3 Things We Cannot Change In Life And How To Deal With Them

 

An Inconvenience Or A Real Problem?

There are many things in life we cannot change or control, which can be seen as a problem or an opportunity. We've seen this recently with the Coronavirus pandemic that showed how powerless we are. At the time of writing this, many countries throughout Europe and India are facing difficulties, with a growing number of cases and deaths. I don't wish to emphasise the problems in the world but help you make sense of them. Change weaves itself throughout life, and sometimes it can improve our life or disrupt it. I'm certain you've experienced changes throughout your life to know how unsettling it can be.

But how do we deal with situations we cannot change? It lies in our ability to adapt to it rather than control conditions. For example, if you've been laid off work because of the pandemic, you might be upset and angry. You have every right to feel this way, and you mustn't deny your emotions. But if we think on a larger scale, losing one's job is a minor trouble compared to someone losing a loved one due to Covid-19.

By reassessing our situation, we can zoom out of our life and understand that whilst our situation is difficult, it is not the end of the world. We may decide to upskill through further education and find work in other areas. But losing a loved one to an illness is tragic and there is nothing we can do. So, when we think we cannot change a situation, we ought to ask ourselves whether it is an inconvenience or a real problem? This helps us gain perspective, knowing there are others in the world experiencing more difficulties. With this in mind, here are three things we cannot change in life but deal with more effectively.

Change Your Perspective

1.  How Other People Treat You

We cannot control how other people treat us, and sometimes bad things happen to good people. If we judge life based on whether it is fair or unfair, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Life is doing its job of expanding, based on universal laws and principles. If others treat us unfairly, it is an opportunity to look within ourselves and change our response. In this context, response means whether we feel victimised or whether we use the experience to become more resilient.

It's a given, people will mistreat us intentionally or sometimes unintentionally. It is my professional experience that how a person treats you is not indicative of you, but what is going on inside of them. You've probably heard the saying: "hurt people, hurt people?" Meaning those who are wounded or suffer trauma cast their wounds onto others because of the pain associated in dealing with it.

If a person treats you unfairly, they are likely suffering a deep pain themselves. So how do you deal with people like this? It involves knowing your true worth and standing in your own power. It means recognising the other person's motives and to the degree you are ready and willing, forgive them for their wrongs. Similarly, it helps to set up boundaries and distance yourself from them, if you can. Is this something you're willing to try? Yes, I agree it is difficult but you're not doing it for them but to ease your pain and suffering, which is more important.

2.  Sometimes, Things Go Wrong

Sometimes, life takes an unexpected turn when we least expect it. People let us down. We lose possessions or people of importance to us. Our lives change suddenly, and we experience frustration, anger, and disappointment. It's natural to feel this way, but when things go wrong, rather than follow your problems, try to look for a solution. If we focus on our problems, they become expanded in our consciousness and we cannot find a solution. This is what Albert Einstein meant when he said: "We cannot solve a problem with the same level of thinking that created it in the first instance." Our problems cannot be solved with the same mind that created them.

So, when things go wrong, avoid dwelling on your problems, but change your perspective and look for the opportunity contained within it. For example, I'm re-reading a wonderful book called: The Art of Learning by the American chess champion, Josh Waitzkin. In one chapter, he tells a story of when he was playing international chess against the Russians. They would repeatedly disrupt his concentration during matches, such as kicking him under the table, making noises or leaving the playing table unexpectedly. Eventually, he learned to harness the distractions and improve his resiliency and become an unstoppable champion. It's about using your problems to your advantage, instead of getting swept up by them.

3.  Life Is Not Personal But Predictable

I've written in earlier articles that life is not personal but predictable. It doesn't have an agenda to hurt anyone because life is not separate from us. We are the embodiment of life and when we understand this, we gain the power to improve our circumstances. Life is predictable to the degree that our experiences hold pivotal lessons for our growth. Things will happen that you did not expect or cannot control. Naturally, you will get upset, angry and feel powerless. But this is when your unseen power emerges to respond to what is taking place. It is your response that determines whether you suffer or change your perspective.

No one wants to suffer because pain is difficult. Therefore, we have choices, and sometimes they aren't necessarily obvious. Naturally, we want to remove the problem causing us pain, but it may not always be possible. The only thing we can control is our attitude and our response. So, when difficulties show up and you cannot control or change it, see if you can change your perspective. It won't be easy and will require exploring deep within you to change your perspective. It will require stepping out of your comfort to change how you respond to what is taking place.

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How "Taking Life Personally" Causes Pain & Error

Life is a holistic, universal thing that's all positive and all harmonious. Whenever it seems not to be, it's not the fault of life, it's the fault of your state of mind or perspective.

When your perspective is personal - one-sided instead of all-sided, you're then out of tune or sync with the flow of life. As a consequence, everything in life will tend to be a little more difficult, error-filled and stressful for you, and will remain so for as long as you hold onto this perspective.

All negative feelings come from the personality - which is not really real, rather than from your higher, aware self, which is really real. The negative feeling is real in the sense that we really do feel the pain, but not real in that the pain is not caused or based on something real. It's like seeing a tree branch and thinking it's a snake and having a heart attack over it.

THE SOLUTION

If you step on a nail, the pain is real and the cause of the pain - the nail, is real. So you either have to get rid of the nail or get rid of the foot. So you wisely choose to get rid of the nail. You do this by just separating the nail from your foot. If the cause or your pain is the unreal personality - which it is, then the solution is to separate your awareness - your real self, from the personality, the personality's pain. The ego's pain.

In other words, negativity of any nature is all in the mind, so the solution is to get a little distance from that thinking, feeling mind. Detached awareness, then, is the healing factor. The clarity or reality factor.

Anger, resentment, impatience, loneliness, boredom, sadness, etc., are of the personality or ego - which is not who we really, really are. Who we really, really are is the pure awareness above those egotistical, personal feelings. The pure awareness is above what we're thinking, feeling and doing in every present moment.

The real "I" is happy, joyous and free! "Happiness" can be real or personal. If it's an emotion, it's personal; if it's from your pure awareness, it's real or spiritual. We say awareness is "spiritual" because it's above the senses. Above the personal faculties of thinking, feeling, seeing, hearing, etc. Pure awareness is and reveals true happiness because true happiness is our real, essential nature. Who and how we really, really are.

