The Power of Purpose (By Tina Tessina)

"Whatever your age, if you learn to listen, your inner voice will speak to you about your path," writes oncologist Dr. Bernie Siegel in Peace, Love and Healing, your 'job on earth.' This wisdom that is directing you from within is your birthright... an inner message, an inner awareness, that says, 'This is your path, this is how you can be the best human being possible.' If you follow it, you will achieve your full growth and full potential as a human being before you let go of the Tree of Life... "

I know Dr. Bernie is right, because I see the power of the inner voice daily in my clients, in my friends, and in my own life. My clients ask, "How can I access that voice, that wisdom, and get my feet started on the path?"

It's easy for any of us to get discouraged with suffering throughout the world: racial prejudice; addiction and self-destruction; political oppression in its many forms (starvation, war, torture, misinformation, imprisonment, denial of rights of speech, health and human dignity, and just plain bigotry and nastiness).

My own reaction, years ago, was despair. "I can't stand it! So much suffering! So many issues! There's nothing significant I can do." Gradually, with the help of wiser people, I came to realize that I wasn't supposed to do it ALL. I just needed to do a part. But what part? Thus I began to learn about my inner wisdom, my unique birthright, my own peculiarities and talents.

We are all unique, with different genetic mixes, different fingerprints, different gifts and personalities, so let's suppose that there must be a reason for our differences; a Plan. Included in the Plan is a special place for each of us, and we have been designed, by a Super Intelligence, for a special task within the Plan. Supposing that Plan exists, what is your part in it? What were you designed to do? What's your "job on earth"?

If you feel confused or overwhelmed by life, or if your life seems to have no meaning, no important reason for your existence, spend some time pondering the Plan. Whether you call your Source a Higher Power, Spirit, or God, try reading Its mind a little: Imagine-If you were God, and you had created the human being that is you, what would you have created such a person for? It's an interesting puzzle, and the clues are in your unique characteristics. Are you a good listener? Then maybe counseling is your intended "job". Can you explain things well? Perhaps you're being directed toward teaching something. Are you a mathematical whiz? A musician? An artist? Can you make people laugh? All of these talents can be used in unique ways to make the world a little better. For example, if you like to make people laugh, and you enjoy elderly people, perhaps entertaining, volunteering, or working in a senior citizen's center is your special place. Or if you are a survivor of abuse or illness, perhaps your "job" lies in helping others survive.

Like me, many others have found it useful to ponder solve this riddle. The clues and hints are subtle, but they exist. The secret to your life's purpose is hidden in your heart's desire. Discover that, and you discover meaning, joy and purpose. There is a Plan, and you fit within it. No one has been omitted, every small link fits. As you discover your secret mission, and join the rhythm of the Wise Plan, life begins to run itself, doubt fades, and joy becomes a more frequent companion. Try listening to your heart, and to the obvious things about you, and you'll find it works.

" 'I give you something, you know not what, enrich it, you know not how, bring it back, you know not when. And remember, I shall be watching you.' Said the Sun to the newborn child." - so children's writer P.L. Travers expresses the mystery of finding your 'job on Earth.'

"To find in ourselves what makes life worth living is risky business," writes Marsha Sinetar in Ordinary People as Monks and Mystics: "for it means that once we know it we must seek it. It also means that without it life will be valueless."

Did you know that problems with compulsive eating, substance abuse, destructive addictive relationships, and obsessive behavior are most often misguided attempts to satisfy the heart's desire?

We are such amazing miracles of creation. Within each of us is a driving force, that will NOT give up and go away. We can attempt to drown it out with loud, raucous living, to anesthetize it with food, drink or drugs, to avoid it through some zealotry or other, to run from it by being frantically busy, to ignore it by working obsessively, to be too overwhelmed drama and agony to notice it; but as soon as the unavoidable quiet moment happens, there it is, urging us on. Often, people misread this uncomfortable inner restlessness and call it "fear" or "loneliness", but it is only the call of the heart. Until we acknowledge it, it will not allow us to be at peace. Believe it or not, our hearts are filled with purpose and meaning, and will constantly press us to discover our true desire and act upon it.

A spectrum is a wide range of something, like the colors light creates when beamed through a prism. A rainbow. My rainbow, the one I want to share with all of you, is the warrior rainbow. It's the wide range of people who are willing to face their own fear and anger, to brave the terrors of the inner deep, to challenge the naysayers and the criticizers, because they know how important it is to be who they really are. It's a broad spectrum of people, all colors, orientations, beliefs and experiences. Nothing elaborate is required to take your place in the warrior rainbow-just the courage to be you-to face your fears, to believe in yourself, to be willing to fight where you can, while remembering a rainbow warrior always takes prudent risks-self-destruction is not encouraged.

I find that many people who come to me for counseling are "autophobic" - afraid of themselves. They are afraid of feeling emotion, afraid of being forced to be alone with themselves, afraid to find out what is actually inside them. It actually comes down to fearing the power within. We run very fast, in an attempt to escape who we are.

"If the person insists on a certain program, and doesn't listen to the demands of his own heart, he's going to risk a schizophrenic crackup," warned philosopher Joseph Campbell. "Such a person has... aligned himself with a program for life, and it's not the one the body's interested in at all. The world is full of people who have stopped listening to themselves or have listened only to their neighbors to learn what they ought to do, how they ought to behave, and what the values are that they should be living for... my analysis... is that we would rather feel alive than be alive. Sometimes it kills you, to feel so alive out there on a battlefield somewhere, or in a corporate environment where it's quite clear that you're heading for a heart attack, and you don't change your course because you are living in that stream of energy and aliveness. You wind up bargaining your life away for it."

Reading through the wisdom of the ages, I have come across this advice time and time again. Humankind's greatest teachers insist that the costs of denying your heart's desire are far greater than anything that could happen by following it. Every time my clients overcome their reluctance to know who they are, they release an inner power that transforms their lives.

What better time to become a rainbow warrior than now? Here's Dr. Campbell's advice about how to begin: "You must have a room, or a certain hour or so a day, where you don't know what was in the newspapers that morning, you don't know who your friends are, you don't know what you owe anybody, you don't know what anybody owes to you... a place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be... the place of creative incubation... if you have a sacred place and use it, something eventually will happen... Where is your bliss station? You have to try to find it. Get a phonograph and put on the music that you really love, even if it's corny music that nobody else respects. Or get the book you like to read. In your sacred place you get the "thou" feeling of life... for the whole world... if you follow your bliss you put yourself on a track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open the doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be."

