The Voice In Your Head Is Not Who You Really Are - You Are The One Who Observes It

You Are Not Your Thoughts

The biggest lie perpetrated by mankind is the idea that the voice in your head is who you really are.

It's easy to understand why people believe the narrative in their minds because thoughts are real. They come at you every moment of the day and are unrelenting until they wear you down.

To illustrate how much we identify with our thoughts, years ago while meditating, I experienced no thoughts in what was a tiny pocket of time and believed I did not exist.

It was short lived because the experience frightened me to the extent I generated a thought in the next moment to confirm my existence.

This took place within a few seconds, yet it felt like an eternity.

Authors Steven C. Hayes and Spencer Smith explain in Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment how we form a conceptualised self which is difficult to move beyond: "The exciting part about seeing your own conceptualized self as something you hold on to arbitrarily is that truly new narratives may be possible that are, right now, outside of the story currently being told. But it can be frightening to open up to possibilities that go beyond your conceptualized self. If you are not your thoughts, then who are you?"

In this day and age we're inundated with external noise. It has become more difficult than ever to tune it out, yet simultaneously it is taking place within our minds.

Thoughts do not confirm your sense of self as apparent in the earlier quote.

They are transitory and fleeting electrical episodes in the mind. You don't know what you will think next until the thoughts emerge.

Similarly, you may be tired or hungry and notice your thoughts are scattered.

In contrast, when feeling energetic, your thoughts are more positive. This is when people claim they are at their best and indicative of who they are.

I would argue you are not your thoughts at your best nor at your worst.

Who are you then?

You are the receiver and observer of your thoughts. You are the radio receiving and transmitting thoughts, but not the thoughts themselves.

As alluded to in the title, you are the person recognising the experience of the thoughts.

You add context and meaning to what you experience and label it as good or bad judging by how the thought makes you feel. This is not necessarily a bad thing because human beings are meaning-making machines.

It's wired into our genetic disposition to make sense of the world, yet it can also be a double-edged sword if things go wrong.

Thoughts are mostly neutral and have little meaning save for the meaning you add to it.

I enjoy Mary O'Malley's point of view in What's in the Way Is the Way: A Practical Guide for Waking Up to Life in which she writes: "Life created the mind as a tool for manoeuvring through Life, not to be in charge of it. The mind is a wonderful servant, but it is a horrible master. Giving it the task of being in charge of Life has created the world of struggle that most people live in all day long, keeping them cut off from peace and joy."

A Pebble Dropped In The Pond

The greatest victory you can undertake in your personal development is to recognise you are not your thoughts and detach from them. This is difficult to do and requires discipline and self-enquiry.

I have come to respect and pay attention to negative thoughts such as those imbued with: fear, anxiety, anger, etc. by observing them, not responding to them.

This took many years of practice and meditation. Before that, I was constantly dragged down by negative thoughts because I believed the narrative they espoused.

For example, if something unpleasant happened, I experienced negative thoughts that spiralled out of control. They turned into destructive emotional states and soon enough I was caught in a storm of pessimism.

There came a point where I had enough and started meditating in the evening to help me sleep better.

Once I became accustomed to meditating, I started journaling my thoughts and discovered a theme interweaving throughout my thinking process.

I objectively traced the thoughts and examined the underlying mechanism behind them.

For example, if I consumed alcohol and caffeine on particular days, my thoughts were erratic and impulsive.

Similarly, if I consumed a carbohydrate-rich diet high in sugar, I observed the same erratic thoughts.

It wasn't until I switched to whole foods and eliminated caffeine and alcohol from my diet that my erratic thoughts subsided alongside the other work I was doing.

I realise this is an extreme intervention because alcohol, sugar and carbs are key components to a Western diet. Nevertheless, I was prepared to do whatever it took to gain peace of mind.

It's said the mind is likened to a calm pond of water, whereby a thought is a pebble dropped in the pond. The ripple effect of the pebble has an undulating influence on the mind and body.

I'm not suggesting you need to go to the extreme I did. In fact, it took two years of observations and what many nowadays call hacking one's health to notice what worked and what didn't.

During that time I lapsed often, yet it was important to discover how my diet and moods influenced my thoughts.

I embarked on this because I wanted to inhabit my body completely, without a cocktail of chemicals dictating my quality of life.

Sure, I miss foods rich in carbohydrates but the inner peace I gained far outweighs the moments of pleasure carbs offer.

I mention this to highlight how the voice in your head can be influenced by external factors.

If foods and stimulating drinks can influence your thoughts, the voice in your head is not the real you but subject to what you put in your body.

Even Negative Thoughts Are Useful

To gain a better understanding of your thoughts requires becoming self-aware and mindful of your inner world.

Loch Kelly explains this in Shift into Freedom: The Science and Practice of Open-Hearted Awareness: "One of the most important things to learn is how to separate awareness from thinking, and then we can see that thoughts and emotions are not the centre of who we are."

Many people are driven by their unconscious desires and constantly react to their external environment.

They are governed by what takes place outside, it becomes difficult to make sense of what is happening within.