CONCLUSION

You control or reverse any negative thought or feeling by detaching from it. Getting some distance from it. Some objectivity. Some stepping back. Some pausing. It's separating the nail from the foot. You're pulling your awareness of the thing back from being entangled in it. You're not repressing the emotion; you're getting above it. Being "above it all" is the secret to being healthy, happy, intelligent and free. Being "caught up in it all" is the secret of pain, limitation and error. Detached awareness, in and of itself, is the healing factor. The universal antidote to all negativity. It's amazing!

https://ezinearticles.com/?How-Taking-Life-Personally-Causes-Pain-and-Error&id=10250486

Why Agree To Disagree Doesn't Work

Visualize Your Way to Success

For some, the idea of visualizing their way to success sounds mystical and maybe somewhat unrealistic. But it's really quite simple. All you need is some reflective quiet time and the urge to imagine and focus. If you are interested in putting this into practice, then here are some pointers.

1. Peace and quiet

The first step to visualizing your way to success is to get some peace and quiet. Don't we all let our mind wander in particular situations when we are alone and only have our thoughts as company. The best example of this is maybe before we go to sleep at night and imagine ways where our life can be improved. What better time is there to really visualize the success that we crave than at this most peaceful time when you are not distracted or needed.

2. Determine your goals

Be specific - "more money" is too broad. Maybe it's an extra £100 a month or the equivalent currency in your particular country, being debt free, or spending a lot more quality time with your significant other or kids. Start small with manageable goals and increase them gradually, but always push yourself in order to feel you are raising your own particular bar.

3. Imagine

Be specific and detailed here, too. Imagine exactly what it would be like to reach your goals. Imagine having that extra time with your family - what would you do? Where would you go? Picture that specific place or event where you would plan the most wonderful time and not need worry about anything else.

If you want to be out of debt, imagine the freedom of knowing all that you own is yours to keep. Try to imagine what freedom that could give you. The opportunities that could lie ahead with that extra disposable income instead of having to give it to someone else every month.

4. See yourself

As you imagine these specific scenarios, try to see yourself from another point of view and not from your own eyes. See a different personality and one that has a totally different perspective to life and how it should be. Picture yourself being finally in charge of your own destiny, no one making the decisions for you, earning enough money to do and go anywhere as you please and spend time with your loved ones - whenever you like. Watch yourself do it and try to make it as vivid as possible.

5. Bring it home

Try to imagine these things happening on a specific time and date, not just anytime in the future. Picture it occurring and focus on steps to make it happen.

6. Energize it

As you visualize reaching your goals and determining your success, try putting energy into the picture. Make it truly real.

7. Accept the vision

Sometimes, you can go through all of the above and still be thinking "it can't happen for me." That means this next step is especially important - accept the vision as something real, and possible. Embrace it and own it.

Visualization is a lot about building confidence. It's also about tapping into the brain's ability to heighten your awareness to the realisation of opportunities that do exist once you tap into the power within your own mind and once focused, you may be more likely to see the opportunities that come your way.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Visualize-Your-Way-to-Success&id=9628251

Acting And Speaking In A Reasonable Way

A reasonable person is someone who is appropriately informed, capable, aware of the law, and fair-minded. Such type might do something extraordinary in certain circumstances without feeling haughty of his/her achievements. Whatever that person does or thinks is always fair. His/her mindset is not only focus to himself/herself but for the benefit of everybody.

And because no person is perfect, a reasonable person knows how to accept his/her limitations depending upon the degree or extent of a person's professionalism. However, some professions may maintain a practice long after a better method is available. The new practices, though less risky, may be entirely ignored. In such cases, the practitioner may very well have acted unreasonably despite following customary practices.

Walking in someone else's shoes helps us make better and fair decisions in life. By removing our own personal interests, we can offer a sound, wise, and well-reasoned advice to ourselves that we would normally give to others. One's ability to reason wisely about personal problems is not an inherent trait. It is the situation itself and the perspective we take that dramatically affects how we react about the problems in our lives.

So before we let our emotions run wild, consider putting ourselves in someone else's shoes and think about how we could advise someone else to handle the same situation. In one way or another, it can offer some perspective to help us have the same good advice we would give to someone else. And that's better for everyone like not jumping in with problem-solving too quickly, not demanding rationality all the time, validating and respecting feelings, exploring a range of feelings and giving time for your partner to express himself or herself.

Many women suffered the blame when something wrong happens in a relationship. But in reality, neither men nor women are to blame - but sometimes some men may have certain attitudes about communication and emotion that may get in the way. Without open communication, the problem becomes worse and eventually will lead to broken marriages or even in relationships which should not be.

Life is too beautiful to make it complicated. We do not have to cheat others to get to the top. We can be successful if we just know how to communicate and listen to others and be objective in everything we say or do.

Thus, to be reasonable, we need to be fair and sensible.

Thus, we need to be reasonable in every action we do and word we say.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Acting-And-Speaking-In-A-Reasonable-Way&id=9845236

Recess and Detention

A series of recess and detention.

That is what every single day of school felt like for me. That is not to say that I had detention very often, but everything outside of recess felt like detention. I felt totally trapped inside a learning environment. The time just dragged by so slowly. I can remember being so bored that it physically hurt.

The good news is that I loved recess so much that it all seemed pretty tolerable. I frigging love recess. When I am in my environment, there are minimal rules in place, and no one to tell me what to do, I am free. I love freedom. I love having time to do whatever it is that I want to do. I love the task of taking what I have to do, and turning them into something I enjoy doing. Perspective is the single most important thing in my life. If my perspective is off, everything falls right in line with it.

I have a tendency to get over excited. Over-stimulated. I have been known to get so excited that I throw up. I get so overwhelmed with excitement that my body feels the need to extract some of it, in the form vomit, I guess. It's pretty messed up (but so am I). It makes sense, really. Anyways...

I'm forty years old now, and no longer a child. There is no more grade school. No more detention. No more recess. At least not from the administrative standpoint, there is not.

I am responsible for my own recess, as well as my own detention. No one else determines this. Throughout every moment of every day, I can label whatever it is that I am doing as recess or detention. I do not have that "in-between" function. Either I am really, really doing what I want and enjoy, or am an absolute prisoner of life, who is completely miserable in every kind of way.

