Message From the Universe: Relationship's Realities

"It's rather easy to let go of the past, once you realize that no matter how differently things might have gone, you still couldn't be loved more than you now are. Nor could you have more to look forward to.

Don't-cha think?

The Universe"

We all went through really bad relationships/marriages in the past that molded our personality in a way you would have never imagined. Many are left with scars that are very difficult to remove, hence, bring their fear of being abandoned into the new relationship. That fear is based on how the previous relationship ended, depends if you were the one who broke their heart or you got yours broken. Staying in a toxic relationship for the sake of doing so, to avoid the stigma of failure, isn't healthy either. With 50% rate of divorce happening in this country, we are all accustomed to meet someone who dealt or is going through this depressing predicament. Divorce is so common that if you meet someone that is first time married for over 20 years, there is DEFINITELY something with that couple.

I am not saying that divorce is imminent in every relationships, and that we are all destined to suffer from that ordeal no matter how hard we work on it, but the reality is that as long as you learn from your past experience and NEVER bring the same unresolved issues in the next relationship, you will learn how to do things better and grow spiritually from it. We all make mistakes, no one is perfect and we should all accept that fact. When two people get together in a relationship, they both bring it their share of insecurities, questions, concerns, issues and always wonder how this new loving partnership can work in synergy. As long as you both are ready to make it happen and to communicate daily to what bothers you or concerns you the most, you will already be ahead among the 7.1 billion of people living on our planet. Communication is key and it is easy to forgo it in the fear of hurting the other person. When this trend continues, the party who want to express themselves because of certain behavioral patterns that are not desirable from the other party in question, the anger and frustration grows until it explodes, and when it does, OUCH, all hell break loose. Let me ask you this? Who is at fault? The person for holding in or the one for not knowing how to change their behavior because of lack of communication? If you are discontent about something, share it with your partner IMMEDIATELY. Do not hold it in. Tell it as it is, yes, it might sting, but that will save you from potential delayed nightmares in the near future.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Relationships-Realities&id=9666210

If You're Not In It For Love

There are all kinds of people in all kinds of places who are in relationships and marriages for all kinds of reasons... other than being in love. Why do we do it? Is it comfortable, honest or acceptable? That depends on your arrangements; there may even be a way to make it easier or more pleasant. What are the top 5 reasons we enter into this kind of arrangement?

1. Security 

2. Loneliness/Companionship 

3. Lack of confidence/Poor Self esteem 

4. Peer pressure /Job Expectations/ Family Pressure 

5. Parenting Assistance

It should come as no surprise that money is the top reason people enter into relationships with someone they are not in love with. There is a large segment of our population who believe that money matters; it makes their world go round. They are willing to trade the magic of love for security.

Loneliness can be unbearable. There are many people who are self-reliant and more than capable of living alone comfortably but cannot tolerate the silence; the daily routine of a life lived alone. They are willing to trade the things they can provide for companionship with someone they are not in love with.

Low self-esteem or the lack of confidence in one's own ability to navigate a life alone is the third reason people enter into a non-loving relationship. The attention and even the friendship of another person are worth the trade as they cease the pursuit to real love and accept what is available. This group feels lucky to have found someone who will stay with them.

Many people are perfectly happy alone and capable of managing financially yet still enter into relationships without any expectation of falling in love because it is expected of them. They are made to feel like they are lacking in some way if they are not 'with' someone. It keeps the naysayers off their back. This group is also compromised of those who become involved in a relationship because it makes them appear more stable in their position at work, leading to promotions.

Single parenting can be tough even if you are financially stable. Many people believe their child will have a better opportunity to be stable and productive under the guidance of two parents. This group becomes involved with a person they believe will complete the family circle, choosing to forego love in the name of good parenting.

All of these are good reasons that are comfortable, honest and acceptable as long as neither person is under any illusion.

When we fall in love with anyone we identify this from pleasurable experiences. The more we have the deeper we fall in love. The more unpleasant experiences we encounter the less likely we are to stay 'in love.' If you have settled for less than love in your relationship you may want to consider building one pleasurable experience after another to strengthen the bond. You may actually find that the unthinkable has happened and you fall in love!

http://ezinearticles.com/?If-Youre-Not-In-It-For-Love&id=9420523

Are We Attracted to People Who Look Like Us?

When looking for love, start by looking in the mirror

Do opposites really attract? Despite what you may have grown up hearing, studies may reflect the opposite—interestingly, especially when it comes to looks.

According to research reported in the July 2010 issue of Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, we are attracted to people who resemble our parents or ourselves.

In one study, subjects were shown pictures of strangers which were preceded by a short glimpse of either their own opposite-sex parent or a stranger. Subjects exposed to a short glimpse of their parent before being exposed to the target picture were more likely to assign higher ratings of attractiveness to the person in the target picture. In a second study, a picture of the stranger was morphed with a picture of themselves or a picture of another stranger. When subjects were asked to rate the portrayed people for attractiveness, they usually picked the people who were an amalgamation of a stranger and themselves. 

As it turns out, then, we are much more likely to fall for someone who looks like us or our opposite-sex parent. This may indicate that our incest taboos are social constructs instituted to prevent people from following their instincts. However, there are other explanations of why we are attracted to people who look like us.

Researchers at the deCODE Genetics company in Reykjavik, reporting in a 2008 issue of Science, found that marriages between third or fourth cousins in Iceland tended to produce more children and grandchildren than those between completely unrelated individuals. The researchers suggest that marrying third and fourth cousins may be optimal for reproduction because this degree of genetic similarity may produce the best gene pool. Sibling and first-cousin couples, were they to mate, could have inbreeding problems, whereas couples genetically far-removed from each other could have genetic incompatibilities. Third- and fourth-cousin couples, though, tend to be genetically compatible while having no serious inbreeding problems.

At first glance, such findings seem to go against the so-called "Westermarck effect," which posits that people who grow up together are disposed not to fall in love with each other after they reach sexual maturity. But the Westermarck effect—based on a series of studies done by Finnish anthropologist Edvard Westermark—actually is consistent with the recent findings—living in close proximity is no doubt the decisive factor for desensitization in terms of sexual attraction, not the degree of the individuals' resemblance.

In fact, the Westermarck effect has been confirmed, in the Israeli kibbutz system of communal living, in which people who grow up together are typically not directly related to each other and do not look alike. And consider how traditional sim pua marriages, mostly dating from pre-modern Taiwan, also confirm Westermarck’s theory: Sim pua means “little daughter in-law." In the system, a female infant is given to a family to be reared as their own daughter. When she grows up, she is to marry a son in that family. But sim pua marriages have produced a low fertility rate, a high divorce rate, frequent adultery, and lack of sexual attraction. In some cases, the son or "daughter-in-law" has refused to marry their destined-for spouse.

So, the degree to which a couple resembles each other could be a defining factor in relationship satisfaction after all. 

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mysteries-love/201505/are-we-attracted-people-who-look-us