To summarise the plan I undertook to make peace with my thoughts:

1. Journal my thoughts.

2. Be mindful of the foods I consumed.

3. Know how alcohol and caffeine affect me once they are consumed, particularly in the ensuing hours and days.

4. Observe my moods throughout the day while paying attention to external triggers.

5. Be aware when my blood sugar levels drop which depletes glucose to the brain. This can affect thoughts.

It goes without saying: be sensible and do not experiment with yourself if you are depressed or suffer from a mentally diagnosed condition. Seek professional advice and guidance. This is not intended to replace professional treatment, nor do I expect it to be taken as advice.

Thoughts themselves are not the problem.

The voice inside your head is something you can observe and turn the volume down on.

It is unwise to get rid of negative thoughts because they can serve a purpose.

I discovered this through many years of self-enquiry. It requires integrating them into the wholeness of your being rather than try to abolish them completely.

All thoughts have their place in the mind, even negative ones.

The key is to dissociate from negative thoughts and choose empowering ones in their place.

By turning down the volume on negative chatter you allow the authentic self to emerge.

https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Voice-In-Your-Head-Is-Not-Who-You-Really-Are---You-Are-The-One-Who-Observes-It&id=9938200

My Experiments With Regulating The Anger (By Ketan T Bhatt)

On most occasions, the anger is a charged and an emotive expression of either a dislike or a disapproval or both. Such an expression is predominantly in response to a perceived or an actual menace to one's ego and / or self-image. Anger is also defined as a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. In my definition, Mr. Anger is one of the children of Mr. & Mrs. Ego. Besides, Mr. Anger has many siblings & cousins, including Ms. Anxiety, Ms. Jealousy, Mr. Impatience, Ms. Restlessness, Mr. Intolerance, and Mr. Poor Listening. What a large family!

What does anger do? It essentially affects the person at three levels, i.e. emotional, rational, and relational. Whether qualified or unqualified, the anger is the least researched or rather, an ignored ailment that drains the person every time she gets angry.

About 18 months ago, I decided to undertake a series of actions for helping me first control my anger, and then cut it altogether. It was a conscious decision, but I was not clear about what path I would end up taking. I, nevertheless, began with a few small actions and continued increasing the list of 'to-do' and 'not-to-do' items over a period. As the time passed by, I recognized that controlling the thinking process is a powerful weapon to calibrate my temperament and, thereby, check the 'angry' aspect of my nature.

I have presented here a few actions that have yielded noticeable changes in my behaviour over the last few months. I am mindful that I have just initiated the journey and have miles to travel. Some of the actions are regular in nature, while some are event-based.

Slowing down

I understood and admitted that I am a restless person for no rhyme and reason. Therefore, the first action I took was to slow down in all my daily chores. These routines include getting up from the bed, brushing the teeth, sipping the morning tea, reading the newspaper, taking the breakfast & meals, dressing & undressing, driving, walking, typing, speaking, drinking water, and so on. This slowing down has helped me gain deeper understanding of the embedded anxiety or restlessness which actually has no basis.

An addictive morning walk

I have acquired this addiction by design. Now, I make sure to walk at least 4 miles every day morning before 08:30 am. I walk alone because it permits me to insulate from the 'crowd' and connect better with the nature & myself. When I walk alone, I am able to bond with the greenery around, the flowers' fragrance, the chirping of the birds, and the squirrels running around. As a byproduct, I have been able to improve my fitness and stamina. This is also the best time for me to ponder on myself and gear up for the day.

Turning more tolerant

Earlier, I was surely a short-tempered and an intolerant person. My superiors, peers, team members, and family members had shared their opinion on these traits in many instances. Over the last 12 months, I have practiced to be less short-tempered and intolerant. In the old days, if someone had cracked a joke on me, I certainly would have gotten impatient and would have been a little sarcastic on the person who cracked the joke. Now I am able to take it lightly and laugh at myself. The only way to be less short-tempered is to keep the mouth shut when you really want to fire all guns ablaze.

Reliving the childhood

This is one more potent weapon I have discovered. As we all would vouch for, a child does not have a functioning or an explicit ego. A child is innocent and does not bother about what others' think of her. A child by the nature's design wants to play and enjoy the life. Therefore, I have with all 'seriousness', made attempts to awaken the child within. During the morning walk, I dance for a few moments when I feel like, while listening the retro Hindi songs. When I am catching a cricket match on the TV, I clap loudly when my favourite batsman makes a hundred. Reliving childhood in a way has helped me detoxify.

Separating the self from the statement

In our in day-to-day life, we tend to shuffle up the content & the intent. For instance, when my spouse shouts at me for not placing the towel on the right spot, she is upset with one of my behaviours and not with me in totality. If I were to presume that she is upset with me in totality, I surely would have reacted and shouted back as I was doing in the yesteryear. In my earlier corporate assignments, when my bosses had yelled at me for an inadequate delivery, usually they were worried about the outcome of the tasks or projects. It was up to me whether to take their yelling at personal or professional level. I was reading it more personally than professionally. Now, I have become more sombre and learned to separate the intent and the content. I am better able to detach from the situation and decode the logic of what the other person is saying.