I have not lost my child-like excitement, any more than I have matured past feeling like an environment of learning is a torture chamber. I still experience the extremism in all of my emotions. I still dry heave when the threshold of excitement is crossed (calm down, dude).

The only difference today?

I love it.

I love the options I have in freedom and captivity. I love the knowledge that I am not a victim. I enjoy the awareness that comes from the realization that recess or detention is a mindset that I control. To be energetic, easily amazed, and optimistic is a skill which can be practiced. Life is a state of mind which is determined by our attitudes.

The dull and boring lead lives that are dull and boring. The snobbish and unimpressed lead unimpressive lives, and remain in the uncomfortable state of secret admiration and disdain towards others. The apathetic and lazy lead lives that mirror such the same. But what about the energetic?

What kind of lives do the energetic people live?

The optimistic?

The easily-impressed?

What is out there for the person who seeks opportunity and appreciates the hardships that are necessary for success?

I don't think I have the answer to that. I don't think that a forty year old man who still dry heaves every time he gets excited is supposed to have the answers to much of anything.

I will tell you what I do know. If you feel like you are stuck in a perpetual state of detention and there is no recess, there are ways out of that. Getting stuck in a rut is part of life. Staying in a rut is playing the role of a victim, and nobody buys the sob story.

If you want a fascinating life, find the fascination in the life you lead.

Recess today. All day.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Recess-and-Detention&id=9617301

Truthlessness Versus Truthfulness

These are two wonderful words that produce an amazing juxtaposition of terms, definitions, and intent in living and in life. Truthlessness embodies lies and deceit, fooling others while sometimes tricking yourself into believing that the tangled web you have created has shreds and evidence of honesty and integrity. Young children often tell lies to save themselves trouble and punishment. It is difficult to be honest when a swat or a grounding will result and dishonesty will permit a handy escape. But hopefully as the child grows and experiences more of live, s/he will realize that while a lie may be followed by a penalty it is still the best method, the wisest choice in the long run. The truth is a multi-faceted charm.

Truthfulness on the other hand embodies truth and candor, openness that is direct and reliable, built on faithfulness and dedication to others and/or the common good. When someone is truthful s/he still possesses desires and wishes but is also able to look at a situation or problem from many angles to discover the answer that best serves all concerned. While sometimes the truth may hurt, like when you are denied a promotion or do not receive a promised bonus, there is an opportunity to learn as well. This learning may be positive as in, "She worked harder and had more clever ideas than I did and so she deserved this promotion. Because of this I will work to become more productive and far-sighted by... " Or the learning may be negative, "The boss loves him and so I never really had a chance. I just think I will fume and stew for a while. I'll show that ol' boss... "

Either response is possible and I suppose the degree of truthlessness or truthfulness varies in every situation and perspective. So I guess it is essential to examine situations through a multitude or at least a couple of lenses - yours, that of your strongest opponent, and perhaps a mid-stream opinion. After all, everyone has lived different experiences and has thus developed different ways of thinking, responding, and doing.

How does one move to total truthfulness, especially with extensive experience in truthlessness? Some children, for example, are raised in lies. Parents lie to the boss or to child welfare or to food stamp providers and so the kids think this is just the way to live. Mom begs on the street and "earns" hundreds of dollars a day so it must be an honorable and honest profession. How does an outsider explain and exemplify how truthfulness is far more beneficial and rewarding? The best a leader can do, I guess, is lead but a truthful example and demand that of all employees and others with whom s/he works and interacts does so as well.

Maybe that is the only way to guide to truthfulness, one leader/parent/director/teacher at a time living in honesty and integrity, admitting strengths and recognizing and working on changing weaknesses. Imagine a world of total truth. Tough skin would be an initial requirement because the truth can be spikey and pokey, painful and nightmarish. But then once you knew with total belief that only sincerity and uprightness exist and there is no need of fear because there is no danger, just authenticity, wow! What a safe and creatively exciting world would appear.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Truthlessness-Versus-Truthfulness&id=8999177

Message From the Universe: Be Open Minded!

"Sometimes, finally seeing things from someone else's perspective can totally change your life.

Which, sometimes, explains exactly why they're there.

Spooké,

The Universe"

We can't always be set in our ways, all of the time. We get sometimes stuck on a process and find it difficult to get out of it. Since we've been working on this problem for a while, we seem to not see the solution that might be right in front of us. We get consumed by the issue and are not looking at the right places. It is important to allow someone else that is not involved in your venture to look at the issue with a fresh pair of eyes, which is return, can allow them to find a solution, yet, very obvious to you, but hard to see. Because of our implication on the project, obvious solutions aren't that easy to find, especially when we are not looking at the right places. Let the right people offer a hand and you might be surprised on how quick they can resolve your existing issue. Their aptitude is not always a requirement to find a specific kind of solution, because common sense gets involved in the process, regardless of the amount of knowledge you may have on the subject at hand.

When involving others, especially mentors, you may have a fresh perspective on what alternative plan could be available to resolve the existing issue. Being open minded to allowing others to help you find the solution doesn't show a sign of weakness or stupidity, but provides you with a better insights as to what can be the best probable solution to your existing challenge. Admitting your limitations is a sign of respect to yourself, that it is OK not to know EVERYTHING. You are allowed to be weak in certain areas of your life, and this is why others are around you to help you get past these problematic scenarios. You are not the ONLY human on Earth with weaknesses and always remember to avoid, at all costs, to compare these weaknesses with someone else's strength. Nothing good will ever come out of it.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Be-Open-Minded!&id=9499138

What You Get By Achieving Your Goals Is Not As Important As What You Become

We all have a passion. So, find something you really enjoy doing, no matter how small. For me, it is a few things. I enjoy writing and I find pleasure in reading or playing computer games with my kids a couple of nights a week. This allows to refresh and relax my mind even during the most stressful of days.

Stress will build and build once all you think is WORK. When swamped with work, family life, etc. we often forget about ourselves. What I mean by this is to find a few hours off and do something you like to do. For example, I enjoyed a nice trip to the highlands and enjoy nature. Just spending some quality time with myself makes all the difference.