I invite you to get acquainted with your heart's desire, join me in a resolution to surrender, to slow down and find out what is inside, straining to get out, longing to make contact with you. Make a "sacred space" for yourself, and spend a little time in it, at first reading or listening to music, and little by little listening to your heart. Perhaps it will change your life, as it has so many others. God has already blessed us, every one.

https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Power-of-Purpose&id=10278721

The Wall Of Frustration For One Person Is The Perseverance Factor For Another

Scientifically, perseverance is everything. Talent is a reality, but it does not count as much as perseverance or persistence. Bluntly, I say, responsibility is power, especially for yourself. In this game of life, we can try to cheat, but in the end we only cheat ourselves because we know fully what we did that we seemed to escape from. The ultimate wall of frustration is not to have that perseverance that does not recognize failure genuinely.

The rich and powerful get more rich and powerful, because losing is not genuinely accepted in the mind and cheating is not an option either. Mistakes, and weakness are simply training for perfection and strength.

The ultimate check and balance is honest persistence and real perseverance, if we do not have those two things we cannot achieve anything in life genuinely. The genuine wall of frustration then is to want ease and luck to be the law instead of what really is the law, work and persistence.

Oh, yes, cheating looks fun until you catch yourself genuinely and unrealistically even in the most "unbeatable" cheating situation. Sure, you can "get away with everything in the eyes of others", but what about yourself, that is the difference that counts, you cannot beat yourself ultimately.

If you want to genuinely climb to the mountain top, you cannot use the helicopter or chair life, it will never be the same as genuinely climbing. Reality has to be genuinely and persistently lived, and talents must be developed to genuinely get anywhere. I remember when my Dad told me about patience, understanding and tolerance being an adjunct to discipline, thought then control. Sure, I instantly understood, but, you must develop from within without wanting any part of the "way of the lucky masses" that has an outside to inside approach to life that is too pragmatic instead of genuinely creative and original from within. In fact I call patience, understanding, tolerance, discipline, thought, then control "The Big Six". Without those big six genuine factors, everything in life comes down to nothing, and without persistence and perseverance, everything is really nothing but gambling. I know, that is harsh seeming, but at least it has the benefit of being the honest and realistic truth about it all.

Life and existence are knit with what we are, not what we want to be anyway, however we try to look at it all.

https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Wall-Of-Frustration-For-One-Person-Is-The-Perseverance-Factor-For-Another&id=9998546

Not Doing What You Say: How It Cripples You

Not doing what you say you're gonna do is a habit. - A habit that is unsupportive of your success.

That's what my old group coach used to say. In every single session.

Of course, we're not just talking about not taking out the trash when you said you would, or not buying milk when you said you would. (Although those things might be symptoms of a bigger problem).

We're talking never getting around to writing that novel. We're talking friendships dying because you never took each other up on those empty words of "we should totally hang out".

This is level not-having-the-guts-to-go-up-and-talk-to-that-someone-who-might-just-turn-out-to-be-the-love-of-your-life here.

The whole thing about not doing what you say is actually fairly simple, and I'm not gonna wait 'till the end to say it:

Doing what you say feels natural. You say something, you do it. Fair, square and simple.

But NOT doing what you say you're gonna do causes, as I love putting it, a disturbance in The Force. We feel a certain discomfort. A dissonance. A discrepancy.

In one of my former articles, I've written about how the one source of unhappiness in the world really comes down to a discrepancy between how things ARE vs. how we WANT them to be. And it's basically the same mechanism at play here.

Think about it. If someone claims the Earth is flat and you happen to know what 2nd graders know about astronomy, you probably want to call them out on it. Because there's a discrepancy between what you KNOW, and what someone else THINKS, which makes them questionable.

And if someone says they're gonna do something and then don't, at least you're gonna notice, if nothing more. Because there's a discrepancy between what they SAY and what they DO, which makes them questionable.

So when you notice this discrepancy in yourself, you're the one who's questionable - to yourself.

Not exactly a nice feeling.

In fact, if you keep on not doing what you say you're gonna do, it becomes the rule rather than the exception. This means, you will effectively make a habit out of something harmful, like with any toxic addiction.

And yes, I deliberately use the word "toxic" here. Because eventually, you'll either be incapable of carrying out anything important you say, or you'll care so little that you'll have exactly zero aspirations towards your entire life.

Think I'm kidding? Go ahead: Try and prove me wrong; see for yourself how it plays out in 10 to 20 years from now.

(In fact: Don't!)

Okay, so ideally, doing what you say should be practiced by everyone. And NOT doing what you say should be practiced by no one. Big whoop.

... But yes, I deliberately use the word "ideally" here.

Because we've all been there. We've all said we were gonna do something and then didn't. For whatever reason.

We might have postponed it until we forgot. Maybe we just didn't feel like doing it any longer.

Or maybe we deliberately procrastinated. Because deep down, we knew that doing it would take us to the next step. - Which could mean responsibility for our lives, other people getting expectations towards us, or rewards of which we basically felt unworthy.

While not doing what you say you're gonna do is fairly common, these last mentioned fears are especially common amongst people with low confidence and self-esteem.

To confident people, doing what you say comes just as natural as thinking it and saying it. Confident people do what they say, say what they mean, and think before they say it. Confident people aren't afraid of responsibility or expectations.

In fact, they gladly take responsibility, and, in addition to what other people might expect, they set expectations for themselves. And they don't consider themselves unworthy of any kind of reward. They accept it gladly, gracefully, and gratefully.

Just to make it clear: It's not that confident people never have any slip-ups or problems with balancing what they say and do. It's the fact that they want to improve at it, and are therefore willing to accept and learn from these slip-ups and problems which makes them good at keeping that consistency.

Want confidence? Doing what you say you're gonna do is mandatory.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Not-Doing-What-You-Say:-How-It-Cripples-You&id=9762825

A Global Solution Begins With a Personal Responsibility

Whether we like it or not we must all accept personal responsibility for the state of the world we are now living in. A global responsibility that equates to a social awareness and ultimately a personal responsibility to bring about the changes necessary to guarantee a world fit for future generations. Packing our bags and moving away from the problem isn't an option, and if the time ever came when a space age Ark 2 became a possibility, current human nature being what it is its fair to say places would be allocated not with the intent of saving the species but based on position, power and status. Premier VIP class would be the order of the day, and everyone else written off as expendable and left to fend for themselves among the ruins of civilisation.

If you feel this kind of decision would never happen simply open your eyes and you will see these judgement calls being made every single day on a global scale. Life has become a very cheap commodity unless you have power wealth and prosperity to protect you from the realities of life in the 21st century.

We are a human race living in a large global village that is shrinking by the day. Where once upon a time travelling large distances would take weeks and months, the same journey is now completed in a matter of hours, and information takes longer to type than it does to travel around the globe. The more technically advanced we become the more ignorant and unconcerned we appear to be about the consequences of our actions, and the effect they have on the planet that sustains us. Politicians, world leaders and financial power brokers are making short term decisions in order to generate further wealth and prosperity for themselves, decisions that will have lasting and long term negative effects on generations to come.

