Weathering Stormy Feelings

I know looking back on my own life I can see many instances where I spoke or acted on impulse, due to the raging storms of emotion within me. Some very strong feelings are also triggered by our hormones. If we are unable to control these hormonal urges they may drive us to make impulsive decisions on sexual matters. The consequences of these impulsive decisions can be very long lasting in our lives. If we can manage our feelings, and better control our resulting thoughts and actions; we will not have so many occasions to later deeply regret.

A great deal of suffering can be drawn into our lives and the lives of those who live in close proximity with us, due to the way we think, speak and react to our feelings. This effect carries outward into our society like the ripples in a pond, bringing either waves of added suffering, or waves of added benefit to the lives of all those within our sphere of influence. We all interrelate with one another on some level. With the increased connections of the electronic age, and all the social media connections, our impact has a much broader range then was possible in the past.

Due to the fact that how we relate to one another, affects people on a far broader scale today, brings to mind the consideration of our responsibilities to one another. Although we are each responsible for ourselves, and our behavior, we need to keep in mind how the things we say, and the things we do, may influence and affect the lives of those around us. If we continue to react without thinking to our feelings; we will not be able to create the best possible life for ourselves.

We also need to consider how this ripple we start in the pond of our life, by the way we react to our feelings and beliefs, also flows out into the lives of our children and grandchildren. Furthermore how we react to our feelings, can negatively impact the lives of those we interact with, on a daily basis. For these and many other reasons, it is very wise to learn how to better cope with our inner feelings, in order to have the best possible experiences in life.

Our feelings combine with our beliefs about ourselves and others, along with the rules we abide by in our interactions with one another. This powerful mix of feelings and beliefs will influence how we will act in all the situations we find ourselves in. Our personal combination of feelings and beliefs creates our thoughts. Our thoughts carve out the reality we perceive within our life experience. Our life experience flows from this stream of feelings, beliefs, thoughts, words and actions as we create it.

I like how Thich Nhat Hanh describes our feelings, in his book Peace is Every Step. He says, "In us, there is a river of feelings, in which every drop of water is a different feeling, and each feeling relies on all the others for its existence. To observe it, we just sit on the bank of the river and identify each feeling as it surfaces, flows by and disappears."

Thich Nhat Hanh also says that "Mindful observation is based on the principle of "non-duality": our feeling is not separate from us or caused by something outside us; our feeling is us, and for the moment we are that feeling."

He goes on to describe how there are three sorts of feelings, pleasant, unpleasant and neutral. He says we should focus on observing our feelings, with love and attention; while using conscious breathing and mindfulness. This will help us to identify and acknowledge the feeling we are experiencing. If a feeling is unpleasant, we can mindfully embrace our feeling, like a Mother comforting a crying baby. Applying our energy to the feelings in this way, will help us to transform the unpleasant, or stormy feelings into either neutral or pleasant feelings as we practice.

1. The first step in transforming our feelings is to recognize each feeling as it arises.

(Example from Peace is Every Breath) "Breathing in, I know there is an unpleasant feeling in me." "Breathing out, I know there is an unpleasant feeling in me." We want to keep our breathing calm and light so our mind and body can begin to reach the same equilibrium. As we identify the feeling using mindfulness, we can address it by name, such as "anger", "sorrow' or "fear." Do not seek to drive the feeling away, simply acknowledge it. "Hello Fear, (Anger, Sadness) How are you today my friend?"

2. With the second step you will invite your feeling and mindfulness to shake hands and connect with each other.

Allow your mindfulness to greet and care for the stormy unpleasant feeling you are experiencing. As the feelings connect with each other, mindfulness will calm the stormy feeling for you. It may seem frightening at first, but with practice your mindfulness will gain strength and will help you transform these stormy feelings.

3. The third step is to calm the feeling you are experiencing.

"Breathing in, I calm the activities of my body and mind." Again use the visualization of a Mother holding and comforting a crying baby. As the baby feels the tenderness and love of the Mother (your mindful energy) the feeling (baby) will calm down. "Breathing out, I calm my... " (fear, anger, sadness... )

We do not need to bury, reject or drive away our feelings. What we need to do is mindfully and lovingly embraces them. As you lovingly embrace the feeling, with your mindful energy; you will transform the stormy feeling, with your love and compassion, into a more beneficial and pleasant feeling. With this gentle approach we will be able to withstand the storms that pass through the branches of our being. Mindfulness will help us to understand all of our feelings are an important part of us. When we acknowledge and embrace our stormy feelings they can be transformed into positive and beneficial energies. We can then go on to create a happier, more positive and successful life experience for ourselves. This will also benefit all those we hold especially dear.