In other words, it means that you have many blessings in your life whether you see them or not. It is important to recognize what you have, and take joy in it. I may work a lot of hours and get stressed beyond belief sometimes, but then by simply taking a look with my kids playing and smiling, I get satisfied. My efforts are all worth it. In fact, it is all a matter of perspective and choosing what to focus on. Just remember, enjoy what you do, and enjoy who you are more.

The true purpose of a goal is to help you grow. Everything in your life becomes better when you grow. A real goal are a few things you never did before. A goal are a few things that may scare you and excite you at the same time. In short, after you set your goal, you do not have to be shrewd to succeed in it. Do not even rely on that. Solely rely on one thing that you simply want. What you get may be a bonus from your hard work and effort. Growth may be a natural a part of life. That's why it's necessary to hunt ways to grow.Goal setting allows you to grasp and to head in the right direction with life.

Make your goal bigger than before and set a time frame to achieve it. After you reach your goal you recognize that you also become a better version of you.Everything in your life can improve. Just make sure you have a goal. Decide what you want, how to measure it and when you want it. Then, focus on the things that will take you in the direction of your goal. Lastly, don't spend any time thinking of why you can't. Only think of how you can.

To accomplish your goals focus in the process of achieving them rather than the prize. It is very important to set your goals and work towards accomplishing them. You cannot quantify the prize you get for fulfilling your goals apart from how they make you feel. Are you satisfied with the outcome of your efforts?

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Believe You Are Creative?

"Creativity is as much about the ability to come up with ideas as it is about the courage to act on those ideas. He calls it creative confidence." - Tom Kelley

Do you consider yourself creative? Many people do not consider themselves as being creative. Typically, you hear "I'm just not creative," or "I can't do that", or "I'm not good enough to do anything like that."

Believing you are creative begin with you being a leader to take charge of your creativity. This is where you begin showing others that you can be creative and be a leader in generating and creating business breakthrough results.

The problem lies somewhere in your past where you were creative at one time, and then because some told you, "That does look anything like what you said", you took it personally and stopped being creative. Gordon McKenzie, a former Hallmark Creative Director, went to each grade in schools and noticed the wonderful art work. He asked the magic question to "How many artists are there in the room." "Please raise your hands."

The responses were very telling. In kindergarten and first grade class rooms, every student threw their hand up in the air. In kindergarten, everybody was an artist, two-handed artists: "Me! Me! Me! I'm an artist!"

In second grade classrooms, about three-fourths raised their hands in response. In third grade, only a few students help up their hands, some very timidly. So it went each grade a little worse than the one before it until he finally reached sixth grade. In response to Gordon's question, most students looked around to see if anyone would admit to being an artist, as if such an admission was a violation of group norms.

In the span of Kindergarten to sixth grade, students had un-learned their naturally tendency to be an "artist." Why?

The question to you right now is, Are You Creative? In reality, everyone is creative in one way or another. Because you have not been creative or don't think of yourself as being creative, let's think for a few minutes.

At home when situations take place, how do you handle them? If you think first about what to do, you are being creative. When problems, challenges and difficulties take place in the workplace, do you react with "Who knows how to solve this?" Or do you think first before reacting or responding. By giving up, you let others know you are not creative.

Instead, most likely you think about how to deal with the situation the best way you know how. Sometimes this is the creative way to actually solve the situation. If you don't use your creative muscles, your creativity will not be there when you need it most.

"Creativity is contingent on willingness to be judged. At some point, many people lose that." - Tom Kelley

Making Mistakes - If you work for a creative and innovative organization, it's okay to make mistakes. As long as you learn from your mistakes and don't make the same mistakes again, you are fine.

Be Curious about Everything. Essentially be aware of the things around you. What triggers an idea for you to work on?

Start looking at things from a different perspective. This view may give you an idea to work on something you wanted to do. It may even if it takes you to do something different without feeling uncomfortable. For example, go to your favorite restaurant and order something different from the menu, or go to a different restaurant. Take a different route to get to work.

"What is the biggest obstacle to creativity? Attachment to outcome. As soon as you become attached to a specific outcome, you feel compelled to control and manipulate what you're doing and in the process you shut yourself off to other possibilities. Creativity is not just about succeeding. It's about experimenting and discovering."

• Gordon McKenzie

Believe you are creative. Studies show we're all capable of creative genius, you just need to recognize - and hone in on your abilities. Your leadership skills and talent is demonstrated as you use your creative skills and talent to become the "Go-to-Person" in your organization.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Believe-You-Are-Creative?&id=9220940

The Negative People Around Us: A Perspective

Is it true that how people treat us is the single biggest determinant of our happiness? Well, it's due to the fact that our happiness depends most on the standard of our relationships as a result of being social creatures. We care too much what would other people think of us,which should not be the case because in the first place our life is what we make it.

Our social nature is additionally the explanation why being stupid is one amongst the foremost cherished experiences and why isolation-the extreme sort of that is solitary confinement-is rated, by those that were unfortunate to endure it, one amongst life's most hard experiences.

Negative people bring our mood down with their pessimism, anxiety, and general sense of distrust. Imagine being perpetually discouraged from following your dreams as a result. Constant exposure to such negativity will create deep inroads into your positivism, leading you to either become negative-diffident, anxious, and distrustful-yourself, or to become indifferent, uncaring, or perhaps mean towards the negative person.

However, we can deal with them by steering away from them. This is often easier said than done. Another sensible approach to managing them is to start out by understanding the explanations for his or her negativity. In brief, the majority negativity has its roots such as the fear of being disrespected by others, the worry of not being wanted by others, and therefore the worry that "bad things" are progressing to happen. These fears feed off one another to fuel the idea that "the world could be a dangerous place and folks are usually mean."

It is straightforward to examine however, from the attitude of somebody operational from such fears, it is smart to question the knowledge of following dreams (failure appears most guaranteed), and to be taking risks notwithstanding it's obvious that doing thus is critical to find out and grow.

Negative individuals are often real downers in any oral communication. despite what we say, they need some way of spinning things in an exceedingly negative direction. Some negative individuals are often therefore negative that it feels debilitating simply being around them. The discussion can simply swirl into additional negativity, and you pull yourself down within the method. you'll be able to provide constructive comments, and if the person rebutts with no signs of backing down, stop interacting.

Whether the person is negative or not, it is the product of our lens. What's important is we take responsibility for our actions.

