Why Keeping Problems Secret Only Make Them Worse

... and the Number One way to bring them out into the open.

Is this you sometimes?:

• You hold it all together until the last person is out of the house and then you break down crying. Life is too hard. You think, “How can everyone else be doing so well but I am failing? What is wrong with me?”
   
• You get ready for work and show up determined to have a good day. But then your annoying colleague punches all the wrong buttons and you slump at your desk for the rest of the day unable to really focus. You snap at others, and you wonder why everyone else is successful while you are struggling.
   
• You put on a brave smile and find the energy to get your kids ready for school. You drop them off at school and then find all your energy goes with them as they skip to their classroom. You think, “How does everyone else stay so focused and happy?Why am I so alone?”

Source: Johan Larson/Shutterstock

Here’s the deal: You are not alone.People all around you think these thoughts and feel like giving up, all the time. Others that smile at you in public later go home and sit in a chair and cry, or yell at others, or just go back to bed.

Life can be hard. We may be grieving for loved ones who died. We may be struggling in a marriage. We may be missing children who are off doing their own things. We may be torn by hurtful comments from people we thought were friends. We may be facing a serious illness. We may be worried about family members who are destroying their lives. We may be struggling to be patient with work colleagues who make our lives miserable and there is nothing to be done about it. The list goes on.

No wonder we get down.  

You cannot avoid having trials in life. What you can do is learn to reach out to at least one other person so you do not feel so alone.

When we keep our pain and grief tapped down, it will seep out the cracks in ways we don’t always recognize. It helps to have a friend or support person who will listen. You don’t need everyone to understand, but one person listening can do wonders. 

When we feel shame or guilt, it helps to share thoughts with someone else, because keeping our shame and doubts hidden only allows them to grow. By voicing those thoughts or asking questions about why you are "the only one" struggling, you can get them into the light of day and realize that they are less powerful when they're not hidden in the dark. When you have the right person to share those struggles, you often learn that he or she also has trials. We connect and realize that we are not the only ones hurting. This person may be a friend, family member, clergy member, counselor, co-worker, or support group member.

Finding a good person to confide in can be hard, but keep trying. Be willing to show some vulnerability. You may be surprised to learn that the other person needs a friend, too. And if you try reaching out to people only to be hurt by them, understand that they may be hurting even more deeply than you and not able to connect at that level. Protect yourself from them in the future, but don’t give up on humanity. 

Reach out to people in person, not just on social media. You might also connect with people through helping others in difficult situations. You don’t even need to share your specific struggles. By helping others, we can feel better about our situations.

Connecting with others will not magically take away all your problems. They are small steps. They are moments to help us catch our breath. And even though it is hard to believe, those people next to you who seem so confident and happy need others, too. They also have doubts and trials. 

You are not alone—and you have gifts and support to share with others. Take a chance and reach out.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-grieve/201511/why-keeping-problems-secret-only-make-them-worse

Seven Secrets of Self-Made Multimillionaires

First, understand that you no longer want to be just a millionaire. You want to become a multimillionaire.

While you may think a million dollars will give you financial security, it will not. Given the volatility in economies, governments and financial markets around the world, it's no longer safe to assume a million dollars will provide you and your family with true security. In fact, a Fidelity Investments' study of millionaires last year found that 42 percent of them don't feel wealthy and they would need $7.5 million of investable assets to start feeling rich.

This isn't a how-to on the accumulation of wealth from a lifetime of saving and pinching pennies. This is about generating multimillion-dollar wealth and enjoying it during the creation process. To get started, consider these seven secrets of multimillionaires.

No. 1: Decide to Be a Multimillionaire -- You first have to decide you want to be a self-made millionaire. I went from nothing—no money, just ideas and a lot of hard work—to create a net worth that probably cannot be destroyed in my lifetime. The first step was making a decision and setting a target. Every day for years, I wrote down this statement: "I am worth over $100,000,000!"

No. 2: Get Rid of Poverty Thinking -- There's no shortage of money on planet Earth, only a shortage of people who think correctly about it. To become a millionaire from scratch, you must end the poverty thinking. I know because I had to. I was raised by a single mother who did everything possible to put three boys through school and make ends meets. Many of the lessons she taught me encouraged a sense of scarcity and fear: "Eat all your food; there are people starving," "Don't waste anything," "Money doesn't grow on trees." Real wealth and abundance aren't created from such thinking. 

No. 3: Treat it Like a Duty -- Self-made multimillionaires are motivated not just by money, but by a need for the marketplace to validate their contributions. While I have always wanted wealth, I was driven more by my need to contribute consistent with my potential. Multimillionaires don't lower their targets when things get tough. Rather, they raise expectations for themselves because they see the difference they can make with their families, company, community and charities. 

No. 4: Surround Yourself with Multimillionaires -- I have been studying wealthy people since I was 10 years old. I read their stories and see what they went through. These are my mentors and teachers who inspire me. You can't learn how to make money from someone who doesn't have much. Who says, "Money won't make you happy"? People without money. Who says, "All rich people are greedy"? People who aren't rich. Wealthy people don't talk like that. You need to know what people are doing to create wealth and follow their example: What do they read? How do they invest? What drives them? How do they stay motivated and excited? 

No. 5: Work Like a Millionaire

 

-- Rich people treat time differently. They buy it, while poor people sell it. The wealthy know time is more valuable than money itself, so they hire people for things they're not good at or aren't a productive use of their time, such as household chores. But don't kid yourself that those who hit it big don't work hard. Financially successful people are consumed by their hunt for success and work to the point that they feel they are winning and not just working. 

No. 6: Shift Focus from Spending to Investing -- The rich don't spend money; they invest. They know the  tax laws favour investing over spending. You buy a house and can't write it off. The rich, in contrast, buy an apartment building that produces cash flow, appreciates and offers write-offs year after year. You buy cars for comfort and style. The rich buy cars for their company that are deductible because they are used to produce revenue.

No. 7: Create Multiple Flows of Income -- The really rich never depend on one flow of income but instead create a number of revenue streams. My first business had been generating a seven-figure income for years when I started investing cash in multifamily real estate. Once my real estate and my consulting business were churning, I went into a third business developing software to help retailers improve the customer experience.

Lastly, you may be surprised to learn that wealthy people wish you were wealthy, too. It's a mystery to them why others don't get rich. They know they aren't special and that wealth is available to anyone who wants to focus and persist. Rich people want others to be rich for two reasons: first, so you can buy their products and services, and second, because they want to hang out with other rich people. Get rich -- it's Global.

http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/222718