Manipulate - Do You Unwittingly Do This? (By Stephen Russell-Lacy)

Do you ever take some one for granted? They will do what you want - so no worries. You may feel okay about this but there may be signs of discontent from the other person - whether this is your spouse or child at home or colleague or subordinate at work. You suspect they may not be quite as happy and friendly as you would like to believe. One possible reason for this state of affairs might be that, without being conscious of this, you have a tendency to manipulate them into doing or thinking what you want: getting them to comply with your desires. There need be no bad intent but nevertheless others can notice in our behaviour what we ourselves are blind to.

Effects when we manipulate others

There are recognisable effects if this is happening. The other person might express doubts about what to think. They might feel distressed if they don't happen to act in accordance with your wishes. Or perhaps they might feel they have little choice but to follow your lead. In extreme cases the cumulative effect of manipulation is for the victim to feel a sense of powerlessness.

Many of these signs were present in the example of Paul and Natalie Hemming. The manipulative behaviour in this case gives something of the flavour of what happens when one partner unreasonably wants to get his own way regardless of the other's preferences. Paul kept promising Natalie they would marry. She bought a dress, told her friends, made excited plans. He even booked a venue - using her mother's money. But three times he called the wedding off.

When their children were baptised, he refused to attend the family gathering. When she got a job at a Mercedes dealership, he said "I'll pay you to stay at home." He also refused to allow Natalie's eldest daughter by a previous relationship to see her father. He got her to allow him access to her mail which he scrutinised together with her bank statements. The effect of all Paul's manipulation and unreasonable behaviour was that Natalie left him.

What it means to manipulate someone

It is part of normal life to trade and exchange favours. And so in most relationships both partners may try to influence the other to some extent. This doesn't necessarily mean manipulation. To actually manipulate the other person, one uses underhand and insidious pressure often of a subtle nature. This seems to come naturally to many of us even when young.

"Anybody that lives in America and has parents with a moderate amount of wealth can be spoiled. I see it every day - kids who are just running their parents over to get what they want because kids are smart, and they know they can manipulate their parents." (Wyatt Russell, American actor)

No one act of manipulation of itself can be seen as bad. I would say that it is only when one considers the pattern of behaviour that one realizes what is really going on.

Some people can recognise their desire to manipulate others and try to stop.

"I tried to manipulate and control people, and I harbored resentment. I wanted to be forgiven, but I wouldn't forgive others." (Lauryn Hill, American singer-songwriter)

Ways we use to manipulate others

To avoid the tendency to manipulate someone you may want to watch out in case you are conducting yourself in one or more of the following ways:

1. Unfairly expecting something of the other person and constantly expressing what to them is an unreasonable demand. It might be for example asking a worker that he or she work unpaid overtime.
2. Implying threats for example of showing a spouse up in front of others
3. Being judgmental by unfairly accusing the other person of having, for example, a selfish or uncaring attitude.
4. Putting the other person down. This can be very subtle such as a fierce look or glance, unpleasant tone of voice, rhetorical comments, or subtle sarcasm.
5. Deceiving the other person by making false claims for example that an insult was only a joke.
6. Punishing their behaviour you don't want by nagging, crying, giving 'the silent treatment', making explosive angry outbursts or yelling to get compliance.

Some of these points are discussed further by Harriet Braiker, in her book Who's Pulling Your Strings? How to Break The Cycle of Manipulation.

Self-orientation as a cause of manipulation

Do most of us really try to manipulate other people to get our own way? Even just from time to time and not being obvious about it? One consideration is the theory that we each have a natural tendency towards self-orientation. An inclination that can result in selfishness.

Just as well you might say, for how else can we survive in this competitive world? However, the usual spiritual perspective is to bear in mind the needs of others: not prioritising self but balancing one's own wants with those of others. Perhaps we might ask ourselves this question. Is there a danger in making self-orientation the chief of our motives. In other words having a self-concern that is over and above consideration for the rights of others?

