7 Secrets to Improve Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem is not a problem only faced by teenagers and youngsters.

There are many adults today - even in their golden years - who don't have good self-esteem.

This is sad because low self-esteem can make our relationships suffer, we are constantly envying other people and make us feel... pretty much lousy about ourselves.

It's time to change that!

Good Self-Esteem Will Make You Feel Great About Yourself

I'm sure you know a person or 2 who are comfortable in their own skin.

They don't crumble when people criticise them unjustly. They are comfortable saying 'I'm sorry' when they are wrong. And they are confident of their own talents. They can laugh at themselves.

The wonderful thing about high self-esteem is that it gives us

more success at work

we seem more attractive to our partners

we don't need others' approval

life seems more bright and joyful and less gloomy

we feel great about ourselves

However, I don't think it's our fault entirely if we have low self-esteem.

That's because the way our parents brought us up, had a HUGE impact on our confidence levels.

Were you expected to be 'perfect' when you were young?

Were you harshly criticised if you had a big dream or wanted something badly?

Were you constantly compared to other kids?

Have you 'failed' at achieving something (eg: losing a game, scoring a D in an exam) and made to feel as though you were a complete failure as a person?

The above are some examples of how our parents might have unknowingly stumped our self-esteem.

7 Ways to Re-build Our Self-Esteem

01

Accomplish more

I'm not referring to accomplishing something as big as winning an award or getting a medal at some sports event.

We can set small goals, pursue the small goals and achieve them. Once we've achieved our goals - be it small or big goals - we will have esteem-like feelings.

Make sure that the goals you set bring satisfaction to yourself. Don't set goals to please another person or to get praise!

Do you know what's interesting?

Bragging a little bit of our accomplishments on Facebook or Instagram can also boost our self-esteem. Just don't overdo it or we will be a tad annoying 😉

02

Be Aware of Your Talents

This might seem obvious to some of us.

But low self-esteem people are not aware or choose to ignore their strengths.

If you put pen to paper and list your strengths and talents, you might be surprised that your list is longer than you thought.

Or, you can get a trusted person to list your strengths. You will get insight into your talents you were not aware of!

03

Treat yourself like a worthwhile person

This is where self-care comes in.

Pamper yourself with a massage, a warm bath, diffuse some essential oils (geranium essential oil evokes feelings of self-love if you are into the metaphysical), play with a pet or child, journal, exercise, dine at your favourite place... basically do activities which make you feel awesome.

These feel-good activities will send signals to your mind that you are a valuable person worthy of nice things in life.

04

Fake it till you make it

Is there a celebrity whom you admire because she is so confident of herself during interviews?

Or someone you know personally?

We can model their body language. Confident people tend to shake hands firmly, make eye contact, speak clearly and stand tall. When we adopt their body language, people will treat us with respect which in turn, makes us feel confident.

I personally admire Queen Rania of Jordan. She gently draws boundaries when meeting people in public places whilst maintaining a smile on her face and very polite body language even when unknown women rush to smother her with hugs at events.

Jennifer Lopez is another celebrity who is a master in people skills. She can answer awkward interview questions with jokes, she laughs at herself and effortlessly makes herself seem humble and approachable. It's a well-honed skill.

05

Talk & spend time with high self-esteem people

I adore spending time with people who are positive.

They help me to reframe any problem I have as something that will pass.

High self-esteem people will make us feel energised and recharged after spending time with them.

They are open to admit any mistakes or 'failures' they've had and they will still be supportive of us when we make mistakes ourselves.

In short, they accept you for who you are, flaws and all.

Value these people tightly.

06

Be Kind to Yourself

I like a quote I came across recently: "You can't get life wrong because there's no such thing as getting life right."

Everybody makes mistakes. Successful people make even more mistakes than the average person.

When we 'fail' at something, focus on tweaking our strategies. 'Failures' are feedback that our strategies need tweaking.

'Failures' have nothing to do with us as a person. So don't beat ourselves up when we falter.

07

Tame the inner critic

All of us have inner critics. These pesky little things will negate our capabilities.

Inner critic example: "My superior praised my work today. I think he was just being polite. Or maybe he is in a good mood. I'm sure my work wasn't that fantastic."

We can reframe it with: "I feel good that my superior praised my work today. It may not be perfect, but I did the best I could. I feel proud for pushing myself."

I've heard of a successful businessman who has an unorthodox approach to this. He visualises his inner critic as an iguana (of all things!). He said that all of us have these 'iguanas' living in our minds.

When negative self-talk starts in his mind, he will shrug it off as the 'iguana' blabbering (yet again).

This is one creative way we can separate our destructive self-talk from ourselves.

Please remember that changes in habit or mindset takes time. 🙂

We will not be a confident superstar immediately after applying all the 7 tips above. If we've been having low self-esteem for years, we can't just switch to being a confident person in 1 day.

Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to change.

https://ezinearticles.com/?7-Secrets-to-Improve-Self-Esteem&id=9964235

4 Steps to Help You Be Heard When You Lack Self Esteem

You whisper a suggestion, and the person besides you parrots what you've said to great applause. You want to scream out and say "that was my idea" but your throat is dry, you feel clammy and sweaty and just want the moment to end. Your heart is beating so fast you are sure it is noticeable. At least the focus is off you for now but then suddenly it's your turn to offer something, to say anything and you can't. You are frozen in fear. Business moves on and you want to say something, to say anything so your superiors know that you have something to contribute. The stress response has three options for you, fight or flight, which we are familiar with and then the third, freeze. You cannot move. It's as though you have become disconnected from your body.