War, corruption and the pollution it creates in the hearts and minds of those it touches is big business. When war generates trillions of dollars worldwide peace has no value in the eyes of those who see no further than the profit to be made from the next conflict. When pollution is seen as an acceptable price for progress and the destruction of wildlife, tree's rivers and oceans, is written off as nothing more than collateral damage, conservation is simply viewed as an irritation that is paid lip service for the sake of public relations, and then totally ignored and its business as usual.

Division is a means to an end. It is generated and manipulated, created in order to divide influence and control. Politics, religion and wealth are the great dividers that segregate and alienate. Once we buy into this belief it becomes easy to convince us that we have something to fear from those who we are conditioned to believe are different from us. Colour, creed race and religion are just some of the many categories and stereotypes used to reinforce the belief that we have nothing in common with the people we share our home with. This planet is our only home and the people we share it with are not neighbours to be ignored because we think they are not our kind of people, they are our family we must learn to get along with if we want to secure a life and tenure for future generations.

Each one of us has the power to make a difference and that difference begins in our own minds and the way we think. Education is the key to change and the mind that can think for itself and has the courage to break free from its own ignorance and fear is the greatest threat to those who would seek to control the world's resources, the environment, society and the world as we know it. The individual is only powerless as long as they believe themselves to be, each one of us can bring about change in our own lives which must then impact on the lives of those around us. In a universe composed of energy a small solitary action on our part has the power to create a ripple that has a lasting effect and far reaching consequences.

In standing up for what we believe to be right; in speaking out for those who are unable to speak for themselves, in helping those less fortunate we make a difference. Every time we refuse to accept bigotry, hatred and abuse we give strength to others and help them make a stand against insidious forms of injustice. There may be times when we are a lone voice and find ourselves standing alone against what appears to be overwhelming odds but it's at those times we come to realise what's important to us and what we are prepared to take a knee for, or stand up and be counted.

The planet we live on is the only one we have and whether we like it or not each and every one of us has a duty of care to do our bit to look after it. A responsibility to leave it in a fit state for those who have to come after us, a responsibility that we can't negate for it's our life and we alone can live it. We are not asked to become environmentalist overnight, or political activists ready to overturn governments, we simply need to become more aware of the world we live in and make changes in our own lives that reflects a new level of consciousness. We are energy beings whose fabric is that of the universe, any changes we make no matter how small must affect both the global and universal consciousness for in reality there is only one conscious mind on this planet we call home, and we are it.

https://ezinearticles.com/?A-Global-Solution-Begins-With-a-Personal-Responsibility&id=9934318

How To Let Go of Over-Responsibility

We tend to grasp onto what feels familiar, no matter how limiting or uncomfortable. If you're a sensitive person, you might be holding onto the belief that you're responsible for far more than is actually possible. It may feel incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to let go of responsibility.

Many of my clients complain of feeling overwhelmed, and sometimes resentful of the load they're carrying. Fortunately, even in the most challenging circumstances, it's possible to make changes that will lighten the load.

Here are some signs you might be dealing with over-responsibility:

Feeling responsible for Others' Feelings - How often do you walk around not only feeling others' feelings, but also feeling responsible for changing them?

Feeling Responsible for Others' Mistakes - Do you ever feel in some way responsible when a family member, partner, or friend, acts out in anger or other challenging ways?

Taking responsibility for Others' Problems - How often do you step into the role of "the only one" who can solve the problems of the family, office, social setting?

Feeling like you have to fix or save the world - Do you ever feel overly stressed about problems in the world, and responsible to fix things?

How to let go of over-responsibility:

Practice awareness. Become aware of all that you feel responsible for. Notice the difference between the different types of responsibilities you take on. Which ones feel heavy? Which ones feel light? Which ones feel right? Which ones trigger resentment? Which ones feel impossible?

Decide which responsibilities are truly yours. For example, these responsibilities will typically include do-able practices and actions related to your health, your mood, your mind, and certain aspects of your job, family, and social and global situations.

Get clear about responsibilities that are not truly yours. Other people's feelings, behavior, and problems...

Decide which responsibilities you'd like to let go. For example consider letting go of: Trying to fix someone's mood. Taking on too much. The belief that you're responsible for everything and everybody in your life. Feeling responsible for things you cannot control.

Ask for Help -- Asking for help can feel difficult for the overly-responsible person. However, it's crucial. Choose responsibilities to delegate or to share with another. Ask a family member, friend, or colleague for help. You might be surprised... people will often say YES.

Surrender overly-challenging or impossible responsibilities. On a piece of paper, draw a line down the center to form two columns. Label the left-hand column MINE, and write down responsibilities you know you can handle. Label the right-hand column UNIVERSE and write down responsibilities that aren't yours, or those that you struggle with. Imagine surrendering these responsibilities to a greater source of help and inspiration. Imagine the possibility of welcome solutions, and new forms of assistance.

Another way to do this is to write each overly-challenging/impossible responsibility on a small piece of paper. Place them in a box or jar labeled Universe. (or Surrender, or Source, or God, or Goddess... )

Use Meditation and Creative Visualization: Meditate on letting go of extra layers of responsibility and stress. See yourself able to easily let go of what's not yours to handle. Instead of engaging with each responsibility, allow your breath to assist the release. Envision yourself centered in your strength, knowing what's yours, and letting go of the rest.

Use EFT Tapping: EFT tapping is effective for helping to release stress and anxiety when you're feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities. Tapping helps to lower cortisol, and increases blood flow to the thinking part of the brain. This will help you deal more effectively with your challenges.

Let go, surrender, allow.

https://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Let-Go-of-Over-Responsibility&id=9992312

Inspiring Partnerships

Partnerships make the ideal topic for a day like today, Valentines. Many partnerships are born around this day as friendships swirl into love and open hearts abound. This is also the day of many relationship dissolutions as couple face the reality of a union headed for destruction as two beings admit that seeing eye-to-eye, working as a team, are impossibilities. Jealousy and self-interest will never allow such diverse connections to unite.

Inspiring partnerships are comprised of individuals who are associated by interest and responsibility. There is a chemistry of success and a mutual respect for winning and growth. Partners may tack to different winds, a characteristic that expands the vision of the team, but they also rejoin and regroup to achieve a common good. Partners visualize a common goal as they glance left and right, up and down, and all around with strength and confidence as they seek the best solutions.

Partnerships in business are replete with people skills as well as personal strategies and methods. Partners "get along" not to go along, but rather to acknowledge the positive perspectives and talents of the other members. While one member may have a higher-ranking seat in the partnership, as in founder/chair/director/president, when it comes to reaching goals, the hierarchy dissipates as the unity deepens and multiplies. The "top" leader is still willing to take the fall, if it should come to that, because the blame game is non-existent in a true partnership. A partnership is a team based on equality.