I strongly suggest reading Thich Nhat Hanh's book, Peace is Every Step, for a more detailed and comprehensive explanation of this wonderful process.

In the Christian tradition the feelings and thoughts we experience are considered in Philippians 4:6-8 as follows. "6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think on these things... "

I think that an attitude of gratitude and a heart filled with thanksgiving along with lips that look for every opportunity to praise; will lift our hearts from many a moment of sorrow or despair. In addition using the mindfulness approach to transform our feelings can be utilized within any faith.

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens. Khalil Gibran

Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/khalil_gibran

When dealing with your feelings, or those of another, consider the words of Jalaluddin Rumi, the thirteenth-century Persian poet. "Listen with ears of tolerance! See through the eyes of compassion! Speak with the language of love."

In summary we all experience a vast array of feelings. Enjoy the pleasant ones; transform the unpleasant stormy feelings by mindfully embracing them. Acknowledge all feelings, for they are a valid of expression of who you are, and what is meaningful to you. Love and accept yourself feelings and all! Seek to better understand why you feel the way you do, and in so doing you will come to better understand both yourself, and the others who are important to you in your life.

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Influence Anyone In Seven Small Steps

Influence - What is it?

Influence literally translates to the power to have an effect on people or things. Unknown to us, we constantly influence and are being influenced by a myriad of factors affecting our every decision. Even something as simple as our choice in tooth paste stems from an unbelievable number of influences from the external world. Influence is universal and is not restricted by species or by geography.The list of factors that help in influence may seem infinite, but yet social scientists have shortened the list to just under ten! In this article, we will learn how to influence other members of our own species, to get them to do what we want them to do.

How do we influence people?

We all influence people for some kind of gain, stock brokers, salesmen, managers, employees, bosses, house maids... the list is endless. We do something for our boss, so that a day's leave may be excused. We shower the spouse with love, so that we are loved too. We sweet talk the salesman, hoping for a small discount. We influence everything we interact with and vice versa. So how do we get people to do what we want them to do?

The 7 major shortcuts to influence people in today's world are:

1) Reciprocation and exchange.

2) Unanimity and concord.

3) Friendship and trust.

4) Paucity or scarcity.

5) Authority.

6) Integrity.

7) Commitment and dependability.

Breaking it down!

Identifying and applying these seven principles of influence can get you what you want, when you want it. However, use these with caution, too much and one may begin to look desperate or needy. These principles can be applied to anything ranging from getting your crush to date you to getting a promotion at work.

Let's start with commitment and dependability. Let's say Josh wants to ask Jane out on a date. Before the active process of influence ever begins, Josh needs to be committed to the task at hand and Jane needs to know that Josh isn't going to pull one over her. A lack of commitment or using deceit to influence people can never work in the long term and will possibly lead to more harm than good. So, before you try to influence anybody make sure all the people involved are getting a fair deal!

Reciprocation and exchange - Humans are designed to remember favors and return them. Most people who are at the receiving end of a favor usually feel indebted to the person doing the favor. This principle of exchange means that, you will probably have to do good before you can expect anything good. Thus if Josh were to help Jane out with something, maybe give her a ride home someday, this automatically improves his chances by a slight extent. A salesman who calls you with genuine offers, is likely to get your business more often than not.

Unanimity and concord - More the number of people on your side, more the power of your influence. It is always easy for people to move with the tide than against it. If Josh was an all around great guy, this grossly improves his chances of scoring a date with Jane. People flock to the already crowded restaurants, don't they? In business, a simple way to get people to back you is by obtaining testimonials and reviews. Josh, can utilize social networks in a similar fashion.

Friendship and trust - Would you lend your car to a friend? If yes, why? Would you give a stranger your car keys? if no, why?. Trust is central to influence, and one has no chance of influencing a person who does not trust the influencer. This is where past deceit could be incredibly detrimental. Imagine if Josh has a history of relationships in which he was unfaithful, what chances does he have with Jane?

Paucity or scarcity - When are the stores doing their best business? Why do we feel the need to update to the newest phone instantly? Because for a day or two, we will be the only ones with that "rare" piece of technology. Scarcity always sells, for Josh, being an extra nice guy may make him look like a scarce resource. For a doctor, the extra smile may make him seem like a rarity. For your business, some exclusive information about the products you sell may make you stand out.