It seems to follow that when self-orientation rules then we always want to get our own way, to win the argument and be seen to be in the right, to feel superior to others and dominate them. Is such an attitude not shown by wanting to manipulate someone so we gain control for the sake of self-interest?

The bad news is that being manipulative can only result in poor personal relationships. This means we would miss out on the chance of a union of mutual respect and care.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Manipulate---Do-You-Unwittingly-Do-This?&id=9810183

Becoming Your Desires (By Kathy Wilson)

A while back I attended a workshop/retreat entitled "Let's Manifest". The information and exercises we were guided through were by far the most effective I've experienced of all the manifesting workshops and seminars I've experienced.

What made it different and more powerful was this one concept: Before you can manifest or create what you want to have in your life, you must become the person who already has it.

This is called "modeling" in some schools of life betterment. As you become that person who already has what you want, your vibration shifts to align with your desire. And, as The Law of Attraction demonstrates, those things of like frequency are magnetized to each other.

I'm here to tell you modeling is not always an easy accomplishment. Most of us don't have a clue about who already has what we want, let alone what that person is like. I'm in that group, and not the group of people who know who their model is and also knows all about them.

So after thinking about my model person until I gave myself a headache, I finally realized that my model didn't have to be a real person. That one fact made the project easier because most of the people I wanted to use as a model all had some trait or belief that I found was contrary to one of my own. This one detail then colored how I viewed all their other actions, beliefs, and values that I wanted to emulate... and usually not to the plus side.

That little obstacle handled, the next hurdle was to create my model so I'd have a guide. This was easier, since the method I came up with is something I'm very adept at - asking questions.

If you'd like to try this very powerful technique to manifest your ideal life - or any part of your ideal life - here are some of my questions that you, too, can use. They may spark new questions as you use them or you may wish to change them somehow. Well, you go right ahead. After all, this is about creating your desires, and this creation is unlimited. (This list is in the feminine so if your model is a male, of course you'll want to change the questions to reflect that.)

• Who is this person that has what I want?
• Is this person real or is she my creation?
• What are her top five core life values?
• How does she prioritize when she makes choices?
• What kinds of groups does she belong to... or does she belong to no groups?
• What are her friends like?
• What gives her delight? Makes her cry? Drives her to anger?
• How did she get what she wants?
• When she had setbacks, what did she do?

As you continue to get to know or to create your model of the one who already has what you so desire, more questions will no doubt arise. The more details you have, the easier it will be for you to know what you need to do in order to become the person who already has what you want.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Becoming-Your-Desires&id=9613770

How Does The Law Of Attraction Work In Relationships?

Using the Law of Attraction for love and relationships works whether you believe it will or not.

Many people describe the law of attraction as the process by which thoughts become things. But mostly the process has more to do with energy dynamics. It's about becoming conscious of your internal state, attuning to your own energy to that, and using the connection to create your reality.

When using the law of attraction in relationships, you have to stop focusing on what your love life or relationships are like now.

If you think that you'll never find love, the law of attraction will bring you more instances where you don't have love.

Don't look at your relationship as it is now, but visualize it and mentally picture how you want it to be.Live as if it already is reality.

You can do various things to try to improve your relationship, but if they are carried out when you feel frustrated, angry, sad, or disappointed, you will not send the right type of vibration to attract improvement. You will send the vibration of frustration, anger, sadness, or disappointment.

When you use the Law of Attraction to fulfill your desires, you need to match your vibration with the frequency that you want to receive. Therefore, if you want your partner to be understanding and thoughtful, You need to be understanding and thoughtful. That's why your Frequency Is Important.

You can use attraction to turn things around and enhance your relationship. The best way to begin is to do the opposite of what you are probably doing right now that is not working. Don't pay attention to what your partner is doing that you dislike. Instead, focus intently on what you do like and what is going well between you.

Turning things around is very helpful.

Couples start their relationships thinking positive, optimistic thoughts that are forgiving and kind toward each other. Later, expectations and responsibilities enter their union and baggage accumulates. When it does, negative thoughts creep into the picture and people send negative vibrations to one another. As a result, they attract unhappiness.