Partners play to win, but not at all costs. To succeed at the latter, partners must snub their noses to the common good. Winning to win is not winning at all but more of a power play, a show of strength. Partners produce Win-Win situations. While some may benefit more than others, like a prescription for diabetes is not one I need but one that is advantageous to those with the disease, it is something that in the Big Picture is good for everyone.

A partnership holds sacredness, a hallowed ground on which all partners walk. Days, months, and years of empower product, performance, and camaraderie. There exist moments of instant chemistry as novel ideas are excitedly introduced or new team members enter the fold, but a strong bond lives because of mutual esteem and veneration over time. This can be a difficult concept as new partners join as they have missed out on earlier segments of the growing process. Their history begins now, not at the founding or with the initial foundation. But reciprocal appreciation fills this gap.

The difference between a partnership and non-partnership is evident and clear, however, in spite of this it can be difficult to see. Non-partners, or members as I define them, yearn to belong. They believe with time and hard work they will be included in the sacred relationship. In fact some will, but others will always hang outside the fringe, perhaps deceivingly close to the inner circle but never invited to enter. While they may be excellent contributors and vital participants because of unique abilities and flair, they rest on the edge. Strength is present but the confidence in the individual is not there.

As a member (instead of a partner) you have choices. You can grin and bare it, hope for better days, gripe and complain, whine and snivel, or just do your job and go home. If the salary is great, it is easier to stay in such an unrewarding position than to pack up and go. You need to also evaluate and analyze the benefits of the job. Are you enriching your brain, honing your talents, and augmenting your aptitudes? Or are angst and agony replacing revitalization? Under-appreciation is painful and disheartening. Money is nice, but sanity and inner well being are better. Call up your courage for change if you are ready for the challenges entailed in that. Personal compensation outweighs grief.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Inspiring-Partnerships&id=8924423

Making Excuses - Not Helpful! (By Linda Hancock)

Sometimes people think that their behaviours are justified. Many believe that they shouldn't have to "fess up" unless they are "caught" doing something that they know deep down is not a good choice. Well, nothing surprises me anymore as I have seen over 8,000 clients and have heard probably every scenario possible as well as dozens of excuses for each.

Alcohol and marijuana are now both legal. This has caused some confusion in society especially for those who are in safety sensitive positions. They signed "zero tolerance" contracts with their employers and know the consequences that they will face if they have been using substances. Sometimes they are reported anonymously through Ethics Hotlines. They may self-disclose or be found out when the company does testing after an incident at the worksite.

However, not everyone is willing to take responsibility for a failed substance test.

Here are some of the excuses that I have heard over the years:

1. The lab messed up - Testing involves determining temperature of the sample, as well as the specific drug(s) and the amount in the person's system. Great care is made to ensure that this is done in a scientific and professional manner. Suggesting that there was a mistake is usually just wishful thinking. Also, testing rules out the possibility that you were just inhaling smoke from others in a small space.
2. I only tried it once - Minimizing the problem doesn't justify it any more than the criminally accused who states that s/he only raped the victim once.
3. It's not my fault - Accusing friends or family members who supplied the substance or encouraged you to take it ignores the fact that you always have a choice.
4. The company is being unreasonable - The reason that your job is classified as "safety sensitive" is that you have the obligation to protect yourself and others without unnecessary risks. You knew the expectations and consequences the day you signed the contract.
5. If it's legal then I should be able to use it - Alcohol is legal but that doesn't mean that you should go to work after or while drinking. Same with marijuana.
6. What I do on my own time should be my business - Marijuana can stay in your system for several days or even weeks. If you decide to smoke it during your day's off, you might regret it once you are back on shift.
7. I don't have a problem - I am not sure how a person who is suspended from work, unable to pay bills and having relationship problems because of their substance use can think this.
8. I have quit now and will never do this again - There is an old expression that says, "Desperate people do desperate things". Often, I hear statements and promises from individuals who just want the consequences to disappear.
9. In-patient rehab is not needed because I am not "that bad". Unfortunately, the person who fails the test is not respected for good judgement in this area. Other co-workers might be using more substances more often, but they haven't been "caught" yet.
10. I can't afford to be away from work for twenty-eight days of treatment. The good news is that because Substance Use Disorder is a recognized diagnosis, many employees have disability benefits that will help them financially during their leave.

I find it interesting to hear people state that they use drugs and alcohol to help them sleep, numb out, "chill", relax and change their mood. At the same time, they claim that while they are using substances, they can still be excellent drivers and alert employees.

Years of research and the development of legislation has led to policies and laws that are focused on reducing risk for citizens. Usually those who are caught disrespecting them in the workplace or behind the wheel do not have excuses that would justify their actions.

Excuses are usually just ways to avoid looking in the mirror and taking mature responsibility for making bad choices.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Making-Excuses---Not-Helpful!&id=10167184

How To Teach Our Kids The Sense Of Responsibility

As parents, we want our kids to be responsible. We also want them to become dependable, honest, committed, accountable for their behaviors, accept credit when doing things right and acknowledge mistakes for them to be successful.

Sometimes, we, parents confuse obedience with responsibility. We would love our children to do what we ask, to follow directions and to not question our authority which is understandable when raising our children. However, this is not responsibility! These traits are in fact classified as obedience. Over time, we want children to accept ownership for a task or chore and our children do it because it needs to be done and accept that it is their obligation to do it. Over time, they may even initiate doing a task because it needs to be done not because they are being told to do so. This attitude is called responsibility not obedience.

We do not want our children to fail which can lead us to do too much for our children. When this happens, the children don't learn to take on the responsibility themselves. And I am no exception. I want them to achieve that I support them throughout even to the point of sacrificing my need just to sustain their needs in school.

It stressed me out when I need to give in to my kids' yearning because they do not want to be late in the submission of their projects. I want them to learn how to take charge when something when wrong or doesn't go according to plan. I do not want to take over their responsibilities but I also want them to learn in the process. Even if I feel like this but still worth it because each of them are really good in their craft despite their young age.

Right now, I am trying to set limits and boundaries, impose discipline, teach my children how they should behave, and give them guidance. By not meeting their needs immediately and not giving them everything they want, I provide them with an opportunity to tolerate some frustration, delay gratification, become less impulsive and less self-centered. By setting standards of behavior that I expect my children to meet, I establish consequences for breaking rules and I follow through on those consequences. I teach my children to be appreciative for what they have. It is through the executive role that I hold my children accountable for their behavior, and that in turn, fosters the development of a sense of responsibility.

