few days after quitting.

We present to you a simple, yet very effective way in which you can clean the lungs within just three days. This method is tested by a few colleagues of mine and it was a success.

In fact, it’s all individually, we all know that cigarettes contribute to the poor condition of the lungs. This method is meant  for active and passive smokers,

 Here’s how to achieve it in three days:

• Stop consuming dairy products, two days before you start this method.
• Drink a cup of herbal tea before bedtime in the evening before the first day.
• A cup of herbal tea will help your intestines to get more rid of toxins easily.

 Procedure:

1. Squeeze the juice of two lemons and mix with 300 ml. water. Drink this juice before breakfast.
2. Then, after breakfast, drink 300 ml. fresh grapefruit juice or pineapple. These juices contain natural antioxidants, which are very important for the health of your lungs.
3. Between breakfast and lunch, drink 300 ml. freshly squeezed carrot juice. Carrot juice will improve the blood.
4. During lunchtime drink 400 ml. juice, rich in potassium. Potassium is a key element for clearing the lungs.
5. Also, drink 400 ml of cranberry juice before bedtime.

During these three days, in addition to juices, you should also exercise and have enough sleep. In order to improve the process of detoxification, you can make a hot bath and enjoy for at least 20 minutes.

This method may seem a little hard, but has worked before and you should see the results after three days.

http://www.naturaldietteam.com/understanding-smoking-habit-and-how-to-quit/

How to Overcome the Fear of Success

Entrepreneurs are known for being risk takers. We jump in with both feet knowing we could fail. And when we do fail, it doesn’t keep us from jumping in with both feet again. There is no fear of failure. Failure just means we need to try something different.

Fear of success? Now THAT'S the doozy.

Working with entrepreneurs of all ages, backgrounds and skills over the years, I’ve found there’s only one thing standing in the way of our success. Can you guess what it is? Point at yourself. It’s you. It’s me. It’s us.

We set deadlines, create to-do lists, write marketing plans, network like crazy and tell people about our incredible ideas. Nothing else is in the way of getting us to where we want to go, except self-sabotage -- the pesky excuses why we didn’t get something done, telling ourselves mediocre is good enough or believing that huge goal we set is just too big.  

The person who created the fake list of excuses is the person standing in our way. We can’t blame our families, upbringing, spouses, kids, circumstances or clients. It’s our fault, not theirs. It’s not because we can’t do the big thing; it’s just because we are afraid of the results.

So, what if you ARE successful? You might make a huge difference? Sounds terrible. Oh, not so terrible, huh? Because making a huge difference is what you’re meant to do, what you were created to do,  why you were put on this earth. (Even if it’s a huge difference in one person’s life.)

And I’m pointing at myself while I write this. As I’ve been transitioning my own business over the last two years, I’ve watched others do this and then realized that I too have been putting off the inevitable change. I’ve made excuses. Caused distractions. Staged events that would get in the way of success.

Because I’m terrified of success. Of the overwhelming amount of lives I can change, because I have that power inside of me. So, what if I’m successful? The world might be just that much sweeter because there are other humans out there who are doing what they’re called to do while supporting themselves and helping others. Sounds horrible, huh?

Ask yourself the same questions I’ve been asking myself:

Why am I standing in my own way?

Our pasts have a way of creeping in and being a part of our future. We can be such heavy objects to move out of the way. What do you need to let go of? What words have others said that still fill your mind? 

What does success look like to me?

Success can be an ethereal thing unless we define it. Getting clear on your goals is key to know what success looks like. And it can't be a moving target. Will you hit a certain monetary goal? Will you help a certain number of people? Are there smaller successes along the way you can set to get to your big success?

What happens when I am successful?

It can be a huge release to finally hit success, but what will happen you finally get there? Will you set another goal? Will you celebrate? Will you find a new direction? Will you quit?

Because you will be successful if you decide you’re going to be. Get out of your own way and quit with the excuses.  

http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/250583

5 Reasons We Don't Let Ourselves Be Happy

... and 5 ways to finally, and fully, pursue our own happiness

When it comes to our own happiness, many of us are familiar with the pattern of taking two steps forward, one step back. For example, if we want to lose weight, we may find that after having some success, which makes us happy, we drift up to a higher weight than we started at. If we find a new activity which fills us with joy, like hiking or yoga, we may realize months later that we have not made any time for doing it. We may even start a new friendship with someone we really enjoy, yet we soon find that we are somehow too “busy” to fit them into our schedule. If we fall in love, we start making excuses to pull away. And if we succeed in one area, we find ourselves sabotaging ourselves in another. When these instances occur, we often tend to blame circumstances or sheer bad luck. In reality, we are all—to varying degrees—intolerant of our own happiness.