You are sick and tired of seeing those less qualified promoted above you, people you've even trained! Why doesn't anyone just notice you and sing your praises? You do all the work and do it well but it goes unnoticed. You've fallen into the rut of being dependable, you never say no to extra work but when favors are being dished out, no one notices your existence.

Was it always like this you ask yourself? You used to have ambition and drive but you're stuck. Your bosses are becoming younger and younger and see you more as a relic from a time gone by, no longer interested in the detail that you pride yourself on.

You find yourself feeling unwell, you may have IBS or other stomach related anxiety. Every day is nerve wrenching as you try to find a way to be noticed for the right reasons. You are competent when left to work alone but as soon as someone in authority is around, you freeze, just like what used to happen at school.

Why?

Because your mind associates authority and your "superiors" as somehow having power over you and you become the "little girl". This is who is reacting in any situation where the focus is upon you. You want attention but you don't and your mind becomes conflicted. You feel unworthy of attention as that inner critic seeks to silence you. How many times have you told yourself, no one is interested in what I have to say, what would I know, they'll laugh at me.

Communication has very little to do with the words that are spoken. It is tone and your body language. This is why bullying claims are very hard to prove, the words of he said/she said are anemic on paper.

Whispering won't get you noticed, you have to learn to speak up in such a way that others listen. They hear you. But you have to believe in yourself before others and believe in you.

Who is someone that is always heard? Do they whisper and cower or do they take up the space they occupy without any hesitancy or apology for being around?

You can use them as a model, a way to understand the relationship between confidence and body language. Improve one, you improve the other. Let's start with these 4 steps. Stand in front of your mirror to notice like a before and after image. Look at how you are standing and your expression, not fun for you, I bet. Now step away and do the following:

4 steps to learn how to speak up:

1. Lower your voice. That's right, lower your pitch. Little girls are high-pitched and so are women and men who lack confidence. Practice it in a store buying a coffee, practice at home.

2. Play your favorite tune in your mind. This must be a song from when you felt alive and confident, an anthem from your teenage years. Singing activates both parts of the brain, the left (logic) for the words and right for the melody. It immediately relaxes the body to prevent your shoulders rolling forward to try to disappear. Singing will encourage you to open your chest.

3. Learn to say "no". Whether or not, you have the time and energy, just start saying no. Don't add an excuse. Just say no. Practice this in the mirror, in a lower timbre and loosen the body with your favorite song, and say, no. Picture the person who prevails upon you the most, the person you carry and say no. Have a giggle to yourself at the sense of power this gives you. You are not a little girl/boy but an adult.

4. Whose confidence do you admire? It can be someone you know, or an actor or a character from a story or movie. See them in your mind's eye, what is it you admire? Drift into their bodies, like trying on clothes, and see what it feels like.

Now go back to your mirror, what are the differences you can see, I bet your face is more relaxed and your body more at ease!

These are little steps that you can adapt and use immediately. It is important to clear the past and choose a therapy modal that suits you. Hypnotherapy and NLP are ideal modalities to raise self esteem as they go to the core of your inner self, your subconscious mind and to heal your inner child self who never learned to speak up because she/he thought what they had to say was not worthy of being heard.

You don't need to be defined by your past. Let these 4 steps act as a catalyst to help you be heard.

https://ezinearticles.com/?4-Steps-to-Help-You-Be-Heard-When-You-Lack-Self-Esteem&id=9611229

Career Advice: Improve Your Communication Skills

The ability to communicate effectively is the most important skill for building your career. As you interact with your clients and colleagues, the way you communicate speaks volumes about your professionalism, and it allows you to forge powerful connections that will take your career to the next level. It is important to remember, however, that good communication involves more than just the ability to speak eloquently. Keep these strategies in mind as you work on your communication skills, and you will notice improvements in every area of your career.

Focus on Listening

Too often, communication breaks down because people are too distracted to listen. Although it's tempting to try to guess what the other speaker is going to say next or plan your response, it is important to stay focused throughout the other person's speech. Avoid staring out the window or glancing at your phone. Instead, look directly at the other person and make it your goal to hear every word they say.

Show Interest

People enjoy talking to people who give them a favorable response and showing interest in the other person is essential for building relationships with clients. In fact, a simple smile or nod as they talk can prompt them to provide you with more insight into their preferred style of financial management. While you do not have to agree with everything a person says, it does help to show that you are genuinely trying to understand their perspective.

Pay Attention to Nonverbal Cues

Body language can often reveal far more than a person's words. Yet, you can also give off the wrong signals if your body language does not match the impression you want to convey. Make sure to maintain a calm, relaxed posture. Avoid crossing your arms or leaning back casually in your chair. Instead, lean toward the person who is speaking and make eye contact so they know you are fully involved in the conversation.

Ask for a Preferred Method of Communication

Everyone has a preferred way to communicate and tapping into a person's preferences will show you care while also getting you faster responses. During your initial meeting with someone, ask how they prefer to communicate. You may also notice when a client ignores your voicemails but quickly responds to an email. When this happens, switch your main method of communication to reflect their preference.

