The Addictive Personality Part Three

Deep down inside people with addictions know that what they are doing is wrong. They know that their behaviors, choices, and actions are hurting them and their loved ones. But the need to feed their addiction supersedes everything else in their life.

To perpetuate their addiction they must deny that the substance, compulsion, or habit has anything to do with what is going wrong around them. That is why they become very defensive when confronted with their behavior. There are a variety of defense mechanisms used by those with active addictions.

Denial

Denial is a defense mechanism in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true. The ability to deny that he or she has such a strong emotional attachment to his or her addiction of choice is largely what enables an addict to continue the addiction despite overwhelming evidence. The more severe the problem, the more denial there usually is.

Repression

Repression is the conscious mechanism those with addictions use to completely tune out the fact that they have a problem. They simply stop acknowledging the addiction to themselves and others.

Minimizing

With minimizing, those with addictions will acknowledge that something is wrong but not want to make a big deal out of it. When confronted by others they rationalize that others are placing too much emphasis on the problem; that it's not nearly as bad as others are making it out to be.

Toxic Shame

Toxic shame is used by those with addictions to avoid taking responsibility for their problem. They see themselves as flawed and never measuring up; like their whole life has been a mistake. They believe they are victims of their past. Because they feel defective, they seek something that will make them feel better, but it is a hole they can never fill.

Blaming and Shifting Blame

Blaming is similar to toxic shame in that those with addictions avoid taking responsibility for the problem. They may accept some of the responsibility for their problem but believe that others are more to blame for it. They may act like victims, shifting the blame for their addiction onto the situation they are in or the people they are with. They don't look at how they contribute to the problem. This gives them a sense of entitlement to use their substance since they are not to blame for doing it.

Rationalizing

Rationalization is used to explain away the consequences of their addictive behavior or choices. They rationalize that whatever happened would have happened regardless of their addiction. For example: The factors that led to the car accident would have caused it to happen whether he or she was intoxicated or not.

Deflection

When confronted about their addiction addicts may use deflection to take the focus off of themselves. They do this by bringing up the other person's shortcomings, similar activities that the person may partake in, or behavior the person may have exhibited in the past. For example, alcoholics might remind people that they have no room to criticize their drinking because they drink too.

Normalizing

Wanting to feel normal, since they feel so shameful for their behavior, they surround themselves with others who abuse the same substance and have the same level of addiction.

Grandiosity

Most people with addictions suffer from low-self-esteem. Aware and shameful that they are messing up their lives, they use "Grandiosity," the unrealistic inflation of their sense of self, as a defense mechanism to hide their feelings of vulnerability and low of self-worth. They may have low self-esteem yet still believe they are better than other people.

Compartmentalizing

By compartmentalizing their addiction they are able to display the behaviors expected of them for windows of time. This fools them and others into thinking that they have control over their lives.

Controlling

Those with addictions try to control everything and everyone around them, believing it will get them what they want. When others don't cooperate they become even more controlling. It is delusional; they believe that what they are doing is going to work even though it rarely does.

Undoing

People with addictions will demonstrate destructive behavior and then try to "undo" it by apologizing, offering gifts, or promising that they'll never do it again. They do this to distract others from the real problem; from the fact that they have an addiction.

If you recognize signs of an addictive personality in yourself there are steps you can take to prevent it from spiraling out of control.

1. You must admit that there is a problem. Take responsibility for your thoughts and actions. Be honest and objective in your assessment of it. Surround yourself with a good support system.
2. Learn to face your feelings whether good or bad. Don't put them on the back burner, stuff them inside, ignore them, or medicate them. Allow yourself to experience whatever emotions come up.
3. Arm yourself with knowledge; research your problem so you will not have to fear it.
4. If you can discontinue the addictive behavior without needing medical intervention, begin weaning yourself off of it. Cigarette smoking and overeating both fall into this category. If you are addicted to a substance such as drugs or alcohol, get professional help immediately. You cannot stop these habits without medical supervision.
5. Join a support group with people who share your particular addiction. It helps to know that you are not the only one dealing with it. If you would like to try attending a twelve-step meeting, find out where and when they meet in your area. There are 12-step support groups for every kind of addiction imaginable. To find one search "List of Twelve Step Programs."

Be kind to yourself. Replace negative or destructive behaviors with positive ones. Set goals and reward yourself for reaching them. Find healthy ways to be happy whatever they may be. Take a class in a hobby or something that interests you. Surround yourself with positive people; weed toxic people out of your life. Learn how to reduce stress in your life in ways that are beneficial to your overall well-being. Learn how to meditate. Take long relaxing baths. Take a yoga class or learn how to practice it on your own. Take walks. Go to the gym.

If you want to head in the right direction, all you have to do is keep walking forward.

Learn the steps you can take to prevent your addiction from spiraling out of control.