Learn to see the goodness of a person than the negative. It may be tough, but once you develop are used to being optimistic, it becomes habit.

https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Negative-People-Around-Us:-A-Perspective&id=9993965

The Importance of Having a Good Perspective on Life

How many times have we had an opinion on something, been convinced that we were right, only to have someone else turn up with previously unconsidered information or introduce a different viewpoint, thus prompting a whole new way of thinking? Being ready to listen to another perspective is important. It keeps our minds flexible and adaptable and is an important part of staying youthful and tolerant of what else is happening in the world.

When we share how we feel about something and discuss our approach we're expanding all our minds. We're giving an indication of how our thinking works, our perspective on life. Some people's automatic default is negative. They're convinced that things are bound to go wrong, seem to always anticipate the worst. Others think differently and are more positive and optimistic. Our outlook pre-determines how much we let external factors influence us. That's why having a good perspective is so important.

- If we regard something as scary then we're bound to behave in a more measured, cautious, apprehensive way. Feeling nervous or afraid can deter us from trying too hard. We protect ourselves by not stepping too far from our safe place. Yet we could instead treat setbacks as minor hurdles or learning points, which will often result in us hardly noticing them. We won't think twice as our concentration flows into looking for options or solutions in order to keep going.

When we feel confident and hopeful about a situation we're more relaxed and focussed on a positive outcome. There's a saying that if you expect something to be good or bad, hard or easy, guess what - you're right! We set in place a framework based on how we see things working out.

- Our mindset automatically seeps into our approach to life and influences how we handle relationships, what we expect from people, what we anticipate happening. That mindset then impacts on how others treat us. Eleanor Roosevelt reportedly said, 'we teach people how to treat us'. Our expectations can alter the dynamics of a relationship. A winning philosophy generates the best chance of a good experience.

- If we're feeling happy or sad, that too can colour our interpretation of a situation. For example, seeing several people we know chatting and laughing can be viewed in two completely different ways, dependent on how we're feeling at the time. On a bad day we may be sensitive and feel uneasy, convinced that they're talking and laughing about us. We may already be feeling embarrassed, unhappy and witnessing their laughter reinforces our already fragile mindset.

On a good day we may not even notice those people, or we may simply think that they're having a pleasant time. Our perspective is influenced by our personal circumstances and inner dialogue. It affects how we interpret their behaviour. The right perspective makes all the difference and is a huge factor in how we then choose to respond.

- Taking time to ask questions, being genuinely interested in the answers and caring enough to try to understand what's being said is also relevant in supporting us having a good perspective. Knowledge, interest, information and genuine discussion gives us a forum in which to explore other viewpoints and opinions. Mental growth occurs grow when we're happy to respectfully question and understand other peoples' attitudes, ideas and views. Patience and tolerance are part of this approach.

- Our background, parents and schooling, how we've been raised, all have a massive bearing on our perspective on life. We may have clear views, for example, on the role of men and women, what constitutes a good marriage, the importance of looks and material possessions. We may feel incredulous that other people have different viewpoints, that the things that matter to us are of little significance to them. Understanding or at least being able to respect and defend their right to their opinions is an important part of forming successful adult relationships.

- Communication should be a two-way activity and sharing our opinions helps us negotiate ways to comfortably live together, helps others understand where we're coming from, why we feel the way we do and then perhaps be able to refine our perspectives. Just as we may feel strongly about how other people should behave, so others may also hold their own definite views, views that are diametrically opposed to ours.

And they will, no doubt, have valid, justifiable reasons for having those views. Sharing and learning about their reasoning may enable us to moderate or modify our perspective and help us become more tolerant and flexible. Listening provides an opportunity for reflection and then to evolve with each other.

Having the right perspective on life helps us improve our outlook, have a more vibrant, upbeat approach to life and oil the wheels of our interactions with others. Everyone benefits when we have a good, open-minded perspective on life.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Importance-of-Having-a-Good-Perspective-on-Life&id=6465821

How To Have The Mindset For Success

Learning how to have the mindset for success is crucial when you want a successful and blissful life. If you are like me, you might have many goals you want to achieve. Whatever these goals are, the key is to have a growth mindset rather than a fixed one. But what is the difference and how you get it?

How can you set and have the mindset for success? Do you want to reach your goals more rapidly? In how many years did you plan to achieve your goals?

Many people, as well as I, preach hard work, focus, persistence and more but these are by-products of something else. It is something much more powerful than we can all develop. This extraordinary thing is critical to success, and it is your mindset.

Without the right mindset, you might find yourself sidetracked by your everyday routine. You can also often be distracted by the latest and most fabulous idea you are just having, which rarely pushes you to follow one path until successful.

You may think that you have all the time in the world to achieve your goals. But you have to realize that if you set your mindset for success, you can apply it to other domains as well. In this way, you will reach your goals much faster and find yourself with the capacity to possibly form new and bigger goals.

The Trap of the Mindset

It is always better to fail many times before succeeding as it will help you avoid many of the psychological traps. One of the key traps is to believe that you are smarter than other people, or that you do not have to work hard because you have talent, or that you have nothing to learn.

To have the right mindset to be successful in life, you do not need to have extraordinary intelligence or be gifted with talents.

"The moment you believe that success is determined by an ingrained level of ability, you will brittle in the face of adversity." - Josh W., International Chess champion.

So, as soon as you think success is determined by talent, you become weak when you have to face obstacles.

The Difference between a Fixed and Growth Mindset

So as soon as people see intelligence or abilities as fixed, they believe that many things are impossible for them to achieve because they put limits on themselves and their skills. And that is what is called a fixed mindset.

But other persons see abilities as qualities that can be developed which is, in this case, called a growth mindset. The important part is that those two different frames of mind lead to not the same behaviors and results.

When you have a growth mindset, you know you can change your intelligence, and increase your aptitudes and skills over time. But people with a fixed mindset do not think it is possible. So, the difference between the two groups is the perspective on intellect and brainpower.

The Possibility of a Different Mindset

Many studies have shown similar effects for the mindset about any ability such as problem-solving, playing sports, managing people or anything else you would like. The key to success is not merely effort, focus or resilience, but it is the growth mindset that creates them.