Provide Feedback

Misunderstandings are one of the biggest breakdowns in communication that can occur. For this reason, it is best to end every conversation with clarification of what has been discussed. Rephrase what the other person has said and ask questions about anything you do not understand. This gives the other person an opportunity to correct anything that may have been misinterpreted.

Improving your communication skills will bolster your career by eliminating misunderstandings and allowing you to build stronger professional relationships. As you work on this critical career skill, remember that communication strategies are always a work in progress. Treat each new contact as an opportunity to continue improving your ability to communicate and you will see results in the favorable responses you receive from your clients and colleagues.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Career-Advice:-Improve-Your-Communication-Skills&id=9480410

Stop Is One of the Most Underutilized Four Letter Words in the English Language

Have you ever found yourself on the receiving end of someone's tirade while sitting in your living room, the board room, or at a family gathering? Have you found yourself screaming in your mind, "stop", yet the word is stuck in your throat and you cannot even imagine saying it out loud?

Well, guess what? This is just what I'm encouraging you to do. It really is okay, and actually emotionally healthy to say, "stop" if we are feeling that someone is speaking to us in a way that feels uncomfortable or is unacceptable.

Don't Only Yield to The Needs of Others

As an emotionally healthy adult, it is our responsibility to teach people how we want to be treated. We cannot assume that the other person knows how we are feeling, or if something is upsetting us. In part, this means if someone says or does something that is not okay with us, then we need and deserve to say, "stop."

This can be done in a non-aggressive and healthy manner.

• Don't shout, speak in a calm, yet firm voice.

• Be mindful of your tone of voice and body language.

• Use "I" instead of "You" statements.

• Your response may sound something like this, "Please stop. I need you to stop."

Developing Acceptable Signals & Healthy Boundaries

I encourage the individuals and couples that we work with in our psychotherapy practice to establish guidelines around how they want to be treated by the people in their life. The time to have this discussion is when both individuals are in "neutral". When there is no emerging issue, or current conflict for either person. This is a healthy way of discussing how each person wants to be treated. When both people agree to this, healthier interactions tend to take place.

The focus of the discussion is utilizing a very specific and individualized method of setting emotional boundaries. What works for one person, may not be satisfactory for the other. Therefore, it's important to determine what each person is comfortable with in their communication with each other.

"Boundaries serve as a reminder that there are two distinct people in the relationship with their own perspectives, needs, feelings, and interests." ~ Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC and relationship expert

Many may prefer that the other not put their hand up, or use assertive body language, to interrupt while communicating. Hence why it's important to come up with the words, and acceptable signals, beforehand. This way both people are comfortable with what's established so that's part of the agreement. This discussion, and new communication method, is planned and processed in advance, so this becomes the new normal.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Stop-Is-One-of-the-Most-Underutilized-Four-Letter-Words-in-the-English-Language&id=9649887

Tips for More Conscious and Innovative Body Language

Successful innovation is fascinating as it combines the best of intelligent thought with expressing it in a way that emotionally "moves" others into action. This combination is often a challenge as many gifted, technical innovators prefer to focus on ideas, software and gadgets more than on people. The sales and marketing types like focusing on the customer more than on the mechanics of what they are selling. Very few seem to balance or handle both equally well. Yet for those who do, for instance: Steve Jobs, Bill Gates and Larry Ellison, to name a successful few, the rewards can be very rich indeed.

I have had the privilege to work with many organizations in the IT and Telecommunications areas, regarding their leadership, sales and presentation skills. From that experience I can say that when technicians relax and get clear on the power and leverage available to consciously communicate using their body language, magic starts to happen.

I have noticed that for innovators, the most common wake up call comes when they get clear over how much information their bodies express, regardless of whether they are aware of it or not. All too often a brilliant idea never leaves the PowerPoint slide because its delivery either annoyed the listeners or put them to sleep. The content and delivery of your message must attract and inspire in order to reach the next step. You may have invented the perfect mouse trap, but if you cannot present it in a way that inspires and engages your listener, then who are you really talking to? For instance, an interesting thought to ponder is how the world would now look if Leonardo Da Vinci had inspired himself and others to actually construct some of his inventions while he was alive. Instead it took 500 years to realize most actually worked. Even though he seems to have been a student of self-expression (witness Mona Lisa's smile), could he practiced more of what he preached?

A critical skill for successful self-expression is more conscious use of our most important communication tool, our own body. Below are some simple tips.

Be Present. If you insist on remaining "up in your head" when speaking, count on leaving your listeners behind. Learn to serve them (and ultimately yourself) by dancing here and now with their questions and addressing their concerns. Your knowledge of your subject and how to deliver it will flourish when you put it in a way it can be heard, understood and acted upon. The key? Be Here, Now and serve!

Relax and be open. Can you catch more money and ideas in a tightly clenched fist or an open and relaxed palm? Stress shortens your life, calm lengthens it.

The choice is yours.

Feel more. The key to becoming more present is feeling. After all, when is the only time you can feel anything other than here and now? So, if you feel some butterflies in your stomach, a pain in the neck, sadness, anger, joy or even fear... Congratulations, you are still alive! Take a deep, joyous breath and begin focusing your intellect and energy on efficient delivery of your message.

Inspire. The word inspire comes from Latin and means to "breathe in spirit". To bring any innovation into existence you will need to inspire yourself and others into action. The easiest way to begin is to inhale more air. Notice what happens to the power and believability of you and your message. We are all essentially wind instruments. Just like a flute or tuba, the more air you use, the more power and feeling you can resonate towards your listener.