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The Benefits of Being Self Motivated in All Undertakings

Taking responsibility for your own success is the best and only shortcut to success. Therefore, you should know that you are who you want to be and the limit is just within your definition. So what does this mean? It means that individuals need to be self-motivated when pursuing a destiny in their life. The inspiration to wake up every morning and do what you are supposed to be doing should come from yourself and not forced on you by someone else. It is intrinsic, not extrinsic. Everyone knows what, they want and therefore you only can drive yourself to success. Here are some of the advantages of having intrinsic motivation.

You Will Not Find Any Possible Barriers

When a person is self-motivated, there is nothing like impossible since the person will work on anything that looks like a barrier and eventually make it to the other side. On the contrary, when the force is coming from someone other external force not related to the individual, it is very easy to give up and therefore the goal is not achieved. The driving force first is usually from an external source, and therefore you just work under supervision. When this person or source of power is not present, you just give up when you are faced with a barrier. This is not the right way of going by the things you have to do so as to get to the destination. Therefore, individuals should learn to be self-motivated so as to hit the targets easily.

You Value the Goal and So You Are Going for It

People will have intrinsic driving force when they value the goal. When you know what exactly it is that you want, you will ultimately go for the goal, and this is because it impacts your life directly. In short, the motivation is based on the satisfaction offered by the goal that you have set. On the contrary, when the goal benefits the other parties, (because you see it that way) it then becomes very hard to keep going.

This is sometimes the case in a workplace where the staff might see there is no need of burning midnight oil, yet the job you are doing is benefitting someone else, and your salary is just fixed. This is also the reason why some companies pay sales staff based on commission so that they can stretch themselves to the limit.

You Will Leave No Stone Unturned

Think of the miners, they will literally dig down the furrow even after exhausting the precious stone that was on the site. When they leave that site, don't be surprised when others come to scope anything that might be left there. When a person`s inspiration is coming from the inside, this is usually the case. Therefore you will make sure that you have done all the tasks just to achieve the goal that is in front of you. On the contrary, you will just be waiting for the time to pass so as to leave the office no matter how much work is on the waiting tray.

Intrinsic driving force is the best form of motivation you should have to achieve life goals.

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Reduce Guilt Today Using 3 Top Strategies

Guilt is such an uncomfortable and often "squirmy" feeling. Its discomfort provides great incentive to break free from old patterns, and move ahead with freed-up time and energy.

So here are 3 pointers I find especially helpful when working with my clients who are wrestling with feelings of guilt:

1. Re-frame guilt messages into messages about appropriate responsibility.

When you feel weighed down by your own guilt, or by someone's harsh words, it's wise to carefully explore what's really happening.

"What is truly my responsibility here? If my choices created issues, how can I constructively contribute to improve my end of things?"

Guilt is heavy-handed and reactive. Proactively taking responsibility is even-handed and positive. Which sounds better to you?

Whenever the word "should" creeps into your thoughts, recalibrate your thinking to calmly assess what is truly your responsibility. Your clarity will provide a strong base for your assertiveness.

2. You needn't convince others that you're "not guilty."

Once you decide what your actual area of responsibility is, honor your convictions by letting go of defensiveness. You keep your power in your hands when you clarify that your decisions are based on your assessments, not others'.

Refusing to take on guilt-trips rebalances relationships along more realistic lines. When you challenge "you owe me" attitudes, you may also discover mistaken assumptions of your own.

The clarity you achieve can lay the groundwork for more open-handed interactions. Why not take advantage of this opportunity to update relationships that may have become stiff or stale?

3. You are not responsible for others' responses to your choices.

Are you tempted to feel guilty, argue or apologize if others express strong anger or disappointment with your decision? They may feel that you are responsible for their letdown, and attempt to punish you for not giving in to their demands.

Ground yourself in reality.

Once you take appropriate responsibility, you owe nothing more. Others needn't agree with you or be happy with your decision. Simply stand firm on the issue in question, and remain as neutral and accessible as possible.

Accept that it may take time for others to stop trying to make you feel guilty. Remember, silent self-affirmations are an effective antidote to feelings of guilt.

Eleanor Roosevelt declared,

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Remember, no one can make you feel guilty without your permission, either.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Reduce-Guilt-Today-Using-3-Top-Strategies&id=10010387

Action Taker or Excuse Maker?

There's been a theme to my past week, and it has forced me to answer this question - Am I an action taker or an excuse maker?

I always thought I leaned more towards the action side because I read books on personal development. I listen to audio recordings. I go to seminars however I've realised, I actually don't take as much action as I thought I do. I hear the phrase 'knowledge is power' banded about but in my opinion, the phrase should be 'knowledge is potential power'. It becomes powerful when you use it, otherwise it's just stuff in your head.

Get out of the comfort zone

I've also realised the most dangerous place you can be is when you are comfortable. People only take action because of one of two reasons - inspiration or desperation. When I say comfortable, I'm referring to people who make just enough to cover bills and able to afford the occasional treat. That's comfort! The ones that want a better life but because they 'get by' there is no urgency to have to change. The danger here is, these are the same people who, if circumstances were to change and were to lose their job, would be one pay cheque away from desperation. In turn forcing change.

