Are Your Decisions Influenced by Things You Don't Know You Don't Know? (By Ted Santos)

When I first meet with a client, I tell them something profound. Within the first 20 minutes of that meeting, I tell them they are still making decisions as a five year old. In every single case, they tell me that that does not apply to them. Over the next 90 minutes, they say something different. They come to the realization that the five-year-old version of themselves is still running their life. How is this possible?

The age of my clients range 35-62. Most are CEOs or managers of midsize businesses. The industries vary from legal to manufacturing. Their education also ranges from Ivy League universities to highly skilled technical training. I have even had clients who were once psychologists with a private practice. As you can see, education, profession or socioeconomic class has not made anyone immune to this aspect of the human paradigm. Making decisions, as a five year old is so much a part of our social construct that no one questions it. In some ways, we are taught to think as a five year old when we encounter certain people or situations.

For example, I know a woman, called Paula, who once asked me why she always had to be right. I said you might have given the wrong answer when you were about five years old. She enthusiastically responded by telling me about the time she was in the waiting area of a dentist's office when she was five. She said the dentist walked into the waiting area that was filled with children who were scheduled for an appointment. When he entered the room, he was holding something. He asked the children if they knew what it was. Paula was the first to raise her hand. When she gave her answer, the dentist said, 'no, that's wrong'.

After that, she had no idea as to what happened in the room. She immediately began to think about how stupid and embarrassing she looked. Included in that thought process was a promise. She promised she would never let that happen again.

While it seems that was a past event and she should have gotten over it, she, like others, did not. The fear of looking bad by giving wrong answer plagued her personal and professional life. On the one hand, she chose to be a criminal attorney. In that profession, the need to be right works in her favor. If you're an alleged criminal in need of legal representation, she is a great lawyer to hire. She will fight like an alley cat to be right for you. She wins most of her cases. When she loses, she is devastated.

On the other hand, as a boss, she manages her people almost like a samurai, in that her words are like a sword that beheads people. She has her own practice with several attorneys and support staff. And she fights her subordinates to be right, even if she isn't. Worse yet, she has not been able to successfully hire men.

Without question, the fear of experiencing being wrong affected her romantic relationships. She fights her significant other like an attorney in the courtroom. As you can imagine, those relationships don't last long.

Over and over again, I have seen people make choices and sabotage great ambitions because they did not want to experience or relive an event that happened when they were five. Because people believe becoming an adult exempts them from childhood trauma, they don't know that they don't know they are being affected by a situation that happened around five years old - for some it could have happened anywhere between four and eight. This is probably true for every human on the planet.

Anything that vaguely reminds us of the five-year-old experience will push us back into that mindset. Because you have had that mindset since a young age, it seems like it is part of your personality. It is not. If anything, it becomes part of your identity and the lens through which you see yourself and the world. Because that lens shapes reality, the person is blind to the fact they are responding to an incident from the past. That becomes a blind spot or self-imposed barrier. In Paula's case, that blind spot shaped career choices as well as marital status. To undo the five year old in you, you will have to reverse engineer your identity. That way it becomes self-discovery. Once you discover it, you can do something about it.

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New Year's Resolutions: Mistakes To Avoid + Be Successful

Most people look at the beginning of the year as a chance to change their lives,

However, I have seen that at least 50% of those who establish New Year's Resolutions or Big Goals for the New Year fail.

Reasons are that people are putting so much pressure on themselves to make New Year's Resolutions. or believe their lives will change at the stroke of midnight. Such extreme pressure sets your up for failing. Most people are in a fog from the holidays on January 1st that they don't even think about starting because they are tired or stressed.

For example, I had a client who for a couple years in a row said he was going to stop smoking for the New Year. He never did because he really felt pressure and in his heart really did not want to stop. This is so common to make such grand choices because people feel they are expected to make choices such as losing weight, stop smoking or other

habits that they really don't think about much the rest of the year.

How you can increase the likelihood of keeping a resolution or a new habit?

Whether is a New Year's Resolution or setting goals, people are more likely to success if they just take the time at the end of the year or when they are goal-setting to reflect. People should reflect on the past year or recent month to get a baseline or reference point on what they have been doing with their life and where they are at right now.

Asking 'heart-felt: questions are the key.

You must reflect before you make your choices.

1. Write down what you have done this last year.

Do these for different areas of your life such as work, relationships and self (self-care).

2. Ask yourself: What is missing in my life?

What have I not done yet?

3. Ask Yourself: What would I most likely to have in my life right now?

Image or picture what you most want in your life.

How would I feel in the next few years if I have not pursued my dreams and goals?

Don't be upset if you have negative thoughts or reactions, let 'inspirational dissatisfaction' motivate you.

The likelihood of making goals and developing a new habit are based on the questions what must be asked before goal setting. If you do not take the time to ask yourself these questions you are just shooting arrows in the dark at a target.