React less/Respond more. React means to "act again", respond means to "answer back". The first is an automatic process often triggered by an old, often forgotten behavior pattern. The second may start with the exact same stimulus, yet adding a bit of conscious reflection you can respectfully answer back in a way that moves your conversation and its possibility forward, towards your innovative goal.

Demonstrate Respect. As Aikido master Yoshigosaki suggests, "treat your listeners in a way which shows you, "understand that you have no understanding of who they are". What kind of response and support will you receive when you practice treating others with all the wonder and curiosity of a small child?

Could this enhanced level of respect inspire the insight and finance to further your cause?

Appreciate all contributions. You may think that what was said was the dumbest thing you ever heard, especially with its reference to your brilliant innovation. Yet, what if that is the best response the speaker could currently muster? What if he/she is looking for your support and guidance to understand your message enough to write you a big check?

The more you practice and embody these body language fundamentals, the more you will be able to express, implement and even monetize your great ideas

http://ezinearticles.com/?Tips-for-More-Conscious-and-Innovative-Body-Language&id=8687460

Be Assertive And Get Ahead

If you, like many others, have no clue how to put your foot down without being rude, don't stress because you can become assertive.

Assertiveness is the key to good communication.

Most problems in relationships and low self-esteem or confidence are caused by bad communication skills. Therefore, it's important to communicate correctly to get what you want.

There are four different communication styles: aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive and assertive, which can be broken down as follows.

Aggressive: People who communicate in an aggressive way will shout, threaten and blame others, but no one really listens to them. You could probably point out a few culprits in the office without much effort! What then happens is that as soon as we're blamed or attacked, we build a 'wall' around us, don't listen anymore and try to counter-attack.

Passive: Those who have a passive communication style tend to feel that others take advantage of them. Passive people are scared to say what they think or often don't even know what they want; hence others might use or manipulate them.

Passive-aggressive: If you're passive-aggressive, you also don't say what you really want or think, but rather make cynical remarks or talk in a sarcastic, negative way. Those remarks often have nothing to do with the actual cause of your feeling upset.

Assertive: You communicate to achieve a certain outcome in a way that is respectful of ourselves and others.

So let's get to work and look at how you can become more assertive.

1. The mental picture: Before an important conversation, think about your desired outcome. What do you want to achieve? Know what you want.

2. Mean it: When you say 'no', don't make it sound like a 'maybe'. Say 'no' and mean 'no'.

3. Body talk: Remember, your body language has to match your verbal language. Don't say 'no' but have a smile on your face and sound as if you can be convinced otherwise.

4. Be your own taskmaster: Challenge your own irrational thoughts and negative feelings. Why do you feel guilty to say 'no'? Why do you keep on thinking, "I should have... " or "I could have... "? Concentrate on the positives.

5. Be simple: Be clear and to the point. Take responsibility for getting your message across and make sure your message is understood the way you intended it.

6. Deep breaths: Try not to be hasty when making decisions or committing to something. You can always say, "I will come back to you on that one."

7. Avoid the blame game: Don't blame others and avoid the 'you' word, "You did this... " or "You are wrong... ". Rather use statements like, "I feel... " or "I get the impression that... ".

8. Take your head out of the sand: Sometimes we cannot agree on one thing. Be prepared to negotiate a compromise that suits both parties. Make sure you don't sacrifice your rights.

9. Believe: Believe that you are worthy, that you have rights and that you matter.

It pays to be assertive. It gives you a confidence boost, improves your self-esteem, allows you to give and receive compliments and criticism, reduces stress and let's you establish healthy relationships and take responsibility for your emotions. It takes practice to become more assertive. Try it out first with friends and others who are easy to talk to. Remember, small successes will strengthen your new communication style. The more you practice, the more it will become a part of you.

Always remind yourself that you deserve to get what you want by respecting yourself and others.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Be-Assertive-And-Get-Ahead&id=9429232

The First Step in Reading Body Language

Your baseline is how you communicate about non-stressful topics. It's what you might call "normal" movement and style of speaking.

When you've determined someone's baseline, you can start to read that person's body language, which is all about seeing and hearing the deviations from baseline.

Baseline and the factors contributing to it might change depending on the context. For example, your style of relaxed speech and behavior might be different at home and at work. As a corollary, the topics that trigger an emotional response in the two environments might be different. At work, if a direct report says, "No, I don't want to do that," you might feel a wave of stress coming on. But if your 12-year-old niece says, "No, I don't want to do that," it's just another day in adolescent land.

The skill of baselining focuses your attention on the components of a person's movements and characteristic of voice and speech.

Let's say you want to baseline your boss. Here's how you might do it.

The two of you are talking about a trade show coming up. You're doing mostly routine planning so there is no disagreement or anxiety in the conversation. You notice the following:

• When she's remembering how the booth looked last year, she looks up and to the left.

• When she's visualizing the booth for the next show, which should look very different, she looks up and to the right.

Even though reading eye movement to determine whether someone is remembering or imagining isn't foolproof, with a lot of people, it holds up time after time. That is, they look up to one side to recall something they know-it doesn't matter which side-and up and to the other side to construct a visual image. That left-right eye movement is part of her baseline.

Another thing you notice is that she doesn't usually use fillers such as "um" or "like." The only time you noticed her using a few fillers was when she happened to mention the budget for the new booth-maybe that was a source of stress for her.