Your mindset is critical. When you directly are trying to build determination or persistence, it is not nearly as effective as if as addressing the mind frame that underlies these traits. How many people think of themselves as not creative people, or sociable, or math oriented, or even athletic?

On the other hand, some people may think that they are naturals. But if you want to fulfill your full potential, you need to start thinking differently. You have to realize that you not chained to your current capabilities and that you can modify your mindset.

A Mindset Can Be Changed

You should know that your brain is very malleable and has plasticity. You can change your ability to think and to perform. In fact, many of the accomplished people of our era were thought by experts to have no more future. People like Charles Darwin, Marcel Proust, and many others but they along with all high achievers such as Mozart to Einstein built their abilities.

But the vital thing here is to realize that you can change your ability and picture yourself where you want to be. When you have a growth mindset, you bring your game to new levels. So, how does a growth frame of mind do that?

Well, there are biological manifestations to mindset. Tests show that with people who have a fixed mindset, the brain becomes most active when they receive information about how they perform. Whereas people with a growth mindset, they have their mind being most active when they receive information about what they could do better next time.

The Choice of a Growth Mindset

In other words, people with a fixed frame of mind worry the most about how they are judged while those with a growth mindset focus the most on learning. There are other consequences about outlook. A fixed mind sees effort as a bad thing, something that only people with low capabilities need while those with a growth approach see effort as what makes them smart and as a way to grow.

And when they hit a setback or failure, people with a fixed mindset tend to conclude that they are incapable, so to protect their ego, they lose interest or withdraw. It is often taken as a lack of motivation, but behind it is a fixed frame of mind.

Whereas, people with a growth frame of mind believe that setbacks are a part of personal development. They find a way around the problem. So it means that you have to challenge yourself. But it also says that you have to praise yourself for being great at something or being smart; so do not also forget to honor others and even children for the same things.

Mindset Affects Everything

Trying hard pushes you to work even harder next time you face a challenge. Do not get into the fixed mindset of thinking that when you win, you are a winner and when you lose, it must make you a loser. The reason being is that your mindset affects your performance.

Remember that you can change your mindset any time you wish. And that is important because many people have a fixed mind frame about something or another. When you teach or have a growth mindset, not only it improves you as an all, but it also narrows down the achievement gap.

Mindset affects all of us. In the workplace, managers and supervisors with a fixed mindset do not accept feedback as much, and they do not mentor people. A wrong or right frame of mind even touches relationships, sports, and health.

Why do schools not teach the growth mindset to children rather than being so critical?

Tips to Have the Mindset for Success

• Get a growth mindset.
• Develop Success Habits.
• Recognize that a growth mindset is beneficial.
• Know that your brain changes when you work hard to improve yourself.
• Make a small step toward each of your goals each day.
• Learn how to develop your abilities as well as teaching others.
• Capture all of the information that could help you.
• Do a deliberate daily practice to develop your abilities through effective effort.
• Listen to audio books or learn a new language on your phone while you are out for a walk rather than music.
• Clip articles and inspiring ideas for a vision board.
• Learn from your failures by asking yourself what you learned from the experience.
• Know your strengths and weaknesses.
• Develop core skills that will help you reach and achieve your goals.
• After experiencing a setback, do not dwell on it. Instead, make an evaluation, and move on to the next thing.

And so, learn that to have a right mindset will allow you to succeed beyond all your expectations. You have to learn to talk back with a growth mindset voice when you listen and hear your fixed mind frame. Therefore, when you hear it say "You can't," just add another word to it which is "Yet."

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Have-The-Mindset-For-Success&id=9807246

What's the Difference Between Little Minds and Great Minds?

"Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune; but great minds rise above them." Washington Irving

At first, it may appear that this is saying misfortune is a blessing in disguise. If you look closer, it seems this is saying that whatever occurs is in the eye of the beholder. What we call rising above may have everything to do with an individual's perspective.

In everyone's life, something occurs every second of the day. What you see as misfortune and what you see as a great opportunity may have more to do with how you view the world.

If you can understand that everything is an occurrence or something happening, you begin to get that what shows up is nothing, not misfortune or great. Therefore, it is what you say it is. Once you add your meaning to the occurring, the occurring is tainted by what you predetermine to be good or bad.

If, as a rule, you look for things to be wrong, eventually you will be tamed by your perspective alone. Why? You will always find misfortune, even when things are going well.

If you think I am exaggerating, look at your relationship with your significant other or with big opportunities. If you are unable to visualize either over a one-year period without predetermining something going wrong, you are the creator of your own misfortune.

At the same time, breakdowns or problems occur in life. Do you view them as opportunities to uncover what is missing? Or do you allow your mind to be subdued into giving up and saying 'it just wasn't meant to be'?

What some call misfortune opens the door for the possibility to uncover what's missing and allows one to be extraordinary. It is the opportunity to show your prowess, for the world to see what you are made of.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Whats-the-Difference-Between-Little-Minds-and-Great-Minds?&id=9462698

3 Keys in Being Able to Use the Power of the Mind

When we first get a sense that our minds can have a significant impact on our lives, it is hard to believe. We can get curious about it and read up on it, but there's nothing like seeing proof in our own lives. At that point, we can still be confused about this power which is why we need to learn how to put it into perspective.

First, we need to look for evidence to understand the power of the mind and by making connections with our own experiences. There is certainly a reason behind all this and it is fascinating to search for our own answers. Second, when we apply this principle, we can grow exponentially by changing what's in our minds versus exhausting ourselves at changing our environment. Third, because we live in a universe where everything is connected, there's a proper way to do this.

1. Put a certain section of your life under a scope and look for patterns

We are conditioned to see things happen in our lives at random. However, if we look for a relationship between our personal growth and our experiences, we will start to see an organized purpose. The next step will be to ask questions to why events happened the way they did. Or what if they happened differently?

It may not be obvious at first but as soon as we start asking these questions, we open our minds to get new answers. They will come through insights, not necessarily through the analytical process. It is really important to be patient with this.

What we are really looking for is how the events in our lives are aligned with our state of minds. How were our thoughts, our perspectives, our emotions, our feelings? Well, what we perceive is our minds but everything really is coming from our subconscious minds. Then we may wonder if all our events, if not our reality have been created by the state of our subconscious minds.