Authority - Ever wonder why you don't question your doctor as much as you question a salesman. Why do doctors flaunt their degrees and diplomas in their offices? Why do lawyers fill their offices with books of law, although they read only from their I pads? To flaunt authority, and with increasing authority, compliance also rises. Never miss the opportunity to subtly flex authority to get people to do what you want. Authority may not apply to romantic relationships, like in the movie Hitch. What about Josh? I am not sure if authority is going to help him secure a date!

Integrity - The most important of the seven principles. If at anytime along the way, one notices a loss of integrity, remember that failure could be lurking around the corner. Any kind of deceit or hidden agenda comes at the cost of one's integrity as a human being. The persistence with trying to influence people despite lost integrity would lead to loss of self esteem and a distorted self image and just would just not be worth it in the long run. Now, if Josh was trying to take Jane out on a date by faking the principles of influence, self doubt and guilt could deny him the fruit of love.

Putting it together.

Now that we know the seven principles of influence, we need to be able to put it together. Every situation offers a opportunity for practice. Smile at the ticket conductor and he might not pester you for change, buy your co-worker a coffee and he might not look so disgruntled when you take your vacation.Give your clients exclusive leads and they will keep coming back to you. But for long term benefits, you need the 8th principle.

Patience - It might take years before the principle of reciprocation might help one out. It might take years for one to build authority and years more to build good will. It is of importance that through this timeline one remains dedicated and consistent. The results will come and when they do, you will be content that you put in the hard work.

At the end of it all, you will be seen as a friendly, benevolent, scarce and trusted authority who can influence people for their own good.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Influence-Anyone-In-Seven-Small-Steps&id=9704547

For Personal Transformation And Finding Direction In Life Consider Going To The Theater More Often

A good movie needs to have the power to influence on your objectives and goals.

Do you want to find ways for a better world in your heart and transform your life?

I mean finding hope for a better future through the characters it brings to life.

The show at a theater can be a meaningful and abundant experience when you're up against no direction in life, and can lend hope for a better future.

The Course in Miracles teaches that, "Real freedom depends on welcoming reality... "

If you enjoy the movies, you can use it as your inspirational force by responding to these questions:

- How did this movie motivate you to pursue overcoming the feeling of no direction in life?

- Exactly what did the characters teach you about success and exactly what action will you take to follow their examples?

- Exactly what did the characters teach you about mistakes and exactly what negative wrong-minded actions will overcome to achieve your purpose in life?

- Does this motion picture stir in you powerful emotions and help you answer to what is my purpose in life?

In enjoying a film, it's safe to feel emotions you typically conceal in reality, from unhappiness and pain to joy and bliss.

Life has lots of feelings. It's not a story about real life, however, a lifeless illustration in motion can stir effective emotions in you.

To make the most out of a good film's capability

Stir powerful emotions on ways for a life of purpose, by responding to these concerns:

- What powerful feelings did this film bring or stir to the surface in you?

- How have you been managing those feelings in reality (such as preventing, suppressing, or letting out of control) and what outcomes are you getting?

- Can you make any improvements in the way you are managing those sensations?

- Does this motion picture show you ways to deal with the unknown and get beyond felling of no direction in life?

Like a great mentor or coach, a great motion picture needs to have lessons that prepare you and instill hope for a better future and caution you about the risks and rewards of your purpose in life.

The characters need to be honest examples of genuine people and their methods of dealing with life's curveballs needing to teach meaningful lessons for your life.

To make the most out of those lessons

For ways for a better life, address these questions:

- What did this character (or characters) do to face that unanticipated obstacle?

- What happened as an outcome?

- What am I learning from the example of this character (or characters) that I must utilize (or avoid) in my own life, when I face comparable life challenges?

Put more music in your life if it's the music.

Choose an area of your life that lacks action and do something about it if it's the action series.

One Author who I admire talked about the Wizard of Oz, where the Good Witch of the North told Dorothy she had it in her all along to return to Kansas.

I'll add to that, where I see the melting of the Wicked Witch of the West in her dark castle as how we fear when the ego in us fades away.

The Course in Miracles states, "The children of light cannot abide in darkness, for darkness is not in them."

Ways to Apply the above Criteria

Get together with a few loved friends or ones who like the theater.

Pick a motion picture and watch intensely using the three requirements above. Remember the questions noted within each criterion.

If you want to begin finding happiness and have more hope for a better future, and you likewise love films, feel good about making an effort to give their lessons a chance to lend you help for personal transformation.

An excellent movie or show usually has the power to inspire you for changing your life for the better, through the characters resembling poetic parallels to your life.