Next, you see that she normally moves her hands and arms a lot. She seems to punctuate everything she says with raised arms or a pointed finger. What does it mean if you see her on the floor of trade show and she's talking without moving her hands or arms? That's a deviation from baseline and it means she's under stress!

When you're skilled at baselining, you notice big and little expressions. Baselining helps you recognize the details that matter.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-First-Step-in-Reading-Body-Language&id=9401012

7 Golden Keys to Listening

At Me or To Me?

All too often we are far more enthusiastic about talking than we are listening. Yet listening is vital if we are to communicate effectively. Most breakdowns in relationships are caused because people talk at each other not to each other. How does such a little word cause so much damage?!

When we are actively listened to, we feel valued and are far more likely to engage in negotiation and compromise.

Listening is about far more than words. Watching facial expression and body language is often a far more accurate barometer of what's going on than the words that are being used. An example is you hearing nice things being said but the smile doesn't reach the eyes.

Make Eye Contact - Then Relax

Read the body language of the talker. Are they relaxed, anxious, angry? Extremes are easy to recognize but often the message is much more subtle.

Mirror the talker's body language

Subtle and small motions here work best. This is a gentle dance rather than a caricature. Show that you are listening by a nod or ask a better question, or ask them to clarify if you are not clear about their meaning such as, 'So what you are saying is... '

Ask a better question

Start with who, what, where, or when. This will help you to form a question. Be careful of the tone of your voice when you respond or ask questions. It is all too easy to come across as judgmental or as an interrogator from the Spanish Inquisition if you're not present and in the moment.

Be Empathetic

If you feel sad when the person with whom you are talking expresses sadness, joyful when she expresses joy, fearful when she describes her fears-and convey those feelings through your facial expressions and words-then your effectiveness as a listener is assured. Empathy is the heart and soul of good listening.

To experience empathy, you have to put yourself in the other person's place and allow yourself to feel what it is like to be her/him at that moment. This is not an easy thing to do. It takes energy and concentration. But it is a generous and helpful thing to do, and it facilitates communication like nothing else does. Acknowledge the person by saying- 'oh I'm sorry to hear that.' Be careful not to fall into the trap of going into anecdotes from your experience, though. Say "I get the feeling that you're upset, how I can help?' rather than "Oh I know how you feel because the same thing happened to me! But wow mine was bigger, more difficult etc.'

Take a genuine interest

If you're simply going through the motions the lack of sincerity will be obvious to others. Leave your ego behind and have your full attention on the other person.

Don't interrupt or offer Solutions

When I was growing up I was taught that it's rude to interrupt. I'm not sure that message is getting across anymore! Certainly the opposite is being modeled on the majority of talk shows and reality programs, where loud, aggressive, in-your-face behavior is condoned, if not encouraged.

Interrupting sends a variety of messages. It says:

· "I'm more important than you are."

· "What I have to say is more interesting, accurate or relevant."

· "I don't really care what you think."

· "I don't have time for your opinion."

· "This isn't a conversation, it's a contest, and I'm going to win."

We all think and speak at different rates. If you are a quick thinker and an agile talker, the burden is on you to relax your pace for the slower, more thoughtful communicator-or for the employee who has trouble expressing himself.

When listening to someone talk about a problem, refrain from suggesting solutions. Most of us don't want your advice anyway! If we do, we'll ask for it. Most of us prefer to figure out our own solutions. We need you to listen and help us do that. Somewhere way down the line, if you're absolutely bursting with a brilliant solution, at least get the speaker's permission. Ask, "Would you like to hear my ideas?"

http://ezinearticles.com/?7-Golden-Keys-to-Listening&id=9368253

Conduct Your Relationship With Love and Care

Jesus said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." Matthew 22:37(a). Jesus said, "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." John 15:12.

When we respond to our significant other with anger or sarcasm, or short and choppy replies out of frustration, we are sending harsh and fighting signals to them. It is unusual for a couple to never have conflicts, misunderstandings or disagreements. However, our response - that is attitude as well as words - is the very spark that either inflames the situation or triggers the calm toward resolution. Fellas, how do we respond?

Here is a better way to solving a problem in your relationship. First, take a deep intentional breath. Next, what do you understand the problem to be that has your stress level rising? Then, before speaking convince yourself that your girlfriend/wife did not intend to irritate or touch your rawness. Now, you may respond with calm and a loving attitude in order to prevent the anger from getting higher and more dangerous. With a loving approach you may enjoy the result of having stopped what could have been a serious argument from happening at all.

When you honestly want to have a successful marriage or relationship and keep your love life fresh and ongoing, you want to understand your partner from a different perspective. The below list contains the core issues or main issues that couples face in an ongoing relationship. This list is not all of the issues you have or may face, but it is the list of those which couples have reported that are most common.

Communication

The most frequent cause of broken relationships is a failure to openly and honestly communicate. Silence, when a few calm words would be appropriate, can destroy a relationship. Do not dread communication with your loved one. Just sprinkling a little bit of love on them is a good thing and, shows no fear.

Their day was a hard day's work or maybe just a bad day. You can take the pain away by using calm and loving communication. In this way, you change from being the selfish taker to being the care giver which your loved one needs and deserves from you.