But I am also a nurturing parent. I am kind and loving to my children. I listen to my children, support them, spend time with them, and are affectionate with them. I communicate my unconditional love - no matter what happens which allows my children to take risks, to make mistakes, knowing that they have my unconditional support and love.

REMEMBER: Children are more likely to accept the limits you set and are more likely to want to meet your expectations when you provide a warm, caring and supportive relationship that underlies the discipline you impose.

When our children feel capable, they are more likely to meet their obligations, volunteer for new tasks, try their hardest and feel good about what they do. These things will increase our child's sense of responsibility.

https://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Teach-Our-Kids-The-Sense-Of-Responsibility&id=9879394

A Kick From Inside And The Wake Up Call From Outside

Sometimes you get kicked from outside and awakened from inside. With that said, here this article comes at you. Think about life and existence when conditions become stagnant and even stalled for a moment. Our wake up call will happen in a way you do not expect from outside and in a way you have been subconsciously expecting from inside. For those of you who have been awakened from this sort of sleep you know what I mean, for those of you who have not, you will know what I mean when the stall in growth and change has been reached.

Sure, my first paragraph was somewhat cryptic and can easily be misunderstood, so let me make it plain in this next sentence: We all get irresponsible sometimes, and we need to awaken from that irresponsibility. Whether it is dealing with problems at home, problems in our mind, or wherever they may immediately be for us. We need (and ultimately want) to get moving on them, or they will become worse and worse, not better by themselves. You know, like an untamed forest needs to be manicured and pruned to be controlled, so our lives need the same thing to not be uncontrolled and untamed.

Responsibility at a basic level is the beginning of control, consistent action is what makes responsibility work though. Consistency and responsibility are the conscious core of our humanity. Without them, we would be nothing but automatic chaos without consciousness. What I mean is where there is weakness there is unconsciousness.

Look, life can be what we believe it is, but first we have to take responsibility, and create what we want through consistent action. These are both a kick from inside of us. Outer conditions are really controlled by this shake up and consistent action with this shake up that introduces us to reality once or again.

To end: This article is under the heading of "anger management" because this wake up call is not always desired, in fact it makes us angry and indignant if taken the wrong way either from inside of us or outside of us. "Waking up is the hardest thing to do in the morning" the old saying goes, but waking up is really hard when it comes to all growing pains of life and existence. This responsibility may be a hard pill to sometimes swallow, but we must take it if we want to grow better for and to ourselves.

https://ezinearticles.com/?A-Kick-From-Inside-And-The-Wake-Up-Call-From-Outside&id=7724051

Sense of Responsibility: Secret Towards A Better Life

Life is full of choices, and what you make of them define your entire existence. Acknowledging the outcome of your life as a result of your choices is what makes life better.

When blame and guilt arise, recognize that they are ways on how to tackle those issues. Spare from blaming other people or yourself by thinking in terms of acceptance rather than judgment. It's a very simple distinction but can help you step back from your conditioned response patterns.

Granted you have your way of looking at things, but sometimes you may forget that you are making choices and those choices have consequences that profoundly affect your relationships and your outlook in life.

When we like how events are turning out, it's very easy to say that we are responsible for our success. But when things aren't going the way we want them to be, we're so quick to place the blame on other people. It's really easy to do. But remember you have control over your life. You decide for yourself what's right and what's wrong.

Taking personal responsibility means realizing your limitations and weaknesses that you can't control certain things and stop trying. These things will happen no matter what you do. It's very easy to say that we can get what we want if we believe that we can but few people talk about the roadblocks to success that can adversely affect your ambitions.

If you want to be successful, you have to take 100% responsibility for everything that you do in your life which includes your achievements, the results you produce, the quality of your relationships, your feelings and everything.

By accepting personal responsibility, of the consequence of your actions, you gain the freedom to create your own life any way you want it. When you admit to yourself that you are solely responsible for your life, you immediately recognize how much control you really do have. For example, you make a mistake while in the process of working on a project. If you admit your mistake, people are more likely to believe you about other things you do. Your word has more meaning to other people when you take responsibility.

However, it's not just a matter of trust. You also earn lots of respect when you take responsibility for your actions. It is not too often for someone to willingly admit and accept their mistakes. If you develop a reputation for taking responsibility for your actions, people will often simply ignore the fact that you made a mistake altogether because they know that you are responsible.

You don't make excuses. Never will you complain even in the worst situations because you know how to find a solution amidst a crisis. Complaining can easily become a habit and will always make you see things in a negative light. You spend too much time thinking on the negative aspect of your situation, rather than on what you can do to change it. The more you complain, the easier it becomes to not take personal responsibility.

To avoid complaining, reframe your thoughts in a different perspective so that you can think clearly. You need to make a conscious decision to become the sole person responsible for your life, and you need to make that decision now if you want to have a better and guilt-free life..

When something goes wrong, openly acknowledge it as your fault. Don't be afraid to take risks or make important decisions. It's not other people who made you the way you are, but only your own thoughts and actions.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Sense-of-Responsibility:-Secret-Towards-A-Better-Life&id=9879367

The Responsibility of a Blessing (By Gini Cunningham)

Every one of us has certain blessings that we have been bequeathed. The source of these is determined by the individual: family inheritance, role model, higher being, or an indeterminate provisionary. Blessings just seem to appear and may be a smile, a sparkling eye, drive and determination, honesty and integrity, and in fact, boundless possibilities. With cultivation blessings develop over time and transform us into better, kinder, and empowered individuals.

I have decided that my blessing is my drive and determination. When I see something I want or that I want done, I jump on the opportunity to bring it to fruition. I may bump into obstacles and naysayers along the way, I may have to alter and adjust course as needs change over time, I may encounter disgruntled discouragement, but when I have a dream, I find it very difficult to let it go. Even if in the end I am the only one basking in the warmth of the dream, I can still call it my success.

Imagine my surprise when sharing this blessing idea with a group of friends to receive a heaping dose of negativity from one member who screamed that her blessing - being a whirlwind of activity - was considered a curse. "I just want to be able to sit down and do nothing!" she screeched. As I pointed out that that wouldn't be her, that her bustle permits accomplishment, she became even more infuriated to the degree that I tried to melt into the background and turn my attention elsewhere. She muttered on as I pondered her face and tone and decided that I guess her blessing, though viewed by me as wonderful, had transformed into a curse in her own mind and that there was no changing her attitude and outlook.

All of this forced me to reflect upon blessings, those special, unique talents we possess and wonder how others perceive themselves and their own talents. Do I look at a dedicated worker and spin positive thoughts but were I to dig deeper would I find a worker who is only laboring because s/he must and that there is no dedication or positivity involved. I suppose I could ask or run a survey but my yelling friend has made me a bit afraid to approach let alone discuss this matter.