Hey, here's to the movies for inspiring a better life!

http://ezinearticles.com/?For-Personal-Transformation-And-Finding-Direction-In-Life-Consider-Going-To-The-Theater-More-Often&id=9819906

The Way to Be Successful in Life

Nothing has impacted the speed of communication than the Internet -- the influence has captured young and old globally.

The key to increasing your ability to ethically influence others naturally will lie in your willingness to rapidly accept new technology the internet and your ability to craft your words hypnotically. Technology is the means to convey the message. But, your words are most relevant for influencing others. Kenneth Goods, Author of "Advertising."

In all communications, vocal, written, visual or any combination off -- use emotional words and phrases that move people. You're often on the right track when you appeal to curiosity, love, sex, money, fear, special, new, time and used repetitively. If it is going to get big -- state -- that it is going to get bigger and bigger. Consider Doing It.

The key driver in the new economy is the e-business revolution and it will transform every industry sector. Salespeople, marketers, advertisers, leaders and just about everyone responsible for global expansion, operating efficiency and unleashing of human potential will need to hone up on their influencing skills. Return into to life experiences -- although digging deep in it look for many times you were determined to buy a solution or move to supper and a movie with a friend. How many times have you ever been motivated -- like it looked nearly hypnotic -- and then later contested yourself as to exactly what prompted one to take action.

Just as importantly will be the form and media that we influence others with. The challenge will be in getting us heard and seen above all the noise, clutter, and junk we are bombarded with every second of the day.

Repetition for influencing is the copywriters, marketers, salespersons and also negotiators most energetic weapon. When you utilize repetition in a straightforward and moral manner, you can impact the ability you've got along with others. Without a question -- the capability to influence people could be the only most effective skill in our own and business world now. The Internet and new technology empowers us to influence others in a newer, bigger and better way, for spectacular growth opportunities, never before experienced in history.

Without question -- the capability to influence people could be the one most effective ability in business today. Mastering effect will only handedly account fully for more firm compared to any other skill -- will only effortlessly Leap-frog your livelihood and boost your own success. It should really come as no real surprise for you personally if I was to let you know, which the absolute most effective kind of getting and bothering visitors to do it would be with repetition. Yes. You heard me right. Repetition can be a powerful influencer that is hypnotic.

Today represents just the tip of the "Information Revolution" and "Technology Revolution" in which we will witness the single greatest change in the global economy and business conditions. Old paradigms will shift at tornado speed. Business and marketing models are changing from brick and mortar traditional business thinking to embrace the e-business revolution -- demanding more skilled leadership with the ability to ethically influence others.

Think of what you can do if you will boost your own ability to influence the others, of course, without sounding like you are creating a sales pitch and then squeezing them to make a decision. How much success and money could you make with that talent? Painting words pictures are powerful influencers -- "I adore you more each time I notice you" is weak. "Each moment I look to your mind, I'm reminded of the rich love and affection I have for you" paints a much stronger and brilliant photo. "Very persuasive individuals can orchestrate vivid images that influence both the perception and mood of the listener. Highly skilled salespeople use word magic to bring their prospects and customers to other worlds of sights and sounds and feelings." Donald Moine & Kenneth Lloyd, Authors of "Unlimited Selling Power"

Think of what you can do if you will boost your own ability to influence the others, of course, without sounding like you are creating a sales pitch and then squeezing them to make a decision.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Way-to-Be-Successful-in-Life&id=9858202

6 Fail-Safe Tips to Make You More Persuasive

How can some individuals be so persuasive while others cannot appear to encourage anyone to do anything? Persuasion is part art and part science. Some people are born with the charisma that most people lack. But anyone can become more persuasive with the right approach. Anyone that can read or write can influence others successfully.

What would it mean to your professional and personal life if you could reliably influence others? Very few abilities are as extensive in their advantages.

Persuade others to align with your mindset:

1. Produce a connection with those you wish to influence. Whether you're aiming to influence a single person or a thousand, it is essential to produce relationships. The level of trust and connection you can develop will directly influence your capability to affect others. This is an essential first step. There are lots of ways to establish a connection.

Show what you share in common.

Mirror and match the other person's body movements and gestures.

Be sincere and real.

Show others that you can be trusted.

2. Be convincing. You might feel very small and insecure, however holding yourself in that manner won't encourage anybody that they should follow you. There are a number of ways we show an absence of conviction, such as body language, using qualifiers like "I think, probably, maybe and possibly," and absence of eye contact.

Stand tall, look them in the eye, and present your viewpoint like it's an apparent truth. Your self-confidence is key.