Sometimes the communication gap has been there for so long it can be difficult to break the ice. If you are in a this situation, then consider one or more of the following suggestions:

First of all, do you have regularly scheduled dates? If not, this may be the beginning of reviving the romance for both of you. Turn the TV off and sit down with your loved one and ask "what day this week would you like to go out?" Set a specific date to go out with your loved one. The next question to ask is what would they like to do best? Movie, dinner, or dancing or getting a baby sitter and just sit at home talking or playing your favorite game. Whatever is decided, you take the initiative and immediately arrange all the details. Do not ask your loved one to make the arrangements [if they offer to do so, then consider that as different]. Remember, spending time at home and having a really loving time of healthy talk is a great way to reconnect. But if you do not set a specific time and date, your special evening may never happen.

If you live together, take special precautions to limit your TV watching time. Generally, if you're focused on watching a TV show, you are not bonding with your partner. [NOTE: this is also true with your children.]

Stop the interruptions. When you are spending time with your loved one, turn your phones off so that nothing interrupts your time together. No one that important is going to call or text.

If you have children, then be sure to make arrangements for them. Either wait until after they are put to bed to begin the evening together or schedule a sitter or take them to a friend's or relative's house to watch them.

Each of us must learn and remember that raised voices and words spoken in anger have a lasting effect on children who witness the unpleasantness. Children have love and affection for both parents. So long as one parent is not abusing the children by forcing them to choose one parent over the other, they will only be very confused, embarrassed, and stressed when parents yell and speak angrily to one another. Use reasoned good sense. If you have a difficult matter or one that is more likely to degenerate into a loud argument, plan accordingly. Would a public place be more appropriate?

Always be intentional in keeping quiet until your partner has finished talking. DO NOT INTERRUPT THEM. If both of you are frequently guilty of interrupting each other, then it is time for both of you to establish some rules to follow so that things change.

When you are fidgeting (one foot then the other or twirling your fingers) while your partner is talking, you are communicating your disinterest in what they are saying. DO NOT FIDGET. Be attentive and look into your partner's eyes while they talk. Your body language tells your partner whether or not you are truly interested in what they are saying.

Tips to solve problems

Be truthful, always. No exception. Be honest about everything that is going on with you. Relationships are formed on impressions and expectations or assumptions. However, they only last as the two people become truthful with each other which results in trusting one another. When your loved one's trust in you is broken, it is nearly impossible to re-establish that lost trust. When this occurs, the relationship is more likely to permanently fall apart.

Money and financial issues are the most common cause of conflict in your relationship. No one is automatically trained and disciplined in keeping financial matters from becoming serious indebtedness. You must be willing to learn the art of record keeping and budgeting. No one can live on hopeful expectations. Whether you share bills and expenditures with each other or only one has the lions share of income and responsibility, it is vital that both of you know and understand the financial details. When something happens that causes a shortage of money to become a problem, both must be prepared and willing to solve. It doesn't have to be a bad thing to share your money with your partner.

Understand that being in a relationship means being there for one another. Real love is being there in good times or bad. When issues arise between you - and they will - know that "what you choose to do in face of the difficult issue" is more important than the issue. Love will take away all pain when each of you show love in good times or bad. When you show love wherever possible, your relationship will bloom like a beautiful, healthy flower.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Conduct-Your-Relationship-With-Love-and-Care&id=9388646

5 Body Language Secrets That Boost Your Productivity

Body language has become a popular subject area in recent years since the release of the best-selling book <What Every BODY is Saying> written by an ex-FBI agent Joe Narvarro.

While certain gestures can be faked when someone tries to convey misleading information, there are micro expressions that are very difficult to be controlled consciously.

Anyhow, psychologists and behavioral scientists have proven that your body language can shape who you are. (Amy Cuddy's Ted talk is one of the great examples.)

Below are 5 ways to influence your feelings and productive actions by controlling your body language.

#1 The Wonder Woman Pose

Yes, I am talking about the renowned DC Comics's Diana Price power pose.

Research have found that when you do that pose for just 2 minutes, your testosterone level can be raised by 20%, while cortisol levels can drop by 25%. Testosterone is directly related to your energy level and motivation while cortisol is the stress hormone that we want as little as possible.

Thus, when you stand up tall, put your chest out, place your hands on your hips like a beautiful "Wonder Woman", you will feel much more driven to do the work.

#2 The "Chop That Head" Movement

This is one of my favorite "state change" tricks.

Whenever I feel tense, stressed or overwhelmed, the fastest way I've found to get myself back to the positive, dominant and productive state is to do this "chopping head" movement.

Basically, you hold your hand as if you're a karate master. You do that knife hand strike and cut straight through the air from your head to your stomach.

It may look silly when you are performing the gesture, but this is a very effective way to summon your warrior energy to help you crush anything. When you feel like an unstoppable gladiator, you are naturally more willing to get back to work on that difficult task.

#3 Crazy Hopping Dance

Another super movement that can get you back in state is to hop like an excited kid with your hands throwing up the sky.

Enthusiasm does not just come to you. You've to take the responsibility to generate it.

When I turn on some Electronic Dance Music (EDM) in Spotify and start to dance as if I've won the championship, I will feel awesome within 3 minutes and I will be in state again to dominate my path.

Between shyness and success, what are you going to choose?

#4 Stand Up & Work If You Can

Excessive sitting is killing you.

Our body is designed to move, not to remain sedentary. We used to move around all day long when we were hunters and gatherers, but industrial revolution started this "pandemic of immobility".