But then again, maybe it is time for me to study the characters around me a little more closely, uncover what I believe to be the most blessed part of their being, and then point it out with effusive praise and thanksgiving. Would my positive outpouring produce positive outpouring in return? Now I know it will not work for my above-mentioned friend. To begin with she is not a listener and so she would not hear my words or correctly interpret their intent. So I must more carefully to examine my prospective praise receivers and be ready to turn and run when my positive nature unseats negative reaction.

Think about yourself and your blessings. Do you make the most of them even when after effort and hard work they tire and frustrate you or are you mad at the outset and so anger only accelerates as you spin along with your blessing cum curse? I guess the real question is can you accept who you are and be thankful each moment or are you content to wallow in discontent?

https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Responsibility-of-a-Blessing&id=9064720

Indecision Is Death (By Ellie Rome-Reed)

I have had a lot happen on my path and sometimes I have had to make difficult decisions. Regardless of what you're going through, you have to make a decision. Because doing the indecision limbo is going to kill you.

I read Napoleon Hill's "Outwitting the Devil" and really resonated with the story. I have a lot to say about the book, but I will stick to the singular point: Indecision is death.

Napoleon Hill was struggling. He didn't know what to do or what his next step would be. On a walk one night, he received information about what he should do next, from his other self (or his higher-self). He made a decision to follow the guidance of his higher-self and it led to amazing things happening in his life!

Back to my decision: I was on the fence about leaving my 9-5 job. I was dealing with non-stop migraines since November 2016 and I had been on short term disability. During that time, our nanny quit and my autistic son started acting worse than ever before. I knew the doctor would not sign any more paperwork unless I agreed to Botox, which intuitively I knew was not a healthy option for me.

So I spoke to coaches and mentors, all of whom encouraged me to make a decision either way and stick with it. I even had a conversation with an amazing person who said, "Logic and responsibility can trick us sometimes." He told me not to go backwards. So I made the decision to quit.

For the next couple weeks, I started to wonder if I was making the right decision (you know, ego tries to keep you safe with the known instead of the grander possibility of the unknown). So I did what anyone who had made a decision and didn't want to waffle back and forth about it would do: I hit send on my resignation letter.

I felt an immediate relief. The stomach ache that had plagued me for weeks was gone. I was able to sleep through the night again. I even stopped grinding my teeth.

It didn't matter if I had enough money in the bank, if everything was lined up, I had to make a decision and commit to it. Because when you commit, the Universe shows up to support you. Or rather, "Leap and the net will appear."

Don't get stuck in the cycle of, "Let me think about it a little longer." You will never stop thinking! Make a decision, get out of that discomfort! Then you can step back and ask, "Does this decision serve me?" When asking that question, you haven't let the opportunity pass you by. You can always change your mind later, if things no longer serve you.

Here's another piece of advice I learned: Define failure for yourself.

What is failure to you? Now don't give up on that thing you said yes to until you actually "fail" at it. And I guarantee, you won't fail. But until you've reached the point of failure, you don't know if you don't try AND you will regret 100% of the shots you don't take!

Make a decision. Try something new. Give yourself a chance at success.

Everyone has a story, but sometimes we allow fear to prevent us from sharing it with the people it could most inspire. Everything you want is right outside of your comfort zone. Allow yourself to dream big and know that it is possible to achieve every one of your dreams. They're all on the other side of fear.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Indecision-Is-Death&id=9842011

Guilty Of Using The Four Most Dangerous Words?

The average person has a vocabulary of around 1200 words but unfortunately four of them when shared with others, can have a short term and/or lasting negative impact on relationships. What are they?

You - should ______!

You - Need to _____!

I will - Never ______!

I will - Always ______!

So why are these relationship busters?

You - should;

This was one of my least favorite words to hear from friends, parents, former bosses, a former spouse etc. is - you should. Is it me or do you have an issue with this command as well? Why do I call it a command? Well, that's what it is when someone says you should - lose weight, work harder, start or stop something, drive faster or slower - folks I could go on with this stuff for pages so let me ask you - what's your least favorite - you should statement to hear from anyone?

Why do some people feel they can have control over us, boss us around, intimidate us or just tell us what to do or not do on a whim? There are many reasons but here are just a few of the common ones.

They think they are; smarter than us, are better than us, more experienced than us, know better than we do, always right, they are control freaks. They are insecure but unwilling to admit it. Got any you want to add?

You - Need to;

You need to is a very close cousin to - you should - the only difference is that it implies that it is our responsibility to do - whatever - whether we feel or believe it is our responsibility. The other person's view is that they shouldn't have to keep reminding is that we need to, we just need to put it into our DNA as a permanent part of who we are according to their rules or expectations. Again, I could go on for pages about what other's think we need to do - for them, with them, at them etc. In the end, I am not responsible for you - your opinions, views, prejudices, beliefs, actions, attitudes etc. These are yours not mine. Regardless of how right or wrong they may be, you think they are or are different from mine in the end, I was not put on this earth for your approval. I was not put here as your servant. If I want to do something - anything - wash your car, take out the garbage, get a report done by the end of the day, call you or email you back - I'll do it because I want to not because one of your stupid rules applies to me. Get it - you are not in charge of me - I am. And I am not in charge of you - you are.

I will - never;

Ever heard It? I will never do that or say that again. I will never ____ - whatever! Ever said it? I know I have and when I realized that I had, I knew that one day I would regret saying it. What does "I will never" mean and should we take other's seriously when they say it? Should other's take us seriously? I don't know about you - but words do matter but unfortunately many people either take them far too seriously or not at all seriously. Never means - never like - really never and can anyone ever really say this with certainty or a guarantee that they will never break the "I will never" code? I doubt it. So why do people say it? To manipulate? To control? To look good in the eyes of others? Yes, Yes and yes and yes to any other reason you can come up with. The word is a sham in my opinion and should be eliminated from the dictionary.

I will - always;

I could just repeat all of the above paragraph and make life easier for both of us but let me add just a couple of items so I at least come across as a little professional. Always - at all times; on all occasions, every time, each time, at all times, all the time, without fail, consistently, invariably, regularly, habitually, unfailingly. Had enough? I know I have. Who can possibly say this knowing that we have little or no control over the future? Again, the word is a sham in my opinion and should be eliminated from the dictionary.

Guilty of using any of the above? Have someone in your life or career who uses any of them on you?

http://ezinearticles.com/?Guilty-Of-Using-The-Four-Most-Dangerous-Words?&id=9718809

Let Freedom Ring - With Freedom Comes the Power to Choose Love or Hate

I am fixated with freedom, but with freedom comes the power to choose. The freedom to choose love or hate; move forward or stay stagnant; to be victorious or be a victim; to laugh or cry; to see good in every situation or not. You choose. Without the power to choose, we are not free; the power to choose requires responsibility. Choice is like breathing; you cannot avoid it.