3. Use reciprocity to your advantage. Research studies reveal that you're far more likely to return a favor after someone does something for you. That's why the people who knock on your door and aim to offer you vinyl siding offer you a pen or a magnet. They understand that you'll be more likely to buy from them.

Do something for the individual you're trying to persuade. You might buy them lunch, drive them to the airport, or let them borrow a cup of sugar.

Do something for them prior to you trying to persuade and influence them. Your odds of success will increase drastically.

4. Consider their interests. Even the most honorable of people question what's in it for them. Make it clear exactly what they'll be receiving out of the deal. Your neighbor might not want to accept your idea of building a fence between your properties. Nevertheless, he may change his mind if you can show him the advantages he'll be enjoying.

You might explain that your dog will stop leaving "gifts" on his lawn.

It may help the resale value of his house.

It may minimize the amount of weeds on your lawn spreading to his.

It will increase his level of privacy.

5. Be an excellent listener. The other party matters a lot. We tend to only consider ourselves when we're aiming to be influential, however this is a serious error. Open your ears and close your mouth. When you comprehend the needs of the other individual, you'll understand how to influence them.

6. Develop yourself as an authority. If you hung around with the Dalai Lama and wrote three books on meditation, your viewpoints on the subject of meditation are much more likely to be valued and appreciated. Wearing a suite would convey authority in the right setting.

Persuasion is a highly researched topic. There are countless resources if you wish to learn more. The capability to influence others is useful both in and outside of work. Invest some time in practicing this important skill. You'll be glad you did!

http://ezinearticles.com/?6-Fail-Safe-Tips-to-Make-You-More-Persuasive&id=9507988

10 Signs You Really Are a Leader (and Might Not Know it)

Many times people who influence us the most aren't even aware they are leading us.

We often feel that to be a leader you need to be born a leader, or be drawn to leadership, or have a leader-ly position.

We think of leadership as a title that has to be deserved or earned.  

But leaders are rarely, if ever, born. If we had to isolate a factor that creates leaders, it's probably some combination of circumstance and persistence.

Many, many leaders walk among us--in all kinds of people, places and positions.

Some of the greatest leaders you'll ever meet aren't even aware of their own leadership.

Here are 10 signs that you may be one of them:

1. You have an open mind and seek out other people's opinions. If people are drawn to you because you are open to others people's opinions, you are a leader.

2. You offer advice and counsel. If you find yourself advising your colleagues, and your friends are asking you to counsel them--if people seem to seek out and value what you say--then your empathy is strong and your perspective has real-world usefulness to those around you. If you often help those around you navigate their rough patches, you are a leader.

3. People count on you. If people rely on you, it follows that they trust you to follow through and deliver on your promises. If you hold yourself accountable and demonstrate the kind of day-in, day-out responsibility that leads others to trust you, you are a leader.

4. You're a good listener and people confide in you. Being able to listen to others, having people speak to you frankly without worrying about who you'll tell or how you might use that knowledge against them, are signs of strong leadership--not to mention of being a nice person. If you understand that listening is more important than speaking, and if people know they can confide in you, you are a leader.

5. Others follow your example. The most powerful form of leadership isn't persuasion or argument or force, but example. Whether times are good or bad, people notice who's present, who's effective, who's working hard without distraction. When that person is you, others naturally follow you--and you are a leader.

6. You insist on excellence. As Aristotle said, we are what we repeatedly do, and therefore excellence is not an act but a habit. When you are in the habit of standing up for excellence and you hold yourself and those around you responsible for quality, you are telling others that you act rather than talk, show rather than say, deliver rather than promise. If you are not making excuses or blaming others but holding up the standard of excellence and quality, you are a leader.

7. You have a positive attitude. Positive, optimistic people make people around them happy. A positive outlook doesn't blind you to problems or issues but allows you to seek out something good in almost every situation and to know that eventually things will be all right. It's the kind of spirit that keeps people motivated and spreads optimism, and it means you are a leader.

8. You treat people with respect. Knowledge may give you power, being smart may give you an advantage, but when you give respect you will always receive respect in return. If you look for the good in everyone you meet and respect them for who they are, it's likely that they hold you in high esteem and that you are a leader.

10. You are confident and passionate. Most people are always watching each other, looking for cues about how to behave. Being confident means moving with assurance, being passionate about what you believe and refusing to let anything get in your way. If you work consistently toward a cause with vision and confidence, you are a leader.9. You genuinely care about others. If you spend time supporting, guiding and sharing your knowledge with those around you, giving them the opportunity to achieve success, and if you care about their well-being and do all you can to help them attain their own success, you are a leader.