Your emotions stem from your thoughts, which influence your perception regarding your relationship.

The process of manifesting gets easier with time and practice.

Attraction can bring you and your partner together. All you need to do in order to make your relationship work is to focus on joy and connectedness.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Does-The-Law-Of-Attraction-Work-In-Relationships?&id=9449046

Staying Firm With Your Life Goals

Be Serious About Your Goals

Life is not a game. And you don't have time to waste.

If you want to succeed in life you have to take your life seriously. Most of you walk around in life dabbling without a purpose, without a focus, just walking aimlessly in life. This is not you, so stop doing that.

You are different.

The reason you are reading this article is because you want a better life for yourself or perhaps want to transform your self, your life, your car, your house, but something in your life you want to change now.

You are convinced that you are ready to change and will do anything in your power and resources to make that happen.

You want things to change; you want things to be better for you because let's face it you're tired of being miserable. You are dissatisfied with something in your life than you find unfair, tiring, boring, stunt-growing and angry.

You want things to change.

I know this is you; the first thing you have to do is stop complaining about your life when you have taken it for a joke.

When you're not living the life you deserve you have to analyze yourself. Perhaps you have taken your life unfavorely. When you look around at yourself you see that you lack focus, purpose and vision of whom you are.

Be Different

But I know one thing about you, this is not you. You want things to change and want things to get better. You are willing to change things around because you're tired of living a circus and you're the clown.

It's time for you to live a prosperous, happy, tranquil life that you truly deserve.

This is you. You have to be ready to make the decision that your life, your desires, your dreams are not a joke anymore.

When you become serious about whom you are and about what you want to accomplish; everyone else will help you and respect you because you're serious about who you are and where you want to be. Earn the respect and recognition you deserve.

Goals are not attracted to clowns, they are attracted to people who have made the decision to achieve the best, be the best and are serious of themselves.

Changing Your Self-Dialogue

In order to be happy, peaceful, persistent or successful in life it's about the self-dialogue you hear or tell yourself. Change it and life will change. Self-dialogues are amazing and effective when you believe in them.

Start with this:

Your dream, your desires, should make you tremble so vividly through your body convincing you that what you're doing in life is your life's purpose. It gives you the certainty you need in life; there should be no room for doubt.

As you journey through your life you must get certainty of what you want; sure of what you need and be sure it belongs to you. You deserve it. This is all that you should tell yourself on a daily basis.

And as you think these thoughts, you have to remind yourself again and again of telling yourself that there is no room in your mind for any negativity such as fear, doubt, quitting. You must not poison your mind.

The only thoughts springing out of your mind should be ideas that will get you where you want to be. You have a dream to achieve, a goal to acquire and a need of changing something in your life. This should be your only sole focus, nothing else.

Remember we do not have time to waste. Life is not a joke anymore. We have to stop wasting our valuable potential energy only in thoughts that will help us grow.

Distinguish Your Self From The Rest

We are different.

You are different. Your thoughts should be too. Only those that accomplish goals in life are those who dare to be different from the rest. They are the one's where fear does not exist in their thoughts because they think different. Their mind has transformed itself differently. Mutated perhaps.

The only way you'll get there is by feeding thoughts, ideas and images that will help you build a big archive of only self-growth ideas.

Ask yourself "What thoughts do you need to help you grow?"

It's one thing. Do not tolerate any longer mediocrity. This is a thought you have to believe and carve in your mind.

What is what thing you have in common with successful people? It's the ability of believing that we deserve better than mediocrity.

Let me explain, you have to train your mind that most successful people out there are enjoying themselves because they have tolerated little, unhappy with some part of their life and decided to do something about it. They decided no longer to tolerate their low paying job because they know it will get them nowhere, they move away from toxic relationships, change their beat-down jalopy. They change themselves.

They changed it. They are the type of people whom don't tolerate mediocrity anymore. This has to be you too.

The reason you're angry at life is not external. This anger is against you for not taking the initiative to do anything about it. You have to be willing to do something some thing, fight for it; do what you must. I mean anything! Do at least some thing even if you look like a fool.