Of all the people I have spoken to that are making a success of their life or now financially free, 95% are so through desperation. They hit rock bottom and were forced to take action, and because they did so their lives are so much richer for it. So when you think nothing is going your way, just look at it as a bigger force guiding you in the right direction. Because once you hit the bottom, there is only one way you can go, and that is up! Sometimes, you've got to clear out the old before building the new.

Taking Responsibility

I use to blame others if I couldn't do something, or something didn't go my way. He made me late, She forgot to bring it. I've realised I need to just get on with it, I can't blame someone else if I'm unable to go to an event because they didn't come with me. I can't blame my partner for making me late because he didn't get up early enough. If I want to be on time, I'll leave first. This is taking responsibility for my own actions.

You cannot rely on someone else to do it for you. You are responsible for your own life. It's not the government, your parents, or even your spouse. You need to take full responsibility. Until then you will continue to be part of this culture of blame we live in. When you get to a place where there is little outside influence, it won't matter too much, how much money your partner is making, the state of the economy or which party is in power. You will be in a position where you know you will be OK.

How much do you want it?

Realise there is a big difference between I am going to do something and getting something done. It makes me chuckle when I hear people asking for help or advice, and when that advice is given, their answer will immediately be, 'I can't do that because... ' 'I don't have the time... ' 'I can't afford it... ' why ask in the first place? Believe me I have learnt when you really want something bad enough, you will make the time, you will find the finances and you will find a way. You just don't want it enough. You're an excuse maker! Instead of thinking up ways why you can't do something, think of ways how.

No Excuses

I was at an event not too long ago and at the end there was an option to purchase a course. I didn't have to think twice, I had gained so much information in the 2 hours I had just sat through, it was a no brainer for me. The people that didn't want the course left. However as I'm speaking to one of the organisers, I can overhear a lady next to me talking to another member of the team. She was explaining how much she wanted to attend the course, but reasons why she could not! Why did she feel the need to do this? She could have just left. It was as though she had to justify to herself, by saying it out loud! We have become experts in convincing ourselves why we can't do something that will get us what we want!

Take Action

I've heard many successful and inspirational people speak on stage and they all say the same thing - there is nothing special about them. The only difference is, they had a belief and they took action.

If you look back on the last year, 5 years, 10 years of your life, how much of that has changed and changed you? How much of that has gone in the direction you wanted it to go? Now if you continue doing what you are doing today, how much of your life is going to change in the next year to 10 years? Think about it. Every decision you make, every action you do or don't take is either bringing you closer to where you want to be or taking you further away. I know I want a big change and so I'm going to stop making excuses, from today I'm going to be more of an action taker.

Happiness is the ultimate goal in being successful. Life is precious, strive to create and live the life you choose.

Create your day, namaste.

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Taking 100% Responsibility (By Mandy Buchanan)

A couple of years ago I read Jack Canfield's "Success Principles" book and the first principle he mentioned was taking responsibility. Now at the time I was just busy working through an abusive relationship where a lot of people may have told me "It's not your fault", "you did nothing wrong" and yes there were lots of things I was not responsible for - I was the one being abused not the abuser; but one thing I realized through reading this book is that unless we take responsibility for our lives and our actions, no matter what the circumstances then we will always be the victim and never get where we want to go in life.

Taking Responsibility No Matter What

Now, you may have been through a similar relationship as me, you might even be in it right now and you say "it wasn't my fault he hit me", "it wasn't my fault he tried to kill me", and no these things weren't your fault but you do need to take responsibility for getting into the relationship in the first place, for choosing to stay with them despite the abuse, and you need to take responsibility for getting out of the situation and getting healed. I know, I've been there and today I really am out of it and a happy and healthy person who feels like those things almost happened to somebody else because I chose to take responsibility no matter what and turn my life around. No matter what you are going through you have to take responsibility for your decisions and your actions or inaction or you will forever be the victim.

Taking Responsibility for Your Success

Perhaps you have led a fairly 'normal' life - no abuse, no dramatic negative events but are you still taking responsibility for your success? Beyond taking responsibility for turning around negative circumstances and getting healing we all need to take responsibility for our own success. Our success is based on our actions, inactions, and even our thoughts. We can't blame anyone else if things don't turn out the way we planned. We need to take responsibility for our part in our success. Even when things do go wrong beyond our ability to control we still have the responsibility of choosing how we will react to those events and how we react will often ultimately lead to our success or failure. No matter how many times things go wrong beyond our control we still have the choice to get back up and carry on and refuse to quit.

No matter what point you are at in your life unless you take full responsibility for where you are and where you are going then you will not get there. Today I choose to let go of negative things that happened in my past and I choose to make my life what I want it to be. It is my responsibility just like your life is your responsibility, nobody can do it for you. No matter what you have been through life can still be exactly what you want it to be if you are prepared to take responsibility and make the choices that will get you there.

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