2. Instead of working hard to change your environment change your perspectives

Most of us are conditioned to work hard at making the best out of our lives. In doing so, we do our best in taking the necessary steps towards our goals through the time and energy we have available. But at some point, we may feel that there are limitations. No matter what we do, there are things outside our control that block us. Then we are also limited by the time and energy we have, we often wish we had more. There's a way of letting our lives work for us, versus working hard in our lives.

The entire purpose of working hard at achieving our goals is to learn our lessons. However, this is a much slower process than what is available. When we develop the ability to find meaning in our life events, we change our perspectives. Much has to do with changing our beliefs. Understanding this gives us the power to manifest things in our lives much more quickly. In the process, we get deeper in touch with how the universe responds to our subconscious minds. At this point, the real challenge is to get better in letting ourselves take responsibility for our beliefs.

We are conditioned to have pride in what we believe. Our beliefs may have served us during the times we created them, especially if they acted as defense mechanisms. But as our lives change, we can let them go. We mostly forget what they are, until we realize that our lives are a reflection of them. This also means our lives can become reflections of the new perspectives we work on attaining. From here, we get to see evidence that there is a law of attraction. It doesn't mean we have the free will to create whatever perspective we want to get what we think we want. There are universal laws at work.

3. If you want to manifest things, they have to be in alignment with your purpose

Once we learn about the power of changing our perspectives, we will be tempted to manipulate our thoughts to want to manifest new things into our lives. I say manipulate because we could be mistaking our thoughts for our perspectives. We have the free will to change our thoughts, but our perspectives change when we come to deeper understandings derived from our life experiences.

Much of the law of attraction movement was about getting what we wanted based on the thoughts we were putting out. If it worked and was that easy it would be like everyone winning the lottery. What does work is when we remind ourselves of what we really want deep inside. Achieving wealth could be one of our common desires. However, I understand now that there is much maturity that has to be learned first before we can manifest it. Maybe it's part of the divine plan because something needs to change on how we collectively view money. The current model is becoming less and less sustainable.

Manifesting becomes more frequent and powerful as we become more aligned with understanding what perspective we ultimately want to achieve. I would say what we want to achieve is more presence and living in the moment. When doing so we learn to become more in touch with our feelings which results in a much deeper experience of happiness. It also means living less in the ego, but using the ego as service versus it running the show. The reason it is important to see through ego manipulation is because it will take us away from where we ultimately want to be.

Developing an increasingly deeper understanding of the power of the mind can lead us to an incredible journey of self-discovery and happiness. Let's be honest, what we really desire in terms of financial success is financial freedom, not a bunch of material possessions. They are just benefits. The easiest way to get there is to change our perspectives through becoming the best version of ourselves.

http://ezinearticles.com/?3-Keys-in-Being-Able-to-Use-the-Power-of-the-Mind&id=9702495

How To Smash Through Writer's Block

Writer's block is a catch-all generic term for someone who has difficulty transferring his/her dazzling ideas from fountain pen to parchment, rhetorically speaking, each one equally as maddeningly frustrating as the other.

When you're on a roll, whenever you had a torrent of ideas you could even hear the ink aggressively rushing through your fountain pen at the ready to provide the magic string of verbal pearls, a sort of incantation that unleashed a creative force that transformed itself seamlessly into brilliant language as it settled softly with ease on page after page after page creating a magnificent work of art.

The two blockages I encounter most often are the following:

The first is when mind is equally as blank and empty as your first page. It's the frequently portrayed stereotypical one of the frustrated writer at wit's end hunched over his/her computer unable to conjure up a single word or unable to get past the first sentence, "It was a dark and stormy night," when there's not even a hint of creative condensation.

The second is when ideas gush out easily but it's nothing more than bilge, an incoherent stream of words and sentences from which you're unable to conjure up a compelling story in any form, let alone in an entertaining way.

But fear not. One method of firing up that creative artistic engine is to keep on hand - as in a hard copy - several types of articles by writers you enjoy reading. This means those who are not necessarily iconic or well-known writers, rather those with whom you have a certain comfortable and likeable connection in how you think. Not only should you read it, read it aloud, softly perhaps in sotto voce as if you're a storyteller to someone sitting at a table across from you. And the reason I never use my own previously published articles is that it has the same results when a doctor treats himself - not well.

Different styles mean different rhythms from which to choose. Always have them at the ready whether physically in books or magazines or articles or on your electronic device(s) in a dedicated folder. You don't want to get so stressed and depressed knowing what you have to do and not being able to not only write but remembering then searching the names of those authors and their respective articles. These sources represent the antidote to your creative conundrums.

So next time you're stuck in that creative cerebral traffic jam you can select one and read by example and begin moving forward. Even if you're writing a serious piece on international affairs, an article on fashion or theater may do the treat simply for its style and provide a different perspective. Indeed regardless of the topic you're engaged in, you are in the entertainment business where both comedy and tragedy exist as art. As the words and imagination begin to flow, critical concepts will form and transfer themselves more easily from fountain pen to parchment as the components fall in place so you can later mold them to craft your message to suit your audience.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Smash-Through-Writers-Block&id=9372879

Gaining Perspective on Life

I am not my job.

I am not my bank account.

I am not my degree.

I am not my possessions.

I am not my social status.

I am not my hometown, or even my country.

I am not my looks.

I am not my attributes.

I am not my achievements or lack of.

I am potential.

I am curiosity.

I am awareness and presence.

I am unimportant, although not worthless.

I am a blip in this thing called time.

I am a tiny existence on this vast planet and this planet is a tiny existence in this vast universe.

My perceived level of self-importance makes me feel as though I have a privileged position on this planet. This is false. I am simply another lease of life that will come and will go.

Life is simple and thus, must be lived simply. Through the cultivation of perspective and constant gratitude, we automatically realize how small an existence we really are. 'Importance' is a thought generated image of myself and the idea that I am more important than any other soul is simply false. We need not depend on possessions or superficial items but rather be self-dependent.