Are you failing to see something important within yourself? Weigh yourself against these traits, reconsider what you think you know, and recognize yourself for the leader you may really be.

http://www.inc.com/lolly-daskal/10-signs-you-really-are-a-leader-and-might-not-know-it.html

How To Easily Influence Anybody According To Their Reasons

Everybody would love to be more persuasive. But most people are pretty clueless on how to persuade others. For example, if you wanted a girl to give you her number, how would you ask? You might suggest getting together later, or maybe trying to beat around the bush or something. But what if there was a way to get girls to WANT to give you their number before you even asked? What if they offered their number to you?

Luckily, there is a way and it involves using some of the easy to learn techniques from covert hypnosis. What is this word magic you may ask? Well, it involves speaking in a way that you're saying one thing on one level, but something else on another level.

For example, you might be talking about the people around you, the couples that you see, how they are interacting with each other. But on a deeper level you are talking about love, and how people fall in love. And on an even deeper level, you are talking about you and her falling in love. So after only about twenty or thirty minutes of a normal sounding conversation, she is really eager to give you her contact information, or even more.

What's more, if you are already in a relationship, you can use these powerful techniques to make her beg for you to do things to her that YOU want. Not only that, but she'll enjoy them more than ever.

Of course, it goes without saying that such powerful technology can be abused. Many people have used these tools to get girls to fall madly in love them in a matter of minutes. But then later, when the guy is finished with her, the poor girl has her heart broken.

Many salespeople also abuse these tools. They use them to build up massive buying temperature in their clients, when they can't even afford the product! Needless to say, this is very evil and something you should never do.

But so long as you have their best interests in mind, using these techniques can significantly speed up the process of getting them very interested in whatever you want them interested in.

One word of caution though. Many people believe these are a set of language patterns to be memorized, and then used verbatim. This is definitely NOT the case. This is like learning another language. It takes time, and a lot of practice. But once you learn these powerful tools, you will be able to speak to people on many different levels. The best part is they'll decide to do what you want, for their reasons. Which means they'll rarely be any resistance!

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Easily-Influence-Anybody-According-To-Their-Reasons&id=9178397

A Leader Is a Role Model for Generations to Follow

A leader is not the one who goes by the title, position or the authority. A true leader is a person of real values who leaves a rich legacy behind. He might not be doing greater things, but he may lead others to do the greatest.

The inner potential and the power from within does not have any boundaries. If you achieve the inner capability by practicing hardships and facing tough circumstances, you will certainly turn into an individual with high morality.

A leader is not born, he is created. The process of the self improvement for several years make a person perfect in one discipline. A leader is created among the millions. A true leader is a role model for others.

Several qualities must be practiced to become a leader. The leaders are not the people who do the things depending upon the liking and disliking of the masses. They follow a fixed path which is toughest. Without facing hardships and challenges, nobody can achieve the state of excellence.

A leader is a life-hunter. He is a kind of philosopher who understands the purpose of the individual life. He has the ability to influence others by his acts. A dictator is not a good leader. He does not ask the people to follow him. The followers get impressed by his personality and strength.

Leadership is not a display of power, rather it is sincere efforts of an individual to lead others in a positive direction. A self learning process must lead to the path of happiness for the others.

Some of the qualities which a leader must posses are:

1) Self Improvement

A leader is a learner. He is a person who follows others and inculcate their good habits quickly. He does not criticize others. Instead, he creates a path which others follow. For setting this tough path, he is in a self learning mode always.

Humans are the mixture of positive and negative habits. Both the traits go hand in hand and ruling over one' s personality. The success is a result of hard work, good fortune and self discipline. But once it is achieved, negative tendencies like, proud, arrogance and power start ruling on us. This is the time to move into the path of destruction otherwise every single human being has his own achievements.

The commitment to oneself and thirst of learning brings our focus back on our growth. A healthy comparison sometimes helps you to move away from the negative tendencies. At the same time, self respect and self confidence, have equal importance. A leader does not fear for anything. A fearless person under all circumstances can only deserves to be called a leader.

When one conquers his weaknesses and learns from every fall and dares to get up again, he is a true leader. Hardships are the reality. By avoiding them, you will become cowards.

2) Sharp perception and sound knowledge

Give hundred thoughts to bring any perception into action and be not a foolish to react immediately without thinking. It is very important to update yourself with the latest trends and gain knowledge on various topics. It will be foolish to comment on any topic without thoughts. The words can work like the sword which will break the relationship.