When everything is working in our lives, we proudly take the credit. But when the events in our lives are forcing us out of our comfort zone into a growth zone, we blame everyone and everything surrounding us. We are quick to blame that "big bad Goliath" for causing our problems. Often in the midst of trouble, we see our inner David as being small and unprepared for such a great challenge. We tell ourselves that after all 1 Samuel 17 really does not have anything to do with us. So exercising our power to choose, we choose fear. When we do this we have actually underestimated the strength of our inner David.

When life forces us out of our comfort zone, we are forced to come face to face with all that needs to be healed in our own lives. The murkiness that we have covered up for such a long time begins to ooze into our world requiring us to finally conquer it before we can move toward our goals.

Coming face to face with what we fear is hard work but it is necessary if we are going to fulfill our destiny. Where to start is what causes the most angst. So I advise starting where you are. Using the power of your inner David is a great beginning.

First, make the decision to do whatever it takes to conquer your fear. Without out a decision to move forward, no matter what, you will never meet your success.

Then create a plan for your new life. How many hours, days will you work? How will you spend your evenings and weekdays? What are your new friends like? Where will you vacation? If these images are difficult for you to maintain, then create a Vision Board, but remember Vision Boards are no substitution for taking action. Vision Boards are useful for helping to organize your thoughts and ideas.

Next, identify all the things you have for which to be grateful. When you are in the midst of a challenge, we complain about what is wrong with our life. It is doing this time of crisis that we must remember just how many good things nestled in our life.

Forgiveness is one of the most precious gifts we can give ourselves. Before we can move forward negative emotions must be resolved. Come to terms with any anger you feel about any event, circumstance or person. This is a radical step, but choosing to find the good which is the lesson buried in the midst of your anger will reveal what story to which you are tied. Once identified, you can take the steps to unbind yourself from the worn-out story.

Now move your vision into action. Make a list of actions that must be taken. You must take 3 to 5 actions a day to achieve your goals.

Now untie yourself from anything holding you back. Go forth and create.

Remember, life is too short to drink cheap champagne. Live the life you have imagined. Dream Big!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Let-Freedom-Ring---With-Freedom-Comes-the-Power-to-Choose-Love-or-Hate&id=9744552

Ways To Change Your Life For A Better Future

For a better future take a panoramic view of your life and ask yourself if this is the quality of life you want to continue having.

Most people who have been asked what they've done to change their lives usually answer with something along lines, "It's too late now, my life is my life, and it is what is."

If you're asking yourself, "How do I change my life," or perhaps continually thinking, "I want to change my life," then you've got a great head start.

The primary step in getting out of the rut is to stop making excuses and presume responsibility for the quality of your life.

You can transform your life scenario today.

There will constantly be obstacles and struggles for how to improve your life, however none that can not be conquered for a better future.

The Course in Miracles teaches through its many spiritual metaphysical principles and lessons that, "We truly literally do have the power within us to move mountains."

An initial step for a better future is to getting out of the rut you're in now and step up into faith, and, as the Nike commercial says, "Just do it".

There is no time like the present to change course for a better future. Albert Einstein once said "Anyone who has never ever made a mistake has actually never tried anything new."

Transforming your life and how to improve your life begins with self-forgiveness.

Yes, I mean forgiving your past by letting go of it and going beyond it.

The Course in Miracles states, Forgiveness turns the world of sin into a world of glory, wonderful to see.

The Course in Miracles further teaches that we are not sinners and that our only guilt comes from thinking we have sinned. Errors we've made, yes.

So let go of the thought process that has you living amongst error.

How to improve your life means stepping out of what you do not want, and shifting your mind forward to what you do want.

Take an opportunity, and as William Durant, the founder of General Motors said "Forget past errors."

Start today, don't put it off, take action in getting out of the rut and let go of all excuses about what is holding you back and become responsible for the quality of your life and for a better future.

To improving your life and for a better future!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Ways-To-Change-Your-Life-For-A-Better-Future&id=9819000

Do Not Get Tired, Just Get Ready For Action

One inch past tired is more action and then you get what you want ultimately. But when you let the "tiredness" take over, failure happens. Recently, when I was faced with the fact of being "over taxed" in life, I realized a few things which I will list here:

• Nothing is worth killing yourself over, and I do mean nothing.
• Reality must always be faced honestly or you will die over it ultimately, directly or indirectly.
• Ultimately, as long as there is breath in my (or your) lungs, failure is not permanent.
• We are all about as happy and care free as we make up our minds to be.

Before I go on, I actually got part of that last thought bullet from Abraham Lincoln, and the care free part I added from a feeling of "so what, I will do my thing my way and I am accountable to myself only ultimately.

Sure, we can let life drain us until we are dead, but protecting ourselves from the drain is ultimately our responsibility and nobody else is responsible. So, I will go on with the list bullets.

• Nobody can make us feel bad or genuinely destroy us without a fight, without our permission.
• Sanity begins with real conscious thinking about why we are doing what we are doing, not so much how we are doing it.
• The best trails in life are the ones we blaze ourselves and follow without let up fully.

Think about what I am writing and saying here deeply, the best responsibility we have is the responsibility we have for our own actions and results, and the more genuinely conscious we are, the more powerful over ourselves we are. That is the whole point of this article, responsibility for our results. In fact, consider this article an exorcism of sorts: The exorcism of getting the expectations of others off our backs and living up to our own genuine expectations. After all, nobody else lives the life of another person however hard they try. We all live our own lives, and work with our own consciousness always. So, do not feel guilty for not living up or down to expectations of others. Love yourself, that is where it is at anyway for good, bad, ugly, pretty or otherwise.

After all, there is nobody we can please or disappoint worse or better than ourselves. If we think we can control another, we really are fooling our own minds. So, control yourself, master yourself, start there and all else will be added. For in my reality, the genuine kingdom of heaven inside us comes down to a good attitude that works for our total good and impresses nobody but ourselves. Indeed, the sweet music of praise from others does not matter if you cannot respect yourself first. You must have good inside before you have it outside. That is the bottom line of this article.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Do-Not-Get-Tired,-Just-Get-Ready-For-Action&id=9548932

Time Management Tips for Students of All Ages (By Tonya White Johnson)

It's a brand new school year, and I am having loads of fun watching and hearing all of the first-day school stories and seeing the pictures of students heading back to school. And while the first few days of school are always fun and exciting for both student and parents it's important to get a jump start on what's important.

I have to warn you, that just like that you will look up and half the year is gone. It's around this time that my coaching and tutoring line starts blowing up. The first semester is typically okay. The second one is where the struggles begin. Time management can make all the difference in a successful or unsuccessful year for a student. Here are a few time management tips that are paramount to passing classes and being promoted to the next grade or next level.