4. Goals:

After these questions then you are ready to make 2 to 4 goals.

Keep these tips in mind when you make your goals. To begin building new habits that support your goals or just wanting to make a change inhabits I suggest:

1. Start with small gradual moves or steps.

For example. if you want a new career or skills don't quit your job to go back full-time to school, take one course for a start and see if you like it. Break the goal down to tangible parts.

2. Break free of excuses

What may sound as valid reason for not working on your goals and new habits are really 'agony anchors' that hold you back. These are feelings of fear of change.

I hear from clients that they are 'too busy', 'I had no time this week' and other self-pity statements. This is never empowering. I have clients get a calendar or put in the cell phone calendar the day or evening they will work on their new goals and habits.

Example: If it is to go to the gym, schedule it in your calendar. Pre-plan and make this appointment with yourself. I am amazed how crowded my gym is in January and have many people stop going by Feb, because they have allowed many 'distractions" in their lives. Yes, things pop-up. If and when they do, immediately re-schedule your calendar when you will attend.

3. Don't share your goals or some of them with people who will act critical. Only tell those who will encourage and support you.

To become happier and more confident -- avoid emotional vampires. Unhappy people allow "emotional vampires" to suck their positive feelings right out of their skulls. Emotional vampires include people who put you down, criticize or mock you, or sabotage your dreams and aspirations. Never let snipers or negative people shoot holes in your boat. These types of people drain the life out of you.

Take survey of your life by making a list of people and situations you expose yourself to. Then, discard or limit people, habits or situations that keep you from feeling optimistic and happy. In other words, 'burn your bridges' if needed.

Example: I had a young client in her early 30's who wanted to train to run a half-marathon. She was very excited. She told her mother what she was planning to do and her mother looked at her and said, "you can't do that... " She was upset and learned very quickly this principle of enlisting those who are only positive and supportive.

Follow these tips and you will not only be successful in the New Year, you will feel happier and optimistic.

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Are You the Architect of Your Own Mind?

Food does indeed play a huge part, cause I have 6 meals a day on a good day when I have the luxury of time to be more productive towards my personal well-being. I constantly stress the importance of eating well because we feel good when we are kind to our body and provide it with the necessary nourishment it wants and we can in return function well when we have sufficient energy and vitality to carry us through our day-to-day activities.

When you love your body, it will reward you and love you back. It's going to send you good energy levels and signals to your brain and that is what the whole body & mind connection is about. It is not rocket science with some complex formula to produce good results and you don't have to wait till you achieve nirvana through meditation to attain it. Just watch out for subtle signs it will give out to you and don't ignore them.

Keep an open mind to try everything at your own will, but don't force it down your throat if you don't feel good doing it. Do you go to a buffet and go straight for that same appetizer that smelt strange but aroused your curiosity enough to pick it up to try, but then it was so repulsive you almost threw up and today, you come back to the same place, would you tell yourself, "I'm absolutely going to have more of that today! And maybe if I eat it enough times, I will grow to love it!"

Well it sounds silly right? But remotely familiar? Because more often than not, we do it. We eat it cause someone else is eating it and the whole world seems to be eating it, so you eat it too.

Here's a very simple analogy why we can't possibly begin to fit through that same cookie cutter. Say you hand 2 or rather,10 people, from all different backgrounds the exact same ingredients with the exact same recipe written in black & white on paper with specific detailed instructions to bake a sophisticated 6 layered red velvet cake.

At the end of the hour, you will have 10 different cakes that differ in size, taste, smell, added too much cream cheese, too little frosting, the sponge too dense or too thin.Why? Because two person will never have the exact same experience, same attitude, same meticulousness, same eye for detail, same mindset and focus or even simply having the same level of interest or passion to do it. That is why we all individually and separately produce very different results eating the same diet.

There are only two main key ingredients to put in anything whether it's your soup or your cake or your life 1) Focus 2) Concentration. Without these two ingredients, we are basically just going through life choices on default letting our thoughts think us, rather than thinking our thoughts. If we build a strong belief system with our own innate guidance system of trial and errors, we will thrive in the harshest of conditions.

It's not what you do, but how you do it. It's the exact same concept that applies with your food. You only receive the full benefits of any ingredients if you align yourself mentally and emotionally. If not, it's just causing a whole range of mixed signals to your body and you just find the diet less and less effective with time no matter what amazing diet meal plans or fads you have discovered because you've primed it to associate with negative words you see on an article the following week or advice from other well-meaning people the following day and your own system takes the hit and you start from point zero again. Because there is no foundation underneath when you don't make choices built upon your own system.

While it does help to quiet your mind and clear your head with meditation, you probably only need a good 15-20 minutes at the start or end of the day to release any resistance you have with stuff that "bugged you". Let it go. It is ultimately about increasing your awareness and listening to what your body wants and you will naturally gravitate towards the healthier choices when you keep yourself in a good state of mind.