My life is made up of my days and as I live my days, so I live my life. I encourage everyone to go out and do things that scare you. Challenge yourself in new ways; ways you can't imagine. Do not get trapped by dogma and most certainly don't think that taking a week long vacation is 'living'. Find what you love and pursue that passion. If that means doing what you dislike to support what you love, so be it, but do not get caught up in what you dislike. Money is just a renewable resource; one that can always be found and always be made. All too often, we fall into the trap of losing sight of what we love. We begin to make decisions that diminish our chances of simple presence and happiness and in turn, we get lost in thought and the whirlwind that life can sometimes be. Keep it all in perspective. You are not your job, nor are you your bank account. You are a curious fragment of matter that is capable of anything. Maintain perspective and continue to bring yourself back to reality when your level of self-importance gets too much that it hinders your life.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Gaining-Perspective-on-Life&id=9479117

Illusion Delusion

Have you heard that everything is an illusion?

Well it is. All parts of your life are happening as you see them. It's all about your perspective. If you change the perspective, you will create another illusion.

I like the word illusion because it makes me think that I can get rid of a current negative reality as easily as waving away a puff of smoke.

Another way of seeing life is as a choice of realities in any given moment. Imagine someone fanning a deck of playing cards out in front of you and then you get to choose one. If you don't like the one you choose, you stick it back and choose another.

Most people don't understand that the Law of Attraction is far more profound, fast, divine and magical than they can currently grasp. It sounds too wild to think that if I choose to live the illusion of wealth, I could go from not making my debt payments to paying them off in full in the same month.

It's delusional to brush off the power of illusions.

I once was doing a rope course with some friends and found myself stuck on a wire about 30 feet above the ground. I was connected to a safety line but had made a decision that the friend who was holding it would drop me. I refused to let go of the tree I was hugging so they could safely lower me to the ground.

I got myself so scared that I was crying. My friends spent 15 minutes coaching me out of the fear. I didn't realize that my fear was an illusion. I had painted a fictional picture in my mind and reacted. My friend, Kathy Fettke, had to remind me that I loved angels. I then painted a picture in my mind of flying safely to the ground. It worked. I let go of the tree.

I've also had experiences of positive illusions. When I was house hunting several summers ago, I knew that I would have a gorgeous house with a water view. My brain and emotions had locked on to the vision of me sitting out on my back deck enjoying the view.

I knew I would find a way to financially make it work, even though I also knew most of the houses I viewed were way out of my price range. My house would reveal itself. My realtor saw that I'd bought into this illusion, and, while hesitant, she eventually followed my lead.

Thanks to this illusion, a few months later I moved into a house with a pristine view that cost 50% less than houses with half the view.

The rest of the world may think you're delusional, but you'll know just how powerful your illusion is in creating the reality you want. If you don't like yours, trade it in!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Illusion-Delusion&id=9452583

The 7 Secrets Of Happy Couples

Do you notice happy couples around you and wonder how they continue to have fun together year after year? Of course, appearances aren't everything — and there's often more to relationships than meets the eye.

That said, there are certain couples who have a palpable level of trust and respect for one another that makes it harder for us to imagine them fighting about the silly stuff that most of us get into.

So ... What are they doing to maintain this high level of connection?

Well, the truth is that most, if not all, couples have their differences. They fight and have moments in which they are deeply frustrated with one another. And there are times when even the happiest couples look just like unhappy couples!

However, there are some important distinctions between happy and unhappy couples. Basically, happy couples know how to fight fairly and how to continue to strengthen their bond.

With practice, we can all develop the following skills that fortify relationships:

1. Happy couples trust each other.

Even when happy couples disagree they trust their partner to be kind, faithful, honest — to care and to have their best interests at heart.

Researcher John Gottman found that couples who trust each other live healthier and longer lives. He found that trust is related to the release of oxytocin, which is the feel good, “bonding” hormone. It’s the same hormone secreted when we have an orgasm — and the stronger the orgasm, the more oxytocin we secrete.

Happy couples tune into one another and step up when the other is in need. When disagreements arise, they default to trusting and forgiving rather than doubting and begrudging.

2. Happy couples don’t despair about their differences.

They know that their differences exist — and sometimes these differences are quite dramatic. Every couple has their ongoing clashes in which their personalities and preferences collide. They notice, ”There it is again — that dance that we do when you do what you do and I do what I do.” But noticing and judging are very different.

Gottman’s research reveals that most marital conflicts are unresolvable. But this doesn't necessarily mean despair. It all comes down to perspective.

Happy couples duke it out fairly knowing that, even with an unresolvable conflict, they are in it for the long haul. They can tolerate the feelings that arise from a dispute and may even accept or laugh about their differences.

3. Happy couples are kind.

They know that their words and behaviors count. Arguments are not a free-for-all. They take care about the words they choose to express frustration and disappointment.

The intention in their communication is to listen carefully and tell their truth kindly. Even when the message to be delivered is difficult to say — it is said with honesty and compassion.

This builds a reservoir of trust and safety. Listening deeply to your partner allows him or her to feel truly seen and heard which is what we all long for.

4. Happy couples can successfully repair the damage.

We all have within us the potential to speak or act badly. It’s about being able to successfully manage the harm or hurt. Happy couples can empathize, apologize and forgive.

The key is to remain conscious of how we express ourselves and listen to our partners. The way we deliver messages is more important than the words we use. Keep in mind that “tone always trumps content.” For example you can say, “I heard you.” Depending upon the tone of voice used, the meaning can vary wildly.

5. Happy couples schedule fun.

They share conversations where they recall sweet memories. They offer up what they love about each other, which can jump-start loving feelings and diffuse bad ones.

But they also don't rely on thinking about the honeymoon phase to fuel the fire of their relationship in the present and into the future. Rather, they build on the pre-existing strengths of the relationship by scheduling fun experiences together that keep things new and fresh. They may even choose to spend time with other couples who have a healthy bond, which reinforces the positivity in their own relationship.

6. Happy couples have rituals.

They generally go to bed at the same time and wish each other good morning and good night regardless of how they feel and usually add a hug or kiss. They connect during the day, not only because they love each other and have the desire to be in touch, but because they realistically acknowledge that relationships are a practice.

7. Happy couples behave like good friends.

They handle their conflicts in primarily positive ways. They honor their individual needs and their shared goals — helping each other realize their goals and dreams. They do what they can to promote and safeguard each other’s happiness.

Most importantly, happy couples are committed to working hard on keeping their connection strong. They don’t take each other for granted and they actively practice these strategies and acts of loving kindness.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-21316/the-7-secrets-of-happy-couples.html