Make a to-do list-I encourage my middle schoolers and up to purchase and use a scheduler. It's important to know where you are supposed to be and when. It's also important to make a schedule and see what tasks are to be completed on a daily basis. Checking these tasks off as you go helps you see how productive your day is.

To do list evaluation-Students that are old enough and responsible enough to review their task list can do it on their own at the end of the day. However, it is important to be very honest and make sure that all tasks are getting done and not just checked off. For younger children, parents should be a part of evaluating their daily to-do list; this helps to teach them responsibility and accountability. It's also an excellent time to chat and catch up with your little one while reviewing the to-do list. I encourage parents to make sure they get started with a to- do list with their middle schoolers and above but some parents have helped their children use daily planners in elementary school with much success.

Use your time wisely-most people would be amazed at the time that is wasted throughout the day. One way to understand how much is being lost is to keep a log of your time. There are many distractions to choose from including social media, text, video games and more. The unfortunate part is that we have these distractions at our fingertips now. Gone are the days when you had to wait to get home and watch TV or call your best boyfriend or girlfriend. Our phones and tablets are attached to us and are everywhere present. It makes it very easy to check your phone 100 times a day. The problem is that each time the phone is pulled out the clock is ticking and time is being wasted. The first time I did this exercise I was amazed at how many times I looked at my phone during working hours.

If you are not already, parents should consider limiting cell phone and TV watching time. While there are many valid arguments for taking a phone to school these days, there are also valid questions as to how much distraction is a phone. Gone are the days when half of lunch was spent reading, or catching upon the next day's homework. Make sure your student is using their time wisely. Talk to them about censoring themselves to spend less time on their cell phone and more time on school work.

Communicate your schedule to others---make sure your friends and family know your study hours. Phone calls and text can be very distracting when doing school work and are huge time wasters. Simply communicating to your friends that you are not available for a period of time would help tremendously. Being able to do homework for an entire two hours versus 30 minutes can greatly enhance and improve grades.

Time yourself--- My final time management tip that is great for all ages is the kitchen timer. There is an actual story behind the Pomodoro (from which this method originated) that I won't' go into at this time, but I typically encourage my students to get a simple kitchen timer to use as a time management tool. It is used just the same way your mother or grandmother uses it in the kitchen. You set a time preferably, 25 minutes, to complete focus on your school work and when the time goes off, you stop. You would be amazed at what can get done in 25 minutes of focused time.

No doubt about it these time management tips are beneficial for all ages. However, it is especially gratifying to see young students learn these habits at an early age. I have personally seen some great success with students of all ages when they use these time management skills.

Learning these good time management habits are life skills that are beneficial in college, career and beyond. Some argue to let kids be kids, but I am a firm believer that as parents are given a responsibility to train up our children in the way, they should go. We are given a one-time opportunity to teach them life skills. When we start certain methods is an individual choice. However, research has proven that those things learned in our formative years are likely to stay with is for a lifetime.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Time-Management-Tips-for-Students-of-All-Ages&id=9499375

With Great Strength, Comes Great Responsibility

To feel in control of your life, you need the conviction that you're in control of events, and events are not in control of you. To accept this is to accept responsibility for all areas of your life. As a child, you had all your needs met by your parents. If you cried, a warm hand took care of you. If you expressed discomfort, that same warm hand came and made you feel better. If you felt frustrated, someone came and took responsibility for you. This strategy is great for children, but doesn't work in adult life. Yet, many of us continue to respond to life with the same strategy. We respond with resentment, unhappiness, and frustration, hoping that life will take pity on us and solve our problems. When life doesn't respond to us the way we want, we can easily turn resentful, point blame, become aggressive, and destroy our self-esteem.

To feel in control of yourself, not controlled or controlling, is to have high self-esteem. It comes from taking responsibility for everything that happens in your life. That means taking responsibility for your happiness, the achievement of your goals, the quality of your relationships, and your communication. It means taking responsibility for your existence. The opposite is to become a victim, and to have low self-esteem. A victim does not feel in control. A victim is someone who let go of his hold on life, and is now at the mercy of life, chance, circumstance, and people. Just like a beggar is. His self-esteem is continuously in jeopardy, and has organized his life around pleasing, placating, and avoiding. If you believe that someone or something has victimized you, you must also believe that you are helpless, that your life doesn't belong to you, and that you are at the mercy of other people. The biggest frustration is not being able to express himself.

When you take responsibility, you realize that the resentment you harbor towards people, events, and life is not valid. They are not valid since they are not responsible for you. No one owes you anything. Life doesn't owe you a living, and people don't owe you care and admiration. No one is coming to rescue you. You must rescue yourself. Everything starts and ends with you. As a responsible person, you'll feel more optimistic, happy, and deserving. There is a clear relationship between responsibility and power.

http://ezinearticles.com/?With-Great-Strength,-Comes-Great-Responsibility&id=9494368

Fight in Order to Be Responsible

Our brains are wired to connect with each other. According to studies, we as human beings possess a unique system in our brain called "Default Network". This system is being activated every time we rest on our couch, or when we are driving on our way home. In general the Default Network takes place in the absence of any cognitive, motor or visual task. The main task of this specific network is the capacity to thing about other people and ourselves, the neuroscientists call it social cognition. In other words we the default network turn on in our free time. For further information check out the book "Social" by Matthew D. Lieberman.

Using unconsciously the default network, we choose who to be friends with, who to work with and even who is right for us to build a relationship. The way that our social circle can influence us for better or for worse, is astonishing. As human beings we can be influenced pretty easily, I once read in the book "Everything is Obvious", that consumers in wine stores are more likely to buy German wine when German music is playing in the background, and French wine when French music is playing. Can you imagine the magnitude of influence your friends, your family have over you? That said we all must be very careful about who we are investing in.

A majority of people strongly believe that emotional investment goes hand in hand with emotional suppression. They are willing to sacrifice their core beliefs in order to "preserve" a relationship. At the end, they wonder "what went wrong", while their integrity has been thrown to elimination.

Can you count the "small" lies you tell on a daily basis to your friend, or your parents, in order to avoid a fight, for example?

You feel through your body and heart that you should express your honest opinion about an issue or a certain behavior that you cannot tolerate anymore, but still you hesitate. You rationalize your "non-taking-action" attitude, and go on with your life.

There is a very simple practice when you catch yourself compromising. STOP! Control your breath and express how you actually feel, offer to your friend, husband or wife your perspective and they will respect you for it. Of course there are times that you don't even know that you are lacking integrity. But through your journey of creating yourself, it will come to you.

According to Nathaniel Branden nature gives us an extraordinary option. To seek awareness or not bother at all. Take responsibility for your actions, even if you have to fight with your loved one. Choose awareness, choose responsibility.

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