We feel good when our minds are clear and our body is pain-free. It's just as simple as that. We choose what we choose because we want to feel good. While the expression you hear so often, "you are what you eat" is true, "you are what you think about" too. The most toxic ingredient you can ever let invade your cells are your negative, poisonous, thoughts and it is the culprit of dis-eases in your body.

Haven't you wondered why the first thing we lose is always our appetite, when we are sick or feeling down? It is because our gut is our second brain and that's what that "gut feeling" comes about and food plays such a huge role in our "gut" that we can't separate from it without having some form of emotional trigger or re-percussion. We could either have a positive happy "gut feeling" or a "sick to the stomach" (unpleasant) reaction.

Because food is something that triggers the most pain OR pleasure in someone's mind and thoughts whether someone is struggling with weight issues or dis-eases in the body. Fundamentally, eating is one of the action you use up ALL of your senses which is very powerful emotionally, so you could very easily tip either way. To feel thoroughly pleased or otherwise. That's why it can be potentially destructive and devastating when people struggle with self-image of their physical body.

So just be easy on yourself, just try all foods and stick to the ones that produces good results for yourself and stick to it, have more of it and enjoy it.That's why we have good & "bad" bacteria in our stomach and neither can survive without the other or function well.

Even if you have the occasional "junk food" our body is an intelligent system and it will find a way to fight it out among themselves inside. It's all about balance at the end of the day.

No amount of organic food can cure a "sick brain" that produces counter-active results. But we can much easily cure a "dis-eased body" with a healthy mindset. But maintaining a healthy mind is a much trickier task than grooming our physical body. That's why we practice every day. To build a stronger, better minds for ourselves.

Do whatever it takes. As long as it requires your attention, it will teach you focus and concentration and very soon you can hold your thought through and through and the peanut gallery will simply just fade out to a background. Everything else not within your frequency will bounce out of your experience.

When you take care of the mind, the body and everything else in life takes care of itself.

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A Path to the Self - Three Ways to Claim Your Personal Power

The true purpose of power is to transform yourself and your world. A sense of empowerment renews your life purpose. Shame is the demon. It takes away your joy. The healing process involves letting go of shame that who you are and what you do is not good enough.

As a society, we have been raised into obedience and trained for cooperation. We think of power as "power over," based on struggle and opposition. We have lost the sense of our own divine nature and personal power. To change our concept of power, we need to move away from struggle and toward transformation. We must move toward a power that inspires and strengthens us without diminishing others.

Accept yourself as a unique individual and take responsibility for your life.

Before you can engage with the world, you must have a clear sense of yourself as a separate individual. You are willing to be unique and risk disapproval for the integrity of your own truth. To claim your personal power, you must first be your true self. By blaming others you remain passive and irresponsible. Personal autonomy requires that you let go of blame and accept responsibility for your life.

You cannot create change in yourself and the world unless you accept yourself for who you really are. Otherwise you remain trapped in the expectations that society and others have for you. To be a unique individual you must overcome unconscious habits that define you. You must take responsibility for your life and truly claim your personal power. In the process of becoming your own person, you allow the unfolding of your unique journey on Earth.

Look within to know what you really want and need.

Determining the course of your life requires a strong will. You must pay conscious attention to your desires and their expression in the world. The desires of your heart provide fuel for your will. They give it strength and direction. You act with clear intention and not only from whim. You move steadily toward your future and make choices that honor who you really are. You align with your true Self and release your personal power.

During quiet time alone you make contact with your true Self. You discover the longings of your heart. You know your deepest thoughts and feelings. In the midst of life's busyness, quiet time alone may seem an impossible goal. But solitude is not a luxury. It is essential for your well-being. You pay an enormous price for ignoring your inner needs. Desires come from deep within. By following them you access the power of your inner Genius.

Use your mistakes to grow and develop a sense of personal power.

To be thankful for the gift of each new day requires self-esteem. You are willing to meet daily challenges with a sense of trust in yourself. You face life's uncertainties and accept that mistakes will happen along the way. You learn that it is not the mistake but how you respond that matters. Mistakes help you grow in confidence and develop your sense of personal power.

As your power grows, you are able to change and transform yourself. Power exists to help you become who you really are. It is a process not a thing. It allows you to escape the narrow limitations you place on yourself. You transition from past to future. Power expresses the presence of the divine within you. As your power grows, you find your own unique path and create a joyful life experience.

Having a healthy sense of power allows you to approach life with vitality, joy and confidence. You choose a plan of action and move forward to accomplish your goals. Each moment is full of possibilities until you make a choice. Having a life vision guides you in making wise choices. It serves as a catalyst for change. It helps you stay focused on what matters the most to you. You become the powerful creator of a happier, more purposeful life.

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