In her bestselling book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, author and nurse Bronnie Ware reported that one of the most common regrets people have at the end of their lives is that they wish they’d let themselves be happier. This response indicates that people felt that while attaining their happiness was in their control, they somehow didn’t allow themselves to do the things that would make them happy.

Why might this be?

Many of us are more self-denying than we realize. We tend to think that pursuing the things that light us up is selfish or irresponsible. We all have moments when we listen to an internal critic that encourages us not to set goals or expect too much for ourselves and our lives. This “critical inner voice

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” is actually triggered when we take steps forward. It reminds us to stay in our place and not to venture out of our comfort zone.

The reasons we harbor these dark, self-sabotaging thoughts are complex, but they lie at the root of much of our maladaptive behavior. By understanding why we listen to this critic and take actions that defeat our wellbeing, we can gain a stronger foothold in overcoming these obstacles and allowing ourselves to be open to our own happiness.

Here are the 5 most common reasons we don’t let ourselves have what we most:

1. It disrupts our sense of identity. 

No matter how negative our self-perception may be, like a heavy blanket, it can feel familiar, comfortable, and safe. If we start to develop or change ourselves in some way that counters our cruel self-attacks, we can start to feel extremely uncomfortable and anxious. It can feel scary to surpass the way we’ve previously seen ourselves or been seen.

Our critical inner voice is built on old attitudes we were exposed to, usually very early in our lives. Negative ways we were viewed in our family or the ways people around us saw themselves seeped into our consciousness. As adults, we self-parent by maintaining these old attitudes and failing to differentiate

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 from destructive early influences. Yet, methods exist for differentiating ourselves to become our own unique person with a strong sense of self.

2. It challenges our defenses. 

Our defenses

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 are like armor we built against whatever hurt us. If we had an absent or rejecting parent or caretaker, we may make a vow to never let anyone too close. If we were often mistreated, punished or misunderstood, we may feel scared to stand out, succeed, or be noticed. We build defenses to adapt to undesirable elements of our early environment, but when we grow up and are in a new situation as adults, these behaviors and patterns are often no longer adaptive. We may find it hard to maintain intimate relationships or to excel in our careers. We may self-sabotage in countless ways by failing to challenge our defenses. We may even unconsciously seek out situations that were similar to those we experienced growing up, for example, finding a partner who reminds us of someone from our past. We may recreate dynamics from our childhood that, although unpleasant, are familiar and fit with our defenses. If we take the risk and drop our defenses, we make it more likely we will achieve true happiness.

3. It causes us anxiety. 

Going after what we want makes us feel more anxious and alive. When we act against our critical inner voice and break with our defenses, we tend to feel pretty stirred up at first. The voice in our head gets louder, and our desire to act against our own interest gets stronger. In these moments, giving up can actually soothe our anxiety by returning us to what’s comfortable and familiar. Yet, it isn’t long before we punish ourselves for messing up. Our inner critic becomes like a sadistic coach, and the self-destructive cycle starts again.

It’s helpful to realize that any effort to change is likely to be met with anxiety. If we hang in there and sweat through this uncomfortable feeling, however, the anxiety will subside. The way to deal with our anxiety is to overcome it by ignoring our inner critic and continuing to take those steps forward.

4. It stirs up guilt. 

Choosing to be happy in the present can represent a break from our past, particularly when we are challenging defenses and choosing a different life for ourselves. It’s very common to feel guilty to be our own separate person and especially to surpass people from our past. Breaking a point of identity can shatter what my father, psychologist Robert Firestone

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 described as a “fantasy bond

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,” which we experienced with influential figures in our upbringing. Even a parent who was hurtful to us in many ways was someone we once depended on for survival. Therefore, it may have been more favorable to maintain a fantasy that we were connected to them in some way. This can be frightening to break later in life.

Recent studies have shown that there are very strong links between a parent’s happiness and their children’s, even long after the child has grown up, moved away or entered into a relationship. This correlation illustrates how powerful this sense of connection can be and calls to question the role of guilt in surpassing a parent. If we push past our guilt and achieve more happiness than our parent, it will make us feel alone, but free.