It is important to use nice words while having a conversation. A sharp perception of the situation must be taken before taking any action. A leader must inculcate this habit and polish himself everyday in terms of increasing knowledge and learning the traits of the speech.

3) A success story

A leader must have a success story behind to impress. Even the topmost leaders of the world were not known till they achieved big in their lives. The mastery of life lies in building good remarkable records with the noble character.

For living a life of purpose, you need to make many sacrifices in your life. The short term targets must be achieved. Self Improvement and self assessment will be a ladder to accomplish your success story.

When you start leading a life with the mission, then you take the complete responsibility of your circumstances and the immediate environment. In a due course of time, the leadership quality is bound to become the integral part of your personality. But this leadership does not carry any negative influence. Staying unaffected by the power of money and people is the foremost quality of a good leader.

4) Mission of the Life

A common man becomes a leader when he has a mission in his life. To live life for a meaningful purpose by remembering each and every small favor which others have done for him. This is going to expand his life as a human being.

All of us are struggling to overcome our sufferings as humans. These are the big opportunities to change our attitude towards life. This is a never ending lesson for which we have to give exam daily. The end of a human life determines the grades of the individual. To live a purposeful life, one has to have a strong mission in his life.

The question arises, how to recognize that mission? I, am not wise enough to decide my mission. The individual fortune which we have accumulated from our past comes into the picture here. It is our good fortune from the remote past, which helps us to encounter a mentor in our life.

A mentor is a person who has demonstrated the path to lead a life in a victorious way. He does not hide the obstacles and misfortunes of his life. Rather, he portrays the ideal behavior to overcome the hardships of the life. He is a true leader. He fights along with you and guides you to achieve your mission.

The self improvement in one's personality and to build the leadership qualities by accepting defeats and fighting with your negative tendencies is not at all easy. One has to undergo the process of human revolution, only the mentor who has himself gone through this process can help you.

5) Compassion and Conviction for others to lead a happy life

One most essential quality of a leader is to have the compassion for the others. This compassion must be unlimited and not subject to the human conditions and circumstances. If you have a million dollar and you are to donate one dollar as charity, anyone will do that. But if you have just two dollars then, will the spirit of donation be the same?

A human has to undergo through a process to bring out a state of unconditional compassion. With compassion, the conviction comes. The conviction defines the solidarity of your thoughts.

These two qualities can lead a human being to reach to a state of unsurpassed happiness. This state of happiness will lead you to become a great leader.

http://ezinearticles.com/?A-Leader-Is-a-Role-Model-for-Generations-to-Follow&id=9306246

Want to Influence Others? Start Using This Word

It's simple, common and very effective.

Let's say you're trying to sell something... say, a comfy chair.

You'd probably encourage your prospective customer to sit in the chair. You'd point out the chair's features: great frame, reputable manufacturer, durable fabric, etc. But by forgetting to use one of the most persuasive words in the English language, you'd run the risk of blowing the sale.

What's the magic word? "Because."

To understand how "because" can influence others, I invite you to spend a few minutes with Vicki Kunkel, author of Instant Appeal: The 8 Primal Factors That Create Blockbuster Success. Kunkel tells the story of helping a client who had a furniture store. While the salespeople were very friendly and attentive, customers were not buying.

The problem was what "ethologists call a fixed action pattern (FAP) response--an intricate sequence of behaviors set in motion by a trigger feature. A trigger can be specific words, sounds, colors, actions, visual patterns, gestures, or even the beauty or ugliness of a person or object. An example of a fixed action pattern response is yawning; when we see someone yawn, we almost always yawn too. But it's not the yawner who makes us yawn; it's a yawning trigger within each of us that makes us yawn."

In the case of the furniture store, the salespeople weren't attracting customers--they were triggering people in the store to retreat. As Kunkel explains, "a salesperson who is trying too hard is a predator to a customer. And, just like the lizard, customers run from the predator--in this case, the sales associate."

Kunkel's advice was to replace the negative automatic response with a positive one--that's right, to encourage the furniture salespeople to use "because."

She suggested that salespeople greeting customers say this: "May I offer you this brochure because we'd like you to have more information about our new store?''

The structure of the sentence--"take this because of that"--induces an innate and automatic response in humans. This response was beautifully demonstrated in a 1978 study by Harvard social psychologist Ellen Langer. Langer set out to determine "under what conditions people would allow her to cut into a long line at a copy machine."

When she used this sentence--''Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I'm in a rush?''--94 percent of people would let her go ahead of them in line.

