Standing Up for Yourself - How to Overcome Manipulation

When you are filled with self-doubt, the tendency is you don't know how to fight for yourself. What's worse is that you can easily be controlled by other persons even if it is against your will.

You need to fight for your right.

Be proud of who you are.

Stand-up for yourself.

Don't let fear hold you back. If you continue to live in a world of cowardice you will never see the beauty of life. Living means taking risks and going beyond your comfort zone. The world is too big to allow yourself to be manipulated by a person. Here's what you got to do...

Know that you have a right

When you negotiate with a manipulative person, you have to be aware that your rights have been trampled on. Always remember that you have the privilege to defend yourself especially if you are not respected as an individual.

Manipulators will rob you of your rights so that they will have dominance over you. It is only "you: who have the power to command your life. Be in charge.

Stop blaming yourself

You are not at fault. Everyone has a weakness and it depends upon you on how you will be able to overcome it. Being able to conquer shortcomings is how we grow stronger as a person. Don't ever think that you are the problem. What becomes wrong is when you let that person continue to manipulate you.

Know how to say "no"

There is nothing wrong with expressing how you feel particularly if it is against your morals. We all have different principles that govern our lives, that is why respect should be given for individual differences. Be firm with your decisions. Keep in mind that saying "no" is simply admitting what you truly feel and you absolutely have the privilege to do so.

Stand your ground

A person can only intimidate you if you let them. Don't show your weakness and show them that you're strong. Take control. For once in your life, live in freedom, release yourself from the constraints of fear.

All these things are easier said than done. But how can you change your situation if you don't start deciding for yourself? If you want to achieve something, take that next step. Respect is something that you have to earn. The moment you fail to acknowledge your right as a person, that is when you lose your individuality. Respect yourself first and everything else will follow.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Standing-Up-for-Yourself---How-to-Overcome-Manipulation&id=9439465

What Drives Master Manipulators

Machiavellians, or "High Machs," are master manipulators. We can all be manipulative at times, but Machiavellians are temperamentally predisposed to use,deceive, and manipulate others. Several studies have identified alexithymia as a key trait associated with Machiavellianism.

Alexithymia is the lack of awareness of one’s own emotions—and those of others.  Alexithymics cannot recognize emotions and consequently cannot describe them.  This leads to a lack of introspection regarding one’s own feelings, as well as the inability to relate to how others feel. 

Alexithymia can manifest in greater or lesser degrees, depending on the individual.  For example, an alexithymic person might have vague feelings of guilt, gratitude, relief, anxiety, excitement, etc., but not be able to respond appropriately because of their inability to understand or attach meaning to those feelings. And such a person would probably be confused by the behavior of others who are reacting to similar feelings.

Alexithymia is probably the reason that Machiavellians focus so much of their mental energy outward—that is, toward manipulating people, situations, and things. The fact that their behavior might be antisocial, unethical, or hurtful is of little consequence, since guilt and empathy are not feelings they recognize as you and I do. If they feel any discomfort,they rationalize: "She had it coming"; “If they’re that stupid, they deserve it."

Feelings are what make us human, as much as our rational abilities. We need both—otherwise every human interaction becomes transactional in nature, based on a cost/benefit or win/lose mentality. Machiavellian master manipulators are determined that the benefits will accrue to them and the losses will accrue to you. 

There is nothing you can do to change a Machiavellian’s lying, scheming, and conniving. You can only try to cope with it or, preferably, get that person out of your life: High Machs will not seek help unless a life crisis forces them to confront the malevolence of their personality and behavior. 

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/machiavellians-gulling-the-rubes/201510/what-drives-master-manipulators

How to Spot a Manipulator

10 ways to ID a pick-up artist, and fend them off.

The “true confessions” of pickup artists that emerge from time to time in the media present stories of seduction from the mundane to the almost unbelievable. Pickup artists come in all shapes and sizes, as do their routines. You might think that you could never fall prey to such individuals' sleazy persuasion tactics because they seem so blatantly false. As a result, you feel confident that you’ll know to resist the next one you might encounter.
A pickup artist is generally interested in having sex in one-night stands or hookups. Researchers who study these short-term pairings tend to focus on their consequences for longer-term mental health (Bersamin, et al., 2014). Those who conduct this research assume that both partners are interested in keeping the relationship as short and as sweet as possible. For example, in the Bersamin, et al. study of casual sex, the research team (of which I was a part) simply asked participants to report on the frequency of their involvement in casual sex. We then correlated these scores with indices of mental health, revealing that casual sex was indeed linked with lower mental health.