Journal of Internal Medicine found that sitting more than 11 hours a day raises premature death risk by 40%. Also, excessive sitting causes a ton of health issues like cardiovascular diseases, heart attack, drop in good cholesterol, increase in diabetes risks etc.

Advice?

Invest in a standing desk or even a treadmill desk if you are able to. Commit yourself to at least 20 minutes of thinking walks during the day. Move your body as much as you can and stop sitting so long!

#5 When In Doubt, Lean Out and Slow Down Your Movements

During important conversations like deal negotiations, a lot of people lean in and react to what the others say. This actually communicates that you kind of need the thing to happen and you'll likely to fidget.

Not only will this set you into a lower bargaining position, but this will also make you more nervous and probably fail to get the outcome you want.

Remember, when in doubt, lean out.

Take a few deep breathes down to your belly, relax your shoulders, look up and put your chin up. Slow down the words, the gestures and cut your movement into half.

This signals back to your brain that "No big deal, I can handle this crap" and you'll increase your chance of having a productive outcome.

So, have you got your favorite body language secret out of the 5 above? Regardless, stop all your learning, go out there, and start implementing one of them today!

http://ezinearticles.com/?5-Body-Language-Secrets-That-Boost-Your-Productivity&id=9487721

Body Language Secret - Your Eyes!

Body language is important because you are SHOWING the world what you are feeling and thinking. Your body is "talking" (communicating) without you saying one single word. Yikes!

For today, my number one tip for body language is your eyes! There are two important tips to remember.

Eye Contact - Body Language

When talking with someone, look that person in the eyes! Not in a creepy way, but with interest!

Creepy: Creepy is when you don't blink, you stare, or concentrate on another part of their face! Don't do creepy!

Interviewing: For any type of interview (job, pageant, etc.), do NOT look away when someone asks a question. I've seen this so many times and not sure WHY someone thinks that looking away is "the thing" to do. The answer to the question being asked is NOT on the ceiling or in the other room. Look at the person! I believe that we have seen people of influence look away when answering a question and we think it's what we are "supposed" to do. It's NOT!

A Skill: Looking at someone in the eye is not a "natural" skill. In fact, I've had to teach my daughters to greet people while looking them in the eye. It's not something that everyone learns from a parent or picks up by watching others. Therefore, do NOT hesitate to help someone with this important and very basic communication skill. Without this skill of looking people in the eye, you may not get the job or get noticed by that special someone!

Talk With Your Eyes The Eyes Have It!

When communicating, your eyes are a big part of what you are saying. Your eyes can show interest, boredom, excitement, sympathy, panic, wonder or happiness! Yes - your eyes say so much about what you are thinking and feeling!

Tips for talking with your eyes:

First: make certain you follow the tips above! No creepy eyes, don't look away when answering a question and eye contact is a skill that can be learned!

Second: talking with your eyes includes your eyebrows and forehead. Yep - think about it. When you open your eyes in wonderment, you lift your eyebrows and your forehead! 

Third: Stop, look in the mirror. Look straight, then lift your eyebrows. When you lift your eyebrows, something happens to your eyes! You are talking with your eyes when you lift your eyebrows. Lifting your eyebrows may not seem natural at first, but continue to practice in the mirror. Then, practice with a friend. Before you know it, your eyes will be communicating along with what you are saying!

In conclusion, your eyes are important because you are SHOWING the world what you are feeling and thinking. Your body is "talking" (communicating) without you saying one single word. Yikes!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Body-Language-Secret---Your-Eyes!&id=9356337

The "Big Four" in Reading Body Language

In learning to read body language, it helps to know the Big Four, that is, four major categories of movements. Each one gives you some information about a person's emotion and intent.

The Big Four in body language are:

1. Illustrators

2. Regulators

3. Barriers

4. Adaptors

Illustrators punctuate what you're saying so they could be intentional or unintentional. You may automatically use your arms, torso, head, legs, and everything else to accent what you're saying. Sure, sometimes you might rehearse your movements if you're giving a presentation at a meeting, but in normal conversation, you don't deliberately choose every move you make. Everyone has a baseline style of using illustrators. When you deviate from that, it's a signal that there's a shift in the intensity of your emotions.

Regulators are movements and sounds to control another person's speech. Again, they could be intentional or unintentional. The postures and movements associated with active listening encourage the other person to keep talking. In contrast, when you clamp your lips while someone is talking, you are sending the signal that you don't want to hear any more or you don't want to hear more of the same. When you turn away slightly, it's the same kind of signal.

Barriers can help you establish personal space. They can be a body part, like an arm or a shoulder-the proverbial "cold shoulder"-or an object like a cell phone or table. They can make you look weak and afraid-like you have to hide behind something in order to have a conversation. On the flip side, when you sit behind your big desk and the person you're talking with is sitting on the other side of it, that barrier conveys the sense that you have a lot of personal real estate.

Adaptors are nervous movements that are self-soothing in nature. They might be grooming gestures, like brushing a piece of lint off your jacket even though there may be no lint there, or straightening a tie, or playing with your earrings or hair. They could be rubbing two fingers together. The use of adaptors is one of the clues of possible deception. Most people are not skilled at any level of deception, whether it's omitting a fact, distorting a fact, or embellishing a fact. Engaging in deception, even if it's minor, will probably cause some stress and that stress will leak out in the form of an adaptor.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Big-Four-in-Reading-Body-Language&id=9405113

How to Overcome Impatience Linked to Stress and Nervous Disorders

One can tell at a glance how people are inside. Body language and appearances are marks of our character and personality while the external colour of our moods show up as beacons. The light in someone's eyes and the pursing of the lips are indicators of stress, low self-esteem, and even of hate and other things. We can't hide who and what we are and we give out both signals and a smell when we are at odds with the world.