But even when Langer used this sentence--''Excuse me, I wonder if I could ask you a favor. May I skip ahead of you in line because I have to make some copies?''--people allowed her to skip the line.

Kunkel explains why: "Even when the reason is bogus, the trigger word "because" elicits an automatic and innate response to grant the favor! The response mechanism to this trigger is so engrained that even a silly reason gets a positive response."

For the furniture salespeople, using "because" made their pitches much more successful. "Simple phrases such as, 'You'd really like this couch because it is made of Italian leather,' or 'This glass table would look great in your home because the design will go with any decor,' resulted in a 39 percent increase in sales in just the first two weeks they were used regularly with customers."

"Because" works because, as Kunkel illustrates, "Trigger words are part of what I call the instant appeal response: positive, predictable actions that people take in response to a specific trigger."

Try this persuasive word next time you're trying to influence someone--because it works!

http://www.inc.com/alison-davis/want-to-influence-others-start-using-this-word.html

8 Secret Ways We Influence Others With Our Body Language

Sighs and shrugs are more powerful than they may seem. 

Psychological research has clearly demonstrated that nonverbal cues from others can cause cognitive and emotional reactions in us. These cues can alter or control our own reactions and behavior—and often occur outside of  of ourselves.

Here are eight

1. Pupil dilation

 

Research has shown that pupil dilation accompanies a sense of interest—we are interested in something and our pupils dilate to help us study it. Studies of physical attraction show that others with dilated pupils are viewed as more sexually attractive, presumably because we believe that the other person is interested in us. In ancient times, women would often dilate their pupils with belladonna to make themselves more attractive. This subtle cue definitely occurs outside our awareness.

2. Duchenne Smile. 

The Duchenne smile is the term given to a genuine smile—a smile that occurs because someone is happy. A Duchenne smile is distinguished from a “fake” or polite smile by the narrowed eyes, and “crow’s feet” at the corner of the eyes. If someone gives us a Duchenne smile, it can trigger a genuine smile in return—and when we smile, we actually feel happier. Psychologists call this the “facial feedback hypothesis.” Putting on a happy face makes us happy and, as in this instance, can result from another’s smile.

3. Eyebrow Flash. 

The eyebrow flash is that quick raising of the eyebrows that often occurs when we recognize someone. Or it can be a sign of greeting (when accompanied by a head nod). If someone eyebrow flashes us, it can cause a cognitive reaction—“Do I know this person?”—and can trigger a return eyebrow flash.

4. Personal Space Invasion. 

We carry a “bubble” of personal space around us. If someone enters our bubble, it causes immediate arousal. How we interpret that arousal, and how we react, depends on our assessment of the situation. If the space invasion is from a paramour or loved one, we are likely to respond positively. However, a stranger invading our personal space can trigger irritation or fear. In those instances, we typically move away to try to protect our personal space. This is one reason we feel arousal when crowded into an elevator with strangers.

5. Gaze. 

Similar to personal space invasion, direct eye contact from another can also trigger arousal. How we interpret that arousal depends on who is doing the gazing, and our circumstances. There is a social rule, or norm, that allows us to make eye contact with others but not to hold it too long. A stranger who stares at us is often viewed as a threat. We see this also in apes and other social animals (monkeys, dogs)—a direct stare can cause the animal to become agitated or threatened. Of course, if the person gazing at us is a lover (or potential lover), we can interpret eye contact as sign of interest and attraction. ("She (or he) held her gaze a bit too long; she’s interested!")

6. Touch. 

Touch from others can trigger a host of reactions. In one interesting study, waitresses in restaurants either lightly touched or did not touch their customers' arms when giving them their bills—and touching led to a higher tip. A touch or hug from someone we like or love can trigger the release of oxytocin—known as the “love hormone”—and lead to feelings of both sexual attraction and bonding.

7. Sigh. 

There are many reasons why someone might let out a sigh—sadness, longing, exhaustion, boredom, or frustration. But how does a sigh affect others? It typically leads to the question, “What is wrong?” We immediately want to know why a friend or loved one let out this nonverbal cue, likely because we understand the myriad reasons why someone might sigh. In any event, it gets our attention.

8. Shrug. 

There is little research on the shrug, but I suspect that it creates complex reactions in others. I've noticed that presidential candidate Donald Trump often shrugs when someone confronts him on a “half-truth” or when he in criticized over something controversial he has said. His shrug has a “so what?” quality that actually often stops the criticism, as it seems to have the effect of psychologically “disarming” people.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201511/8-secret-ways-we-influence-others-our-body-language