What will motivate you to take action is believing that you are put in this earth to live life at it's fullest.

You must have the thought that you love life.

Things will change.

Motivate yourself to pursue your dreams, your goals, appreciate the opportunities that life is giving you to change. Change will be given to those who decide to love life.

This is you.

When your mind is with different thoughts you will no longer settle for mediocrity. You decided to be different. Do not get comfortable with a poor unbearable life. Change now.

Start today.

When you finally had enough that is when you will change. This is when you will open your eyes, see how much you deserve to live and more. It's the turning point in your life when you realize that you are different, want more out of life and it's time to live that life you deserve. It starts by being a new you; a new beginning.

To finish this off you have to create thoughts and believe in them. You deserve them. Believe in them. You are worth more than you believe. Change your thoughts now and you'll thank yourself later.

Give yourself thoughts and things that will make you happy.

Say to yourself, "I need to give myself those thoughts to make me happy".

http://ezinearticles.com/?Staying-Firm-With-Your-Life-Goals&id=9401660

A Path to the Self - Three Ways to Claim Your Personal Power

The true purpose of power is to transform yourself and your world. A sense of empowerment renews your life purpose. Shame is the demon. It takes away your joy. The healing process involves letting go of shame that who you are and what you do is not good enough.

As a society, we have been raised into obedience and trained for cooperation. We think of power as "power over," based on struggle and opposition. We have lost the sense of our own divine nature and personal power. To change our concept of power, we need to move away from struggle and toward transformation. We must move toward a power that inspires and strengthens us without diminishing others.

Accept yourself as a unique individual and take responsibility for your life.

Before you can engage with the world, you must have a clear sense of yourself as a separate individual. You are willing to be unique and risk disapproval for the integrity of your own truth. To claim your personal power, you must first be your true self. By blaming others you remain passive and irresponsible. Personal autonomy requires that you let go of blame and accept responsibility for your life.

You cannot create change in yourself and the world unless you accept yourself for who you really are. Otherwise you remain trapped in the expectations that society and others have for you. To be a unique individual you must overcome unconscious habits that define you. You must take responsibility for your life and truly claim your personal power. In the process of becoming your own person, you allow the unfolding of your unique journey on Earth.

Look within to know what you really want and need.

Determining the course of your life requires a strong will. You must pay conscious attention to your desires and their expression in the world. The desires of your heart provide fuel for your will. They give it strength and direction. You act with clear intention and not only from whim. You move steadily toward your future and make choices that honor who you really are. You align with your true Self and release your personal power.

During quiet time alone you make contact with your true Self. You discover the longings of your heart. You know your deepest thoughts and feelings. In the midst of life's busyness, quiet time alone may seem an impossible goal. But solitude is not a luxury. It is essential for your well-being. You pay an enormous price for ignoring your inner needs. Desires come from deep within. By following them you access the power of your inner Genius.

Use your mistakes to grow and develop a sense of personal power.

To be thankful for the gift of each new day requires self-esteem. You are willing to meet daily challenges with a sense of trust in yourself. You face life's uncertainties and accept that mistakes will happen along the way. You learn that it is not the mistake but how you respond that matters. Mistakes help you grow in confidence and develop your sense of personal power.

As your power grows, you are able to change and transform yourself. Power exists to help you become who you really are. It is a process not a thing. It allows you to escape the narrow limitations you place on yourself. You transition from past to future. Power expresses the presence of the divine within you. As your power grows, you find your own unique path and create a joyful life experience.

Having a healthy sense of power allows you to approach life with vitality, joy and confidence. You choose a plan of action and move forward to accomplish your goals. Each moment is full of possibilities until you make a choice. Having a life vision guides you in making wise choices. It serves as a catalyst for change. It helps you stay focused on what matters the most to you. You become the powerful creator of a happier, more purposeful life.

http://ezinearticles.com/?A-Path-to-the-Self---Three-Ways-to-Claim-Your-Personal-Power&id=9417225