Far less frequently studied empirically are the tactics that people use to convince potential partners into getting involved in a hookup —although such strategies feature in countless pickup artists' tell-alls. What makes the pickup artist distinct from other people who might seek casual sex is that the pickup artist tries to manipulate potential partners who themselves actually wish to have more enduring relationships.
In some ways, pickup artists use traditional tactics that fall into the category of persuasion. Whether it’s yourself or a product you’re trying to sell, you rely on methods of persuasion any time you attempt to influence someone else's attitudes. You’re hoping that by influencing someone’s positive attitudes toward the item or person you’re promoting, you’ll change that person’s behavior.
Pickup artists have to influence people who have never met them to like them almost immediately. They rely on general strategies that others use to make a good impression, such as seeming attractive, charming, or successful. Unlike a person truly interested in getting involved in a romantic relationship, though, the pickup artist needs merely to look like someone who’s looking for love.  These qualities—being manipulative, self-centered, and insincere—are exactly those that show up in the personality constellation known as the “dark triad” of psychopathy, Machiavellianism, and narcissism.
University of Western Sydney psychologist Peter Jonason and University of Texas psychologist David Buss (2012) examined the properties of what they called the “short-term mating strategies” that pickup artists employ. They defined these strategies as ones that attempt to engage the other person in sex but to avoid any kind of long-term commitment. To do so, Jonason and Buss point out, the instigator needs to keep a relationship in the “sex zone” and out of the “commitment zone.”
Based on the idea that dark triad traits are especially prominent in pickup artists, Jonason and Buss took a two-stage approach to identifying these individuals' behaviors and personalities. Interestingly, they went into the research assuming that, despite the stereotype, women as well as men could fit the criteria—and in fact, the study included plenty of female pickup artists based on the self-reports the team collected.
In the pilot study that began the project, Jonason and Buss asked 102 participants—all undergraduate students and two-thirds of them female—to describe their experiences with people who had “pursued short-term sexual encounters.” The 71 acts the participants described ranged from abuse (verbal or physical) to avoidance (not returning emails or phone calls). Between these extremes, those who sought to keep their interactions as uninvolved as possible engaged in behaviors such as avoiding non-sexual intimacy (such as hugging), keeping conversations superficial, failing to introduce partners to family and friends, and seeming promiscuous or blatantly announcing that they were only seeking short-term sex.
The short-term mating strategies that the researchers identified in this first phase then became the basis for a rating scale that another group of participants completed in a second study. This time, the sample of nearly 300 students had an almost 50-50 gender split. Participants reported on their own tendency to commit the acts consistent with pickup artists, and answered questions about their attitudes toward casual sex and their self-ratings of how good a mate they believed themselves to be. They also rated themselves on overall personality, as well as the 12-item dark triad (“Dirty Dozen”) scale.
Because subjects rated themselves, it’s possible they tried to present as positive a picture of themselves as possible. Without independent observers rating them as well, we don’t know just how down and dirty they may have actually been. However, a strength of this study was the fact that men and women both provided data. Female pickup artists, it emerged, may be just as intriguing as their male counterparts. Based on the findings, it also appeared that people are not especially shy about admitting to their own pickup artist behaviors.
The 71 acts designed to keep relationships at the short-term, superficial level fell into 2 broad groups:

1. Minimizing the relationship’s escalating to the long-term level.
2. Keeping the relationship sexual rather than emotional. 

To keep the relationship short-term, participants acted in ways to avoid contact, intimacy, and integration with the rest of their lives (i.e. keeping the partner from meeting family and friends). They also occasionally behaved in abusive ways toward the partner, either physical or verbal. To keep the relationship sexual rather than emotional in nature, those who used short-term mating strategies relied on alcohol as an excuse, let their partner know the relationship was strictly sexual, and behaved in ways that let the partner know they had, and would continue to have, interest in other sexual partners.
Male and female pickup artists were equally likely to use the tactics that would keep the relationship from evolving into a one of longer-term intimacy, as well as to seek ways to keep the relationship sexual. However, there were some gender differences: Men were more likely to use violence directed toward their partners, while women were more likely to let a partner know that they were only in the relationship for the sex.
In the all-important personality domain, pickup artists showed specific traits, including antisocial tendencies. As predicted, they were also more likely to be narcissistic. Again, though, male and female pickup artists differed in some aspects of their personality profiles: Women who acted openly promiscuous, for example, were higher in psychopathy. Men high in Machiavellianism were more likely to adopt the tactic of not integrating partners into their lives.
Overall emotional stability also played an important role, but one that differed for men and women: Women who were most likely to engage in keeping the relationship from becoming intimate were also the least emotionally stable. And for women, but not men, self-rated promiscuity was also related to conscientiousness scores.
These results suggest that there are plenty of pickup-artist strategies around, and they’re likely to be used by people with certain personality traits in particular.
To detect the pickup artists in your travels, these checklists based on the research can provide a start:
Telltale behavioral signs