Animals pick up on these things much faster than humans and dogs can instantly recognise friend from foe simply by these external signs. People, however, are also able to discern it even though most will not understand why.

That is the case when one meets another for the first time and the 'chemistry' determines whether one should like them or avoid contact from then on. This is something that might also tell you more about yourself than you are prepared to understand. It is my strong opinion that you see in others what is really in yourself.

If someone impresses you with what you don't like, then look within to see if that is a trait in your own character. The chances are you will find the same thing in yourself and when you work on it the person who reminded you of it will be better understood and appreciated.

Working on one's character in this way improves the charisma and overcomes nervous conditions related to stress and impatience. We all have a degree of intolerance to waiting for things and we tend to have a reaction when something goes wrong or we have an accident. The best way to get over these things is to turn your mind to something happy and the waiting time will be shorter.

Impatience is linked to stress and nervous disorders but it is something we can put right on our own with the correct approach. It just involves some self-discipline and training of the brain to see things in a better light, unless there is a stronger underlying cause.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Overcome-Impatience-Linked-to-Stress-and-Nervous-Disorders&id=9439981

Tips for Good Body Language

Body language is something that is conveyed through gestures instead of verbal communication. In today's busy world people find it easy to express their feeling through gestures than speaking. We use body languages in our day to day life while interacting with others for expressing our views. It enables one to read another person's emotions and feelings accurately and is also the best way to pass the confidential information.

Being a leader is essential in every part of our life. If you want to become a good leader first you need to develop leadership qualities. Some people will have inborn qualities of a good leader but many has the desire to become a good leader. Today's children are tomorrow's leaders so leadership qualities have to be developed from childhood. You might have seen children who take leadership in games that they play and in classroom activities. Parents and teachers should analyze them and support them in their path.

Now let's know who are good leaders and the things to develop leadership qualities:

Good Leaders:

One who commands alone cannot become a good leader. You might have heard a saying by John C Maxwell, "A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way." Leaders have to know the path that they have to go, move towards the same and guide the team to move forward. They will share their experiences and help their followers to avoid the mistakes and problems that they faced in their journey. Positive and inspiring leaders who empower and develop followers are termed as good leaders. Great leaders are courageous and they never give up.

Just by observing one's body language we can realize what he is thinking or wants to say. Body language includes all gestures like eye movement, facial expressions and other signals for conveying message. When we pass the information with gesture it will have more impact than the normal discussion. It plays vital role in communicating with people and help us to evaluate their expression on our speech.

Pleasant face, eye contact, confident attitude are considered as some positive signs. Each and every movement convey message, so we have to be very careful with our movements. We can judge people based on their body language. Aggressive people give aggressive gestures, stare, show over firmness whereas nervous people bite their nail, no confidence and avoid eye contact.

When the person is interested then they will be very active, listen, have eye contact and if the person is not interested then their activities will be like looking around the room, watch time, yawn and disturb others. Thus, one must know and develop knowledge on the above said aspects for getting good impression and in many ways it helps you to succeed in your personal and professional life.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Tips-for-Good-Body-Language&id=9371307

The "Big Four" in Reading Body Language

In learning to read body language, it helps to know the Big Four, that is, four major categories of movements. Each one gives you some information about a person's emotion and intent.

The Big Four in body language are:

1. Illustrators 

2. Regulators 

3. Barriers 

4. Adaptors

Illustrators punctuate what you're saying so they could be intentional or unintentional. You may automatically use your arms, torso, head, legs, and everything else to accent what you're saying. Sure, sometimes you might rehearse your movements if you're giving a presentation at a meeting, but in normal conversation, you don't deliberately choose every move you make. Everyone has a baseline style of using illustrators. When you deviate from that, it's a signal that there's a shift in the intensity of your emotions.

Regulators are movements and sounds to control another person's speech. Again, they could be intentional or unintentional. The postures and movements associated with active listening encourage the other person to keep talking. In contrast, when you clamp your lips while someone is talking, you are sending the signal that you don't want to hear any more or you don't want to hear more of the same. When you turn away slightly, it's the same kind of signal.

Barriers can help you establish personal space. They can be a body part, like an arm or a shoulder-the proverbial "cold shoulder"-or an object like a cell phone or table. They can make you look weak and afraid-like you have to hide behind something in order to have a conversation. On the flip side, when you sit behind your big desk and the person you're talking with is sitting on the other side of it, that barrier conveys the sense that you have a lot of personal real estate.

Adaptors are nervous movements that are self-soothing in nature. They might be grooming gestures, like brushing a piece of lint off your jacket even though there may be no lint there, or straightening a tie, or playing with your earrings or hair. They could be rubbing two fingers together. The use of adaptors is one of the clues of possible deception. Most people are not skilled at any level of deception, whether it's omitting a fact, distorting a fact, or embellishing a fact. Engaging in deception, even if it's minor, will probably cause some stress and that stress will leak out in the form of an adaptor.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Big-Four-in-Reading-Body-Language&id=9405113