5. It forces us to face pain. 

Psychologist Pat Love

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 once said that “when you long for something like love, it becomes associated with pain.” In many ways, getting what we want makes us feel pain and sadness, because it reminds us of something we didn’t get in our past. New, positive experiences can open up old wounds. In an often unexpected way, times when we are chosen can make us feel the sadness of times we were rejected. As we come alive, we’re forced to feel the pain of the old reasons we created our defenses. 

A fuller, more rewarding life tends to be more full of feeling in general. We can’t selectively numb pain without also numbing joy. If we allow ourselves to feel more love, gratitude and pleasure, we can expect to feel more sadness over the poignancy of time, loss, and the inherent vulnerability of the human condition.

How to Pursue Your Own Happiness

It’s a strange twist that the very thing that we most want, or that will be best for us, is often what we are most resistant to. No one else can tell us what will make us happy or what’s most important to us. This is something we all have to determine for ourselves, and once we do, it’s our job to fight for it.

There are 5 good ways to pursue the happiness you desire:

• Don’t go it alone. Share your journey, and tell someone else your goals, so that you feel accountable.
• Recognize a pattern to your critical inner voices and self-destructive behavior. This will help you to recognize when your inner critic is triggered so you can act against its hurtful directives.
• Find active ways to differentiate from negative influences in your past. Try to choose the qualities you want to emulate and reject those you don’t.
• Don’t take the mentality of a victim. Nothing, not even your past, can control you if you’re an independent adult, making your own choices.
• Recognize that you’re powerful, capable, and that setbacks won’t unravel you.

Each of these steps represents a large and ongoing challenge, but they are essential to living a life that has unique meaning to you. Contrary to any inner voice that may tell you you’re being selfish, when you create a life of personal value, you become more valuable to the world. Your happiness matters, and it will have a natural, ripple effect.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201507/5-reasons-we-dont-let-ourselves-be-happy

5 Habits Holding You Back From Your True Purpose (And How To Change 'Em)

Pursuing your purpose is the key to an authentic, fulfilling life. But where do you start? Being constantly attached to cell phones and laptops, and spending your days pursuing someone else's vision can detach you from your deepest desires.

The quiet reflection necessary to uncover your inner truths can seem unnatural or uncomfortable. But, in order to find your path, you have to spend time alone.

With that in mind, here's a step-by-step guide to conquering the obstacles between you and your true purpose. 

1. You haven't asked the hard questions.

Self-exploration can take many forms, but as a starting point, sit with yourself — alone — and ask these questions. Try to take the logical, rational mind out of this exercise and focus on your heart’s desires. Be sure to write down your musings. Writing out your thoughts reinforces them in your subconscious and conscious mind.

If possible, complete this exercise outside in nature. The organic environment can help to put things into perspective, as well as inspire and relax us.

• What ignites you? Some examples could be: music, acts of kindness, dance, art, philosophical debates, organizing, cleaning, sports, color, or writing.

• How might you redesign your life if there were no limits? What would you want to do in life? Be in life? See in life?

• What small steps can you take right now that will bring you closer to your ideal life?

Once you discover what activities and goals invigorate you, incorporate them into your life on a daily or weekly basis. These are the first steps towards integrating your passions and purpose.

2. You haven't embraced your unique gifts and strengths.

Celebrate your individuality and the gifts you have to offer. There's no one else who can do what you can do, or be what you can be.

What talents do you bring into this world? What gifts set you apart from others? How might you use them for a greater good?

3. You aren't setting a daily intention.

Give yourself a goal for the end of each day, or come up with a mantra to help you move closer to your purpose. Some examples could be:

• Today, I will achieve balance.
• Today, I will be grateful.
• I am empowered.
• I feel joy in the present moment.

I highly recommend writing down your intentions to reinforce and make them more powerful.

4. You're getting in your own way.

Although it's counterintuitive, we often self-sabotage, preventing ourselves from achieving our true potential.

Write down your potential minefields and reflect on what experiences or events in your life may have contributed to forming these thoughts or behaviors in the first place. Some examples of negative minefields:

• Negative self-talk/doubt
• Excuse-making
• Lack of confidence

5. You aren't listening to that still, small voice.

When you hear the desires of your soul, begin to design your ideal life around them. Ignoring them will lead to frustration and bitterness.

Debbie Ford said, "Your life is sacred. There is and always has been a path for your soul, and if you follow that path, it will lead you to the inner utopia that your soul longs to experience in this lifetime. You are here to manifest the glory of the divine in a way that will serve your own soul and serve the evolution of other souls as well."

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-20234/5-habits-holding-you-back-from-your-true-purpose-and-how-to-change-em.html