1. Engaging in unkind acts such as verbal or physical abuse intended to drive you away.
2. Avoiding physical intimacy other than sexual.
3. Being unwilling to introduce you to the important people in their lives.
4. Openly flirting with others in front of you.
5. Being unavailable and non-responsive to attempts to maintain or establish contact.

 Telltale psychological signs

1. (for men) Seeming to care only about what you can do for them, not how they can help you.
2. (for women) Being late, sloppy, careless, and unconcerned about meeting other people’s expectations.
3. (for women) Seeming unstable, worried, anxious, and insecure.
4. (for both) Being highly preoccupied with their own appearance, showing undue self-centeredness, and expressing feelings of entitlement.
5. (for both) Showing lack of regard for other people’s feelings, not just yours, and expressing lack of remorse for actions in which they caused harm or pain to others.

This list might not capture all facets of every pickup artist’s personality. But the research provides a start in understanding this all-too-common and hurtful approach to close relationships. With this information in hand, you’ll know a bit more about how to be on the lookout for individuals who have their own, and not your, best interests in mind
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201406/how-spot-manipulator

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How to Spot and Stop Manipulators

8 tips for keeping them at a distance, or breaking free.

“There are those whose primary ability is to spin wheels of manipulation. It is their second skin and without these spinning wheels, they simply do not know how to function.”
― C. JoyBell C.

Psychological manipulation can be defined as the exercise of undue influence through mental distortion and emotional exploitation, with the intention to seize power, control, benefits, and privileges at the victim’s expense.
It is important to distinguish healthy social influence from psychological manipulation. Healthy social influence occurs between most people, and is part of the give and take of constructive relationships. In psychological manipulation, one person is used for the benefit of another. The manipulator deliberately creates an imbalance of power, and exploits the victim to serve his or her agenda. Most manipulative individuals have four common characteristics:

1. They know how to detect your weaknesses.
2. Once found, they use your weaknesses against you.
3. Through their shrewd machinations, they convince you to give up something of yourself in order to serve their self-centered interests.
4. In work, social, and family situations, once a manipulator succeeds in taking advantage of you, he or she will likely repeat the violation until you put a stop to the exploitation.

Root causes for chronic manipulation are complex and deep-seated. But whatever drives an individual to be psychologically manipulative, it’s not easy when you’re on the receiving end of such aggression. How can one successfully manage these situations? Here are eight keys to handling manipulative people. Not all of the tips below may apply to your particular situation. Simply utilize what works and leave the rest.
1.  Know Your Fundamental Human Rights.
The single most important guideline when you’re dealing with a psychologically manipulative person is to know your rights, and recognize when they’re being violated. As long as you do not harm others, you have the right to stand up for yourself and defend your rights. On the other hand, if you bring harm to others, you may forfeit these rights. Following are some of our fundamental human rights:

• You have the right to be treated with respect.
• You have the right to express your feelings, opinions and wants.
• You have the right to set your own priorities.
• You have the right to say “no” without feeling guilty.
• You have the right to get what you pay for.
• You have the right to have opinions different than others.
• You have the right to take care of and protect yourself from being threatened physically, mentally or emotionally.
• You have the right to create your own happy and healthy life.

These fundamental human rights represent your boundaries.
Of course, our society is full of people who do not respect these rights. Psychological manipulators, in particular, want to deprive you of your rights so they can control and take advantage of you. But you have the power and moral authority to declare that it is you, not the manipulator, who’s in charge of your life.
2.  Keep Your Distance
One way to detect a manipulator is to see if a person acts with different faces in front of different people and in different situations. While all of us have a degree of this type of social differentiation, some psychological manipulators tend to habitually dwell in extremes, being highly polite to one individual and completely rude to another—or totally helpless one moment and fiercely aggressive the next. When you observe this type of behavior from an individual on a regular basis, keep a healthy distance, and avoid engaging with the person unless you absolutely have to. As mentioned earlier, reasons for chronic psychological manipulation are complex and deep-seated. It is not your job to change or save them.
3.  Avoid Personalization and Self-Blame
Since the manipulator’s agenda is to look for and exploit your weaknesses, it is understandable that you may feel inadequate, or even blame yourself for not satisfying the manipulator. In these situations, it’s important to remember that you are not the problem; you’re simply being manipulated to feel bad about yourself, so that you’re more likely to surrender your power and rights. Consider your relationship with the manipulator, and ask the following questions:

• Am I being treated with genuine respect?
• Are this person’s expectations and demands of me reasonable?
• Is the giving in this relationship primarily one way or two ways?
• Ultimately, do I feel good about myself in this relationship?

Your answers to these questions give you important clues about whether the “problem” in the relationship is with you or the other person.
4.  Put the Focus on Them by Asking Probing Questions
Inevitably, psychological manipulators will make requests (or demands) of you. These “offers” often make you go out of your way to meet their needs. When you hear an unreasonable solicitation, it’s sometimes useful to put the focus back on the manipulator by asking a few probing questions, to see if she or he has enough self-awareness to recognize the inequity of their scheme. For example:

• “Does this seem reasonable to you?”
• “Does what you want from me sound fair?”
• “Do I have a say in this?”
• “Are you asking me or telling me?”
• “So, what do I get out of this?”
• “Are you really expecting me to [restate the inequitable request]?"

When you ask such questions, you’re putting up a mirror, so the manipulator can see the true nature of his or her ploy. If the manipulator has a degree of self-awareness, he or she will likely withdraw the demand and back down.
On the other hand, truly pathological manipulators will dismiss your questions and insist on getting their way. If this occurs, apply ideas from the following tips to keep your power, and halt the manipulation.
5.  Use Time to Your Advantage
In addition to unreasonable requests, the manipulator will often also expect an answer from you right away, to maximize their pressure and control over you in the situation. (Sales people call this “closing the deal.") During these moments, instead of responding to the manipulator’s request right away, consider leveraging time to your advantage, and distancing yourself from his or her immediate influence. You can exercise leadership over the situation simply by saying:
“I’ll think about it.”
Consider how powerful these few words are from a customer to a salesperson, or from a romantic prospect to an eager pursuer, or from you to a manipulator. Take the time you need to evaluate the pros and cons of a situation, and consider whether you want to negotiate a more equitable arrangement, or if you’re better off by saying “no,” which leads us to our next point:
6.  Know How To Say “No”―Diplomatically But Firmly
To be able to say “no” diplomatically but firmly is to practice the art of communication. Effectively articulated, it allows you to stand your ground while maintaining a workable relationship. Remember that your fundamental human rights include the right to set your own priorities, the right to say “no” without feeling guilty, and the right to choose your own happy and healthy life.
7.  Confront Bullies, Safely
A psychological manipulator also becomes a bully when he or she intimidates or harms another person.
The most important thing to keep in mind about bullies is that they pick on those whom they perceive as weaker, so as long as you remain passive and compliant, you make yourself a target. But many bullies are also cowards on the inside. When their targets begin to show backbone and stand up for their rights, the bully will often back down. This is true in schoolyards, as well as in domestic and office environments.
On an empathetic note, studies show that many bullies are victims of violence themselves. This in no way excuses bullying behavior, but may help you consider the bully in a more equanimous light:

• "When people don't like themselves very much, they have to make up for it. The classic bully was actually a victim first.”—Tom Hiddleston
• “Some people try to be tall by cutting off the heads of others.”—Paramhansa Yogananda
• “I realized that bullying never has to do with you. It's the bully who's insecure.” —Shay Mitchell

When confronting bullies, be sure to place yourself in a position where you can safely protect yourself, whether it’s standing tall on your own, having other people present to witness and support, or keeping a paper trail of the bully’s inappropriate behavior. In cases of physical, verbal, or emotional abuse, consult with counseling, legal, law enforcement, or administrative professionals. It’s important to stand up to bullies, and you don’t have to do it alone.
8.  Set Consequences
When a psychological manipulator insists on violating your boundaries, and won’t take “no” for an answer, deploy consequence.
The ability to identify and assert consequence(s) is one of the most important skills you can use to "stand down" a difficult person. Effectively articulated, consequences give pause to the manipulative individual, and compels her or him to shift from violation to respect.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201406/how-spot-and-stop-manipulators