Accepting others just as they are

This is one more powerful warhead I have found. I have realized that it is far easier to accept other persons as they are than seeking to change their behaviours. The difficult aspect is to make minor moderations in my behaviours, while accepting others as they are. Nevertheless, these minor behavioural moderations are making me more versatile and down-to-earth. When I accept the other persons as they are, I end up earning their respect and goodwill in the most cases.

Converting reactions into responses

Earlier, I used to be more reactive and less responsive. Now I make concerted efforts to respond by listening intently. This allows me more time to understand. I then realize that, in many situations, there is actually no need for even responding. A reaction by an implied meaning has an inbuilt negativity and can be harmful. On the other hand, the meaning of the term response does not suffer from any such definitional bias.

Closure

Many of you would be post-graduates in the discipline of the Anger Management. I am a beginner, but with a clear idea of the terminus. I am fully mindful that my voyage is a longish one because I have to move beyond the symptomatic changes. I intend to alter my dysfunctional or less functional behavioural patterns into more functional ones. I will complete this journey because I know that when I arrive at the destination, there will be three distinct rewards, i.e. emotional, rational, and relational.

https://ezinearticles.com/?My-Experiments-With-Regulating-The-Anger&id=8629426

Your Feelings Are Important Too!

Many individual mindsets are programmed to sympathize with others suffering unless it is in the extreme by which they may become empathetic.

How many times have you heard the clichéd quote "Do not complain as someone else is living off worse than you" or "Well I have been through worse so you will be fine" or "Find some gratitude as many go without in Africa" etc.

When I hear this approach it breaks my heart because without realizing, that person has completely disregarded the individual's feelings. Naturally our default mode tends to criticise, judge, condemn and worry about the past, the present, the future and events that are not even personally connected to us. By disregarding the individual's feelings this then fuels their default thinking process. It becomes an implanted sentence by which they attack themselves with and lowering what self esteem they have left.

Everyone handles emotions, pains and sees things in different ways, meaning their reaction will differ person to person. Just because you believe you have experienced in your words "darker moments" or "had a harder life" it does not mean that they are not struggling with what they are facing. Again THEY, not you!

We need to stop and listen intently to the sufferer. Not to say dutifully that "it will be fine" as this does not help the sufferer in the present. Saying "its okay" is also not being empathetic but sympathetic. Try to remember your darkest moments. Look for the similarities in the painful emotions triggered and remember the words you wanted to hear.

This is the moment to give love, comfort and give them your time. The moment to share similar experiences so they do not feel alone and even if you do not know say so openly but assure them that you are there for them to lean on.

So today let us focus on being emphatic and stopping the automatic disregard response we do whether intentional or not. Let us offer an open ear, our time and comforting words that you are there by their side. Let them see that what they are feeling and their reaction is completely understandable and they have every right to. From this they can build self love, acceptance and healing.

When we receive sympathetic support we end up disregarding our emotions and instead turn on to ourselves as the enemy and not the sufferer.

Xo Love and Light oX

http://ezinearticles.com/?Your-Feelings-Are-Important-Too!&id=9349398

Your Feelings Are Important Too!

Many individual mindsets are programmed to sympathize with others suffering unless it is in the extreme by which they may become empathetic.

How many times have you heard the clichéd quote "Do not complain as someone else is living off worse than you" or "Well I have been through worse so you will be fine" or "Find some gratitude as many go without in Africa" etc.

When I hear this approach it breaks my heart because without realizing, that person has completely disregarded the individual's feelings. Naturally our default mode tends to criticise, judge, condemn and worry about the past, the present, the future and events that are not even personally connected to us. By disregarding the individual's feelings then fuels their default thinking process. It becomes an implanted sentence by which they attack themselves with and lowering what self esteem they have left.

Everyone handles emotions, pains and sees things in different ways, meaning their reaction will differ person to person. Just because you believe you have experienced in your words "darker moments" or "had a harder life" does not mean that they are not struggling with what they are facing. Again THEY, not you!

We need to stop and listen intently to the sufferer. Not to say dutifully that "it will be fine" as this does not help the sufferer in the present. Saying "its okay" is also not being empathetic but sympathetic. Try to remember your darkest moments. Look for the similarities in the painful emotions triggered and remember the words you wanted to hear.

This is the moment to give love, comfort and give them your time. The moment to share similar experiences so they do not feel alone and even if you do not know, say so openly but assure them that you are there for them to lean on.

So today let us focus on being emphatic and stopping the automatic disregard response we do, whether intentional or not. Let us offer an open ear, our time and comforting words that you are there by their side. Let them see that what they are feeling and their reaction is completely understandable and they have every right to. From this they can build self love, acceptance and healing.

When we receive sympathetic support we end up disregarding our emotions and instead turn on to ourselves as the enemy and not the sufferer.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Your-Feelings-Are-Important-Too!&id=9349398